In summer, the sun rose early, yet many people tended to sleep in. Lincoln was slumbering, fully clothed and even wearing his shoes in bed, ready to get up at the crack of dawn and he had set his alarm clock to go off at 6 a.m.
But someone beat the clock to it and tickled Lincoln's nose. It twitched and he just stirred and mumbled, prompting his uninvited guest to tickle it again. This time, Lincoln tried to scratch it, only to splash a handful of grape jelly into his face, causing him to jolt awake with a yelp.
He panted and clutched his pounding chest but the shock wore off the moment he heard obnoxious and very familiar laughter. With an unamused look, he slowly turned to his right and saw none other than Ryan kneeling in front of him, hollering with laughter.
Groaning, Lincoln reached for a towel and wiped his face. "Why do you hate knocking?"
"Because it's more fun to climb through the second-story window, duh." Ryan said sincerely before elbowing him. "Plus, I'm not supposed to be here. Remember?"
"I do." Lincoln grumbled.
"Aw…c'mon, don't tell me your goody-two-shoes instincts are telling you to be a snitch?"
Lincoln rolled his eyes. "I hope you have another reason for being here other than to annoy me?"
"Naturally." Ryan smirked. "See, I've been thinking about how you could make it up to mommy dearest, and the obvious answer is anniversary gifts. Or apology gifts in this case."
Lincoln gave him an irate look. "You think we haven't thought of that? In case you've forgotten…" he pulled out his pockets "…we're flat broke. And it would take us weeks, maybe even months to scrape together enough money to even buy-"
"Don't get your hopes up, Twinkle Toes. You won't be mowing lawns or cleaning old ladies' attics." Ryan patted his back. "I will gladly let you scavenge my humble adobe for some suitable gifts."
"Your home?" Lincoln looked at him oddly. "You want us to take stuff from your home?"
"Sure, it's loaded with spare junk me and Renee never use, but grownups could find pretty handy. My folks are hardly ever at home, so it's not like they'll notice anything missing."
Lincoln didn't know what to make of that but beggars on a time crunch couldn't be choosers. Though Ryan bringing up a certain relative of his revealed a major oversight in his plan.
"I…thanks. But I assume your sister will take issue with this?"
"No shit, Super Sleuth. She wouldn't let you take expired mayo from the fridge without mom and dad's approval, and they're unlikely to pick up a call." Ryan stood up. "Which is why we gotta get there and out before the evil one awakes."
"But…but what if she catches us in the act?" Lincoln shuddered at the thought.
Ryan grinned with confidence and held up the small backpack he was wearing. "Oh, don't you worry your snowy white head. I have a plan B should that happen, but no peeking." He wagged his finger. "It's a surprise for Renny that's bound to hold her attention."
Lincoln didn't like the sound of that.
In the tomboys' room, Ryan, Lincoln, and Lucy quietly entered, and found Lana sleeping, but Lynn's bed was empty. Sure enough, the jock was kneeling in front of the window, watching the street.
"What took you bozos so long?" She grumbled as they walked up to her.
"Lynn, how long have you been sitting there?" Lincoln asked but jerked back as she looked at them with crazed, bloodshot eyes.
"Since three in the morning. I'm not letting that skank come within a hundred yards of my home." She ranted.
"Very hardcore, Lynn, but I doubt Kathy's that eager to bamboozle your mom." Ryan told her in jest. "Rich people ain't early risers. You're thinking dirt poor rednecks."
Lynn turned her attention to Lucy and grew a feeble smirk.
"Lemme guess? Your poltergeist pals told you bupkis?"
Lucy just glanced down, and Lincoln patted her shoulder.
"Eh….don't take it too hard, I'm sure it will work better next time?"
"Right, spiritual guidance is cool and all, but right now, we need to smuggle some gifts under Renee's nose, toot sweet." Ryan told them.
"Smuggle gifts?" Lynn asked.
"Ryan has offered to give away some of his family's belongings as gifts for mom." Lincoln explained. "It might help to…mend things with her."
Lynn didn't need to be told more and jumped to her feet. "Then what are we standing around for? Let's move-"
Lincoln stopped her. "Hold your horses, we might need some more help with this."
