A/N: I uploaded this chapter yesterday, for about ten minutes before I deleted it. It just wasn't quite how I wanted it.
Now
I could feel the safety of his presence even when I slept.
A connection between us. Gently tied together with an invisible rope.
The feeling was so real. So strong.
So even in my dreams, I knew it had been severed.
There was an absence. Like a pice of me had been carved out and misplaced.
It felt cold without him.
My eyes opened to see the tall, large figure by my window, bathed in the darkness. His shape nothing like the one I knew so well.
A sudden panic set in and I did what anyone would do.
I screamed.
In the same instant, the light was turned on.
Emmett stood in the middle of my room; palms open in front of him.
Surrendering.
"It's just me" he pleaded, repeating himself three times.
"What the hell Emmett!" I yelled, snatching up my pillow to hurl at him.
He caught it against his stomach, growling to himself.
"I knew this was going to happen." He groaned, rolling his eyes as he dropped down into the armchair.
"You knew you were going to scare me half to death?" I questioned with wide eyes, still struggling to catch my breath and slow my heart.
"I knew you'd wake up" his said through his sardonic laughter, tossing the pillow back onto the bed.
Confused, I looked around the room as I fully came to my senses. The fear finally subsiding.
"Where is he?" I asked breathlessly.
He didn't answer.
He looked down to his hands as they beat nervously against the armrest.
"Emmett?" I whispered nervously. Sensing that heaviness in the room. Knowing that something was wrong.
He stayed silent.
The way his eyes narrowed, and his lips flattened, told me what I needed to know.
It sunk in then. There would only be one reason why Edward would leave.
It shouldn't have been a shock. I knew what Edward had been doing. I wasn't blind to it.
We sat in silence after that.
I leaned my back against the bedhead and starred out the window. Watching the rain hit beat against the glass.
Hours passed by and I got lost in my own thoughts. Buried in them. Strangled by my own memories of what had happened.
I wished that I felt guilty or sad. But I just couldn't find it in me. I searched myself for that remorse, but all I could think about was his forceful hands on me and his mouth painfully pressing into mine. Then the pain that followed when his claws dragged their way through me.
The blood that blinded me.
The screaming. Mine, and everyone else's that came running into the shed.
It felt like days had passed when Rosalie finally walked into the room; her eyes darted from me to Emmett. Her annoyance more than visible.
"You had one job" she groaned.
Emmett tossed his hands up. "I can't make her sleep." He told her sharply.
I stood up from the bed and walked between them, stepping into the hallway.
I found him there alone. His head raised slightly to look at me. Eyes dark and lost.
I could see the blood splattered on his face. Noticed he was wearing different clothes.
It was all right there in his hardened expression. But I still couldn't really believe it.
I stood starring at him, as Rosalie and Emmett left us. I felt her hand touch mine as she passed by. I lightly squeezed it. A silent acknowledgement.
I knew she wouldn't accept anything more.
My eyes stayed on his as the house emptied.
I needed to do something. The urge was overwhelming.
I shook my head, trying to rid myself of the shock I was in.
Taking his hand and led him to the bathroom. He didn't fight when I pushed him to sit down on the edge of the tub. Not even when I dampened a washcloth.
"Are you ok?" I questioned softly, as I kneeled down in front of him.
I knew his body wasn't injured. But still, I needed him tell me that the rest of him was unscathed.
He looked in my eyes, holding my gaze for a long moment. An internal debate occurring in his mind, before he finally nodded. I didn't believe him.
I smoothed his hair back and wiped his brow with the cloth, his neck, his chin. Until all signs of what he'd done were left on the white cotton in my hands.
My eyes were fixed on it. Losing myself in the sight for a long moment.
"I'm sorry" he said carefully, with an ache running through his words.
Their sincerity surprising me.
I frowned at him. Confused by his expression.
I shook my head, putting the cloth down.
"Don't be. I'm not." I promised him.
His eyes softened and his whole body seemed to relax.
A sad smile appeared as he reached up to tuck my hair behind my ear, leaving the scars uncovered.
"Not for killing him" he assured me carefully, his head shaking slightly as he spoke.
I swallowed hard against the tightening in my throat. Wishing I could melt away somehow.
"You saw it" I realised. It was there in his eyes, that unspoken thing, just lying there. Twisting and tormenting him.
I dropped my head.
"I'm so sorry baby." He told me as he took my face in his hands.
He'd apologised for the attack so many times. In so many different ways. Claiming more responsibility than he ever should have. I hated Jacob for that.
But this apology wasn't for the physical injuries I had been left with. It was for what had happened before them. What had led to them.
I don't know why it felt like this. Where did this shame come from? I'd done nothing wrong.
It shouldn't have felt like this.
Nothing happened. Not really.
That's what I constantly reminded myself of. But it never seemed to sink in.
It felt ridiculous to worry about something that seemed so insignificant, especially when considering the events that followed it.
I wanted to believe that it didn't affect me. But it did. His hands on me. His mouth. That moment where I wasn't sure what he could do next.
It took up space in me, wether I wanted to or not.
He'd already broken so much. I felt like if I let that part hurt too, it would be like he took everything.
The scars on my skin. The rip in my heart. It's so hard to believe that someone could do so much damage in such a small space of time.
Suddenly Edward gathered me into his arms and held me there. That gentle rope, softly curling around us again. Securing me to him.
I knew one day I would stop crying over Jacob Black.
But that today was not that day.