So… what should I say about this chapter?
It was a very special one to write. I mean, writing Sheldon and Amy's first steps into intimacy is always special. But this one was something else. Especially, because it is happening so early in their relationship.
I told some of you already, but I want to share this little tidbit here to: This story was initially called "The night the heat went out". Mainly because it really was only meant to be a one-shot. But after deciding on making a longer story out of it, I knew I couldn't be that obvious. Hence the title "Exothermic Love Reactions." For those whose chemistry lessons have been a while ago: Exothermic reactions are reactions that release/create heat. So, that's exactly what Sheldon and Amy will be doing in this chapter. Creating heat together. With love.
To be honest, I had a hard time, deciding on how far to let them go. How to include their fears and insecurities without tainting the experience. How to make it both passionate and realistic and not too rushed. That's why I had so many versions of this chapter. I have reread and edited this chapter so much, and now I have no idea if I have managed to get it right. To be honest, many parts are probably not very realistic, so I hope, the build-up to it was enough to make it make sense. First and foremost, I want to focus on the fun, the lightness, the playfulness that was between Sheldon and Amy this whole week. And the feelings they are now very aware of. But I am justifying my decisions by saying, this all is happening during Season 5. Before Sheldon started getting scared and pushing Amy away. So, in this version, he just won't be doing that. At all. But of course, this is still early Sheldon, so it will be a bit awkward too.
I had so much fun writing this chapter, and I hope you will have fun reading it as well. It is emotional and serious, but it is also a bit silly and not meant to be taken to seriously. And don't worry, it will not be the last M-rated chapter of this story.
Exothermic Love Reactions
Chapter 7 – "Intertwining Forces for Thermoregulation"
Amy
"Amy.", he continued. "Take off your clothes. We have to sleep together naked."
She had misheard. She must have.
"W… what?", she croaked.
She could only blink as she watched her boyfriend untie the knot of his bathrobe.
He wasn't wasting any time now, was he?
"Sh… Sheldon, wait.", she stuttered. "Are you… serious?"
"Of course I am serious.", he said matter-of-factly.
Amy did not understand.
It felt like there was some kind of barrier, blocking her brain from comprehending what was about to happen.
Sheldon could not be serious. He could not.
There was bound to be a 'Bazinga' somewhere. Like that time when he had suggested they should have coitus one time in their relationship.
There had to be one.
Where the hell was the 'Bazinga'?
Sheldon, her boyfriend who's first question regarding this trip had been their sleeping arrangements… tonight he wanted to… sleep in her bed? Naked?
She blinked, then pinched herself again.
Nope. Not a dream.
"Sheldon, please pardon my next question but… are you crazy?"
He rolled his eyes at her.
"You know full well I'm not. I told you, my mother had me tested."
"But… you cannot be serious, right? You want us to sleep together naked? That does not sound like you."
Although… they had cuddled a few hours before. And kissed. Which also did not sound like Sheldon, so what the hell did she know.
He rolled his eyes once more.
"Well, Amy, I do not want to, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Might I remind you of our circumstances. If we just go to sleep at this temperature, we might be freezing to death. But if we sleep together naked, we will be generating enough body warmth to prevent it. I believe this should be in both our best interests."
Now, this sounded much more like Sheldon.
"But…", she tried to protest.
"Or do you have a better idea?"
She blinked again, then sat up fully in her bed.
Amy had to admit, the more she thought about it, the more she wondered why she was even fighting this.
How many times had she dreamed of this?
Of having Sheldon in her bed naked. For a whole night.
She would not pass on it, would she?
"I mean…", she said, her mouth suddenly feeling dry. She felt, she owed it to Sheldon to at least point out an alternative. "We could… walk to the main cottage. Call the emergency number. Maybe see if we could… sleep there."
He seemed to hesitate.
Had he not thought about this, she wondered? Had sleeping in her bed naked been the first thing on his mind?
"It's a thirty-minute walk, Amy.", he finally told her. "In the cold. Through the forest. We don't know what kinds of wild animals live in this area. If I had to choose, between being eaten by a pack of wolves and sharing a bed with you, I'd pick the latter."
Amy chuckled dryly. Well, if he put it like that.
"How flattering.", she remarked.
"Plain logic always is.", he agreed. "Now are you going to take off your clothes? I'm really freezing here, Amy."
This was unbelievable.
Sheldon Cooper was standing in front of her bed. Shivering. Begging her to get naked. To sleep with her. In her bed.
Naked.
"Turn around.", she told him, suddenly feeling shy. "I don't want you to see me undress."
"Alright, I can do that.", he conceded.
Maybe she was being stupid. He would be in her bed in a minute. His naked body touching hers. Why did she not want him to see her?
She couldn't quite explain it, but when he turned around, like the gentleman he was, she breathed out relieved.
Quickly, before she could think about it too much, she pulled her nightgown over her head. After consideration, she shimmied out of her panties too – he did say 'naked' after all – and at last took off her warm woolen socks.
Then, she lay down again and pulled the blanket right up to her neck.
Why, she did not know. He would be joining her under the sheets in mere minutes anyway.
"I'm done.", she breathed out. "It's your turn. Do you want me to turn off the l…"
She wasn't able to utter one more syllable, when Sheldon took off his pajamas. First the top, then the bottom.
He folded both items neatly and put them on the dresser next to the bed.
Amy couldn't stop herself from staring, as he then pulled his undershirt over his head. Just like that. He wasn't shy at all. It seemed he didn't even notice her gaze on his body.
Her breath hitched in her throat as she took in his bare chest and his strong arms.
She had to suppress a moan as she remembered lying in these arms just a few hours ago.
Sheldon had always been very attractive to her, but damn, did he have to look this sexy right now?
How was she supposed to sleep with this chiseled body next to hers.
When he hooked his fingers into his underwear, Amy had to force herself to look away. She wanted to see him, she did. But her knees already felt like jelly. And she had to get through this night without fainting.
Without saying a word, he climbed on the bed then and Amy lifted the cover so Sheldon could make himself comfortable.
As soon as he was lying next to her, she turned out the light, cloaking them in complete darkness.
For a few moments, everything was silent, and Amy tried to let this new reality sink in.
Sheldon's hip was touching her hip. His shoulder was touching her shoulder. This was more skin contact than they ever shared before.
Already she didn't really feel cold anymore.
