Play List:
Andy Black - We Don't Have to Dance
OneRepublic - All The Right Moves
Walk The Moon - One Foot
Robyn - Dancing On My Own
Sam Smith - Diamonds
Harry Styles - Watermelon Sugar
Rihanna - Dancing in the Dark
Fatboy Slim - Demons
Tegan and Sarah - Closer
Panic! At the Disco - LA Devotee
Panic! At the Disco - King of the Clouds
Alessia Cara - Here
Rihanna - As Real As You And Me
Chapter 16: (OH LOOK! SEX!)
Elyria, you can have a mental and emotional breakdown once you get back to Haven. That is what I promised myself days ago when we were still in the Hinterlands. One hundred and forty one feet to my cabin from the stables. From there seventeen steps to the bed. Once everything was all cried out and my brain could get back on track to saving Thedas with my friends, then I'd go see the council.
At least, that was the plan.
It's a blur really. Those minutes after I came back to the present were clear as crystal. Every word accounted for. Every single emotion running through me and then there was Anora and my anger had a target.
After walking out of the Chantry, Alistair hot on my heels talking about how amazing that was. How amazing I was. He laughed and he smiled and I remembered those words the future Fenris said.
My friend, whose eyes were alight with emotion and a big grin plastered on his stupidly handsome face. He loved me. He didn't know it until after everyone thought I was dead. Then this stupid, stupid man went ahead and tried to lead an army in my name.
I hit him so hard I felt his jaw crack.
Boggie looked down at me like she felt bad for me. Maybe that's me projecting. I did feel like a complete and utter a-hole for hitting Alistair. I was just so angry, and overwhelmed and violence isn't the way I should have reacted. I know that. I have no excuses, but I can't even look at him without being upset with him.
He went and got himself killed in my name, the reckless idiot.
Now we're back at Haven and I have to deal with Fenris too. God damn.
"My lady?" The way the stable hand spoke to me made me think he had tried at least once before to get my attention. He stood there hesitantly holding one hand out to take Boggie's reins. I gripped the leather tightly for a second longer, then released it, handing her over to him.
One undead horse wasn't going to stand between me and facing the music. Or either one of the musicians. My life is an effing mess. Can I just sink into my bed and sleep a thousand years? Please?
I walked out of the stables, ready to take a nap. Of course that wasn't going to happen. Nope. No way fate would just let me rest.
There he was.
Standing there, looking at me, watching me with those eyes of his. Looking like a dark splotch of the darkest ink tipped in silver among the sea of green, brown and white in a black coat, and black pants and black boots. No more uncovered feet for him I suppose. Not in the snow. The soldiers, the recruits, the mages, the templars, all moved around him as he stood stock still by the main gates into Haven. Like he was waiting for me.
Looking down I breathed out a shuddering breath. I saw him die. The tears burned my eyes. It hurt to even breathe. I managed a few feet looking down at the ground - I'm from New York, it's a gift we're all born with, navigating without looking up - before black boots made their way into my vision. Directly in front of me stopping my path.
"Elyria," Fenris' voice said my name gently, carefully. Like he was trying not to get me upset.
Too late.
My vocal chords just did not want to work, they hurt from holding back tears, tight and painful. My mouth opened but no sound came out. He said he loved me. The other him, in the other timeline. The one that died to make sure I changed the future. He said he loved me and he always had. Even when he was angry with me.
"I…" my voice, rough with all the things I couldn't say and wanted to, sounded so foreign to my ears. How do you fix something this broken?
"Elyria," his voice was almost pleading, "please look at me?"
Breathing out, the air puffing with the heat, I managed to raise my head and look up at the person that I fell in love with. Alive and warm and looking at me with those beautiful eyes of his. The tears welled up and I tried not to blink. I really did but...but he cupped my chin with one hand, brushing a thumb across my cheek.
He looked so concerned. Brushing hair from my eyes, his thumb swiped scalding tears away. "Tell me what happened."
One more time I opened my mouth and fathomed up the strength from somewhere to say, "Fenris."
Fenris dipped one hand into the water, bubbles surfacing with the movement of a soapy washcloth across Elyria's skin. She had wanted a bath. Despite him insisting they could talk easily without one, the haunted look in her eyes left him unable to protest further. Elyria's fingers linked with his and tugged him along after her to the cabin. Her cabin. She stripped down from her armor until she was in dirty long undergarments, dingy white and blue. A short time later there were people at the door delivering hot water and a medium sized wooden tub.
He began to turn around when she took off the shirt.
"The last time I saw you turn your back on me, I watched you die." Her voice, tight, full of emotions that left him heart sore and yet hopeful.
He understood there had been magisters. At the time he spat. Always magisters destroying and tearing apart that which they have no right to touch.
They tore time, forcing Elyria forward, and she had seen things. Seen him. The assassin- he told himself to name her, Leliana, Elyria's friend of many years, Alistair's friend of many years, let him read the letter. It wasn't addressed to him, but to her and the diplomat and Cassandra. He wondered, absently, if Leliana would have let him read it had he not been her companion in the time that now was not.
Fenris paused, and turned back. "It wasn't me."
"It was you." She said bitterly and peeled off the shirt to reveal her breast binds. He always thought the ones from Earth were odd. More ornamental than out of necessity. As evidenced by the tiny delicate bow situated between her breasts where the material separated her breasts and the very fine, tight frills on each of the straps. Odd that women here would use simple leather and cloth to bind themselves down and women from Earth used what Elyria liked to call - over the shoulder boulder holders. Though he was certain, at least from the last time he handled one, there was metal in all of that cloth and stitching.
