Chapter 1: Seven! Seven! Seven Come to Heaven

When the door to his hotel room closed, Chandler waited for all of a beat before ripping the condom out of the packaging and rolling it on. Joey could be as dull as dishwater, but Chandler had to concede that his seemingly inexplicable request to keep a condom apparently just for himself wouldn't even pass his roommate's bullshit detector. Because seriously, what grown man would ever find it necessary to roll a condom onto his junk for the purposes of self-stimulatory masturbation? Heck, most men didn't even like to stick a condom on when they had a partner to lubricate their junk with! Only the specter of an untimely parenthood compelled most men to do so.

Next to him, he felt the coverlet being lifted to reveal his concealed partner. Monica's face was flushed with relief, and he grinned back before leaning over her to kiss her deeply on the lips.

He felt her gasp into his mouth this time, before going back to the pleasured moaning that had been torn from her throat while they were making out. He felt his cock give a violent jerk of a throb, stiff as a board and aching with need. He clambered on top of her, and was shocked by how quickly and eagerly his best friend spread her legs for him.

He was nervous to prove himself, most of all to her. After all the insecurities and self-deprecation he had divulged to her about his track record in bed, he felt…. well, touched (he inwardly snickered at the double entendre) that she was even willing to let him touch her at all.

As for Monica, she was shaking beneath him. Her eyes were dark with lust, and though she felt some fear, it was not fear of him or what they were about to do. The consequences of doing the dirty deed and what the ramifications of it could be hardly entered her mind, she was so buzzed.

She watched Chandler carefully as he hovered over her, before he lowered his face down to hers and smothered her lips in a kiss that made her spine tingle and her toes curl.

The moment their lips met, the little piece of Monica's mind that wasn't rapidly turning to mush flashed back to them in her apartment with Rachel several months earlier, after an adorably despondent Chandler had come to her in need of a sounding board/informal sexual therapist.

Everyone knows the basic erogenous zones…. You could start out with a little 1….

The memory was so strong and vivid that Monica hardly noticed how Chandler's lips had now left hers and were starting to move. She briefly whined at the loss of contact, only for it to turn into a sharp and breathy whimper as his lips began to slather the pulse point at the soft curve of her neck.

A 2…..

She arched her neck for him, exposing the creamy surface to his worship, now positively slack-jawed. Whoa…. Where had he learned to….?

The important thing is you want to take your time….. you want to hit 'em all… That had been her advice to him. At present, Chandler could be taking it a little slower, but what was leaving her in awe of him was just how downright deft he was being, shifting from one zone to the other with a practiced ease she wouldn't have imagined of him.

Chandler's lips now pecked hers, briefly turned back to her neck, before working their way up to gnaw at her ear, and oh….. oh my…

A 1, 2, 3…..

Now Chandler licked her ear, and Monica nearly let out a shriek. Again, a 3…..

The man started to shift his body down and for a moment, she briefly panicked, thinking he was going for where she had explicitly told him not to go, too soon, too fast. But then his face shifted at the last moment and the feel of saliva along her skin, right on her hipbone made the flesh there burn. Monica had to smirk, in spite of herself.

A 5….

Her nipples were pebbled and straining, begging to be attended to. As if reading her thoughts, Chandler wriggled back up, took one of her breasts into his mouth and began to suckle, causing Monica to squirm beneath him.

And you wanna mix them up, you wanna keep them on their toes…..

Well, the man certainly was doing that, and Monica now pushed her boobs pleadingly into his face.

A 4…..

Chandler finally emerged from the valley of her breasts and returned to pepper her ear and then her neck, executing his earlier attentions perfectly in reverse. By now Monica's breath was coming in rough gasps.

A 3, 2….

There was a clear method to his madness, almost a choreography to how he was fellating her. A pattern dance.

Switch back to the neck, and now nurse at her other nipple.

A 2, 4….. Chandler snuck in a quick kiss to the inside of her thigh, and Monica choked. – 6…

He performed this most recent pattern again, like he was following an instruction manual where the building diagram tells you to perform the same function twice. Neck, plant his face in her breasts, then back to teasing her thigh.

2, 4, 6…..

By now, Monica felt hot all over, and certainly not the least bit bothered. She was breathless with anticipation, wondering just what her best friend had up his sleeve next.

More boob action, before blazing a trail by way of her sternum back to ravishing her neck. At one point, Chandler paused in the neck licking, looking as though he was going to hit somewhere else only to reverse course and resume.

4….. 2….. 2…..

By now, she was writhing on the bed. And the bastard hadn't even, had yet to hit –

Chandler suddenly launched down from her boobs and Monica's eyes shot open with wonder as she suddenly realized: Chandler's mouth was on her…. her….

4, 7!

Chandler almost danced back over to her hip, then plunged his mouth back into her slit, directly between her quivering legs.

5, 7!

A little more thigh action before reverting back to the main course.

6, 7!

And then at last, at long last, Chandler arrived for Disneyland and stayed for the Matterhorn, licking and slurping along her pussy.

7! 7! 7, 7, 7, 7, 7, 7, 7!

Her ears were ringing, and it took Monica a moment to register that this was because she was shouting the number out loud, practically for the hotel to hear. She was downright thrashing upon the bedspread, crying out for mercy. Shrieking in ecstasy.

In that instant, that final one before the world exploded and she was flung off the proverbial precipice, it dawned on her:

The…. the son-of-a-bitch had actually learned what she had taught him! He had been listening! The realization made her nearly scream with glee. Even more impressively, through a combination of skill and guesswork, Chandler had actually learned a pattern to the erogenous zones and which zone was which. Monica had never expressly told him which zone she was referring to with which number. She was quite proud of him, really, bursting with pride for him, because aside from 7 being fairly obvious, Chandler hadn't had the clearest view of her drawing, and the little of it he had seen, he had been reading it upside down.

One more slurp of her womanhood from Chandler, and she was tumbling over the edge, letting out a happy scream.

She came. Hard.

… 7…

Words then failed her. She floated down from her high as if on a cloud. Monica was dazed, almost like she was coming up from the bottom of a dream. She felt dizzy, giddy and lightheaded.

As she drew Chandler close, her naked form slick with sweat even as she pressed him to her chest, a moment from one of her favorite Mel Brooks movies came over her, one that heralded a delirious epiphany about the ways of the world. A world that Monica now saw with fresh eyes.

Because she was seeing Chandler, her best friend and now her partner, with fresh eyes.

Ahhhh, sweet mystery of life, at last I've found you! Ahhh, I know at last the secret of it all!...

Victory – it had never tasted so sweet. Frankly, sex had never felt this damn good either. Monica nearly burst with pride for him, for the student had surpassed the teacher.

To her ever-pleasant amazement, Chandler Bing had become, without a doubt, the best motherfucking sex she had ever had!