Chapter 9
Whatever but wrong
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Trinity knocks on the metal door of Apoc and Switch's bedroom, giving them an 'It's me' from outside and waiting till she hears a 'Come in!' from the other side of the door. Apoc's voice.
The door creaks as usual as she opens it, and she mentally takes note to grease the gearwheel later.
She stops from taking a step in though, her hand still on the door, as she catches sight of an half-naked Switch. She stands near the bed, buttoning her pants, sort of unaware as Trinity's eyes move on her naked breasts. She nonchalantly picks up her undershirt from the floor, putting it on without bothering putting on a bra too, then just reaches out for her sweater on the nearest chair. Apoc sits on the same bed, completely dressed up.
"Oh... I- I'm sorry" Trinity says giving an apologetic look to Apoc, who chuckles instead.
"Not what you're thinking about!" Apoc says with a smirk as Switch smirks in turn.
"The time you find me giving him a blowjob, you'll be allowed to apologize and go fuck yourself, babe. Or join us. Who knows what's in that pretty head of yours lately!" Switch gives her a smut look as Trinity rolls her eyes instead.
"Cut the shit, Switch! Let her alone!" Apoc's voice is amused, despite the scolding look he gives to his girlfriend "Do you need me, or a girl-talk with the witch?"
Trinity just sighs heavily.
"I've already changed my mind" Trinity says with an hopeless look as Switch grins.
Apoc smiles and shakes his head, standing up to leave them alone, but stopping on the door before stepping out.
"I didn't figure you as a masochist, Lieutenant"
"Me neither"
The hint of a smile plays on Trinitys lips as Apoc waves her goodbye and closes the door.
"What is it?" Switch asks, sitting down on the bed, her eyes focused in buckling one of her boots.
"I need a favor"
Switch's eyes suddenly look up at the hint of hesitation in Trinity's voice. It's not the tone she'd use for asking her to cover one of her shifts, since she could clearly just ordering her to do it, so... it's definitely a personal favor. She stares at her friend as she looks away and inhales deeply, like looking for the right words, or like she's still wondering if she's doing the right thing or if it would be better changing her mind.
"Spill the beans!" She gives her friend the same glare she gave Neo when they picked him up under Adam's street bridge "You're weird lately, sweetheart. Just ask! What do you need me to do?"
Fine. There's no time for changing of mind. Once again it's this way, or the highway!
Trinity just briefly looks away again, handing her a stick.
"Pee on this" Switch's eyes widen as she takes the stick from Trinity's hand, her eyes move from the stick in her hand to her friend's eyes again "I convinced Dozer there was no way I could do it in front of him" she adds, then meeting Switch's questioning look.
"What... why...? Can't you just do it yoursel-?"
Realization hits her as soon as their eyes meet again "Holy fuck!"
She stands up so quickly that she almost trips in her still unbuckled boot.
"Are... are you pregnant?" The answer she's looking for is definitely clear in Trinity's stare "Holy fuck, Trin!"
"Are you sure?"
Trinity just swallows as Switch looks at her in disbelief
"How is it possible?"
Trinity stares at her.
"Do you need me making you a drawing?"
Switch rolls her eyes at her friend's reply.
"Switch... please"
Another rolling of eyes comes from Switch, then she gives her an half sympathetic half scolding look.
"Of course I'll help you" she says "You know you don't need to plea. But... what about your contraceptive device?" she asks, still wondering how such a disaster could have happened.
Her sickness... her tiredness... every piece of the puzzle take its place in the end.
"A reminder that we can't trust machines I suppose" Trinity just replies, biting on her lower lip and giving her a bitter look.
"Fuck!" she curses again "If it happens to me I'll -"
Switch's eyes are still incredulous and she just looks at her friend from head to toe, her stare lingers on Trinity's belly.
"What? - would you... terminate?" Trinity's tone is sharp this time "You'd give up of Apoc's kid?"
"Shit... I'm sorry" She apologizes, immediately feeling guilty for her rashness at the look Trinity gives her.
Trinity knows she wouldn't, no matter how shocked she'd be if such a thing would happen to her. Switch's fears are hers. They're soldiers. Warriors. And the end of the war seems so close... it's not the baby... it's the timing. Their contraceptive device is mandatory in operative roles for one reason. Safety. It's just matter of time. Commander Lock will discharge her as soon as she begins showing her baby bump... a forged pregnancy test is not enough... she can't hide it for long.