"If you saw me die, what would you do?" She asked, drawing him his attention back to her.
Destroy the one who did it. With the utmost hatred. He opened his mouth to speak and the words died on his lips as she pushed the pants, and her small clothes down and kicked them off. His breath left him as she undid the breast binds and tossed them away too.
He always loved her body. Always. Her skin, dirty as it was now from several days of fighting and trekking to and from Haven, still pulled his gaze. All of that perfect skin. She had scars, of course, they both did, but hers faded into her flesh better than his did. Hers didn't glow.
She covered her breasts after a moment of him watching her. He half wanted to pull her arm away from blocking his view. Watching him in return, Elyria stepped into the water and sank in until her body was mostly covered. She grabbed up the cloth and soap, holding them out to him. "Wash my back?"
Thus, he supposed, they returned to where his thoughts began.
"Begin with the beginning," he told her gently, moving aside hair that was more blonde than green and purple now, "and go until you cannot anymore."
Her head bowed, arms wrapped around the knees drawn up against her chest. Curled in on herself like that, she looked so very small. Silently she looked over her shoulder at him. Green eyes as bright as his were dark. "What if you don't like what you hear?"
"It can't be any worse than my death."
She breathed out slowly. "No rants about magisters until I'm done."
He chuckled. She knew him too well. "I will try."
Elyria drew in a shuddering breath. "They sent me and Dorian forward in time. About a year." He cursed, she glanced at him but continued. "Next Harvestmere. Everyone was…" she swallowed hard, he heard her voice tremor, "everyone was infected with red lyrium. Worse than Bertrand. Their eyes, your eyes, glowed orange and red. And your scars." She turned a little, taking one of his hands in hers and gently traced, but did not touch the outline of silver on his skin. "They were bright red with little bumps of crystals under the skin."
Fenris' other hand stopped completely. "Red lyrium in my skin?" Like the templars they fought? He remembered one that got close enough that Fenris could see the crystals forming down the man's throat when crying out. A wave of sickly heat shot through him, leaving him feeling ill.
Her head bobbed. "And it burned you." She released his hand. "It was growing out of Alistair's mother. She was almost consumed by it."
Alistair's mother? She must be mistaken. "His mother is dead."
"His mother is Fiona, the Grand Enchanter." She told him solemnly. "Who is very, very much alive, breathing and still an elf thanks to all of us. Explains some things, like those gold-green-brown eyes of his."
Fenris took her shoulder, forcing her to look at him. "Alistair's mother is an elf?" His friend, his best friend, was elf-blooded? Today was full of surprising turns and events.
"Long, long story for a different day." She tried to smile at him, but couldn't seem to manage it fully. "You, the other you, told me Alistair was dead. The fool tried to raise a damn army in my name and rally the Inquisition." Elyria shook her head, laughing tiredly. Traces of bitterness in her tone. "He knows he's got no head for leadership."
"Is that why he is avoiding you?" Fenris asked, gliding the cloth across her shoulders and down one arm. He'd seen Alistair duck away, out of sight when Fenris approached Elyria by the stables. Fenris had thought, perhaps, Alistair was having one of his panicked moments and needed quiet to calm down. They happened more frequently now that Alistair could hear the Calling.
"No," She said guiltily, "I punched him and ordered him to stay out of my sight. A couple of times." One of her hands stopped him from cleaning the other arm. "Fenris...I need to ask you something but I need to make sure that you're not going to go out and stick your hand through Alistair's chest."
He would never. Not unless Alistair did something like murder Elyria. Fatally wound her. Assault her with intent to harm. "I won't."
"You told me," she licked her lips, "the future you told me something about Alistair. And, again, I need you to promise me you won't kill Alistair." She breathed out one long hard breath, and turned around as best she could in the basin to face him. Her arms around her knees still, not meeting his gaze. Elyria took one of his hands in hers, their fingers laced. She squeezed his hand slowly.
Fenris, setting the cloth and soap down, the latter on top of the former at the side of the tub. "This is bothering you isn't it? Enough to think I would kill him?" He could not fathom an instance large enough or terrible enough for him to assault Alistair let alone kill his friend. Their friend.
"The you in the future said, told me that," her eyes shifted away again, "that despite all the women that Alistair may have courted, he was in love with me. That you knew." Her fingers tightened around his. "If you say you don't know, I'll believe you." She whispered desperately, green eyes nearly begging him for something.
He did know, or suspected at least. He had for some time. Perhaps the version of him that Elyria spoke to in the future knew more. "I didn't know for certain until now." He said after several moments of silence. The wound in his chest began to bleed again, raw and agonizing. "If you wish for me to stand aside-"
She leaned forward and pressed her lips to his. She grabbed at his clothing, the collar of his shirt. "Take these off. The water's getting cold."
If he thought that their two nights together had been intimate, he learned, once again, Elyria could surprise him. Naked as the day she was born, rivulets of water sliding down her skin, Elyria kissed him again and again, tugging his clothing loose. Damp fingers worked on the laces to his vest, helping him untie it. The moment it fell away, discarded haphazardly, he stilled her hands, holding them in his.
"Don't you want me?" She asked, brow furrowed, uncertainty in her tone.
Fenris leaned down, pressing his mouth to hers, releasing her hands so he could sink his fingers into her hair. He tilted her head back, allowing him better access to kiss her properly. "I've always wanted you," he whispered against her mouth. He had too many nights under his belt where he moaned her name at the thought of sinking into her.
"Where can I touch you that I won't hurt you?" She whispered against his lips. Her fingers worked double time to remove his pants.