"What help?" Lynn asked impatiently. "We can carry a bunch of gifts? We'll get a wheel cart if-"
"That's not it. The problem is that mom's still mad at us. We ruined her anniversary party yesterday, so don't you think that will seem a tad suspicious… and disingenuous? Like we're trying to bribe her into forgiving us?"
"We're not?" Ryan snarked. "Ain't free stuff the oldest and sincerest form of bribery?"
"Lincoln says that if mom thinks that more of her family remembered her anniversary, it might put her in a more agreeable mood." Lucy elaborated.
Lynn was lost until it finally clicked with her. "You shitting me? You want to share credits with those ungrateful jerks?"
"Definitely not Lori or Lola. Lola's a stool pigeon and we all know it. But the others? I think it's better if we cooperate this time. Especially now that many of them are willing to listen to reason." Lincoln explained. "It will seem less sketchy, given how they were away all day. Plus, as Lucy said, it might make mom happier if she thinks more of us remembered her big day?"
"Not to mention, this could help Luan get out of her unfair punishment?" Ryan added, which made Lynn boil on the inside. Why did he have to think about her?
"That would be a welcomed bonus." Lucy smiled in agreement. "Luan's overdue for justice."
"So you're all cool with letting those lazy leeches swipe the credit for our hard work?" Lynn argued. "We almost got ourselves killed retrieving mom's bank deposit, and she's none the wiser, plus-"
"I know why you're upset, but we gotta make sacrifices. I don't know about you, but I'll gladly take no credit if it means fixing this mess and getting Kathleen off our backs." Lincoln tried to explain. "What other options do we have now?"
"Hate to say it, but he's right." Ryan shrugged. "You barely dodged getting grounded. I think it's best to give your mom space for a while."
"If it's any consolation, it's unlikely that I would have gotten any credit even if I gave mom the most perfect present imaginable." Lucy added, her tone halfway sarcastic and halfway sincere.
Lynn seethed. She clutched her face and dragged her hands across it, before finally giving in. They had to do something to make their mom listen to them and get rid of the trust fund baby casting a shadow over their family.
"Alright! Let's just do it." she threw her arms up before crossing them and grumbling, "But this plan's the worst…"
"Thanks, Lynn." Lincoln smiled. "I promise, you won't regret this."
"Okay, you three go to Ryan's place. I'll arrange things with our sisters…" he continued.
Outside, a surly Lynn pushed the door open and rushed out. "Faster, you slugs! Kathleen's probably on her way!"
"Jawohl, madam." Ryan quipped as he and Lucy caught up.
"Hey, what's that?" the goth pointed at something.
The tweens looked and saw Charles lying on top of a small pile of rubble, on his back, and with his paws up.
"Charles? What the hell…" Alarmed, Lynn ran up to him and nudged him. "Hey, wake up!"
"Are we going to bury him?" Lucy asked, a little too eagerly.
As Lynn pulled on his leg, Charles's eyes shot open and the girl jumped back as he barked viciously and looked around, adopting multiple fighting poses.
"Easy, boy. A little early for the zoomies, ain't it?" Ryan said.
Charles paused, seeing that his foe was nowhere in sight, prompting him to run around and search the premise.
"What did he do to his doghouse?" a vexed Lynn asked. She SO didn't have the time to deal with him.
"Maybe he looted the kitchen for coffee beans again?" Lucy shrugged.
"Ughhh…bad dog, we'll deal with you later!" Lynn shouted at the bull terrier before gesturing at her companions to follow. "C'mon!"
Ryan followed but Lucy remained there, observing Charles sniffing the ground and going up to the house.
"Strange." She noted. Something about the canine's behavior didn't seem right.
"Lucy! Move your ass!"
"Sigh. Coming." The goth obliged and followed.
A jittery Cliff took a cautious peek through the cat door and sighed in relief upon seeing his canine companion alive and well. But the dog didn't even notice Cliff looking over him as he reached the porch.
It finally dawned on Charles that it was dawn and the whole porch reeked of a strong, musky odor. Cliff caught the scent too and it gave him shudders.
Charles, on the other hand, felt his blood boiling. The gall? The audacity? Growling, the dog raised his head and started barking at the sky in a mad rage. If the wolf wanted a fight, he would give him one!
Cliff covered his face and shook his head. The dumb mutt just put himself on death row.
Meanwhile, Marceline was having the same experience. The porch, the walls of her house, and the roots under the treehouse had all been marked.
