The rest of the afternoon, Maya and Carina basically just sat at Lia's bedside, sometimes talking to the baby, sometimes to each other, and sometimes just sitting in silence together. Maya made sure to stick to her schedule of expressing milk and Carina also made sure she was drinking enough fluids and using the bathroom when she should to ensure she was staying healthy.
Around 5, they went back upstairs for a little while, or rather, Carina dragged Maya back upstairs to make sure she had something to eat and got in another nap.
"I don't want to miss holding her," Maya said as they headed back up to her room.
"You won't," Carina assured her, "I will set an alarm on my phone for 9:30 so that even if we are asleep then, we can make sure we get down there in time. But you do not want to spike another fever or start feeling worse, do you?"
"No," Maya said. "Also, I think we have some bambine who would be happy to talk to us."
"I know," Maya sighed, "And I want to talk to them too. God, this is so hard. I just want all three of our kids in one place so we don't have to choose who we are with."
"It will be easier once Lia is home," Carina agreed, "But it will still be hard. I know I felt pulled in multiple directions when we just had Rowan and Nora and they were developmentally at the same place so we could do a lot of things with them together. But Lia is going to be a tiny baby so it is going to make that harder."
"I know," Maya said, "But at least they will all be in one place. I just want our family all in one place."
"I do too," Carina agreed as they walked down the hall to Maya's room, "Soon. But for right now, what do you want to eat? We have leftovers from what Andy brought last night one of the nurses put in the fridge in the break room that I can heat up."
"Yeah, that sounds good," Maya nodded, "Do we still have pasta left?"
"Si," Carina nodded, "I will go heat that up. Do you need anything else?"
"I need more to drink," Maya said, "I really just want water."
"I will be right back with food and water," Carina nodded, giving Maya a quick kiss before walking out of the room. She walked down the hall, feeling a little bit like she was walking in a daze as she went to the break room.
"Hey Carina," she heard from down the hall just as she was about to open the door, turning and seeing Teddy walking toward her, "Hey. Congratulations Mamma."
"Ciao," Carina said, smiling at her, though the smile got lost somewhere between her mouth and her eyes, Teddy following her into the break room.
"How is Maya? How is the baby? How are you?" Teddy asked.
"Lia is doing pretty well," Carina said, "That is the baby's name, Cecelia Katherine but we are calling her Lia. Sorry I didn't text you when she was born."
"You had a lot going on," Teddy said, "Amelia told me."
"Good," Carina said, "It's been a blur since she was born. She is doing pretty well though, considering she is 9 weeks early. She is on CPAP and is jaundice so she can't be held for the next little while which is hard. Maya is having a very hard time with it. She has been having a rough time. She had a fever until this afternoon, nothing serious, but it still made her feel terrible but she has been so determined to be with Lia. She is hormonal and exhausted and anxious and scared and I think, despite my reassurances, that she is blaming herself for this which it is not her fault at all. She is not the one to blame. If anything, that's on me."
"What?" Teddy said, looking at her friend, "Why are you to blame? You didn't break Maya's waters or send her into labor."
"But I didn't catch that she was in labor until her waters broke," Carina said, "I should have known. I am an OB for god's sake, and yet I didn't recognize my wife was in premature labor? What kind of doctor does that make me?"
"Carina, you couldn't have known," Teddy said, "Maya didn't know. You just thought she was sick, which is a perfectly rational thing to think. This is not on you."
Carina turned toward Teddy, eyes trained on the floor as she bit her lip so hard she was pretty sure she drew blood.
"Hey," Teddy said, walking over to Carina, putting a hand on her shoulder.
That was all it took for the waterworks to start, Carina stifling a sob as she crashed into Teddy, the cardio surgeon quickly wrapping her in a hug.
"It's ok," Teddy said, "I've got you. You are ok."
Teddy just held Carina as she cried, knowing that the Italian had likely not let herself feel very much of this.
"Sorry," Carina said, sniffling a few minutes as she pulled away.
"Carina, you do not have to apologize for having feelings," Teddy said, handing her a tissue as Carina chuckled.
"I say that to Maya all the time," Carina said, wiping her tears.
"Well, you should listen to yourself," Teddy said, rubbing Carina's back a little, "What can I do?"
"I don't know," Carina said, "I need to get this food to Maya."
"Do you want me to take it to her so you can have a little bit of time alone?" Teddy asked.
"No," Carina said, "No, I want to be with her. I'm ok."
"Did you get food for yourself too?" Teddy asked.
"Oh, yeah," Carina said, "I should do that."
She went over to the fridge and grabbed some soup out for herself, putting it in the microwave.
"Good," Teddy said, "Do you want me to go downstairs and grab you some coffee or something else to drink?"
"No," Carina said, "I'll just grab some water. I'm hoping we can take a nap after dinner before we go down to the NICU at 10 to hold Lia for half an hour, though Maya is probably going to fight me on that."
"Maya could go down alone if you need to rest," Teddy suggested.
"No," Carina said, "No, I need to make sure she is taking care of herself and I won't sleep well if she's not also sleeping. I'll be ok."
"Carina, I know it's important to you to take care of Maya, " Teddy said, "And I totally get it, but you also have to take care of yourself. If you need to sleep, then sleep."
"I can't," Carina said, "They need me now more than ever and I need to be there. Besides, as tired as I am, I also want to soak up all the time we can with Lia before Mays is discharged tomorrow and we have to go home and start splitting our time."
"Ok," Teddy sighed, "But I am going to be checking on you later to make sure you are ok."
"Grazie," Carina nodded, grabbing the two containers of food, "And thank you for being here and putting up with me."
"Carina, I am not 'putting up with you,'" Teddy said, shaking her head, "I am your friend. I am always here if you need to talk, ok?"
"Grazie," Carina said as Teddy opened the door to the break room, allowing the Italian out, "I will see you later?"
"Sounds good," Teddy nodded, "And just call if you need me, ok?"
Carina nodded as she walked back down to Maya's room, going in with the food, finding her wife starting at her phone.
"What are you looking at Bambina?" she asked, setting the food down on the tray next to Maya's bed.
"Just pictures of Lia," Maya sighed, looking up at her wife, immediately seeing the puffiness under her eyes that most people wouldn't see, but this was a face she had long ago memorized every single piece of so any tiny change was glaringly noticeable to her, "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," Carina said, brushing it off. "You were crying," Maya said, "What's wrong?"
"I'm fine," Carina said, realizing she hadn't gotten herself a drink and also that they had no silverware, "I will be right back."
Carina really didn't want to talk to Maya about any of how she was feeling at the moment. She wanted to be able to focus on her wife and her recovery and didn't want to make what was already an impossibly hard situation for the blonde even harder. She took a few deep breaths as she grabbed water from the machine before dipping back into the break room to get silverware, trying to prepare herself to go back to her wife. She was hoping maybe a nurse would be in there taking vitals or something to distract her wife. However, when she walked back in the room, Maya was alone and she looked both hurt and concerned.
