Disclaimer: All characters belong to George R. R. Martin.
Don't take this too seriously. All characters are pretty ooc probably. I was just trying to write something a bit angsty, and this thought popped up in my head. Later in the fic it will have elements of a crossover fic but it won't be the focus.
Warning: There will be a Ned Bashing in this chapter, but know that whatever is said isn't what I really think, or is what the characters think. But *spoiler* some people know exactly what buttons to push *spoiler*
Ashara never considered herself a vengeful creature. Even when Ned had betrayed her and married another had she not felt hate towards him. Even when he had returned with her brother's sword, she had not felt hatred towards him. The only time she had ever felt such blinding anger before was when she heard news of Elia's and her children being slaughtered.
And now, as she realized just how horribly her son had been treated these last few years.
Jon had run away again after Ned's silence, followed by Tristan who reassured her that he would calm the boy down. He had also given Ned a look, and knew that Ashara had a lot of things she needed to say about him.
—
"Oooo! Caught red-handed! Awwwkwwaard!" Tristan called out, looking very much like he was enjoying the show. If she had to guess, he was disappointed he didn't have popcorn right now with the way his eyes were glowing.
"If you would excuse us, this is a family matter." Ned looked uncomfortable at his presence, demanding he leave.
"You're excused." He replied in such a nice, gracious tone that she could see Ned's temper rising.
"This is Tristan Mara, he's a boy that I adopted-"
"An assassin that she kidnapped." Tristan corrected her with a raised finger, interrupting her with a shit-eating grin.
Ashara turned around, her lips spread across her face but pressed thinly together. "I did not kidnap you!" She exclaimed for what would be the 1000th time.
"Yes you did."
"No I didn't"
"No you didn't"
"Yes I did."
"Yeah you did."
He had a pleased look on his face, she just wanted to wipe that smug look off her face. Teenagers. Urg. "Look here you brat-" She cracked her knuckles.
The door banged behind them as Jon ran out.
"Jon!" She cried out, immediately remembering where they were.
"I'll go after him this time." Tristan stood up, giving her a small nudge. He leaned down to her ear. "I think you have unfinished business here."
—
But the trio, Ned, Catelyn and her had been staring at each other with naught a sound for several minutes.
Catelyn was the first to speak, taking a break from staring daggers at her, she turned to Ned. "You lied to me. You told me that Ashara Dayne wasn't the boy's mother."
Her voice was like the North, cold and unforgiving. Ashara bristled as she pictured it was the same voice she subjected Jon to. "The boy's name is Jon." She spat, not bothering to hide the hostility in her voice.
Catelyn clenched her jaw, her entire body tenser than a drawn bow string. "I thought she was dead! Tell me, did you concoct that story to secretly meet your mistress all these years? Do you have more children that I don't know about?"
"Absolutely not Catelyn! I promise you, I didn't even know that she was alive." Ned looked between the two of them, his eyes jumping from one to another like he was looking at a tennis game.
"Your word doesn't mean as much as you think it does Eddard Stark." Ashara narrowed her eyes, calling him out for the liar that he was. Ned looked startled, but she ignored him. "But it's true, he had no idea I was alive. And I certainly was not his mistress."
"Ashara…" Ned whispered, a voice full of sorrow and regret.
"And your word is supposed to mean anything to me?" Catelyn spun around, her face twisting with hatred, putting an emphasis on 'your'. "A woman who spread her legs to another man's husband, and ridding your hands off your own son for 13 years? Even the word of a whore would be more trustworthy."
"Catelyn!" Ned interjected sharply, a reproach in his words. Both women heartily ignored him.
"You think I'll be judged by a woman who can't get over herself to treat a child right? Someone who would blame a child for their parent's mistakes and judge him accordingly. And who are you to judge me? Ned and I made a mistake but at least we were half grown. You couldn't get over yourself and tried to get revenge on me through a baby boy." Ashara snapped back, incensed by that holier than thou look that Catelyn was giving her. "You're nothing more than a ignorant, spoiled and entitled girl who was never told no her entire life, and if I wasn't trying to set a good example for Jon, I'd have currently beaten you until you were begging on your knees covered in your own blood." She threatened harshly, cracking her knuckles instinctively in the way that her guild had instilled in her purely by spending too much time with those lovable ruffians.