Marceline took pride in staying cool and not showing fear, but this made her scramble left and right like a headless chicken. A predator only ever marked a territory to claim it as his hunting ground!
Running up to the window, she saw her owner and Lynn, none the wiser, loading a pulling cart in the kitchen. How were you supposed to warn someone who had no sense of smell?
"That thing looks brand new?" Lynn said as she and Ryan lifted the automatic coffee machine and placed it in the latter's cart, among other items like unused pots, a wall clock, and ceramic figures, after blowing off the dust.
"Not really, it's a souvenir dad picked up in Berlin four years ago, never got to use it even once." Ryan told her.
"So it is basically brand new." Lynn rolled her eyes.
"Either way, your folks will appreciate the extra coffee made on the fly. I'm sure they need it." Ryan quipped but stopped as she noticed a forlorn Lynn looking away.
"Because of the others, that is." He awkwardly added. "Blondy, Pinky, Dr. Frankenstein, the One Woman Band, those chumps."
"Ryan, can I ask you something?" she sighed.
"Eh…sure? What?" Ryan nodded, dreading the question.
"Do you think I'm impulsive?"
Ryan looked lost before grinning nervously.
"Um…is this one of those situations where I'm supposed to tell you the truth or make you feel better?"
Lynn grimaced in annoyance.
"Make her feel better." Ryan made a mental note. "Eh…I wouldn't say impulsive, more like…um…?"
"Guys, look what I found?" Lucy walked in.
"Oh, thank heavens…" Ryan was beyond relieved. He didn't do sensitivity well.
"Found it on the coffee table. I think mom likes this novel, Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Seas?" Lucy said while skimming through the pages.
"Great pick, you can add that to our gift wagon…" Ryan started before pausing with horror and snatching the book away.
"Oh, no. Bad idea. This is one of Renee's books. If she found it missing, she would go ballistic."
"I…sorry." Lucy looked down.
"Nice job, you almost sent the stinkin' Terminator after us." Lynn scolded her.
"Don't be too hard on the kid, Lynn. As you athletes say, harm no foul." Ryan told the jock.
But speak of the devil, the three heard a door opening, followed by someone descending the stairs.
"Oh, crap. It's her." Ryan looked up before swiftly grabbing something out of his backpack.
"Great, what do we do now?" an exasperated Lynn scrambled.
"Time for Plan B. You gals hide, I'll deal with my sis." Ryan told her as he pulled out a folder.
"What are you planning to do?" a concerned Lucy asked but Ryan just saluted them.
"This is where we part ways. Good luck." He said seriously and ran into the living room.
Confused but hearing Renee coming closer, Lynn and Lucy quickly covered their cart with a sheet and dragged it and themselves behind the fridge.
A groggy Renee walked into the living room, clad in a gray bathrobe and slippers, her hair a mess. She was not a morning person and running into her brother did not help.
He had his hands behind his back and was innocently humming while swinging back and forth.
Renee knew the signs and narrowed her eyes. "What did you do?" she asked scathingly.
"Good morning to you too, Ms. Banshee." Ryan deadpanned. "See, I totally forgot to get revenge on you for making Lynn go bald?"
"Since when do you enact vengeance on others' behalf?" Renee scoffed but her eyes widened as Ryan lifted a certain folder.
His sister's vicious expression assured him that he had pissed off the bull, and he was ready to tangle with it.
"Give. That. Back." Renee snarled through clenched teeth.
"You mean these college recommendation letters you've been collecting since you were eight?" Ryan shook it. "It's still incomplete, right?"
"Hand it over!" Renee barked.
Ryan tapped his chin. "Hmmm….nah, I think I'll just set it ablaze." he grinned evilly and held up a lighter.
Lynn and Lucy flinched as they heard Renee utter a thunderous battle cry and saw the Taylor sibling tumbling into the living room, fighting over the folder until it slipped out of their grasp and the two fell over.
Ryan jumped to his feet and tried to grab it only for Renee to kick him in the face with both feet, before swiftly snatching the folder.
Clutching it to her chest, she rose up only for a bloody-nosed Ryan to give her a right hook and a left hook.
The Loud sisters winced.
"How do ya like some of that!" Ryan boasted in a nasally voice before getting punched repeatedly by Renee's free fist.
