Just as soon as the wedding brought everyone together for a day to celebrate, so this day comes to bring them together again – to mourn.

It was only a small group that came that day. Out of respect to the dead, he asked that only the folks that truly knew him show up. It was a request that was easily obeyed as nobody else wanted to witness the sadness that permeated in that room.

Stellan stood at the front of the group, watching the few that were here talk quietly amongst themselves. And fuck, the pain. They were all blindsided by this… But he wasn't. He looked over at Kat and she wasn't even looking back at him. On her lap she held letters with names on them familiar handwriting, but these were so much more than that now. They were a last goodbye, an artifact of the past.

Out of Spite all sat together, once again needing each other. Trap kept patting at his eyes with the same tissue he got when they first arrived, while Malloy was staring at the ground with Camellia rubbing his back. Tessa and Jill tried to keep Coda entertained in the meantime. Jace looked off into the distance and listened, but didn't talk.

On the end of them sat Jo with Maggie, full of concern for their friends. Maggie, for once, slouched. Jo kept leaning over to glance at Camellia and Malloy, but of course her girlfriend insisted on sitting next to Trap as well because of how worried she was about him.

Behind them sat Lux and Piccolo, both looking so sullen. They didn't know Numi like the others but felt moved to come from the few interactions they'd had. Beside Piccolo sat Ani who looked like his life was ending deep within his eyes as he was taking deep breaths and his hands were shaking. Next to him, his wife, who had a reassuring arm around him and was gently rubbing his shoulder. But that was all she could do for him. Next to her sat the fearsome foursome of young Victors – on June's insistence considering the times they had him over when he was a young Victor and played silly card games together. Riggs was quiet, looking at the sullen expressions on everyone's faces, while holding onto Gian's hand, and looking over at June, who had tensed her jaw.

And behind, an unlikely foursome – Vos, Chica, Indy, and Monty stayed toward the back, not trying to be noticed or steal any attention. Three were here to support one who had offered them all a gift for the makeshift service.

And all the way in the back of the room, by the doorway where nobody could see and he could just barely hear… Stood Jun. He didn't tell Lizzie he was going to be here, but he felt… He felt like he should be here. And yet he didn't feel welcome.

"Alright," Wolf said, when he counted heads and figured that this was about the crowd they were going to have. He took a deep breath through his nose and released it. That tired, miserable look was back on his face. It made him look so much older. "Here we go." He wasn't ready and he could see in the room that many of them weren't either.

"Sit," Kat said, not wanting him to feel like he had to stand in front of them all. She was worried about him. "It's okay."

"Why are we in rows anyway?" Everyone looked over when Maggie spoke. "Move the tables," she said. The group was small enough that they could.

"Good idea," Helen said, quick to jump up and help her with the idea. Gian, Riggs, and Prentice got up to help move tables and soon there was no need to stand as they were all facing each other in a circle. It was a pitiful sight and Kat almost wished she hadn't so that she could try to not notice the pain that lived on each face of someone she cared about…

"Thanks Maggie," said Stellan, trying to give her a smile as he looked around at the group. He still didn't feel ready or qualified to speak, but he didn't have a choice as everyone's eyes were on him. "I'm going to do my best to hold it together," he said, taking a deep breath. "We all know why we're here. After so much has happened, it's only right for us to join together and take a moment to mourn the life of a young star-crossed voyager."

His voice was shaking as he shook his head a little bit. "Shit," he said. This whole time he was trying to think of what he was going to say to them all when this moment came and honestly… He didn't know. He looked at Kat who had silent tears streaming down her cheeks and knew he couldn't ask her to take over. "Fuck."

"We all had a special relationship with Numi." And the voice that came from the circle was… Surprising.

Coda Fukai cleared his throat a little bit, squeezing his fists for a moment and full of this… Desire to be strong for Stellan and Kat. "It was messy at times, and complicated, and we all got fucking sick of each other. But at the end of the day Numitor was like a brother to me and I'm sure everyone here can say the same. This complicated emotion of, like, fuck, could we have done something different and maybe saved him? Like goddamn, I really don't know," he said and his lips started to quiver. Malloy nodded along and Trap was vocally sobbing a little bit with Camellia over his slouched back as the tears rolled out of her eyes. He wiped his eyes a little bit and let out a few hiccups.

"No." Everyone looked over at Jace who had the silent tears on his own cheeks. "His heart wasn't here," he said quietly. "We all know where it was." He was holding onto Trap's hand and rubbing his leg a little bit as Coda gently punched the stool he was sitting on in frustration. "He loved too deeply and too fiercely," Jace continued. "Without his family and without Semper, he was nothing. He was just willing to do anything to make a better world for his siblings, and kids like them."

"We were his family too," Tessa said miserably, a lot of… Anger coming back up with her grief in that moment.

"I have no doubt that he thought that," Kat said as she was composing herself watching Coda and Jace be strong, and took a deep breath. "About all of you. He loved you all very much."

"We loved him too, Coach, we loved him way too much, fuck, why?" Trap asked, slightly muffled by his legs.

