Chapter 8
A choice which changed everything
.
... ... Good morning!
Trinity just lightly stirs in the bed. Her muscles hurt lightly for having been in the same position for too long. Neo's breathing is calm against her nape and her mind struggles between going back to sleep or awakening.
... ... Good morning!
... ... Sati's big dark eyes brighten, mirroring the brightness of her smile...
... ... Cookies need love like everything does ...
She lingers in the peaceful and reassuring feeling coming from the little girl in her dream, just indulging in Neo's embrace. Different images get mixed in her mind as she drifts to the bliss of sleeping again. Images from the Matrix mix with real memories in the usual nonsense of dreams.
... ... 'He really said that? A machine loving another machine? So much that they can risk their existence for saving their er... daughter- program... from deletion?
... ... 'It's been Rama's exact words'... Neo's eyes are serious as they meet Trinity's, their hands hold each other as he's telling her about that encounter... Rama -Kandra , Kamala, Sati. He felt so awkward for feeling exposed in front of Rama's eyes... and yet such in connection with him.
... ... I just have never ... heard a program speaking of love... It is a human emotion.
... ... No, it is a word. What matters is the connection the word implies... I see that you are in love. Can you tell me what you would give to hold on to that connection?
... ... Anything.
... ... Then perhaps the reason you are here is not so different than the reason I am here...
Nor Rama nor his wife have a face in Trinity's dream, like often happens in both nightmares and dreams... and yet it's enough to feel it anyway. A weird feeling she can't explain...
It's not supposed to be a nightmare... but it's enough to upset her sleeping... bringing her back on that tiny line between unconsciousness and consciousness.
She's not fully awaken yet, but she's aware of Neo's arm around her body, his chest against her back, his smell, his calm breathing against her nape... She holds on to that connection... they're two bodies and yet they're one... she never felt so tied to anyone.
... ... You'll fall in love, and the man you'll love will be the One...
... ... you're tied to the One... intertwined with his life... like never before...
The Oracle's Cheshire-cat grin fades out as reality takes its place and Trinity's blue eyes open in the dim light of her bedroom.
She turns in Neo's embrace, slowly enough not to awake him at first... but she just can't help herself. Her face perfectly fits the crook of his neck and she breathes in his smell, then lightly running her lips along his skin to place a little kiss on his chin.
... ... You love her. She loves you. It's all over you both...
She loves him more than her own life. He's her safe place. Her home.
She lingers in that sensation... she's not a soldier now... just a woman in her man's bed. It doesn't matter how fierce she can be out of there... here his touch is enough to have her completely at his mercy. A feeling that's always enough to trigger something in her lower abdomen. Too bad she still feels really too tired now, even for sex.
Neo's grip tightens around her body and he bows his head kissing the tip of her nose.
"How are you?"
"I'm fine"
Their whispers get lost in another soft kiss, nothing more than lips against lips, enough for her to understand he isn't really buying her words and he doesn't want to tire her body going beyond that kiss. It doesn't mind if it's been a week since her passing out in the Matrix, he's still worried.
"Stay. You still need some rest"
A long 'hum' is her only reply as her lips touch his again, lightly stroking them.
"I need to take over from Switch. I'm fine," she repeats in another whisper "and she had to cover my night shift again"
As a confirmation the tip of her tongue slips through his lips, finding Neo's in a warmer kiss.
He unwillingly lets go of her, watching as she gets up in the dim light of the room.
Her hand reaches out for the nightstand as soon as she stands up. Her eyes close and she inhales deeply at the precariousness of her legs. Her hand moves on her stomach and she exhales slowly, then taking her sweater from the chair and putting it on. Another glance to Neo and she exits the room.
"Is everything ok?" Trinity asks putting an hand on Switch's shoulder and looking at the screen in front of her.
"I should be the one asking you" Switch replies glancing at her.
She rolls her eyes but gives a squeeze to her friend's shoulder in what is a silent 'I'm fine'. She's beginning to be definitely repetitive.
"There's a power loss in one of the spare engines. Nothing serious, but you should give a look"
Trinity nods, mentally thanking her best friend for being the only one in there who doesn't tiptoe around her like she's about to break down at any moment. One day of complete resting had been enough for her to be bored to death. She can't standing around, not doing anything. She can get crazy for much less.
