CW: Reference to past child abuse.
Chapter 2: The Hawk and the Widow Pt. 2
The flight back to the Triskelion took a little more than 9 hours, mostly because a Quinjet flew faster than commercial air and they didn't need to file a flight plan if they stayed in stealth mode. Coulson monitored the autopilot for the first half of the trip so Clint could get some sleep. He had napped in the car while they were waiting for their target to show, but Clint had been awake for almost 2 days straight.
Their 'prisoner' was restrained in the quinjet's brig. Clint had tried to make her restraints as comfortable as possible so she could sleep if she wanted. Natalia had shown no desire to sleep during the flight, but her exhaustion had gotten the better of her a few times and she had dozed fitfully for a few hours out of he trip, never more than a half hour or so at a time. She was awake now and refusing to respond to any of Clint's attempts to engage her in conversation. He couldn't blame her. They had told her they were going to help her, but she had no reason to believe them. Clint was pretty sure she had only agreed to come with them because she was more afraid of whatever was going to be done to her by her own people than the unknown that awaited her with them. She had been offered a slim chance at escape and had decided to take it, even if it turned out to be another lie.
Clint was also reasonably certain that if she had wanted to get out of her restraints and the cell she was held in, she could have done so at any time. Staying where she was put was the closest thing to a show of good faith that she was capable of giving. Natalia didn't trust them in the slightest, which was fair since they didn't trust her either. Her stone-faced mask was back in full effect and hadn't budged since the moment Clint closed the door on her. Even her eyes were muted, the only thing he was able to detect there was the faintest hint of apprehension. And, honestly, if she wasn't worried about her situation Clint would be more worried about her. It was a human response, and it told him more than anything else about her that there was a person in there behind the mask, and not just a mindless killing machine. She had managed to keep enough of herself that Clint was hopeful she could come back from it and be her own person again. Coulson had assured him SHIELD had the resources to break the programming that had been forced into her, but he had no idea what it entailed. The only thing Phil could tell him was that it was a long, grueling process and it wouldn't be a pleasant experience. That was probably the source of her apprehension, he realized, she had a better idea of what lay ahead of her than he did.
Coulson had radioed ahead and told Fury directly that they were returning with a prisoner. The director had made a show of chewing them out for it, but Clint could swear he heard something almost like pride in Fury's voice. The whole time Fury was berating them Coulson just sat there with something that had aspirations of being a smile on his face.
"Why do I have the feeling Fury knew there was a possibility this could happen and prepared for it?" Clint asked him after Fury signed off.
"Because you're probably right." Coulson replied, "Fury insisted that you be sent on this op. No one else. Out of all our field agents, you were deemed most likely to spot it if there was any chance at salvaging the Black Widow."
"Her name is Natalia." Clint shot back on reflex.
"Exactly my point." Coulson pointed out, "You took exactly the right tack with her and I've known you long enough to know that it wasn't a calculated move on your part. You did it automatically. You got through to her because you didn't act like you were interrogating her. And I think that confused her enough to get a genuine response out of her."
"Phil," Clint said in a serious tone, "When I told her what year it was it got a genuine reaction out of her. For the whole conversation up to that point she was showing me what she thought I wanted to see. But her response to that information was real. I heard her whisper 'four years', and I don't think she meant for me to hear it. That girl has four years of her life that she either doesn't remember at all or remembers very little of. If whatever they did to her runs so deep that she can't remember what she's done, she's not responsible for her actions. And she definitely doesn't deserve to die for things she didn't choose to do."
"You're being assigned a punishment detail when we get back." Coulson said unexpectedly, "Regardless of whether it was the right thing to do, you disobeyed orders. We can't let that slide." He just let it hang there for a few seconds. When Clint didn't respond he continued, "However, I don't think you're going to mind your assignment. You're going to be keeping an eye on our wayward spider. Indefinitely. You made the call to bring her in, so she's your responsibility. We both know you're invested in what happens to her."
"What happens to her if she decides she doesn't want to join SHIELD?" Clint asked seriously, "We can't force her to. That wouldn't be much better than what she's already been through. She'd just be trading one master for another."
"I don't know," Coulson answered honestly, "That's above my paygrade."
