My dog died. He got sick back in June of 2021 and I tried my damndest to keep him alive. The vet said he had maybe three to six months. My boy made it to almost seven months. He crossed the rainbow bridge at the end of January. He was just over thirteen years old. He is the handsomest, sweetest, love of my life. I will miss him forever.

Also, rated M for mature because these three people deserve to have some happiness.

Chapter 18:

Sitting together eating dinner quietly, it feels so mundane. Like we've done this a thousand times. I mean, we have done it. A lot. Before I went back, Fenris ate at our flat nearly every night if he wasn't out with Hawke or we weren't all trying to win a single card game against Varric at The Hanged Man. It's just...we've never done this as three people who have decided to be in a relationship.

Here we are. Fenris on my left tearing his bread apart to dunk in his dumpling stew and Alistair on my right tongue poking out to lick the back curve of the spoon-

It's obscene how badly I wish I was that spoon right now.

God damn. Jesus. I just had sex less than three hours ago. Twice. I had sex twice. My libido doesn't seem to understand that we did in fact get laid. All I can think about is how long until I can get a real bath again so I can get Alistair's head and that tongue between my thighs.

I wonder if he's ever gone down on a girl before.

Green gold-brownish eyes catch mine, eyebrows rising in question. In response I licked the back of my spoon with enthusiasm. He quickly flushed a rosy pink then a deeper red and averted his gaze. I wondered how he was going to react if I went down on him.

Has anyone ever given him head?

Fenris, when I'm between his legs making him moan, is vocal as hell. It's so freakin' hot. He touches the back of my head, threads his fingers through my hair, curses in arcanum, and twice has begged me not to stop. Hell, he kisses me afterward.

I wonder if Alistair is vocal.

Oh my god. I'm turning into a sex fiend!

We just finished pushing the beds together and putting the now filthy tub outside to dump it before one of the servers from the bar arrived with food. Being the Herald of Andraste has its perks. Like no one forgets to feed me. And, apparently, gossip spread that there were two other people in my cabin. I'm sure everyone assumed those two people were my sister and Brandon but no one seemed the slightest bit put off that there were two hot guys in my cabin.

Or that my lips were bruised as hell from kissing them both.

I'm not worried about Brandon and Vi. They have Emma, they have Leliana and they are adults. They'll figure shit out or they'll fall back out of Thedas. I'd miss them if they decided to go, but I can't stop them.

There are bigger things going on here.

Like the fact that other people besides me can get through the crack between worlds. I've been developing a theory. One I'd like to run by the Dread Wolf sooner or later.

Long fingers brushed hair from my left side. "What's on your mind?" Fenris asked softly.

"Logistics." I answered honestly with a half smile to him and then to Alistair who managed to meet my gaze again. "My sister and Brandon were able to cross over without me being there. Emma crossed after I crossed. Does that mean the rift between our worlds is getting bigger, or does that mean it is attached to wherever I've broken through? If it is getting bigger then we're going to have a bigger problem than the Inquisition fighting the forces of evil. We're going to have mundanes from my world dropping through like rain drops.

"If it is attached to me, why is it attached to me? I'm nobody. I'm no one. I'm some girl who was procrastinating graduating from college because I didn't know what the hell to do with my life. One day bam, I'm standing in the middle of the Korcari Wilds because some jackass pulled me through."

When I came back up for air they were sharing a look.

"You had to ask." Alistair said with a warm (spine tingling) chuckle.

"Would either of us love her any less if she didn't ponder the deeper questions of the universe?" Fenris replied with equal amusement.

Glowering at both of my boyfriends laughing at my unquiet mind, "hey, you two knew what you were getting into when you fell for me." I paused to drop my spoon in my empty bowl. I must have been hungry. I ate all of that while mulling everything over. "What did you think I was thinking about?"

Fenris, never one to beat around the haystack, "whether you'd like to go to bed."

I'm glad I wasn't holding my spoon any more. It would have dropped along with my jaw and my stomach. Instantly I'm a monosyllabic neanderthal replying with a none too elegant, "uh…" Listen, the next time two hot guys offer to make you the meat in their sexy sandwich you can tell me how you react okay? Holy shit. The full on body flush quickly followed my inability to fathom words. Oh god. What do I do? "I...uh...um," here Ellie, open your mouth, insert your foot, ruin the potential to ever get laid again.