"Er... an injector probably. No problem, I'll fix it. But I'm gonna eat something first," she lets out a long sigh "Dozer's all over me lately"
"Guess why?" she mocks as Trinity rolls her eyes at her.
Switch watches her as she heads to the mess hall, massaging the side of her neck.
"Trinity?"
She turns to her with a "uhm?" and a questioning look, meeting Switch's teasing eyes.
"Just for you to know, I'm feigning you don't look like crap"
Trinity just stares back at her. A smirk plays on her lips at Switch's smirk.
"Love you"
She shakes her head and turns toward the galley again.
Trinity looks at herself in the lucid surface of the steel cupboard. She's surely been in a better shape than this.
She hadn't paid attention to light malaise in the last weeks. Nothing serious, nor enough for interfering with her job. It had began with a mild sickness, nothing more. Not enough for anyone in there to have noticed. Not until that accident in the Matrix at least. One hand moves down on her stomach, pressing on it to soothe another incipient cramp. It's not really painful honestly, just very annoying. And it's not something new, like menstrual cramps, but she's not been experiencing this kind of cramps for at least ten years.
Her free hand runs on her forehead, her eyes close.
... ... "You realized you didn't stop me, right?" Neo says an inch from her mouth as his hand finds her naked waist and then cups her buttock giving it a little squeeze.
... ... A chuckle and a nod. A caress on his cheek... in the bliss of the aftermath of their lovemaking, on their first night together.
... ... "If you're asking if conception still works the old-fashioned way... well...yes, it is. We don't cultivate babies in Zion, machines do" a laugher, making fun of him "Anyway..." her eyebrow lifts in a teasing look "Contraceptive device. It's mandatory in the army in operative roles. It finally comes in handy" A smirk. Neo's lips. Another brief kiss. Another deeper kiss.
Trinity's eyes open, staring again at her own image mirrored in the lucid surface. Her lips part as she touches the plug on her left deltoid, in the exact spot in which her contraceptive device is.
Her period has been practically absent in the last ten years and definitely no menstrual pain, something that clearly come in handy when you're operative on a ship for months.
... Holy shit...
Where is that thought coming from now?
Nausea fills her throat even more as that thought comes to her mind. Her abdomen tenses. Once again not painful... just... something she can't explain.
How long since she feels like this? A couple of months maybe... or... more actually...
... ... "You should give her a break, Neo!"... Cas' smirk... " You're wearing her out! She's paler than usual"
She inhales deeply, closing her eyes again in an attempt to push that thought away.
... ... "Hey. You ok?" ... A mild dizziness... An almost imperceptible loss of balance. Neo's dark eyes meeting hers...
... ... "Yeah," ... "I better heat our eggs. I'm starving"
She clearly reminds the wave of nausea which followed that first mouthful.. the bare smell of it actually...
... ... "I supposed my stomach is not that used to real food anymore..."
... ... a smile... a giggle...
... ... "Four month ongoing on the Neb without a recharging return. Morpheus set another record!"
... ... a laugher... a nod... a kiss...
She inhales deeply, focusing in not panicking.
No, it can't be...
... ... "You really don't want kids?'
... ... In their bed... the feeling of Neo's shoulder under her head... of his arm around her body... of his hand absently caressing her arm...
... ... "I never said that"... Her lips which part like to say something else, then closing instead... their looks meeting...
...
... ... "Are you serious?" propping on a elbow... a questioning look... his eyes still on hers... "Do you really want a baby? Why?"
... ... "Because I love you. Does it sound so weird?"
... ... A swallowing... It sounds so simple from his mouth...
... ... "Neo, you know we can't. Not now"
Holy...!
Her hand trembles almost spilling the goop in her bowl. She sets it down, ignoring that feeling and adding her vitamins in it. As Dozer said she's anemic and hypotensive ... nothing that can't be fixed just with a vitamins supply.
... Or in nine months.
Her hand runs on her forehead as, once more she feels like she's about passing out.
... ... "You're tied to the One, Trinity. Intertwined with his life like never before. You made a choice which changed everything. Now you have to understand it"
Trinity tries to inhale deeply at the incipient sickness which closes her stomach again.