Catelyn jerked in surprise and took a step back, her steady heart transformed into an erratic tempo. She colored slightly, both from embarrassment and anger. Nobody had ever dared talk to her like that other than her father, and her entire being protested that treatment. Especially when it came from someone she despised so much.
"Ashara! I won't allow you to speak with Catelyn in that manner." Ned said angrily, getting between the two women. "Catelyn is my wife, and she has shown remarkable tolerance in letting Jon stay in our home. If anyone is to blame it's me!"
"No! Really?" Ashara rolled her eyes sarcastically, making exaggerated motions of sounding surprised. "But how can that be?! You're the great, honorable, Eddard Stark! Surely you can do no wrong!"
"Ashara…" He said helplessly, flinching at her tone. He swallowed nervously, unable to find any words to say under her unsaid accusations.
Until it was said.
"Don't call me that." She snapped angrily, losing the falsetto of awe and wonder.
Hurt reflected in his eyes, but he nodded silently. "I apologize, Lady Dayne."
Ashara stared at him, wishing it was anger that popped up at the sight of him. But it wasn't anger. Or if it did, it was buried under a layer of hurt. "I trusted you." She admitted with a swallow, pushing back the tears that threatened to overwhelm her at the sight of the man she once loved. Just looking at him reminded her of the betrayal, and her heart singed with the pain like it was just yesterday. "I gave you my maidenhood because I believed in the man I thought you were. But then I had to read how you already married another woman without even a word of acknowledgement to me. You betrayed me Lord Stark."
"...I know." Ned choked out, his voice strangled. "And I will carry that guilt inside of me for as long as I live. You have no idea how torn I was to make that decision, Lady Dayne."
"You betrayed me." She repeated angrily, annoyed at how he was playing the victim to his own actions. "But you know I still loved you even after that because I understood what you did, you did it out of love for your sister. And I thought that a man who loved his sister like you, would also love your son just the same even if he is a bastard. And like a fool I trusted you again, only to be betrayed."
"I raised Jon like my own." Ned promised, his voice a bit stronger at the implication that he didn't. "You must understand that regardless of how he is my son, he is a bastard."
"It doesn't matter." Ashara groaned in impatience, seeing that self righteous look on his face. "I'm here now, and I'm taking my son away."
Ned stiffens at that, ignoring Catelyn's look of bliss. Before she can say anything, he is protesting loudly. "I won't allow you to come and take him away as you please! He is my son, he was raised here, his family is here."
"What's the point when you're just going to send him to the wall like a criminal anyway?" Ashara snapped, her purple eyes dancing with anger. Just the thought of her son freezing away at the way, sharing a bed with men who were sent there for violently raping a women. What sort of life would be forced to live in that sort of hell?
"There is honor at the wall." Ned frowned, defending the place. "And I am not sending him away. It is Jon's choice to go there."
"Choice? Or the only path he's been allowed to see?" Ashara rebuked, noticing a slight flinch from Ned. She chances a brief glance at Catelyn, her lips pressed tightly exuding an air of distaste and disapproval.
It is clear the woman wants to say something, but is unwilling to interfere. Most likely because both sides are arguing for the thing she had always wanted, Jon's removal from Winterfell.
"There is honor at the wall." Ned argued, defending the wall. "It is a place where men can rise high, like my brother Benjen Stark. You would not be aware but Jon has dreamed of the wall for as long as I could remember."
"A convenient solution for you. A way to get rid of your bastard while still appearing honorable." Ashara flinched at Ned's dig at her absence, guilt pooling her heart at the truth of the matter. She had missed so much of her son's life already, she would be remiss to miss any more. She promised herself she would shower him with all the love missed for the past 13 years, and make up for all her wrongdoings. "The only person who I have to explain my absence is Jon, and no one else. After that, I will take him away and show him that he has other options in life than being known as one man's mistake."
