Blood Moon
Disclaimer: all characters and copyright belong to SM.
Regret
Bella could feel the fear in her chest waiting to take over. Perhaps it was her minds way of protecting her as there wasn't any danger. It sat there like an angry ball, propelling her towards an anxiety she just didn't need right now. She let out a slow controlled breath and attempted to loosen her body movements. Her eyes moved around the room with an alertness activated from her fight or flight response. Her hands clenched by subconscious demand due to the heavy stress.
The rest of the room was knee deep in silence. Old Quil's explanation had shocked everybody. No one knew what to say. Or what to do. Their gazes all rested on Bella, waiting out her reaction.
Jacob's face was torn between several different expressions. Something like a growl – not a real growl, just a human approximation – rumbled in his chest just under Bella's ear.
"Jacob!" Sam warned, finally breaking the tense silence. "Stay calm! You don't want to risk shifting when you're so close to Bella."
Jacob shot him a vicious glare. "I am not you!"
In the background there was a faint gasp from Emily, while Sam flinched slightly, his eyes turning bleak. He bit back a bitter retort, instead striding off to go and comfort Emily.
"That was uncalled for, Jake." Billy remonstrated with him quietly.
Jacob hesitated, then nodded once. "You're right. I'm sorry."
"Its not me you should be apologizing to."
Jacob stood, pulling Bella to her feet. He kept two hands on her waist until he was sure she wasn't to going to fall.
"I'm okay." Bella lied.
Jacob knew she was trying to put on a brave front. He traded his hold on her waist for one of her hands. "Come with me."
He pulled her toward the kitchen, where Sam stood with his back to them, holding Emily in his arms. Her head was resting against him, her stilted sobs muffled by his broad chest.
Looking ashamed, Jacob stopped a few feet away from the grieving couple. "I'm sorry. What I said was out of order." He said huskily. "I shouldn't have said what I said. I was upset and lashed out."
Sam barely spared him a glance. "Do better." He said, before leaning down to press a gentle kiss on top of Emily's bowed head.
On the other side of the room Bella glimpsed Leah. Her face was pinched with stress, her dark eyes fixated on Sam and Emily, who were still huddled together. Bella couldn't even imagine how she was feeling, being forced to watch her former lover comforting the cousin she had once thought of as a sister. It was worse than any romantic movie. She could sympathize with the other girl's pain.
"I need some air." Leah muttered. Then she turned and sprinted out of the house, shoving Paul out of her way as she did so.
"Hey, watch it!" He complained loudly.
Bella moved away from Jacob just enough so that she had a good view of the window. She observed Leah running toward the bordering forest, flitting into the trees, swift and sleek as a deer. Then she was gone.
Glancing back in Sam's direction, Bella found that he, too, was staring in the direction of the window, his attention wavering from his imprint as soon as Leah fled the house.
Bella felt Jacob's arms tighten around her protectively. She snuggled in, feeling his arms squeeze a fraction tighter, and Bella breathed more slowly, her body melting into his as every muscle lost its tension in the warmth emanating from his skin. This was life, real life.
She tried to drown out the voice of doom in the back of her mind, which sounded remarkably like Edward's, ignoring its drip-feeding doubts, reminding her that Jacob didn't belong to her, that his imprint was out there somewhere, waiting in the wings to claim him.
"You're mine. Don't ever forget that. I'm right here. Waiting."
"I'm not listening to you." Bella thought frantically in her head, squeezing her eyes tight shut against the whispered words.
She already had enough to deal with, without these hallucinatory mind games that the venom had inflicted on her. Victoria was still out there hunting her. It was just luck that she hadn't found her yet – just luck and the vigilance of a pack of teenage werewolves. And there was the mystery about the strange vampire who had invaded her house, stealing her clothes for some sinister purpose as yet unknown.
It was terrifying. No matter what Jacob said, the thought of him or any of the others coming anywhere close to Victoria was horrifying. She could see Victoria in her head, her face wild, her hair like flames, deadly, indestructible…
And just behind was Edward, his face mirroring Victoria's, looking every inch the avenging angel…
Bella felt like she was about to throw up. "I think I need – need some water." She stuttered, pulling out of Jacob's tight embrace.
"Wait here. I'll get you some." Jacob offered as he looked at her pale face in concern.
Bella hugged her arms around her body as her head spun sickeningly. It was finally hitting her now, the full portent of Old Quil's words. Seconds after Jacob left to go and fetch the water, she was hyperventilating.
Attuned to her distress, Jacob quickly returned, the glass of water clutched in his hand. "Here you go, honey."
Bella took the glass from him with trembling fingers. Some of the clear liquid sloshed over the sides as she raised it to her mouth and chugged it down. She choked, coughing violently, her free hand pressing against her chest.
"Slow down, Bells. Just sip it." Jacob encouraged her.
Bella did as he bid her. She raised the glass to her lips again, taking smaller sips this time until the glass was completely empty.
Bringing a chair over, Jacob urged Bella to sit down. She sank into it gratefully, feeling too unsteady on her legs to remain upright. Jacob drew up another chair beside hers and put his arm around her shoulders.