He smiled, kissing her once more, his tongue sweeping into her mouth making her moan. He kicked off his boots and pants quickly. He nuzzled one cheek, whispering into her ear, "Anywhere."
Lower lip caught between her teeth she looked up at him with lust in her eyes. "Anywhere?"
He entwined their hands, fingers and stepped into the tub with her. The water was getting cooler, but not cold, not yet. "Anywhere."
Elyria wasted no time. She pressed against him, breasts, belly, hips. The heat of her core tantalizing close enough to remind him he'd never been inside her before. "Anywhere?" She repeated, lips parted, damp and swollen from kissing him back.
In turn he leaned down the few inches between them and kissed her soundly once more. His fingers found her hair, combing through damp locks, tilting her head back for better access to her lips. Open mouthed kisses, tongues dueling, he groaned at the carnality of it. His cock hardening between them made itself evident. "Anywhere," he rolled his hips against her lower stomach. "Everywhere."
Gently, carefully, she touched his upper arms, where the tattoos were thick with swirling embellishments. A faint glow lit up the space between them. "Is this okay?" She whispered against his lips.
"Yes," he murmured in return, watching as she took the utmost care to trail her fingers up his dark skin to his shoulders and paused once more. She pressed up on the balls of her feet and gently nuzzled his chin and jaw. In response he tilted his head back and to the side to give her access.
He didn't know what to expect, but with Elyria, he should have expected the unexpected. Warm damp lips and a talented tongue against his pulse, sucking, licking, biting. He felt it in his knees. And his cock. At some point one of her hands left his shoulders in exchange for stroking the hard, aching part of him. Fenris held onto her, her hip, the back of her neck and let out an oath to the Maker.
With a small, much too amused for his liking, laugh against the skin of his left shoulder, "I'm guessing you liked that."
"Woman," he growled the word.
In response she stroked him at a quick pace, squeezing him with just enough pressure to make him curse in arcanum. She was much too good at doing that to him. "Yes Fenris?" She batted pale eyelashes at him and smiled too innocently to have her hand wrapped around his cock.
To hell with foreplay.
Firmly he took her wrist and removed it from his member. Elyria frowned, "Did I hur- Fenris!"
He none too gently or elegantly, gripped both of her legs under the knee and lifted her, forcing her to wrap both legs around his hips and her arms around his shoulders and neck. He grunted when the heat of her core came into contact with his length. "That," he nipped her lower lip, trembling where it was an inch or so from his mouth, "is for teasing me."
In response, she kissed him again, her tongue coaxing his in a pale imitation of what they were about to do. He took a step out of the tub, then another toward the wall.
"No, wait, wait," Elyria murmured against his lips. "Bed, please? Up against the wall is probably a lot of fun, but in my fantasies you're above me the first time."
Fantasies. She had fantasies of their first time. Maker, who made this woman? She was perfect for him.
They fell into bed clinging to one another, skin dampened with water and sweat. Her legs parted, him kneeling between them. Fenris' hands slid down her thighs, taking her hip in one, the other trailing up her torso to plant itself on the bed by one of her shoulders. "Are you certain?"
She pushed up on one elbow, touching his face with the other hand. Fingers trailing gently through his hair, down the right side of his face. "I love you."
He kissed her back for all he was worth, "As I love you." With that he moved, sinking himself into her heat.
Alistair knew now, because he was not the naive person that many thought he was (and he had three days to think on it), that he had developed feelings for Elyria at some point. When that point was, he hadn't quite been sure. Certainly before she left. Some time after the tree incident. He thought, aside from the couple of moments after she fell out of that stupid tree and glared at him, snapping that she was not in fact chaisned, that there was a woman who he might like to argue with for the rest of his life. Then her gaze turned on to Aedan and well, Alistair let it go. He wasn't one to compete and they did make quite a pair. He could be her friend.
He was. Through every dumb joke, reference he didn't understand, training her, watching her back when she watched his, late nights as they patrolled around camp. Elyria was his best friend. She smiled and it made him happy to be cared about. She gave a damn whether he lived or died. He gave a damn whether she was happy or not.
It took a lot to stay out of their fights. He would collect wood or cook or something, anything to stay out of it. He would have punched Aedan if he knew the real reason at the time. He hadn't though, so he sat with Ellie until she was done being upset. Listening when she talked about the other things like home and how much she wanted to eat something called a bagel again. He had no idea what creamed cheese was, but it sounded good. It was cheese. How could it not be good? With strawberry jam, even better.
Eventually the two would make up and she would sleep in Aedan's tent once more. Then another fight. Wynne told him sometimes it took a while for couples to fully understand one another.
Which didn't make much sense to him at the time because Alistair and Elyria never fought. Ever. Except, perhaps that one time, over who got the last slice of 'cheesy' bread. He liked cheese, as did she. The split the slice.
It felt like it took the whole six months of travel for them to stop. Then there was the landsmeet and Alistair lost, as Ellie would say, his shit. He left and buried himself in a succession of bottles. Sometimes, when he was sober enough to work long enough to earn more money, he'd remember she told him she would go to Kirkwall.
He heard that Aedan married Anora at some point later on. The two deserved one another.
So he traveled and he drank and he forgot about things. He ended up at the Hanged Man, less because he remembered the name and more because the beer was cheap. He didn't even think about Ellie until he saw her standing there in front of him, calling him sunshine like he'd never walked away from his best friend or his life.
He got away with drinking his life away for a bit. Then she gave him an ultimatum, clean up or get out. How could he leave when someone else actually loved him? Who loved him enough before to drive off his nightmares? He stayed and he avoided anything but mulled wine, and settled into snuggling with Ellie at night. She made him learn to cook. She made him laugh. That's probably when it happened. When she told him some raunchy joke over dinner one night and instead of blushing, he laughed too.