... ... "The most important choice of your life. It's not been up to you. But it changes everything"
She sits down at the table before giving time to her knees to give up. Her hand massages the side of her neck like to relax a stiffen muscle. Her fingers tighten the grip around the cup in front of her and she takes a little sip, that is already too much.
Her stomach fights against the bare thought of swallowing a spoonful of the food in her bowl.
... C'mon. Just breathe! Calm down! Relax! ...
... C'mon. Just breathe!
...
... ... what about your contraceptive device?
... ... what about it?
... ... your last periodic check. Was everything all right?
... ... Sure.
And yet if Dozer would have looked up at her, instead of just filling his files, he would probably noticed her evasive look and the moment of hesitation in her voice...
It wasn't a lie. It was all right in her last periodic check... the last time she had one... too bad she can't even remember how far ago...
... ... You made a choice which changed everything.
A choice... She wouldn't call it a choice actually. Not a conscious one at least. She had completely forgotten it, in the last months. Something that happens when you're focus on a fucking war and you stay in Zion less than 48 hours for time.
... ... The most important choice of your life. It's not been up to you. But it changes everything
As far as she tries to think to something else, the tension in her lower abdomen grows, drawing her attention on it.
... It can't be...
She lets an hand moving on there and just rests it there for a second.
... or it can...
... ... "I think I felt... er... disconnected..."
... ... a shake of head from Tank...
... ... "It's not what I watched in there," ... "It's not how your signal looked. Yours somehow got overloaded," ...
She remembers having felt the same tension suddenly growing in her lower abdomen as she was in the Matrix, days earlier. And then... she remembers feeling somehow disconnected from her body... like her body and mind were somehow severed... like she couldn't control her own body... like her body was under the control of someone else... like there was something interfering with her mind...
Something... or someone...
... my God...
She suddenly moves her hand away as the mess door creaks and gets open.
She just gives one of her very little smiles to Tank and Apoc as they both enter, yawning. They greet her just with an hand and hurry to the counter behind her to get their breakfast ready.
Trinity stands up as soon as they sit down, not meeting Switch's stare as she appears on the door in turn and steps in.
She watches what's left of her food as it disappears in the sink. All of it to be honest.
She knows she needs eating... she just can't...
She feels like she's about throwing up. Like she can barely breathe. Her thoughts in a one-track mind now.
She doesn't look up as she feels Switch appearing at her side and just massages again the side of her neck with one hand as the other one washes the bowl under the cold water running from the faucet.
"Not hungry? Have you already had a special private breakfast in your room, you little bitch?" Switch whispers in an amused smut tone not looking at Trinity but at the goop running and filling her own bowl "as far as I can bet it's better than this stuff, you know it cannot be count as a good font of proteins, don't you?"
Trinity rolls her eyes and turns her head to meet Switch's eyes.
"Switch!"
She's not laughing, nor smirking, at her innuendo as her friend chuckles instead.
"Oh c'mon! You're soooo boring, babe" Switch replies at Trinity's serious look "I'd just like to know if he has superpowers even under his belt" she adds with another smut smile.
Again Trinity doesn't smirk and just turns instead, looking right in front at herself.
"Apoc" she says out loud, to be heard clearly by the man who's quietly having breakfast at the table behind her shoulders "can you please fuck her a little often so she stops wondering about my own sexual life?"
Apoc stops his spoon half air.
"Uhm. Blame the second in command who plans both mine and her night shifts!" He replies in a plain tone staring at the goop on his spoon before putting another spoonful in his mouth. His lips curls up a little as he hears Trinity sighing in frustration.
"Can the three of you have a little pity of the only one in this crew who has zero possibilities to get laid?" Tank says with another sigh.
"Well, technically it's you and Morpheus" Apoc says with a chuckle gaining a glare from Tank.
"Morpheus is married to his job. It's a choice. Mine it's not, man" Tank replies.
" Niobe's choice, you mean" Apoc specifies with a smirk.
"I guess that asshole of Deadbolt has to have superpowers under his belt too! Or I can't get what such a hot chick sees in him!" Tank laughs "But, anyway, Morpheus is an idiot for having let her getting away!"
Tank doesn't realize that Trinity is standing behind him until a slap hits his nape.