"I know this has all been a shock." He said in a low voice.
"Yes." Bella whispered faintly. "I can't believe it." She hung her head, gulping as she tried to stem the tide of her tears. "This is the most…. horrible, the most terrifying thing I've ever been through – worse than anything I could have imagined. To think of the real reason why I could hear Edward's voice so clearly in my head all this time sickens me. To think I actually enjoyed the delusion. My god, what sort of freak does that make me?"
Jacob looked at her sternly. "You can stop that train of thought right now, Bella. None of this is on you. You're not the freak – he is – just like all of his kind."
Bella frowned to herself. She was thinking of Esme. Is this what had happened to her?
After becoming pregnant, Esme had escaped her violent marriage, relocating to Milwaukee to live with her cousin. Carlisle was working in the area at the time. Recognizing her as the happy, beautiful young girl that he treated 10 years earlier for a broken leg, they became reacquainted and Esme was soon under the handsome young doctor's spell. However, after losing her baby to lung fever, in despair Esme attempted suicide, but her attempt was unsuccessful. Later, Carlisle transformed her into a vampire on her deathbed. Surprisingly Esme was not upset with his act, and she easily accepted her new life. They soon fell in love and got married and had been happy ever since. Or that was the crux of what Edward had told her.
Now with her newfound knowledge, Bella was beginning to question this fairytale romance. Going over the sparse details again, looking at it from a more critical angle, it could be perceived as Carlisle grooming Esme from a young age. She had been sixteen when they first met when she fell out of a tree and broke her leg. Carlisle had treated her as the local doctor was out of town. Of course, at 16 Esme was still too young to be turned. But what if…what if Carlisle had done to Esme what Old Quil inferred that Edward had done to her? They were both of a similar age.
In his bid to create the perfect family, had Carlisle infected an enamored Esme with just enough venom at sixteen to slowly drip-feed her into compliance?
From the perspective of an outsider looking in, Esme made the perfect wife – beautiful, compassionate, and loving – she doted on Carlisle and their adopted children. Unlike the others she remained at home, acting as the perfect homemaker, always there, ready with a warm smile and loving arms to greet her weary husband from a long day saving lives.
As for Edward, he considered Carlisle the best father anyone could ever have because of his kindness and generosity. He had also given Edward the love that he never received from his real father, who was physically and emotionally distant compared to Carlisle. He always did his best to live up to Carlisle's expectations, even though he knew that he wouldn't be blamed for making a mistake. It was only logical that he would try and follow in the footsteps of a man he admired so much, yearning for the same type of devotion and adoration that Esme showered on Carlisle. In his eyes they had the perfect marriage. So, it made complete sense that he would want that too.
Enter from stage left: stupid, naïve, passive, little Bella Swan. A wallflower with low self-esteem. Throw in her intoxicating scent and a strong attraction to her blood, then hey presto, she was the perfect match, or the perfect victim.
"Bella, its going to be okay." Jacob took her hand and squeezed it, breaking her out of the maelstrom of her thoughts. "You're not alone. We'll get through this together."
Bella wanted to throw herself back into his strong, warm arms and stay rooted there forever. But with the others reconvening again to continue the meeting, she had no choice but to steady her nerves and face their questions. She knew they had many, just by curious the looks on their faces. They were probably wondering, just like she was herself, how she could be so oblivious to the whole thing. She hoped that Old Quil would have answers for that too. She sure didn't have any.
Surprisingly it was Paul Lahote who spoke up first. He approached Jacob and Bella cautiously, an uncomfortable expression on his face. "I just want to say – "He began.
"Not now, Paul." Jacob cut in irritably. "We're sick of your jibes."
A shudder rippled down Paul's back at Jacob's antagonistic tone. "Will you just let me finish?" He demanded hotly.
"Paul! Relax!" Sam commanded.
Paul shook his head back and forth, not in defiance, but as though he were trying to concentrate.
"Jeez, Paul." Embry muttered. "Get a grip."
Paul twisted his head toward Embry, his lips curling back in irritation. Then he shifted his glare in Bella's direction, trying to accommodate his features into a more pleasant expression. Jacob stood up, his expression dour, he placed himself in front of Bella, shielding her from Paul's view.
"For fucks sake, Jacob!" Paul scowled. "Back off with the protector bullshit. I am just trying to apologize to the girl."
Jacob stilled, his eyebrows rising almost to his hairline in shock. An apology was something he had not expected. He glanced behind him at Bella. She appeared as mystified as he did. Stepping aside, Jacob waved Paul forward.
"This should be good."
"Right." Paul grimaced, clearly struggling to find the right words. He didn't often admit to being wrong, which made it all the more difficult for him. "I'm sorry, Swan." He said bluntly. "I made a mistake. If I had known what that – that sicko of a leech was doing to you, well I would never have acted the way I did. There. I said it."
Bella was too taken aback to do anything but nod her head. This seemed enough to satisfy Paul, though, as he nodded his head in return, quickly retreating to stand beside Sam.
A/N-thanks for reading!