He had, once or twice, entertained the idea that maybe, if Ellie didn't meet anyone and he didn't, maybe they could try. They might never have a baby. He wasn't sure he could give her one but he'd certainly try.
That was before he realized that she and Fenris watched each other when the other wasn't looking. And the looks they did share when one caught the other. He'd have been a fool not to see it. The tension between them was thick enough to cut with a knife. But Alistair hadn't known back then, so he shrugged it off. Ellie could find happiness, so could he.
He tried courting Nettie's niece. She was very nice, but she didn't laugh at any of his jokes. She wanted something more than he could give her so he said goodbye.
There was Dana, an eighth daughter of a lesser noble. No one would throw up a fuss she said pressing kisses to his neck. They did. She was married off before he saw her five times.
There was Lucy, she was Ferelen, from Gwaren. She touted the heroism of Logain, her formal Tyren. He told her as politely as possible her great Tyren's crimes. To which she excused as only against the wardens and the rude term for elves. He left before he felt the need to grab another bottle and lose himself in it.
When Elyria and Fenris became more than just friends, he was the only one who knew. Besides Nettie and eventually Bethany.
Bethany had been sweet. Kind. A little bit dirty. He liked her. They got pretty far once, mostly because he'd let himself get past tipsy and Fenris had gone to bed. She'd guided his hand under her skirts and he finally understood women were harder to satisfy than a man. Not that he didn't get her to finish. Her broken soft sighs made him hard. Then he brought her hand down and showed her what he liked. The next morning, neither of them could look the other in the eye. It was an awkward few days.
Which Fenris was blissfully unaware of because he was too busy brooding over Elyria.
They talked a few days later. It was nice. It wouldn't happen again. She was a mage and eventually she'd have to go back to the Gallows. There was no point. And Hawke would kill him.
It didn't happen again. He wasn't sure if that was good or bad.
The night before they reached Denerim the second time he met Ana. She'd flirted with him all night and Bethany seemed unbothered by it. It got late, Fenris now drinking himself into a stupor every night rather than miss Ellie, didn't notice or didn't care. Bethany went to bed and Ana crooked her finger at him. It didn't take long, not the first time. He'd pulled out of her, spilling himself on the towels she put down. She hummed at him, "Considerate one aren't you?" She stroked his still hard member and brought him back to her heat and this time he made sure she finished too.
"Next time you're in town," she told him as they dressed the next morning, "come by." She winked at him and went off to work.
Fenris was sitting in the tavern, already eating. He nearly choked on his food seeing Alistair strolling to the table without a care. "The barmaid?"
Alistair, not one to kiss and tell, took a blueberry off Fenris plate and grinned.
They returned to Kirkwall, and informed everyone that Ellie lost the fight. She'd been pulled back to the place she'd come from. Fenris moved out of his ramshackle purloined house and into Ellie's room. Alistair didn't argue. He missed her too.
He dusted her things off regularly. Made sure her weapons stayed sharp. He worked for Nettie. Time passed. He and Fenris became good friends rather than just roommates. They talked sometimes about what she might be doing right then. Driving the thing she called a car. Listening to music. Watching a movie (pictures moving across something called a screen), riding the subway, whatever that was. Thinking about them.
Alistair should have guessed it then. Back then when there was a hollow space in his life where Ellie fit. He didn't. Not even when he saw her again standing there in the snow big green eyes, hair wild with color, he didn't even remember telling his feet to walk. They knew before he did.
He didn't know caring about someone the way he cared about Elyria was love. How could he have known? He'd never been in love before. He'd never been loved by anyone before.
No. He had been. By Elyria.
Idiot. Complete moron.
He pulled his coat tightly around his neck and waited at the back of the stables for the handful of minutes it took for Elyria to hand off the reins to one of the stable hands. Then he waited another minute or so before exiting the stables. He should have waited another moment longer, Alistair realized, a pang of regret and self loathing hitting his gut. He watched Elyria take Fenris' hand and lead him away.
Why did this hurt? He knew Elyria loved Fenris. He knew it. He also knew Fenris would eventually get over being angry with her. They were good for one another. They loved one another.
Chest and throat tight, he breathed out into the frigid winter air.
"You don't have to pull out. You can finish inside me." She whispered hotly in his ear, and Maker knows, he hadn't wanted to. The realization they were risking a child came to him after the glow (literally in his case) of orgasm had subsided for the intimate press of her body against his under the sheets of her bed. He held her lower belly afterward, thumb stroking just under her navel. "Are you sure?"
Sleepily she murmured, "hmm?" The fingers of one hand framed his ribcage, while one thigh rested atop his. "Sure about what?" Mint green eyes met his. Outside the sunlight was fading and the cabin grew dark. "About the inquisition? About us? About," she broke eye contact as if guilty, "Alistair?"
They hadn't finished that part of the conversation. They would, eventually, Fenris decided. Just not at this moment. He cupped her lower belly now. "Are you going to drink moontea later…?" he let the implication of the opposite of taking moon tea settle in. He wasn't opposed to it.
She smiled slowly, sleepily, against his shoulder, planting a small kiss against one silver-blue whorl. "I have a little bit of plastic in me keeping me from getting pregnant. For the next three years we're safe to do as we please in bed." She took one of his hands, brought it to her right arm. Gently pressing his fingers down he felt something beneath the skin.