"What other path is this?" Ned scoffed bitterly. "Will you make him an assassin or a sellsword like that boy from before? I know what a life like that leads to. A life without honor, wielding a blade for money only leads to destroying your own soul."
"What do you know about Tristan that you think you even have the right to judge him?" Ashara's eyes widened so far, her pupils disappearing in terrifying soulless gaze, her voice dropping so low that it sent shivers down their spine. "That boy has more honor in his pinky than you do in your entire body."
His heart shivered, feeling the cold tendrils wrapping around it. The look in Ashara's eyes as she spoke about Tristan was terrifying, the threat in her mere gaze became visible. She looked like a demon ready to pounce at the slightest provocation.
However Ashara wasn't done.
"Because unlike you, he doesn't use pretty words like honor or duty to hide the fact that he's a coward."
Catelyn gasped, shocked that anyone could say such a thing about Eddard Stark, a man whose honor was considered to be above reproach. However Ned's silence made her look at him in shock.
"Where men like Robert Baratheon and Brandon Stark chased after every pretty girl they could see, you were too afraid to do the same. And rather than admit it, you hid behind the excuse it wasn't honorable. And I, being the fool I was, thought I was so smart and lucky to have fallen for such a man. But it didn't take long for you to get me naked did it? Where was your honor then? And where was your honor when you married Catelyn Tully while Jon was already my stomach and you'd already promised me your hand? And do you honestly expect me to believe that you were able to defeat my brother in single combat? You who could barely hold his own against me?"
The barrage of questions and statements struck like a war hammer, and Ned felt all his defenses crumble. He was suddenly reminded of his brief meeting with Tristan, how he had filled the entire room with his presence. It was clear now where he'd learned to do such a thing. Ashara shone like a harsh light, filling every inch of this room with an oppressive force; it was like a weight on his shoulder. This wasn't the girl he'd fallen in love with, but the woman who'd threaded the harsh water of kings landing with its vipers and mad tyrants and stared them all down without fear.
Pride was never something that anyone would accuse Eddard Stark of, but Ned wondered if he'd been struck by it all the same. Seeing Ashara in front of him had opened up a lot of wounds from the past, and he'd gotten defensive very quickly. Nobody liked having their mistakes pointed out to them. Being the lord of the North, he'd been so used to not having anyone over him, not having anyone question him either if you didn't count Catelyn when it came to Jon.
But Ashara had arrived like a sledgehammer, shattering his peace and reigniting the decisions he'd made in his youth had plagued him, haunted his dreams and every waking moment for years. And this time, he couldn't run from it.
He fell backwards onto his desk, feeling limp with defeat. "You're right, I won't deny that I wronged you. Both of you." He said, addressing Catelyn as well. She looked startled to be addressed. "I was young, thrust into a position I wasn't prepared for, and I was terrified. I'd already lost Brandon and my father. I didn't want to lose Lyanna too, and I didn't want to lose the North. I was selfish. I was scared. And I took decisions that were dishonorable of me, and both of you suffered for it. I'm sorry."
His words were accompanied by a solemn pause where the trio could not look at anyone. There was so much hurt going around in the room, so many years of pain that was left untouched till this moment. Their words had left them raw and vulnerable, it was a wonder they hadn't erupted into screaming matches.
Catelyn was the first to move, resting a hand on Ned's shoulder and squeezing in reassurance.
Ashara was next. She stayed where she was, but her shoulders dropped in a sigh. "Even knowing what I know now, knowing everything I'd experienced, the only thing that I would change is not being able to raise Jon." Ned looked at her in surprise, but Ashara continued to speak. "I don't regret a single moment with you, nor do I regret having Jon. Because that's what led me to my new family. It's what led me to Tristan. It's what made me who I am, and I am proud of who I am. My only regret is not raising Jon, a mistake that I will be fixing as of this moment. And I won't take no for an answer."
