Here it is - the fourth and final chapter for now! Thanks so much for the great feedback on this story and also to everyone who's been checking out my other stories over the last few days. My notifications and story stats have practically exploded, and I have to admit, I love it. It's great to see that the work I put into my stories is appreciated (even though I write them because I enjoy it, of course).
Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter!
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It was a nice walk, partly quiet and partly filled with conversation and laughter, feeling comfortable for both of them. And when the door of her building came in sight Kate didn't know whether she was supposed to feel excited about it or sad that their evening might be coming to an end.
She stopped in front of the entrance door and slowly pulled her arm from Castle's to face him. She saw him smiling back at her and felt insecurity working itself up her chest. She didn't know what to expect or what to do. But what she definitely didn't expect was the way he pushed open the door, gesturing for her to go inside.
Arching her brow, she looked at him, and he chuckled, "I'm a gentleman. I'll walk you all the way back to your door."
She wasn't sure whether his intentions with this were really those of a gentleman, but still, she accepted. With a little shaking of her head and a barely hidden smirk, she walked past him and into her building. Riding the elevator up to her floor in silence, she felt her heart beating faster the closer they came to her apartment.
The doors slid open and she walked out, Castle close behind her, down the hallway until she stopped before her door. Slowly, she turned to him, her heart now racing, and she halfway expected - maybe even hoped - he would just lean in and kiss her when she looked up.
But all he did was smile back at her, and it sparked a slight feeling of disappointment. But at least that feeling made her heart calm down a little bit, and she managed to keep her voice under control when she spoke.
"Thank you, Castle. This was a wonderful evening." A soft smile was drawn to her lips, and she really meant what she said. Throughout the whole evening he had been thoughtful and attentive. She couldn't remember the last time that she had felt this comfortable in the company of a man.
"It's been a pleasure," he replied with a smile. And I meant it: If you ever need someone to join you in something like this, just ask me."
Tilting her head a little, she smirked. "I might come back to that."
She saw him taking a deep breath. They both knew the time for goodbye had come, but Kate couldn't shake off the feeling that he tried to put it off just a little while longer. She didn't mind.
"So, what are you up to now? Just go to bed?" It was a stupid question, he knew that. But he didn't know what else to ask, and he desperately searched for a way to keep the conversation going.
Kate chuckled and crossed her arms before her chest, weighing her head from left to right. "I guess I should. But I don't think I'd be able to sleep now. Excitement and coffee." She said with a little wink.
Castle grinned back at her. "I told you, late-night coffee wasn't the best idea. Though I have to admit I enjoyed that part of the evening almost more than the concert."
Kate shook her head and acted like it was hard to believe him. "I am shocked at your lack of music taste, Castle."
Shrugging his shoulders, he shot back, "Maybe you just need to show me more of what you like."
She arched one of her brows at him and smiled. "Is that a try to convince me to ask you inside and show you my music collection?" She softly bit her lip as she finished her teasing question, and at the little gesture and the flirting tone in her voice, he found a little burst of confidence.
"Oh, if I wanted to come in with you, I would just ask, Detective."
He saw her staring back at him, for a moment at a loss for what to say, then the playful glimmer returned to her eyes. She had no idea what she was doing. But as she said it, she told herself that it didn't mean what it seemed to. It was as he said the day before: just two friends enjoying a nice evening.
"Well then, are you going to ask?"
He smirked back at her, his heart skipping a beat as he hid his nervousness behind his cocky tone.
"Do you want me to?"
She looked back at him warily for a few more moments, then her lips cracked into a smile that let a little laughter escape her mouth. Shaking her head, she turned away from him to open the door.
"Come on, Castle." She said as she turned the knob of the door, keeping her back turned on him.
Suddenly, without thinking about it, his hand shot out, and his fingers wrapped around her wrist.
She looked at him in surprise, and all he could say was, "Let me show you something." He pulled at her wrist to guide her away from her door and further down the hallway.
Too surprised and confused to talk back, she followed him, feeling strangely aware of his fingers around her wrist and the fact that she didn't like it when he let go of it again. He didn't look back at her, and by the way his body looked tense while he walked in front of her, she could tell something was going on that was more than one of his little jokes.
He led her down to the end of the hallway until he reached the heavy metal door leading to the rooftop. As he pressed down the handle and pulled at it, he let out a small sigh of relief when it wasn't locked.
He walked through and held the door open long enough for her to come after him but the way he avoided her gaze made her feel even more insecure. She stopped for a second, and somewhere in the far back of her mind, the wheels started turning. She couldn't put her finger on what it was, but walking through this door seemed to stir something deep inside her memory.
As she tried to connect the blurry dots in her mind, her legs moved on their own accord to follow him up the staircase. She didn't go up to the rooftop often, maybe a handful of times since she had moved into her apartment years ago. But the way their footsteps echoed from the walls and the sound of the metal door falling shut behind them let images flicker through her mind that were fresher than from months or years ago.