"Ouch" He massages his head.
"As superior rank, for insulting your Captain" she says "and, show respect to the Logos Captain if you don't want a 24 hours standby"
Tank rolls his eyes.
"Mad'am. Yes, Mad'am" he respectfully replies, anyway giving a naughty glance to Apoc as he fights back a smile.
"No punishment for having called Lock an asshole?" Tank says again as Trinity rolls her eyes at him.
"Don't make me change my mind" she smirks, despite her still tired features.
They meet Neo's eyes as he enters the room. His eyes immediately look for Trinity instead.
"Talking of superheroes... You sure you can't arrange for a date between me and that French hottie, Neo, right?" Tank asks in what is a rhetorical question "Such a cock-teaser!"
"Uhm... an erotic call at most, you genuine child of Zion!" Neo makes fun of him, playing along the game.
"Fuck," he shakes his head "First time I envy your plugs"
Another slap hits Tank's nape, erasing the smut look on his face. Both Apoc and Switch look down as they meet Trinity's stare, their food suddenly become very interesting.
Trinity just walks closer to Neo, meeting his eyes but just passing near him.
"There's a spare engine waiting for me" she just says heading to the door "I'll be down there"
Neo reaches for Trinity's hand before she's out of reach, preventing her from walking away.
"What's wrong?"
There's no way she can really hide things from him. He can read something is wrong... in her eyes. And it's not about the stupid joke about the Merovingian's wife.
Trinity takes Neo's face with one hand and lightly kisses his lips.
"Nothing's wrong" she says, kissing his lips again.
A light smile. Her eyes in his.
"Apoc," she calls, not looking away from Neo's eyes, her look resolute and authoritative this time "meet me there as soon as you've finished here"
She waits for the 'yes, mad'am' which comes from behind her back, giving another little smile to Neo.
"Nothing's wrong" she says again, her look softens "Don't worry"
.
Training in the dojo.
A training program is not the Matrix, but it's a step forward after having being forbidden from being jacked in.
Too bad she feels like children in their settling-in phase to the nursery... Dozer allows her just minutes in there, increasing the time day by day. It's an agony by itself... when who's supposed to help her doesn't make things even more difficult.
She trained with Neo a few days earlier. Or better, she was supposed to train with Neo. She just found out it had been definitely a bad idea a short time after having being loaded in.
... He's barely looking at her. Dodging her attack at most, but never doing the first move, never attacking her. She tries to go harder on him... a straight-leg kick aiming right at his face. His hands just catch her foot, avoiding it from hitting his jaw. Anyone else would have at least tried to twist it, lifting her and throwing her in the air or slamming her on the ground. He knows it's not enough to hurt her... the construct is a controlled program...and yet, he just stops her move instead, then letting go of her.
... "What on hell are you doing?"
... "I'm not doing anything"
... "Exactly!"
... Her icy eyes glare at him. Neo can clearly see Trinity's chest raising and falling in accord to her breathing as she's trying to calm down, avoiding saying words she could regret after.
... "Fuck!"
... She can't stand it...
She's not reckless. But she knows she needs to put her body on test... to test how far she can push herself now... adjusting in the new limit none is aware of yet... She's not going to put herself in danger. There's not any danger in a training program.
But she has to know if she can do it again. To be plugged in maintaining the full control on her own body and mind.
That instead, Neo's attitude, that was definitely what she wanted to avoid.
... A hand runs on her forehead as she gives him another glare, turning and calling Tank to be out of there.
... "Trinity."
..." what?"
... Their eyes meet again. She's tempted to wiggle free from the grip of his hand around hers, but she doesn't.
... "Do I look like a porcelain doll to you, Neo?"
... a shaking of head...
... "then stop acting like I am."
... "It's not because I think you can't do it, that you're going to break down at any moment. It's..."
... "what?"
... Her look softens at the look in Neo's eyes. He looks away from her.
... "It's not about you, it's about me."
... And she can feel it now. His hand trembling.
... "I'm sorry..."
... "Neo..."
... she's asking him to talk to her...
... "I can't lose you. The bare idea is..."
... He looks up at her for a fraction of second and then down again, avoiding her eyes. He still sees her slumped down on the ground... And he can't look at her now without seeing her dying... or dead... in one of his nightmares. It's stupid, but in his nightmares she's always like this... in her black lucid vinyl outfit.