"I won't allow her to be executed." Clint said adamantly, "If she doesn't want to join we need to figure something else out. I didn't make that call just so she could be killed later."
"I hope it doesn't come to that." Coulson replied seriously, "But that's not my call to make. And don't forget, if we can't break her conditioning enough to let her live a normal life it might be the kinder option."
Clint didn't respond to that but he knew Coulson was right, much as he hated it. Spending the rest of your life with no real control over your own actions? That was no way to live. He walked back to the brig area to sit down across from their prisoner. She turned her head to face him as he sat and didn't bother to hide her scrutiny.
"You killed four men in less than twenty seconds with a bow." Natalia surprised him by stating, "Three were dead in the first ten seconds, and you took the time to taunt their leader into giving you the target you wanted so you could make a statement. Cocky, but impressive."
"Glad you enjoyed the show." he quipped back and was rewarded with the barest flicker of a smirk, "Didn't realize you were still with it enough to catch all that. You're tougher than you look."
He didn't get a response, so he decided to get on with what had brought him back here.
"Okay. When we land," he told her, "You're going to be manacled and under heavy guard while you're escorted to medical so a doctor can do a better job on your leg. I'm not the best at field medicine so all I could do is make sure you didn't bleed out. You'll be given fluids to help with the blood loss. The fact that you're awake and looking at me means you don't need a transfusion." She gave him a quick nod to verify that she understood, so Clint continued, "After that you'll be taken to a relatively comfortable cell to await interrogation. It will just be questioning, no torture. I don't know anything about what's going to happen with the deprogramming, but Coulson let it slip that it's going to suck for you. I'm sorry about that."
"Why do you care?" Natalia asked him with her brow furrowed in confusion, "Yesterday I was your enemy and you were to kill me. Today you are telling me what is to happen so I am less anxious about it. And your sympathy seems to be genuine, unless you are a talented liar. Why?"
"I was in a shit situation myself once." Clint explained, deciding to go with complete transparency, "My early life sucked. I had an alcoholic and abusive father who beat me so badly I lost most of my hearing. When I was ten, my brother and I ran away to the circus. We had no idea at the time the circus was a front for a crime ring, and before we knew it we had gotten swept up in it. By day I performed in the circus as their marksman, that's where I got the name Hawkeye. It was my circus act billing. But at night I was out in whatever town we were in performing whatever tasks my mentor lined up for me. Sometimes it was just thievery, other times he wanted someone killed. I didn't like it, but I felt indebted to him so I did it. After a while Coulson put two and two together and connected the bodies turning up with arrows in them to the circus that had been through each location recently. He caught up to me in Portland, Oregon with a team of agents and offered me a choice; Join SHIELD or go to prison. Eight years later, here I am."
"Why tell me all that?" Natalia wondered, "What do you have to gain by telling me about yourself?"
Clint gave her a shrug and counted off with his fingers, "One, because I thought you might be able to relate to it. Two, none of that is classified information, so I'm free to share it with whoever I want. And three, because it answered your question. Also, the part about my father isn't in my file, so you now know something about me that few others do."
"You care because you think we are not so different." the assassin stated, "But I assure you, we are very different."
"I think we both know what it's like to be forced to do things you don't want to do." Clint argued, "There's not a lot of practical difference between not having a choice and being made to feel like you don't have a choice. It's the same result in the end."
She just watched him with an appraising look, "If you think that is going to make me trust you, you are wrong."
Clint chuckled at the blunt statement, "No, trust is earned. But you actually want to know the answers to the questions you're asking, so it's a good start. I'm trusting you with information I don't share often, because trust is a two-way street. I haven't lied to you yet, have I?"
"Not that I can tell." Natalia offered, "But you can read me when most people cannot, so you might be able to lie to me as well."
"You got lucky it was me that was sent after you." he told her honestly, "Another agent probably wouldn't have hesitated to pull the trigger and then congratulated themselves for it. I think my superiors had an inkling that you weren't in control of your actions, so they sent me because they thought I had the best chance to see it if it was true. I kept the name Hawkeye as my callsign because I've earned it."
"You are good at your job." the redhead admitted sarcastically, "I feel less insulted that you had to rescue me now."
