Monster

I told her I would give them space and she had looked at me expectantly.

Leaning forward without any thought.

A soft habit, that warmed my heart every time I saw it.

I always kissed her goodbye; I can't remember leaving her without first taking that moment.

Of all the things we'd lost, that would always remain. It was a comforting.

I didn't brush my lips against hers this time. I took her face gently in my hands and kissed her cheek. I left my lips lingering over the scars that she thought offended me so much.

When I pulled away, I looked at her and smiled.

I saw something beautiful in her eyes in that moment. Something shimmering, familiar and bright. I wished I could capture it somehow and force it to stay. But that wasn't the way it worked. It needed to comeback on its own. Willingly. And when it finally did, I wouldn't take it for granted ever again.

When it burnt out from her eyes, I told her I would be back soon. I ducked my head and left. Her fingers falling, one by one, from my grasps as I stepped away.

I don't know where she thought I'd go. Hunting, possibly? To see everyone that still resided at Carlisle's, maybe.

I didn't tell her that I wasn't going any further than the back step. Watching her in Alice's thoughts.

And it was probably the wrong thing to do, and I hated to admit it wasn't the first time.

It was a desperate act by someone who was scared of loosing her. Someone who had run out of options.

They talked about nothing of great importance at first. Easing into the harder subjects with caution.

When they grew quiet, Alice reached over and tucked the curls behind Bella's ear, uncovering the scars. Bella grimaced, as though having them exposed and bare was just as painful as they'd been as open wounds.

"Your beautiful Bella. You'll always be beautiful." Alice told her, turned toward her on the couch.

Bella shook her head and dropped her eyes. "Stop." She whispered firmly.

Alice sighed, taking her hand. "You know he loves you."

Bella nodded, arching her brow. "I don't doubt it." She told Alice with a humourless laugh.

Alice's lip curled, as she shrugged. "So, what's the problem then. Why are we mad at him today?"

"I'm not mad at him." Bella's face grew serious, dropping her eyes down again, straining them. "I just don't think he sees me."

Alice frowned. "What do you mean?"

"He looks at me the same way he's always looked at me. It never changes, not even for a second." Bella explained with a lost look in her eyes.

"Because your still his Bella." Alice told her softly.

Bella shook her head, looking away from Alice for a moment, taking a deep breath to compose herself.

"Or is he just blind to this." She said quietly after willingly the tears to leave her be.

"What if a month, or a year, or twenty years down the track, he looks at me and realises that he doesn't want me. That he's with some monster he can't bare to look at."

I sat stunned at her explanation. Unable to really take anything else in. Their conversation continued on; I could hear them. But it became almost impossible to focus.

"It's not going to happen. You're listening to negative Bella, again." Alice told her, lightening her tone.

Bella eyed her with a hint of a smile and a light shake of her head.

Negative Bella. Alice's name for that darkness in her head, that tried to convince her she was inadequate. Unworthy. That she was far to horrible to ever truly be happy.

Bella picked at the cushion on her lap, frowning at it. Fearful of her own thoughts, that were erupting in her mind.

"Everyone was already saying he's going to leave me" she rambled, growing more upset with every word. "And that was before I looked like this. I can't even imagine what they're saying now."

"Bella." Alice snapped, stopping Bella before she could continue.

Bella's eyes darted to her, stunned by the bold tone.

Alice's expression grew sharp. "I've been alive a long time. And I don't think I've ever said this to anyone before. But I need to say it to you." She told her candidly.

Bella suddenly looked concerned but was clearly eager to hear what Alice had to say. "What is it?" She questioned in a hushed tone.

Alice leaned in; her brow raised. Her eyes enlarged.

"Fuck them."

Bella laughed immediately. Even with the tears in her eyes and her hands still shaking.

"I missed you." She told Alice smiling widely.

The relief I wish I could have felt at the sight of it, didn't arrive.

I stood up, head hung. Walking away quickly.

That word was spinning in my head. Round and round, hitting the sides, scratching at me.

Monster?

It was such a thick word. So much concealed within it.

Unwanted. Unbearable. Scary. Broken.

Ugly.

She was none of those things.

It was all just too much to take in.

I walked into the cover of the of the woods and kept going until I couldn't hear them or anyone else.

I sat in the dirt, my back against a tree. Trying to calm down. Eventually I'd need to go back, and I couldn't do it like this.

Finally, alone, soaking up the silence, I couldn't help but growl when the phone in my pocket vibrated.

Quickly realising it wasn't mine, but Bella's.

The message was from her mother. She hadn't wanted to wake her of she was still asleep.

Pretending to be her, I told Renee that she was out with a friend, but she would call her tonight.

I went to slip the phone back into my pocket, when the thought suddenly arose.

Dark. Twisted. Devious.

It was so simple.

Too simple of an act, considering what its conclusion could be. What it would start.

I scrolled through her contacts; his number was still there. The sun emoji by his name only infuriated me more.

She'd treasured him, she'd loved him.

She'd trusted him.

And he'd spat on it.

I laughed to myself and shook my head. Surely, he wasn't that delusional. Not after all he had done.

-Hi Jake.

I waited. Wondering if that mutt was as stupid as I believed he was.

The subtle buzz arrived in seconds. No questions. No hesitation.

I smiled, narrowing my eyes.

The the messages began pouring in. One after another. Empty apologies from someone who claimed no real responsibility. There were no great words of remorse offered. None of the self loathing she'd endured.

He didn't wish himself away or plead with her to understand his wrongdoings.

He wanted to move forward. Leave it behind them.

As though he hadn't shaken the ground beneath her feet, leaving her nowhere stable to stand. Thinking I'd leave her alone. Hating the body, she lived in. Thinking she was a monster.

But who was the monster here?

I knew it wasn't the girl who got attacked, the one who was questioning her worth because someone else had marked her skin.

So, was it the one who hurt her? The mindless and selfish dog who had allowed his own feelings to get in the way of her safety.

Or was it the one who was going to rip him to shreds?

The one he wouldn't see coming. Foolishly thinking I'd found a way passed this?

As though id lost the memory of her blood on his hands. Soaked into his shirt. Smeared over his face.

I'd show him what a monster looked like.