But she didn't feel warm either. She had no sense for temperature anymore.
Instead, she felt… strange. And so many things at once. Embarrassed. Excited. Scared. On edge.
Aroused.
"Amy… I think… uhm…"
She startled as she heard Sheldon's voice next to her.
"Y…", she cleared her throat. "Yes, Sheldon?"
"Uhm…", he mumbled, his voice at least an octave deeper than usually. "L… logic dictates that… the sharing of our body warmth will work better if our bodies were… uhm… touching more."
He wanted to touch her…
"Right…", she agreed apprehensively. "So… do you… think we should…"
"Cuddle.", Sheldon said firmly. "Yes. We should cuddle. Like we did before."
"And… you're sure you'd be comfortable with that?", she clarified.
Her heart was pounding in her chest.
More cuddling. Naked for crying out loud.
"Well… we've done it before.", he repeated. "And… it's only logical. Don't you agree?"
Logical!
Well, she certainly was on board with living in a world where cuddling naked with her boyfriend was a logical thing to do.
She cleared her throat audibly.
"I… I do. I agree."
She could feel him turn on his side.
She turned to him as well and hesitated.
And then she all but jumped as she felt his left hand on her hip. His touch, small at it was, seemed to be burning through her skin.
He gently tugged at her body, and she scooted closer to him. Then, suddenly, she found herself pulled into his arms. Both his arms snaked around her naked form, one hand on her shoulder blade, the other on the swell of her bottom.
'It's logical', she reminded herself. 'This does not mean anything. Sheldon probably doesn't even notice your nakedness. Do not get your hopes up. And enjoy the logic while it lasts.'
He turned on his back again, pulling her with him, so her head was resting on his chest.
It was almost like before. Except well… without clothes and… more horizontal.
Sheldon's body still felt slightly cold. His chest… strong and smooth except one little patch of hair. His arms around her felt heavenly, and so did his hands, one on her back, one still on her hip.
He shivered as she wrapped one hand around his back and placed the other on his shoulder.
"Is this okay?", she asked carefully. "Not too much?"
"As I said.", Sheldon answered, his voice shaking slightly. "This is logical. Necessary. There's a reason we're doing this."
"Survival.", she nodded.
"Exactly."
She swallowed deeply, trying to tame the burning desire she was feeling both in her body and soul.
This was surreal.
She was surrounded by Sheldon's naked body. By his warmth. His scent.
No matter what this night would bring – probably nothing more than it already had – at the very least, this was how she was going to wake up on her first Valentine's Day as a girlfriend.
And that made her incredibly happy.
Sheldon
It was quiet. And dark.
And quiet.
Had he mentioned how quiet it was?
Him and Amy. Naked. Intertwined.
Him and Amy… and his thoughts.
Thoughts about cuddling… and… confessions.
About all the confusing things that had happened on this day.
The cuddling in the afternoon… it hadn't been unpleasant.
In fact… he had liked being able to comfort her with it.
After Amy's ridiculous idea that someone else could be more suited for him than she was.
Didn't she understand how much he disliked this woman?
Also, no one was more suited to him than Amy, she had to understand that too, right?
And if she hadn't before, then she had to understand now.
How come he had been able to open up to her like that? It wasn't like him at all.
But now that he did… he felt so raw. It felt like he lay there open for her to see him.
He had felt… naked.
Which was ironic, judging the situation he currently found himself in.
He had not expected this to affect him at all. Why should it?
It was logic. Mere logic.
Two adult human beings who found themselves in a dangerous situation and wanted to survive.
Although, he realized, he might not have thought it through.
How could he have ever assumed that sleeping naked with Amy in his arms would in any way be similar to sleeping in this position with his friends a few years ago?
But even though it were similar circumstances and an almost identical solution, he realized now, that the situation itself could not be more different.
Amy's body in his arms… her breath on his chest…
Suddenly, he couldn't help but feel like maybe the wolves would have been the less dangerous option.
There was no reason for his heart to pound in his chest like it did. Or for the strange sensation in his spine as he realized that Amy's naked breasts were pressed to his body.
Her skin… it felt unimaginable soft. And she smelled so nice. Flowery and fresh but also… unique.
"Sheldon? Are you alright?"
He was startled slightly by the sound of her voice.
"Why… wouldn't I be?"
"You're so quiet.", she pointed out.
"Maybe I'm just trying to sleep.", he argued.
"Are you?"
He could feel his cheeks heat up.
He knew he should be trying to sleep. It was late. He was lying in bed. The danger of freezing to death had been averted.
But somehow, he was still awake. Not because he couldn't sleep. But because he wasn't even trying.
And now that Amy had pointed this out, he couldn't help but ask himself why that was.
"No.", he finally admitted. "Are you?"
"No".
"Why?", he asked, hoping she would have a better understanding of what was going on here.
"Because…", she sighed. "Because this is new. And I'm too… nervous."
He could have asked her why. Why was she nervous?
But it was in this moment that he realized it was what he was feeling as well.
"So, I take it, this is not what you meant, when you complained about the fact I wasn't sharing a room with you, huh?"
"It wouldn't have crossed my mind in my wildest dreams.", she chuckled, and he smiled, proud of his little joke. "And I did not complain. I just pointed it out."
"Amy, did you want us to be sharing a room?", he clarified. After all, it was one of the first things she had said, just hours ago, when she was upset about his nightly visitor. "Because I thought this was what we had agreed on. When we went to the conference in Big Sur last year."
After all, it was Amy who had pointed out it would be unwise to learn about each other's bathroom habits.
"That was different.", she said quietly.
"Because we're girlfriend and boyfriend now?", he asked.
"Well… yes."
Sheldon huffed.
"But… we're still us. How was I supposed to know that you changed your mind about that?"
It was not like he would have wanted to share a room with her. But if he had known… then maybe he would have considered it.
"I mean… ever since we met… I have changed my mind about quiet a few things. And I think, so have you."
'All physical contact up to and including coitus are off the table.'
This was what had made him buy her a beverage back then. And now, not even two years ago, they were here, in this strange situation. After a day of handholding and… kissing.
"Maybe I have.", he admitted.
"You kissed me today, Sheldon.", she said softly.
"I know."
"Did you like it?"
He took a few deep breaths before he answered.
The truth was… he wanted to be able to say no. He did not want to have liked it. The danger of having to change his ways was looming over him. If he liked kissing then… what would that say about him?
