Chapter 22

I looked at him long and hard. Unsure if I had heard him correctly. No, I hope I had not heard him correctly. However, judging by the look on Inuyasha's face. I could tell that that was not the case. The color had drained from his face, and eyes wide. I could feel Sesshomaru's grip tighten on my hand. I kept my eyes on the table.

"Himiko's grandpa killed Lord Sesshomaru's father?" she asked.

The silence between us was thick. Kimi slid Rin off her lap and patted her head. "Go and run along, little human. Go play in the room I showed you, bring your uncle with you."

Rin looked unsure but did as she was told. I could sense nothing coming from Inuyasha. It was as if he was empty. She grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the room. He didn't know how to process this information either. I watched the door close after them. I felt as though I could finally breathe again. Sesshomaru leaned in a bit closer to me.

"Himiko I know that hearing this, must come as a shock to you, but please understand that this is not something I have chosen to keep from you. Nor is it something I hold against you."

All I could do was focus on the growing guilt that had balled up in my gut, because of my family Inuyasha would never have a chance to know his father; because of my family, Sesshomaru's father was ripped away from him. I pulled my hand from his and placed it in my lap. I could not shake the fear creeping up on him. Part of me was scared. Afraid that Inuyasha would hate me, for being related to the demon that took away his chance at having a family.

Sesshomaru put his hand on my back. "Himiko."

I swallowed the lump in my throat. "You say that you did not choose to keep this from me. How could you forget something like this?"

"I was focused on you and our future. Not things that I cannot change." He kissed the back of my hand. "Do not be angry with me."

I couldn't meet any of their eyes. I felt this overwhelming amount of shame.

"I am not angry," I said. "I… I am sorry."

"You have nothing to apologize for Himiko. Especially when you had no part in it." Kimi chimed in. "This was centuries before your time. We do not hold you accountable for any of it. It is all water under the bridge."

"How can you all be so calm about this?" I asked."

Kimi rested her chin on her hand. "Dear, I do not mean to sound harsh. However, to you, this is new information. This is something we have lived with for quite some time. We have been through it all. We have blamed each other. Your grandmother and I have fought countless times. Sesshomaru had done his fair share of trying to avenge his father, by attacking your grandfather, time and time again. We were on the cusp of war…, but some things are not worth ruining empires for. We grew tired of the back-and-forth child. We were fighting a battle that was not our own."

"The both of you may not harbor any ill will towards me, but that does not mean he feels the same," I said gesturing to the door.

"He needs some time, but if you fear he will hate you. He will not." Sesshomaru.

"What makes you so sure, Sesshomaru?"

"I know. Trust me," he said reassuringly.

Even with all of their reassurance. I still felt uneasy. No one knew how Inuyasha truly felt about it, but him. It would take more than one day to digest something like this until I heard it from his mouth. I'd continue to feel this way.

"Let us talk about happier things." my grandmother cut in.

She most likely sensed how uncomfortable I felt.

She smiled brightly. "Let us talk about the wedding!"

Good, I needed to focus on something else for the time being. I had to do something I had only done a while ago. I put my facade back on and gave them the best fake smile I could muster.

"Of course," I said., with a smile.

My mind was still reeling from what I learned before. I could hardly focus on the talk of the wedding. I'm sure everything would be perfect regardless. I told her that Rin and Inuyasha would be at the wedding. That they should be put in an important place. Seeing as they are important people to me. With anything else, she could have her way... A part of me wondered if she was going to such lengths because she did not have the chance to do this for my mother. So long as the people I held near and dear to me were present. I did not care for anything else. We had spent the rest of the day exploring the city—all of us. All, except for Inuyasha. I pulled my robe tightly around me before getting into bed. I had secretly thought of my vows while I sat in the bath.

"I am getting married tomorrow," I said to myself.

"Yes, we are."

My head snapped up. I hadn't realized that he had come into the room. I didn't remember hearing the door open. He came and laid beside me, brushing my hair over my shoulder and out of my face.

"You have had a long day."

I let out a sigh and nodded. He pulled me closer to him. I took a deep breath, breathing him in. I needed this. For us to be alone for a moment.

