My People

This chapter contains depictions of genocide, death, and dead bodies/skeletons, as well as anxiety/panic attacks. Reader discretion advised.

Chapter 2- Suffocation

suffocate (intransitive verb): to impair the breathing of or cause discomfort to by cutting off the supply of fresh air. To suppress the development, imagination or creativity of.

"We're home buddy. We're home." Aang's soft words to Appa pull Tao's attention away from his worried musings. They had made camp the night before after finding real land, and set out not long after dawn and a quick but small breakfast. And Tao's worries and anxieties had been gnawing at him for hours as they flew north to the Southern Air Temple. Aang had accepted this hundred year war story, having seen the old ship in the ice near the Water Tribe. Tao wanted to remain skeptical. However, that was getting harder and harder as they fly up through the high spires of mountains. Usually they'd have seen airbenders or flying bison or something by now, especially as the temple comes into view. But there was just... nothing. Even once they get off Appa's back. It was like walking through a graveyard. Cold, unwelcoming, and utterly silent. The only thing that made noise were their footsteps and the wind.

Not a living thing seemed to exist along the winding paths and the buildings. Weeds and moss grew out of cracks in the paths, which were once well maintained. Cracks and rubble littered the stones, and Tao felt every hair on his body stand on end as an eerie feeling settles over him. Where was everyone? Gran Gran's statement that everyone thought airbenders were extinct ring in his head, and he shudders. Aang was clearly feeling it too, his excited prancing slowing to a walk before he stops on a ridge, overlooking the old bison stables and the air ball field and the many platforms and walkways that used to be swarming with monks of all ages, lemurs, and bison as well as many kinds of birds and small mammals. The temple was once full of life. Now there was nothing but snow and a cold breeze.

Luckily Sokka was able to distract Aang by asking about air ball, having no idea what he was getting himself into, but Tao wasn't so easily pulled from his worries as he and Katara continue walking the paths in silence, neither of them wanting to break the grave-like quiet of the temple. When they round a corner, Tao stops short, a flash of red and black catching his eye and his breath hitches, which gets Katara's attention as well as Sokka lands in a snow drift nearby. It was a Fire Nation helmet, one from a hundred years ago, rusting at the edges and weathered from being in the elements. Tao can't help but tremble at the sight of it, reality crashing over him, his golden eyes going wide. His legs are moving before his mind realizes he's running at a dead sprint away from the group, breath raking in and out of him in tight gasps, and its several minutes before he slows down, looking around, not recognizing where he was. Everything was so different without the monks and the different colored cloths hanging here and there, covering windows and doorways or shading walkways. Now trees grew where bushes once were, and bushes grew from cracks in the cobbled paths.

Shuddering, hugging himself for comfort as well as warmth, Tao looks around and starts shuffling his way forward, mind spinning. Firebenders had been here. They had been to the temple. Turning a corner, the remnants of a broken door catch his attention, the edges of it charcoal, old ash marks still on the frame. Swallowing hard, Tao takes a better look at the building, dread rising in him like bile when he recognizes one of the boys dorms, where young airbenders slept together between training and classes and play. His legs feel like jelly as he moves forward, feet falling like blocks of iron on the stones, and soon he's standing in the doorway. The inside of the building was just as bleak as the outside, with streaks of black ash and soot faint on the walls, mold and moss growing in the corners top and bottom. Every piece of furniture was broken, what fabric remained was threadbare and tattered, or burned. Working up the courage to look into one room, Tao shudders when he sees a couple skeletons wearing Fire Nation armor laid just inside the doorway, and beyond them, the skeleton of a monk wearing the tatters of his robe. Breath fogging in and out of his lungs like shards of ice, Tao moves forward, body buzzing and numb, steps heavy. No... no this couldn't be real. This was some horrible, horrible dream. The worst nightmare of his life. He'd rather be struck across the face a thousand times, ten thousand times, than accept that what he was seeing was, in fact, reality.