"I knew." Stellan could feel eyes on him and it made his heart slowly sink down to the very bottom of his stomach. "This whole time I knew," he said.

"We knew," Kat said, gesturing to both of them, not willing to let him face this on his own.

"He asked that we not tell you," Stellan said to them all. "I wanted to find a way to get him out but it was quickly clear that he didn't want to be rescued. And we tried. We tried to talk him out of it. I should have given the job to someone else." But it just worked out so well with the people and supplies he had access to at the time for it to end that way. That was the ugly truth he was hiding. He never should have let Numi go by himself, regardless of whether or not he wanted to be saved.

But goddammit, that was what they were doing this whole time, just dragging him along through life and trying to keep him contained. It was like he died a long time ago, with everything he was forced to experience, the forced solitude after what he did, the constant danger to his family and friends that he felt like were all his fault. "I had an escape plan out for him. But he was never going to take it."

Did he manipulate Numi into dying? He still didn't know.

"He always threw himself into dangerous situations, he would have done anything to make this world better for people he loved," Lux pointed out levelly, and as soon as he wasn't speaking anymore, Stellan collapsed into himself with sobs.

"This world isn't better without him."

The first words Anakyn Skyavich had spoken to anyone all day, since he realized what was going to happen today.

"It is a much duller place," agreed June. "That bastard, I thought when we said suicide pact it was 51% a joke," she said, shaking her head as her eyes filled with more tears and she patted them again.

"I don't even understand how he could think that," Ani said. "That's what still fucking blows my mind."

"What could we have possibly done to make him realize how much he had?" asked Malloy finally. I know. Well he felt like he didn't fucking know…

"Sometimes, there's not much we can do but lament," said Lux. "His battle was lost and sometimes no matter how much we love him and how much we do, he chose to forge his path forward."

Nobody wanted to accept it, but there was no other reality for them than this one right now, with him gone and them all still here.

"Lament." Jun said quietly to himself, and when he felt eyes on him, he cleared his throat. "I was just leaving."

"No," said Kat, gesturing someone over. Monty took the gesture and got up to go get Jun and keep him from leaving.

"Come on," said Monty. "We didn't know him at all, you can come sit with us."

"I…" Jun said, wanting to protest, but Monty kinda had him in a hold here and he eventually sunk down next to him and felt eyes on him. "Sorry. It just made me think of… A Chopin etude," he said, able to practically see the music upon closing his eyes, his fingers practically able to feel the keys underneath them. Back then he was constantly told to play with more feeling. He didn't understand when he was learning it what that even meant, but now he did. He would never play those kinds of pieces the same again.

"You volunteered for Aristotle," Anakyn said, reaching over to pat his leg softly. "You did him a true favor that day. All of us." His blood ran cold just thinking about Aristotle being in all this mess as well. At least Jun did that much.

"Oh yeah," Jun said. It felt like a million years ago. "I was just trying to help how I could. So I guess I do understand in a way how he must have felt." He was planning to give himself away, family be damned, at one point too. Until she came in. Ha… For poor Numi, it all happened in the opposite order.

"Surely there is some way we could have stopped it, and helped him!" Trap said right away, a certain anger bubbling up inside of him. When he sat up, Camellia just helplessly fell over onto Malloy's lap who put a hand up to gently rub her back. Trap shook his head as he swallowed down some more tears. "We let this happen to him! …You let this happen to him," he said quietly, looking at Stellan and Kat.

"We did." Kat couldn't believe now that she did. She felt so responsible.

"He was willing to sacrifice his life for this and nothing we could have done short of tying him up and keeping him away from all sharp things in this hellscape of a District could have stopped him," Lux said right away, to their defense. "Which only would have made him more miserable."

"Fine, then just do it!" Anakyn said, throwing up his hands. "You keep Em confined like that anyway. Then we could have let him see everything he has!"

"He couldn't have been saved!" June said, as more tears filled her eyes. "If you're saying he should have kept on trucking then you're being selfish, you obviously don't understand everything he was fighting against. I've been through an Arena too and even that shit is enough to justify making brain stew of the floor, let alone whatever else he had going on."

"June," said Riggs right away, trying to bar away the memories of the Arena as this was starting to spark his own trauma.

"Well he shouldn't have done this to us!" Tessa burst, the tears rolling down her cheeks. "We all needed him and we're not the only ones! We were his family!"

"Who is anyone here to have stopped him from what he wanted?" Jo asked, looking at Camellia and Malloy and her heart just breaking at how… Lost they looked. Camellia was no doubt thinking about everything she had to do for Kodi – who actually seemed to be improving. Why couldn't Numi have been the same? What did she do differently – what did anyone do differently?

"His friends, and some of us his guardians!" said Ani, letting out a bitter sob as Helen just kept rubbing his back, her eyes streaming with tears at this point seeing how much pain he was in.

"People who cared about him," Malloy agreed, shaking his head because he was still trying to wrap his head around it.

