Two... That was the number of hockey games that Clary had been "asked to leave." Because sometimes she was considered "too passionate." Admittedly though, she had gotten a little too colorful with her trash talk. Clary assured herself that her enthusiasm wasn't suspicious because she was a fan of the sport not just Jace... That aside, it was the Finals, Jace was about to be a back-to-back champion and she would not be missing any of it.
Clary, along with Isabelle, and Alec, all arrived early with Jace. Players from both teams headed through the building lobby to prepare for their warmup. The facility was unlike the small one that her and Jace had snuck off to in New Jersey. It was three times the size with high ceilings, huge hanging flat-screens, multiple concession stands, abundant seating. Spectators were already showing up for the big game.
The group parked themselves at a standing table and Jace shrugged out of his letterman jacket. He slipped it on Clary, over her fitted navy sweater. "Hold on to this for me." He prompted.
Clary made a show of rolling her eyes. "If I must." She lamented with a smile. Jace grinned back and leaned down, leaving a kiss on her cheek. He could do that a million more times and still, she would blush. Jace then, turned and easily pressed a kiss to Isabelle's cheek, as well. Stepping around her, he leaned into Alec, intent on doing the same but was met with a face-palm. Fighting a smirk, Alec shook his head and shoved away his friend who was already laughing. Jace waved off and jogged over the group of teammates gathered outside the locker room.
Alec went over to the concessions, while Clary and Isabelle watched a loud group of girls walk in. All in tight leggings and cropped tops, despite the winter weather. "Twenty bucks, Jace hooks-up with one of them tonight." Isabelle conversed, wryly. "Jace loves a puck-slut."
Clary chewed her lip, trying to stamp down the jealousy that flamed in her chest at the thought. The group of girls, somehow all pretty faced and hot bods, walked by the group of players. They giggled and waved as the boys elbowed each other in appreciation.
"Ooh. I'm gonna help Alec carry the drinks!" Isabelle piped before dashing off.
Clary drummed her fingers on the table patiently. Discreetly, she inhaled Jace's scent of his jacket collar.
"Clary Morgenstern." A voice drawled from the side.
She turned to see a tall, blonde boy she recognized. "Nate Gray." She groused in return. All her defenses suddenly flew up, prepared to ward off the asshole. "Football and now Hockey. Do you share all Jace's interests? Living in his shadow sounds like a full-time job."
Nate was dressed in warm up sweats, carrying a duffle of hockey gear. Clary wasn't surprised to see him there. Their schools were top rivals and had made it to the finals to face off. Nate put on a charming smile and approached her. "First off, Jace has the same interests as me. I'm the reason he even got into sports."
Clary rolled her eyes to the high heavens. Someone who could take responsibility for another's whole lifetime of success was the epitome of a narcissist. "Yes, yes, this pissing contest goes back to the sandbox. I've heard." She droned.
He was still smiling, all friendly and suspicious. "I see we've both been inquiring about each other since our last meeting then." Clary made a puzzled face. That's not what she would have called it. "That being said, I can see why my sister can't stand you." He continued. Clary waited for the insult. "You're all confidence where she's all insecure and a hundred percent bitch." He complimented her, much to her surprise.
Clary hummed in agreement, narrowing her skeptical gaze on him. "Well, where one apple falls the other is surely nearby..."
Nate had the decency to look ashamed. "That's why I came over here, actually. To apologize. I want you to know that day was extremely out of character for me. I would never disrespect a woman like that." He insisted.
"Yeah, somehow I doubt that." Clary inserted with a bemused smile.
"That's fair." Nate sighed, like a reluctant victim. "But I'm honestly sorry if you were hurt. I was going through a rough time and struggling to manage my anger. I didn't mean for it to lash out at you."
Clary was not swayed. "I get it. Roid-rage is no joke. Unlike your tiny shrunken penis, I'm sure." She retorted, content with poking this bear.
Nate threw his head back in a chuckle. "You're funny." He grinned, and then his face softened, and he drew his hand up to brush her loose curls. "And so damn beautiful." His voice was light and wistful, he watched her thoughtfully. "I see why Jace likes you."
Clary smacked away his hand and frowned. "Jace is my stepbrother." Her robotic response.
Nate smirked, "Yeah, but he has the same taste as me, remember?"