Lynn and Lucy watched in shock and awe as the two exchanged blows for several minutes until Ryan lifted his hand.
"Wait! Heh…loose tooth." He giggled and spat out a tooth before swiftly grabbing the coat hanger and bludgeoning Renee.
She hit the floor and Ryan pinned her over the throat with the hanger.
"I'll be taking this." He got up with the folder in his clutches, before getting the hanger kicked into his abdomen, making him fall against the wall.
Taking a second to spit out a tooth of her own, Renee charged at him. "Give me that!"
"Nah-ah!" Ryan laughed and pressed it against his body as Renee grabbed him by the head and started bashing it against the wall.
"Okay, if you want it so bad." Ryan laughed and slid the folder between Renee's legs.
Eyes wide, she chased after it, allowing Ryan to grab and roll the coat hanger towards her, making her trip and her jaw slammed against the floor.
Ryan literally walked over her, got hold of the folder again, and stood at the front door.
"You want this?" he dangled it like a tasty treat. "Come and get it!"
Marceline jumped out of the way to avoid getting trampled.
"Get back here!" Renee screamed furiously as she chased after him.
Lynn and Lucy rushed to the window and saw her chasing Ryan through the yard, circling around the house and then around the tree several times.
"Toro! Toro!" Ryan held the folder like a matador's cape and dodged Renee's attack before running and jumping over the fence, laughing triumphantly.
Renee busted through the fence, knocking down several planks while snarling like a wild beast, and bolted after her brother.
Panicking, Marceline ran through the new gap in the fence and followed her owner.
"What just happened?" a dumbstruck Lucy asked.
"I…I think that was a distraction?" Lynn blinked before remembering her mission. "Let's get out of here."
"Will he be alright?" Lucy asked.
"If anyone can handle that psycho, it's Ryan. We've got a job to finish." Lynn pulled up the cart.
Lucy glanced through the window with a pensive look. "Huh? Maybe that's how I should defend myself from Lori or Lola?"
Pedestrians flinched and jumped out of the way as Ryan ran across the sidewalk, laughing like a loon, pursued by his livid sister, who looked like an escaped mental patient.
"I'll kill you! Not even your girlfriend will recognize your mangled corpse!" she roared as they ran past a doughnuts shop, where two policemen were sitting, followed by Marceline.
"Hey, Tucker? Did you see that?"
"What now?" the heavyset, mustached officer said with a mouthful of doughnuts.
"It looked like…. a crazy cat lady is trying to murder a ghoul in 90s kid clothes?" his rookie partner said, looking appropriately befuddled. "And… they were being followed by a miniature cheetah?"
Officer Tucker swallowed and grabbed another doughnut. "Yeah, that was pretty weird."
"So…shouldn't we do something about it?" the rookie asked.
"Naaaah…I'm sure that stuff's out of our jurisdiction." Tucker waved his hand and opened the doughnut box again. "Now, do ya prefer chocolate frosting or jelly filling?"
Meanwhile, atop a fire escape, Kathleen chuckled with glee as she watched Ryan running from Renee with binoculars. Lyle, wearing a gray hoodie, stood next to her.
"Looks like Ryan got a little sidetracked with family business? This couldn't be more perfect!" she clapped her hands. "With any luck, that mental case might just kill him!"
"Get out of here?" Lyle blurted. "That chick can't be that tough?"
"Oh, you have no idea." Kathleen said sardonically. "Ryan might be bad, but she's the devil. More importantly, this sibling fight leaves Lynn and little Lucy all alone."
"Yeah, sitting ducks!" Lyle pumped his fist. "Now it's time for my big comeback!"
He was about to jump down when Kathleen grabbed his arm and pulled him back up.
"No, you imbecile! You're supposed to keep a low profile." She reminded him.
Lyle frowned. "Aw, c'mon! Then why did you drag me out here-"
"Simple." Kathleen handed him some sunglasses and a wallet. "You're going to hire some flunkies to keep Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Downer busy."
"Who would be better for the job than me?" Lyle argued.
"If my sources are accurate, I know just the sap for the job." Kathleen explained and whispered into his ear.
"You yanking my chains?" Lyle was outraged. "How can some pipsqueak do better than-"
"They're less conspicuous. The last thing I want now is to draw attention to myself, go it?" Kathleen told him, her anger bubbling to the surface.