"Carina," she said quietly as the Italian set the silverware down, "I was just sitting here thinking and I realized that while I have been an absolute mess and you have been taking such good care of me, I have barely asked you how you are doing and I…I didn't even really think how hard this all must be for you too and I am so sorry. So please, talk to me. What's going on? Are you ok?"
Carina bit her lip, not looking at her wife.
"Hey," Maya said, reaching out and grabbing her hand, giving her arm a little tug, drawing Carina closer to the bed before pulling her down to sit next to her, "Talk to me Babe. What's going on in your head?"
"It's all just been a lot," Carina said, wiping furiously at her eyes as tears leaked out against her will, "And I have been so worried about you and Lia and the twins and I have been trying to be strong because that's what everyone needs right now but I just…I'm scared."
With that, the dam broke again and Carina was sobbing, Maya wrapping her up in a hug as she cried.
"Oh Babe," Maya said, running her hand up and down her wife's back as she cried, mentally kicking herself for not seeing how this was affecting the sobbing woman in her arms.
Carina cried for a few minutes before the tears broke off into sniffles and she sat up, taking a tissue Maya handed her.
"Me dispace," Carina said, wiping her eyes, "I didn't mean to do that."
"I'm sorry," Maya said, "I should have checked in with you earlier. You are going through all of this too, it should not have just been all about me."
"Bambina, it's ok," Carina said, "You just had a baby. Your hormones are all over the place. I don't want you to feel bad. That's why I didn't say anything because I didn't want to make this harder for you."
"But I hate that you were hurting and you felt like you couldn't tell me," Maya said, resting a hand on her wife's cheek, "You do not have to keep these feelings from me to protect me, ok? I know I am an emotional hot mess right now, but I promise you I always want you to talk to me."
"Ok," Carina nodded, leaning into Maya's gentle touch on her cheek.
"Now, do you want to talk more about what is scaring you?" Maya asked.
"Probably what you expect," Carina shrugged, "Lia and everything going on with her and if she will be ok, how the twins are doing, how you are, how we are going to manage all of this for the next few months until Lia is home. I'm ok, it's just…it's a lot."
"It is a lot," Maya agreed, "I don't want you hiding how you are feeling about it anymore though, ok? We are a team in all of this, even if I am a bit of a disaster. You can always tell me how you are feeling."
Just then, they heard a loud gurgle from Carina's stomach and both of them looked at each other for a second before laughing.
"Right now, I am feeling hungry," Carina laughed, rubbing her stomach, "Let's eat before this all gets cold."
"Good plan," Maya nodded as Carina moved the table closer so they could eat.
"We should probably call your mom at some point soon," Carina said as they were eating, "I know Andrea told Mason and Laila about Lia, but I don't think your mom knows and I thought maybe we could call her to tell her?"
"We probably should," Maya nodded, "I didn't even think about it. I really didn't think about telling anyone. But pretty much everyone knows by now right?"
"Si," Carina nodded, "I mean, the station knows and the hospital and your brother. I probably should send an email to my family in Italia to tell them too."
"One day, we are going to travel to Italy with three kids," Maya said, "I didn't even think about that until right now, but we will."
"Si," Carina nodded with a smile, "Though not for a while. Let's focus first on getting Lia home. But one day, I cannot wait to show her Italia. And the twins too because they were so small the last time we went."
They originally planned to try to take a trip to Italy about every year, but with Carina's cancer and then Maya getting pregnant, they hadn't been since the twins were 9 months old. Their original plan had been to go the previous spring if Carina was pregnant, but instead, she had been knee deep in cancer treatment and traveling would have been a terrible idea.
"Maybe we can take them in the spring," Maya said, "If Lia is ok. I think the girls would love it there. And Rowan could have all the non-square pizza she wanted."
Carina laughed, shaking her head.
"She gets that from you," Maya said, also laughing.
"One of a very few things," Carina nodded, "She is so much more like you."
"And Nora is a lot more like you," Maya said, "I wonder who Lia will be more like?"
"Well, right now, I would say you," Carina said, earning her a look from her wife, "She is always in a hurry and wanting to be early for everything."
Maya rolled her eyes, taking another bite of her dinner. Once dinner was over and Maya did another round of hand expressing, they decided to call Katherine before it was time to call the twins before bed.
"We can show her the picture on your phone," Maya said as she got her mom's facetime pulled up.
"Or we can just text them to her," Carina said, nodding.
"Oh, duh, that's a better idea," Maya nodded as she pressed the button to call her mom, "I feel like me brain isn't working right right now."
"That is ok," Carina said, pressing a kiss to Maya's temple, "New Mommy brain is a very real thing."
Just then, Katherine answered the phone.
"Hi Maya, Carina," Katherine said, "Oh, Maya, are you back in the hospital? Is everything ok with you and the baby, Sweetheart?"
"Well, actually, that's why we called," Carina said, looking at her wife.
"I had the baby yesterday Mom," Maya said, smiling a little as she saw her mom's excitement that quickly faded into confusion.
"Wait," Katherine said, "I thought you weren't due until October."
"I wasn't," Maya said with a sighed, "But my body had other plans and she came yesterday a little before 1 pm."
"She?" Katherine said.
"Si," Carina nodded, "You have another granddaughter."
"Oh my goodness," Katherine said, smile reappearing on her face, "What is her name?"
"Cecelia," Maya said, "Cecelia Katherine Bishop-Deluca, our little tiny Lia."
"Cecelia Katherine?" Katherine said.
"After you Mom," Maya said, seeing tears in the corner of her eyes, "The only grandparent she has."
"I…I…Thank you," Katherine said, wiping at her eyes, "Is she ok? Being so early?"
"She is very tiny," Maya said, "She was 2 lbs. 10 oz. 15 inches long. She is living in the NICU right now and she is getting some breathing support and feeding support and right now, she is under lights because she is jaundice, but overall, she is doing well, right Carina?"
"Si," Carina nodded, "Very well. Katherine, I just sent you some pictures of her."
"Ok," Katherine said, "I will look at them once we are off the call."
"You can look at them now Mom," Maya said, "Just swipe up on the screen and then go to your messages."
"Ok," Katherine said, trying to swipe up, "It didn't work."
"Try again," Maya said, feeling Carina squeeze her hand to keep her calm as she tried to explain technology to her mom.
"Oh, it worked," Katherine said, "Can you still see me? Cause I can see you."
"We can," Carina said, "Now go to your messages."
"Ok," Katherine said, Maya and Carina smiling as they watched her, "Oh, Maya, Carina, she is beautiful. She is so tiny."
