"So if I understand your problem, you weren't ready to get married to this girl, and you didn't even lie with her once?"
"No, of course not. She'd get pregnant if I did that! I'm not ready to be a father, and I'm not putting her through a pregnancy with my demigod bastard."
Zeus stared blankly at his son, and Hercules wondered if the statue was cracked, interrupting communications with his father, or if the king of the gods really didn't understand the problem. "Did I ever tell you about a girl from Thebes named Semele?"
"Uh…" This was what someone from Rome might call a non sequitur. "No?"
"A few generations ago, I wanted to understand why I was getting so many complaints out of Thebes. The rest of Thebes seemed to be running well, but Thebans kept beseeching me as if it was an apocalypse every week. So I went down there in disguise. Your mother thought it was a stupid idea and that I should just go down there as myself and interview some citizens so they'd have a chance to explain their situation to me face to face. But I thought I knew what I was doing."
"And you… met Semele."
"She was gorgeous! Purple eyes, can you believe it? And this reddish-brown hair and she looked so exotic because her family was Phonecian before moving to Greece… She was clever, too. She explained all about the curse on Thebes and how it did lots of things that Ares never really intended it to."
Hercules's whole abdominal wall tensed up at the description of Semele. A Theban girl who looked just like Meg and his father had been attracted to her? Was it a good thing that he and his father were attracted to the same kind of girl? While he wasn't sure he wanted to know, he ventured the question, "What happened to her?"
"Ah! Well… it was a learning experience! She got me to promise I'd do whatever she wanted this one time, and I did. It was uh… not good. Anyway, that's how Dionysus was born!"
"Dio…?"
"We call him Bacchus now. He's going through a bit of a phase. You know how it is, sometimes a kid just wants to rebel and do something fun for a while instead of having lots of pressure on them, and then they go on a fifty-year bender and change everything about themselves."
Hercules paused. "That… doesn't… sound… normal. Is Bacchus okay?"
"Of course he is! All he does is drink and party! Sounds like a pretty good life to me!"
Hercules made a mental note to ask his divine brother if he was going through something and needed someone to talk to. Not that he was the best person to talk to.
"So, can I ask you what I should do for Meg? What would you have done to apologize to Semele?"
"Well, I definitely wouldn't have let her burst into flames!" Zeus laughed, but Hercules could only stare.
"Wow, so… Got it. Thanks for your time, Father. I've got some philosophy homework to catch up on."
"I love our little chats!" Zeus beamed. "Talk to you again soon!"
As soon as the statue had gone still and gray, Hercules ran his hands through his hair. "What in the cosmos was that?" he asked nobody in particular and went running out of the temple.
Pegasus was grazing outside and smiled at him through a mouthful of grass.
"Wrong set of parents to ask about this," he told his friend. "Let's get out of here, buddy. I've got one more appointment to make. You like the sheep in Arcadia, right?"
Pegasus rolled his eyes.
"Right, I know, but c'mon, it won't be for too long."
He'd just climbed onto Pegasus's back when a column of pink light formed in front of him, and flower petals swirled through the air.
"Aphrodite, Aphrodite, Aphroditeeeee…" Chimed a chorus of crooning male singers. "The goddess of love!" a female chorus ended.
There stood the goddess herself, out in the middle of nowhere.
"Oh… hi there, Aphrodite… I didn't… summon you…"
"Ugh, I know, but that desperation alone was enough to drag me out of the spa early! Where'd you get the idea to talk to your father about this problem, a cherub's diaper? You're such a nice kid, Herc, but you'll never get every answer from the big guy. Some things are just for professionals!"
"Sorry?"
"That's the word for the day, isn't it?" Aphrodite asked.
Hercules let out a groan and bowed his head. "So you're gonna pile on about how stupid I am? Are you going to remind me how much my girlfriend needed me and how I blew it because of my rigid adherence to an ideology I only half understand?"
"Uh… nope, seems like you handled that pretty well yourself. Here's what you're going to do: you're coming with me to my exclusive spa for just the divine. You're semi-divine. I can squeeze you in, no problem!"
"That doesn't really solve my problem…"
"Not yet! But I've got lots of things stocked up there, the sorts of things I give people who've served me for long enough to earn special blessings."
"You'd just give me something? Wouldn't Meg rather I did something heroic for her? Maybe I should go somewhere and fight something and bring her back the pelt so she can wear it as a cloak?"
"Focus, loverboy!" Aphrodite tapped the sides of her head with daintily manicured fingers. "Ya make a public statement and a private statement. I'll help you make something that'll knock her sandals off, and then you'll take weekly lessons from me on what not to say to a girl. I can-not sit around and listen to you ruining this relationship! It is way too upsetting."
"Yes, ma'am. Thanks."
"Don't thank me yet, kiddo. I remember what happened with Galatea! You still have a lot to learn, you little heartbreaker. I'm not letting you back into the wild before I'm sure you're not going to wreck this like you did the Athenian temple district."
He laughed nervously rather than remind Aphrodite that he'd had help with that. "Do you think you could tell me how Meg feels about me first? I keep thinking about it ever since I said what I said."
"Hmm… I don't know if that's any of your business. Those are her feelings to share when she feels like it, not yours."
"You're right…" Hercules bowed his head. "I'll go with you… I've got to set this right, even if she decides she doesn't love me at the end of this. I have to do the right thing."
"There's that maturity we're after!" Aphrodite clapped for him. Slowly. "But I'll tell ya one thing." She leaned in for a conspiratorial whisper, "She publicly declared her love for you today when some other girls said they were interested in you, and then she also turned down some other guy."
Some of the tension seeped out of Hercules's body, and his heart resumed a normal rate. "She did all that?"
"I get a notification any time a mortal declares their love, and she was really loud. So let's make sure you don't let her down twice, okay?"