"How do you know you're pregnant?" Their eyes meet again "I mean... you haven't done this test yet?"
Trinity's eyes look down, avoiding Switch's for a second or just looking down at her own belly, not touching it though.
"I had a positive blood test almost one month ago. By myself. If Dozer has a suspect now, it's not because of my medical data"
Switch gives her a thoughtful and questioning look.
"How did you do? You don't have the access code to the analyzer and, anyway, every test you get in there is automatically recorded on your medical file. Sent right to Zion"
Trinity stares at her friend and Switch's eyes widen.
"You broke in? You hacked Zion medical data system?"
Trinity looks down, the same look she gave Neo when he asked her if she was the Trinity who hacked the IRS database.
Switch's look is an unspoken 'are you out of mind?'
"I didn't go that far. Just a little intrusion in the analyzer of the Neb. And a deviation to the transfer of my data to Zion medical data system." she says "Don't worry. As long as you won't need to test your own beta-hcg from that analyzer, none will notice" she makes fun of Switch, lightening the tension just for an instant, then her eyes darken again "...anyway... I don't need a test now. Not anymore"
"What do you mean?"
She can feel Switch's stare on herself even if she's avoiding her look now.
"I mean... that I can feel it. I can feel it moving"
Switch's mouth open and she clearly keeps back another curse. Fuck! She's clearly going to show that baby bump sooner than she thought then. She's not an expert but... if she can already feel the baby's movements, she has to be... what? Four-month pregnant at least? More?
Switch stares at Trinity's stomach again, wondering if she's really so good in hiding it or if she's not showing any roundness down there yet. Trinity's eyes follow hers, like reading her thoughts.
She lifts her sweater enough to show the button of her pants. The one she can't button anymore.
"Holy Christ!"
Trinity just stares back at her, lowering her sweater again.
"Neo?" Switch's voice comes out hesitantly this time and she looks at Trinity as she looks down at the floor at her question.
"He doesn't know yet," she says, feeling like shit for having kept it from him.
"How could he not notice?" Switch's question comes so genuinely that Trinity can't help the tiny smile which appears on her lips. It's clear what's she's asking. She can hide it when she's dressed up in her usual loose shirts and sweaters... but she can't obviously hide it when she's naked. As much as it's still just a light roundness of her lower abdomen she's definitely too thin for that not being something suspect. How could Neo not having noticed?
The truth is they haven't intimately touched each other since the day she collapsed in the Matrix. A few innocent kisses. But no sex. She still feels like she's going to pass out half of the day... and like she's gonna throw up the other half. It makes hard having sex... it makes hard just taking it into account actually. And Neo... he had been nothing else than caring and comprehensive and supportive... Actually she never thought such a man could really exist.
It's Switch's turn to read that answer on Trinity's face. Her eyes widen.
"No sex? Fuck, Trin, it's been weeks ago!"
Switch shakes her head in disbelief, looking at Trinity as she sighs. Her look turns in a comprehensive look, then in another smirk.
"You know he's supposed to be our Savior, not a Saint, right?"
Trinity slightly smiles, shaking her head at her friend's attempt to play down things, even just for a little moment. then Switch's eyes get serious again.
"You can't keep it from him..."
Trinity nods.
"I know. And I'm going to tell him. It's just that... there's already so much in his mind lately... so much on his shoulders..."
Switch gives her a thoughtful and understanding look. Trinity had been so detached in the last weeks... now it's clear it isn't just because she had to metabolize the news about her pregnancy, she had to figure out how to deal with all of this.
"Shit! What a timing!" She says as Trinity just gives her a little nod.
Silence. Just a few seconds, but enough for being awkward since it was difficult to find something which could shut Switch up.
"What?" Trinity's asks as Switch look at her with what looks like a worried look now.
"Are you really thinking of staying operative?" She asks regretting that question as it exits her mouth. Stupid question. From the look in Trinity's eyes...definitely a stupid question."I mean, Trin... it's dangerous. What if something happens to you and to -" Switch's eyes move on Trinity's stomach, making a gesture toward her belly, unable, or almost scared, to say the word 'baby' aloud.
Trinity sighs. Her arm moves like as being about putting a hand on there , but stops and she lets her arm falling down again along her body.
"Have I an alternative choice? I'm not letting Neo going through this war alone"
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In the silence of their room Neo is watchng Trinity, fully asleep.
