24 February 2024

Chapter 5: Fairy Tales

Saturday came too quickly. Kyoko had been dreading it, regretting the fact that she'd agreed to going to the movies with Hikaru Ishibashi at all in the first place.

"What's up with you?" Kanae asked her. "You're usually giddy on movie days, and now you look like your best friend just got bitten."

Kyoko pouted over her breakfast cereal. "Please don't get bitten, Moko," she said. "Really, It's nothing. Really. Maybe I'm just getting too old for the movies—"

"Nonsense," Kanae said. "You love the movies, and the fact that you're not bouncing up and down over Snow White is almost scary. Come on. 'Fess up." She glared at Kyoko until the girl quailed, blushed, and then planted her head face-first onto the table.

"ItoldHikaruIshibashiI'dgowithhim," she muttered into its surface.

"What?"

"I'mgoingtothemoviewithHikaru," Kyoko muttered again.

"Kyoko Mogami, if you don't slow down and speak up, I'm telling the entire Food Hall how you feel about Ren Tsuruga!"

Kyoko rose up in a panic, her cheeks turning a bright red as she stuttered. "No—no, Moko, please don't do that—"

"Finally! She admits it," Kanae said.

"Wait—wait, no, Moko—you've got the wrong idea!"

Kanae pursed her lips. "Why is it so hard for you to admit you have feelings for him?" Kanae asked.

"I don't—"

Kanae raised an eyebrow.

Kyoko sighed. "Is it that obvious?"

"Yes," Kanae said bluntly. "To your friends, at least."

"Do you think he knows?" Kyoko asked miserably. "Am I that obvious?"

"No, I don't think he knows," Kanae answered. "But it's not because you're not obvious. It's just that he's as hopeless as you are."

Kanae was ready for her friend's reaction, moving with practiced ease as she clapped a firm hand to trap the rising wail out of Kyoko's mouth.

"I'm not going to argue with you about it," she said. "I know what you said last time we talked about him, but I know you know how he feels about you, whether or not you admit it. You're too smart and too observant to be that oblivious." She tapped an impatient finger onto the table. "Anyway. What were you saying? One more time," she said. "Slowly."

Kyoko looked to the side, refusing to meet her eyes.

"I…I told Hikaru Ishibashi I'd go to the movie with him tonight," she said.

Kanae grinned at her.

Kyoko groaned.

"So you're going on a daaaate," she said. "Wow. Seems like all Hikaru had to do was wait until Ren got distracted…"

"Moko," Kyoko said miserably. "Please."

Kanae's glance softened. "I'm sorry," she said. "For the record, I don't think Ren's interested in Ruriko at all."

"They've been spending an awful lot of time together," she said. It was true, too. Ren spent hours each day with Ruriko, and he always looked like he was having a good time.

"Yes, because Lory's making Tsuruga tutor her."

Kyoko wouldn't be deterred. "She's really pretty." She was. She had unusually pale skin, elegant features, and long black hair that fell like black silk all the way down to her waist. Kyoko had eaten her heart out of envy—not that she would ever admit that to anyone.

"So what? She's pretty, but you're beautiful," Kanae said. She glared as Kyoko's mouth opened to protest. "And if you deny it, so help me, Kyoko, I will strangle you!"

Kyoko paled and then deflated. "It doesn't matter whether he is or he isn't interested," she said.

"Clearly it matters, Kyoko," Kanae said. "You're skulking around the Freehold like a criminal. You're distracted when we spar!"

"See?" Kyoko said sullenly. "I need to get over this. Distraction is death—"

"Kyoko, in case you haven't noticed, we haven't lost anyone in years. People fall in love all the time here. Lory practically thrives on that true love stuff."

Kyoko was silent. She disagreed with Lory on his stance on love. The man seemed to buy into that old pre-Zero adage of 'all you need is love,' but what had love ever done for her? Nothing. Love had gotten her mother pregnant with an unwanted baby. She'd seen people lose their heads—literally—over and over again for love. She'd seen husbands run into hordes of Walkers for their wives, and mothers throw everything away to save their children. Love got you killed. It was the ultimate distraction.

"Yeah, and none of those people are on the Recon or Forward teams," Kyoko responded. It was true, too. Most Freeholders had some kind of Walker combat training, but only a subset of them actively fought Walkers as their primary duty. Everyone on Recon—Yashiro, Kijima, Ren, Kyoko—was single. "I don't want—"

"—to have anything precious here," Kanae finished for her. "I know. You keep saying that. But the point of the Freehold is that people help people live real lives. We all pull together so that not everyone has to be on Walker duty." She put her hands on her hips and gave Kyoko a stern look. "I'll concede your point that having…feelings…for someone can be distracting," she said, "but I disagree that feelings mean certain death."

"It's all pointless anyway," Kyoko huffed. "Even if the first bit is true, Ren would get tired of me."

