The mission went sideways. Leia had risen to the challenge, directing the ground troops to go on the defensive in a moment of utter chaos.
She analyzed, strategized, ordered, and answered questions for hours while they were bombarded by blaster and cannon fire on three sides.
They found and hid in a concealed cave that was bound to be discovered by the Imps imminently. Leia opted for action over luck and dispatched scouts to search for another way out. The decision saved them - a scout found a small ancient lava tube that led away from the main cavern, just as the stormtroopers attempted to breach the main entrance to the cave they had just found.
Leia ordered the evacuation through the lava tube and they skirted the stormtroopers. They could feel the vibrations of the AT-AVs stomping the hills above them, TIE fighter screaming around in wide arcs, and Imperial troops searching the cave so close by they had literally held their breaths at times to avoid being discovered. They were an outnumbered and outgunned band of two dozen Rebels who relied on smarts and stealth to painstakingly inch their way towards safety. Each of them eagerly following the calm orders of the intrepid Princess and counting on her cool wits to save them all. And she did - without a single casualty.
Han rarely acknowledged his admiration for Leia out loud – that was not how they operated – but she was hell on wheels on the ground with the troops. When he watched her in action, he'd have never known she grew up the princess of a wealthy core planet. She could lead! The most natural leader he had ever met, besides himself.
When they finally exited the lava shoot a few clicks from where the Imps searched, they hotfooted it to their transport shuttle, only to once again come under fire by a small patrol of stormtroopers. Chaos returned as they fiercely battled their way up the ramp of their transport, losing a newly enlisted rebel to an uncharacteristically good shot from a stormtrooper in the cacophony of the firefight. Five others, including Chewie, suffered minor blaster burns. Han's ears rang from the constant screech of blaster fire and shouts as he sprinted to the cockpit with a wounded Wookiee to get them off the ground and out of danger.
As the transport shuttle took off, Leia made a lap around the ship to console and check on her team. Eventually she joined Han and Chewie in the cockpit, collapsing heavily into the navigator chair with a ragged and relieved exhale.
Han did a double-take as he glanced back with a smile after they had hit hyperspace, ready with a quip about surviving another close call, thanks to him. He swallowed the line when he observed with alarm that Leia was rocking herself with white-knuckled hands pressed tightly over her ears and her knees tucked under her chin.
"Leia, you hit?"
Leia shrunk into herself further but shook her head.
"What can I do?" He questioned softly, kneeling slowly beside her to reduce his threatening size.
"Overstimulated. Give me a minute."
Alarm klaxons started blaring while Chewie howled, reluctantly drawing Han's attention to the dashboard controls. Leia swore loudly and growled in frustration. Han frowned, feeling bad that she didn't even get a single moment to have a meltdown as the scream of an alarm and smoke rising rapidly from the navigation computer next to her meant she had no choice but to help.
Han tossed Leia a tool to open the casing of the computer and she quickly pulled off the overheated cover, burning her index finger in the process. When the burnt fuse was replaced, a skill she had insisted Chewie teach her months prior, she settled back heavily in her chair and scrubbed her face in exhaustion.
Gently patting her shoulder on his way out of the cockpit to attend to his injury, Chewie warbled at her with concern.
"I'm fine, Chewie. But thank you." Chewie nodded solemnly before lumbering out.
The entire day, Leia must have answered hundreds of questions and given just as many orders, made thousands of decisions in the process of saving all but one of them. He had been around so much noise and people his whole life, it hadn't really occurred to him that someone could get so overstimulated from it, they'd rock themselves in comfort.
We have no time for sorrows. He recalled her saying something like that after Alderaan was destroyed and the Alliance was preparing for what would become The Battle of Yavin. He understood then that she had survived and continued to function by compartmentalizing.
He thought back to a few more instances where Leia had escaped to her cabin after a difficult mission or a social gathering on base, looking drained and pale. Maybe this is what trust looks like, Han mused. Awareness dawned that she felt safe enough to let that mask slip a bit in front of them.
The Princess had always been so strong and unwavering, so in command of her outward appearance. At first he assumed she was unbreakable and never showed weakness because she had none. After a few months of knowing her, he figured that Leia's ability to disguise her feelings was a coping mechanism.
It was probably why he had tried so hard to get any sort of rise out of her with teasing, innuendo, and competitive trash-talking. Maybe it was to give her an outlet to blow off some steam pent up from constantly keeping herself under such tight control. And maybe, definitely because it was fun. He'd never met a more evenly matched partner in the battle of wits they'd been engaged in for the past two or so years.
They both left a lot unsaid - it defined their relationship (such as it was) in many ways - feelings of friendship, trust, and loyalty were conveyed in action and not in words. That friendship had blossomed slowly from friendly rivals to the most important human in his life, but that was also not something he had told her and was barely ready to dig into himself.
Han cleared his throat, weighing the best approach to coax her into breaking new ground with him and making herself vulnerable. After a breath he gambled he could combine the reliable art of distraction with a new tact for Leia - gentle prodding instead of blunt force insistence.
"You never let on before," Han gently nudged, examining her burnt finger. He drew the injured finger to his lips, pausing to meet Leia's eyes for consent. She nodded, mirth playing on the edges of her eyes at his silly gesture, before he gently kissed it better. Han was pleased to see the kiss drew a shy smile that replaced the wild fight or flight look that had haunted her eyes and hunched her shoulders since they were first cornered. Although he doubted anyone else but maybe Chewie woulda known Leia well enough to see it.