Clint was secretly pleased by her sarcasm. It was a sign that she still had a sense of humor underneath everything. And it was a good indication that she had enough of her mind under her control that her personality could shine through. He was feeling better about his decision to spare her by the minute.
When they landed it was exactly how Clint had told her it would go. When the guards boarded the Quinjet to take her, Natalia shot him a brief, unhappy look before cooperating with them. She was trying not to let it show but she really was a little nervous. The lead guard fastened a full body restraint around her waist that locked her arms to her sides. When it was securely in place the guards held onto chains at all four sides of her and led her down the ramp towards the infirmary.
Coulson came up beside Clint and nodded to him, "Go with her. You've developed a rapport with her, and it will probably go smoother if you're there. She doesn't trust anyone here, but she wants to trust you. She just can't bring herself to do it. She's at least not outright dismissing the idea that you might not be lying to her."
"I want to help her, Phil." he said, "She got dealt a shit hand, and probably has very little idea that there's more to life than what she's experienced. She really has no social skills aside from what's useful for manipulation, and she's so paranoid it hurts to watch. Whatever they did to her really fucked her up."
"You have a good heart." Coulson said, squeezing his shoulder in a rare show of affection, "That's what I saw in you back when you were about her age. I'm proud of you, Clint. You've come a long way."
"Thanks, Coulson." Clint said, genuinely touched. Coulson didn't offer praise often, but when he did he meant it.
Clint parted ways with Coulson and hurried to follow the clump of guards escorting his charge to the infirmary. He could hear the whispers of people they passed in the hallway, some incredulous, some hostile. He fixed a few of the more hostile people with a glare and they went quiet. When he caught up to the group he caught Natalia's eye and gave her an encouraging nod, trying to tell her she'd be okay without saying anything. She gave him a serious nod in return, accepting the reassurance he was offering, at least on the surface.
The visit to the infirmary was anticlimactic. The doctor examined Natalia's leg wound and declared that there wasn't much more she could do for it and whoever had patched her up had done a good job. Clint smirked slightly at the praise the doctor didn't realize she was giving him.
After the examination, Natalia looked at Clint with a puzzled expression, "Why are you still here? You have done your job and delivered me to your superiors."
"Coulson wanted me here because he thinks having someone at least a little familiar to you around might help you stay calm." he answered her, "He doesn't see a reason to stress you out more than necessary."
Nat looked at him thoughtfully for a few seconds before speaking again.
"He is not wrong." she finally admitted, "I don't trust you. But I do believe that you are sincere in not wanting to see me hurt. You have shown me more mercy than I have any right to expect. I wonder, what will you do if they order you to kill me?"
"I'll burn that bridge when I come to it." Clint told her, "I'll only do it if I'm convinced it's necessary. I won't kill someone just because I'm told to. We have a choice here."
The last was accompanied by a meaningful look. If she accepted the invitation to SHIELD she would have a choice too. Natalia gave a small nod in return. She understood what he was getting at.
Natalia was escorted by the same four guards to a small cell. As Clint had promised it was comfortable by imprisonment standards, with an actual mattress, a chair to sit in that was bolted to the floor, and lavatory facilities.
"I have to go to my debriefing now," Clint told the redhead teen, "I'll try to be back in a few hours but I can't make any promises. My boss said I'm going to be present for the interrogation process. He seems to think I'll be able to tell them if you're refusing to answer a question or are unable to."
Natalia just nodded at him brusquely and sat on the mattress to wait. She looked at ease, but Clint could tell by the set of her shoulders she was still wound tight as a spring. He couldn't blame her, she'd had a lot of crap thrown at her in a very short period of time.
When Clint arrived at Fury's office he considered what he had gotten himself into. Fury had insisted on doing his debrief personally, which was rare to say the least, he usually left it to Deputy Director Hill. Still, he had heard the undertone to Fury's voice on the comms that told him he wasn't nearly as angry as he was acting. That's why he had no qualms with starting the conversation as soon as the door latched.
"Did you know?" Clint demanded, "That she was brainwashed and not the one making the decisions?"
"Not for sure." Fury answered him with a look of warning, "I had my suspicions, but I didn't know for sure until you told Coulson what you were seeing."
"How did you know I wasn't going to just kill her?" Clint demanded again. He'd figured that Fury or Hill were probably listening to their comms chatter. And he'd also guessed that Coulson's pause before authorizing it was taken up by him getting authorization from Fury on a separate channel first.