"Does that mean you're attracted to Tatiana, too? Gross dude. That's your real sister." Clary prodded the same wound that she knew Jace would, testing Nate's façade.
Nate paused, tension creasing around his eyes before it disappeared. He scoffed, "Like I said, my sister's a bitch. I don't care who she fucks. That's her business. It's our unfinished business that I'm worried about. I want to make up for my actions. Show you the real me. Let me take you to dinner."
"Nothing in this world sounds more unappealing." Clary stated mildly.
Nate tsked, hopefully, as he realized his play was up. "Well, I do know how to take no for an answer." He resided and reached for her hand. Clary watched him tentatively as he brought her hand to his lips and kissed the back of it, lingering there. Then, she noticed his eyes flick behind her.
Clary peered over her shoulder in the same direction and saw Jace by the locker room door. He stood there, seemingly paying no attention to them as he talked to a coach. The white knuckled fist at his side was the only indicator of his brewing rage. When she turned her head back, Nate had closed the distance between them. Still gripping her hand in his, now too tightly, he breathed down on her. Clary froze, startled for a moment in fear. "Unless you change your mind..." He uttered.
A cold voice broke him off. "Gray. I suggest you back the fuck up right now or your first hit of the night will be in this lobby." Alec threatened.
Nate backed away the same time that Clary ripped her hand away from him. She looked at Alec as he stared down Nate. His expression was livid and murderous in a way that Clary had never seen him before. Snickering, Nate walked backward toward his team's locker room. "Call me." He tossed out with a wink.
Before Clary could retort, Isabelle was beside her. "Get fucked!" Her friend bellowed.
Alec came up beside her, placing fries and drinks on the table. He looked calm once more. "Thanks." She murmured, feeling embarrassed. It's not like she thought Alec hated her, but it's not like they had ever been particularly close friends. His sudden protectiveness reflected Jace's and surprised her.
"We should have kicked his scrawny ass." Isabelle pouted, clearly unsatisfied.
"We?" Alec snorted.
"Yes, we!" Isabelle scoffed indignantly, holding up her stiletto manicure. As Isabelle clawed at the open air, demonstrating her cat-woman like fighting techniques, Clary looked back over her shoulder to see if Jace was still there, but he had disappeared.
Shaking off the tense encounter, Clary grabbed the food and drinks off the table and passed them out to her friends. "Forget about him. Jace will put him in place on the ice. Let's get our seats."
The game was close by the third period, but St. Xavior was in the lead. The student section cheers echoed through the whole rink. Whistles and chants for every good play. Upheaval for every lame call. Clary and her friends beamed with excitement from the sidelines. Jace spied her from the bench, sweat dripping down his temple from underneath his helmet.
The tension on the ice had been thick the whole game. Their school's rivalry carrying a loaded weight. More so than ever, for Jace and Nate. Jace had made it abundantly clear through the years that he didn't have time to play chicken with Nate. That the fucker's ego was a spec on his radar. And he proved it on the game floor whenever the opportunity was presented. Because of that, more than winning, Nate wanted to get a rise out of him. To prove that he wasn't worthless... And for the first time Jace had a weak spot, and Nate knew it.
"Your stepsister is a sweet little thing, huh? I like them feisty."
Nate relentlessly ran his mouth the whole game. Jace had seen his rival talking to her before the match. His slimy presence bared down on her. Jace reluctantly fought to keep his composure and had breathed a sigh of relief when Alec had angrily stepped in.
"Bet she's a screamer, too. Or maybe I'll pop that virgin cherry? Guess I'll be finding out tomorrow on our date."
Every minute out on that ice, the other boy stayed close by and continued to harass him. Verbally lashing at Jace's concentration. From Nate this was nothing new and Jace was not a weak-minded person. Usually, the aggressive ranting did little to deter or distract him. However, Clary was never a topic Jace could easily block out. Despite knowing everything that came out of Nate's mouth was bullshit, he found Nate's relentlessness stoking a rage-fire in his chest.
"You don't mind, right? Only fair. You fucked my sister. I fuck yours. That's just good sportsmanship."
The boy suddenly parted, skating toward Sebastian who ushered the puck toward the other team's goal. Nate shouldered up to Sebastian, making a play for the puck. Jace stayed right up on them before harshly body-checking Nate into the boards.
"How's that for sportsmanship?" Jace grunted, gritting his teeth.