"We could have done more to keep him from feeling so alone," said Trap, and Camellia was nodding into Malloy's leg. So many different thoughts were coming out at once and there were expressions of pain, loss, and confusion around the circle.

"I think that's your cue, Prima." People were talking back and forth, while Stellan and Kat were silent and halfway dissociated staring at the wall.

Vos cleared her throat and then quickly pulled her instrument to her lap, strumming softly at first. Some people looked up, so she strummed the second phrase a little louder.

"I'm not ready," said Trap, the one who asked her to be here, and balled his fists. "Wait."

"Why are… There so many… Songs about rainbows, and what's on the other side?"

She was met with a quiet room, all of them looking at her as she was singing and playing her banjo. "Rainbows… Are visions… And also… Illusions. And rainbows have nothing to… Hide."

The anger was fading from the friends' faces hearing the familiar song – a favorite of his family and himself alike. Jo could see Malloy just barely holding on and went over to kneel in front of both of her partners and hold them.

"So we've been told and some choose to believe it. But I know they're wrong… Wait… And see."

Jace felt around for Trap, standing and gently pulling him up so that he could wrap his arms around him, knowing that this was more difficult for him than he ever wanted to let on. Tessa was inconsolably crying and Jill squeezed her hand. Coda made eye contact with her for a moment before she gestured him over to Stellan and Kat. He looked nervous over his shoulder for a moment, not sure how he was even going to be strong for them, before Jun broke from his place to follow. He understood how decisions could impact people and lives as well as the rest of them. He'd made plenty of decisions like that in his career and regretted each one.

"Someday we'll find it… The rainbow connection… The lover, the dreamers… And me."

The truth was that it was nobody's fault. Trying to rationalize and explain and point fingers was only going to tear them apart more and that wasn't what he would have wanted for any of them. There were so many complicated emotions that had been repressed and held back and all of them coming out at once in so many people that cared about each other so much.

Maggie went over, smiling when Indy scooted a little bit for her to share a chair with him, safely between him and Chica. Maggie hummed a little bit, and upon the key change, she provided a light soprano harmony on top of Vos's melody as she was still strumming quietly, laying her head on Chica's shoulder who was tearing up from hearing Vos sing and the perfect song choice and just… Everything. Pride, grief, empathy…

When the song was over, the room was silent for a moment.

"We can live on what-ifs forever, but it's never going to do any good," Monty said quietly, watching how they were all hugging and supporting each other – from the trio all the way to Stellan hugging Coda for dear life with face pressed into his shoulder. "A terrible tragedy has taken someone that was loved," he said, looking around at them all. "The only thing to be done now is support each other through the mourning process and try to make good out of it." Easier said than done, he knew because he was going through it with his own friends right now.

"He's right," Jill said, looking along the group and keeping Tessa safely under her arm who was still unable to speak. She looked over at Stellan and Kat and could see a deep guilt on their faces that hadn't existed before – or not for a long time. "We want to band together so we don't fall apart."

"No point in anyone blaming themselves or each otha now," Indy said, one hand held by both of Monty's in his lap and the other holding Maggie's as he was leaning his head on her arm.

"It's all from a place of love and a huge gaping hole in our hearts," Jace said, focusing on his breathing as he was petting Trap's hair and just holding him.

"We feel the loss just as deeply as you," Kat said, squeezing Jun's shoulder in gratitude that he came over to support her. "Don't ever question that."

"Tears me apart," said Stellan softly. "But I'm glad that you are all here to share in my grief by my side. There's little I'll regret more than what happened."

"You probably couldn't have even stopped it," Malloy said, because he knew deep inside how Numi was suffering. There was a quiet murmur of agreement from the crowd as he let out a heavy sigh into Jo's shoulder.

"Thank you for that," Kat said, smiling at Trap who probably arranged it and Vos. She had a beautiful voice and Kat was a little surprised she didn't volunteer to sing at the wedding. "It was just perfect."

"Is there anything else anyone wants to say?" Stellan asked, looking around the solemn circle of friends.

"We're happy for the memories we did get to make with him," Riggs said, feeling like he should put that out there. "We loved to play card games and his sense of humor was so dry, and when he made a quip it would catch everyone off guard and make them crack up."

"Yeah, he was a great kid," Gian said, looking around at everyone that was taking this loss so deeply. "We're glad to have known him even if it was just a little while."

"The smallest while," said Prentice, tagging on because they all said it best and he didn't know what to say.

"He was family to us." Camellia forced herself to sit up, even though it felt like her heart had been torn open again. She hadn't felt like this since she lost Syca and even though she had Malloy and Jo here this time for her, she still felt like she was burning alive. Nothing was helping. She was hurting so deeply and it felt like she would never be okay again. More tears came from her eyes – a pressure and pain of a crying headache beginning to dully press on the front of her forehead. "He shared himself with us," she croaked out quietly through her tears. "His childhood, his siblings, his parents. Things that he missed, things he loved, things that he lost. Traditions they carried. Scars he wore on the outside and in." He was so open with them, yet so closed. "I'll never forget them. I'll never forget him." That made her bandmates nod and Maggie lean more into Indy in agreement.

