A/N: I never thought I'd be dabbling with fanfiction on Horrid Henry of all things. But I've become quite obsessed with reading every story that's out there, listening to as many of the audio books and searching every bit of material as I can. They are quite the comedy gem. This story is entirely inspired by the books, not the TV series. Basically, this means the Lazy Linda presented in this story is not the valley-girl with the Cockney accent that you know from the TV show, this Clever Clare is not that tall girl with the wild hair and earrings (seriously, who the heck is that?), and Horrid Henry is the original Horrid Henry with no morals or respect for anyone. This is 100% based on the book universe with many elements that the books loved to play with, along with the hallmarks of my own storytelling. So if the only thing you know about 'Horrid Henry' is the TV show, forget all of that and go listen to some of the audiobooks available on youtube first.
I've got a lot more to say about the books vs the TV show, but will save all that for the A/N at the end of this chapter. Happy reading!
Lazy Linda's Best Day
February 16 – 28, 2024
Chapter 1 – Just the Quiet Girl
DING DING DING DING DING
The morning school bell had rung, but the only one who seemed to have heard it was Miss Battle-Axe.
"Soraya! Stop singing!"
"William! Stop weeping!"
"Kate! Stop kicking!"
"Ralph! Stop yelling!"
"Linda! Stop snoozing!"
"Henry! Just stop!"
Like the bell, not a single student in the class heard her.
Except for one. In the corner desk at the front row, Lazy Linda let out a snort at the sound of her name and woke up. Lifting her head from her arms that were propped on her desk, Linda rubbed her sleepy eyes and gazed around the classroom. It looked exactly like it had all those hours ago when she had first lay her head down for a nap (which was its usual state at any given moment).
Singing Soraya was singing very loudly into her ruler like a microphone and was oblivious to the icy glares from Sour Susan and Fiery Fiona who sat next to her, covering their ears. In the middle of the room, Kung-Fu Kate was practicing dangerous-looking kicks that were making Anxious Andrew very pale. Weepy William was bawling. Rude Ralph was standing on his chair doing a Viking chant. And at his desk stationed at the very back of the room, Horrid Henry was…up to something for sure.
Very usual.
Linda glanced at the clock. It was 9:04, a whole four minutes since school had officially started for the day. Okay, so it wasn't hours ago. Had it really only been four minutes since she had sat at her desk and closed her eyes to catch a few winks? It felt as though several days had passed.
"Graham! No chewing gum in school!" thundered Miss Battle-Axe. "Bert! I told you to sit on your chair! Why are you sitting on the floor?"
"I dunno," said Beefy Bert.
Linda yawned. All the commotion was making her eyes droopy.
"Tired, are you, Linda?" asked a kind voice.
Linda looked to see her best friend Gurinder, or Gorgeous Gurinder as she had been nicknamed by many. Appropriately so, as Gurinder was the prettiest girl in their class and liked to let everyone know it. Backed with her knowledge on the latest fashion sense and a large family who was quite wealthy, she always came to school with a new style on full display. Her outfits were always different and always glamourous. As for her hair, Gurinder's long sleek black mane was pulled into a shiny braid today.
Linda, in contrast, had no fashion sense to account for and usually came to school wearing her striped blue jumper and pink skirt. Her shaggy mop of brown hair was never a spectacular highlight either. Truly a mystery it was how someone like Gorgeous Gurinder could be such good friends with someone like Lazy Linda. But even with her vanity and high opinions on everything, Gurinder had never once looked down upon Linda. Well, except for literally. Gurinder stood a few inches taller than Linda's head as Linda was one of the shortest kids in the class.
"Just a little," the sleepy girl murmured softly. Her voice always came out rather quiet.
"How many hours of sleep did you get last night?" Gurinder asked. Her elegant voice had a slight accent that only added to her rich splendor.
"Oh, maybe 11 hours this time…I think."
Gurinder giggled. "That's less than the night before," she teased. "No wonder you're so sleepy!"
Linda smiled sheepishly and gave a little stretch. Talking to someone often made her feel a little more awake. But no one except Gurinder usually went out of their way to talk to her directly. She peered past Gurinder and spotted Al and Zoe sitting one row of desks over, talking. Well, arguing.
"I can run faster than you any day!"
