Chapter 12 - Test Dummy

Howard and James had been working together on the portal project in fits and spurts as much as they could. Most of it was long-distance and a lot of swapping progress when the Starks came out on weekends, but now, it was getting to the point where it was time to test it.

"You smell nervous," James noted as Howard finally stopped pacing.

"Yeah, Sadie's already told me," Howard said, running a hand through his hair. "I just want it to be right. I mean, I can't let my girls go through it otherwise."

"They're not going to be your space monkeys anyhow," James promised.

"Oh, I know," Howard said. "Don't mind me. It's always nerves right before the first test. If it makes you feel better, it's all excitement and nonstop rush after this part. Sorry in advance."

James was smirking though as he took the final notes on the levels pre-test. "Yeah, I know. You're just … so much like your dad sometimes …"

"I really can't help that," Howard pointed out.

"Believe me, I know," James laughed. "So, what are we sending through first? Did you ever decide?"

"Yeah, I thought we'd start small." Howard held up a toy that Maria had mangled. "And something we won't miss, much as I know you had your heart set on my mom's stapler."

"Well, not as much as I had it set on her cell phone," James said in a matter-of-fact tone.

"Oh, she would kill you," Howard said in a laugh. "With her bare hands."

"She can try," James replied with an amused smile before he turned toward Howard suddenly. "Has Scott been around to talk to your dad?"

"Um… yeah, I think Dad was laughing about your godfather being all … sticking his nose into your dating life?" Howard said. "I don't know. He seemed to think it was funny? I guess Scott figured out that Cleo's bad news and was mad about it."

James let out a sigh. "Cleo was a spy trying to sneak inventions out under the staff's nose," James said. "I was keeping her busy so they could nail her."

"Yeah, I heard. Mom was going on about how Dad shouldn't have hired her if he knew she was a problem, but hey, it worked out."

"He didn't know until after she showed up," James said. "One of the inventors that she screwed over sent a detailed list to HR explaining what happened — and not trying to get her fired. Just as a heads up."

"Yeah, well, the way Dad told it, he had a brilliant idea to nail a thief and ran with it. You can imagine why Mom was annoyed."

"Not really," James said. "It worked."

Howard shook his head at that. "Guess you just have to understand how a Potts mind works."

The two boys worked in relative quiet for a while, triple-checking the portals to make sure they were safe to test, before, finally, there really was nothing left but to try them out.

As Howard prepared to toss the toy through, James wordlessly handed Howard Pepper's phone, and Howard just stared at him. "No," he said, pocketing the phone.

"Why do you think I was giving it to you?" James asked. "Temptation is too great."

"You're certifiable; you know that?" Howard said, shaking his head before he pulled back and tossed the toy in, then hurried over to the cameras they had set up in the lab in Westchester to see if it worked.

And, when he saw the toy on the floor, in the same mangled shape as before and not totally broken down, he let out a whoop. "Hey! We did it!"

"So surprised," James said, jotting down notes quickly. "You wanna turn it off and then reboot for the next step?"

Howard nodded. "Yeah. There's an office plant over by my stuff — intern totally forgot to water it, so it's dying anyway."

"No, we should use something healthy," James said. "Then we'll know if it dies it's our fault."

"Well, I was going for 'bigger' first, but I've got some oranges that we can make juice out of if we screw this up."

"What kind of bigger?" James asked with one eyebrow raised.

Howard waved his hand. "Bigger than a toy, more alive, but also something that we won't miss. Bigger. But yeah, I'm game for a game of toss the fruit and see if it dies."

"Alright," James said, almost in a sigh, before he reached over to shut it down to reboot. "I'll grab a few things. Try taking detailed notes for a change."

"For this? Yeah, I can do that," Howard said with a smirk.

James headed out of his lab and down the hall, though in addition to the oranges Howard wanted to use, he stuck his head into the lab where most of the inventors were sharing a lab. "Are you overly attached to the fern?" he asked one of the nearest lab rats.

"Not particularly."

He gave her a crooked sort of smile. "Mind if I borrow it?"

"Go right ahead," she said, gesturing with one hand.

"I'll bring it back," James said as he picked it up. "Probably."

"Like I don't know around here that anyone who borrows anything might blow it up," she laughed.

He rested one hand over his heart. "I … might do that. But probably not." He couldn't help but grin before he turned tail and headed back to the lab.

By the time he got there, Howard was ready to go and was tossing an orange up and down before he grinned James' way. "Get caught up with Joulie?"

"Didn't go that far," James said. "Lab across the hall had a fern that looked like it was feeling adventurous."

"Too bad. If it was me and I had my gorgeous girl in the same building, I'd come up with any excuse," Howard said with a smirk.

"We're not that serious," James said. "Not everyone is in a rush to get married, baby bro."

"Hey, even when me and Sadie were just dating, I liked the excuse to see her, come on," Howard laughed.

"She works with your mom," James said. "She doesn't need the distractions."

Howard shrugged at that before he stepped back to gesture at the portal. "Alright. She's all charged up."