"We grew up together and he always did his best," Ani said quietly, not even caring who was listening. He had been holding it in so long, spending all his time on missions to distract himself from the truth. But he couldn't run from it anymore. "I'll never be ready to let go. But I will always miss him." He wasn't sure he was ready to say it, but he was realizing he didn't have another choice. "Goodbye NumiMouse," he said softly, feeling a deep and shattering pain within at hearing himself say it out loud.

"I'm going to miss you Squirt," Trap added quickly, slightly muffled by Jace's shoulder. "We all love you so much and we are just fucking hurting without you." He was hurting so bad.

There was a long, grim silence. Silence of the mourners. A silence as cold as the winter wind.

When it became clear that nobody else had anything to say, Stellan cleared his throat. "Well… Before the end, he spent some time writing some letters. I've been holding onto them because…" He didn't even know. "I guess that some part of me was hoping I wouldn't ever need to give them to you." Some foolish part of him.

"We'll leave you to them," said June, figuring that they were for the special ones and giving a salute through her tears. "It's clear that he was well-loved til the very end."

"Abundantly," said Riggs, giving them all a pained smile and looking at Camellia. For a moment he felt like he should ask her if she was alright, but when Gian pulled him a little bit, he followed him out the door.

"Me too," Jun said, anxious to excuse himself and have a moment alone – and then maybe to Bonnie's just to have someone to talk through all of this with. "But if we have a service for him after this is over, I would like to play that etude."

"I'm sure we'll want your expertise," Wolf said with a small smile.

"Us too," Piccolo said, looking at Lux who was still taking deep breaths. "Let's go for a walk," she said, glad to have him here to support her.

"Sure thing kid," Lux said with a small smile, looking at the group and then waving to them as they filed out.

"You all going to be okay?" Monty asked as he looked at everyone crying and holding each other.

"Yes," said Stellan, trying to hold it together as he nervously flagged through the letters in his hands.

"Thank you, Monty," Kat said, smiling at the man because he was just so nice and good.

"Thank you," Trap said, going over to Vos and giving her a hug as his tears continued to fall, stinging the dry skin of his cheeks on the way down. "It was perfect."

"Oh," said Vos, patting his back with her good arm. "It was my pleasure, Mista."

"You going to be alright Sweetie?" Chica asked, holding Maggie's face with a friendly concern. After all, she was the Mom of the group.

"Yes," Maggie said, taking a smooth breath and providing a teary smile. "Thank you. Go."

Chica nodded and when Trap released Vos, she held her hand out to her and together they walked slowly on the way back to their compartment, Monty close behind, but…

Indy bit his lip for a moment, looking at Maggie, and at Jo who was still with two partners, and around at the group who had all made small little support pods for each other. He released Monty's hand and shooed him along. "You go. I'm stayin'."

Monty hesitated, but he knew that Indy wasn't going to be convinced so he just gave him a smile. "Alright," he said with a proud smile as Indy went back to stay by Maggie's side.

"Want an arm?"

"Yeah," said Maggie, grabbing his arm right away for some support. "Thank you," she said quietly. They knew each other. He knew that she needed someone there for her. She didn't know how he knew, but… He knew.

"Alright, kids," Stellan said, his voice shaking as he flipped through the papers, which he had swapped around nervously so many times – from age, to alphabetical, to… The most likely groups they would all be in. "They're yours. You can do what you want with them once you get them. Read them now, later, never…" He still wasn't sure he wanted to read his own.

The letters for his Dad, his siblings, and Alchemy still sat safely on Stellan's dresser in the compartment that was labelled as his that he never went into, let alone slept in. He delivered the trio's first, in a stack that he handed to Jo who held onto them with two partners in shambles. Then, he crossed to Jace and Trap.

"I'm sorry for yelling Cap," he said in a small and broken voice.

Stellan gave him a deeply pained smile. "It's fine," he said. Probably deserved. "Let me know if you want someone to read yours out loud," he said to Jace, because it was clear that Trap wasn't stable enough to do it.

He went over to Maggie and gave Indy a smile as he gave her an envelope. "Thank you for everything you and your family has done for us."

"Familia," Indy said, smiling a little bit with pride as he looked toward where Monty had gone with the girls, hoping that they were taking care of him – and Vos, mostly Vos actually. But still, Monty too. "Mi hermana is now part of it," he said, gently putting his head on Maggie's for a second.

Stellan just smiled at both of them before he went over to Anakyn who was fidgeting with a little device in his hands – the same one he'd been fidgeting with so much lately, even in the compartment while getting ready for his wedding. "For you," he said, holding out the envelope which read AniCat.

"Thanks," he said quietly, staring at it for a moment and not sure he was ready.

Then Stellan crossed over to his sister who was with Tessa and Coda. He smiled a little bit at them all even though it felt impossible.