Nate straightened, wiping the grimace from his face. "It's okay, Clary will kiss me all better after we win this game." He grinned assuredly.
"In your damn dreams." Jace laughed at the comical suggestion.
Despite his own coach's furious reprimand, Nate persisted, shouting as Jace skated back to his team's bench. "Oh, that parking lot incident is water under the bridge. She said she likes it rough, anyway!"
Jace shook his head, gnashing his teeth. Nate was shooting in the dark and yet hitting too close to home for his liking. He tossed a glance at Clary who frowned furiously behind the glass. God, he hoped she couldn't hear the belligerent threats.
Jace waited keenly on the edge of his seat, as seconds ticked off the clock, waiting to be back on the ice. A motion from his Coach and he was up on his skates. Stick in hand, he launched himself onto the ice, skating fast, moving with the puck. Nate was beside him within minutes, hissing in his ear.
"Want to know my game plan, Jacey? I don't want to just use your girl. I want to break her. And there won't be a damn thing you can do about it... Maybe I'll even get lucky. And she'll kill herself like your pathetic mom."
Jace's wrist stuttered, and Nate used the opportunity to swipe the puck, quickly circling and heading for the other end of the rink. There was a ringing in Jace's ear, deafening his senses, one by one...
"Booooo!" Clary bellowed as Nate stole the puck. She watched Jace falter, lingering in his spot for an abnormal moment. When Jace recovered and whipped a quick one-eighty, she hollered in encouragement. He skated with blazing speed for Nate. Clary's heart pounded with excitement, her voice already feeling raw. Jace would keep Nate from scoring, she knew it! She watched as Jace sped across the ice undeterred. Then, instead of swiping the puck, he raised his hockey stick above his head.
Time seemed to slow and fade into background noise as Clary gasped in horror, along with the crowd, as Jace forcefully brought his hockey stick down across Nate's back. The other boy fell straight to the ice under the weight of the blow and Jace's hockey stick splintered into two. Within moments, one of Nate's teammates yanked Jace by the collar. His helmet went tumbling across the white ice, and then the other player slammed his big fist right across Jace's cheek. Time returned... along with a cacophony of raging voices. Clary and her friends slammed on the glass boards, screaming with fury, as all hell broke loose on the ice.
Officials pulled players off each other one by one. Two of them holding Jace by the arms, he fought against them, shaking them off, while the head coach screamed in his face and pointed to the locker room exit. Jace exited the ice without argument and Clary dashed off the bleachers in the same moment.
She elbowed past the crowd of individuals, Alec and Isabelle shouting after her as they followed. The group burst out into the lobby, Clary heading straight for the locker rooms. A startled employee noticed their intent path and held up his hands in caution. Clary pulled to a halt.
"Hey, only players and staff allowed in the locker room... And, uh, only boys too." The employee said, eyeing them wearily, before heading off to check out the commotion.
Clary watched the employee walk away as Isabelle sighed. "Alec, go in there and check— Clary!" Isabelle lunged after Clary, who suddenly shoved through the Boy's Locker room door.
But Alec held Isabelle back. "Let's just, maybe, give her a minute to talk to him." Alec mildly suggested.
Inside the locker room, Clary slowed her pace to cautious steps. The quiet staleness of the locker room suddenly surrounded her as the boisterous lobby was cut out. The faint sound of rushing water echoed quietly from around the corner.
"Jace?" She voiced softly, hesitantly seeking the shower. Clary was not sure if she was hesitant to startle him or bracing herself for his apparent rage to be turned on her.
She turned to a corner, past the rows of lockers and benches, into a large shower room. Faucet heads protruded from the three walls and under the center one on the back, stood Jace. The bare-naked form of his backside stood on display. One of his hands braced against the wall, the other arm held loose beside him while his head hung low under the spraying water.
"Jace." Clary voiced again, thinking he would hear her this time. Her throat was thick with anxiety for him. But he didn't respond or even move. Trepid steps led her across the wet, puddled floor of the showers. "Jace." She uttered in a cracked whisper, as she raised her hand and pressed it gingerly to his back.
She gasped loudly in shock, as Jace whipped around grabbing a hold of her wrists. He shoved her to the damp wall just beside the water spray. Each of her wrists pinned beside her head, Clary's chest rose and fell in heavy breaths, and she pressed herself into the wall. Her eyes wide and fearful, matched Jace's intense manic gaze. His face bent just centimeters from hers.
