Surviving Malfoy _ Part II : Anger and Depression

Kate Bush 'Army Dreamers' – He couldn't win the war with ego.

CW: gore.

Chapter 32:

Draco gently pulls me away from the edge of the forest and I follow him blindly back up to the castle. My mind is blank, I'm vaguely aware of Draco's hand wrapped around mine, of the wetness on my cheeks, but not much else. The light in the entrance hall blinds me again, but I don't take it in until my vision is flooded by a mass of brown curls and Hermione's arms around my neck.

She's crying just as I am. I register Draco, Theo and Neville's voices, somewhere at the back of my mind, but not a word of what they say reaches any receptive part of my brain. I cry into Hermione's shoulder, and she into mine. For how long I don't know, but eventually we are peeled apart. Draco's hands are back on my shoulders, leading me to the bench, and pressing me down gently to sit next to Theo.

"Pollux?" Theo's voice reaches my ears somehow and I turn my head to look at him. There's a long gash across his forehead and I raise my fingers to wipe away a drop of blood from his eyebrow, tears springing back to my eyes. "Hey," Theo says gently. "I'm okay. I'll match your brother after this." His lips quirk up into a smile, but the mention of Harry makes me whimper. Theo's face falls and he raises his arm, to pull me against his shoulder.

"For fuck's sake Nott," I hear Draco say from somewhere in front of me. He lifts my head of Theo and pushes an open vial into my hand. "Drink this."

"Sorry mate," I hear Theo say quietly. "I'm not good with girls."

Neville snorts and I gulp down the contents of the vial. It's minty and I feel it push calm through my veins. I sigh, letting it fall to the ground and burying my face in my hands, elbows on my knees. I breathe deeply, listening to Draco, Theo and Neville quip back and forth.

"The fuck happened to you?" I hear Theo ask.

"Burnt my mark off."

"Welcome to the right side," Neville says. I can hear the smile in his voice.

"We have cookies!" Theo says.

But when I look up, there's not a hint of humour on Draco's face as he looks at my face. He's crouching down in front of me. "Here," he says, handing me a steaming mug of tea and lifting his fingers to brush my hair off my forehead.

"Ready for the big fight then, Malfoy?" Neville asks.

"I won't be very useful, Longbottom," he says. "My wand got shattered."

"Shit," Theo mutters.

"Think you'll be fine with this one?"

I tilt my head to the side and watch as Neville hands Draco a wand.

"Who's is it?" Draco asks.

Neville shrugs. "Some Death Eater. No clue who it was, but he won't be needing it anymore."

I watch Draco flick the wand at a loose brick laying at his feet, it bursts into dust, raining down gracefully onto his shoes. "It'll do, thank you Longbottom."

"Any time mate." Neville pats him on the shoulder, smiling at him earnestly.

Draco moves to sit beside me, taking another mug of tea from Madam Pomfrey still doing the rounds, and places a hand on my lower back, rubbing soothing circles with his thumb. I let him, wrapping my hands around the warm mug, taking small sips occasionally. Draco moving opens my view to the rest of the room. The walls are lined with benches, filled with students and resistance members, chatting away quietly, seemingly oblivious to the bodies lined up across the floor.

My throat closes up and I lower my eyes, staring into my tea. Draco's calming draught does the trick as it always does. I know the sight would frighten me normally, make me nauseous and anxious for what's to come. But instead, I feel nothing, not even a twinge of sadness as I watch Hermione rub Ron's shoulder, hunched over the body of one of the twins.

If it's Fred, I'll have to break the news to Debbie.

The corner of my mouth quirks up, entirely inappropriate.

"Potter." Draco's voice makes me turn to him. He studies my face, raising his hand to my cheek and rubbing his thumb over it. "We'll get him, ok?"

I nod, and he drops his hand to the nape of my neck, pulling my head forward and pressing a kiss to my forehead. I lean into him, resting my head on his shoulder, and we keep sipping our tea in silence, waiting for what we both know will inevitably come.

"Harry Potter is dead. He was killed as he ran away, trying to save himself while you lay down your lives for him. We bring you his body as proof that your hero is gone."