"She is," Maya said, her voice cracking a little bit as she quickly blinked, determined not to cry on the phone with her mom.
She hated crying in front of her, probably because Katherine was, in her memories, so linked to Lane and crying in front of him meant punishment every time. She could count on one hand the amount of times she had cried in front of her mom and she was not about to add another one.
"I cannot wait to meet her one day," Katherine said, clearly still staring at the photos.
"We will send you lots of pictures," Carina promised, "And once she is out of the NICU and things settle down, we will bring her down to meet you."
"I wish I could come up there," Katherine sighed, "Maybe I could try again. I have two new grandbabies to meet."
"Don't do it if it is going to make you miserable," Maya said, "I mean, we would love to see you, but I don't want you to have to go through what you did last time."
"I know," Katherine sighed, "I'll have to think about it."
"How have things been down by you?" Carina asked, shifting the topic to help both her wife and mother-in-law through the awkward pause.
"It has been good," Katherine said, "I have been working and Jean and I started going to a knitting club which has been fun. I am finally getting the hang of it. How are the twins? I saw they met the baby."
"They have been good so far," Carina said as Maya nodded, "Our friend Amelia has been keeping them for us while we have been here. Rowan is already very much in love with Lia, and Nora also likes her I think. She has been a little more reserved about everything, but I think once Lia is home, they will both be very very excited."
"I'm assuming you don't know when she is going to get to go home yet?" Katherine asked.
"No," Maya said sadly, biting her lip.
"But we usually tell families around the original due date is when the bambino will go home so probably mid-October," Carina jumped in, " It could be sooner if she does well or later if there are complications. It's all up to how she does."
"Ok," Katherine said, "Well, I need to get going. But I will talk to you both soon. Tell my granddaughters hi for me, all three of them."
"We will," Maya nodded, "Bye Mom."
"Bye Maya, Bye Carina," Katherine said, "Congratulations again."
With that, they hung up the phone and Maya slumped against her wife.
"You ok Bambina?" Carina asked, stroking her hair.
"Just really tired all of a sudden," Maya said, yawning, "But it is almost bedtime for the girls and I don't want to miss it again so I will stay up until then."
"We could call now," Carina said, "I am exhausted too and wouldn't mind a nap."
"Ok," Maya nodded as Carina called Amelia.
"Hey," Amelia said, answering.
"Hi Amelia," Carina said, "Is now a good time to talk to the bambine?"
"They are in the bath right now," Amelia said, "I was just grabbing towels for everyone. Rowan, Nora, look who's on the phone."
"Mommy, Mamma," the girls squealed.
"Yook Mommy, we have bubbles," Rowan said.
"Wow," Maya said, smiling as Rowan picked up the bubbles in her hand, "That looks like so much fun."
"Mamma, are we sweeping here tonight?" Nora asked.
"You are," Carina nodded, "But tomorrow, you will sleep at home with me and Mommy, ok?"
"And Yia?" Rowan asked.
"No," Carina said, "Lia has to stay here until she is bigger, remember?"
"Oh," Rowan sighed, "Tan I see her?"
"She is downstairs, and we are upstairs in my room," Maya said, "But we will show you lots of pictures tomorrow, ok?"
"Ok," Rowan nodded. "Are you having fun with Zia Amelia?" Carina asked.
"Si," the girls both said. "We pwayed outside wif Harpa and Tout, but den Tout had to go wif Zio Yink." Rowan said.
"Scout had karate tonight," Amelia supplied, "Link got off just in time to take him. They should be home any minute, but I figured the girls could all have a bath."
"Is it ok if Mommy and I say buona notte now?" Carina asked, "We are really sleepy and are going to go to bed."
"But it's not bedtime yet," Rowan said.
"Yeah, we didn't wead books yet," Nora said, "Or sing songs."
"I am going to read books and sing songs," Amelia said.
"Yeah," Maya said, "Zia Amelia will read and sing. Mamma and I are very tired right now and we want to get lots of sleep because we want to be able to have fun with you tomorrow when we get home."
"And cuddle?" Nora asked.
"Si," Carina said, "Tanti abbracci."
"Ok," Nora said, "Ti boglio benny Mamma. I lub you Mommy."
"I love you too Nora Mae," Maya said, "And I love you too Ro."
"Ti voglio bene Nona," Carina said, "E ti voglio bene Rowan. Dormi bene."
"I love you Mommy," Rowan said, "Ti boglio benny Mamma. And I love my baby totoino Yia too."
"We will tell her when we see her later okay Patatina?" Carina said, smiling.
"Bye guys," Amelia said.
"Ciao Amelia," Carina called, "Thank you again for tonight."
"Of course," Amelia said, "I will text you if anything comes up. Both of you get some sleep. You look like you need it."
They hung up the phone and Carina looked over at her wife.
"Alright, bathroom and then sleep?" Carina said.
"I don't want to go to the bathroom," Maya grumbled, "It hurts."
"I know," Carina said, rubbing her back, "How about I go grab a sitz bath from the nurses and we can see if that helps? And maybe some more Advil?"
"I don't want to keep you up," Maya said.
"Bambina, I want you to be comfortable," Carina said, tucking a piece of stray hair behind her ear, "I won't sleep well knowing you aren't. So let's try this and see if we can get you feeling a little bit better, ok?"
Maya nodded, Carina giving her a quick kiss before getting up and going out to the nurses' station, returning in a few minutes with the sitz bath which she quickly took into the bathroom, getting it set up before going back to help Maya, who had just been given another dose of Advil by her nurse, up and into the bathroom.
"Ok," Carina said, "So do you want to use the bathroom first or do the soak first?"
"Soak first," Maya said, "I mean, do you think it might help it hurt less?"
"It might," Carina nodded, "We can try. Are you ready?"
Maya nodded as Carina helped her get situated, sighing as she felt the warm water on the part of her body that was probably the most sore at this current moment.
"Feel good?" Carina asked, smiling as she rubbed Maya's back a little.
"So good," Maya said, "We should have done this yesterday."
"I know," Carina sighed, "Or this morning. It has just been so busy. We can do the now though. I usually tell moms 3-4 times a day until things start feeling better."
Maya stayed on the toilet with the bath for a good fifteen minutes, leaning her head on Carina as the Italian stroked her hair. Once she was done, she used the bathroom before heading back to bed.
"That helped," Maya said, "Though I am very much not looking forward to what it is going to be like to poop."
"It will probably not feel great," Carina said honestly, "But we can get you on some stool softeners to help and making sure you are hydrated will also help. Every new mamma goes through it and I will be right here with you if you want me to. Now, do you want me to go ask the nurse for some Advil and then time to get a couple hours of sleep?"
