I

Well, I suppose it's been quite some time since I put pen to paper. I'm not overly confident in my ability to do so any longer. It seems an eternity since I sat to compile my thoughts. However, it seems I have an abundance of time on my hands: My trainer has gone to see her ailing mother. (I wasn't even aware her mother lived, or where she possibly could be stowed in this Apocalyptic world. There's a limited amount of safe havens.) My assistant has not come around in well over 24 hours, and it seems she may have pulled yet another disappearing act. So, I've ample ability to catch up with the documentation of my journey.

Since my last entry, circumstances have changed beyond anything I could possibly have comprehended. If I remember correctly, the last time I would have made a journal entry would have been about the 14th of June, ME 756. It's hard to believe it's been over two years hence. I've many events to describe over the last two years.

Everything changed in ME 756, on the fateful day of the 15th of June. In the chaos of the Empire's attack upon the sea goddess, Lady Lunafreya's rite, and the evacuation of the citizens, things went awry. I was separated from the group. Fearing for Noct's safety, I traversed the ruins of the once-beautiful city, in the heat of battle, to attempt a rescue. I found a partnership with Lord Ravus along the way, as he was equally concerned for the wellbeing of his sister. Alas, we didn't make it in time to save them both. Lady Lunafreya—who had brough such hope and joy into our devolving world—had been murdered in cold blood. At her very last breath, she stayed at the King's side, protecting him.

The true culprit of such horror was revealed to be Chancellor Ardyn Izunia of Niflheim. He attempted to squelch Noct's life as well (or at least made a believable feint), but he was prohibited.

In my desperation to save Noct, I donned the ring of the Lucii—a power I had been forbidden—to have the ability to ward off my much stronger foe. Unfortunately, a price had to be paid for the use of its power. I knew the rules, and I damned them all to save my King. Of the options I was provided as a barter for the power of the Kings of Yore, none seemed acceptable. I would not sacrifice my friends, or the love of my life. It would be pointless to sacrifice my own life, though I gladly would have done so if that was what had been ultimately required. My purpose was to support the King and defend him, no matter the stakes. That, of course, required breath in my lungs.

It was an experience that still gives me a rush of horrified awe when I think of it. I would not have survived at all if it had not been for the Father King. He stood in my defense. After their first options—Gladio, Prompto, or Aleya—had been categorically rejected, the Kings of Our Past were prepared to kill me for my insolence. However, His Majesty vouched for my honor, claimed me as a surrogate son, and stated it would be too great a loss to endure—both for the Chosen King to proceed with his destined quest after losing all heart, and also would put him in greater danger, as no one has a resolve to protect him greater than my own. He stated as the Chosen King's right hand, I was an integral part of the future. Finally, he stated Lady Lunafreya had entrusted me with the knowledge of the Oracle, and therefore, I should be spared as a guiding force. Again, a request for life was made, and again, I was defended. Noctis, he reasoned, was close to all three of their sacrificial options, and would not be able to endure the loss.

I am certain they still at least tried to kill me. I'm not sure why they wouldn't have succeeded.

The choice was then made to take away something precious to me; To inflict a grave wound, and punish me eternally for my hubris. I knew it before they decreed it to be so. I knew somehow that it would be my eyes. They were far more valuable to me than any limb. Still, knowing the price and the pain and grief it would cause, I submitted to their choice. What other option did I have? I am willing to die to protect Noct, and I supposed that to be the consequences of my actions the moment I slid the ring onto my finger. Should I not be glad to exchange my life for my sight?

It was….brutal. The pain, indescribable. Still, I would gladly do the same again if it spared Noctis.

It didn't even occur to me at that moment that Aleya might not understand. Too much was at stake, and once her life was off of the bargaining table, that was the last of it. I only thought of it several days later. I woke up in a hospital bed in Altissia. When the wounds had mended well enough, my head ceased being crushed by a mere passing breeze, and my heart and lungs regulated to natural rhythm, I thought of it.

Gladio had entered my room. I remember I was fully awake in my bed, staring into blackness, wondering the time of the day. I felt sorry for myself. Aside from the people I love dearly, my full sensibilities were my most cherished possessions. I feared I would not be able to serve at His Majesty's side as a tactician or advisor, much less a bodyguard. I mourned the loss of my ability to read a newspaper, a map, or a recipe. I grieved the fact that I would never truly see Noct take the throne. I would never see Insomnia return to its full glory. I would never see another sunrise, or marvel at its setting.