"Stellan I'm so sorry," Tessa choked out in a small quiet voice, and he just shook his head as he handed his sister the letters for Tessa and Coda.

"Don't. I understand."

"Still," she said, not used to reacting like this to things… But it was just grief. It was doing things to her that she never could have imagined. Beating her down a little bit.

"Never mind it," Stellan said, gently patting her head before he had only two letters left in his hands and went back over to Kat who was just watching them all with a face that was hard to read – almost completely numb. "Here's yours," he said.

"Have you opened yours?" she asked him softly as she reached out to take it.

Stellan shook his head a little bit. "Not yet."

Kat took a deep breath. "You ready to?"

Stellan looked around at all of them, and then back over at her. "I'm ready if you are."

Kat had tears streaming down her face. "Together?"

"Always, Ekaterina," he said softly, and they put their fingers under the seal and opened their envelopes.

For Da Man, The Ultimate Dude, Wolf.

Hi Stellan.

He laughed and his eyes sprung with tears as he read the first part of Numi's letter to him. The more he read, the more he just… Felt like he didn't deserve to have an artifact from him like this.

I'm sure when it's all said and done, you will look back with regrets. I know what it's like to lose like you never imagined before. The truth is that nothing you say or do is going to change my mind, and it's a truth I wish everyone would learn sooner rather than later.

No. He just couldn't help but think there would be something.

Regardless, I know you always had my back and wanted to help me. Thank you for doing what you could to keep me alive this long. For this I can repay you by helping, by doing something good for this world. It's all I ever wanted and you are helping bring this dream to life. Though I was rash, you protected me and sheltered me. You allowed me to meet people I never would have imagined being friends with, and they became so important to me. It's all because of you. The world IS going to become a better place because of you, whether the war is won or lost.

At least I have become better because of you. So have they. So have many others, I'm sure. And I love you, and appreciate your hunger for justice. You're not the only one that's hungry.

Semper veritas.

Numitor Demetriou-Lawrence, signing out.

Wolf looked over at Kat for a moment, who was still reading as he had skimmed his over so fast, his heart was pounding and he reached up to wipe his snot, taking a few shaking breaths.

For the drill sergeant pseudo Mom.

Hi Kat.

She had to reach up to blink tears away as she read Numi's words to her – detailing his favorite memories shared with the whole group, and one or two with just her in those few moments when they were the only ones awake, or she was set to tend to him. This poor boy was failed by the system, hell, failed by everyone…

It's been a long time since I had a mom. Well, if we based things on height and probably also age, probably more like a big sister. Actually I don't even remember how old you are? Are you thirty? I feel like you're thirty. Anyways, I digress.

It's been a long time since I had a figure like you. Q always tries his best but it's never really the same. I'm sure you've heard the same from others before, but I needed you when you were there, always. You always knew when the right time and place was that I needed you. That's something that not a lot of people could do for me. For that I'm eternally grateful. Sincerely, thank you. You will do such great things for other lost boys like myself, and probably already are. It's hard to communicate my gratitude in the form of written word, but I know that you've been holding onto every hug since you found out the plan. I have too. That's really the only way I can show you how much I appreciate everything. I'm going to put everything into the last one, okay? Hopefully I could make it memorable for you.

Truly grateful for everything.

Semper fortis.

From, Numitor

"Yeah," Kat said. "Fuck him," she said quietly because of course she remembered that last hug, she could feel it. She knew that it was going to be the last one and she knew that it was also the best one. She was trying so hard to do good and that really made her feel like she was succeeding.

She looked around, and saw Anakyn curled up, for once Helen the one to hug him from behind and be support to him as he was holding his letter.

To the man, the myth, the legend, escort extraordinaire.

Hi AniCat.

With quivering hands and teary eyes he read the beginning of the letter – the awkward greeting, the gratefulness for the support he always showed when they grew up together, the games they used to play while their parents were talking about adult things in the other room. Thinking of those memories hurt so bad, he felt like his chest was splayed open, beating heart revealed, bleeding, and it felt unending. He had felt grief before when losing tributes. But never ever like this.

My parents strived to bring about change in this way, before they were killed. As a child I didn't understand why they could possibly put their lives at risk to do such a thing. I thought them to be selfish. Not thinking of us, who they were leaving behind. The feeling only got worse when I lost them. But then as I got older I realized. They WERE thinking of us. They were ALWAYS thinking of us. They were ALWAYS wanting a world where we could live in peace, and not be in danger. They were ALWAYS wanting a world that takes care of people rather than sell them out and throw them away. After everything I experienced, I UNDERSTAND now.

I'm sure you probably think that right now – maybe you do or don't. But I'm thinking about my FAMILY. Aristotle and Trixie, Alchemy and Sorcery and Wiz. I'm thinking about YOU, and HELEN, and however many adorable babies you make together (GROSS! Don't wanna think about that anymore!). What kind of world will THEY have? That's what I'm thinking about.

We are angels. We always will be with you. Just don't let go or forget too fast. I love you.

Semper mihi scutum.

Love, NumiMouse.