She looks so relaxed now. No sign of her tense features, of her clenched jaw. He knows how difficult is for her to show signs of vulnerability... her recent sickness surely is something she can barely stand. She can fool Morpheus, Dozer maybe, but he knows she's whatever but fine. Hiding it behind her usual facade is not enough. He doesn't get tricked by some good acrobatics in the training... he can see how she deeply inhales and exhales from time to time, like in an attempt to focus or to release tension... something he can't tell. He'd like he could do something for relieving whatever its in her mind lately. He's giving her time... he knows she needs her space, but her silence is something difficult to bear. Even more her attempt to keep a little distance from him. He's not angry, he's worried. He has no doubt about her love... he can feels it, in the kisses they shares... and yet he feels something is wrong... he can feel that she's here but her mind is miles away.
He moves a lock fron her forehead.
"I'm gonna take a shower. I'll be right back" Neo whispers in Trinity's ear, then kissing her cheek as she just answers with a sleepy 'hum...'.
She heard him, she just doesn't want to wake up... her body still wrapped in the numbness of sleep.
In fifteen year she never needed an alarm to wake up in the morning. She sighs, lingering again in the warmth of the sheets and turning in the bed, her face falling in Neo's pillow which still smells like him.
A few minutes, and she has to turn again as the tension in her lower abdomen forces her to lie on her back instead of her stomach. Her hand runs down, resting on the exact spot in which she can feel it. Just a flutter, like a butterfly fly or the light bursting of a bubble. It's not a real kick yet, but it's always enough for her abdomen to tense. She rests her hand on that spot, lightly moving her hand in which is clearly a caress and not just a casual stroking.
Her hand stops as sleep tries to have the best on her again. As another movement in her womb awakens her she can't help the little smile which plays on her lips.
"Are you trying to get my attention, baby?"
Hers it's just an almost inaudible whispering in the dim light of the room, and her hand caresses her belly again. She can feel it... exactly like she can feel the light roundness of her abdomen. Not enough to be seen by the guys yet, but enough for Neo... something that wouldn't have gone unnoticed to him if he'd touch her there in the last weeks. They never had gone beyond lovely cuddles after her malaise in the Matrix, well, most of all because she still feels so tired that she falls asleep every night as soon as she touches the mattress. And yet Neo hadn't been anything else but supporting and caring. She's definitely in abstinence of his body actually, craving for the intimate touch of his hand on her. Her hand move down between her legs, finding herself wet at the bare thought of him. She caresses herself, gently giving a few light strokes to her most intimate spot... enough for her to be more aroused and to know that she's definitely not letting herself to cum feigning that her own fingers are Neo's.
Her abdomen gets tensed again. Not the kind of craving she would supposed to start having honestly. On the contrary, the feeling coming from her stomach is everything but cravings. Wasn't morning sickness supposed to stop after the first trimester?
She runs a hand on her face.
Sickness in the morning... exhaustion in the evening. Too bad they have no free time from work in the afternoon! She regrets not being in Zion instead of on a ship, where they have to take advantage of the little free time left from their job. To be together. To make love. It's not just sex... she misses his skin, his mouth, everything of him. She misses loving him with everything she has.
Her hands finds again the light roundness of her lower abdomen. She can't keep it from Neo anymore.
... ... "You really don't want kids? You're great with Dozer's twins"
... ... "I never said that"
... ... "I want children... with you. Not now, after the war. Why not?"
... ... "Because you're not the one who has to push them out from one of his holes! But thank you for specifying you want them with me, anyway"
She can still see herself trying to play down the subject and Neo rolling his eyes at her.
... ... "Are you serious? Do you really want a baby? Why?"
... ... "Because I love you. Does it sound so weird?"
He wants a kid from her. With her. And yet this awareness is not reassuring, it's scaring.
... ... "You're tied to the One, Trinity. Intertwined with his life like never before. Your life will depend on him and his on you. You've made a choice which changed everything. Now you have to understand it"...
She doesn't want to understand it instead.
Knowing about the baby growing inside her...it's going to change everything. She knows Neo well enough to know he's not letting her risk her life. No matters if she's a soldier, nor if she was supposed to stay by his side, to help him in fulfilling the prophecy, saving Zion... He won't let her risking her life, not with their child growing inside her... not till it's part of her.
... ... You love her. She loves you. It's all over you both...
This isn't changed. His love for her. Her love for him.
Another flutter in her womb, a tiny movement of her baby, and she bits on her lips, as another little smile plays on her lips once more.