Ned hesitated before nodded in defeat. "Just, let me talk to him before you go. I need to talk to him."
Ashara nodded stiffly, giving an equally stiff nod to Catelyn before leaving the room.
—
"Did you never once think about telling me the truth?" Catelyn spoke once Ashara left. She'd been quiet the entire time that Ashara and Ned confronted each other. Her mind was still reeling from the shock of her revelation, and she knew she'd be too emotional to speak properly. Even now, the hurt was hard to keep out of her voice. "I even asked you point blank if Ashara Dayne was the boy's mother. You got really angry then… I'm only realizing now that you never said she wasn't. Why the deceit, Ned?"
He didn't look surprised at her question, though he did seem to become more limp. It went without saying, but she had never seen him this… despondent. Even the day of their wedding, when it was clear that Brandon and his father had died, he had braved it with a solemn face. Now… now he looked his age.
It almost made her feel bad for asking. And then she remembered all those sleepless nights worrying about the boy's mother. All the whispers behind her back. The humiliation, and she knew had to know. "Tell me." She demanded quietly, but firmly.
"Your father." He admitted, much to her shock. "He made me swear not to tell you. He didn't think much of it, but he felt that you would feel more uncertain than you already were."
"You mean that I'd feel guilty for marrying another man who had dishonored another woman and was already betrothed to her." She said dryly, in a sharp tone.
Her expression was cold like ice, not revealing any of her inner thoughts. She was the epitome of the perfect lady, able to hide her feelings under a guise of sharp indifference.
"I promised the Daynes that I would never utter her name to spare her some dignity, and I promised your father that Jon would never know of his mother." Ned revealed a look of shame like she'd never seen before.
It was a hard look on him, a man who she believed placed honor above everything else. To be forced to confront the mistakes of his youth.
But still, something didn't add up. "Why would my father care if Jon knew who his mother was or not? Even if he is older than Robb, he would still be a bastard and…"
Ashara froze, her entire body tensing up like a bow string being wound. She thought of Ned she knew, the man who placed honor above everything. Far before he was forced to choose between honor and his family, a Ned who betrothed to no one with no duty to anyone else. "He is a bastard isn't he?" She asked, real fear creeping up her heart, making the words taste like ash on tongue.
Because surely, Ned would be the type of man to marry the first lady he dishonored when he was tied down to anything else.
Whatever came out of his mouth didn't matter. She'd been married to him for 13 years, and she knew him. His face gave her the unyielding truth.
She took a step back, devastation filling her. Of all the things she'd learnt today, this was the biggest betrayal she'd ever felt. It was like someone had taken a knife to her heart, and then twisted it again and again till she was squirting blood out.
How could Ned have allowed someone with such a powerful claim to her children's inheritance to be raised under her roof? Was that the plan from the beginning? To give Jon what was his siblings? No, she realized. If what she'd learned was true, she was the usurper here. The very thing she had feared Jon Snow to be.
Ned looked at her, his face growing panicked. "No! It's not what you're thinking. We weren't married."
Catelyn paused, blinking as she felt a tiny tendril of hope.
"Sort of."
Now Catelyn was just confused.
Ned sighed. "What I mean to say is, we were never truly married. However, I did make vows to her under the heart tree. However there were no witnesses, nor were they the official vows. Just the promises of two children."
"But it was made under the heart tree…" She repeated slowly.
"Hence why your father wanted to keep it a secret. Under the laws of the kingdoms it's not a marriage and both me and Ashara knew it, but there were many who were unhappy with the alliance with the Riverlands. He didn't want to take any chances, and I didn't want Ashara's name to be more dishonored than it already was." Ned admitted.
Catelyn was reeling from the shock, feeling like she was being pulled left and right, and front and back.
"Catelyn…" He reached out to her, but she slapped his hand away.
"Don't touch me. I just… I need to be alone." Catelyn said, before fleeing.