Alistair, thankfully, wasn't any better than I was at the moment. He too went bright red and lost his ability to speak for a good minute. "I don't, we don't have to- Oh maker." He looked at me for help, but as I was having my own freak out, he looked to Fenris, who of course was no help at all considering he possibly wanted to have sex with both of us and-

Fuck me sideways with a chainsaw.

I had the image of them kissing in my head. Fenris isn't as tall as Alistair so of course Al would have to bend, and...this is my brain taking a vacation to the land of champagne wishes and ridiculously hot boyfriends kissing each other. I have two boyfriends. Who might be willing to attempt to have sex with one another. Or, at the very least, make out.

If this were an anime, my nose would be bleeding profusely.

Alistair (thankfully) stuttered on with, "I want to, Maker knows I do but...I'm not...I...Ellie, I want you but-"

"Not yet," I finished for him.

"Is that stupid?" He looked so uncertain. Like if I said yes, I thought it was stupid, he'd fold like a bad I would never do that to him.

Grabbing the hand closest to me I thread our fingers together. "Not stupid at all Al. It's been years. We can wait a little longer to figure out when it's right."

His nervousness softened, tension draining away. "I love you."

I leaned in, pressing my lips to his softly. "I love you too.

Sleeping with both Fenris and Alistair is going to be different than sleeping with them individually. And no, I don't mean in a sexy way. I mean, Fenris (at least when we used to sleep in the same bed) preferred to sleep facing me. He told me once it was so he knew when he woke we were both safe. Seeing me made him feel safe. If that wasn't a hell of a thing for your (on the run) boyfriend to say.

Sleeping with Alistair on the other hand was always comforting for both of us. Someone to hold on to, to come back to reality with. Someone to chase the nightmares away. Alistair was my big teddy bear, and I guess in a way I was his too.

Goddamn I should have seen it sooner.

I am dense. Or stupid. I mean, I have to be.

In the bedroom Alistair sat on the edge of the bed holding the bottle of sleeping draught in one hand. His brow was drawn together in contemplation while he mulled something over. He rolled it twice, from his left hand to his right, and then he turned his head to look at me with...oh…Alistair has never looked at me like that.

Like he wants me.

Biblically.

Flushing pink from my head to my toes, I put the plates I'd been gathering down on the table and moved to join Alistair on his side of the bed. We'd centralized the two beds after pushing them together so that Alistair had the right side and Fenris the left. I would sleep in the middle.

It's all about the sharing and equal importance of our relationships. Our relationship? I'm not calling it that other word. You know, the one that starts with a t and ends with le. It sounds like a disease.

He was still holding the draught. "It lets me sleep, but it has side effects."

Settling on the bed next to him, "like?"

Wryly, he grimaced at me. "Strange dreams sometimes, and headaches in the mornings." He reached across and set the bottle down on the nightstand. "And, if I keep taking it," he looked at me with darkened eyes, green-gold gaze falling to my lips before leaning in and sealing his mouth over mine. He kissed me harder, more demanding than before, his tongue found its way past my lips to flick mine. Alistair's never been aggressive before in the way he kissed me, not like this. This was a demand, his hand at the base of my neck tilting my head up, the way he wrapped the other arm around my waist to pull me in.

I was moaning against his lips when he drew me into his lap. My arms wrapped around his broad shoulders while straddling a prominent part of his very hard anatomy. He held me there, letting me feel how much he did want me while we kissed like teenagers.

"Why templar, is that a scroll in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" I murmured between kisses.

He chuckled a low, rough sound from his throat. His fingers flexed where they'd relocated on my hips, "definitely not a scroll."

"Mmm," I planted a kiss against his bruised chin. "Does that mean you want to have some adult fun?"

Alistair kissed me again, arms wrapping around my back, holding me against his chest. The steadying rhythm of his heartbeat right next to mine. "If I keep taking it," he nuzzled my chin, placing small kisses along the line of my throat to my pulse, "I might not be able to," he sighed against my ear, "have that kind of fun after a while."

Well shit. Shit.