"It has taken me by surprise.", he chose to answer.
"The kissing?"
"How easy it was for me to kiss you in that moment.", he admitted. "And it was not… unpleasant."
"That's good to hear."
She let her fingers run over his ribcage and he squeezed his eyes shut at the sensation.
It was okay, he reminded himself. They were cuddling. Amy had caressed his body before, on the couch. Granted, without the layers of clothing, it felt much more intense.
But he could manage. And this too did not feel unpleasant at all.
"I'm looking forward to kissing you again tomorrow.", she murmured.
Why wait until tomorrow?
Sheldon shook his head.
Where did that thought come from?
He closed his eyes again. Amy was still caressing him softly. It felt stimulating. But even more, it felt… nice.
Her fingers felt so gentle, and he felt himself relax into her touch. There was this strange tingling sensation again. But more prominent now. Something in his mind was begging him to act on it. Although he wasn't sure, how he was even supposed to do that.
"I have feelings for you too, you know.", Amy whispered next to him.
Oh, goody… More confessions.
Well, he guessed there was something about this situation. Lying in a bed together naked, not able to see each other in the dark. It seemed to make it easier to… confess things.
Even if he couldn't see her, he turned his face towards her, waiting for her to elaborate.
"I did not say it back when you said it earlier.", she explained. "I guess I was surprised by your words. And giddy and happy and… a little shocked too. So, I did not say it back. But I do. I have feelings for you too."
Oh. He hadn't even noticed she had not said it back.
And did it really matter? He knew Amy had feelings for him. It was obvious.
Which made him wonder… Why? Why was it obvious to him, when he could never tell what anyone else was feeling?
But somehow, he had never had to doubt Amy's feelings towards him.
She respected him. She liked spending time with him. She admired him. And maybe, she also…
"Have you… identified the nature of those feelings?", he asked. "I'm curious because I have been trying to, but I haven't really been able to."
"I think I have.", she admitted.
"And?", he asked.
"I will not tell you.", she whispered. "I want you to get to your own conclusion without my influence. And maybe, once you have figured it out, we can compare notes."
Drats.
That sounded like a lot of unnecessary thinking and talking about hippy dippy stuff. Why couldn't she just give him the solution right now?
Although, to be completely honest, he already had a strong suspicion.
Without thinking about it, he stretched out his fingers that were on Amy's hip, then caressed her as softly as she was touching him.
"Hmmm…"
He startled as he heard Amy hum softly.
Suddenly, he started feeling hot. It seemed, sharing body warmth with Amy proved to be much more effective than he had thought.
He should stop. He definitely should. But he couldn't help it.
He was fascinated. By the silky feeling of her skin. By the curve of her hip. By what he felt for her. By the fact that he, Sheldon Cooper, was doing this. Touching his girlfriend. In bed. Naked. Without the urge to run.
He swallowed hard.
Something was happening to him. The tingles in her lower belly seemed to be spreading out to other parts of his body. His chest. His spine. His…
Uh oh…
He had to get himself under control. And fast. Before she would notice…
Her right leg moved slightly and then… oh no… she gasped.
"Sorry.", he said in a small voice, trying to turn his hips away from her. "This is… highly inappropriate. I cannot even explain. I… I…"
"Sheldon…", she said softly, interrupting his stuttering. Blessedly, her leg moved away from his traitorous body part. "It's okay. This is a perfectly normal physical reaction."
Perfectly normal?
"Not for me.", he insisted. "This is so embarrassing. I don't want you to think less of me… I respect you, Amy, for your brain. My body should not react..."
"It's okay. I know you respect me. And I certainly am not thinking any less of you.", she reassured him.
"You don't?"
"Sheldon.", she said, caressing his chest some more. "We are in bed together. Naked. Our bodies pressed together. Honestly, I think a part of me would be worried if you're body wasn't reacting to it."
"You would?", he asked surprised. "But…"
"No one understands unwelcome sexual arousal better than I do, Sheldon.", she reminded him. "Just think of this embarrassing Zach-incident."
He really did not like to think of this. In fact, if she kept mentioning her former suitors, his problem would probably solve itself.
Amy getting aroused because of that Neanderthal… he had not liked that. At all.
"Right.", he nodded. "I mean, I am a male with fully functioning genitals, It is only natural that I get… uhm…"
He couldn't even say the word aroused.
"It's a cross we all must bear.", she answered quietly, which put his mind at ease greatly. "I understand."
A cross we all must bear.
Did that mean… was she…
Oh dear Lord, he could feel the blood from his brain rushing south.
Maybe… his arousal wasn't as unwelcome as he had thought after all.
"Does it… uhm… happen to you too then?", he asked apprehensively.
Amy lifted her head. He was glad about the fact she could not see the redness on his face.
"I must have misheard.", she breathed out. "Because there is no way you, Sheldon Cooper, just asked me, Amy Farrah Fowler, if I am sexually aroused by you. While lying in bed with me. Naked. Sporting an erection."
"I did ask you though.", he stated impatiently. Why did she try to avoid answering?
"Wake up, Amy…", she mumbled to herself. "Wake up. Wake up now."
Oh. Did that mean she wasn't aroused? If so, he did not know how to feel about it.
"Or… does it not happen to you?", he asked, feeling strangely disappointed. "Does it only happen with guys like… Zach? Or… Stuart?"
"For the record, I was never aroused by Stuart. And with Zach, it stopped when I realized how… dull he was. I do get aroused, Sheldon. But only by… uhm… people that are on my level. Intellectually."
A wave of relief rushed through him.
"That only leaves…"
"You, Sheldon.", she stressed. "Of course, I am aroused by you. How could I not. In the position we are currently in?"
"Oh."
His brain didn't work properly anymore.
He was overwhelmed by everything he was feeling. Her soft skin. Her little hands. Her hair sprawled across his chest.
By knowing she was fighting the same dilemma he was.
Amy was aroused. Because of him. And he was aroused as well.
Painfully so.
Should he suggest practicing kolihnar?
Somehow, he had a feeling, it would not prove to be effective.
So… if he looked at it logically… Oh, boy, was he even capable of thinking logically anymore? It sounded crazy in his mind.
But… there were here already. Naked. In bed. Aroused. Unable to sleep.
"Do you think, we should do something about it?", he asked hesitantly.