I don't flinch when Voldemort's voice finally rings across the castle again. The rest of his speech is drowned out by an almighty uproar in the hall. We all jump to our feet in unison, and the crowd starts pushing out onto the grounds. I meet Hermione's eye across the hall, and she looks about as resolute as I feel. Draco takes my hand into his, pulling me outside.

We stop on the front steps to the castle. We watch as a hoard of Death Eaters seeps out of the trees of the Forbidden Forest, and it quickly becomes clear just how outnumbered we are. Hagrid, wrapped up in chains, looms above the heads of Voldemort's army, holding a limp form in his arms.

McGonagall is first to scream. Ginny launches forward, held back by her father.

People scream Harry's name around us, and I peel my eyes away from his body to search for Hermione and Ron. They're standing several feet away, a few steps down from us, standing as still as Draco and I.

"SILENCE!"

A roaring flash forces us to do just that. I watch Harry's body being lowered onto the ground in front of Voldemort, and the rest of the world is drowned out.

It's done.

I listen Voldemort give his senseless speech, feel Draco's hand in mine, squeezing it like a lifeline, I hear the crowd around me scream against him, being silenced over and over, but I see nothing but Harry's dead body.

And then, I see him twitch.

I gasp, pulling on Draco's arm, causing him to take a step forward down the stairs.

"Ah, Dra-"

But the rest of Voldemort's sentence is drowned out by a second almighty uproar, this time stemming from the gates to the school. My gaze is ripped away from Harry to hundreds of people screaming bloody murder as they swarm over the boundary wall, into the grounds. When I look back, Harry's gone.

"He's alive," I shout through the noise.

"What?!" Draco yells back.

"Harry! He's alive!"

Draco doesn't question this, instead he pulls me back up the stairs. "In. Get inside!"

The Death Eaters push forward towards us and the lot of us instinctively retreat back into the castle, jumping over the bodies on the ground and pushing up the marble staircase. I look back out onto the grounds, at the black mass of bodies being pushed into the castle after us by the incoming crowd. I recognise Ron's mother at the front, brandishing her wand, firing a fury of hexes at the Death Eaters, Aberforth in her wake, and not far behind, Madam Fox, Madam Zollner, Debbie, Blaise and Casper and Aithne, still too young to be here, rage marring her face.

All hell breaks loose. Curses and hexes fly all around us, I let go of Draco's hand and swivel around, moving backwards and sending any hex that comes to mind into the throng of approaching Death Eaters. They advance quickly, mingling with the resistance members. I hit an angry looking witch point-blank in the chest and, realising she was too close for comfort, pull Bellatrix' knife out of its holster.

I send it flying with practiced ease at a nearby wizard and it hits its mark right between the eyes. Before he can crumble to the ground, I summon the knife back into my hand. It goes flying again, hitting a Death Eaters whose tendons have just been hacked at by a hatched wielding Alf. Tiny elves swarm the corridor at the top of the marble staircase, holding cleavers and carving knives to flit around the legs of the crowd, slicing at any Death Eater legs they can reach.

I've lost Draco, but I see a determined looking Theo, throwing his darts around, clearly on a mission, screaming his father's name into the crowd. Seamus grabs my upper arm, just in time to pull me out of the way of a killing curse, its caster right in front of me. I react instinctively, plunging Bellatrix' knife into his stomach. He screeches in pain, raising his wand again and I pull the knife out, aiming higher until I feel the crunching of his skull on the handle of the blade.

I see Narcissa, unarmed, frantically running through the crowd of duellers and shouting Draco's name. I send a shield charm behind her, blocking a hex from a Death Eater. I send my knife flying after it, it lands in his chest with an audible squelch. I pull her behind me, Seamus moves aside to block her from the crowd, no questions asked, and I summon the knife back into my hands.

We're finally pushed into the Great Hall by the incoming crowd. I can see the reinforcements forcing the Death Eaters into the Entrance Hall and up the Marble Staircase. Surrounded by all sides, they start firing curses wildly in all directions, hitting their own, but to no avail. They're forced into the centre of the Great Hall, and we line the walls to pick them out one by one, disarming them and tying them up, until the fighting finally dies down.