"You wish, Zoe. I train professionally with a personal trainer!" Aerobic Al boasted, puffing out his chest. "I'm the fastest boy in the whole school!"
Zippy Zoe's blue eyes narrowed and she crossed her arms. "Well, I'm the fastest girl in the whole school!"
Al laughed. "That explains why you're so slow. You're just a girl!"
"You take that back!" Zoe shrilled furiously.
Al and Zoe were both the fastest kids in the school, the whole neighbourhood in fact, but they could never seem to get along. Funny though, Linda thought, because then she looked over to Clare and Brian, who were sitting closely together to compare their homework answers while somehow ignoring the noise around them. Clever Clare and Brainy Brian were both the smartest kids in the school, but they were also best friends. Linda wondered if there was any possible way that the two fastest kids could be friends like the two smartest kids.
Lazy Linda wasn't fast or smart. She had no extraordinary powers aside from being just the quiet girl who slept in class and the one whom not many people paid attention to. Most of the boys seemed to forget she existed. The girls remembered, but for different reasons. Margaret didn't like her, often calling her a useless lump. Still, she was a member of Margaret's Secret Club, so there was that. Susan, who was Margaret's best friend, but sometimes more of her sidekick, didn't particularly like Linda either. She called Linda a copy-cat. Gurinder had been her best friend ever since they were toddlers. Soraya and Kate were her friends too and she liked them both, but sometimes Soraya sang too loudly and Kate was too violent. And she only knew Violet because Violet was also a member of the Secret Club. But that was about it.
Then there were the other girls who were not a part of the Club. Linda had mixed feelings about Clare. Brilliant-minded, overachieving, smartly-dressed, pigtailed Clare was nice, but extremely proud of her academic abilities. It was all too common for Linda to find herself asking Clare for help in various school subjects, and although Clare always obliged, Linda was starting to sense that the little effort she put into her work, even when she was trying her hardest, was starting to annoy Clare. It wasn't easy living up to the standards of Clever Clare. Perhaps she should have considered turning to Brian for help instead, but Linda was always a little shy talking to boys. Thus, she risked it with Clare. "Don't be pathetic, Linda! Use your brain!" Clare had snapped angrily last month while trying to help Linda understand a series of difficult fractions.
Linda couldn't really blame her. She had not been fully awake that day. Or any day for that matter.
Fiona had a fiery temper that when unleashed, did nothing short of scaring her. Zoe was too fast for her liking. Linda quietly stayed out of both girls' way. And she was fairly certain that Martha and Meg did not think much of her.
All in all, Linda did have friends. But aside from Gurinder, no one really seemed to be there for her. And sometimes, this knowledge made her feel a little lonely.
"Class! Settle down!"
Linda's deep thoughts broke. Miss Battle-Axe was still trying to get the room under control. "For the last time –"
"Miss!" yelped Anxious Andrew. "Kate just kicked me!"
"You were in the way!" Kate barked at him.
"Miss!" Weepy William wailed. "Margaret stole my pencil!"
"Liar!" sneered Moody Margaret.
"Somewhere…over the rainbow!" warbled Soraya.
"Shut up, Soraya!" Fiona finally burst out.
"A hundred meters easy!" Al bragged.
"Two hundred meters double easy!" Zoe bragged back.
"OWW!" Vain Violet screamed as Tough Toby yanked her pigtails. "Quit it, Toby!"
"Hey! Where are my sweets?" shrieked Greedy Graham in horror to Magic Martha, who had apparently made them disappear.
"Killer Boy Rats say chores are dumb!" sang Henry as he danced upon his desk and thrashed his arms about wildly. "Smash, bang, wham, so stick it up your b–"
"CLASS! IN YOUR SEATS NOW!" bellowed Miss Battle-Axe. "OR PLAYTIME IS CANCELLED FOR EVERYONE!"
That got them. As if all the children were mind-controlled by a computer command, everyone immediately stopped what they were doing and sat down at their desks.
Miss Battle-Axe glared at her class. Her class glared back. In just three more months, she would be lounging upon a deckchair at a tropical resort, basking in the sun. Far, far away from the school and its rowdy children. But until then…
"Pay attention everyone!" she hissed. "We will be learning how to work with some very important decimals today, and I will only explain once!"