Fenris brow drew together in confusion. "What is…" his fingers trailed down for a couple of inches feeling something hard under the layer of skin. It gave easily when pressed down. "This keeps a child from growing?"
She nodded, yawning and burying her face in the pillow. "Mmm, we still have to be more careful. These things don't always work properly." She yawned again, pressing closer, the swell of her breasts against his side, her thigh brushing his cock. "Emma can explain better. She's a nurse." Elyria groaned then. "Damn it...Emma." Forehead against his chest, neck bowed, "and Alistair for that matter too. Fuck."
His love. Always eloquent with her words. "I was hoping to put the subject off for a while."
"Me too," She curled against him, wrapping him like a sloth to a tree branch. "But Emma's not shy, she'll walk in and..."
Fenris snorted. "Are all women from Earth like you two?"
Elyria laughed a little, "No, not all I just attract a specific kind of person back there. You should meet my sister. But that's not what…" She breathed out a harsh breath. "There's also…I feel really awful about hitting Alistair." Elyria looked down at the bed between them. He doubted she was actually looking at the bed, instead reliving the moment. "I'm just so mad at him Fenris. The second I realized he wasn't…when you," she paused, her voice hitching on a sob, "the other you said he'd been executed...I..."
My chest contracted, squeezing the air out of my lungs again. A shuddering breath in and out while the tears, unshed, welled up. How, how can I not have realized my best friend and I were in love for nearly three years? I don't understand. How could I not have known? Emma is my other best friend, Varric is up there and I don't feel the same about them that I do about Alistair.
He's too noble for his own good.
I'm too dense for mine.
Fenris dragged one hand through his white hair, and with a near growl at the back of his throat, "I will not stand aside."
Shocked he'd even suggest such a thing, I sat up, and touched his back gently. "Fenris, I would never-"
"No, you wouldn't." He said sadly, an overtone of both annoyance and anger in his voice. "You wouldn't, he wouldn't, and you would both suffer silently for my benefit." Fenris shook his head slowly. "In this, I have two options. One I cannot do and the other," dark green eyes met mine in the dying light, "I can live with."
Confused, I began to say, "I don't un-"
His mouth crashed into mine, stealing my breath with the ferocity behind it. Fenris pushed me down, moving atop me and parting my thighs with his. Between us he was hard, but he didn't make a move to take me again. Instead kissing me until I was squirming underneath him. He kept my legs open, kept me from squeezing them together to alleviate some of the need to feel him inside me again. "Fenris…" I finally managed, panting. "Please."
Silently, he ignored my plea and busied himself with my breasts. His mouth licked, sucked, nipped while his hand alternated between gentle pinches and tugging my other nipple into an aching peak. I settled for clawing at his back with one hand while the other tangled in his hair, keeping him at my breast. Damn it. He was so close. I could feel him, hard thick and ready to take me, if only I could just- I lifted my hips to try to move him inside me.
Fenris' hand moved from my breast to my hip and held it down with a grip that came just short of bruising. "Try that again and I will stop."
Pouting, "But-"
Silver-white strands falling into his eyes, he moved the hand from my hip to cup my sex, making me moan. "It has been seven years since I've done this last. Let me enjoy myself." One long finger trailed down the seam of my sex and it took every ounce of willpower I had to not move my hips into his hand.
I settled for biting my lip, digging my fingernails into the bed, and nodding at him. "Okay, okay but I want-"
He slid that teasing finger into me and I nearly screamed it felt so good. "What?"
"I...fuck…" God that felt good, "Fenris."
"I suppose," he murmured, "since you enjoy it." He slid another finger into me, curling them upward, stroking in small circle and his thumb-
"I, oh god," I grabbed at his arm while he moved his fingers inside me, stroking, sliding in and out with a maddening steadiness. Like he was trying to drive me out of my mind. "Fenris, please!"
He chuckled, a darkly sensual sound, "If you insist." Fingers withdrawn, he pushed into me with the same steady slowness. I closed my eyes, enjoying the feeling of fullness. Half way he paused, calling gently, "Elyria, look at me."
Opening my eyes, the sight of him over me, braced on both hands, inside me, pushing in deeper until he was fully seated. This time it was slower, a little harder, I moaned, clinging to him like he'd fade away any second. "I love you," the words fell out of my mouth, "I love you, oh god, I love you."
He didn't last long, head bowed, silver strands of hair in his eyes, "I need you," he said groaning as he finished inside me one more time. His fingers touched me gently, slow alternating circles. "Come for me Elyria, once more."
I was still so sensitive from our last round, it was just a moment before orgasm hit me again and I was clawing at his shoulders and back, calling his name.
This time, he collapsed on my chest, head pillowed against my breast. I stroked the fine hair at the base of his neck carefully. The tattoos were more abundant there, multiple swirls of them framing his spine. "You need me?"
He grunted. "You've no idea." The thumb of his right hand began to stroke my hip in small circles. "I refuse to give you up again. If you return to the place you call Earth, I am going with you."
"I don't know if you could," I replied honestly. I wanted him to. Heaven knows. The maker and his bride know, but could he really do it? Logically, if the connection went one way it should be able to go the other. After all, we suspected it might be a magister on this side that punched a hole to my side.
Then again, earth was earth and this was…
A dull pain began at the base of my skull.
"Fenris, change the subject please. I'll get one of my headaches if we don't."
He sighed, moving up a bit to lie beside me once more. "As you wish." we lay in silence for a few moments, basking in the glow of multiple orgasms. Gently he began to move the hair from my eyes.
Lying in the arms of the love of my life, I expected a lot of things. Cuddling. Kissing. Sweet nothings. Silly promises. Maybe another round. Fenris entwined his fingers with mine, a stupidly happy expression on his normally grumpy face. He kissed me again, slower this time, lacking the desperation of need or desire from earlier.