"D… do… something?", he stuttered. "You mean…"
"I mean…", he swallowed deeply. "It is a well-known fact that sexual arousal makes it hard to fall asleep. And the release of hormones associated with orgasm into the bloodstream is said to make people… relaxed and… sleepy."
"So, you are saying that", she lifted her head again. Her voice sounded strange. "You are saying that… logic dictates that we… try to achieve orgasm together?"
He shivered at her words.
This was so not what he had planned when he had proposed this endeavor. His mind was telling him to shut his mouth and go asleep. But his body screamed at him.
YES! YES! YES! PLEASE!
"Well, I realize this sounds unconventional, but…"
"How do you propose we do that?", she asked.
He blinked. Was she… on board with it?
"I don't know.", he said hesitantly. "I guess, the easiest way would be to just… do it separately. I mean, I know how to do it and I assume that you…"
"I am not going to touch myself next to you, Sheldon.", Amy said firmly.
Oh. He had not anticipated this reaction.
Was she embarrassed for some reason?
"Well, I guess, there is another option. But if you are against self-manipulation, then I guess you will not like that either. It would involve… a lot of unnecessary touching and…"
"Are you suggesting we engage in coitus, Sheldon?", Amy gasped.
"What?", he exclaimed. "I am suggesting no such thing. But… as I understand, there are other ways to… uhm… I mean, these are unique circumstances, so maybe… maybe..."
Amy was silent.
She probably thought he was crazy. And maybe she was right. Maybe he should have himself tested again.
"No, forget it.", he said quickly. "I don't know what's going on with me. This must be the cheese fondue. It must have contained more alcohol than I thought. We… we cannot do this. It would… completely go against our relationship agreement. It's madness, Amy. Please forget…"
"We are not being restricted by the rules of our Relationship Agreement here in Switzerland, remember.", she reminded him. "We already stipulated to that. So… what you are suggesting… is not against any rules."
"Oh, so… that makes sense.", he nodded enthusiastically.
He did not know if this was true. But his body urged him on.
"So, how are we going to play this?", she asked and ran her fingers over his chest. Oh, why did she have to be so stimulating? And why was she being so bold all of a sudden. "Do you want me to touch you first?"
Oh…
So… apparently, they were doing this. The decision had been made.
When had that happened?
This was bad. Or maybe…
Maybe it was good.
"No.", he said firmly. "I may not know a lot about this but… I do know that… the man is supposed to take care of the woman first."
"Where have you heard that?", she asked amused.
"My brother. And my father. And Leonard. And Raj. And… well, everyone who made me participate in ridiculous conversations like that."
"Oh. Okay.", she said.
Okay?
Did that count as consent?
Or was he supposed to ask first?
"Amy?", he asked, his mouth suddenly feeling dry. "Will you allow me to… uhm… touch you?"
Amy
It had taken a while, but finally, Amy had figured out what was going on here.
This was not real. None of it.
There had been an avalanche, and she was currently buried under six feet of snow, fighting for her life.
It was the only explanation.
Yes, this was it. The lack of oxygen was making her hallucinate.
There was no way she was currently naked, cuddling with her equally naked boyfriend in a cozy bed on top of a mountain. No. Freaking. Way. That should have been her first clue.
But the fact that he was aroused by her? That his body had reacted to her this way? And that he was… okay with it? That he had actually suggested touching her?
Well, it was settled. This wasn't real. And she was currently dying.
And if that were the case… if these were her last minutes on Earth… well, she would enjoy this hallucination to its fullest.
"Alright.", she said. "Let's… do this."
The room was still fully dark, so she wasn't able to see the expression on his face, but she did hear his labored breaths.
"So… uhm… how do we proceed?", he asked. "Do I just… touch you?"
Wow… this was remarkable. This hallucination felt so real.
Sheldon's voice was shaking. Just as she had always thought it would in a moment like that.
"I mean… yes. That's… what you suggested. Right?"
She couldn't see the nod, but she could feel the tiny whiff of air, as his head moved.
And then, she felt his hand leave her hip and explore her.
On her shoulder at first.
It felt cold. And at the same time, it felt as if it was burning right through her skin.
She held on to his shoulder as he was caressing hers with trembling fingers.
But he did not stay there long.
"Oh…", she breathed out in surprise, as his hand closed around her left breast and gave her a gentle squeeze.
He was more eager than she had thought. Of course he was. After all, he was a hallucination.
"Is that alright? I did not ask you for permission or… boundaries."
His hand did not leave her breast though.
"No, it's alright.", she said quickly. "I was just… surprised."
She rolled her eyes at herself. She had given him permission now, hadn't she. How could she be surprised now.
If Sheldon was bothered by her behavior, he did not let it show.
He squeezed her breast twice more and Amy had to stifle a moan as he moved to her right breast and squeezed that one too.
It felt so much more intense than when she did this to herself.
"Your skin feels so soft.", he mumbled. "I did not… expect that. But… I should have. Due to different hormone levels, women's skin contains more collagen, which provides structure and firmness and contributes to the perception of increased softness."
"Sheldon…", she whispered.
"Also, women tend to have a more elaborate skincare routine than men, and while I do not know the details of yours, it is clear, that you put effort into… well… I mean…"
"Sheldon…", she repeated, a grin forming on her face.
He was giving her a lecture about hormone levels and skincare routines? When she was a biologist and a woman?
Maybe he was not a hallucination after all.
"What, Amy? I am just trying to find an explanation of your softness and your pleasant scent."
Hallucination. Definitely.
"I…", she shook her head. What was she about to say? His touch was so distracting. And so were his compliments. "Nothing. I was just going to point out that… you bringing up scientific facts is… contributing to the situation at hand."
He swallowed deeply.
"Is that so, Doctor Fowler?"
Her stomach constricted.
"Oh yes.", she replied sultry. "Yes, Doctor Cooper, it certainly is."
She could feel her cheeks heat up. But it was the truth. Hallucination or not, she felt even more wetness forming between her legs.
Sheldon didn't answer. Instead, he gave her left breast another squeeze, then circled her nipple with his thumb. It hardened under his touch.
"Huh…", he breathed out. "Fascinating."
"Hooo…", she replied. She wasn't able to say anything else.
He wasn't done exploring her though. Switching his attention between her breasts, he alternated between caressing her softly and toying with her nipples.
She was barely able to breathe anymore. This was… out of this world. His touch… His focus on her…
He was completely silent. Seemingly listening to her reactions.