A loud groan swept over the room of slouching children, the loudest of all coming from Horrid Henry's desk. "Can't we have a FUN class for once?" he howled.
"Silence, Henry," snapped Miss Battle-Axe, "or you can stay in during break."
Decimals…multiply…remember the rule of…more decimals…blah blah blah
First period Math dragged on. Lazy Linda tried to focus, but it was difficult. Her mind was hazy and she had already missed a few of Miss Battle-Axe's words in her explanations, and now they weren't making much sense. And when it was time to work on their worksheets, Linda felt her eyelids starting to fall. She felt tired. She felt bored. Most of all, she felt lazy. She hated math questions.
She glanced around the class. Everyone had their heads down. Clare and Brian were scribbling so fast that their pencils were a blur. Bert was looking confused, but at least he was writing. Linda twisted her head to the back towards Henry. His eyes were down on his desk, but it looked like his mouth was busy sucking on something. No doubt a sour fuzzball or a Big Bopper he had sneaked while Miss Battle-Axe's back was turned. Henry was the master at sneaking sweets in class despite the rule that clearly forbid such a thing.
Everyone else seemed to be writing. Linda wasn't. She was struggling. And she was yawning.
Normally, she wouldn't care about sleeping in class or leaving a few assignment questions unanswered. But lately, the strong need to put an end to her habits was nagging her. Her parents had been receiving phone calls from Miss Battle-Axe about Linda's grades. The results on her last three spelling tests and that history report were making it evident that something needed to be done. Her mother had explained to Linda a few nights ago that it cost them a lot of money to send her to Ashton Primary School, and if Linda didn't improve soon, they may have to be forced to make other arrangements. Linda didn't know what that meant, but didn't want to find out. While she disliked having to go to school five days a week (she found her bed a much comfier place to sleep), she did like seeing Gurinder.
Linda sighed. She imagined the whole class not sitting through another math lecture, but instead sitting in a lovely grassy meadow, under the bright warm sunshine and surrounded by sweet-smelling flowers. No pencils, no paper, no books. Birds were singing and clouds were puffy and white. No writing or thinking required, just blissful peace and…
"Miss!"
Her eyes snapped open as a loud voice pierced her ears. "Linda's snoring again!"
Miss Battle-Axe turned around from the chalkboard, which was covered with numbered equations, and glared at the interrupting party. "Margaret, don't shout in class!" she snapped. "Raise your hand. And Linda, keep awake if you please."
She resumed writing on the board. Moody Margaret glared at Linda and stuck out her tongue.
Linda blushed. She hadn't even noticed that she had nodded off. As her dream cloud vanished, she looked down on her worksheet that her face must have been lying on due to the spot of drool next to 1.62 x 100 = … The rest of the sheet hadn't been touched either.
With a tired moan, Linda yawned and tried to make sense out of the numbers that lay before her. Times like these were when she wished she had a sink right next to her desk to splash water on her face.
She snuck a peek over to Gurinder, who caught her eye and smiled. Linda returned her smile and, feeling just a little encouraged, tried to resume working.
"Miss!" screeched Margaret. "Ralph's making faces at me!"
DING DING DING DING DING
Linda woke up. And she breathed a sigh of relief. Second period Science was finally over and so was their boring lecture of ecosystems. Now it was break time. She planned to have a nap under the oak tree and hopefully build up enough energy to last through English. That would get her to lunchtime when she could sneak in a few more minutes of sleep, although today there was something particularly special to look forward to.
For days, there had been rumours that the school cafeteria would be serving Chocolate Fudge Chewies. A prized biscuit flavour that everyone, including herself, craved to no end. Luscious chocolate fudge packed in a moist biscuit with a spring of frosting in every bite. The members of the Secret Club were lucky if Margaret handed them out, but they usually had to do something for her first. If the rumours were true, then the queue at the cafeteria today was going to stretch halfway around the world. Linda had a feeling that no one was taking the chance. And if she wanted a Chewie, she would need to muster all the energy she could to not fall behind the crowd.
The other children ran shrieking out the door in the usual hysterics to get to the playground. As usual, Lazy Linda was the last one to leave. Gurinder was waiting for her at the door. But before Linda could drag her feet over the threshold, she heard Miss Battle-Axe call out.
"Linda? A word if you wouldn't mind."