I'm pressed against the wall behind Seamus and one of the Weasleys, with only two duels still happening in the middle of the circle we've formed: Hermione, Ginny and Luna against Bellatrix, and Harry against Voldemort. I watch petrified, Bellatrix raises her wand, fending the three witches off with barely any effort. Harry's in trouble too, the two of them circle each other, arguing, until both raise their wands, shooting a curse at the other. They meet in the middle and the shock of it silences the crowd for a moment, hexes joining, both Harry and Voldemort struggling to force theirs forward, towards the other.

And Voldemort is gaining quickly.

I push through the crowd, between people, trying to stay as low as possible. I pass Luna, then Hermione, and place myself behind Bellatrix. I watch as she raises her wand, slicing it through the air, and hitting Luna straight in the chest. She crumbles to the floor, screaming in agony.

I ignore the hissing crowd, pushing through and come to a stand directly behind Bellatrix. I take the blood-covered blade of her knife between thumb and forefinger and fling.

Voldemort roars in anger and the entire hall holds its breath, watching Bellatrix fall to the ground, knife sticking out of her neck.

Harry screams, finally breaking the standoff, his hex catching Voldemort off guard, and he too crumbles.

For a moment, everything is silent. Every single eye in the Great Hall is on Voldemort. I turn to Harry, standing above him, wand still raised. Then the hall booms to life and I run towards him, flinging my arms around his neck the way I did only an hour ago and I feel his arms wind around my middle, squeezing back.

"I told you it would be over soon," I hear him say into my ear over the clamour of the people around us.

Suddenly there are hands all over us, patting us on the back, ruffling our hair, trying to pull us into hugs. Hermione's crying, furiously kissing Ron, and I let go of Harry to make space for Ginny. I look through the crowd, spotting Casper's head above the crowd and push through the sea of arms towards him. Madam Fox stands next to him, and she squeals at the sight of me, pulling me into her arms. We stand like this, until the crowd eases around us, the house tables are put back in place, and alcohol in its various forms appears on them.

I pull out of Madam Fox' grip and make my way to the doors. I spot Aithne on the way, sitting next to Dean at what once was the Hufflepuff table, and she jumps up when she sees me, next to fling her arms around my neck.

"You shouldn't have come," I whisper into her hair.

"I couldn't stand staying home," she says pulling back and planting a kiss on my cheek. "I like your hair." She grins, patting it, and pulls me back towards her. It takes me a good minute to pry her away from me.

I need quiet, the sounds of celebration coming from the Great Hall seem strangely distant and muffled at the sight of the Marble Staircase and the Entrance Hall at its bottom. It's littered with bodies, covered in blood, parts of the walls are smoking, holes blasted into them. I run down the marble staircase and out the open doors to the grounds, away from the death inside. But the grounds don't look much better. I refuse to look at any of them, too scared to recognize anyone I know.

I know rationally people I know must have died, but I'm not ready to face that yet.

I quickly run down the steps and over the grounds, down towards the Great Lake, and let myself fall onto the gravel there, turning my back to Hogwarts. I lay back, looking up at the purple dusk. It's a cloudless morning, stars still speck the sky, unmoved by last night's events.

I breathe out loudly, rubbing my hand over my face. It comes back bloody. There's a dull thudding in my head, but that's a problem for later. I sit back up and watch the first streams of sunlight filter through the tree crowns of the Forbidden Forest and over the peaks of the Scottish Highlands beyond.

"Hiya Pollux," Theo plops down beside me, holding up Bellatrix' knife. "Thought you might want this back."

I hesitate but take it from him. "Where's Neville?" I ask.

"Hugging his nan."

I hum in understanding and turn back towards the lake.

"Fag?"

"Excuse me?"

He holds up a packet of cigarettes, flicking one out and lighting it for himself.

"Oh," I say, and again hesitate before taking one. I follow his lead lighting it between my lips, coughing immediately.

Theo laughs, patting me on the back. "It gets better."

"Where did you get these?" I ask.

"Alf," he says with a smirk.

"He's running errands for you?"

Theo shrugs. "He always liked me."

"Alf likes everyone."

"Yeah, but I named him. He owes me."

I laugh. Theo joins and we sit there giggling stupidly for a while. I cough through every drag of the cigarette, but it comes with a comfortable light-headedness I can use right now, so I don't stop. I push myself up and walk over to the cold water of the lake, plunging Bellatrix' knife into it, ridding it of her blood.

"How's your dad?" I ask.

"Caught a dart."

"Good."

It's over. We're free.