But as he makes his way up the spiral stairs and to the top level of the dorm, the charcoal shards of a door stop him. The roof was mostly gone, allowing snow inside, which also allowed light inside. More armored skeletons lay scattered about, and as Tao steps over one, he stops cold. Against the back wall, clutching each other, were the remains of several young airbender boys, their robes burned. Before them were two adult monks, crumpled where they had fallen, more heavily burned than the boys were, having died trying to protect them. Tao falls to his knees in a pile of snow in the center of the room, staring at the heap of skeletons, feeling utterly sick to his stomach. Shaking, he clutches at his head, falling forward, barely noticing an echoing explosion some distance away as his forehead connects with the cold stone floor. Curling up as small as he could, panting and shuddering, Tao screams, throat aching and hot as a clump of emotions coils painfully tight in his throat, the back of his neck cold as ice.

How many? How many people that he knew had been here? How many people that he knew had taken the lives of innocent, peaceful monks? If he hadn't been with Aang when the young Avatar had run away, would Tao have been drafted into this war, and been part of this travesty? And why... why was this something that had happened? All of the Fire Nation knew that Fire Lord Sozin was an ambitious man, and the nation had prospered greatly under his lengthy rule. But Tao had never, not in his wildest dreams, thought that he would ever be capable of something this... this evil.

Tao finds it hard to breath as he forces air in and out of his chest, entire body shaking with each rasping gasp, and eventually he falls onto his side, curling into a tight ball, sobbing and pulling at his hair. His people had been responsible for this. His people had murdered thousands of Air Nomads. Even the children. They had died in pure terror, burned to death, writhing in agony, screaming in pain. Someone was yelling somewhere, and it takes a moment for Tao to realize it was him, but he can't stop. He can't move. He can't open his eyes. He didn't want to. If he did, he'd see the bodies again. And he would be forced to further come to grips with the fact that there had in fact been a massacre. The army had been ordered to march into this temple and kill everyone, and no one had thought to question it or to push back against the Fire Lord enough to stop it. They had just... done it.

Bile rises in his throat, and Tao barely pushes himself up enough in time before he vomits his breakfast up, sobbing, drooling, crying, a disgusting mess, his mind spinning but numb at the same time. He doesn't know how long he's on his knees in this room filled with death, shaking and clutching at himself, but eventually he's hearing his name being shouted in the distance somewhere. It sounded like Aang.

Aang...

Would his friend look at him differently now? Would Aang hate him now? That thought renews his trembling and sobbing, fingers curling into his clothes in a false hug. Aang was all he had left of his time. His only friend that remained. And now, Tao was the boy from the nation that was responsible for all this death. This murder. He didn't know how he would cope if Aang cast him out now, even though a tiny voice in the back of his head whispered to him that that wasn't in the young airbender's nature. That Aang wouldn't do that to him, that he wouldn't blame him for this. He hadn't been there. He had been in the iceberg with him.

The shouting, now joined by Sokka and Katara's voices, draws closer and then slowly passes, Tao clamping his hands over his mouth to quiet his whimpering and sobbing when they get close to the dorms. It didn't sound like they were going into any buildings, he couldn't imagine they would want to, and Tao was grateful for that. He couldn't face them yet. Katara and Sokka barely trusted him now as it was. However, Tao knew he also couldn't stay here forever. There weren't any resources in the temple he could live off of, and it wasn't like Aang would just leave him here either.

Eventually, he gets his legs to cooperate and forces himself up, weak and wobbly, mouth tasting sour and eyes itchy and dry. He doesn't care beyond just wiping his face, and slowly staggers his way down the spiral stairs. He stops in the shadow of the entrance hallway of the dorm, seeing his three companions gathered at the end of the promenade, talking in anxious voices that he couldn't quite make out, and jerky movements. Aang in particular seemed the most distressed, and that just makes the guilt coiled up in Tao's chest like a snake hurt even more. He can't stay in the shadows forever though, moving forward into the doorway, and then onto the front step of the dorm, and Sokka is the first to spot him, shouting and pointing. Aang is in front of him in a flash, and Tao is sure that he looked like an absolute mess. Aang didn't look super great either. His eyes were bloodshot and shiny, and his face was red with tear tracks, his clothing and skin dull with dust that hadn't been there before. The moment their eyes meet, Aang flings himself at Tao, who flinches, expecting to be struck. But instead, Aang wraps his arms around Tao's neck and clings to him for dear life, who after a moment of hesitation returns the hug tightly, both of them shaking.