It was agonizingly frustrating—enough to bring even a solidly stoic man to tears—and that's when Gladio had entered.

Embarrassment at him seeing me in such a state quickly dissolved into a dreadful panic when he handed me a phone, declaring that I had received a call from Aleya.

Aleya! How could I ever face her again? I would never see her smile. I had always admired her smile, the glint of her hair in the sunlight, her eyes…Ah, every time our eyes met, my heart would be thrown into arrythmia, and an anxious euphoria would overtake me. Never again would I have such an experience. And how could I tell her, when one of the last things she spoke to me was an admonishment to protect my eyes? How could I possibly approach her? How could I explain what I had done?

I tried my best to get him to decline the call, but he ignored my request. He told me I needed to speak to her, shoved the phone down into my palm, and exited the room. Gladio has always been a rather brusque and unyielding. Though, I could tell by the tone of his voice that he was concerned for me—mourning for me, really. I was quite aware that my injury did not affect just myself alone. My companions had begun blaming themselves, and worse, each other. It was far too much to bear. I had no idea what I would say under the strain of such an event. Just hearing her voice—garbled though it was in that tiny box—had a remarkable toll on my state of mind.

[FLASHBACK]

It had taken some time for Ignis to force out a greeting. When he did speak, his voice betrayed hesitation. "H-hello." He rarely ever stuttered.

"Ignis? Is that you? What's wrong? Where are you? Are you okay?"

"I—" Ah, the old familiar feeling of blood rushing to his head, the pounding of his heart, the sweaty palms. This, unfortunately, was no sweet thrill, though. He had no idea how he would summon the courage to tell her what had transpired.

Could he do so? She was across the seas, far from being physically present. There was absolutely nothing she could do to aid him. Moreover, telling her would cause needless worry. What was even more probable was that she would blame herself, just as everyone else appeared to be doing. No, he couldn't do that to her, could he? As if on cue, he shifted his weight, and felt a soft weight in his shirt pocket. It was the ring he had bought her, which had somehow managed to cling to him despite falling from a bridge, drowning in the sea, being thrown from a boat, and literally lighting part of his body with mystic fire. A symbolism, he supposed, of the fact that she would always be with him, no matter the distance or the burden.

Those burdens, though, were best left to other days. Best to tell her when everyone was on the mend, and Noct had returned to Lucis safely. He simply could not tell her now. Once he was able to get Noct back on his feet, once Gladio and Prompto and His Majesty were on speaking terms again, and…and as soon as he could manage to walk about on his own, then he would tell her. He couldn't spill all the wrongs of the world onto her plate at the moment. No matter how bad things became, he had to remember to protect her, as well. He wouldn't have her fretting, risking her health and causing undue stress, when he was not there to assure her or look after her.

"Ignis? Are you alright? Say something. You're scaring me."

He swallowed, bit down hard on his lower lip, balled a fist, and tried his best to feign cool nonchalance as he spoke. "Of course."

He heard her sigh in relief. "Really? You're not hurt? How's Noct?"

"He's fine. He's resting at the moment. The battle took a lot out of him."

"And Lady Lunafreya? Is it true?"

He felt a lump well up in his throat. "I—I'm afraid so. She has passed."

There was a long pause in her response. It gave him some time to get himself together. He had to give the impression that he had matters well in hand. She spoke finally, but with breathless remorse. "Poor Noct. How is he holding up?"

"At the moment, not well. I'm afraid the losses we've suffered has darkened his resolve."

"Were there more losses?"

A rare slip of the tongue, but she had caught the plural. He wasn't surprised. "We never meant for things to go so terribly awry. It's my fault."

"Igs, that's not true."

"I'm his Right Hand, am I not? I gave him poor advice. I let him negotiate the terms of the—"

"Igs, stop it. It's not your fault. No one could have seen something like this coming, not even you."

'Not even you'. At any other time, a statement such as that one from Aleya Claren would have made him foolishly proud—perhaps even giddy. It meant she held him in high regard, and that was something he continually wished for. Today, however, the words drove in like a dagger. For all her regard and trust and faith, the worst of all variables had occurred. They had lost the Oracle, and the King had lost his nerve. Worse, he had lost his heart. He wasn't even sure if Noct could—or should—continue towards the goal. They had already lost so much. Were they to press on, Ignis knew full well the price that would be paid. The Oracle had passed on her knowledge of the future, and Ignis was loath to be burdened with it.