"Yes please," Maya nodded, "Thanks Babe."
Once Maya had had her meds and the nurse had checked her vitals and everything, they turned off the lights, closing the blinds to block out the sun that was still very much up since it was not ever 7 pm and it was the beginning of August.
"Alright," Carina said, "Do you need anything else?"
"I don't think so," Maya said, "Do you need anything? Did you want to sleep in bed with me?"
"I don't want to crowd you out of bed," Carina said, biting her lip.
"I…I don't think you would," Maya said, looking down.
"Do you want me to sleep in bed with you?" Carina asked.
"Only if you want to," Maya said, looking up at her wife, "I mean, we don't have to if you don't think there's room or…"
"Let's just try," Carina said, pretty desperate to hold her wife at the moment, just wanting to feel her close.
"Ok," Maya said, also wanting to be close, feeling very needy at the moment and also just wanting to assure Carina that she was ok.
They got into bed, carefully moving around until they found a comfortable position, Carina laying on her side while Maya laid on her stomach curled up close to her wife.
"You set an alarm right?" Maya asked, "So we won't miss holding Lia?"
"Si," Carina nodded, yawning, "It is set for 9:15 so we can wake up, you can do some expressing, and then we can go down to see our Trottolina."
"I love you Carina," Maya said, sleepily giving her wife a kiss.
"I love you too," Carina said, kissing her back before they both drifted off to sleep.
When the alarm went off, neither of them were particularly thrilled about waking up at first, but then they remembered why they were rudely being woken up and quickly moved to get ready. Maya got a bit more milk for Lia, Carina getting it put in the cooler before they headed down to the NICU.
"Oh, look Lia, here comes your Mommy and Mamma," Julia said as Maya and Carina approached the bed where the nurse was checking on Lia.
"How has she been?" Maya asked, going over to the incubator. "She has been good," Julia said, "Just enjoying her little tanning session. And we upped the amount of milk she is getting this evening a little bit to see how she tolerates that because we are hoping we can maybe speed up getting that bilirubin moving out of her body."
"Are you getting more of Mommy's milk Trottolina?" Carina asked as she peered into the incubator, "That will help you feel better."
"She's got another ten minutes under the Bili lights and then she gets her break," Julia said, "I have to go do one more thing with another baby and when I come back, we will get Miss Lia out and ready for her cuddles. Oh, I was actually coming over here to check to see if she needs a diaper change which I can do when I get back."
"I can do it," Maya said, "I mean, if that's ok?"
"Of course," Julia said, "We try to let parents do as much as possible. I will be back in a few minutes. Oh, and she hasn't had her first poop yet so if that has happened, let me know and save the diaper for me."
"Ok," Maya said as Carina grabbed a tiny diaper from the caddy below Lia's bed, "Alright Lia, are you ready for a clean diaper?"
Even though her eyes were covered, Maya could tell the newborn was awake, her arms and legs making jerky motions.
"Here you go," Carina said, handing Maya the warm wipes and the diaper.
Maya carefully got the diaper off, going to work cleaning the baby up.
"Good job Lia," Maya said, "You had your first poopy diaper. That is exactly what we wanted to see. You are doing so amazing Peanut. You should be so proud of yourself. I am so proud of you."
Carina held back a smile, having almost forgotten how much she fell in love with her wife when she watched her parent their children in the early days. She had felt the same way when she had seen her with Nora and Rowan and those feelings all came flooding back as she watched Maya talk to Lia.
"What?" Maya asked as she turned to look at Carina once the diaper was changed.
"I just love watching you be a mommy to our kids," Carina shrugged, "You are so amazing."
Maya blushed but didn't say anything as she set the diaper aside to give to the nurse.
"Do you want to hold her this time?" Maya asked, looking at Carina.
"Don't you want to?" Carina asked, confused.
"I always want to hold her," Maya said, "But I also want you to get your turn to hold her too. I can hold her in the morning."
"Are you sure?" Carina asked, knowing Maya had been so crushed when she wasn't able to hold Lia earlier.
"I'm sure," Maya nodded, "I will sit right next to you and we can talk to her together and I can hold her hand. I think you need to hold her tonight."
"Grazie Bambina," Carina said, walking over to her wife and giving her a gentle kiss.
After not too long, Julia came over, turning off Lia's lights before carefully placing her on Carina's chest.
"I will be back in half an hour to put her back under the lights," Julia said, carefully taking the tiny eye mask off Lia's eyes, revealing the baby's open eyes, "If you need me before then, just let me know."
"Hi Lia," Maya said, sitting down next to her wife, "Did you have a good day under those lights? We missed your beautiful eyes."
Lia let out a little grunt, moving around on Carina's chest.
"Hi Trottolina," Carina said, rubbing her back.
The next half hour went by way too fast for Maya and Carina and before they knew it, it was time for Lia to go back into her incubator. They sat with her for a little longer before deciding to go upstairs to get some sleep themselves.
"I hate leaving her," Maya sighed.
"I do too," Carina said, "But we both need sleep and we can't do anything for her down there. The best thing we can do for her and us is try to sleep."
They made their way back upstairs, Carina helping Maya with another sitz bath and another round of hand expressing before they got back into bed, Maya making sure to set alarms to get up and express milk to get herself into a routine.
The night is a little bit rough, both of them struggling to sleep after the first alarm goes off and by the time they managed to, it was only thirty minutes before the next alarm went off. They did manage to get a little more sleep before waking up for the day.
"I know we can't hold her until 10 and it's barely 7, but can we go downstairs?" Maya asked, "I just want to see her."
"Si," Carina nodded, feeling the same way, "Let's go."
When they got down to the NICU, they found Lia moving around a lot in her incubator and whimpering a little.
"Is she ok?" Maya asked Julia who walked over as soon as she saw them.
"We had a little bit of a tough night," Julia said, "The doctor thinks her tummy wasn't ready for an increase in the volume of her feeds, but she was up most of the night very fussy. We slowed her feeds back down and have been trying to keep her comfortable. I spent some time just holding her around 4 am because she was very upset and she spit up quite a bit, but she has calmed back down. We are just watching her for now, but if things don't get better, we are going to run more tests."
"What?" Maya said, "I…she…can we hold her? I mean, she is clearly still uncomfortable. Please?"
"Let me go talk to the doctor really quickly," Julia said.
"Carina, she was in pain again and we weren't here," Maya said, looking at her wife with big tears in her eyes, "I…we should have been here. We are her moms. We should have been here."
"There is no way we could have known Bambina," Carina said, though she too felt very guilty at the thought of their teeny tiny baby in pain and them not being right there with her, "And we are here now."
"I need to hold her," Maya said, going over to the incubator, putting her hand in and holding Lia's tiny hand in her own, "Mommy is here Lia. Mommy and Mamma are right here. We are going to help you feel better."