... you have something the first one didn't have. And it's both your bigger strength and your weakness...
... He's willing to give his life for her... for saving her world from destruction. She's the reason for him to go on in this war. His purpose. She's his strength. And his weakness. He can't deal with the idea of her death. He just can't. And that accident in the Matrix... it reminded him how powerless and helpless he is in front of events.
... "I know you're gonna hate me for this, Trinity, but... I feel like a part of me... doesn't want you ready to be back in there. Not that soon."
... She swallows, looking down. Her hand tightens the grip on his, the other finds his cheek. Their eyes meet again.
... "You know it'll never happen. I can't hate you... I love you too much..."
... She's dying to kiss him, but she doesn't. Not with the eyes of the full crew looking at them from the screen.
... "It's been a great kick anyway."
... A smirk.
... "Yours has been an awful grab instead."
... Another smirk. And a nod from Neo.
Maybe she'll have more chances training with Switch.
They walk toward each other, bare-footed on the lino floor of the dojo, closing the distance and stopping a few steps from each other.
Trinity in her usual lucid black vinyl clothes, a sleeveless suit, black half gloves... Switch wears exactly the same, but in white. Blue eyes in dark green eyes. Dark hair versus white blonde hair. Like an image on a picture and its negative. Different, like day and night. One as much chatty as much the other is quiet. One as much clear as much the other is enigmatic. And yet they fit each other. The one filling the other's defects. In a perfectly imperfect team. Yin and yang. Two opposing energies, which found out how coexisting in order to reach a state of harmony.
Trinity looks at Switch, giving her a smirk.
"I heard the two of you last night. You should be more careful. Morpheus wouldn't be that compliant in my place"
Switch chuckles, clearly feigning an apologetic look.
"Then I'm glad you're not Morpheus"
Trinity licks her lips, giving her a scolding look.
"Oh c'mon, don't look at me like that" Switch makes fun of her "I'll try to moan quietly next time, Lieutenant. Something difficult when he -"
Trinity shuts her up with a glare and Switch laughs again.
They look at each other. In any other occasion Switch would have just reminded her how boring she was, all work and duty... and she needed to be fucked more. Then she would have ignored her advise and given her friend a detailed report of every little kinky thing Apoc did to her for having her moaning so loudly to almost being caught. Obviously adding that she could learn something from the two of them or just take a cue.
"Is everything ok between you and Neo?" she asks instead with a completely different tone from what Trinity expected "you're so silent lately..." she tries tentatively.
Trinity's eyes soften at her friend's worry. And she gives her a teasing and smut smirk.
"Uhm, never thought about taking me as an example, sweetheart? I have to teach you how to ride a blow-minding orgasm without a sound"
Switch smirks in turn and shakes her head in defeat. It's clear she doesn't want to talk about it. It would be easy if she wasn't always so indecipherable. She knows there's something in her mind. She's somehow distracted. And even more silent than usual lately... But she respects her silence, her need to have her own space, even if she always teases and provokes her. It's part of their game.
"C'mon. Less talking, more training, babe"
They smiles at each other moving in their positions again.
Switch is fast. Trinity is faster. Agile like a feline. It's always an hard time training with her. Her moves almost hypnotizing. Her technique is totally fascinating... a perfect mix of concentration, coordination, agility, strength... and elegance and grace. She can break your face letting you there asking for more. Her moves are like a dance, just a potentially lethal dance.
...wasn't she supposed to be in a bad shape?
"Fuck, Trin,"
Switch shakes her head, trying to regain a proper breathing. On the floor. A hand on her chest like in an attempt to keep her ribs together.
"Hope Dozer likes Lego" she says looking at the arm stretched out toward herself, at the long fingers wrapped in a black half-glove, panting but letting out a chuckle.
"You're the queen of melodrama" Trinity smirks in turn, helping her friend to be back on her feet.
"You're the queen, dot" She replies as Trinity rolls her eyes at her.
"Kissing my ass won't stop me from kicking your ass, sweetheart" she teases, gaining another smirk from Switch.
Again.
A back walkover. A straight-leg kick. An handstand forward roll. Again so smooth and fast, inhumanly fast.