"Ugh…fine." A disgruntled Lyle gave in. "And what about you?"
Kathleen smiled. "I'm paying the rest of the family another visit. I fear that I undersold my offer…"
"Wait? Yesterday was their anniversary?" Luna said in surprise as she strung her guitar. "How come nobody remembered that?"
Lincoln gave her an unamused look upon which the rocker felt stupid.
"Oh, yeah…" she rubbed the back of her head while blushing.
"Look, I'm not one to judge. Even I only found out by accident." Lincoln cut to the chase. "You said you wanted to make good choices from now on? So, are you in?"
"I…sure." Luna said with uncertainty. "But I dunno…"
"Dunno what?"
"Wouldn't I be nicking the credit for your work?"
"Oh, that's irrelevant. Lynn blew it already." Said a snide voice.
Lincoln turned around and saw Luan standing at the door. "Dad and Lincoln put up this grill party and invited lots of guests, even bought mom chocolate to sweeten the deal…" she paused to snicker before scowling "…but then Lynn had to barge in and chase all the guests away."
"Luan, you're supposed to stay in your room?" Lincoln told her.
"This used to be my room. I'm bending the rules, sue me." Luan shot back. "Besides, you know I was punished unfairly, and mom's not up yet."
She crossed her arms. "Point is, it's up to us now to salvage what we can of this anniversary."
"Luan, need I remind you that you did us no favors by pieing dad in the face?" Lincoln told her, making her flustered.
"Kathleen tricked me into doing it!" she said defensively, upon which Lincoln put his hand on her shoulder with a sympathetic look.
"I know, that's why you need to stay in your room. You can take the credit for a gift or two, but we all know how you react to seeing Kathleen."
Luna scoffed. "Yeah, if you met face to face with Kathy again, you'll make Lynn's blunder look like spilled milk."
Anger crept into Luan's face. "What do you know!"
"I know that you knocked Kathleen's blinkin' light out, in front of mom." Luna snarked.
"Luan, don't let this get to you." Lincoln grabbed her hand and led her into the hall. He knew a volatile situation when he saw one.
"Remember, this is all in the name of getting rid of Kathleen and getting you un-grounded." He told the comedian, trying to calm her.
"I…" Luan lowered her voice and flushed, looking like she was on the verge of crying "…I'm sorry, Linky. Kathleen's just so…"
"I know she's a sore spot for you, but we'll pull through this together. You just stay put and do your part."
Luan just weakly nodded and Lincoln couldn't help but add, "Eh…and just so you know, this was all Ryan's plan. He hoped to get you un-grounded with this?"
"He did?" Luan beamed and clutched her hands.
"Eh, yeah, he considers you a good friend and wants to help his friend." Lincoln chose his words carefully, not wishing to enable this obnoxious love triangle.
But Luan's seemed to be in her own little world and giggled impishly, "He's so wonderful."
They heard the doorknob of their parents' room moving, and Lincoln pushed his sister towards her room.
"Alright, I'll do my best." The love-dazed Luan whispered as she returned to her quarters while Lincoln returned to Luna.
He saw their mother, looking like a wreck, staggering past the door. Relaxing, Lincoln turned back to the rocker.
"So are you-"
"I'm in, bro." She assured him. "I wanna do something nice for mom and pops. So when are the gifts coming?"
"They'll come soon, just keep this a secret from you-know-who."
"The Goldilocks Trio, got it." Luna zipped her mouth. "I'm done with those wankers anyway."
Nodding, Lincoln went to find Lisa next, but strangely, he found her in the oldest sisters' room.
He saw Lori, wearing her blue bikini and headphones, lying on a massage table, with Lisa massaging her back, with her bare feet.
"Oh…yyyeah…tttha's the stttuff…" Lori moaned absentmindedly.
Noticing Lincoln peeking in, Lisa gestured for him to come in.
"We can converse freely, brother. The unintelligible clamor she calls music is blocking any soundwaves from reaching her tympanic membrane."
Seeing how Lori seemed completely oblivious to his presence, Lincoln walked in. "So…the music's too loud?"
Lisa nodded while continuing the therapeutic massage with her feet.
Lincoln leaned closer and whispered into her ear.