Anakyn's tears fell onto the paper and he quickly moved it away. Helen folded it back up nicely, swaying him a little bit as he could barely hold it together and pressed his face into his knees.

I love you too, Numi, he thought, in the moment unable to say it out loud.

"Let's see if he's a good writer," Indy said, and Maggie was leaning against him as she opened her letter from him. It was a little shorter than the others, as they didn't have quite as long to get to know each other considering she was only in the bunker sporadically. But she still felt honored to be included.

To the future assassin of the president slash coup-starter.

Hi Maggie.

Maggie laughed through her tears as she read through the beginning few paragraphs about how much he liked getting to know her and how different she was from what the Capitolites that surrounded him.

And you are also different, Maggie, from who you USED to be. Time changes all of us. Some, like me, for the worse. And some for the better. Some use the pain and passing of time to beat themselves down. And some… Some use that pain and use it to make themselves grow. You took the ugly things that happened to you and used it to evolve and grow. I tried to do it at first and then just gave up. But you seem like the type to never give up, and you SHOULDN'T. NEVER give up. Go in there tomorrow and be proud to be the one that fires that shot. Don't let your hands shake. Don't let your conscience fool you. You're the one that's going to bring the most change that this country's ever seen.

That's enough for this restless warrior.

Semper est.

-Numitor

"Oh that's poetic," Indy said with a nod as he rubbed her shoulder.

"He quoted the song," Maggie said with a tiny teary laugh.

"Ooooh, I got it now," Indy said as she folded the paper. "You did do all that. You should be proud, hermana."

Maggie blinked a few times, but a warm feeling lived in her chest.

"I am proud."

"Are you sure you're ready?" Jo asked quietly as she saw Malloy reaching over to open his. "Are you sure?"

"No," Malloy said, swallowing a little bit.

"You don't have to read them today," Jo told them softly when Camellia sat up, trying to wipe her eyes and get it together.

"I do," Malloy said, because if he didn't do it now while the wound was still open… He would close the wound and never do it. He wouldn't ever want to reopen it again. He took a deep, quivering breath, and then wiped his eyes so that he could read.

To the big ol' teddy bear, everyone's big brother, the one I thought I killed and had nightmares about and still have nightmares about even though I know I didn't quite succeed in killing you.

Hi Todd.

He couldn't help but smile just a little bit at that typical dark, dry humor from him. He actually had a bit of a fond feeling when he read the writing, almost forgetting for a moment why the letter was written and just letting himself enjoy and laugh about all the crazy things that happened while they were together. Until the deep feeling of grief set in when he continued.

Even though I stabbed you to a point of near-death, you never held it against me (no idea how). I am so glad that I got to know you outside of this setting. A lot of tributes say they wish they could meet outside the Arena, and I actually got the honor of just that. You took good care of me at all times just like you take great care of the girls. You held the group together when they NEEDED you. You would never be called the leader but without you there would BE no family. I have a feeling it's something you've done before, and probably will do again.

I never had a single doubt that you cared about me as a person. I don't say that to a lot of people. I appreciate that more than you could ever know. You don't KNOW that our last hug will be our last, but… Well, I shouldn't say that. You probably will now.

I know.

Semper amicus.

Love, Numi

Malloy shook his head as he quickly close the letter, putting his head in the crook of his elbow with a few choked sobs. And Camellia didn't look much better as she was already sobbing just looking at the letter from him.

To the ultimate big sister, the chocolate-lover, the outspoken leader of the group.

Hi Camellia.

"Hi," she said quietly through her tears, practically on an instinct as she was reading through his words – so eloquent and well-written. She was crying like a mess through his recounting the happy times, the good memories, the family time, the laughs, the weekend where Jo stayed over and the trio had crazy wild sex a whole day while he had to hide away with headphones on…. But it all just hurt her more now.

I will make sure to give Syca a HUGE hug for you and tell him how much you LOVE him, how much you STILL think about him. We'll spend long nights together thinking about the family and talking about all the amazing reasons why you are the best big sister. I hope he's not jealous of me saying that. He seems so nice.

I know I could never fill the void he left in your heart. And yet you managed to fill a void in MY heart I didn't even think I had. Something I really needed and had no idea I needed until I met you. Thank you. I will miss your big hugs. I will never stop appreciating them, and everything else. I hope that other boys, girls, and in-betweens are so lucky as to feel your love.

They are lucky indeed.

Semper amandum.

Love, Numi

Camellia thought about the others she was able to take under her wing and she felt that deep pain and grief, and yet on top of it… A little warmth, and pride. Despite herself.

"Good?" asked Jo, looking at them both who nodded in response despite all their tears. "Good," she said softly, messing a little bit with the letter with her name on it, a little confused as to why she had one at all.

To the girl that never asked to be on this adventure, and put her whole heart and soul into it anyway.

Hi Jo.

Jo nodded a little bit as she skimmed along. The letter was a little shorter as she didn't know him quite as well from such sporadic visits. She smiled as quiet tears came down her cheeks and she had to blink them away every once in a while to read.