"Don't leave me." Jace's rough, low voice ordered. "Promise—I—You can't..." He tried to rasp out, unable to put his need into words. The lines of his face were anxious and tragic.
In that moment, Clary was reminded that Jace's masks had layered. That even with her, he always wore a thin one. Because what lay underneath was open and raw. A festering wound that hadn't healed. The insides of a frightened child.
Mirrored despair lashed at her heart. "Okay, okay." She hurriedly assured.
With a sudden lunge, Jace's mouth fell against hers. His lips pressing hard, sucking harder. Clary squeaked in surprise but fell hungrily into his kiss. She wrapped her tongue against his, heat simmering up her body. She arched away from the wall, chasing his lips. It was like everything that Jace felt, was bleeding onto her.
Jace reared back, panting. He dropped her wrists, and the abrupt release of pressure sent them throbbing as blood returned to her hands. Jace shucked his large varsity jacket off her shoulders and grabbed behind her legs, hoisting her up. Clary threw her arms around his head, bringing his mouth back to hers for another intoxicating kiss. If he was in pain, they could be in pain together.
Hard and trembling, Jace's hand carved up under her shirt, dragging against her ribcage like stuttering words. "I need you." He groaned. Clary could feel the stiffening of his erection between them, pressing into her. "I need—" He choked out once more, rasping against her lips. Clary sealed her mouth to his, cutting him off.
"I'm here." She affirmed between kisses. Jace's hand moved to caress the side of her neck. His strong thumb pressed into her jaw, wrenching her mouth open wider for him to explore. Clary let him consume her and wondered briefly if she was indeed about to let him take her, right there in the Boy's Locker room. But with a deep, drawn-out inhale, Jace slowly let Clary's back slide down the shower wall till she was back on her feet.
He pulled away, staring down at her with furrowed brows as he slowly tried to find his even breath. Clary gazed back up at him in innocent wonder. She watched as that cold mask of his found its place and suddenly he felt too far away. Clarity came back to her, and for the first time she noticed the purplish bruises forming around his eye and the opposite corner of his mouth. She was struck by the knowledge of how painful kissing her must have been. Her own lips felt hot and swollen.
"You should go." Jace quietly stated. "The game will be over any minute." He stepped back and scooped up the letterman jacket from the wet floor. Clary looked down at herself and realized that her clothes were almost soaked through.
Jace draped the jacket over her shoulder. "Go home. Don't wait for me."
She gaped up at him like a floundering fish, ready to demand answers but he pressed a gentle kiss to her lips. "I'll explain later." He promised, sealing his words with one more kiss. Then he stepped away from her and back under the shower spray, grabbing his soap this time to actually get clean.
Clary stepped away, not liking the feeling of being dismissed, but knew he was right. And she trusted that they would talk later. Sliding her arms into the jacket sleeves she hurried out of the shower and out the locker room door.
Alec and Isabelle leapt away from the wall as they spotted her.
Isabelle eyed Clary in wild confusion, "Why are you all wet?!" She baulked.
"I, uh, I just fell in the shower." Clary stuttered, walking passed them and toward the exit. She could see from the lobby scoreboard, that St. Xavior had still one. But she felt too shaken to feel excitement over the victory.
Isabelle fast walked to keep up with her. "Well, where the fuck was Jace? What happened?"
"He was in the bathroom getting changed." She mindlessly lied. "But he said, he just..." Clary paused thinking of how to describe what happened. "He just lost it. He lost it, but he said that he was okay. He's fine." Clary was half trying to assure herself. But she didn't stop her pace for the exit.
Alec nodded behind her. "Yeah. I'm sure he's fine."
Isabelle peered incredulously at the two of them as they exited the building. "Well, either I'm just new to hockey or you two are desensitized to it because that shit was nuts." She laughed.
When Jace finally walked through the front door of their house, it was dark and late. Every bone in his body ached. The pain in his face was pulsing. But he didn't care enough to ice it yet. He wanted it to hurt a while longer.
He felt like a fucking idiot. Nate had gotten to him. Worse, Nate had fucking split him wide open and the only relief he had was that his rancid guts hadn't spilled out in front of anyone but Clary. Yet, he had snapped. Jace Herondale didn't fucking snap. His anger could wage wars like the relentless waves of a stormed sea. But his pain was an impenetrable prison island that the waves of that sea battered against. And tonight, that prison flooded.