"Ah, a sensible procedure in the name of damage control, I can certainly take credit for some of the tokens of our familial appreciation. But I'm afraid that's as far as my assistance can go, for I have many more good deeds that need to be done-"
"What good deeds are you talking about?" the two flinched as they heard Leni's merry voice.
Lincoln found her standing behind him and thinking fast, he grabbed her hand and whispered. "Leni, we can't be talking about this out here."
"What do you mean?" she whispered back, upon which Lincoln led her out into the hall while Lisa gave him a thumbs up.
"You should know, since you told me about it." Lincoln explained to the fashionista. "It's mom and dad's anniversary."
"It's…eeehh-" Leni's squeal of joy was cut short as Lincoln clamped his hand over her mouth.
"Yes, yes, and we all bought them gifts, including you."
"I did?" Leni looked confused. "I don't remember doing it?"
"Of course you don't…it's…eh, supposed to be a surprise and we all agreed to pretend not to know…to minimize the risk of someone spoiling the surprise." Lincoln improvised.
"Oh, that's a smart plan, Linky. Did you come up with it?"
"Eh, sure."
"Gee, guess I did too good of a job pretending that I forgot?" Leni pouted sullenly.
"Hey, no problem. It…means you're committed. The presents should arrive any moment and me, Lucy, and Lynn will be preparing them, while the rest of you just keep pretending that you forgot. Um…so the surprise will be all the more surprising."
"Okay, gotcha. Mum's the word." Leni assured him and Lincoln let out a sigh of relief.
So far, so good…
Meanwhile…
Sitting atop a skateboarding ramp were three boys Lincoln's age, all bored out of their minds, with the ginger throwing a bouncy ball at the other side of the ramp.
"You know, summer really is a drag if you don't live next to a beach." The one with glasses said while pulling on his collar. "It's too hot and stuffy to even sleep in."
"So what should we do, Chandler? I'm bored." The fat one with a stained shirt whined.
Chandler glared at them as he caught his ball. "You think I'd be sitting here if I knew? How about you lugheads figure it out for once?"
The spectacled one shrugged. "Well, you always say that the best cure for boredom is to pick on Lincoln and his loser friends?"
Chandler snorted. "I'd love that, but that lame-o's gone AWOL for two weeks. All the places he usually hangs out at? Total no-show."
"What about his creepy sister? What was her name again?" the fat one asked.
Chandler laughed. "Her? Ghoul Girl never gets out of her house unless she's going to school? Why should she? I'd hide to it I was in her shoes."
Someone grabbed him by the shoulder. "Well, do I have a solution for your boredom."
Startled, Chandler saw a hooded figure with shades looking down at him and his friends.
The ginger scowled. "Who the hell are you?"
"That's not important. You Chandler McCann?" Lyle demanded.
"Who wants to know? You trying to look gangsta or some shit?" Chandler said with suspicion only to yelp in fear as he was hoisted up.
Chandler's friends hugged each other in fear as he was dangled over the ramp.
"Why not? Let's do it the gangsta way! Are you gonna take my offer or am I gonna have to drop you?" Lyle grinned maliciously.
"Wow! C-calm down, m-man!" Chandler stammered. "I don't do drugs, and I d-don't have any pocket change. My folks cut my allowance after-"
"I'm not asking you for cash, you dipshit!" Lyle growled at him. "I'm offering to pay you, if you do a little job for me."
"Eh…s-sure, sure." Chandler nodded fearfully. "What?"
"Oh, I think you're gonna like it." Lyle cackled.
The journey back home was a quiet one, as neither Lynn nor Lucy was keen on conversing with each other. Lynn was pulling the cart while Lucy just had to keep her eyes peeled for any incoming hurdles. The goth didn't complain about her task.
She noted the determined look in the jock's eyes as they kept going. The only other time that Lucy had seen Lynn this focused was on the rare occasions she was present for some miscellaneous sports event her older sister had been a part of. Lucy knew that yesterday's screw-up weighed heavily on Lynn and she wanted to make up for it. Lucy could have told her to try and not be so impulsive but that was a moot point now. And she doubted Lynn would have listened anyway.
"Just two blocks."
"Huh?" Lucy was shaken out of her thoughts. She quickly recognized the street, which wasn't far from home.