"Where is Inuyasha?"

"He is in his room. I am sure he will speak to you sometime tomorrow."

"What makes you so sure?"

"He cares for you too much to let you stand at the altar, with so much on your mind. Do not let this get to you, Himiko. I understand you are used to coming from a family that does only great things. However, every family is not going to be perfect. They all have their secrets. That is not a blight on you. Or anything you have done, or anything you will do. I have said this countless times. You do not have to be perfect at all times. Even though you feel as though you have to be."

"I do not know how else to be Sesshomaru. This is what I have convinced myself of; how I raised myself. If I am perfect and can be everything people need… then no one can discard me." I said the last part quietly.

"You do not need to go above and beyond for anyone. Anyone that needs you to be anything extra. Are the ones that should be discarded." He held me tighter. "You are all I have ever wanted. You are all I ever wanted love to be. You don't have to be perfect for me to love you; for anyone to love you. Let me love all of your so-called imperfections. All of the details that make you, you. Let me love away your insecurities and remind you each day how breathtaking you are." he said nuzzling into my neck.

I could feel my face getting hot, and his hand found its way to my thigh.

This was a very welcomed distraction.

The servants waited on me hand on foot. They shooed Sesshomaru away from the male servants before I woke up. He did not understand that he could not see me before the wedding, while I was getting ready. Part of me wished Ayame could be here to help dress me. Their servants were doing an immaculate job, but it was not the same. I took a deep breath and looked at my reflection. I always knew I was beautiful, but I had never felt more beautiful than at this moment.

My grandmother had described the dress. Her words did not do it justice. It was backless. It was a deep v-plunge that was done tastefully. A thin white mesh-like material sat over the regular white dress. The long sleeves down to my hips were adorned with crystals. The skirt poofed out slightly. The part of the veil covering my face stopped right below my chin. The train was dragging behind me. My shoes were covered in the same crystals as my dress. I traced the diamond necklace with my finger. It belonged to my mother. It feels like I have a small piece of her with me. The pearl earrings belonged to my grandmother. There was a knock at the door pulling me out of my thoughts. I turned to see Inuyasha standing in the doorway. I shot up to my feet.

"Can you please give us a moment?" I said.

The servants rushed into the hall, the last girl closing the door behind her. He gave me a small smile.

"You look beautiful," he said coming over to me.

I smiled back. "You clean up nicely as well. I am surprised you are wearing shoes." I teased.

We fell silent, and the awkwardness crept back in.

He let out a sigh. "Himiko-"

"Please do not hate me. I don't want to lose this family. I don't want to lose you." I blurted out.

I clamped my hand over my mouth, seconds after the words left my mouth. I hadn't meant to let that secret slip. There it was. The scared little girl inside me clawing her way out; speaking for me. Proving that I am in fact, not strong… I am a fraud. Embarrassment, fear, I didn't know which I felt more. I took a step back and he set his hands on my shoulders.

"I love you," he said, lifting the veil over my head.

My eyes went wide as I realized what it was that he meant.

"There. Now we both know each other secret," he said letting his hands drop.

I had so many questions, but so little time.

"Don't worry. I know you and Sesshomaru are inseparable. I would never cross that line." he said slipping his hands into pockets.

I relaxed. It was not the most shocking news I'd heard in the past two days... but still.

"Now, to more important things. I want you to know that it's okay."

"Really?" I asked hopeful.

He nodded. "I mean yeah. What Sesshomaru said was crazy and it shocked the hell out of me, but I don't blame you for what some crazy demon did centuries ago. Sometimes our family members do things that we aren't proud of. No one knows that better than me. Will it stick with me for a while? Of course. This would shock anyone, I don't hate you Himiko. I could never hate you."

I took a deep breath. "Are you sure?"

He nodded. "I'm positive. So, don't you dare carry any of this crap up there with you when you marry my brother," he said playfully.

Sesshomaru was right.

I felt a weight lift off me the moment he said those words. He fixed my veil, covering my face again.

He grinned at me. "Now, let's get you to your wedding."