Eagerly I kissed him back, whispering, "I love you."
"And I you," he murmured against my mouth, pressing another kiss. "We waited much too long to do that."
"We can make up for lost time?"
"Oh?" I loved the wicked gleam in his eyes as he leaned in again.
"Elyria!" A familiar voice called distantly from somewhere outside.
I groaned into his shoulder. "Seriously? Who is-" And then I remembered, everyone here, except my friends that is, calls me Herald. They also know exactly where I live. That's weird. Why would-
"Elyria!" Another, much more familiar voice called in almost a panicked tone.
I sat bolt right up in bed. The hell? No. Way. No. No possible way. Nope. "Fuck where are my clothes?"
"Everywhere." Fenris said, something like confusion coloring his tone. "Come back to bed, whoever they are, they can wait."
I grabbed my pants off the floor and, despite the mix of me and him running down my legs, I started pulling them on. "That was my sister's voice."
He too sat up. "What?"
"My sister. Viola. And Brandon I think." I snagged a shirt off the floor, yanking it over my head and stabbed my feet into my boots. "They shouldn't be here. How did they even-"
"Elyria!" Viola's voice was almost a scream.
Still a mess, definitely not wearing enough clothing to battle the cold outside, I yanked open the door and ran outside. Into a mild snow storm. White powder falling heavily from the sky combined with a wicked wind whipping at my clothes. When the fuck did-
"Elyria!" Now Brandon sounded panicked. And further away. "Hey, buddy, don't touch me, I'm good. Fuck. Emma!"
A handful of people who had taken shelter were now outside, looking around. "Get back inside," I ordered the ones I saw. "I've got this."
"Herald do you need assistance?" Someone called.
"No. Thank you. Back inside. Get warm."
"But Herald..."
"Are you arguing with me?"
Pulling rank seemed to work. "No ma'am. Sorry ma'am."
I ran past tents and people looking out cabin windows toward the stairs leading to the chantry. Two figures standing in the snow, talking loudly at one another. As only New Yorkers could.
"This is insane. This is completely fucking insane. Where they hell are we!" Brandon's back curved as he tried to huddle in on himself. He wore only a black heavy cable knit sweater, loafers and a pair of soft gray pants.
My sister rubbed her own arms, also wearing not enough to combat the cold of Ferelden. A long dark brown skirt, probably boots or if she was going fully on hippy - sandals. A deep blue sweater with small white flowers embroidered on it. At least she wore gloves. "No, we don't need or want your help sir. I'm sure we'll be fine, thank you." My sister said to someone who was clearly trying to help.
I charged up the stairs, finding another soldier attempting to talk to them and my sister and Brandon completely ignoring him to bicker and walk away. The soldier saw me first since both my sister and Brandon were turned away from the stairs and were already walking toward the chantry. "Herald," the man said in relief, "I was just attempting to calm your friends."
"I've got it soldier, thank you." I said, attempting to keep my teeth from chattering. "Go back inside, it's colder than Flemeth's tits out here."
The soldier flushed pink, "of course Herald." I patted his shoulder as he walked past me toward the bar.
I wouldn't be surprised if everyone who had a tent was trying to shelter in the bar or chantry right now. The cold wasn't too bitter for Ferelden, but it's worse than New York's was. Viola's teeth were practically chattering loud enough for me to hear and Brandon shivered violently. I had to run a handful of steps to reach them, but when I did:
"What the ever-living hell are you doing here?"
They both started violently. Brandon lashing out - oh look, I taught him that one. Swing your elbow out at the area below the rib cage and woosh, there goes your air. Solar Plexus disabled. Too bad I'm too short for that to work properly from a six-foot two man. - which I easily caught and stopped with some applied force. It didn't even sting.
"You've been working out Brando."
He looked at me, dark brown eyes wide and surprised then at the arm I was holding, then back at me, shouting, "Elyria, what the fuck!"
I dropped his arm. "What? You know I'm strong."
"Yeah, but I was actually trying to hurt..." he looked me up and down, "why do you look like you got shagged six ways to Sunday?"
Shrugging, "Because I was? My boyfriend does not appreciate the disruption of cuddle time by the way."
"Oh." Appropriately Brandon looked abashed with a faint rosy tinge.
"Elyria," Viola cut in angrily, "where the hell have you been? We have been looking for you everywhere."
I tricked my head back in the direction I'd come. "In my cabin, we just got back from the Hinterlands. I needed a bath and a nap."
"And a shag." Brandon snarked.
"Yeah, that too. Never mind me, what the hell are you doing here? Either of you. How did you get here?" Another blast of wind hit me, "and can we move this conversation somewhere warm please, either the bar," I pointed past Shale to the... "God damn it Shale, how have you still not learned to go inside when it snows!"
My sister, upon seeing the giant rock I'm sure she thought was a statue turn its head, screamed bloody murder. Brandon's mouth opened in shock followed by the sound of a strangled choking.
"It will desist with its screaming or I will crush it!" Shale attempted to order Viola.
I pointed at her in warning. "You crush my big sister; I will employ a mage to find me a way to rip your soul out of that body."
Shale harrumphed. "The vengeful-
"Shale," I said in warning. "What happened the last time there was a storm? You're warm to the touch. With the crystals, if the snow melts on you and then ices over, I am not having a mage defrost you. You will have to stand there and let birds shit on you until the sun melts the ice. Which, in this cold weather, will take how long?"