"Kyoko."

Kanae was shaking her head as Kyoko looked up at her. "What?" she asked. "It's true."

"It's not true," Kanae said, truly baffled. "What in the world…?"

"Because!" Kyoko responded. "I'm…I'm not…"

"Not what?" Kanae asked. She was remembering what Kyoko had said about herself during their session. "Not pretty? Not feminine? Please."

Kyoko sniffled.

"And you're graceful and elegant—you're graceful and elegant even when you're hacking off some Walker's head. Frankly, I don't believe for a second that Tsuruga wants some delicate spoiled brat. I've seen him when he looks at you—"

But Kyoko was wailing. "Mooookooo—"

"No, don't 'Moko' me," Kanae said. "You're perfectly worthy of Tsuruga's lo—" Kanae paused and thought the better of it. That word would surely be incendiary. "—interest," she finished.

Kyoko was blushing a deep red but couldn't find words just then to counter what Kanae had said. Kanae looked over at her. "But it doesn't change the fact that you're going to be late for your date—"

"—not a date—" Kyoko mumbled.

"Date," Kanae said firmly, "with Hikaru if you don't start getting ready now."

"But—"

"But?"

"DoIhaveto?" she whimpered.

"You said you would," Kanae pointed out. "It might be good for you to go out there, just for once, with someone."

"I didn't think it would be a date date," Kyoko said, dejected.

"Then go out and see that movie with him the same way you'd go and see it with me," Kanae said.

Kyoko's eyes brightened. "Moko—"

"And no, I'm not going to see it with you," Kanae said. She saw Kyoko's blushing, embarrassed face and wondered how it was possible for someone to be so good at decapitating walkers and yet so hopeless in matters of love. She took pity on her friend. "Look," she said, "just tell him. I know you want to pretend you don't know how he feels, but that would be disingenuous. Just tell him, 'Hey, Hikaru-kun, I love being your friend but I don't want anything more than that.'"

"Isn't it presumptuous to assume he has feelings for me?" Kyoko asked.

"It would be if it weren't so obvious," Kanae said, exasperated. "You know how Hikaru and Ren feel, Kyoko. I think you want to be in denial, but you're too smart and you're too observant—half the men at LME would be in love with you if Ren weren't scaring them all off—"

"That's going too far, Moko," Kyoko said glumly. "Even if I admitted Hikaru and Ren had a…crush…on me, I'm not so conceited as to ever think so many men would be interested." She shook her head. "And it doesn't change anything. I…don't want to be with anyone."

"Nothing precious," Kanae said.

"Nothing precious," Kyoko echoed. "What's the good of falling in love with someone if they just end up dead?"

Kanae sighed and shook her head. "Well. Anyway."

"Anyway," Kyoko said glumly.

"Anyway, you should let Hikaru down gently."

Kyoko took a deep breath in and nodded. "Sure you won't come with us?" she asked.

"Quite," Kanae said, and walked away.

=.=.=.=

"Somedaaaay my priiiince will come…."

Kyoko sat awkwardly in her chair. Next to her, Hikaru Ishibashi was also sitting awkwardly, reaching over from time to time to pick a kernel or two of popcorn from the bag on her lap.

They were seated way up in front—the last two chairs available. Movie nights were popular in the Freehold, and the Commons filled up quickly in front of the large white sheet they used as a screen for Lory's ancient projector. She was glad they'd managed to find seating at all. The last thing she wanted to do was lounge on a picnic blanket with Hikaru…like young lovers often did.

She bit back a sigh. Everything just felt wrong. Even the movie felt wrong—and she loved Dajowney movies. Every single one she'd ever seen had captivated her, though she'd only seen the few that had been featured during LME's Movie Nights. She knew Snow White was the oldest of them all, but…was the girl just going to warble and look cute for her entire story? Elsa had rescued herself, her sister, and her kingdom. Ariel and Moana and Belle—all of them had fought for themselves in some way.

But Snow White? Snow White was passive. Snow White sat around and waited—when she wasn't stumbling around for her life like some kind of newborn foal in the woods.

And that high-pitched, childish singing voice grated on Kyoko's nerves.

"Somedaaaaaaayyyy we'll meeeeeeeet agaaaaaaain…"

It didn't help that he was here. With another girl—one who also looked like a doll and happened to have snow-white skin. No, it didn't help at all. It didn't help that she'd walked in and spotted him immediately, seated next to her in the padded corner seats Lory often kept for himself.

"And away to his caaaaastle we'll goooooo…"

Her observant eyes couldn't help but spot the way Ruriko was clinging onto his arm, or the sheepish smile on his face as she did it.

"To be happy forever I knooooooooooow…"

She shook her head to clear the thoughts from her mind. So what if he was here with Ruriko? So what if she was clinging to his arm like an octopus? What did that have to do with anything? She sat down and looked firmly forward, focusing her attention back to a movie that was increasingly grating on her nerves.