James nodded, looked to the readings, and let out a breath. "All the same so far."

"Yeah, that's what I'm seeing," Howard said. "All that's left really is to sacrifice the plant to our dimensional god."

James chuckled but didn't wait for more of an invitation before gently tossing the little potted plant in. He pulled out his cell phone when the fern appeared in the Westchester lab — no worse for wear on the screen than a bit of spilled dirt. "Okay, then on to the next step," James said as he put the phone to his ear and asked Kaleb to come get him.

Kaleb appeared a moment later and couldn't help but grin when he saw the setup. "Okay, I see. You're trying to make yourselves more handsome and need a stand-in model for the final stages."

"Yeah, that's it," James said flatly. "I need to go to my other lab and run a few tests. Do you mind?"

"Wagner Taxi Service, at your, well, service," Kaleb said with a bow.

"Just in the hall outside," James said. "I don't want anyone in there if there are any radiation problems."

"Got it," Kaleb said, then grabbed hold of James' arm to teleport off with him and drop him off in the hall. "And if you need anything else, sir, just ring," he teased.

"I really appreciate it," James said. "If this works ... " He let out his breath and let the sentiment fall before he let himself in and closed the door behind himself. He went straight for the testing equipment and started running everything that they'd agreed on — radiation levels, looking for any kind of off-particles, any molecular instability, and a few extra things as they came to him — before he looked up to where he knew Howard was watching and picked up the same fern. He didn't have to call, since Howard did for him. "Ready?" he asked as he picked up.

"Yeah, I'm going to try and hit you in the face with an orange," Howard chuckled from the other side.

"I'll throw it right back at you too," James said. "Going this way, it's all clear."

"Alright, well, let's channel our inner fruit jugglers," Howard said, and a few moments later, James saw the orange come flying his way.

He caught it one-handed and didn't bother looking toward the camera before chucking it hard right back. "Test it, would you?" James asked before he tossed the plant back through.

James could tell Howard was thrilled by the little laugh he let out when the results came through. "And now, my friend, we have a working portal!"

James was smirking to himself at that. "So, next will be some live tests. Have you thought about where to start?"

"Yeah, I know we have a few literal lab rats around here — and no, not the interns, but yes, Dad already suggested it."

"Next closest thing to human," James muttered. "You want to start that tomorrow? Or are you riding high?"

"I think let's run a few tests. I mean, I'm only here for the weekend anyway, and if this is going well, let's knock it out, you know?" Howard said, obviously thrilled, even over the phone.

"Alright, reboot it," James said. "And I'll wait for the caged rat." He ended the call, then made some final notes on the levels and readings from his side, frowning at the device they'd built. He wasn't sure if Howard had gotten far enough to shut it off from his side or not, but he hit the switch to kill it anyhow. There were still a few tests to run, even with what he had available there, and it would be smart to give it time to make sure there wasn't a delayed reaction brewing.

But on the other hand … he knew Sadie was really looking forward to being able to come home without a hours-long delay.

The shop light kicked on, signaling that Howard had gotten back and was starting up the next string of tests, and James simply waited for the phone to vibrate before he answered it. "Little more gentle with this one, maybe," James suggested.

"Yeah, probably," Howard had to agree, and James saw, a moment later, the little cage sliding through easily enough, with a sticky note on top that said "please don't eat me".

James smirked, picked up the cage, and watched the little guy for a long moment before he carefully took him out of the cage and held the phone to his ear. "Go ahead and turn it off. This is going to take a little time."

"Fine by me. I'll probably head your way anyway to spend time with Sadie. Most of these tests are going to take time anyway," Howard said.

"Yep," James agreed. "If you're in a rush, call Kaleb." He was smiling when he said it, and he was reasonably sure that there was no way Howard would do that. But he had to pick.

"See you in a bit," Howard said, hanging up on the other end and leaving James with the rat and his sticky note — and some food to keep the little guy happy.

But when the tests had all come up the way the boys wanted them to, Howard was keen to try again the next day, heading over to SI, with James in Westchester to start so there wouldn't be a delay.

Once they booted it up and ran it through the basic safety checks and made sure that all the readings were the same as they'd been yesterday, this time, Howard sent a little lady friend for the rat from yesterday, also with a note that said "in case he got lonely."

"Why am I not surprised that this is what a Stark would consider proper rat selection?" James asked.

"Hey, it was a real concern. All alone in that school of yours," Howard shot back, clearly chuckling over the line.

"Alright, we're gonna have to step it up a little bit. You ready to take them back?"

"Sure. Send them both through and we'll make sure they don't get scrambled with each other," Howard said.

"Very funny," James said as he put the two of them into the same cage and looked at them for just a moment. "Here goes nothin'." But instead of just sliding the rats through, James simply stepped through himself — with the cage in hand.

It worked — that much was obvious by the fact that he had walked through to find Howard positively gaping at him. "You're insane!" Howard said, quickly hitting the 'off' switch and looking more stressed than James had ever seen him. "Do you have any idea how many things could have gone wrong? And bringing passengers? We haven't tested this on anything approaching humans!"