"It would have been an acceptable outcome." the director informed him, "Whether dead or in our custody, they were both in the parameters for a successful mission. Good work, Barton. We sent a team in to clean up your mess, if you want your arrows back they were collected."
Clint was grateful for that but didn't bother to express it. It wasn't necessary and he hated debriefings, so he didn't drag them out any longer than he had to. He listened patiently as Fury outlined what his responsibility for their guest was going to entail. He was a little taken aback by the depth of it. He was essentially going to be confined to base at least until as much of her deprogramming as they felt they could safely do was complete. She would have to work through the remainder of it on her own, they couldn't go too deep without risking permanent damage to her mind. The remainder of the time he was to assist Natalia with her acclimation and, eventually, her training if she opted to join SHIELD. Fury didn't think she needed much training since she was already so accomplished at her young age, but she'd definitely need to learn how to work as part of a team. He also didn't know how much of her skillset was actually learned and how much was governed by her conditioning. There was the chance that she could have to relearn a few things. Clint was a little bemused by the realization that a good chunk of his assignment would consist of just talking to Natalia. He didn't mind that because he was starting to become a little fond of the girl. From the little bit of the real her he had glimpsed she was smart and snarky, and could definitely hold her own in a verbal sparring match. He liked and respected that about her. Finally, the debrief came to an end and Fury suggested that he take some time to get a bite to eat and relax a little.
Maria Hill was handling Natalia's questioning. Hill was no-nonsense and good at her job, but had a compassionate streak. She was also the youngest Deputy Director SHIELD had ever had and was eager to prove herself, Clint knew, not that she'd ever admit it. She was only a couple years older than him, but had caught Fury's eye early on and was tagged for a leadership position quickly. She had only been in her position for a few months and Clint was aware of how many sour grapes there were among the older agents she had been promoted over. Still, she was efficient and Fury delegated a lot of things to her that he'd otherwise have to do himself, so he clearly trusted her to get the job done.
Clint stopped outside the interrogation room door while he finished the sausage biscuit he'd acquired from the cafeteria. When he entered, he saw that Hill and Coulson had sat down across from where Natalia sat in manacles at a plain wooden table. There was an empty chair sitting next to the girl that Clint assumed was meant for him. Good plan, he realized, if he was sitting next to her it would give her the subconscious impression that she had someone on her side and he would be in position to stop her if she tried to attack or escape.
Hill looked up from her notes as he entered, "Good, now that her lawyer is present, we can begin."
She said it in a serious tone, but Clint knew from the slight arch in her eyebrow as she said it that she was messing with him. He walked to the chair next to Natalia and sprawled in it with one leg draped over the armrest, perfectly at ease. It wasn't comfortable, but the impression was important. He glanced over at her with a quick grin, "Hey."
Natalia clocked his relaxation as genuine, because it was, and relaxed a tiny bit herself. She still looked tense, but no longer seemed like she was ready to bolt at any second.
"Okay," Hill began, "We have a number of things to confirm before we get started with the questions. I was informed by Agent Coulson that hearing your name spoken causes you some distress, so I will avoid doing so. The name we have on record for you. Is it correct?"
"Yes." came Nat's monotone response. She knew this game well.
"Birthdate?" Hill continued after making a quick note.
"November 22nd, 1984." she said. Clint clocked a flash of uncertainty in her expression when she said it. She wasn't confident the answer she gave was correct.
"Height and weight." Hill said, "It says here you're 5'3" and roughly 115 pounds. Is that accurate?"
The redhead nodded at that with her brow furrowed. She wasn't sure why she was being asked these questions, but Clint knew what Hill was doing. Coulson was a living lie detector and she was asking questions they already knew the answers to in order to give him a baseline to work with.
"To the best of your knowledge, how long have you been active?" Hill pressed on. She had been told how distraught the girl was when informed what year it was and phrased her question accordingly.
This earned her a furrowed brow and an uncertain answer, "Three, maybe four years?"
"Thank you." Hill told her sincerely, "Can you tell us where you were trained?"