Uh oh. Linda glanced at Gurinder who nodded her head towards the hall, indicating she would wait for her out on the playground. She shuffled over to the teacher's desk. "Yes, Miss?" she asked timidly.
Miss Battle-Axe fixed her a look behind her thick glasses. "Now Linda, you know I don't approve of shouting in class," she said in a grave tone. "But Margaret was correct. You were indeed snoring during Math today…again. And Science as well."
Linda's skin tensed and she gulped. "I know. I'm sorry," she mumbled.
"I'm sure that you are well aware that I've been chatting with your mother," Miss Battle-Axe went on. "And we both agreed that now would be a good time to take action if you are to have any hope in improving your grades and to break this…ahem…lazy habit of yours."
Lazy Linda did not like where this was going at all. "W-what can I do?"
Her teacher reached into the desk drawer and procured a sheet of paper. It looked like a long list. "For the next few days, we've proposed that you undertake some minor tasks around the classroom during breaks. Perhaps, by some great miracle, you may learn a thing or two about responsibility over yourself," she said grimly. "You will report to me at the end and we shall checkmark each task together."
As if the floor was really a giant vacuum cleaner, whatever features remaining on Lazy Linda were sucked downward as her face fell upon realizing what her teacher meant.
Work.
With very slow brush strokes, Linda pushed the broom she had been given back and forth, forth and back, sweeping the messy floor of her classroom. Miss Battle-Axe had said they would start out small with some simple sweeping. But to Linda, the laziest and slowest girl in the school who despised doing work, along with all other activities that didn't involve taking her somewhere where she could rest her head, this was torture.
Miss Battle-Axe had to leave the room to talk to Mrs. Oddbod, the Headmistress, so Linda was left on her own. She gazed longingly out the window that gave her a tauntingly generous view of the sunny world outside. There was the oak tree with its large shady canopy that she liked to stretch out beneath for a snooze. She saw Henry's perfect little brother Peter, happily playing hopscotch with his friends. Brian was pushing Clare on the swings. A flash of white and yellow shot past the yard; Linda guessed that was Aerobic Al and Zippy Zoe racing each other in vain attempts to settle their long-standing rivalry. Many of the kids from her class were curiously gathered in one spot of the blacktop. Linda wondered what they were doing.
It didn't matter, for she was stuck where she was for the next two weeks. Two whole weeks of missing break to do these classroom chores. A quick glancing at the sheet that Miss Battle-Axe had shown to her earlier had let Linda know that she would be helping to rearrange supplies in the classroom storage closet tomorrow. She wondered if this was how her favourite fairy tale character, Cinderella, had felt to be stuck inside doing house work while freedom lay out of her reach.
Linda sighed, feeling her position deeper and deeper every minute. The broom felt so heavy in her hands as she tried to sweep all the candy wrappers from under Graham's desk and the bits of torn-up spelling lists around Henry's desk. She wasn't tired anymore. Now she was sad.
"This wouldn't happen if I had just stayed awake in class," she groaned aloud miserably. "I can't help it that I'm so tired all the time. And maybe a little lazy."
"But everyone else can," she unhappily realized. "How do they do it? Why can't I stay awake like them? Why can't I just do school work and be a normal girl like Gurinder? What's wrong with me?"
Being sleepy had made everyone ignore her. Being lazy had made them look down upon her. Being sleepy and lazy had gotten her into trouble with her teacher and her parents. And now that she was stuck here, she couldn't even spend time with Gurinder during break, regardless if that time consisted of Linda sleeping under the oak tree and Gurinder sitting beside her. It just meant so much to her knowing her best friend was always there. Now even that had been taken away.
"Clare was right. I really am pathetic."
Feeling sad and ashamed, but most of all, a failure to herself, Linda set the broom against Dizzy Dave's desk and sat down in Dave's chair. Tears trickled down her cheeks as she finally began to feel the full consequences of just what being lazy had done to her. She still remembered how Miss Battle-Axe had assigned her to be the hind legs of the donkey in last year's Christmas play, where she wasn't seen by anyone and probably no one knew she was even there.
Just like every day.
So caught in her own sorrow, she almost didn't hear the tap-tap-tapping of the window. Looking up, she saw a finger gently hitting the glass. Linda shuffled over and peered out.