Proprioception. Kinaesthesia. Balance. Flexibility. Skills she can use in the real world training and that are definitely empowered both in the training program and in the Matrix, allowing her very creative, surprising and unexpected moves. After all surprise is the key word when fighting a programmed agent.
"Trin, you're too fast. Gimme time!"
A little smile as she stops just the time to hear Switch's words and to give her the next move.
"Agents don't give you time"
Trinity quickly dodges Switch's attack and turns, using the wall behind her as a trampoline, pushing herself in a back jump.
She can't tell what goes wrong this time. But she knows why. A mild wave of dizziness is enough to make her losing awareness of her body position in that acrobatic jump. Her balance system betrays her as her body passes above Switch. She managed to close the jump on her feet but her left foot touches the lino floor a second later than the right one... a moment of hesitation... a fraction of second... enough for losing concentration and allowing Switch to kick her stomach heavily.
It doesn't matter if it's not real. It feels real.
The sudden cramp is.
Enough for her mind to do the rest. To panic.
Trinity's eyes close as her body gets pushed back, flying back, till her back and shoulders slam hard against the wall. She normally can control that kind of attack, turning even a push against the wall in a sort of trampoline to give herself a push forward for another jump. Instead, her head tilts back and hits the wall in turn, her body plumping down on the floor like a puppet.
Switch gives her an amused look.
... Knocking Trinity down... whoa! She clearly remembers the last time she could do it... fifteen years earlier. They were just a little more than kids.
"Uhm, who got her ass kicked this time, babe?" She teases.
She expects Trinity to jump on her feet as soon as she touches the floor and to counterattack. Usually after a good kick she responds making her regret it and the ones she has only thought of giving her.
This time Trinity doesn't move instead. Her legs are stretched out on the lino floor and her head is bent by side.
Switch's blood freezes in her veins, no matter if she has not real veins in there.
"Trin?"
Trinity's eyes open and she gasps. Her hand reaches for her stomach and her breathing stops in her throat. Her eyes close again. Suddenly too pale. It's like a deja-vu.
"Shit!"
Switch looks for her cell and calls the operator.
"Tank, take us out of here."
"What went wrong?" Tank's eyes meet Switch's as soon as they open in the Neb again "Trinity's signal was fine this time"
"I don't know"
She shakes her head, turning to look toward Trinity's seat and watching both Dozer and Morpheus as they hurry toward her. Neo walks in turn toward them.
Trinity eyes meets Switch's. Her palm is still pressed on her stomach and her face is ghost-white. She closes her eyes in pain and takes a deep breath in an attempt to steady her laboured breathing. She looks like she's going to pass out at any moment or about to throw up... or both.
"I'm fine"
She raises an hand stopping everyone from asking or doing anything else. Her eyes close, purposely avoiding to look to them. Even to Neo. Most of all to Neo.
"Let me disagree"
Dozer's voice.
She hears the sound of the doc's fingers tapping and checking her parameters on the screen above her seat.
"If I say I'm fine then I'm fine, Dozer!" Trinity's voice is harsh and annoyed
She stands up, not looking at anyone but meeting Switch's worried eyes as she appears in the trajectory of her gaze.
"I really am. A kick in the stomach can't kill me"
She says, meeting her friend's look just for a second, then looking away.
Neo watches Trinity as she walks away ignoring Morpheus's calling behind her. Neo's eyes moves from her back to the Captain's eyes. Morpheus should be more upset by his second in command's insubordination. He's worried instead. He gives a nod to Neo in what is a silent 'fine, go and check on her... if you can handle her' , then watching Neo as he walks after Trinity and disappears along the hallway.
He has no need to see her to know she's vomiting the content of her stomach in there. From the shade of her skin he's been surprised she's succeeded in reaching the toilet.
She meets his eyes as soon as she opens the door but looks away, going to the sink and spreading water on her face. For once the freezing water comes in handy.
Her mouth opens like to say something, stopping though as she meets Neo's eyes in the mirror glass above the sink.
"At least you're fair enough not to lie right in my face"
She just swallows that 'I'm fine' and gives a nod instead. Not that anyone else bought her previous 'I'm fine' anyway.
But honestly she looks more annoyed than sick right now.