Jace sighed and pushed away from the door, only to step on something in the darkness. He reached down and picked up his Varsity Jacket that Clary had worn at the game. Flipping on the hallway light, he spotted Clary's shirt strewn just a few feet away as well. And hanging on the knob of their parent's bedroom door were her jeans.
Jace arched an eyebrow with delighted curiosity. He dropped his hockey gear there in the foyer and waltzed through the other door. Laying in the middle of the floor was Clary's bra. Jace picked it up with a grin and added it to the growing pile of garments he carried. Following the path of her breadcrumb trail, Jace spied her delicate pair of panties hanging on the doorknob of the master bathroom. A soft warm glow illuminated from the crack underneath.
Jace slowly pushed opened the door and spied Clary's red curls, dampened and frizzing in a bun. Her head peaked out from the jacuzzi tub full of sizzling bubbles. One champagne glass sat on the edge of the tile tub next to a plate of strawberries and Clary sipped from another one. Her eyes lit up like sparkling gems at the sight of him.
Feigning disappointment, Jace sighed, "Damn, I thought it would be Jocelyn."
Clary's narrowed her eyes at him. "Hah-Hah. I wouldn't put it past you to branch out, you twisted pervert."
Jace laughed and stepped into the bathroom shutting the door behind him. The air was thick and warm, candles littered around the tub and shelves creating a dim lighting.
"Come on, babe. She's basically my stepmom, that would be weird." He lamented with sarcasm, peeling off his t-shirt. But he didn't hurry to get in the tub. Jace plopped down beside it, resting his back against the basin.
Clary scooted closer to him, bubbles and water sloshing around her. Jace lolled his head back to look at her. "I wanted to surprise you," She murmured. "Thought you could use a relaxing moment after your night." Her dripping wet fingers gingerly drew along his bruising jaw.
He closed his eyes briefly to the sensation. "I couldn't dream of a better welcome home sight." He agreed and popped open his mouth, waiting. Clary giggled and then brought a strawberry to his lips for tasting. Jace hummed pleasantly.
With a sigh, he stood up staring at Clary as he shoved down his sweats. Her eyes roamed him while she gulped. His body, even bruised and battered, made her want to start a path with her tongue from under his shaft to under his chin.
Jace sank down in the hot, steaming water with a hiss. His hands found her body under the bubbles, and he pulled her back into his lap. He tucked his face into the side of her neck, quiet and breathing. Clary held onto his forearms just as tightly as they wrapped her torso. Both in desperate need of security. Both only finding it there, pressed against each other. There was only a handful of times that she had felt Jace so vulnerable. She felt the urgent need to fix him, make him whole, make him better.
"Tell me what happened." She all but begged.
Jace blew out a hard breath. "Did you know my parents were never married?" He started, to her surprise. Clary frowned and shrugged. "I guess I just assumed," she admitted.
Jace sat behind her while he spoke, his voice soft in her ear as he rested his chin on her shoulder. Clary stared at the fizzing bubbles in front of her as they dissolved atop the water.
"They had already broken up by the time she found out that she was pregnant, in fact." He continued. "They were on okay terms, just not compatible, and decided to be your proper 'coparents'. I saw my dad on Wednesday and every other weekend kind of thing. But I lived with my mom most of the time." All of this was news to Clary, but she waited patiently as Jace let his story finally unfold for her.
"And she was amazing." He whispered. "Beautiful, kind, patient. I was eight and she was the person I loved most in the world. But... my mom was diagnosed with depression back in High School. She had apparently struggled for a long time..."
Clary could feel the drop in her stomach. The sudden shock that hit her as she could only assume what came next. Sensing her stiffness, Jace ran his lips over her neck. His breath felt cool compared to the water. And Clary pressed further into him, seeking and giving comfort.
"I remember her hugging me longer that day as we said good-bye." He admitted. "In hindsight... But when she never showed up at school to pick me up, they called my dad to come get me. He took me back to my house and while he called her name, I just went to get a snack like nothing was wrong. He went up the stairs to her bedroom calling out her name. A second later he came racing down the steps, already dialing on his phone. He grabbed me and dragged me out of the house saying how we needed to wait outside. Next thing I know, ambulances and police cars pull-up. And my grandparents are there crying. My dad looks like he's on the verge of being sick. And no one was answering me... I asked what was going on, where was my mom? Eventually, he took me back to the car and said I just needed to wait there, while everything was figured out."