He still held me close, but the kissing had stopped in exchange for holding me close and resting his head against my shoulder. "Say something, Ellie. If you want me to stop taking it, I-"

I cut him off with a hard shove to the chest. "Don't do that. Don't offer to self harm because you think I want sex more than I want your mental well-being to remain intact. Sex is nothing compared to being with you. I don't need sex. I need you well and whole."

With a wry, self-deprecating twist of the lips, he leaned in again and kissed me. "Maker, what did I do to deserve you?"

I kissed him back before reaching over and grabbing the bottle. "Take it, we can ask about something else in the morning if you really want to."

He sighed, allowing me to slide off his lap to sit next to him on the bed. Alistair glanced at me once more before opening the draught, taking a mouthful and scowling at the taste. "Maker," he gagged after swallowing, "the strawberry flavor is even worse." Wiping at his mouth with the back of his arm, he glared at the bottle and set it none too gently back on the table.

Patting his hand in sympathy, "hey, he tried."

"I need to rinse my mouth." He grumbled, standing to get to the water basin on the vanity.

Fenris returned to the cabin after dropping our used bowls and utensils at the bar, cursing in Arcanum, "the temperature has dropped further." He pulled off his coat, draping it across the back of one chair. There were small shiny droplets of either water, snow or ice clinging to the black material. "It has never been this cold in Kirkwall."

Alistair and I shared a quick glance from across the room. He laughed a little, with a smirk gracing his features, while I giggled quietly. It wasn't our first time in this cold, it probably wouldn't be our last. When they came here several years ago, it was midsummer. The cold probably wasn't as bad as now when we're going into deep winter.

Fenris glowered at the two of us silently from the doorway.

Holding one hand out to each of them. "Come on. Let's cuddle and sleep."

Aside from figuring out whose hands were going where and trying to find comfortable sleeping positions for everyone, getting to bed was relatively easy. Alistair fell asleep first thanks to the draught. His breathing evened out a few minutes after we'd all settled down. His breath stirred the fine hair at the back of my neck while I faced Fenris.

Slightly long-ish strands of white hair fell into his eyes as he watched me. Us. It's strange to think we're an us now. All three of us. Reaching forward, I brushed the hair from his gaze. Those beautiful dark green eyes of his watched me in the darkness.

"Are you really okay with this?" I whispered softly, trying not to wake Alistair from a peaceful sleep.

Fenris placed a hand on my waist, long fingers inches from where Alistair's arm had hooked itself just above my hips. "I had two choices." He told me once more. "Would you rather we fight for you?"

Of course not. I'd begged him not to hurt Alistair a handful of hours ago. "No."

"I would prefer no to as well. He is my friend as well." His hand moved to my chin, drawing me closer for a slow kiss that made my toes curl. When I moaned, he chuckled a delightfully deep sound, "Sleep. We can continue in the morning."

Pouting made no difference. I hated his self control.

Hawke asked him once, when did you know Elyria was the one.

Fenris, having never truly thought about it prior to that moment, opened his mouth to say he didn't know. This, he found, as his lips were still parting to deny it, was entirely untrue. If he were honest with his friend, and with the part of himself that denied his attraction to Elyria, he knew from the moment he heard the words:

People aren't property.

Fenris had seen a fair haired girl in armor that didn't look like it fit properly standing next to the loud mouthed dwarf. He'd seen pale green eyes, tired after a night of fighting mercenaries. There was blood on her weapons. He wouldn't say she was beautiful, he'd no interest in women at the time.

But, he'd seen her.

Hawke mentioned her in passing one evening. Elyria would probably have joined them for drinks if she didn't work so early at the bakery. Bethany had sighed complaining about the size of her thighs and what those butter cookies Elryia made were doing to her waist line. Varric then made a comment about Elyria earning her peace and quiet, and Sunshine, you don't have to eat every cookie Elyria brings over. Bethany pouted, Hawke laughed, Varric chuckled at his own humor and Fenris wondered.

He wondered about the small basket of square chocolate cakes that he'd somehow devoured in their entirety while drinking one of his former master's dessert wines. Elyria. He'd mulled the sound of her name over in his head. Was she the blonde girl with the green eyes? He asked.