"I'm sorry..." Tao whispers, voice raspy and thick, half muffled in Aang's clothing.

"For what?" the small monk asks, clearly confused, which just confuses Tao.

"All of this... the monks... they're gone and it was my people who-"

"No- Tao don't apologize." stepping back, Aang puts on an uncharacteristically serious expression, holding onto his friend's wrists tightly, even with his shaking hands, gray eyes meeting gold. "You're not responsible for this, or for the actions of the Fire Nation since the start of the war. You were in the iceberg with me. And even if you weren't, its not like you're the Fire Lord or were ever going to be. You didn't give the order. You didn't lead the attack. Don't say sorry for something you had nothing to do with." Aang says, and for a moment, a brief moment, Tao can see the makings of a great Avatar in the young boy.

Pressing his lips together in a thin line, Tao is quiet for a few heartbeats, unable to make himself speak the words sitting on his tongue for a long time, insecurity paralyzing him as Katara and Sokka walk up. "You... you still want me traveling with you right?" he eventually whispers, Aang almost immediately nodding with great energy.

"Of course! Oh! I want you to meet someone." bouncing away a few steps, Aang reaches out and plucks a flying lemur off Sokka's back, the Water Tribe teen busy filling his mouth with fruit and nuts. "This is Momo! He's going to be coming with us." he says. Momo chitters at the airbender for a moment before looking at Tao with wide, curious green eyes, massive ears standing at attention. The lemur seems to approve of him though, because he hops from Aang's arm across to Tao's shoulder, who hesitates for a moment before reaching up and patting his head with a small, if shaky, smile.

"He's cute." he remarks. Then he looks back at Aang, brow furrowing a little. "Did you find what you were looking for?" he asks, which sobers Aang greatly.

"Uh... sort of. I... I also found..." trailing off, the boy's eyes grow misty and he looks down and away, taking in a bracing breath. "I found Gyatso..." he whispers, Katara letting out a sympathetic hum and resting a gloved hand on his shoulder. Aang doesn't elaborate on that, and Tao doesn't want him to, any more than he wants to go into detail of what he had found. It was very likely that some of the boys in the upper room of the dorm had been boys that he and Aang had played with as recently as the day they had left the temple together, which for them was just a couple days, even if it was a hundred years for the rest of the world. It was jarring, thinking about that time discrepancy.

"Let's get out of here Aang. We can camp down the mountain from the temple and head out in the morning." Katara suggest gently, which Aang is eager to agree to. She and Aang take the lead, Momo jumping back to the little airbender's shoulder from Tao, and he and Sokka bring up the rear. The Water Tribe boy offers a peach to Tao, who takes it but doesn't take a bite. He was pretty sure if he did, he'd throw up again. His steps were slow, Aang and Katara pulling ahead gradually, and he was surprised that Sokka kept step with him the whole time. He and the other teen hadn't spoken much since they had left the Water Tribe, but his demeanor had become much less frosty. It was clear Aang trusted and cared for him, so he was someone who could be trusted, despite Sokka's misgivings towards firebenders. Though to be fair, he hadn't actually seen Tao bend fire yet, just redirect it.

"You found something awful, didn't you?" Sokka eventually says, keeping his voice quiet so the two in front them wouldn't overhear. Tao takes in a bracing breath and then just nods, though it was suddenly hard to breathe again. Sokka goes quiet again for a few steps before letting out a breath. "When Aang found Gyatso... he went into the Avatar State he was so upset by it. Katara was able to talk him down but..."