She had walked up these steps not long ago, but when she had, she had had trouble climbing them. She remembered how she had held onto the railing. And she remembered the touch of a warm hand on her back when she had swayed on her feet as she had tried to open the door.
The same door at the top of the staircase was now pushed open by Castle and as the wind blew through the open door and the cold air hit her face, it suddenly clicked. She stopped in her tracks and stared up at Castle, who held the door open and waited for her, his gaze directed to the city in front of him.
She had been here on her birthday. Drunk. And she had been here with him. It had been his hand that she remembered feeling on her back.
Slowly, her feet started moving again, taking the last couple of steps until she reached the top of the staircase and the open door, and with every step, more pictures and memories returned to her mind.
He had told her to stay away from the edge and she had laughed because she had thought he was silly. But she had let him lead her to one of the metal ventilation shafts and sat down with him. The night had been cold and clear, just like this one. She had felt the alcohol soaring through her system and dazing her mind, and she remembered how light and carefree she had felt.
They had talked. She remembered that, too. But what it had been about was still a blur; she had probably been too drunk to form a coherent sentence. But he had wrapped his arm around her and had held her close to him and it had felt so good. How could she have forgotten that?
She had felt so warm even though the wind had been ice cold. She had felt safe and happy, just like she had felt tonight. But tonight, it hadn't been because alcohol was numbing her mind.
She approached Castle at the door and walked through it. He was still avoiding her gaze, and she tried her best to make sense of it. All of this meant something, and she couldn't shake off the feeling that it had to mean more than the fractures of memories in her head made it seem.
A soft blush spread over her cheeks at the realization that Castle hadn't been drunk when they had been up here together. He had probably not forgotten how she had rested her head on his shoulder while she had whispered words she still couldn't remember. It dawned on her that his decision to bring her up here hadn't been a spontaneous idea.
Her eyes wandered over the rooftop and the view it offered, with the ocean of city lights lighting up the night. She recognized the spot not far from her, where she remembered he had sat her down and taken his spot beside her.
Without thinking about it, she walked over to the metal cover and slowly sank down to it. It felt ice cold on her skin through the thin fabric of her tights and dress, but she didn't care. Her breath formed little clouds before her face as she looked over the city, still trying to piece the information in her head together. She was sure there was something else that he remembered, and she didn't.
She heard his footsteps approaching her and started to feel nervous. It was easy for her to tell that he was feeling the same way. His body was still tense, and his gaze was directed in the same direction as hers. He sat down beside her, not touching her, and stared out into the night. In the dim light, she could see the creases on his forehead as she turned her head to look at him.
He seemed deeply caught up in his thoughts, and the way his silhouette looked beside her seemed familiar. She knew he probably noticed her staring, but he didn't react. All he did was lower his gaze to his feet, and the slightest shift in his posture, his shoulders sinking slightly, made him look like he was giving up on trying to sort out whatever was going on in his head.
"So, what did you want to show me?" Kate asked as the silence suddenly felt heavy.
He took a couple of moments to answer, and when he did, he still didn't look at her.
"It isn't really something I could show you, but something I want to tell you. But somehow, I can't."
She looked at him, confused for a second, and then distracted by the words that crossed her mind.
I can't... I can't tell you that…
Kate swallowed hard as the memories came flooding back to her mind. A cold wind blew over them, the first couple of snowflakes of the winter flying through it and hitting the heated skin of her cheeks.
So this was what this evening was all about. He had wanted to get her up here to talk about what she had said to him a couple of days ago and then forgot. A wave of panic rolled over her. It had been quite a way for her to even admit the way she was feeling to herself, and she was still in the process of accepting it. To think that he had known for days without saying a word made her feel somewhat ashamed. If she ever would have told him, this had definitely not been the way she had wanted to do it.
Her mind started racing on what to do as the wind grew stronger and even more snowflakes twirled around them. Involuntarily, she shivered, partly at the cold and partly at the feeling of overwhelm and insecurity.
Castle seemed to notice because, for the first time since they had come up here, he looked at her. With the slightest smile, he shrugged off his coat and placed it around her shoulders. Now, Kate was the one to lower her gaze and stare at her feet, her cheeks deeply red from the cold and the chaos inside of her head.
"You'll be catching a cold." She said quietly, and with a skip in her heartbeat, she noticed that he let his arm linger around her shoulder as he adjusted his coat around her body.
"I'm not cold, don't worry." He replied, and the warmth in his voice was so evident that Kate had no trouble believing he was telling the truth.
Silence settled between them again, but this time, Kate could feel his eyes on her, taking in her face, and she could feel how he was mustering up the courage to speak just as much as she did. Even though she had no idea what to say.
When he finally mumbled her name, she took a deep breath and looked up at him, his surprised eyes looking back at her as she spoke.
"Castle, I would like to thank you for this evening."
He smiled back at her and shrugged his shoulders. "As I said, it's been my pleasure."