"Yeah, and I love you, my little one" she whispers once again putting her hand on that exact spot.
She can do it. She can give up being a soldier to protect her child. What it's harder is making a choice, between the two human beings she loves most. She can't choose one of them. And they both need her now.
She told the Merovingian she was ready to give anything and everything for the man she loves... and this isn't changed.
... ... You'll fall in love, and the man you love will be the One...
Her alarm goes off, taking her away from that thought and reminding her it's really time to get up.
And it's exactly what she does... just forgetting it's not something she can do so quickly now. Not in the morning at least.
Her hand reaches for the metal wall for support, but it's not enough to stop dizziness not the nausea which immediately fills her throat.
Everything spins and she instinctively tries to sit down on the nearest chair. It's just not nearest enough.
And all goes black.
Pain hits her before she can realize where she is. She can't move. It's like the gravity force is keeping her heavily on the floor, preventing her from every little movement. She can't move her head either... not without feeling a strong wave of nausea at least. And it aches. Her head. Her face.
She inhales deeply and for a moment it's like her brain starts functioning again. Her eyes can focus on what is around her and she pushes on her heels, succeeding in pushing herself in a sort of sitting position, leaning her back against the metal wall. It's harder than she thought though. She tries another deep breath, but suddenly it's just fog all around herself again... or just in her brain.
"Jeez!"
It's Neo's voice. His warm hand finds her cheek and he can feel her body relaxing in his caress.
"Neo... I'm fine"
"No, you're not," it's his reply as she can feel his fingers checking what surely are the bruises she got on her face from the falling down.
Neo's eyes are still scanning her body when she finally can focus him. She finds his hand and gives it a strong squeeze which gets his attention.
His look softens as soon as his eyes meet hers. The way he looks at her is disarming... like his dark eyes can melt in the blue of hers. And his look is enough to bring back some color on her cheeks and to warm her full body.
She succeeds in putting herself in a real sitting position this time and his eyes follow her movements. She can see he's expecting her to collapse again, but he doesn't stop her from trying without his help.
"It's nothing. I've just... ignored Dozer's advice... and stood up too quickly. I'm sorry..." her voice comes out not the way she would have liked. It was stronger and louder in her mind, but it comes in a sort of weak whisper instead.
Neo doesn't answer and just slides an arm under Trinity's arm and around her back, helping her to stand up. For a moment he looks at her like expecting her knees are giving up again at any moment, but her legs seem to be stronger than he thought this time.
Trinity's hand moves on Neo's chest preventing him from scooping her up and laying her down on the bed. Her hands move on the back of his neck and they just stand there, his long arms around her waist as her head rests on his chest. Neo's lips kiss the top of her head and his palms rub her back.
"C'mon. You need to lie down"
"You're all I need, Neo"
Her words once again surprise herself more than how much they surprise him. She wasn't for such romantic things before she met him. And she can feel his smile against her hair.
"So are you, love. But you still need to lie down"
Neo's tone is amused and firm at the same time, and she lets him leading her to bed.
She sits down, not lying down though, but just leaning again with her head and shoulders on the metal wall, in a half-lied position.
Neo glares at her stubbornness, but he sits down near her, finding her hand.
"Trinity..." his eyes are dark and definitely worried "... maybe you should really consider going back to Zion. I know you say you have this under control, but..."
She stares at him, she looks down for a moment and then up to him again, like looking for words which don't come.
She shakes her head lightly.
... here it is...
"Neo... " she inhales deeply, holding his hand tighter "... I have to tell you something, but..." she looks down at their intertwined hands, then up in his eyes again.
He doesn't know if he's more worried or scared by her tone.
"Last time you looked at me like this, Trin, we were in front of a telephone box and you were trying to tell you love me" he tries, in an attempt to loosen the tension in her voice.
She gives him a scolding look for having interrupt her, but she can't help the little smile which plays on her lips too.
"Yeah. And once again, I'm afraid of what it does mean if I do..."
"Trinity. Tell me what's wrong" He holds her hand tighter again, inciting her to go on.
She gives him one of those very little smile of hers that he loves so much.
... wrong...
"What's wrong with me, Neo, is... whatever but wrong"
Trinity's hand moves Neo's hand under her own loose shirt, on the light roundness of her belly. And their eyes meet again. She pulls his hand an inch lower and he looks down at his own hand at the light feeling against his palm.