"Its going to take him time to recover." Tao finishes, nodding his understanding. "I know. This place was his whole life. He traveled and had friends all over the world, but this was where he was born and grew up. Now there's only... skeletons and dust." sighing, he passes the peach back to Sokka and then rubs a hand through his hair. "For us, this place was full of life just a couple days ago. To go from seeing men and boys of flesh and blood to skeletons is... its..." trailing into a sigh, he shakes his head, a hard shudder going through him, his breath quickening and the corners of his eyes going fuzzy. "How could anyone do this?" stopping, he crosses his arms, though it was more of a hugging motion, hands shaking. "How could my country do this?"

Sokka stops as well, a few paces ahead, and turns to face him, giving him an appraising look through narrowed blue eyes. His expression wasn't cold or hateful though, just studying. Taking in this 'ash-maker' who was barely containing a breakdown over the massacre, the genocide, of people that weren't even his own. It stood in opposition to everything he had ever been taught about people of the Fire Nation. "I don't know the answer to that. But I do know that with Aang's help, we can put a stop to more senseless death and destruction. We can take out the Fire Lord and end this war." he states with confidence. "That's why we're going to the North Pole. And along the way, we might even pick up an earthbending teacher too. And hey- we've already got a firebender with you. You could teach that to Aang."

"No, I couldn't." Tao says, shaking his head, glad for the distraction, wanting to talk about anything but the graveyard around them as they start walking again. Sokka gives him a confused look, and the firebender sighs. "My firebending is... different from the norm. I couldn't learn it the normal way, so the way I bend doesn't translate well into something that can be taught. It wouldn't make sense. That and... the way I was taught was... harsh. I don't want to accidentally start doing that sort of thing to Aang." reaching up, he rubs at his burn scar, averting his eyes, hoping Sokka doesn't ask for details. He wasn't ready for that story yet. And luckily for him, Sokka doesn't ask, and they fall into companionable silence for the rest of the walk back down to Appa.

Gathering some more fruit and nuts, they fly away from the temple, Aang watching it until it faded out of sight, Tao doing everything he could to not look at it. Once the clouds consume the towers, Tao's shoulders relax and he leans more comfortably against the side of the saddle. He was exhausted, mentally as well as physically, but he didn't want to sleep. And luckily once they reach the coast and land, he occupies himself helping Sokka set up the tents while Katara gets her cooking supplies out and starts gathering dry driftwood to set up the fire. Aang gets Appa's saddle off him, and once the tents are up, Sokka gets his fishing rod out and goes to sit on a rock to try and catch a couple fish for everyone but Aang to have. Katara spends a while digging through her bag for something once the wood is set up for the fire, before stopping and letting out a frustrated huff.

"I can't find my spark rocks." she says, frowning. Then she looks at Tao, who was absently scratching at Momo's ears. "Tao, do you think you could get the fire started?" she asks, startling him out of his musings. He blinks a couple times and then nods, making his way over to the fire and flicking his fingers, fire coming off the ends of his fingers and lighting the dry wood in the middle, and he watches Katara's eyes widen. "Tao... why is your fire blue? I- I didn't know it could be that color." she asks as Aang walks up, the monk getting a slight grimace on his face as Tao's eyes glaze over a little and he looks away.

"Blue fire burns hotter. Its a sign of perfect combustion. My father expected perfection from me." he says blandly, reaching up and absently rubbing at the wrinkled, puckered scar tissue by his mouth. Katara's eyes widen in understanding, and thankfully, she doesn't press. He didn't think he could handle that after the day he had already had. Aang comes and sits beside him, and thankfully doesn't touch him, just offering his quiet presence as comfort. Which was enough for him. While Aang was very touchy and relied a lot on physical contact to show affection and comfort, Tao wasn't always alright with being touched, and he knew that.

Conversation is sparse between Katara and Aang while Tao contents himself with quietly petting Momo, who curls up in his crossed legs quite happily. Eventually Sokka comes back over with three decent sized fish, and while he scales and guts them, Katara gets started on some rice porridge as a side for them and the main meal for Aang, adding some cut fruit and nuts to it to give it some flavor. The weight of the temple was heavy on all of them, and lengthy conversation seemed to be too many words for the somber mood of the evening as the sun slowly sank below the horizon. Soon only light source was the golden light of the campfire, and gradually, Sokka then Katara head over to the tents to get some sleep. Aang remains beside Tao in silence, tossing a couple more sticks onto the fire to keep it burning. Eventually the little monk speaks up. "I can't believe... everyone is gone." he whispers, and Tao barely hears him over the waves against the sand and the crackling of the fire.