"Kyoko-chan?"

She swallowed, remembering where she was and who she was with. Hikaru had said her name softly—even reverently.

"Yes, Hikaru-kun?" she responded—with a smidgen of guilt.

"You seem…upset," he said. "Or maybe…I don't know how else to put it…distracted. Is everything ok?"

"Yes," she said, almost out of reflex. She tried not to sound flustered. "Thank you." She smoothed down the dress she'd borrowed from Kanae, who'd insisted she wear something other than her Recon team uniform. Truly, he'd been lovely all evening—attentive and thoughtful, a good conversationalist, intelligent, and…honestly quite good-looking.

"OK," he said. "Let me know if you want anything—I'll go grab it from the concession stand."

She nodded and smiled as he sat back. They watched the end of the movie together—the evil Queen's transformation into the old witch, the fatal bite of apple, the kiss of True Love. I should love this, Kyoko thought to herself. She loved fairy tales, right? But for some reason—whether it was the movie itself or the circumstances she watched it in, she couldn't wait to leave.

She stood up as soon as 'The End' appeared, not waiting through the swelling music of the end credits as she usually did. "Shall we?" she asked Hikaru.

"Oh!" he said, surprised. "Um. Sure—I thought maybe you'd like some dinner—or something—" People often stayed in the Commons after the movie. It was one of the few times the Freeholders came together—movies reminded everyone, after all, of the world before Zero.

Dinner, Kyoko thought in horror. She and Hikaru had shared plenty of meals before, working at the Kitchenworks. But this would've been a dinner-date, and that was another thing entirely. Dinner like this was something that couples did. There were implications. Worse, sticking around also meant watching Ren and Ruriko together on the other side of the square. She didn't want to be rude, but she couldn't fathom going out on a dinner-date with anyone but Ren. Or watching Ren out on a dinner-date himself with someone else.

Damn her stupid, idiot heart.

"Sorry, Hikaru-kun," she said, mustering a wan smile. "I just don't think I'm feeling all that well tonight—"

"Oh of course," Hikaru said. "I'm sorry—I should have seen that you weren't feeling well." His kind eyes looked at her with concern. "Let me walk you home." He offered her his arm and gave her a gentle smile back.

She waited for half a second. She wasn't used to taking anyone's arm—in fact, before Ren had rescued her, she couldn't recall ever being held. She saw the smile on his face falter a little and felt a little lurch in her stomach. She was a little ashamed of herself. Hikaru-kun was kind and he was good. He was the kind of guy that would treasure his partner for all of his life. She knew that. And she had dismissed him outright for it, choosing not to look deeper. She knew she wasn't being fair—she knew that she'd mean it when she would say "You're a wonderful guy, but…"

Just for that moment, she regretted having met Ren Tsuruga first.

"Well—" he began to say. But she caught his arm just as he was beginning to retract it.

"Thank you for offering," she told him, pulling her own arm through the loop his elbow made and then resting her hand lightly on his arm.

"It's my pleasure," he responded. "Do you want to take the back way through the garden path?"

She suppressed a small start. "How did you know?" she asked. "Most people take the way directly through the Commons square…"

He gave her a bemused look. "You seem to like the garden path," he said. "I've never seen you take the Commons walk when you have the option to go the back way. And it was your idea to landscape it, wasn't it? I like it too. Besides, the moon's out tonight."

"Oh," she said, a little abashed. She knew Moko knew why she took the back way, but she hadn't realized other people had noticed. "Yes. Um. OK—sure."

Her hands felt cold and clammy and her arm felt awkward in his. It was awkward going. She found herself laughing with him as they made their way back to the dormitories, though her mind kept wandering. Sweet as he was, she simply wasn't comfortable around him—there was a distance between them that she wasn't sure he could cross. But she recognized the open heart he was giving her. The fact that her own heart was filled with thoughts of someone else was just an unfortunate accident of fate.

Fate.

What a joke. In this world, you made your own fate.

"...you think you'll ever leave the Recon team, Kyoko-chan?" he was asking.

She jolted out of her reverie. They were halfway down the garden path now, close to the pergola where she'd first heard Ren and Ruriko laughing together.

Leave the Recon team? she asked herself. No, the truth was it had never occurred to her. And why hadn't it? She'd fought all off her life, fighting for her berth in various communes and groupings until she'd ended up with the Fuwas. Here, though, she could put down her blade. Trade in her sword for the plowshare, so to speak. "I honestly have never even thought about it," she said. "I figured it was the best way to pay LME back for the rescue…"

"You know we take in anyone that needs a safe place," he said. "And besides, you've done wonders at the Kitchenworks…"

"I just…wouldn't know what to do with myself, I guess. If I stopped."

"Do you like it?" he asked.