For an instant he doesn't speak, nor move... nor breathe either. Mesmerized in that feeling. Asking himself if it's his mind making fool of him or if it's real.
"Is it -?" He stammers out "is it- what I'm thinking it is?"
Another little smile plays on her lips.
"It is. If you're thinking your child got the kick skill from you"
Both Neo's hands take her face, cupping her cheeks, his thumb caress her cheekbone, his eyes in hers. And his mouth finds her, his tongue hers. It's not just a passionate kiss... it's an unspoken promise... a vow.
Their mouths separate, desperate for air after having been desperate for each other. Their foreheads touch .
"How is it possible?" He ask on her lips, her face still in his palms.
Trinity gives him a smut look this time.
"Are you really asking?" A genuine wide smile this time, the beautiful one he haven't seen for so long "I think I have a few ideas"
Neo smiles, mirroring her own, and he finds her mouth again.
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"Where's Trinity?"
Five pairs of eyes move on Neo at Morpheus' question and Neo stops his spoon midair.
"She told something about a blown fuse" he says in his best nonchalant tone "You know how she's like! Duty first!"
Trinity opens the door a few seconds later meeting six pair of eyes this time and trying to ignore all of them, except the one which always can catch her eye.
Neo just stares at her in turn.
"What happened to your face?" Tank asks, as again all the eyes look up from their bowls to look at her, all except Neo.
She just nonchalantly touches the bruise on her cheekbone, like she hadn't spent the last ten minute trying to hide it. Nothing but a bruise from having hit the chair that she had tried to reach before passing out half an hour earlier, but she knew it wouldn't go unnoticed. It's clear that avoiding putting her hair behind her ear, like she usually do, hasn't been enough.
"Neo punched my face" she says in her perfectly flat tone watching Tank's eyes widening "or I just hit something in the basement instead. It's the third time this week I have to grope my way along the fuse board like I'm reading Braille. Those emergency lighting batteries have to be replaced"
She just looks from Tank to Morpheus and walks to the counter, doing her best for ignoring Switch's gaze instead, since she knows her friend is not going to buy her excuse.
She takes her bowl and turns the faucet open, looking at the goop which fills the bowl.
Ignoring the smell of that slop is harder instead. Shouldn't it supposed to be practically odorless? Her stomach revolts as she adds her usual vitamins supply and her hand closes in a fist, in an attempt to focus on something else that the incipient nausea which fills her throat.
"You're whiter than your sweater"
Switch's voice comes in a whisper from her side as she fills a cup of water front the nearer faucet, but Trinity doesn't turn to look at her and just stirs the food in her bowl. The crew is now laughing loudly at one of usual playful banter between Tank and Apoc, completely ignoring the two of them.
"Worse, you're exactly the same tinge of pale grey of your sweater"
Trinity can feels her friend's worried stare on herself, but again she doesn't reply.
"It's not your sweater either. Is it Neo's?" She asks looking at the grey sweater which used to be Neo's and that she's clearly wearing because it wears oversized on her.
Trinity's hand trembles, but again she tries to ignore it, just walking to the table. She doesn't mean to ignore her, but speaking is something she can't afford right now, too focus on just breathing in and out.
She sets the bowl down and sits down near Neo, not turning her head to look at him though, not even when his hand finds her thigh, giving it a little squeeze that is a silent 'keep strong'.
Her spoon stirs her food again, but it never reaches her lips.
Luckily both Morpheus and Apoc are now too busy in a talk about the better way for fixing one of the gun turrets to give any attention to her.
As all the crew exit the room, asking her to meet them in the cockpit as soon as possible, she just hums something incomprehensible. Neo looks at their shoulders as they disappear beyond the metal door, then looking at Trinity as, this time, she turns her head to look at him in turn.
"I know I have to eat," she says anticipating his words, then giving him a very little smile "I'd just wish I could have it intravenously"
He smirks, kissing her temple.
"I can't blame it"
"Uhm?" She turns to him with a questioning look.
"...our child. For already hating this food. It got this from me too"
She closes her eyes, but she's holding back a smile. His left hand on her lower back as his right hand moves to find her stomach.
"Better for it to get used quickly"
She smiles as he kisses her lips.
.
.
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Notes:
In this story the passage of time is not coherent with the one of Reloaded and Revolutions (where everything takes place in a very short time). I took my own poetry license in here, dilating the time from when we know Machines are digging toward Zion and when they'll succeed in it. I needed time for the events which will come.
"Cookies need love (and time) like everything does"