"My hands are filthy," she insisted, as he continued to examine the other minor scratches on her hands from scrambling through the lava tunnels.
"A little dirt never scared me away, Sweetheart. How come you never told me about getting overloaded before?"
He didn't want to push her too far so he tenderly returned Leia's hand to her lap and sat back on his haunches, waiting for her reply.
"I usually have overstimulation meltdowns privately. You can't have troops scared of asking a for orders and clarifications - it would be deadly. I didn't end up rocking myself in the fetal position this time…so..." Leia's head was tucked back into her knees as she let the sentence dangle unspoken.
"What's it like for you?"
"Han, I'm ok now."
"Princess, I can't help you if I don't got an idea of what to look for. Tell me."
Leia took a breath as if she were going to protest, but instead blurted out in a voice choked with anguish, "It's like I can hear and feel everyone around me screaming their emotions and thoughts at me. Every noise crawls all over my skin and it's suffocating me."
"Triggers?"
"Decision fatigue and loud noises together. It takes a lot to get me over the edge."
Han nodded, "I grew up on the streets in Coronet City and they were noisy and dirty - noise doesn't bother me, it was normal, ya know? But you know that moment of quiet that interrupts the noise suddenly? Like something bad's about to happen?"
Leia waited for him to continue.
"When I was a kid, that sudden silence usually meant something bad was going to go down. Police raids, stray animal attacks, bad people." He looked at her until she met his gaze. He swallowed, set his mouth into a hard line before bitterly spitting out, "It meant…violence."
"We've been through the ringer, haven't we?" She never coddled him, and he appreciated it. But she did acknowledge his difficult childhood with an empathetic frown and a soft gaze.
"S'fine. We are survivors. It's what we got in common. That and our suffering in silence."
Leia chuffed out a breathy laugh. "I think of us as two stoics in an emotional galaxy."
Despite himself and the seriousness of the moment, his head tilted back and he barked out a deeply amused laugh.
"Sweetheart, you'n me are two emotional people in a stoic galaxy!"
"Yes, but we don't talk about it," she insisted with a chuckle of her own.
A serious look crossed Han's face. "Maybe we should talk more."
Leia reached out to squeeze Han's arm, almost comically going silent just as they had started talking about talking.
Han stood as loud pops from his knees rang out after squatting too long and rotated his pilot's chair to face Leia's before taking his seat.
Sensing the worst of her meltdown was over as her breathing had evened out and her hunched shoulders relaxed, he tried to lighten the heaviness that hung in the cockpit.
"You said you like to have your meltdowns in private. What else do you get to alone?" he teased, grinning playfully.
The cheeky question drew her gaze.
"You are ruining this special bonding moment we are having," she deadpanned, humor dancing around her eyes.
"No I ain't. We've shared our deepest darkest secrets with each other. So you can tell me things you don't tell anyone else. Like what you do alone when you're not meltin' down."
"Han?" she raised her head until he met her eyes.
"Hmm?"
"Shut up," she quipped before she rested her chin on her knee, biting back a smile.
He laughed before his face grew serious. Leaning forward again, Han gently rested his hand on her knee.
"Leia?" He paused until she met his eyes again.
"You don't gotta get through this alone, ok? You still got people. Maybe we're mostly criminals and do-gooders with blasters and conviction, but we got your back."
"I consider myself in good company as a fellow criminal. Most wanted woman in the galaxy, in fact. I believe my bounty is double yours, even, Captain."
"Ida put you in the armed dogooder category myself, being a princess and all." Han teased.
"We did just pull off a heist of an Imperial weapons depot. So which one are you? A criminal or a do-gooder?" Leia questioned.
"Do-gooder, obviously!" Han answered with mock exasperation. He leaned back into his seat, casually threading his hands behind his head while he exaggerated an eye roll at the ceiling.
"It's a pity, you know?"
When Leia reached across his chair to gently tuck his scruffy hair behind an ear, he had to forcefully keep his mouth from popping open in shock at her tenderness.
"What is?" he rumbled softly.
"When I was 16 my mom told me it would do me good to spend time with a scoundrel."
"Did I say I was a do-gooder, because that was a damn lie. I got a record a parsec long, Princess. Some might even call me dangerous!"
Leia let out a delighted peel of laughter. "No, I'm afraid you can't take it back. You are working for the Rebel Alliance now. You are most certainly an armed do-gooder with conviction."
Before Han could issue a sarcastic retort, the alarm signaling their exit from hyperspace sounded.
He stood up and switched the alarm off before sitting down once more. Han cupped Leia's cheek and gently stroked her face with his thumb, savoring this rare moment of shared comfort and intimacy, knowing both of them had a hard time being so vulnerable.
"Good?"
"Yes, good. I'm going to check on the troops." Leia grasped the hand still cupping her face, and brought it down to rest in hers. She smiled wanly as she gave a final squeeze. Eyes closed briefly on a calming inhale, she composed her face and squared her shoulders. Once again the in-command leader. Without a backwards glance, Leia left the cockpit as he turned his attention to calculating their next jump back to base.
Han sighed, seeing once again the totality of Leia's sacrifice and her absolute, unwavering dedication to this Rebellion. He wasn't sure if she had mental and emotional space for someone like him in her life - someone she could fall apart in front of and lean on whenever she needed support. Who she'd let touch her in comfort. He even doubted they would ever speak of this monumental shift in their relationship again. A relationship he had no clue how to define anymore. But he was getting pretty damn sure he'd follow her to the end of this war to find out.