Droplets of water ran down Clary's face, and from the salty taste, she knew they hadn't come from the tub.
"Through the back car window, I could see them bring her out. Strapped to the gurney under that fucking white sheet." Jace voice had turned grave and distant. "Splotches of bright red seeping through the thin cloth at her sides..." She could feel him force a swallow against her shoulder. "It was her wrists." He grunted out, as if he remembered himself and needed to clarify for her sake. Clary quietly nodded, the distress of his story already eating away at her.
Jace exhaled. "I freaked out because I knew she was dead. And I couldn't imagine who would hurt my mom... Stephan had tried to explain but he was young and fucking lost on the whole situation, too. He sat me down and told me that my mom had hurt herself and they couldn't save her... I stopped eating and sleeping after that. I was in a rage for days. And when they tried to tell me we needed to go bury her, that only made me angrier. I remember my dad arguing with his parents, and my mom's parents, for that matter. Then he came to me and said, "I'm on your side. Now and always. We do this the way we want to, and you don't have to go to the funeral... if you promise to eat all your food." And I just remember being relieved. Seemed like a simple deal to me. So that's what we did."
Jace said matter of factly. "And when months followed where I got into fights and stopped doing my homework and didn't want to talk to anyone, everyone told my dad I had to see a therapist and the idea sickened me. I didn't want to talk about her. I wanted to move on. So, Stephan sat me down the same way as before and we agreed that he wouldn't force me into anything, as long I kept my grades up and stayed out of trouble. So that's what I did. We moved, switched schools, started fresh and I moved on." He finished.
But Clary knew he hadn't moved on. He had buried all his feelings instead of burying his mother. Masked it all through the years. With school, sports, girls. Clary wasn't a parent, and she could only sympathize with Stephan just trying to cope. But anyone could see that's not how one heals!
"You didn't go to her funeral..." Clary mumbled, realizing that Jace had once said he wouldn't be able to go to hers either. She was struck with an understanding of what that meant for Jace.
Jace grunted in agreement. "I didn't go to her funeral. I didn't want to see her cold and lifeless. But sometimes I think that was a mistake." He acknowledged. "Because my imagination, nightmares, they can be much worse." He wouldn't go into detail about the dark images his desperate mind had made up to fill in the gaps. And he wouldn't tell her that now, sometimes, it was Clary he saw laying under the white sheet. Red blood, slowly pooling, dying the fabric around her. Or Clary with her skin sunken in, deteriorating under the bugs and dirt while her eyes stared up... blinking at him.
Clary sniffled and Jace realized she was crying. "Babe, don't cry for me. I'm here, I'm fine. We've all got shit." He soothed, holding her, stroking her.
She blew out a hard breath, trying to compose herself. "I think I'm crying for her." She reasoned. Clary spun in his hold suddenly and grabbed his head giving him a hard kiss. "I want to hate her. For leaving you. For hurting you. But I can't. Because all I can do is feel sorry for her. That she was so lost to think that the little boy she loved most in the world was better off without her."
Jace stared back at Clary. Her eyes were roaming all along his face, admiring, treasuring. Just like the way his mom had once looked at him. She surprised him sometimes. "Do you hate her?" Clary questioned in concern.
His wet hand stroked her freckled cheek. "Not anymore." He lamented. It was the truth. Jace was mature enough to know that mental illness didn't fight fair.
"Wait, what does your mom have to do with Nate? What did he say to you?" she demanded angrily.
Jace glared, his rage for Nate coming back. "We used to be in the same sport leagues. We were friends. Our moms were friends. Until she did what she did, of course. Then his mom apparently had plenty of judgement to pass around. Suddenly, I wasn't the type of friend Nate needed, wasn't good enough. Honestly, that whole family is just despicable." He grumbled with a shrug. "And after I switched schools, we were official rivals. Which only made him hate me more every time I whooped his ass. Only unfortunate part is that Nate seems to know just where to stick his knife."
Clary seemed to mull over this, her expression thoughtful. "Do you think your mom is in a better place?" She asked him curiously.