Lynn scowled in annoyance as she wiped the sweat off her forehead. "Two more blocks and we'll be home free."
"Unless something goes wrong again." The goth pointed out.
"Wow, always looking on the bright side, ain't we?" Lynn deadpanned.
"I'm a chronic pessimist, it's deeply engraved into my psyche." Lucy pointed at herself. "I'd think you'd at least know that about me?"
"Save your haikus for someone who gives a crap." Lynn grunted as she pulled the cart.
Lucy scoffed. "One, I wasn't reciting any sort of poem. Two, I see you don't even know what a haiku is."
"And I see you don't know the meaning of "don't give a crap"." Lynn retorted but halted as she saw two girls walk out of a jewelry shop, just fifty yards away.
They were both wearing red and white cheerleading uniforms. And one was a brunette holding a small gift box.
"Is that…"
"Kathleen." Lynn's face darkened.
"More bribery?" Lucy figured before noticing that the cart was abandoned.
Without a second thought, Lynn snuck her way to the nearest wall and tried to eavesdrop on the girls, forcing Lucy to pull the heavy cart herself.
"Lynn, you forgot the-"
"Shhhhhh….shut your trap." Lynn snapped at her before cupping her ear.
"This is such a beautiful gift. I'm sure Rita's going to love it." she heard Jenny say.
"Oh, no they won't." Lynn balled her fist and followed them.
"No, Lynn. Wait-" Lucy tried to grab her arm but was elbowed away.
"Be quiet, and watch the damn cart." Lynn hissed at her before resuming her pursuit.
Lynn thought about quietly trailing them, and learning what they were planning to do now, but then it hit her? She was much stronger than those prissy, pompom-wielding prima donnas? She could just take the freaking present away from them?
Not the smartest strategy.
"Hold it right there!" she jumped out behind them, making them freeze.
Visibly nervous, Jenny looked over her shoulder but Kathleen wouldn't face the jock.
"You deaf, ya stuck-up snob?" Lynn barked. "I'm talking to you! What are you doing now?"
"Run! She's crazy!" Jenny grabbed her friend's arm and they bolted off.
"What the?" Lynn was confused but then scowled with anger.
"Get back here! If you know what good for ya!" she chased after them.
"Lynn! Don't do it!" Lucy exclaimed but to no avail and stomped her foot.
"That impetuous…bull-headed…ugh!" she clenched her fists in frustration and turned to the cart.
She grabbed the handle and tried pulling it. She had to get the gifts back home even if she had to do it on her own. It was heavy but she managed to get it moving.
"Just a little bit further…" she grunted, unaware that she passed by three pairs of eyes hiding in an alleyway.
Chandler made a shushing gesture at his friends before urging them to follow him. Holding their hands behind their backs, the trio strolled after Lucy, silently following her for several minutes until the goth spotted her house in the distance, partly obscured by another building.
"Almost there…" Lucy smiled to herself and continued pulling the cart.
Grinning, Chandler grabbed its back and held it in place. His friend suppressed snickers watching Lucy coming to a screeching halt and trying to move her cart.
She turned around and gasped, familiar anxiety overwhelming her.
"Well, well? Trent? Gunter? Look who we found?" Chandler chuckled. "I didn't peg you as being this brave, Ghoul Girl?"
"W-what?" Lucy flinched.
"Don't you vampires turn to dust in broad daylight!" Chandler laughed at his "brilliant" zinger, and his friends joined in.
"Yeah, what made you crawl out of your tomb?" Trent poked her in the arm.
Lucy's heart was pounding but surprisingly, she felt herself calming down. Chandler…didn't seem as scary as he used to be. Not when you've recently been kidnapped by a psychotic loon, twice.
"Get lost!" she stood her ground. "I don't have time for your juvenile games!"
Chandler was caught off guard but hardly discouraged. He cupped his face and cooed. "Aww…the little vampire's busy? Yu in hurry za sohk szumone's blauhd?"
"Suck blood! Ha!" Gunter snorted, as if he heard it for the first time.
"Oh, ha, ha. Your wit astounds me." Lucy gave him a slow clap and pulled the cart. "Why don't you do stand-up with your dad jokes."
Chandler's mirth waned and he grabbed the cart again, stopping her.
"Not so fast, Countess Loud!" he said with growing frustration. "You don't get to walk out on me."