"We are right here Trottolina," Carina said, going around to the other side and holding Lia's other hand.
The tiny baby's feet were kicking as she let out a tiny cry.
"I am about two seconds away from just taking her out of there," Maya said, "I can't just do nothing."
"I know," Carina said, "Let's just wait for her nurse."
"Ok," Julia said coming back, "So Dr. Jax is ok with you holding her. We are going get a Bili blanket to wrap her in. We don't usually use them down here because we have the Bili lights which work better, but we do have some. Let me help you get her out and then I will go find that."
Maya immediately sat down in the chair, unzipping the sweatshirt she had on as Julia brought Lia over to her.
"Hi Lia," Maya said, immediately rubbing the baby's back as she fussed, "It's ok. I am right here. Mamma and I are right here."
"I will be right back with the blanket," Julia said as she draped a regular blanket over Lia.
Lia moved around on Maya's chest, fussing a little bit as she tried to get comfortable.
"I'm sorry you don't feel well Trottolina," Carina said, holding her tiny hand, "But you are in the very best place to feel better. Mommy gives the best cuddles when you don't feel well and they will make you feel so much better."
Lia seemed to agree as she rested her head on Maya's chest, eyes blinking heavily.
"There you go," Maya said, pressing a kiss to Lia's head where her CPAP mask wasn't covering, "Go to sleep. That will help. I know having an upset stomach is no fun. Mamma and I will be right here when you wake up."
Lia looked at Carina with sleepy eyes and even though the Italian knew full well that the baby couldn't actually see her, she still smiled at her.
"We are right here Trottolina," the Italian said, "We are going to help you feel better."
Lia's eyes slipped closed as she held tightly to Carina's finger.
"I hate that she is hurting," Maya said, holding the baby a little closer.
"Me too," Carina nodded, "I am hoping it is nothing more than just her belly not being ready for more food."
"What else could it be?" Maya asked, almost scared to know.
"Well, necrotizing enterocolitis is something they are always worried about with preemies," Carina sighed, "It is basically a very bad infection of the intestines that is treatable but can cause serious complications and it is not good. But her belly didn't look distended to me and her vitals and everything look good so I don't think we need to worry right now. She probably just wasn't quite ready for her feed to be increased and it made her tummy hurt."
"I hope she is ok," Maya said, looking down at the sleeping baby.
"Ok," Julia said, coming over with a blanket that was attached to a box, "I have the Bili blanket. It will basically just wrap around her and give her the phototherapy she needs while you hold her. This wraps around her and then this bigger part goes on her back."
"Ok," Maya said, "Oh, she just fell asleep."
"I will be quick," Julia said, "But her latest bilirubin numbers were higher than yesterday so she needs to be on the lights."
"Is that bad?" Maya asked, "That they went up."
"It is normal," Julia said as she carefully wrapped the smaller part of the blanket around Lia that on a full-term baby would only cover their chest, but on Lia covered just about her entire body, "They are still within the safe range that won't cause damage to her body, but we need to keep them from getting higher and the lights are the best way to do that. Well, that and feeding, but we are not going to push that too hard right now."
"Is Dr. Jax concerned about NEC?" Carina asked.
"Not yet," Julia said, looking at Lia who let out a little cry, "Oh, I am so sorry. There we go. Now you can cuddle with Mommy. I'm sorry I disturbed you."
Lia's eyes opened for a second when she had been lifted off Maya but as soon as she was back in contact with the blonde, she went right back to sleep.
"Sorry," Julia said, "Dr. Jax is not overly concerned with NEC right now. Her belly is soft and it isn't swollen. She is still passing stool fine and while she spit up last night, it was just regular spit up which is not a big concern. We are watching her closely, but even just since we pulled her feeds back to what they were yesterday, she has settled a lot. The fact that she is sleeping right now is excellent."
"Ok," Carina said, nodding.
"If that changes, we will let you know right away," Julia said, "But for now, we are not too worried. I did want to let you guys know that she did lose about an ounce and a half since she was born which is totally normal and expected, but I just wanted to keep you updated on that little change. Everything else is looking good though. Do either of you need anything?"
"No," Maya said, as Carina shook her head.
"If you do, just let me know," Julia said, walking away.
Maya and Carina sat there for a good long time as Lia slept, just watching her for any signs that she might be hurting. Luckily, she seemed calm and when she woke up, the fussiness from before was gone.
"See, I told you laying on Mommy is the best place to be to feel better," Carina said as Lia's eyes opened, "You look much calmer now Trottolina."
"Did you want a turn with her?" Maya asked.
"We are probably going to have to go back upstairs soon," Carina said, "They will want to do rounds and get you discharged."
"No," Maya said, "No, I am not ready. I can't be discharged yet. What about Lia?"
"Bambina, you know that you are going to be discharged long before she will be," Carina said, "We can come visit her all the time, and we don't have to go home as soon as you are discharged, but we also do need to go home tonight. We promised the twins cuddles."
"I just…I don't want to leave her," Maya said, holding the baby tighter against her chest.
"I know," Carina sighed, I don't either."
"We could just move into your office," Maya said, "The twins love playing there anyway and we could just stay there until Lia can come home."
"As much as I want to say yes and stay here with her and never leave her side, that is not a solution," Carina said gently, "The twins need us at home with them. Lia is just fine here with her nurses making sure she is ok, but Rowan and Nora need us home. We can come back here every single day and visit and the NICU is open 24 hours a day for parents so we can come whenever we want or we can take turns coming while the other person is home with the twins when they are not in daycare."
"I hate the thought of not being in the same building as her," Maya said, tears threatening to spill down her cheeks, "She's so tiny. She needs her mommy and mamma."
"I know," Carina sighed, not sure of what to say because she felt the same way.
She had plenty of patients who had NICU babies and she had no idea how they managed and going through it now gave her a whole new respect for those parents. She was trying very hard to be strong for her wife right now because she knew that Maya was probably going to have a breakdown when they left today and while she also wanted to, she knew one of them had to remain calm and she was determined to be that for Maya.
They sat there for a little while longer, Maya just holding Lia close before they decided it was time to head upstairs.
"After we get you discharged, we can come back down here," Carina said as they got back to Maya's room, "Amelia texted this morning and said that she was off again today which seems kinda crazy to me that she had two days in a row off, but she does so she is keeping the girls at her house with Harper again and I think she mentioned taking them to the splash park this morning and then will bring them home whenever we want. I was thinking maybe after their nap that way we can spend a few hours with them before dinner and then bedtime?"