"The vengeful warrior makes a point. The vermin of the sky need not another target." She turned, and with a shake removed most of the snow. "I will retire to the chantry until the storm finishes." She replied. Then, like the caddy bitch she could be, seriously I think the dwarf inside her was a noble hunter once, "Herald."
"That statue is sentient." Brandon managed as Shale stomped away.
"Shale," I corrected him. "Yes she is."
"She called you Herald." Viola managed once the shock wore off.
"Again, discussions in the bar." I wrapped my own arms around myself, not enjoying the fall of snow on my exposed skin. "I'm cold."
Fenris was just climbing the stairs as I was bringing them back down the walk way. "Elyria," he held my coat in his hands, "you ran out without..." he looked at my sister, then at me. I suppose the family resemblance was enough. "I take it this is your family?"
I glanced at the two of them. "Sort of?"
"Holy shit you're-" Brandon breathed out in what sounded like wonder.
"Brando, ixnay
Brandon's mouth clamped shut.
One of Fenris' eyebrows rose in response. "I take it, they know things as you do?"
"I'll explain later Fenris, but can we please get warm? Also, thank you." I took the coat from him, pulling it on. Pecking his cheek. "Best boyfriend ever."
A flush of red touched his ears and cheeks. "I suppose."
"Boyfriend," Viola whispered. "Wait, I don't-"
"Bar, warm up by the fire, then questions. In that order." I took Fenris' arm and took the lead over to the bar. Fenris, gentleman that he is, opened the door for us.
"Um...thank you Fenris?" Brandon said, looking at him like someone looks at a celebrity they've just bumped into on the street. He mouthed to me as he entered the bar behind Viola, 'that's Fenris!'
"You are welcome." Fenris replied, following us in.
The heat inside the bar felt almost humid with the mass of bodies inside. At least a few dozen were playing one card game or another. Several soldiers of all races were drinking beer, talking. The moment we walked in, nearly everyone stood at attention. The highest-ranking officer saluted, "Ma'am, sir."
I turned my head to look at Fenris who had come to stand next to me. "Sir?"
Mildly chagrined, "I may...be Cullen's right hand."
So that means, "you're almost my rank?"
"I can never be your rank; you are the herald of Andraste." Fenris clarified, rubbing the back of his neck in what I can only assume was a response to an uncomfortable conversation.
"And you were going to tell me this when?"
"Before this moment? I was assuming Cullen told you."
"Uh huh." I gave him a look I hope conveyed we'd need to speak about omitting things, then turned to the soldiers. "At ease. Go about your business, don't mind us."
"What the shit?" Brandon breathed as the men, women, dwarves and elves went back to passing time and staying warm.
"I will get us drinks. Mulled wine?" Fenris said, diplomatically extracting himself from the two people staring at me.
"Sounds fantastic. Thank you."
"Herald," a soldier said, "take our seats. Your friends look frozen to the bone."
"Thank you," I peered at him in the orange-yellow light of the lamps and fire, "Sturges, right?"
"Yes ma'am."
"Let the quartermaster know, extra rations on me. Got it?"
He grinned a large grin at me. "Thank you, ma'am."
Brandon didn't wait, he hurried into the seat by the fire and practically stuck his hands over the flame. Viola didn't move, staring at me with shock and uncertainty written across her face.
"Vi," I took her arm, moving her toward the bench. "Ferelden is colder than New York at this time of year. Don't need you two getting frostbite."
"This is real," Viola whispered, looking at me with wide, surprised and tear-filled eyes. "I thought it was a nasty joke you two were playing on us. Disappearing off the face of the earth, but...you really didn't disappear, did you? You came here?"
"We did." I helped my stunned sister sit, pulling off her gloves, which were more style than to actually battle cold. The nail beds of both hands were nearly blue. "You're in Haven, a town in the mountains between Ferelden and Orlais." I held her hands in mine to warm them. "This is Thedas. This is where I came the first time I went missing. I lived in Ferelden for a while, then in Kirkwall for another couple of years. Emma is here, but I'm not sure where."
"This can't be real. This is a," her voice dropped to a harsh whisper, "a video game."
Fenris returned with four tankards of mulled wine, gripping two handles in each hand. I took two tankards off him, "Thank you love."
"Always." He replied with a small smile.
"Drink it slow," I warned them both, "mulled wine is stronger than regular wine. Too fast and you'll be dancing in nothing but a parka on the pond before you know what hit you."
"Sure as shit feels fucking real." Brandon muttered while taking a sip. He groaned, wrapping his hands around it like it would keep him warm. "Sweet Jesus, that's good."
Viola's nails dug into the wood of her tankard. "I can feel the wood, it's real wood."
"Yes, it is."
"And the heat from the fire."
"Yes."
Fenris settled next to me, silently, his shoulder touching mine just slightly. My elf. Always aware of my need of him. God, I love him. Under the table he pressed one thigh against mine, lining our legs up as best he could so we'd touch from the hip down. Silently telling me he was there, even if he was quiet. My quiet, handsome elf. I leaned over, kissing his cheek once more.
"Thank you."
"Mmm," he replied softly.
Viola looked down at her mug, questioning something in her mind. I don't know what. I could have told her how to get back, how to leave, but I wasn't sure it wouldn't drag me out too. I don't want to leave yet. I want to stay, be with Fenris, figure us out again.
Brandon sipped his mulled wine a little too quickly for my tastes. "Okay, like, for real El. this is real."
"Yep."
"I thought Em was losing it when she said she saw you fading away."
"You're not the only one." Viola murmured.
"Then you two didn't come back for Thanksgiving."