Clint hadn't asked her anything like that yet, since he was being careful to avoid any questions that could trigger her conditioning. He was a little irritated that Hill had just jumped right to it, but he had to admit it was a good play. If Natalia was off balance there was a good chance they'd get more out of her. His irritation melted into concern when he noticed the girl next to him struggling with the answer to the question. She tried to form the words but couldn't force the air out to vocalize them. She shot a quick bewildered glance at him and attempted it again. Finally, she managed to force the words out.
"R..." Nat started, and her brow furrowed in concentration as she tried to fight past the obvious mental block, "Red...Room."
As soon as her lips closed on the final syllable Natalia shrieked and clutched at her head frantically, falling to the floor in the process. Nothing seemed to be visibly wrong with her, yet she was clearly in agony. She bit off her scream after a few seconds and curled up into a fetal position moaning quietly and panting.
Clint, Coulson, and Hill were all stunned for an instant and shot each other 'What the fuck was that?' looks. Clint recovered first and he dropped down to the floor to check on the girl he'd been made responsible for.
"Nat!" he called, "You okay? What the hell happened?"
"I don't know." she answered between sharp inhales, "I could think the words, but when I tried to say them they wouldn't come out. I...I...mademyself force them out and now it feels like my brain is on fire."
"It's psychosomatic." Coulson supplied, "They planted a block in her mind to prevent her from revealing that information. If she hadn't already been fighting her conditioning before you found her she wouldn't have been able to say it at all. Her reaction was what they put there to punish her if she said anything. There's nothing physically wrong with her, but her mind believes she's in excruciating pain so she actually feels it. We think they designed it that way so if one of them is ever captured and tortured for information giving anything up will make it worse for them."
"That's monstrous!" Maria exclaimed, "Who would do that to anyone, let alone a child?!"
Clint knew Hill had two sides of herself. There was Deputy Director Hill, and there was Maria. She must have been pretty rattled to share a personal opinion like that during an interrogation. He couldn't recall ever having seen her slip like that before. He clocked the brief flash of chagrin on her face and was willing to bet it wouldn't happen again.
"Are we done here?" Clint demanded, looking down at where Natalia was still cradling her head and panting. It looked like it was everything she could do to hold in another scream and she'd been that way for over a minute now, "Coulson, you identified what was happening after you heard where she was trained, so I'm assuming you know something about them. Is knowing who it is enough information for now? Because I don't think she can answer any more questions."
"She fits their M.O." he confirmed, "We can get started on the intel with what we have. There are other things we need to know from her, but it can wait. If this happens every time she's asked a sensitive question we might have to wait until some of her conditioning is broken to ask her anything else. We suspected this might happen, we just didn't know it would be this bad for her."
Coulson and Hill left the room, probably to go report to Fury. He'd leave it up them get the intel they needed. Right now his priority was the girl who was trying to work past whatever was going on with her head. She looked up at him through the haze of pain and Clint saw the fear written plain on her face. She had no idea what was happening to her and it scared her. The pain had broken through her control and she wasn't even attempting to hide anything from him right now. Clint recognized that this was a small extension of trust from her, but it was tempered by the fact that she had little choice in the matter at the moment.
"We should probably get you back to your bed so you can lie down." Clint said to her in a soft voice, "Can you walk or do you want me to carry you? I know how embarrassing that would be, so I don't want to do that if I don't have to. But if you need me to I will."
"I think I can walk." Nat said shakily, "But I might need to lean. Everything is spinning."
Between her disorientation and the still fresh gunshot wound Clint ended up more carrying her than not, but ceded to her pride and let her keep up the illusion of walking on her own. It took a while, but they finally made it back to her cell where she could get some rest after Hill had unintentionally brought on the migraine from hell. Clint settled her in and went to grab a bottle of water for both of them. When Clint told her he was heading to his own room to get some sleep and suggested she do the same, she grabbed his arm as he turned to leave.
"You did not have to stop the questions, but you did." she said softly, "Thank you, Clint."
"No problem." he told her with a smile, "I'll see you in the morning, okay?"
She nodded and settled back with a thoughtful look, shooting a quick glance at him before he left the room. Clint closed the door and walked a few feet down the hall before stopping to lean against the wall in thought. Not only had her gratitude seemed genuine, but it was the first time she had addressed anyof them by name. It was a baby step, but Clint would take it.