"Ok," Maya said, nodding a little bit, "I want to spend time with them. I miss them so much and I know they need it too, but I just…the thought of leaving Lia here and not having her with us at home…"
"I know," Carina said, pulling Maya into her arms, "It is not going to be easy. But we will make it work. We have made hard things work before. And we can come back here whenever we want. The twins will go back to daycare and we can come be with Lia. Or we can take turns staying home with the girls and coming to see Lia. We don't have to figure that out now. Right now, let's get you ready to be discharged. How do you feel about another sitz bath?"
"I think that sounds perfect," Maya said as she and Carina went into the bathroom.
Once that was done, they started packing up everything in the room, almost finishing as Dr. Johnson came in. "
Hey," she said, "How are we feeling today?"
"Tired," Maya said, "Not ready to leave."
"I know," Dr. Johnson said, "How is Lia doing?"
"She's ok," Maya said, "On CPAP and struggling with jaundice and a little bit of an upset stomach this morning, but she seemed better before we came up here. She's doing pretty well I think."
"Si," Carina nodded, noticing her wife glance at her for reassurance, "She is doing very well. For 31 weeks, she looks great."
"Good," Dr. Johnson said, "Maya, would you be ok if I gave you a quick exam?"
"Ok," Maya nodded, laying down on the bed, wincing a little because her body was still incredibly sore.
"How has the discharge been?" Dr. Johnson asked as Maya got into position on the bed.
"It's slowing down," Maya said, "It's still a lot, but it's better than right after I gave birth.".
"And the pain?" Dr. Johnson asked as she pulled on a pair of gloves.
"Not too bad unless I have to go to pee," Maya said, "Then it burns. It's not like a burning like a UTI, more like in my lady parts. But Carina helped me get a sitz bath and that helped."
"And that is normal and will get better in the next week or two," Dr. Johnson said, "Well, it looks like everything is healing up well. I don't see anything worrying. If you start bleeding more or if your pain gets a lot worse, call. If you spike another fever or start feeling really sick, also call. I am sending you home with one of the few people who knows more about all of this than I do so I know you are in good hands. You are technically free to drive if you really want to, but I usually tell moms to give it a week or two just to give yourself time to recover. I want to see you back in 6 weeks for your postpartum visit. No lifting anything over 10 lbs. No exercise or sex until then either. Basically just take it easy. If it hurts, don't do it. Your body just went through something very hard. Give it the time it needs to heal. If you have any questions before then, feel free to call though I am sure you will just use your personal at home expert."
"Probably," Maya said, smiling at her wife, "But I will call if anything changes."
"Good," Dr. Johnson said, "Well, do you have any more questions for me?"
"I don't think so," Maya said, shaking her head.
"Alright," Dr. Johnson said, "Then you are officially discharged. I will get the nurse to bring in the paperwork and then you are free to go. Congratulations again on little Miss Lia. I hope she continues to get better."
"Thank you," Maya said.
"I'll send the nurse right in with the papers," Dr. Johnson said, "And I will see you in 6 weeks Maya. And Carina, I'm sure I will see you around when you are back to work."
"Si," Carina nodded as Dr. Johnson left the room, "Bambina, I am going to run some of this stuff down to the car so that once you are discharged, we can just go down to the NICU again."
"Ok," Maya nodded, giving Carina a quick kiss as the Italian left the room with most of their bags.
Maya sat on the bed, feeling like she got hit with an emotional train. She couldn't even think straight and it took everything in her to remind herself to breathe. The nurse came in a few minutes after Carina left, giving her her discharge papers which she signed before being left alone in the room again.
By the time Carina got back, Maya was almost in tears.
"Hey," Carina said, immediately seeing the look on her wife's face, "What's wrong?"
"I don't know," Maya said, trying not to sob.
"It's ok," Carina said, pulling her into a hug, "I am right here. This is probably a lot of things all hitting you at once si? Exhaustion and anxiety and postpartum hormones and just being overwhelmed. It is ok."
"I just want it to stop," Maya choked out.
"I know," Carina said, her heart breaking for her wife as she fought her own tears, "And it will. It won't be like this forever. But I know it feels so overwhelming right now. I am right here."
Maya clung to her wife as she cried, Carina letting a few tears slip down her own cheeks as she held her close. Eventually, Maya pulled away, Carina grabbing some tissues gently wiping Maya's cheeks and nose before quickly wiping her own eyes as well.
"Are you ok?" Maya asked.
"It's just a lot," Carina said, "Are you ready to go back to Lia?"
"Are you sure you are ok?" Maya asked, hating the thought that her wife was not properly caring for herself because she was looking after her.
"For right now, si," Carina nodded with a smile, "Now, let's go find our Trottolina."
They grabbed the last of their things before leaving the room and heading down to the NICU again. Lia was much more settled and much calmer now, Carina taking a turn holding her with the Bili blanket for a while though Pam did tell them that the doctor said she could only be out of the incubator lights for an hour every four hours, even with the blanket.
After Lia had to go back in, Maya went to express, her milk still not coming in which Carina assured her could still be perfectly normal.
Once she was done with that, they went to the cafeteria, grabbing some food, retreating to Carina's office to eat it, the hustle and bustle of the cafeteria too much for both of them at the moment. After lunch, they spent more time with Lia, Maya taking a turn to hold her when it was time.
By the time it was time for Lia to go back in her incubator, Amelia had texted letting Maya and Carina know the twins were up from their nap.
"I think it's time to go Bambina," Carina said, not looking at her wife.
"I know," Maya said, voice shaky as she stared at Lia, "God, this is even harder than I thought it would be."
"I know," Carina said, putting her hand into Maya's, squeezing it tightly, "We can come back tomorrow."
"Yeah," Maya sighed before slipping her hand into the incubator, "Goodbye Lia. Mamma and I will be back tomorrow. We will miss you all night. And if you aren't feeling good, just let your nurses know and we will come back, ok?"
"Te voglio bene Lia," Carina said, placing a hand on Lia's back, "I hope you get lots of sleep tonight. We will miss you so much."
They stood there for another minute before Maya looked at Carina.
"I need you to start walking away and hold on tightly to my hand and make me come with you," Maya said, "I…I can't do this on my own."
"You aren't on your own," Carina said, pressing a kiss to the back of Maya's hand before she started walking, "I am right here with you through all of this."
Maya nodded, forcing herself not to look back as they left the NICU, knowing that if she did, she would never leave. They walked toward the exit, running into Andrew on their way out.
"Hey," he said, seeing the tears on both their faces, "What's going on?"
"I got discharged," Maya said, wiping at her eyes.
"But that's…oh," Andrew said, realizing what that meant, "You are going home and Lia has to stay here."
"Si," Carina nodded, squeezing Maya's hand.
"Well, I am working overnight tonight," he said, "I can sneak into the NICU when I have time and check on my perfect little niece. I'll even send updates if I can."
"Really?" Maya said, looking at Andrew, "Thank you so much Andrew."