"We just did, Howard."

"You're not a guinea pig!" Howard said, his eyes still wide. "You can't do that! What if you got scrambled? What if you got lost in the transition? We haven't tested all the — you could have killed yourself!"

"You're missing a little of the positive here, Howard."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm glad you're not dead," Howard said quickly. "You're insane!"

James let out his breath, his chin tipped down as he watched Howard freak out. "Kinda have to be a little crazy to even want to see this stuff made." He paused and narrowed his eyes slightly. "And I always test on myself first."

"Do you always jump from lab rat to yourself?" Howard asked. "On the second day of testing?"

"I'm against animal testing," James said flatly. "It's cruel."

"James, no," Howard said, putting his hand to his head as he shook it. "Just… no."

"It's fine, Howard," James said, rolling up his sleeve as he reached for a syringe. "Just gotta run the tests." He didn't wait for any help, just pulling out a sample and moving right into testing mode.

Howard continued to look like all the air had been sucked out of the room as he watched James before he simply sat down on the nearest sit-able object. He sat there for a long time, clearly just trying to wrap his head around what had happened, before he finally, wordlessly, simply got up and left the lab.

And it really wasn't that long before Tony got there — though James was done with the tests by then.

"What the hell were you thinking?" Tony demanded without any other introduction as soon as he stepped into the lab.

James glanced up but kept right on working. "Trying to get some good data," James said in an even tone.

"By breaking a hundred different rules in the process, not to mention putting your life on the line — and do you have any idea what that could have looked like on the other side if something went wrong?" Tony demanded with real heat to his tone.

"How is it any different than what anyone else has done?" James asked. "Yourself included, by the way."

"I am not a life model for this!" Tony shot back. "And at least when I did it, I'd tested it thoroughly enough to be sure it was even at the human testing stage!"

James drew in a deep breath and pulled up a seat as he stopped and watched Tony. "Because if you'd been hurt, it would have sidelined your testing for months."

"And if this thing breaks, it could kill you," Tony said. "Scatter you across space! Do you get that?"

"Better we find out now with me than when my sister steps through," James said, crossing his arms.

"You can't just skip ahead to testing it on yourself! Do you really think Howard — or I for that matter — would let anyone use it until it was ready? You're out of your mind!"

"Look me in the eyes and tell me that if you could heal like I do that you wouldn't do the same thing," James said, still keeping his even, calm tone.

But that just had Tony even madder. "This is not. About. Me," he said through his teeth.

"Fine. Tell me who else to consult," James said. "Not like Banner or Richards would ever test on themselves either."

"Banner and Richards didn't have a history of stabbing themselves," Tony said, his voice rising even further. "Do you understand?"

But that was finally what got James to get mad. "You really think that if I wanted to be dead that I wouldn't have just done it by now?"

"I think you have such a callous disregard for your own life that you don't even think about the risks you take," Tony shot back. He tipped his chin up and gestured for the door. "Get the hell out. And don't come back until I get a call from your mother saying you get it through your thick head how stupid that was."

James just shrugged easily, though. "No problem. Have fun; the data's all there." He made his way out, not looking bothered in the least — which was probably the most like Logan that Tony had ever seen him as he breezed by both of them and simply left.

He took his time getting back to Westchester, especially since, if he'd been honest with himself for five minutes, he'd been overdoing it for a long time on all sides. So the idea that he had the better part of the day more or less open was almost relaxing. Even if he knew he was going to hear about it when he did get back to Westchester. From all sides, probably.

But what James wasn't expecting when he finally parked out front and headed into the house was for Hank and Tyler to absolutely tackle him into a set of restraints before they hauled him down to the lab. For more testing.

They were taking it entirely over the top, of course, and Hank was using well above the proper protocols in the level of isolation he was using — though James, to his credit, outside of the initial bit of swearing, didn't bother asking what they were doing as they just got started.

And by the time K made her way downstairs to see him, he'd been worked over pretty heavily. She didn't dive in, yelling or freaking out like Tony had. Instead, she stepped around the barriers and took a seat on the foot of his bed. "So you're finding new ways to try to kill Tony," K said, nodding. "I didn't think that would work, but apparently … you're on the right track."

"I'm not trying to kill Tony," James replied in as calm a tone as he could manage. "We ran all the numbers a dozen times over. Everything was on the right trajectory. And I don't care what he says now, or what he says about any of the others, but I can promise you: every single scientist that he arranged for me to learn from would have done the same damn thing."

"And every one of them ended up doing something stupid and irreversible to themselves by doing so too," K agreed. "So, what were you hoping for?"

"Just … I was trying to move things along. That's all."

K closed one eye and watched him for a moment. "Uh-huh. Well. Be that as it may, all that really means is that you've got to clear Dr. McCoy's thorough testing, since you insist on being a lab rat. I don't know enough about the process to know when it's safe for you to wander around again. And I think if this is the way you're going to handle the Starks, you should probably just … not go back."

"Fine with me," James replied, leaning back a bit where he was restrained.