Oops. I guess it is technically past December now, right? I'm too tired to really do the math, but I feel like it might be a couple of weeks from the winter holidays.
"And I was going to call the cops, but Vi said," he glanced at Viola, "you're both adults, you can't go missing if we don't go up to the cabin and actually check to see what you're doing."
"Then we find Emma's letter." Viola reached into her skirt and pulled out some folded yellow legal note paper. Unfolding it, smoothing the creases out, she set it on the table. Wall to wall text in Emma's fluid print. "And I thought, how could it possibly happen. Believing you're..." She paused to look around at all of the people in the bar. Sweat formed on her brow with the heat of bodies and the fire place, the warmth of the wine in her hands. "But Brandon said-"
"I said fuck it let's try it." He looked around too. People watching the way only an artist could. "If it works, we're doing something that's supposed to be impossible. I had to make her watch some YouTube videos. She didn't know it well enough." He did though. He played through more than one game with Zev as his boy toy.
"And then he fell through the floor. I believed he'd gone somewhere, where you went maybe and something hit me so hard-"
Brandon groaned in sympathy, "Like the A train hitting you full fucking force."
"Then we were here. Out in the snow. It wasn't snowing at the cabin."
Upstate New York and not snowing? Global warming anyone? "Welcome to Feredlen, where the winters are so cold, frostbite is a thing."
"Yeah, well, I don't want to be here long enough to find out." Viola's nose wrinkled as she set the tankard aside. "Can you get your stuff and we can get gong please?"
"No." I glanced to Fenris who in turn frowned deeply, his brow creasing.
"What? Elyria." Viola's tone came back sharply
"No." Shaking my head I told her, "We're in the middle of a war."
"Even better reason to go home!"
Under the table I grabbed Fenris' hand. "I am home." He squeezed mine in return, pressing his thigh harder against mine.
"Home is back in New York." Viola protested, "Elyria, come on."
"For you, New York is home. For me," I motioned to the men, women, elves and dwarves living their lives. I leaned into Fenris and smiled at him happily. One which he returned, if a bit cautiously. He wrapped an arm around me. "This is home," I said softly to him.
"What is that on your hand?"
Oh. Right, I'd gone without my gloves. Viola took my left hand in hers, turning it over to look at the mark across my palm. The green glow was soft in the orange light of the fire and lanterns around the bar. She moved my hand watching it move with her.
"Jesus."
"No." Fen'harel. "Christ had nothing to do with this. This is some lunatic using blood magic to open a hole between worlds."
Fenris muttered angrily under his breath, drinking a mouthful of wine.
"Hey," I murmured, leaning my head on his shoulder, "without them, there wouldn't be us."
Still he glowered and said, "I am grateful for you, I am not grateful for the fool that pulled you through. You had a life there."
"Dude," Brandon breathed in awe, "you are glowing."
Fenris glowered at Brandon. "Yes." He grumbled bitterly, "I glow."
"So, your boyfriend is literally a hottie, an elf, who glows with a killer voice and accent?" Brandon downed the last of his wine. "Fuck it, I'm not going back to Grindr. Where do I sign up?"
"I can introduce you to a few guys."
"Cool."
"Brandon, we have to-"
"Nope."
"Brandon."
"Nope. I'm staying. If Em is staying, and El is staying, I'm staying. Kerry would stay if she was here." HE crossed his arms over his chest, reminding me of a petulant child, and said, "You can go. Bye Vi."
"I'm not leaving the three of you here!"
"Cool, you're staying too. Em is going to be so excited."
"Woah, wait, I never said I was staying."
"You said you weren't leaving. We're all staying. You have a choice: big sis, stay or go."
"I...have a job to get back to."
"Or you could work with Josie and be the first real lawyer Thedas ever had."
Viola's mouth opened, then closed. She seemed to think about it for a moment. "I can leave if I give it the weekend, right?"
"There's no such thing as a weekend here. Five days in a week."
"Okay, so I give it two days, I can do that?"
"Yep. You can leave whenever. Just as long as you reverse the way you were thinking when you got here."
"That's it?"
"Yep."
"Really?"
"Yep."
Fenris, next to me, made a sound. A pained sound. I looked at him in worry. He held the back of his neck, near the base of his skull, groaning in pain. Louder, and for an instant, he shimmered. I grabbed his face, his solid beautiful face, olive skin and warm to the touch. "Hey, hey, look at me, open your eyes." Let's Peeta this, easy questions to bring him back. "You love me, true or false?"
He did, dark green eyes open, grimacing, "True."
"And we're happy together?"
He breathed out, "I have never been happier than I am with you."
Carefully, gently, I touched his neck, moving snow white hair from his eyes, "Better?"
"I..." He rubbed his neck once more, "I was thinking," he flinched.
"Don't. Don't think like that." But if he could, and he got the headaches too, that meant...that meant the portal didn't just work for Earthings to Thedas.
It might work for Thedians to Earth.
T&C, where the hell have you been! I...have a lot of explaining to do.
I am working on getting over my depression, the same depression I was dealing with for nearly eight years in New York. I've moved. We packed up an RV with my stuff, my pets and kissed New York goodbye for the sunny (smogy) shores of California. And I have never been happier.
Anxiety is lower, depression is fading away, and I'm situated with a decent part time job in a safe place with people I trust.
I also have a youtube channel! With story times. You can watch me, TruthChaosSandra and my SHITTY audio on there. :)
I apologize for how long this took to get out. Please know I am working on other chapters.
Also this was 20 pages long. Officially the longest chapter with over 9k words. I hope that makes up for the wait.
More Cole, Dorian, Alistair and others in the next chapter.