The sly glance he'd received from Varric spoke volumes. Pretty girl, isn't she Broody?

Fenris had scowled at him. It was more the nickname he'd been given and less the acknowledgement that Elryia was pretty. Yes. She was very pretty. And her accent was nothing he'd known before. Still scowling he repeated his new nickname with venom.

Which changed the subject until the next time he saw her.

He followed her down the mountain after her confrontation with the witch. He hadn't wanted anything further to do with the blood summoning or magic. He came upon her sobbing in the snow, wiping at her face, hiccuping from the force of her sadness.

She was an absolute mess.

Who he still found attractive.

Which was new.

She woke a quiet part of him that he'd imagined long dead and gone.

He fought it. His attraction to her was pointless. Who would want someone with this many scars? Who could possibly want someone who was constantly on the run? Who could possibly?

As it turned out, Elyria could.

Later, as he found out, Alistair was willing to fight at his side. He fought for Fenris' freedom, and stood at Fenris' back without question. Through everything.

He watched them both sleep in the darkness, his eyes better in the low light than either of thiers. Alistair breathed slowly, brow creased. A faint stubble of reddish brown hair faintly speckled with gray. Between them Elyria with faded blue, green and purple in her hair.

Alistair, who helped Fenris learn to smile again when life felt dark.

Elyria, who taught him to love again.

He had two choices.

Fenris draped one arm over Elyria's waist, a foot or so lower than where Alistair's arm had made its way around her.

He made the choice to keep them both.

In that place between dreaming and waking, Alistair was aware his hand was moving. Squeezing something. Something soft, pliant. Something that pushed itself against his hand and moaned.

With Ellie's voice.

Heart pounding in alarm (because until now he'd never touched Elyria like that and hadn't planned to without her consent), Alistair's eyes opened as he quickly removed his hand from her breast. He shifted his hips from where his body had unconsciously pushed against her in night and-

She was giggling.

"Well good morning to you too." Ellie said sleepily, shifting around under the blankets to face him.

Flushing red, his cheeks burning, "I didn't - did I, I mean, I didn't mean to."

She leaned in effectively silencing him with a quick kiss. "Did I say stop? Or no? Or don't?"

He couldn't remember hearing her say anything.

She kissed him again, smoothing his furrowed brow with cool fingers. "You think too much."

He did think too much. Sometimes. "I was dreaming."

She smiled sleepily at him, colorful hair falling into her eyes. "About?"

Alistair felt the blood rushing to hif face again. His eyes strayed of their own accord to her chest, which made her giggle and back up to her face. "Am I still dreaming, Ellie?"

"No, if we were dreaming, neither of us would have stinky morning breath and we'd be able to make out no problem." She pushed herself back from him, "let's go brush our teeth."

The mundanity hit him while they stood next to each other at the water basin. Brushing his teeth. With Ellie. Whose breast was in his hand not ten minutes ago. She wrinkled her nose at him, laughing when he scrubbed his teeth for the first time with minty toothpaste and what Ellie called a medium bristle brush. These are so much better than the brushes he's used before. His teeth are actually clean.

Barely a heartbeat passed between the last of the toothpaste (the things her world came up with!) being rinsed from his mouth and Ellie tugging him back toward the bed.

Alistair had always known Elyria was smaller than him. Much smaller. She had a slim, athletic build where he was taller and more muscular. She was shorter by a bit, not that before now it ever mattered, not really. Now, with her leaning in those few short inches between them...oh Maker.

Her small mouth, lips, touched his and his mind went absolutely blank beyond kissing her back. Her fingers trailed up his shoulders to his neck, one hand going into his hair the other cupping his chin, thumb stroking over the bruise.

Tentatively he placed his hands on her hips, unsure if he should pull her closer.

At some point Ellie nipped at his lower lip, then his upper. Heart thundering in his chest, Alistair opened his mouth. Elyria's tongue slid along his. He groaned into her mouth and she sighed happily back. He tugged her closer until her body was flush with his and his arms wrapped completely around her waist.

He slid backwards on the bed, and she followed, kneeling between his thighs. His hands found her hips again, daring to slide his thumbs under her shirt and feel her soft skin for himself. He was rewarded with a sharp inhale of breath from her. This time he slid his tongue into her mouth and tugged her down on top of him. Her hips met his and the hardness growing between his thighs dug into her belly.