"Just give yourself time, Trin" He tries as she gives him a scolding look.
"We have no... time, Neo"
Her voice is clearly worried. And annoyed. She looks up at him, turning and resting her lower back against the sink, her arms folded in front of her chest.
"I can't blame Morpheus if he's thinking of discharging me" She bites on her lower lip and looks away, swallowing the bitter tears behind her eyes. He tries to reach out for her, but she flinches as soon as his hand brushes her arm and she drops it instead, avoiding him from touching her. She sighs heavily and lifts that same arm covering her eyes with the palm of her hand. She's angry. To herself. Not to him. "I can't afford it. I can't be discharged" Her palm moves on her eyes and down her cheek leaving a wet trail on its path.
"I'm not sure Morpheus thought about discharging you, a few minutes ago" he says as the blue of her eyes meets his dark eyes "but I'm quite sure he would have given you a good spank, Trin"
"Not sexually speaking" he presses with a teasing look as Trinity give him one of the very little smiles he loves so much.
"You can't do this alone, Neo. You need me in this. We're so near to the end of this war..."
"I need you. Strong. And safe. And by my side. Just give yourself time. I know who you are. You're fearless. Not reckless. Most of the time."
She nods and the hint of a smirk plays on her lips as she lets him embrace her. Her forehead rests on his chest as his hands rubs her back up and down.
"Do you want to get some rest? He asks, softly kissing the top of her head.
She takes a little distance from his body, just enough to be able to look up at him.
"You sure you know me?" She teases as he rolls his eyes but kisses the tip of her nose.
He follows her in the core of the ship again.
"Stop looking at me like that." Trinity glares at both Tank and Dozer "I'm not dying. Not yet, and not right now at least."
"You should go and lie down"
She stops at Dozer's words, looking straight in his eyes with that look of hers which can have a man pissing in his pants.
"I'll do it," she flatly replies as Dozer lifts an eyebrow at her "in my seat. Jacked in"
A loud sigh comes from Dozer's throat at the stubbornness of the first officer. Something that had saved their asses a lot of times in this war, but that was now very annoying.
Tank's head shakes vigorously in what is a clear 'NO!' as she sits down on her seat again, gesturing Switch to follow her.
"I'm not asking, Tank. Load me in. I'm still your senior officer"
Tank rolls his eyes and replies with a flat 'yes, Ma'am'.
"And I'm yours, Lieutenant"
She rolls her eyes in turn at Morpheus' voice which comes from behind her back.
"Morpheus..." She sighs and pauses, using her best calm tone this time "The training program is not the Matrix. After the so many tests Dozer run on me, I wonder how is that I still have blood in my veins. And he didn't find anything"
"It just means that we don't know what's wrong with you, yet."
He stares at her and she stares back.
"So, now, you're avoiding me from training just because a good kick gave me a mild stomachache?"
Trinity's eyes pierce Morpheus'. Sometimes he asks himself if he really is the one in charge in there. She has power on him that no one else of the crew has. It's like watching an unruly daughter you'd like to spank, and yet he can't resist her. It's respect, believe and trust. There had been a time in which he thought she was the One. Fearless, but not reckless, Confident. He trusts her with his life. Actually she saved his life for real, freeing him from the agents in the Matrix, risking her own life. Neo's the One but he couldn't have done it without her.
"Morpheus, please"
There's no way he can really stand her pleading. It's like watching a pleading beloved daughter instead of his second in command.
"You're a smartass" He whispers, bending down toward her ear so she's the only one hearing it. His arms behind his back.
"Fine" Morpheus says out load, glancing at Tank as he just nods, and turns to the screen "Concentration, Lieutenant. Focus. Strength and control" He says as Trinity turns her head toward Switch's seat and smirks.
Switch rolls her eyes at the defiant look in Trinity's eyes.
"Oh, fine!" Switch says in an exasperated tone "Go, guys, incite her! Urge her! Is none of you worrying about having to pick up all my bones from the floor later, right?"
.
Trinity purposely avoids all the eyes which stare at her from the table as she enters the mess room. She goes right to the counter, taking a cup and filling it with fresh water.
"How are you?"
Dozer's voice.