Letting out a breath, shutting his eyes, Tao shakes his head. "Its... its hard to fathom... Spirits... how many people that I knew were involved in this..." he murmurs, shuddering, fingers scratching through the fur on Momo's back.

"Don't think about things like that. It won't do you any good. All we can do now is look ahead... heal. Both of us." Aang says, and when Tao opens his eyes, the monk is smiling at him with meaning. Tao snorts, looking back down at the lemur in his lap.

"Do I deserve to heal?"

"Of course you do. You're not responsible for what the Fire Nation did and is doing. Don't put their sins on your shoulders. We were gone for a hundred years. Now we need to make a difference. Make up for lost time."

"That's not a great mindset either y'know. Lost time can't be 'made up.' I think... I think just taking it one day at a time is the best thing both of us can do. At least we're not alone in this. We have each other. And Katara and Sokka have taken quite the shine to you. I think they're still unsure about me."

Aang smiles and rests his hand on Tao's shoulder lightly, pulling it away quickly when the teen's muscles jump under his palm. "They'll be your friends before you know it. How can they not be? Once they get to know you, and you open up to them, they'll see just how fun and nice you can be." he says with a small giggle, getting a smile out of Tao despite his rather down mood. "Just give it time. They don't know you like I do. They already trust you. Now they just have to come to see you as their friend."

"I suppose you're right. As usual. You should go get some sleep. I'll watch the fire for a while." Tao hums, relieved when Aang doesn't argue or linger, making his way over to Appa and getting comfortable on one of his legs for the night. Tao can't sleep, even after a couple hours and feeding the fire several times, so instead he decides to just get comfortable and meditate. At least that way he could shut his mind off a little, and just focus on his chi and the fire in front of him and within him, rather than his racing thoughts.

It wasn't that simple though. Eventually, his meditation does turn into dozing off, and his dreams were dark. He can feel eyes on him from the blackness around him, spinning in a circle, chest heaving but he felt like he couldn't breathe, being crushed under the weight of the stares from invisible eyes. Eyes accusing him, hating him. They didn't have to speak. He could hear their thoughts clear enough. They blamed him for the death of the Air Nomads. They accused him of stealing Aang from them. If he had done more to convince Aang to not run away, maybe the nomads, at least at the southern temple may have lived. His people slaughtered thousands, from elders to infants. His people were responsible. And by proxy, so was he.

Hands on his shoulders wake him with a cry and he lashes out with one arm, bright blue fire shooting out, which Aang quickly deflects and snuffs out with a flick of his staff as Tao's eyes snap open and he sits up quickly, panting hard, amber eyes staring at the burned out fire. He had fallen asleep and laid on his back at some point... he could still feel the eyes on him from his dream as he looks around in a frenzy. But he only sees Aang, Appa, and Momo, and then Katara and Sokka several feet away, coming out of their tents. Shuddering, he rubs his hands through his hair and glances at Aang. "Sorry." is all he can muster, voice rough. Aang just smiles, shaking his head.

"Its ok. I had a nightmare too." he says with understanding, more than Tao felt he deserved right now. "Its dawn. Why don't you start the fire back up, and we can have breakfast before we leave?" with a simple nod, Tao gets up to go gather some driftwood, fingers trembling with the remnants of the nightmare. But, it was good to have something to focus on. He's quiet for the rest of the morning, and soon they're back in the air, heading vaguely north, away from the mountains, and far, far away from the temple.

And that's chapter two. Lots of heavy stuff here, and my best attempt to keep it real but also close to in-character. It wasn't easy and I'm not super sure I succeeded. Next up is Kyoshi Island. We'll see how well things go for our intrepid heroes there, having a firebender in their company.