She bit her lower lip, trying to keep herself from moaning too loudly. There was no way to tell how Sheldon would react to that.
But then, she yelped, as his hand moved down her belly.
He was gentle. His fingers tickling her slightly. He stroked the underside of her breast with his knuckles, then moved to her bellybutton. He seemed to be fully concentrated, taking deep breaths as he explored her.
Finally, his right hand moved further south.
Amy inhaled sharply.
He wouldn't… would he?
"Oh… oh, wow…", she breathed out.
Turned out, he would.
His hand cupped her between her legs.
"Oh…", he said, his voice sounding raspy. "You are… this is… exuding even more heat than your bottom."
Her head was spinning. Was this a compliment? Or was he saying that this bothered him?
She was about to ask, but then she almost jumped.
"Interesting…", Sheldon breathed out, as his fingers glid through the wetness between her legs. "I did not expect it to feel like this."
"Then…", she panted. "What… did… you… expect?"
"I guess…", he whispered. "I never… thought about it."
He was exploring her slowly. His fingers moving through her folds, as if he was searching something.
"You're so…", he breathed out heavily. "Wet. Because… of me?"
"Does this…", she cleared her throat. "Are you… finding this… repellant?"
She knew she should not ask a question when she was afraid of the answer. But she just had to.
He kept moving his fingers over her sex.
"No.", he said then. "Not at all."
"But… you are a germophobe.", she protested weakly. "You have a hard time shaking people's hands. You called kissing unsanitary once. How can you not be disgusted right now?"
"Amy…", he said in the same gentle voice a teacher would use to explain something to a child. "You are a biologist. So, you know that… different body parts and fluids can contain different types of bacteria and viruses. Now…"
She had a hard time listening, as he kept moving through her wetness. One finger was circling her entrance, before he slowly entered her. She shivered.
"Depending on how your day goes and what surfaces you touch, your hands can be covered in some of the most dangerous germs. You can spread a number of diseases through hand-to-mouth contact. That's why I don't like shaking hands. Another way of spreading diseases is through your respiratory system. Which makes kissing potentially dangerous."
"Uh hu…", she breathed out, as his finger carefully slid deeper into her most private part.
She knew this. Of course she did. She was a biologist. But right now… there was no more blood left in her brain.
This hallucination was… feeling so, so real.
"Your genitals however… the only surface those usually touch during the day is your underwear. And the fluids… don't contain the same germs. Touching you there, while… I guess it is something I would have to get used to… is not endangering me in any way."
"Mhmm…", she moaned as he extracted his finger and gently pushed it in again.
How often had she fantasized about this? About his beautiful, long, agile fingers?
She clenched around him.
"Fascinating…", he repeated.
She forced herself to open her eyes.
This was… amazing. But something was missing.
The way they did this. So logically… sharing scientific facts… as fascinating as it was, somehow, it was bothering her that there wasn't more…
"Sheldon…", she whispered. "I know it's not Valentine's Day yet, but… could you please… kiss me again?"
"I mean I can, if you want me to.", he rasped. "But… I want the record to reflect that I just told you about the danger of respiratory fluids."
She rolled her eyes.
Sheldon touching her between her legs but hesitating to kiss her… that was almost too real to be a hallucination.
But she couldn't help it.
"We already kissed today, Sheldon.", she reminded him.
"And me kissing you right now would make this experience more satisfying for you?", he clarified.
Amy rolled her eyes again.
"Yes."
"Alright.", Sheldon said to her surprise. "You do realize that kissing is one of the most illogical things a couple could be doing. Think of all the germs that are accumulating during the day. Really, Amy, if you wanted a kiss, it would make more sense to kiss you down there."
He moved his fingers as if to emphasize his point.
A strangled sob escaped her throat. Did Sheldon realize what he just said?
Kiss me where I've never been kissed before…
"K… k… kiss me… down there?", she croaked.
"Not… uhm…", he said, sounding alarmed. "Not that I am planning on doing that."
"Of course not.", Amy said, blinking rapidly. "You would never…"
"I wouldn't say never.", he said, making her stomach drop, "But certainly not today. I mean… I wouldn't know how to begin. Touching alone is complicated enough. And the room is freezing cold. I would have to move down to between your legs and the blanket isn't big enough and…"
"Sheldon.", she interrupted him and grabbed his shoulders. "Enough. Just… kiss me already. On the lips. Please."
Sheldon
Just kiss me already.
Did Amy not realize what she was doing to him here?
As if kissing was so simple.
He was already feeling all these confusing emotions.
The thing they were doing right now… despite what he had said, it did not just feel logical anymore. And even if he was trying his best to rationalize it… it did not change the fact that he felt so different to what he had expected.
The feeling of her skin underneath his fingers. The way her body was reacting to his touch. The hot wetness between her legs. And her tightness around his finger.
It made his already painfully hard member twitch at the thought of how she would feel, tightly wrapped around his length.
Which was dangerous. Hadn't they specifically ruled out coitus tonight?
As if the turmoil in his mind wasn't enough anymore, now she wanted a kiss too?
But how could he deny her, when her voice was trembling like this.
Was she was confused as he was? And did she maybe need him to kiss her for a reason other than the fact that she liked kissing him? A reason he wasn't able to fully understand?
He swallowed dryly, then moved his left hand – the right one was still very much occupied – to find her face in the darkness that was surrounding them. He traced her cheeks and then ran his fingertips over her lips.
She was breathing shallowly, as he pursed his lips and leaned in.
They lips touched. Only very softly. Pressing against each other for a few moments.
His eyes widened.
This was… good. Oh, so good.
He had enjoyed the kisses they had shared before but… this? It was very different like this.
Why had no one ever told him how good this could feel?
He pulled away and licked his lips, savoring her taste.
"Th… thank you, Sheldon.", she whispered. "For kissing me. I know you did not want…"
He did not feel like getting into a discussion about what he did or did not want. He was not ready for it. Because, as he realized, he would have to admit things. Things he couldn't admit just yet.
So, instead, he just acted.
He cupped her face with his left hand and pressed his lips against hers again.
A surprised gasp escaped her throat, then she tentatively moved her hands to his shoulders again.
And then, her lips parted slightly, sucking in his lower lips and the tingling multiplied all over his body.
Oh, dear Lord… How would he ever be able to categorize all the strange sensations he was feeling?