"Hey, you guys are family," he said, "It's what family does. Plus, I wouldn't mind a tiny little bit of zio/nipote time, even if it's just for a minute or two. You know I love your girls, Lia included."
"Grazie Andrea," Carina said, giving her brother a hug.
"I can't even imagine how hard it is to not be here with her all the time," Andrew said, "And if I can help with that, even just a tiny bit, I will do anything."
"You are the best Andrew," Maya said, smiling at him just a little bit.
"I'm gonna remind you of that next time you are yelling at me for being stupid," he said, "Now go home. Hug the twins and get some real sleep in a bed that doesn't have side rails on it. I will text updates when I can."
"Grazie," Carina called as they walked out of the hospital, "It makes me feel just slightly better that she will at least have her zio with her tonight."
Maya hummed a little, wincing at the bright and hot August sun.
"I don't think I have been outside since my waters broke," the blonde said as Carina guided them to the car, "The sun feels good."
"It does," Carina nodded, "Now, are you ready to go home?"
"This is not the trip I imagined we would be taking after I delivered," Maya sighed as they got in the car, "I imagined sitting in the back seat with the baby after checking the car seat a million times and trying not to throw up because of how carsick I get but needing to be next to her anyway and then carrying her into the house and spending time letting the girls get to know her and hold her and it would be perfect and instead, we are going home with an empty backseat to three year olds who are confused about their sister."
"I know," Carina sighed, "It's not how I imagined it either. But we will get to have those moments eventually. Lia will come home and it will be magical and the twins will love her and we will hold her and spend time together. It just won't be for a little while."
"I know," Maya said, "I know I need to try to think like that, but it is just so hard."
"I know it is," Carina said, leaning over and kissing her forehead before she backed the car up, "And it's ok that it's hard. None of this has been easy, but we are going to get through it together."
Maya nodded, turning to look out the window.
"Amelia said she will have the girls home in about half an hour," Carina said, "So we can get settled in before they get home. Maybe take a quick shower or something? I know I need one."
"Ok," Maya said, still staring out the window.
They got home, Carina carrying all the bags in, insisting that Maya just rest which the blonde didn't argue with her about which worried Carina but she also knew Maya was exhausted so she didn't say anything.
They got inside, going upstairs to shower. Maya was clearly sore, moving a lot slower than she normally would, but they did manage to actually get clean and into pajamas before there was a knock at the door.
"If you are tired, you can just stay up here in bed," Carina said, seeing the look on her wife's face.
"No," Maya said, "No, I'll come downstairs. Maybe we can do a movie afternoon or something? I know they probably need to be active, but I don't think I have the energy."
"I think that will be a perfect afternoon," Carina said as they made their way downstairs.
Maya was a few steps behind Carina, her body very tired and achy.
"Mommy Mamma," the twins yelled, running into the house, Nora running straight to Carina while Rowan ran up the two steps to get to Maya.
"Woah," Maya said, almost falling as Rowan slammed herself into her.
"Are you otay Mommy?" Rowan said, looking at her with wide eyes.
"I'm ok," Maya said, smiling at her, "I just wasn't ready for such a big hug. Hi."
"Hi Mommy," Rowan said looking up at her with her big blue eyes, "I misseded you."
"I missed you too," Maya said, finishing coming down the steps with Rowan at her side.
"Mommy," Nora said, moving from hugging Carina to hugging Maya, "Uppie."
"I can't pick you up for a little while," Maya said, "My body has to heal from having Lia."
"Where is my baby Totoino Yia?" Rowan asked.
"She is still at the hospital, remember?" Carina reminded her, "She has to stay there until she grows bigger."
"Oh," Rowan said, frowning.
"Mommy, can we go cuddle on the couch?" Nora asked.
"Sure," Maya nodded, "Thank you Amelia."
"No problem," Amelia called after her before turning to Carina, "I have dinner for you guys for tonight. It's something Link's mom made. Some kind of broccoli chicken rice bake. I don't know. It tastes good."
"Grazie," Carina said, taking it from her, "Did you want to come in?"
"No," Amelia said, "I need to get going and you guys need your family time. If you need anything, just let me know. Their clothes are all in this bag and clean. And we have a meal rotation for you guys for the next three weeks. Just like when you had your surgery, if you don't need it, just text me or Andy and we will communicate with whoever needs to know."
"Grazie Amelia," Carina said, "For everything."
"Of course," Amelia said, "How are you guys doing?"
"Leaving today was really hard," Carina said, tears pricking her eyes, "Lia had a rough night and she was fussy this morning, and even though she was better by the end of the morning, just thinking that she could have another tough night or need us and we aren't there with her…it's so hard."
"I'm so sorry," Amelia said, "Is there anything I can do? Do you want me to go sit with her tonight? Cause I will. Link's mom always wants more time with the kids."
"No," Carina said, shaking her head, "Thank you though. Andrea is on shift tonight so he is keeping an eye on her. I think this is just going to be a long few months before we get her home."
"I'm sure," Amelia nodded, "Well if you think of anything you need, let me know. I'll let you guys go get some family time. They were really wanting to come home before nap today, but luckily, they were tired enough from the splashpad that they crashed without much of a fight. They were very excited when I told them that it was time to go home though."
"Thank you for keeping them for us the past two nights," Carina said, "Getting to be in the hospital with Maya and Lia…I can't imagine not being there so thank you for letting me."
"Of course," Amelia said, "And any time you guys need them to go somewhere overnight, our house is always open. Scout and Harper love having them around."
"Mamma," the heard Rowan call from the other room just then.
"I'll let you get back to your family," Amelia said.
"Grazie Amelia," Carina said as the neurosurgeon left.
"Mamma, come on," Rowan said, coming to find her, "We are gonna cuddle and watch mobies."
"That sounds like a great plan," Carina said, "Let me go put this in the fridge and get Mommy something to drink and then we can watch a movie, ok?"
"Me too," Rowan said, "I want a dwink too."
"Ok," Carina said, "I can get you a drink too."
The Italian went into the kitchen, going to put the casserole in the fridge only to be shocked by what she found inside. The fridge, which she knew was very empty when she had left almost three days ago, was now full of milk and fruit and veggies and everything they needed and when she opened the freezer, she found several homemade frozen meals there.
She didn't have time to sort out who exactly did that at the moment, knowing her girls were impatiently waiting for her, but she had a suspicion that it came from Station 19 or maybe some of Maya's other stations.
Once she got the drinks and washed some berries for everyone to have as a snack, she went into the living room.
"What are we watching?" she asked, handing out cups.
"Land Before Time at Nora's request," Maya said.
"Of course," Carina said, laughing as she settled on the couch with her family.