"Fine, Doz. Like ten minutes ago" She replies in a flat tone despite the light curling up of the corners of her mouth. They can't see it since she's still facing away from them.
"Stop asking her!" Switch's voice "She's not the one who had her ass heavily kicked today. I can barely seat"
"How dramatic!" Trinity smiles this time, turning and meeting her friend's eyes. She walks to the bench and bents toward her, taking her face with one hand and placing a kiss on her cheek.
"I'm sure Apoc knows how to soothe that" She adds with a mischievous smile, then sitting down near her.
Switch smiles in turn, meeting her eyes first and then Apoc's, on the other side of the table.
"I'm always up for your ass, babe" He smirks as Switch's head shakes and she lets out a chuckle.
Trinity smiles in turn, looking down at her own food and bringing the spoon to her mouth. She feels it on her tongue and swallows, feeling it slipping down along her esophagus. She inhales and takes a sip of water... shit! It's going to be harder that she thought.
She looks up at the sound of the door opening, meeting Neo's eyes and Morpheus' behind him... and she tries to ignore how both their looks scan the room and stop on her before greeting the entire crew.
Neo doesn't ask anything though, and just walks to her, put one of his palms between her shoulder blades and gives a stroke to her back, bending down to put a soft kiss on the top of her head, before heading to the counter to take his own food.
A spoon... another spoon...
Dozer meets her eyes a couple of times during dinner, but he doesn't comment and just waits for the room to empty.
Switch leaves first, saying that she's going to die in her own room (not before having kissed in turn Trinity's head, wishing her a good night).
Apoc follows her with a smirk, saying that he can't let her die alone.
Morpheus leaves with Tank, asking him if they can check some data before going to sleep.
The doctor looks at Neo as he whispers something in Trinity's ear and she shakes her head. There's no point in trying to change her mind in switching her night shift again.
"I want to check you again, before you start"
Trinity sighs at Dozer's voice, but gives a nod.
She enters the infirmary and takes her sweater off, then sitting down on the medical bed for the umpteenth time. The last time she complained about it, Dozer had towered in front of her, asking if she wanted to do that of her own will or if he needed to tie her to that bed.
She had replied with a pun, about how he didn't look like a BDSM type.
"Tell me what's wrong. And don't try to sell me that 'I'm fine' bullshit, Trin" he says giving her a scolding look "During dinner there was more color on your bowl than on your face"
She sighs again, stretching out her arm toward him so he can take another sample of her blood.
"Then you should leave a little amount of blood in my veins. I read something about pallor and anemia, doc Dracula"
Dozer smiles and shakes his head.
"You looks exhausted" he says not looking at her, but focusing in inserting a needle in the plug of her arm.
She sighs again.
"I don't look exhausted, Dozer" she says staring at her own arm as her blood fills the vial "I am exhausted. I can't sleep properly. That's all." She stops as soon as Dozer's looks up at her "And no, it's not what you're thinking. Neo and I don't have sex all the time"
Dozer smirks and lets her go on.
"There's nothing wrong with me, Doz"
He pauses at the way in which she stresses that 'wrong', consciously or maybe not.
"But there's something else. What is it?"
She looks away from his interrogative gaze.
"Am I not supposed to be worried or tense about the turn this war is taking? About not knowing if Neo will succeed in his mission, alive?"
Alive.
Dozer suddenly feels guilty for that question. After all, she's right. Maybe she's been pushed too much. They all expected her to be always the usual badass... confident and fearless. He feels guilty for having forgot she's not invincible and still human instead. Being a woman, worried for her man, doesn't make her less tough.
She watches him as he brings the sample of her blood to the machine behind him and waits for the results.
"Found anything?"
He shakes his head.
"Nothing new. A little improvement in your hemoglobin level, but you're still anemic. I'll keep adding iron and folic acid in your food"
She rolls her eyes but nods.
"Then, please, stop wondering why I look like I'm gonna throwing up at every spoonful of that rust-flavor slop"
She jumps down the medical bed and picks up her sweater, then waving him goodnight, but without turning to look at him.
She feels like shit actually. About lying in his face.
She hasn't lied honestly. Not literally. There's nothing 'wrong' with her.
What's there is everything but wrong... but it's going to change everything.
... ... The most important choice of your life. It's not been up to you... but it changed everything"