Maybe the rationalization could wait a little bit. Because right now… as shocking as it was… he really, only wanted to kiss her back.
So, he did.
Their lips moved together hotly. Meeting and retreating in a fascinating rhythm that only left him wanting more.
He was unable to think about the germs or anything else really. Because his mind was blank.
No, not completely blank.
There was Amy. Amy's body. Her moans against his lips. The taste of her mouth. His fingers inside her. He couldn't get enough of it.
"Sh… Sheldon…", she whined between kisses.
What? What now?
"Yes?", he breathed out.
"Please could you… keep doing what you did?"
Oh.
Only now did he realized that he had stopped moving his fingers.
He inhaled deeply, then found her mouth again, as he tried to focus on the task at hand.
Who would have thought physical intimacy required so much multitasking?
Kissing, touching, trying to keep himself in check.
Amy was lucky she was doing this with a genius.
With great difficulty, he held his fingers steady enough so he could continue with his exploration of her.
He pushed his fingers inside her again, and she moaned out his name. Loudly.
That was it. His mind had finally lost its battle against his body.
Something primal took over, shutting off his brain. There were no more thoughts left. Only instincts.
"Amy…", he groaned.
His lips sought out hers again, kissing her desperately. He wanted to devour her. To be one with her.
He couldn't believe how responsive Amy was to him. The intensity with which she kissed him back. The way her hips moved in time with his fingers.
This vixen. This unbelievable, beautiful, breathtaking vixen. She had done it again. Opened his mind to new experiences and somehow awoken something in him. A hunger that had never been there before.
Beads of sweat formed on his forehead. Under different circumstances, he would have found this uncomfortable, but right now… oh God, he was mesmerized. By her sounds and her scent and her passion.
And then, all of a sudden, he felt her small hand encircling his wrist.
"Sheldon… here… let me…", she whispered against his mouth, before she grasped his thumb and moved it slightly.
He stilled his movement inside of her and concentrated on what she wanted from him.
Of course, he knew female anatomy. Theoretically. So, when he felt a small, swollen nub, almost the size of a pearl, he knew exactly what it was.
Tentatively, he moved his thumb over it and was surprised – and a little proud – when Amy released a guttural groan.
"Like this?", he whispered, as he kept moving his thumb up and down.
"Almost.", she moaned. "Just… ah… could you. Oh… c… circles…yes… like this… hoooo boy…"
He grinned, proud of himself. He was good at this.
Well, it was not surprising, he excelled at so many things.
But this… he had never considered this. He had never known he wanted to be good at it.
But now… Now he wanted to learn her. To give her something no one else could.
Amy kept moving her hips against his hand unabashedly.
"Please, Sheldon…", she moaned deeply. "Could you continue… with your… ah… fingers?"
God, it felt amazing, hearing her beg for him. Never in his life had he felt so wanted. And it felt good. Unexpectedly wonderful.
He kissed her sloppily as he tried to adjust his movements. Pushing two fingers into her while using his thumb to make little circles.
She wasn't able to kiss him back anymore. She was trembling all over, her mouth wide open. Shallow breaths mingled with his own while her hips kept rocking with his hand.
Her moans turned into sobs and then, her head dipped back at the same time as he felt her inner walls contract around his fingers, squeezing them almost painfully.
Yes. He had done it. He had succeeded. He, Sheldon Cooper had just brought his girlfriend to climax. He really was a genius. And not just that.
He was a stud.
A thrill went through him, as he imagined, it would be his length instead of his fingers inside of her and how amazing it would feel to have her contract around him like that.
His only regret being that he couldn't see her face in the dark, he crashed his mouth against hers again as she rode out her climax. His heart was hammering against his chest like never before.
Sheldon felt a surge of possessiveness. He and only he could do this to her. Ever. Not Zach. Not Stuart. And no other man that could lay his eyes on her in the future. She was his. Now and forever.
She started to squirm under his fingers, and it took him a second to understand that she was probably too sensitive now.
So, he removed his hand from her, resting it on her hip again, as he kissed her once more.
"God, Sheldon…", she panted between kisses. "Oh God. Thank you. Thank you… oh… thank you."
She sounded as if she was on the verge of tears, and he was confused for a second.
"Are you okay?", he asked. "I did not… hurt you?"
"No…", she said, her voice laced with emotions. "No. The opposite. You… you make me feel… alive and… oh, Sheldon… oh, you have no idea. I have never… I didn't know… I had no idea. I can't believe this is real and that you're here and that you just… did that. It was amazing. You… you are amazing."
Her rambling still did not make a lot of sense to him. Was this what post-orgasmic Amy usually behaved like? Well, he assumed, it was okay this time. Maybe not everything had to make sense.
And he liked that she had just called him amazing.
He grinned. Who would have thought it would feel so good, to be able to satisfy his girlfriend?
It made him want to throw all his inhibitions out of the window.
He placed another sweet kiss on Amy's lips – because apparently, he couldn't stop doing that – then shifted and lay down on top of her, resting between her trembling legs.
"Amy.", he said seriously. "I know we said no to coitus before, but… but…"
The room fell silent.
"Are you saying… you want to reconsider?", she asked in a shaky voice. "Are you sure?"
He wasn't sure. At all. But…
"Well…", he said. "My body… clearly seems to be more than ready."
His erection twitched against her leg as if to prove his point.
"Yeah, but… what about… emotionally?", she clarified. "Because… this is a huge step and…"
"I would argue that what we have done until now was an equally big step."
"Maybe but…", she stopped.
"Amy…", he said and caressed her face, suddenly feeling guilty. "If you don't want it… that's okay."
"No, that's not it.", she said and grasped his hand. "I… want it, Sheldon. So much. The things you just did to me… Oh God… I never thought about it but… I don't want it to happen just because we are aroused and… because it's logical. I want it to happen because we're… because it's out of…"
Out of love.
He knew that's what she wanted to say. He did not know why, but he knew.
His lips trembled.
Maybe it was a bad idea. Maybe he needed more time to catalogue his feelings for her. Those words that carried so much meaning… they couldn't be said in the heat of the moment. But maybe, he could say something else.
"Amy, I… I wish I could tell you how I feel right now.", he murmured, as he wove his fingers into her silky hair. "What's happening tonight… it's crazy. And unexpected. And… beautiful."
A small sob escaped her throat. "I agree."
