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Why he had gone looking for Liv before he left Holly's wake, Major wasn't sure. Except that she was Liv, and she was where he turned every time things didn't make sense. Between Holly dying so suddenly and Jerome missing, it had been a hell of a week already, and he wanted to hold on to Liv and feel like things were going to be okay, if only for a moment.
Only then he turned the corner into Holly's den and found his worst nightmare in progress—Liv having a moment with one of Holly's crazy friends that looked like quiet intimacy. The kind of moment Major had wanted for himself, just the two of them, talking quietly. He swallowed down the stab of hurt he felt as best he could as Liv looked up and saw him, her mind still on whatever she and the good-looking dark-haired guy had been talking about.
"Oh. There you are," he said lamely. "I'm gonna take off."
To his surprise, Liv got to her feet, adjusting her purse over her shoulder.
"I just wanted to say good-bye," he told her, not wanting to interrupt. Well, of course he did want to interrupt, but he also wanted her to be happy, and if this was what it took, he was hardly in a position to complain that she was moving on.
After a moment of awkward silence, Liv said, "I'll walk you out." She left the guy without a word, which pleased Major, but surprised him even more. He wondered what the guy thought—but he didn't really care. As they headed out the door, Liv looked up at him, concern in her eyes. "You're leaving awfully early."
He forced a smile. "Yeah, I'm really bringin' down this wake." Major considered leaving it there, but he missed talking to her so much, he couldn't help letting his troubles pour out, if only just a little. "I can't stop thinking about Jerome. It's been over a week, he stopped texting …" They were next to his car now, but Liv was looking at him like she understood, that really listening look she had always been so good at, and he didn't want to give this up. It was the closest they had been in—far too long. And he was terrified for Jerome, in ways that he hadn't been able to make anyone else understand. They all thought Jerome was just another street kid, taking off whenever he felt like it, but he wasn't like that. He had been making real strides at Helton, he and Major had talked about his future, and he had been starting to feel like he really had one. He wouldn't have left this way, not just taking off without a word. "I—I think something happened to him."
Unlike everyone else he had said that to, Liv looked stricken at the thought. Without a word, she stepped forward and put her arms around Major, holding him close. He didn't want to go in for the hug, didn't want relax and let himself be comforted by her the way he had been since … the very beginning, because if once he closed his eyes and rested on her shoulder, how could he give her up again? But he needed this, needed her closeness and her understanding and her silent comfort. He let his eyes close, his hand stroking her back. She didn't smell quite right anymore, something under the perfume and the shampoo different than he remembered, but she felt the same, and he loved her as much now as he had the night she decided to go to that damned boat party.
Liv moved her hands, pressing his upper arms firmly, the comfort hug turning into her encouragement hug, and Major forced himself back to the present, little as he wanted to.
"He'll turn up," Liv said, as if she really believed it.
Major nodded. He didn't think it would happen—something in him was sure Jerome was dead, or if not dead, then on his way to it. But he appreciated Liv trying, and her certainty. He should have turned and left right then, but his big mouth ran off with him before he could. "I'm sorry if I … interrupted something back there," he said. Because he wanted to know if he had, and because he wanted her to know he could be okay with it. Because he wanted her to know that her happiness was important to him, even if they couldn't be together.
"What?" She looked genuinely confused, and he couldn't help smiling inwardly. She hadn't realized something had been going on, but it had. Major could tell. He was happy for her, but something in the sudden realization in her eyes, in the way she tripped over her next few words explaining that it was all about work because she had just figured out that it hadn't been, not really, told him that the door to their relationship was finally closing for good, and he wasn't ready.
But he had to be ready. He had Corinne, after all, for all that she wasn't Liv, and he needed Liv to know they could be friends even if they couldn't be more. Because not being Liv's husband was bad enough, but not being Liv's friend was unthinkable. "It's bound to happen someday," he told her. And then he did turn to get into his car. Little as he wanted to drive away from her, if they were going to be friends he had to learn to take what he could get and be glad for it, and to stop clinging to thoughts of what could have been but was never going to be. This was better than it had been in a long time, and he was going to be grateful for that, and for Liv's support, if it killed him.