She smiled against his lips and cupped him through his pants. "Well someone's excited."

He let out a strangled sound as she palmed him, "Ellie, I swear to the Maker if you tease me I'm going to-" He lost the threat along with no small amount of sanity to the slip of her hand going under the waist of his pants. A low moan of pleasure left his lips as her fingers stroked in a slow, gentle, steady rhythm.

Kneeling between his thighs, Ellie murmured, "Sorry, missed that, what were you saying?"

Unable to fathom words, he cracked open one eye to attempt a glare. It failed miserable as she pumped him, her thumb stroking the tip and smoothing the foreskin away. He watched as her quick dexterous fingers undid the laces of his pants to give her more movement and access. He shifted and she helped pull his pants down to free his hardness and her hand.

It was almost obscene watching her stroke him, the paleness of her skin against the warmth of his. The way she stroked him, a steady rhythm punctuated by the caress of her thumb over his foreskin and the weeping head. Alistair's head fell back against the sheets, the fingers of his hands gripping at the sheets to anchor himself in this moment.

He wasn't prepared for the next moment. A breath of warm, moist air brushed the head of his hardness. Somehow he managed to open his eyes again only to be rewarded with the most erotic sight he had ever seen in his thirty odd years.

Elyria's tongue lapped at the head of his cock. She kept eye contact with him as she did it again and again, sliding the foreskin back to give her better access. Her green gaze keeping steady eye contact with him as she wrapped one hand around the base of him.

His breathing came in quick, excited puffs. "Ellie," his voice sounded deep, rough, almost not his own.

"Relax," she whispered in response before bowing her head the smallest bit and taking the head of him into her mouth.

The sound he made - he'd never heard that sound from himself before that moment. The sensations, the flick of her tongue, the steady suction meeting the stroke of her hand and the shameless sound of - oh Maker.

He was willing to be struck down for this. If this was the last thing he ever experienced in life - worth it. The pleasure made his hips rise, only to be pushed back to the bed by Ellie. He moved his arm, which somehow ended up across his face, covering his eyes - his head rose the smallest bit to watch her.

Watch Ellie. One hand on the left side of his hip to keep his body on the bed, the other wrapped around his shaft, stroking up to meet her mouth and her mouth - Maker's breath her lips sliding down his length to her and…and…pale green eyes flicked upward to meet his. She looked so satisfied with what she was doing to him.

"Ellie." He groaned her name in that strange tone of his, unable to keep watching her do to him what no one had ever done for him. Alistair lost his mind a little to the warmth and sensation, his eyes closed, his hands gripping at the sheets. He was panting a little and he's covered in a light sheen of sweat and -

Her hands were both holding his hips down now as she took more of him into her mouth. Oh fu-

She slid him to the back of her throat, swallowing - her throat, so tight and - She hummed and he lost himself with a guttural, fervent, inarticulate shout.

Ellie held his hips down until he's finished. Until his mind and his throat manage to figure out how to work again. He had to move his arm again because somehow it ended up over his closed eyes again. There was Ellie, kneeling between his spread thighs, looking extremely pleased with herself.

He grabbed for her, pulling her down on his chest, "Ellie…"

She kissed his nose. "Let me brush my teeth."

He let her go, mildly confused as to why. If that's what she wanted he wouldn't object. He watched her while waiting for his body to come down from the high she gave him.

When she returned to the bed he drew her down, kissing her once more. He held her hips, the softness of her body, and for a moment a horrifying idea wiggled itself into his head. What if this was all in his head. What if the calling was further along than he'd guessed. What if this wasn't happening.

He slid fingers under her shirt, easing it upward. She sat up, taking the loose blue sweater off, tossing it away. Bare breasts, gorgeous and pale, covered in gooseflesh from the cold. Nipples drawn tight, her fingers on his neck as he bowed his head to take one in his mouth. Her fingers in his hair, his name falling in sigh from her lips.

It didn't matter if this wasn't real - please let it be - he was with Ellie in a way he could never have been years ago.

That was more than enough.

Pictures of the best doggo in the world are on my instagram. TruthChaosSandra