"I will not talk you into it. This is too important. It cannot happen unless you are ready."
"Sheldon…", she grasped his face with both hands. "Are you saying you actually want this? To have… coitus with me?"
"No.", he said and swallowed deeply. Then kissed her again before she could say anything. It was now or never. "I would like to make love to you. If you let me."
"M… make love?", she croaked. "You want to… make love to me?"
"Yes.", he repeated. "I would like to make love to you. Very much so."
Amy lifted her head again so she could brush her lips against his.
"Okay.", she whispered.
"Okay?", he clarified.
"Yes.", he could feel her nod against his temple. "But first… I want to touch you."
"T... touch me?"
He shivered as he felt her hands on his chest.
She explored his skin, not unlike he had done before. Her hands wandered to his back, then his shoulders, her fingers touching every inch of him. Then she moved to the front again, stroking his body from his clavicles to his hipbones and back.
It was breathtaking. And he did not know how much more he could take.
"You can touch me.", he whispered. "But… not too much. Because I don't think I will last very long as it is."
He shivered again as she reached down between their bodies. He lifted himself up so she could touch his length. She wasn't doing much… just running her fingers over his his, from his scrotum to the tip and back again.
It was strange, being touched there by somebody other than himself.
He didn't even usually enjoy it when he did it. It was part of his routine. A way to relax. To take the pressure off. And when he was done, he didn't think of it until two months later when it popped up on the schedule again.
But this… Oh, dear Lord…
"How does it feel?", Amy asked quietly as she touched him softly.
"Marvelous.", he breathed out.
"Good.", she said. He couldn't see her smile, but he could hear it in her voice.
"I did not expect it to feel like this.", she confessed. "And believe me… I have thought about it. Quite often."
"Hm…", he hummed.
He needed her to keep talking. Her voice… it made everything better. And less scary. "How does it feel to you?"
"Well…", she chuckled. "Hard, obviously."
"Your fault.", he grinned.
He liked this. The fact that things still felt so light between them. That he still… felt safe with her. That he was capable of enjoying this. With her.
"But at the same time…", she continued. "Your skin feels so soft there. Softer than on your chest or your face. Like… satin. It feels… nice."
Nice? Her touch on him felt more than just nice.
She seemed to be done just exploring him, instead she grasped him tightly and moved her hand up and down slowly.
"Does this feel good?", she asked him.
Good? It felt better than good. It felt… there was no word for how it felt.
"Oh…", he breathed out. "Oh, Amy…"
He bent down and captured her lips again.
Well, now it was certain. This was why she had demanded to be kissed before. Kissing her while doing this… it felt… complete. And he was shocked, but he never wanted this to stop.
But it had to.
He encircled her wrist and stopped her from moving her hand.
She seemed to understand. If they wanted to do this… then now was the right time.
Her hands grasped his face again. She seemed to be trembling all over now.
He kissed her deeply, then pressed his forehead against hers.
"Amy…", he whispered. "Do you still… want to do this? Are you sure?"
"I…", she breathed out shallowly against his mouth. "Yes. Yes, I am sure. I… want you to make love to me. Please"
His heart melted at her words.
Make love.
Hearing it felt almost better than saying it earlier.
"What about… protection?", he asked after another sweet kiss, although he could barely contain himself anymore. He needed to feel her. "I don't have any…"
Damn Leonard just had to be right again…
"We're covered.", she assured him. "I've been on birth control for months."
Relief flushed over him. He didn't even wonder why she was on birth control. And if it could have to do anything with their relationship status.
It did not matter right now.
With another deep kiss, he shifted on top of her, so he was supporting himself on one elbow. With his free hand, he guided his erection to her core, gliding through her wetness easily.
Already it felt out of this world. Her heat was… incredible.
"Amy…", he breathed out, trying to hold himself back. "Are you… can I…"
"Yes.", she whispered back. "Yes. Please, Sheldon… oh…"
He pushed into her as slowly as possible. His eyes rolled back in his head. Good Lord did this feel amazing.
He dropped his head, pressing his cheek to hers before he dared to push into her further.
But his blood ran cold as he felt something wet on her face. And her body… she seemed to be shaking underneath him. Oh no… he had tried to be careful. But… was it not enough? Was he hurting her?
He pulled out of her instantly.
She was still shaking.
"Amy, are you alright?", he breathed out. "Why are you crying?"
"I…", she sobbed. "I…"
He had no idea what was going on. Everything had felt alright a few moments ago. What was happening?
He reached to her nightstand and turned on her lamp.
Maybe he should have done that before. It basked the whole room in a warm, orange light, and finally, he could see his girlfriend.
But his heart broke as he saw her face.
Her chest was heaving and there were tears in the corner of her eyes.
"Amy? What's wrong? Did I… hurt you?"
"N… no…", she sobbed. "You did not. Not at all. You're perfect."
"But…"
"I want this, Sheldon.", she insisted. "But… now that it's happening… I'm scared."
"Scared?", he asked. "Of the pain? Or…"
"No.", she shook her head. "Not of what we are about to do but… of what will happen afterwards."
"A… afterwards?", he wondered.
He did not understand. At all.
"This is happening so spontaneously, Sheldon. What if you will regret it tomorrow? I fear that… I'm being selfish. You never wanted to do this. You were always so against it. You did not think it through. What if you will hate me for letting you go through with it? We've finally grown so much closer. What if this will destroy us? What if I will lose you? I… I… Oh God, I feel dizzy."
Sheldon swallowed hard.
This was new. Another new aspect to this newfound intimacy. And he wasn't sure how to deal with it.
Amy was scared. She was panicking. Because of him and his issues.
She had no reason to. Because while he couldn't promise he would not freak out over this at some point, he knew there was no way he would ever blame her or hate her or… leave her. It was ridiculous.
He was about to share his body with her. He wouldn't do that if he saw the possibility of ever leaving her.
But he sensed that it would not help to tell her this. He had to find another way to soothe her.
And suddenly, he thought about the day at the science center.
About the scary situation he had been in. And the way she had guided him.
"Amy, look at me, please.", he whispered.
She opened her eyes, and he was taken aback by the expression in her eyes.
"I'm sorry, I… I'm just… I don't know…", she stuttered.
"Amy.", he said as calmly as possible. "Amy, breathe. Just breathe. I'm here. I'll always be here. I…", he swallowed deeply. "I've got you. Just like you've got me."