Slowly she nodded as she held the coat tightly together in front of her chest with one hand, the other hesitantly reaching out to come to rest on his leg. She directed her eyes back to his and saw them even a little wider than a moment before.
"But I think I know what this whole evening was about. And I think I can't let you go through with your plan."
He frowned at her and slightly shook his head. "Kate, I... I don't want you to think I…" The last thing he wanted her to think was that everything he had done tonight had been a plan to get her into bed if that was what she believed. But his failed try to explain himself was cut off by a squeeze of her hand on his leg.
She smiled at him and he couldn't wrap his mind around what was going on, all he could do was stare at her.
It took Kate a few more seconds to bring herself to say it. But if she had said it once before, even if it had been influenced by alcohol, she would be brave enough to do it again.
"I think tonight could have been even better if we stopped pretending."
He stared back at her and whispered, "Pretend what?"
He felt Kate's hand letting go of his leg and instead searching for his, his fingers wrapping around hers as he felt them brushing against his hand.
"That we're just two friends who enjoy a nice evening. As to say it in your words."
She sighed as she looked down, too insecure to look at him at her next words.
"I know you wanted to bring me up here to talk about what happened on my birthday." She heard his breath stopping beside her for a second.
"You remember?" He asked, his voice full of confusion and disbelief.
"Now I do." She silently replied.
He kept quiet for a moment, and a part of Kate feared what he would say next.
"If you remember now," He started slowly, "Then did you mean what you said?"
She brought her eyes back to meet his, no matter how much effort it cost her. Her hand felt warm in his, and she held on tight to it, hoping he could feel what she felt through her touch.
"Do you think I would be sitting here, freezing on a rooftop, if I didn't?"
His face lit up as soon as the words made their way to his mind. He opened his mouth to say something, but Kate was faster.
"But I also meant what I said about our partnership, Castle." She let out a shaky breath. "I don't want it to end, no matter how bumpy it might be at times."
With furrowed brows, he looked back at her, carefully grazing his thumb over the back of her hand.
"But we wouldn't have to end our partnership," he said, a little confused by the sad smile that spread over her lips.
With a sigh, she said, "Do you really think that could work? Being partners while…" Her voice trailed off, unable to decipher what this evening and this talk would make them.
"I think it would be worth a try." He said firmly without having to think about it.
He watched her as she looked back at the nightly image of the city, her eyes staring blankly into the distance as she seemed to think about his words. Slowly, he felt the cold creeping up on him, unsure whether it was the icy air or the fear that she might pull away and that after tonight, they wouldn't even be partners anymore. Even though he doubted he could ever go back to just being that with what he knew now.
His nervous heart jumped in his chest at the sound of her voice, and he held her hand a little tighter than necessary as if he could chain her to him by simply not letting her go.
"If we do give it a try, do you promise not to let it end things like they have been between us until now?"
He didn't immediately understand what she meant by that. Of course, things would change if they took the leap from partners to lovers. But in the next moment, he realized her worries didn't involve the changes that would bring them closer.
What she feared was losing what they had built, a base of trust and comfort that had to mean even more to her than it did to him, telling by what he had gotten to know about her until now. And he was sure he had only seen fractions of who she really was. But he desperately longed for more.
"Kate, I am convinced it would only be the beginning of something much better than we have been."
He held his breath, hoping his words would be enough to quiet her fears. She sat in silence for what felt like a lifetime, still staring out into the night, and he was sure the internal battle he had fought with himself the entire evening was now raging inside of her.
He gave her hand a gentle squeeze and felt warmth flooding over his body as she returned his touch. Finally, her eyes met his again, and he released the air from his lungs as he saw the softness in her eyes that he longed to see so much more.
"It's getting cold, don't you think? Maybe we should go inside." She whispered and he felt his head nodding without him having to think about it.
Kate got up but didn't let go of his hand, and he followed her without a trace of resistance. This time, it was she who led them down the staircase and back to the hallway, the warmth of the building feeling like a relief and a mirror of how it made him feel to be led back to her apartment by her.
She let go of his hand to get her keys and unlock the door. When she pushed it open, she didn't walk inside like he had expected her to but turned to him, her expression a little insecure again.
"Do I need to ask you inside?" She whispered and he felt his mouth go dry as he shook his head and got his legs to move.
He stopped, standing in the doorframe, directly in front of her. She looked up at him, her eyes wide in anticipation and he almost asked her if he was allowed to kiss her, but her eyes already held the answer.
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I know for some of you this ending may not be very satisfying. But as I was writing it, it felt satisfying to me, so I left it that way.
But as I said at the beginning of the story: there is an option for a fifth chapter. Even though we all know what's going to happen next, and this chapter would definitely be rated M. I wouldn't mind writing it (but it will take a few days, since my kids have recently decided they don't need naps anymore), but I also wouldn't mind leaving the story as is. Just let me know what you prefer!