Like it? Kyoko mulled over the question. Fighting wasn't so much something she liked so much as it was…a way of life for her. Most people didn't like having to be on constant alert for Walkers, though most people at the Freehold knew how to defend or run away from them.

"Nnn—" No, she was going to say. But then her mind's eye opened up to a scene mere weeks ago, her voice gleefully calling out her kills as she and Ren rode atop their transport on their last mission. She would be lying, outright, if she denied the existence of that gleeful little hunter inside her. "There's something satisfying about it," she said. "Besides, every dead Walker means one less Walker out to bite someone."

He nodded. "I thought you'd say that," he said.

They walked on quietly. Kyoko could hear the crowd in the distance and the buzzing of cicadas in the night. The moment she was dreading had arrived. She needed to tell him that all she wanted was friendship. No time like the present, she thought to herself.

"Hikaru-kun…" she started. "I need to tell you something…"

"Hmm?" he said, turning his dark brown eyes towards her. He looked sad.

She sighed. She had a feeling he knew what she was about to say—

"I'm wishing…"

Singing. Oh no. The words died on her lips.

"For the one I love…"

She froze, arm still in Hikaru's, as the singing continued. She stopped to listen. The voice was coming from behind them, from somewhere further up the path, and she knew who it was. Ruriko Matsunai, whose gift to the Freehold was …musical talent, apparently.

"To find me…"

She winced. Pale skin was apparently only one of Ruriko's similarities to Snow White. Her singing voice had that warbly, whiny quality too. Kyoko tried and failed to keep herself from groaning out loud.

"Somedaaaay…"

But why was Ruriko singing?

Kyoko looked away from Hikaru's mournful brown eyes, emotions roiling—was she annoyed? Was she relieved? She was jealous and awkward and sad and angry and yes, she did miss talking to Ren—

"You seem to have enjoyed the movie very much," she heard. The voice was unmistakable. Ren. She hated how his voice made the goosebumps rise on her skin.

"Oh I loved it. Who wouldn't?" Ruriko answered. "It's my dream to be princess-carried away by some big, strong, handsome man. Isn't it every woman's? "

Ugh. Kyoko fought the urge to roll her eyes.

"You'd be surprised. I'm pretty sure some women wouldn't like it," Ren said.

"Then are they really women?" Ruriko laughed.

"I don't think 'wanting to be princess-carried' really determines whether someone's a woman, Ruriko-chan."

Kyoko was looking down the path just as Ren and Ruriko turned the corner. In the blink of an eye, she saw that Ren was holding out his arm for Ruriko to hold, just as Hikaru had done for her. She saw that Ruriko was smiling and clinging onto it, a smile on her pretty red lips. She saw that Ren's eyes were on her face—and that he was smiling at her too.

She really didn't want to watch this. She forced herself to blink and was turning away when he looked up—

—and then her eyes met his.

He was still smiling, but his face went wooden.

In the space of one breath, everything went silent. It was just the two of them, Kyoko and Ren, alone in the moonlight. She felt her heart pumping hard, almost as if she'd been running. Every part of her was on high alert.

"Oh look, isn't that what's-her-face?" she heard Ruriko ask.

The spell shattered, and she found herself back in the real world. The real world, where Ren Tsuruga was clearly on a date with someone else, and apparently was having a great time.

…Well, so what? So was she. He was free to date anyone he liked, and so was she. And she would be damned if Ruriko Matsunai had a better night than she did.

Kyoko clenched her eyes shut and then turned around to face Hikaru again, conscious of Ren's eyes still on her. Hikaru hadn't stopped looking at her, either.

She knew what she was going to do.

"I…I just wanted to say," she began. She took in a great breath before she continued, "that I had a great time tonight."

And then, on an impulse, she rose up and kissed him on the cheek. She made a point of ignoring the other couple as she smiled at him.

He looked shocked.

"Shall we keep going? I told Kanae that I'd tell her all about the movie."

"Sure," Hikaru said, dazed.

She kept her back straight as they walked off into the night.

=.=.=

Author's Note: OK, still pantsing. I've got a pretty good idea of what's gonna happen in the next chapter, but I have no idea what'll happen after that. So if you've got ideas, lemme know. In any case, I've been putzing around on the DoK draft, and…I think I was trying to put a square peg in a round hole in that one. So drafting THIS one has been something of a nice distraction, because the ZombieFic is…well, it's supposed to be Zombies Lite, an easy read and an easy draft. I don't know if that'll always be the case, but right now…kinda having fun with it. I wanted to be sure to put something out in February, but it's been a little crazy. I had bronchitis and work in January, and in February I…was three cities and two countries…all for work. And work travel isn't like vacation travel, because work travel just means…2x the work to make up for all the time you spend traveling. ANYWAY…

Thank you for reading, lemme know what you think!

Much love, Parkerbear

2/24/2024