A familiar face was on the other side. A beautiful face with a friendly smile and shiny black hair tied in a long braid flowing down her back.
Lazy Linda's spirits rose. She looked around to make sure Miss Battle-Axe hadn't returned. The coast was clear, so she opened the window. "Hi, Gurinder."
"Hi, Linda! What are you doing inside?" asked Gorgeous Gurinder.
"Miss Battle-Axe is keeping me in during breaks," Linda sighed. "I fell asleep too many times in class. She's making me do work to help me learn about responsibility or something."
Gurinder's smile vanished. "Aw gee, that's rough!" she said sympathetically. "Don't be sad, Linda. Break will be over soon and everything will be better when it's lunchtime."
Linda wiped her eyes, trying not to let her sadness be shown, but Gurinder wasn't fooled. She reached her balled fist through the window. "I better make this quick before Miss Battle-Axe sees us. We can talk at lunch, okay?" she told her kindly. "Here, these might cheer you up."
She passed something to Linda. The brunette looked into her hand and was surprised to see two sour gummy fuzzballs. One of her favourite kinds of sweets, all wrapped up in crinkly foil. "Blimey! Where'd you get these?"
"Margaret was giving them out, can you believe it? She's trying to earn her Generosity badge for that contest. You can have mine too, all right? Maybe they'll give you a boost of energy today."
Linda's heart warmed inside. "Oh Gurinder, thank you," she gushed.
"You're welcome! I better get out of here though before we get caught. See you later!"
Linda waved as Gurinder hurried away. She gave the fuzzballs a deep sniff. The wrappers still permitted the lovely aroma of lime from one and lemon from the other to tingle her senses. Suddenly motivated, a rare feeling for her, she stashed the sweets into her skirt pocket and resumed her work with the broom, feeling just a bit better knowing that a good friend was still looking out for her.
A/N: I've only watched a few episodes from the TV series, and I'm not impressed. I can't fault it too much, as a TV show and a book are very different mediums. You can have a despicable protagonist with zero redeeming qualities like Horrid Henry and other jerk characters in the books because they're books. But a TV show is more memorable and accessible to kids, so you need a likable protagonist and morals in every story. The show is very strange, as if feels more like a Henry sitcom with random things just happening around him that he comments on. The pacing and directions in the show fall flat, even when based on the book stories. Overall, it's just not very interesting. And I want to say that a lot of that stems from the lack of a large cast. There is a logic behind who they chose out of the original cast: they got the main character, his rival, his best friend, the athlete, sleeping one, the brainiac, the girl obsessed with her looks, the worry-wart, etc. No need for Brainy Brian and Clever Clare to both be in the show when just one of them can fill the role. I get it. But it's still disappointing because I love when the books dove into its vast cast, using a variety of different characters to carry the story in Henry's eyes. Not to mention how the show barely does anything with anyone other than Henry, Peter, Margaret, and his parents. Everyone else is basically made for crowd scenes and background duties. Has Soraya actually been used for a singing scene of her alone? Does Susan have any defining character traits other than Margaret's parrot? Following the same people all the time gets dull very quickly.
When reading the books, it's almost like a fun quest to see how many times less common characters like Kung-Fu Kate or Babbling Bob appear. I've also been pouring through the joke books and annuals for inspiration and discovered that Clare, Jim, Ian, Fiona, Kate, Martha, and others get way more attention in those than the original books. Even the Early Reader books contain additional and better illustrations. It's quite the treasure hunt!
This story was primarily inspired by Lazy Linda and Gorgeous Gurinder's friendship that was hinted throughout the books, but never outright stated. There are actually a handful of moments sprinkled here and there that suggest that they are close. She wants to sleep next to Gurinder at Margaret's sleepover, they go trick-or-treating together, and perform in the talent show alongside Fiona and Zoe. That last one served as a primary inspiration for this, and there's even an illustration of the 4 girls in the Horrid Henry's Tricky Treats book version of Horrid Henry Wakes the Dead.
And because I'm not a British child, I apologize if there are some inaccuracies in the way they speak, their culture, etc. It's all really just a fun writing venture and an attempt to bring some overlooked characters in to the spotlight. I love giving the neglected their time to shine, which will become apparent in upcoming chapters. With all that said, I hope you enjoyed Chapter 1!