She breathed out shallowly and bit her lips.
"Breathe.", he repeated.
She nodded and took a deep breath. And then another one.
And slowly, very slowly, her eyes focused on him again and she smiled at him softly.
"Thank you.", she whispered.
"You're welcome.", he nodded.
"Now… do you want to stop? Because we can."
Amy
Did she want to stop?
Oh no. There was no way she wanted to stop now.
Absolutely not.
Not after she finally had proof of Sheldon's desire for her.
And certainly not for the loving way he had just taken care of her.
'I've got you.'
Those were not the three words she had hoped to hear. But she realized, they were even better. Because they were exactly what she needed to hear.
No matter what would happen. They were in this together. For better or worse.
"You can go on now.", she murmured. "I'm ready."
"Really?", he clarified, and she loved him for it. There he was. Still so aroused by her, evidenced by his hardness pressing against her leg. But still putting her comfort before his pleasure.
She grasped his head and kissed him.
"Really.", she whispered. "Make love to me, Sheldon. For real this time."
He leaned in and pressed a feather light kiss on her lips.
Then, finally, he was there again.
Pressing into her slowly. Staring at her intently. Watching out for any signs of discomfort.
It wasn't exactly comfortable. But she focused on his eyes instead of the slight burning between her legs. And slowly, she felt herself open up for him.
His mouth fell open, as he pushed himself deeper into her.
He felt big, so big inside of her. And despite the somewhat painful stretch, she felt so… complete. So connected to her boyfriend. So… so fulfilled and desired and… maybe even loved?
Tears gathered in her eyes again.
"I'm okay.", she whispered as she saw the worried look on Sheldon's face. "I'm more than just okay, Sheldon."
"Good.", he whispered back.
He pulled out of her about halfway and pushed back in. Just as slowly and gently as he did before. It wasn't as painful anymore. The next push came a bit faster, and already the stretch felt delicious instead of painful.
Slowly, he built up a steady rhythm inside of her, gasping with every thrust. Tentatively, Amy started moving her hips in time with his.
"Oooh…", she moaned. "Oh, Sheldon. More… please."
Sheldon obliged, picking up the pace, and Amy couldn't believe how intense it was starting to feel.
She was mesmerized by his face. So fully focused. So serious. And the emotions in his eyes.
He was staring at her as if he couldn't believe what they were doing. Which she couldn't either.
Here they were. In a cottage in Switzerland. Making love. And it was good. So, so good.
Never in a million years had she expected to be doing this with Sheldon. To feel him inside of her. To see the pleasure on his face.
It felt so unimaginably good. He kept hitting a spot inside of her that she had always thought was a myth.
"Amy…", he moaned. He was thrusting into her fast and hard. She knew he was slowly losing control. And she was loving it. She wanted him to succumb to pleasure. She wanted to be the reason he fell over the edge. She wanted to… oh…
Sheldon took a hold of her right leg, lifting it up and with his next thrust, he was even deeper inside of her.
Was that even possible? The pleasure… It was insane.
"Sheldon…", she breathed out. "Oh, my God, Sheldon… I… I…"
"Yes…", he hissed. "Yes. Let go. Please. Oh, you feel incredible. Oh, my Amy…"
My Amy.
If she hadn't been there before, his words finally did it.
With a sob, she fell apart, digging her fingernails into Sheldon's shoulder blades. Waves and waves of pleasure washed over her as she cried out his name.
He felt him push into her erratically and not a minute later, she felt him collapse on top of her, still rocking his hips against her, riding out the last bit of pleasure.
Still trying to catch her breath, she encircled his torso with both her arms, pressing herself against him.
This was it. She had just given herself to her boyfriend. And he had given himself to her.
It had happened so fast. But that was okay.
She was his now. And he was hers. Her Sheldon. Her boyfriend. Her… her lover.
Amy reached out her hand and caressed Sheldon's short hair. He leaned into her touch before he kissed her cheek.
"I can't believe we did this.", she murmured, as she finally was able to speak again.
He slipped out of her and settled in next to her, pulling her into his arms.
"Me neither.", he breathed out. "But… I want you to know, I enjoyed it. Very much."
"So did I.", she said, nuzzling into his neck. "So, so much."
"Good.", he answered, caressing her hair before pressing a kiss on it.
She sighed contently.
"You were right before.", she said and grinned at him.
"I'm always right.", he remarked. "But what exactly was I right about this time?"
"The hormones flooding my bloodstream.", she pointed out. "I feel… exhausted. And… ready to sleep."
"Of course you do.", he chuckled. "After all, I made you orgasm twice."
He sounded proud of himself. And rightfully so.
"You most certainly did.", she agreed. "And can I just say… Wow…"
"Wow indeed.", he agreed.
A little voice inside her head said that maybe they should talk about this. About the implications it had for their relationship.
Another voice told her, she should get up and use the bathroom. Clean herself up as much as possible without hot water. They would both have to do this at some point.
But not now. Now, she wanted to keep the huge grin on her face and fall asleep basking in the afterglow.
"Sheldon?", she whispered, nonetheless.
"Yes?", he said sleepily.
"Could you try… not to freak out about this in the morning?"
She heard him sigh deeply. It seemed this had crossed his mind as well.
"I'll do my best.", he promised.
So, just a heads up:
I am taking my kids on vacation for a few days starting Monday. We are driving up to the Tyrol alps and we will be spending the week at a little family hotel with an attached farm. We go there as a family every year and it is one of the most relaxing places I know. By the way, last year when we were there, I wrote the first eight chapters of "Balancing Heaven and Earth" with the incredible view of the mountains.
I did not want to go this year without my husband, but my children have been begging. They are so used to it, and they love this place and in the end, I think it's what we all need. This week was so crazy. My husband and I had a big anniversary and he's turning forty in a few days, and it may sound pathetic, but it's just not easy to be apart for all of it. Also, I had to make a major career decision this week, one I had not expected to make for another two years, and while I think it is a good thing, I'm still a bit shaken by it and by all the new responsibilities I will have in a few months.
So, honestly, I cannot say how much I will be writing this week. I am craving to work on the next chapter (it's a very emotional one), but I also feel I need to clear my head and just focus on letting things sink in for a bit. I know you all understand, you always do, still, I wanted to tell you, so you won't be disappointed if maybe there's no update next week.