I know that we didn't know each other the best but I just wanted to say thank you for everything you do for the whole group. Camellia and Malloy of course in particular. They are very important people to me and I don't know how they would survive without you. All the way back when we were first meeting he was talking about you and her both. Please take good care of them. Don't let them cry too much for me. Remind them that it's not their fault – the opposite as they made me LIKE living. The whole group did.

I'll give Raoul a big hug for you.

Semper adminicular.

-Numi

Jo almost wished he hadn't written that in as it brought back a new wave of grief for her brother that she lost, but she held it back and had to be strong for the other two right now, just like he said. She looked around, and found Trap and Jace huddled together. When she saw Malloy and Camellia wanting to be left alone for a moment, she went over to them.

"Want me to read them to you?" she asked Jace quietly, touching his knee softly.

"Oh," Jace said, swallowing his tears. "Yes, please," he said softly, holding the envelope out to her, which was upside down, and Jo took it.

"Sure," she said, taking another deep breath and swallowing down some tears as she started to read.

"To my mentee despite being older than me, one that will never let anything stop him except for an army of rabid bees.

Hi Jace."

Jace was unreadable as Jo read the first couple paragraphs about their time in the Capitol together, their time in the bunker, and a few inside jokes that Jo didn't understand that Jace still laughed at anyway. She paused and took a deep breath as she was reaching the end, but continued reading quietly.

"When we first met, I never wanted to underestimate you. As someone that WAS underestimated so often and for so long, I understand the feeling. That's the last feeling I wanted you to have. But I was underestimating MYSELF, my ability to do anything to HELP you. God knows I WANTED to help you, I was just so clueless and lost I might have made an ass about myself. Regardless of how unhelpful I was, and blowing up at your Games party and leaving you on your own (thank you to Ani for stepping in for you, I don't know what I would have done if he didn't), you were always happy to see me, and I am grateful for your forgiveness for my many shortcomings. There are a lot. Like, a LOT.

Anyways, I was so happy to see you come in. I wanted to do what was good for you despite being younger and totally clueless. Even if it wasn't because of ME, at least it happened for you anyways. I know Trap is going to take this impossibly hard so please support him, if Trap is reading this to you then just relax. It's going to be okay."

Trap cried out a little bit and Jo patted Jace's leg a few times.

"Semper verus amicus.

Yours, Numi"

Jace smiled and opened his arms, leaning toward Jo who leaned in and gave him a hug as he was crying. "Thank you Jo."

"Anything for you," she said, and she meant it. Camellia and Malloy's people were by association her people. She looked at Trap who was crying to himself. "Want me to read yours too?" she asked, and it was only half a joke.

Trap thought about it, before hugging his letter to his chest. "No!" he said, sniffing a little bit. "Thanks."

Jo squeezed his arm a little bit. "Let me know what you need," she said, before going back to sit with her partners, letting Malloy be in the middle of them.

"Time to be brave," Jace said, putting an arm around him and taking a deep breath.

"Yeah," Trap said, taken back to that conversation and clearing his throat as he slowly opened the letter. Brave. He took another deep breath as he started to read quickly.

To the lover, the dreamer, the sharer of spiked cider,

Hi Trap.

Trap's breath caught and he sniffled as he squeezed more tears out of his eyes and breathed in. "I'm so sorry I failed you," he said, as he skimmed through the beginning part, the memories of the two of them trying to figure out advanced math together in the bunker and having big philosophical debates about it. But his heart stopped for a moment when his eyes met the next lines.

You loved me so well and I don't want you to feel like it was a failure on your part. You did everything you could for me. I know that you gave it your all – you give your all to EVERYONE. It's why you even ended up on that stage in the first place. You were just giving it all to the wrong people. But now you're giving everything you have for the RIGHT people. People that love you and will take CARE of you. Just like you took care of me. That's the thing about this tragedy that is AMAZING.

But now I know you're going to need them to take care of YOU. And that's okay, we all need someone to take care of us sometimes. Just don't keep pushing them all away. Let them help you, that's the brave thing to do after all this time and struggle. There is something about vulnerability that is brave, and strong. Don't be afraid.

It's going to be okay.

Thank you so much for everything. You made me feel understood.

Semper utilia.

Love, Squirt

Trap read the words, and then he quickly dropped the letter, falling over on Jace as the sobs racked his body and he felt so weak. But in his weakness… There was a strength.

Jace was steady and held him and rubbed his back. It was the least he could do for his one and only. His forever.

Meanwhile, the last group was also taking the longest to open their letters as Jill was talking to them both quietly.

"Another time?" Jill asked, still holding Tessa while Coda was staring at the paper in his hands. Hearing her voice, he quickly shook his head and ripped the envelope quickly, accidentally ripping the letter a little bit.

"Fuck," he said, before he pulled it out quickly, needing to just pull of the band-aid, and get it over with. "Now."

"I'm trying," Tessa said quietly, and Jill looked at her and then at Coda in concern as he read.