"Watch me!" Lucy pulled but Chandler grabbed her hand and pried it off the handle.
"And you don't get to talk smack to me either." Chandler added and pushed her down. "Got that, freak?"
Forming a circle, the trio pointed and laughed at her. The anxiety returned with a vengeance, as Lucy found herself dwarfed by the boys. She wanted to shield her head and curl up in a fetal position, anything to block out that horrid, maddening noise.
"No! No. He's not scary. You don't have to be scared of him." She told herself and took a deep breath.
"You don't scare me!" She picked herself up, to the bully's surprise.
"I dealt with far worse than you, Chandler." She glared at the ginger. "You're a bully but you don't have the gall to cause real harm."
"Huh?" Chandler made a face.
"Did she just insult you… or flatter you?" Gunter scratched his head.
"Oh, I know." Trent said smugly. "The freakshow is talking in haikus again! Trying to be all profound and…stuff."
"Like you know what haikus are." Lucy scoffed at him before turning back to Chandler, panting.
"And I'm not scared of you. You're just a miserable jerk who has nothing productive to do with his life. Nothing but a pathetic… sewer rat!" Lucy stated, trying to sound as strong as her hoarse voice would allow.
"Oh, I'm a sewer rat, am I?" Chandler retorted, trying to hide his growing vexation, and grabbed Lucy's arm.
"Let go of me!"
"Then why don't we pay my home a visit?" Chandler laughed before glowering at Gunter and Trent.
"Yo, Fatso, Four-Eyes. Don't just stand there! Grab the cart. We're going on a trip to the sewage dump!"
Lincoln paced back and forth in the living room, constantly looking at the wall clock.
"What's taking them so long?" he wondered with growing concern. His sisters were becoming impatient and with each passing minute, it would be harder to do this without attracting Lori or Lola's attention.
His gut told him that something had gone wrong, he just knew it. Sweating profusely, he cleaned his forehead with a tissue and continued pacing, but they wouldn't show up.
Eventually, he couldn't take it anymore.
"That's it. I gotta find them!" he ran for the front door, but just as he was about to grab the handle, the doorbell rang, making his heart skip a beat.
"They're here!" He beamed, only to then frown with dread. No? Lynn and Lucy wouldn't be ringing the doorbell?
He stood there for a minute and it rang again. Lincoln didn't want to open the door but knew that if he didn't answer, someone else would hear the doorbell and do it.
He had to do this on his own. Taking a deep breath, he opened the door, hoping against hope that it was just the mailman or Mr. Grouse coming to complain.
Of course it wasn't.
He swallowed a lump as he was met with Kathleen, sporting a cordial smile.
"Why, good morning, Lincoln. I hope I didn't barge in at a bad time."
"Kathleen? I…this really isn't the best-"
"Because I would really like to talk to your parents." Kathleen cut to the chase and tried to peek in. "Where are they?"
"You can't." the skittish Lincoln tried to block her path.
"And why?" Kathleen asked.
"Because…they're not here." Lincoln lied. "They had to attend…. a friend's wedding?"
Rolling her eyes, Kathleen counted down her fingers behind her back. "Three…two…one."
"Stop bothering her, you jerk!" Lola pushed her brother to the floor.
"And stop being a filthy liar!" she pointed at Lincoln. "Mom's doing the laundry, and dad just got up!"
"Oh, I see." Kathleen sniffed and turned around sadly. "I'm still not welcome here. Best be going…"
"No, don't be ridiculous." Lola grabbed her arm. "You're always welcome at my house as long as I got something to say."
"Oh, well." Kathleen turned around immediately and smiled. "If you really insist, Lols."
"Lincoln? Lola? What's going on there?" they heard Rita's voice.
"Oh, no…" Lincoln muttered.
Kathleen smiled to herself. "It's show time…"
Oh, Lynn. Why did you have to chase after the obvious body double XD Unfortunately, character flaws such as impulsiveness aren't something you can grow out of overnight.
I'm amazed that I've managed to squeeze in so many characters in this one chapter, which opened the door for lots of interactions. Among other things, I finally got to show what a typical sibling fight between Renee and Ryan looks like; very brutal and unrestrained that is, with both siblings being able to pack a wallop and take a lot of punishment. Too bad Ryan chose the worst possible time to play the distraction.