Jace rested back in the water with a sigh. "I don't know... I don't know if I believe in heaven or hell." He admitted.
Clary sat between his legs, her own legs tucked tight to her chest. "Me neither."
"But Angels? We believe in those?" Jace murmured, almost in question, running his thumb against the slightly raised pattern of black ink at her lower back.
Clary shivered turning back in his arms. "Yes, in one form or another. I have to. Because I know demons are real. And evil. And darkness. There is proof of that everywhere. So, I have to believe there is some sort of warrior out there that keeps them at bay. Or else this whole world would be up in flames."
Jace agreed and busied himself drawing designs on her bare back. "What else do you believe in?"
"Honestly? I think there is a whole part of this world that we don't understand. That not all of us can see. Like, it's here but... adjacent. That's where the ghosts hangout."
Jace smirked. "Hmm. And the vampires and werewolves?"
"And the Fairies too. Of course." Clary nodded, not even sure if she was joking.
Jace snorted. "When would you have ever seen a werewolf?"
"There are some hairy men out there, okay? But that's not the point." She laughed, defending her open mind. "I've never seen an Angel, have you?"
Jace remained quiet enough that Clary looked back at him over her shoulder. He was staring at her that way... Like someone watches the ocean.
"I think so." He insinuated.
Clary felt the heat flood to her cheeks and turned back hiding her smile.
His strong arms encircled her torso, and his teeth nibbled her shoulder. "What? Not going to scold me for being too cheesy?" He chuckled.
"No, I liked that one." Clary sighed. "And I love you." She confessed easily, as if she said the words all the time.
She could feel the grin of Jace's teeth on her shoulder. "That's the first time you've said it."
A weight felt like it had been lifted as she swirled clumsily in the water to embrace with again. Clary let her arms dangle over his shoulders. "But I've known it for a long time, Jace. It scares me how much I love you. I didn't-"
Jace shushed her, with his lips tickling against hers. "I need you to know that I love you more than anything, real or otherwise, in this world." He whispered hurriedly. "You are what I believe in. Us."
Then he kissed her. Slowly like they had all the time in the world to make love. To be in love. Later they found themselves in Jace's bed. Dry, but still unclothed, and pressed nose to nose under the blankets. Both barely holding on to consciousness.
"You know how right when you wake up from a dream, it's like you were just there?" Jace voiced lazily. "But then the more you try to remember it, it becomes foggy, and you don't know if he really happened. Sometimes I feel like I was asleep before I met you. Like I was just moving mindlessly through a nightmare because I didn't know I was dreaming. I think back to before you and it doesn't feel real."
Clary had once learned about the five main love languages. Physical Touch, Quality Time, Gifts, Acts of Service, and Words of affirmations. And yet, she felt hopeless to ever know which one spoke most to her... Jace was so very good at them all.
"You love me that much?" She smiled.
"Yeah, I think I do." He sealed it with a kiss, closing his eyes and breathing evenly.
Clary licked her lips, bracing for her own confession. "You know what I love most about art? It captures a moment. The colors, the images, the emotions. All documented. And I've always felt this urgent pull to capture as much as I can like I was waiting for when this all slipped away... But I don't feel that way with you. I feel like I could exist here forever."
"Me too." Jace mumbled, oh so quietly that he could have already been dreaming.
Clary stared at the ceiling in confusion as it dawned on her. She had been so afraid for Jace to confess his love because she didn't want him to promise her forever... That couldn't be reality. And yet, she had just inadvertently told Jace that he was her forever.
Couple Notes:
The guilt knowing that this chapter has been like 80% done for like a year+... is large.
Also I "mentally" wrote the whole plot of this story ages ago. Okay. And I was like 'ooh yes havent read that before, havent seen that before, Im so original.' and yet... in the years since have read plenty of similar scene situations/diaglogue that just hit me and im luck ugh, nothing is new. Anyone get me? I was watching a show with my husband (whom I don't let read my stuff cause he's not really into my genre and/or cheesy romance (he is but doesn't admit it. Regardelss, I shy.) Anyways, we were watching this couple on the tv. And he's like, 'wow thats a great line, so original. This show has great writers' I bout leapt off the couch and flipped a table because I had written out an almost verbatim scene. What's my point? Idk. I really need to finish these stories though. For ALL of us. Just to say I did something.