The rest of the night passed smoothly, the four of them mostly just hanging out on the couch. When Maya had to express, she was going to just go in another room, but Nora started crying and she ended up just doing it on the couch which Rowan had a million questions about that Carina helped answer.
"So Mommy makes milk in her boobies and then Yia dwinks it?" Rowan asked again at the end of the conversation.
"Si," Carina nodded, "And the milk Mommy makes will help Lia get bigger."
"So she can come home?" Rowan asked.
"That's the hope," Maya said as she finished with her expressing, setting the bottle on the table so she could rezip her sweatshirt.
"Mommy, you need to tell your boobies to make yots of milk so my baby Totoino Yia tan come home faster," Rowan said, looking at Maya.
"That's not really how it works Patatina," Carina said, "Lia's body can only take so much milk and right now, Mommy is making just the right amount for Lia to have. But just like it takes you a little while to grow, it will also take Lia a little while to get bigger too. We just have to wait." "Wif the papers," Nora said, reference the paper chains.
"Si," Carina said, standing up, taking the milk to put it in the fridge and also to go put dinner in the over, "With the paper chains. We can cut them after we have dinner tonight, ok?"
Nora nodded as she settled back down with Maya on the couch, a place she had barely moved from since they got home. They watched their movie and then started another one, this time Rowan picking out Moana.
Before that movie was done, it was time for dinner which they ate at the table though Maya just kinda picked at hers.
"Are you ok?" Carina asked quietly as she got up to get Rowan another helping of food.
Maya nodded a little, though Carina could see the tears she was trying to hold back. The Italian didn't say anything else, just pressing a firm kiss to the top of Maya's head, squeezing her shoulder before going to get Rowan the food she requested.
"Mommy," Nora said, drawing Maya's attention.
"Yes Piccola?" Maya said, offering her a tired smile.
"Does your tummy hurt?" Nora asked.
"Not really, no," Maya said, "Why?"
"Tetause you didn't eat your dinner," Nora said.
"I'm just not very hungry right now," Maya said, "I am sad and it is making me not hungry."
"Why are you sad?" Rowan asked, knitting her eyebrows together.
"I am just missing Lia and wishing she was here with us right now," Maya explained, trying not to cry, "But I will be ok. I am also very tired and you know that sometimes when you are tired, you feel your emotions a lot bigger?"
"Yike when I try cause I want to go to bed?" Nora said.
"Just like that," Maya nodded.
"And you have hormomes," Rowan said.
"And I also have hormones," Maya said with a small smile.
"Sorry you are sad Mommy," Nora said, reaching her hand over and placing it on Maya's, "I love you."
"I love you too Nora," Maya said, wiping a rogue tear off her cheek.
"I love you too Mommy," Rowan said, also reaching out her hand.
"And I love you too Mommy," Carina said, placing Rowan's plate down in front of her before wrapping her arms around her wife's neck from behind.
"I love all of you so much," Maya said, squeezing the twins' hands as she leaned back into Carina's touch.
They stayed there for a minute more before everyone went back to their seats to finish up dinner. After dinner, Maya took the twins upstairs to help them change into their pajamas because they had already had their bath after the splash park at Amelia's.
Once that was done and Carina was done cleaning up the kitchen, all four of them piled into Maya and Carina's bed for more cuddles and to read books. Carina did most of the reading, the twins requesting mostly Italian books for the night, something which Maya was grateful for both because she wasn't sure she would be able to get through a book because she was so tired her brain wouldn't focus and because listening to her wife read in Italian was something that was incredibly soothing to her.
Nora tucked herself into Maya's side, playing with her hair with the hand she wasn't using to suck her fingers as Rowan sat closer to Carina, playing with her rings absentmindedly as she listened to the stories.
Eventually, Nora fell asleep and Rowan was getting close, Carina carrying both of them to bed before going back to her wife who was lying in bed, just staring. Just as she was about to ask what she needed, her phone buzzed and when she looked, she saw Andrew had sent a message.
"Bambina, look," Carina said, sitting down in bed next to Maya, "Andrea sent us something."
Carina opened the message, smiling when she saw the photo of Lia, still curled up in her incubator under the Bili lights, cover on her eyes and the message that said, "Just came to visit this little one. She is sleeping. The nurses said she has been doing well. She wants me to tell you she loves you both and she hopes you get a good night sleep and to tell her sisters she loves them too…And that Zio Andrea is her favorite zio."
"I'm glad she's doing ok tonight," Maya said, reaching out and touching the phone gently as if she could reach through it and touch their daughter.
"Si," Carina said, "And that Andrea was able to go check on her. I trust the NICU doctors and nurses 100% but just knowing he is there too makes it a little better."
"I agree," Maya nodded, wiping at her tears, "I can't wait to get back to her in the morning. I mean, I love being with the twins and being home, but I miss her so much."
"Lo so," Carina said, "I do too. Tomorrow, if the twins are ok, we can take them to daycare and if not, we will take you to the hospital and then I will stay home with them."
"They seemed ok tonight," Maya said, "I mean, Nora was very clingy and Ro was too a little bit, but they weren't having too hard of a time."
"I know," Carina said, "I just hope they sleep tonight. If they don't, I will get up with them or go sleep in the guest room with them or something."
"Babe, I'm going to be up every three hours to take care of my boobs," Maya said, "I'll take care of the twins if they need it. You look exhausted and you need to sleep too, remember? I am taking care of you too. We are a team in this. I know I have not done a great job of that, but I am here for you too."
"You have been here for me," Carina said, "I think we both are just exhausted physically and emotionally. How about I go get you something to drink because if you are going to be pumping, you need to be hydrated and get bottles and everything together so you can pump or express or whatever you need tonight and then we go to bed? Or do you want to do something else?"
"No, bed is good," Maya said, "Can I do another sitz bath before we sleep though?"
"Of course," Carina nodded, "Just sit tight. I will be back in a few minutes."
Once Maya had done her sitz bath and another round of expressing and got the milk stored, they got into bed.
"I am very glad that we will not be woken up by alarms and vitals checks," Carina said, "I love my nurses and I know everything is important, but that is not a place to get sleep."
"I have alarms set for every three hours all night," Maya said, "So I'm not sure how much more sleep is going to happen here."
"At least here we are comfortable," Carina said as they settled into bed, "And we have more room. Now, do you need anything else?"
"No," Maya said, "Not besides our baby being home which can't happen."
"Lo so," Carina said, kissing her gently, "I wish I could make that happen."
"I know," Maya sighed, "I love you." "I love you too," Carina said, giving her another kiss, "Please wake me up if you need anything tonight, ok?"
"Ok," Maya said, "And you too. If you need me, wake me up too."
"Promise," Carina said, pulling Maya a little closer to her, both of them very unsure about how sleep was going to go but knowing that that had each other and that was enough.