To the spitfire everyone expected to keel over, that took care of his girl until the end and past it.

Hi Coda.

"Who starts a letter like that?" he grumbled to himself, doing anything to try to hide his grief.

He read the first few paragraphs somewhat slowly, trying to control his reaction and hold in his grief. Paragraphs about growing up, time spent together, chaos with the older kids and the younger kids being equally disgusted and intrigued. But when he saw her name, his eyes skimmed so fast down to the rest of the page.

You like to play it tough, but we can't all be tough all the time. You've seen so much shit for your age and you're still kicking. Well, with one leg. Haha. Okay, I'm done now.

It started with Henley. Someone who we all thought didn't stand a single chance. Someone that the Capitol was holding their breath for and waiting to die because she had seizures. And yet, here comes the tough guy, not there to make friends, and yet that's what you did. You protected her and took care of her until you physically couldn't anymore. I'm sure that she was glad for you there. You gave her some hope she didn't have before. Friendship. A hella good last few days.

And you gave ME the same. Hope, friendship… A hella good last few days. It's better that nobody knew what they were. It helped me really live it up for the entire time.

Hopefully nobody else dies that you're close to, I can only hope that my sacrifice could possibly spare a single one of them. Make them all come back home and stay safe out there. Just know that for what you did, I'm eternally grateful. And I'm sure she was too. I understand it now. Being tough is cool and you're good at it, but you're also good at being a friend. So keep doing it.

Thank you.

Semper igneum.

Yours, Numi

"You're welcome," Coda said blankly, before he took a shuddering breath. Fuck, he did it. That was so painful. It would never stop being painful, just like hers. "Well, that's going to give me plenty of material to cry about tonight."

"Yeah…" Tessa said in a quiet squeak, wiping her eyes and sitting up as she played with her paper in her hands. She was so mad at him still, deep inside. She missed him still so much. He meant more to her than she thought he ever knew. But she had to do it onw or else she would regret it every coming second. "Stay with me please."

"I'll always be here for you girl," Jill said to her, wiping her cheeks a little bit. "You can do it."

"I can do it," Tessa said, sniffing and wiping her eyes as she pulled the letter. Jill put her chin on Tessa's shoulder to read over her back.

To my ally-turned-best-friend turned horrible regret on my end turned best friend turned sister.

Tessa… I'm so sorry Tessa. I've written a few letters so far and this one has hurt me the most. I think it's because of our friendship always being in turmoil. We allied, and became friends when we weren't supposed to. I thought I LOST you. I mourned you. Then I FOUND you. And you FOUND me. And then we got to be closer than ever. No threats to our lives, right? No more games, no more barriers…

Then now YOU'RE going to lose ME. And it's my OWN fault. Don't blame anyone else. I knew what I signed up for. I denied them the chance to save me purposefully. I wanted them to spare supplies and manpower on those who really wanted to be saved.

But that doesn't mean I don't feel like SHIT for doing this to you. Right when we actually found each other. Right when you put down all your walls, thought you would never lose me, and I you, and we became the bestest of friends, even when I was away from everything I cared about.

God, I'm so fucking sorry Tessa. I'm so sorry. I don't know how I can even sit here and ask you to move on.

"I don't know either," Tessa said to herself. She took a deep breath and Jill hugged her from behind, encouraging her to keep going, supporting her and making her strong. She squeaked with tears but tried to hold them back and keep them together through the rest of the letter. She read about the good times, the positive things, the things that he wanted her to remember forever so much he wrote them down.

Not that she would have forgotten anyways when she had lost him. She didn't know that was their final goodbye. She didn't realize she had to remember every detail of his last hug… But she tried anyway.

She read until the very end, her sobs becoming louder and louder, reading the last sendoff he would ever writ to her with high-pithced sounds coming out of her mouth.

Semper sole.

Hugs, kisses, and love, Numi

She folded the letter when she was done, and though Jill wasn't finished she didn't complain about it and when Tessa hugged her tightly, she just hugged back and let her continue to cry. When Coda looked over, Jill opened an arm to him too and he joined in, wanting to comfort Tessa just like he did to Henley, just like he did for Numi.

Though they were all in pain, they all had a new sense of purpose. They grieved together through the night – and even going their separate ways, they were still grieving. It seemed to them that the grieving would be unending. It would heal with time, but never go away. They would always think of a memory and have that little pang of regret. They would survive, grow, they would learn to be happy with someone missing, but they would never be the same again.

They would grieve what they had lost forever.

Always.

~.~.

A/N: I knew this needed its own chapter. I was right. Four tissues and about three hours later and I am fucking Emo. Thanks past me for doing this to yourself. This is what you did.

Counter… Goes down? Stays the same? Fuck the counter, I don't even know anymore, I'm having a Partial Crisis.

Next Chapter – A homeless man and two Arguing Wee Lesbians get some much-needed aid, two bickering gays arrive at their destination with their precious (Victor) cargo, and the Molotov Moms are helped by a familiar-looking face.