If only he had been wise enough to see through the Chancellor's shroud! Perhaps none of this would have happened. Lunafreya might be alive, reunited with Noct, and all could ban the remnants of conquered nations together to stand up to the Empire. But he had made a devastating miscalculation, and no matter how many pretty and forgiving words he heard, he knew one truth: For all his preening, gloating, and self-assertions of being the best to give His Majesty fool-proof advice, he himself had turned out to be the biggest fool of them all.

And what of the future? With the foresight he had now, what could he do with it? He might have saved Noct for a day. But could he save him in the future? Was the vision a possible conclusion, or an inevitable one? How could he save him when he couldn't even walk without assistance?

Again, something he could hardly confide to Aleya—the one person he had been able to confide in with nearly everything else. The burden was becoming unbearable.

"Ignis? Is there a bad connection?"

"I—I said I'm not sure."

She sighed. "Where are you all now? Are you safe?"

"We're in Altissia, for the moment."

Alarm rose in her voice. "Iggy, it's not safe there! Isn't the Empire looking for you?"

"I've received word that they lost all interest in scouring for Noct. It appears they withdrew upon orders from their Chancellor."

"That's odd."

"No, it isn't. He's lending us a hand, as usual."

"Why? Why would he do that?"

Ignis curled his hand into another fist. The man that had caused all of this—Ardyn Izunia; What were his intentions? Why attack Noct out of the blue, when he had never sought to do so before? When he had aided them along? Perhaps they were merely puppets; Playthings that kept him amused. But they were puppets he should not have wanted to part with so quickly. No, something was amiss. Did he know all along what would happen? Did he bait Ignis, so that he would harm himself in defense of his King? Did he know how close His Majesty was to his advisor, and that any harm that befell Ignis would wound His Majesty? It was as if he was trying to take away all of the things Noct cherished, one by one. Ignis had always found the man highly suspect. However, even after all that had happened, Ignis was no closer to understanding his true intentions. It was maddening. "I don't know. But I intend to find out."

"Are you sure you're okay? Something's wrong. I can tell."

Of course she could. She had fabulous intuition in most respects. Although, he had always wondered why that intuition never worked in determining how he felt about her. In that respect, she was completely oblivious. "Nothing that you need be concerned with."

"Don't do that. If you need me, you know I'll come. I'll be there. I just need to take a truck, a boat, and maybe pack a little scuba gear. I'm a good swimmer—I can back-stroke there if need be."

She was trying to tease him to lighten the mood a bit. Unfortunately, it wasn't working. Instead, it made him feel horribly guilty for keeping secrets from her. For a brief selfish moment, he thought of telling her everything. He thought of her arriving in a few days. He could bury his head in her neck and relish in her comfort and care. Of course he couldn't do such a thing, though, and he wouldn't.

To his surprise, he felt a swift tear travel down his right cheek. He wiped it away, startled. He hadn't realized how badly this whole ordeal had been affecting him. Speaking to Aleya; Dreaming of her here with him, was only making everything so much worse. When he left, he could daydream about his future with her. Now, he knew most likely he would never see her—or anything else—ever again.

He resisted the reflex to sniff back the emotion. The sound would have alarmed her to his predicament. Instead, he faked his usual deep-throated chuckle. "I've no doubt you'd be here within the hour if I or Noct needed you. But we're quite alright, I assure you."

"Where you headed?"

"Cartanica. We're to pick up another offering from Noct's ancestors. Then I imagine our next stop will be at the doorpost of the Empire."

She let out a short breath, full of anxiety. "Ignis, please. Just be careful, okay? Will you promise me?"

"We will," he assured her.

"Well. I—I suppose—I suppose I'd better let you go, then. I know you. I'm probably keeping you from something important. Busy, busy."

He couldn't help but smile. Her voice sang of apology; She always believed herself to be an imposition. She had no idea how much she truly mattered to him. "To the contrary. I'd always make time for you."

He could practically hear her beaming. "Thank you. Still, I better let you get back to it. Tell everyone I say hello. And tell Noct that I'm sending him all my love. Give him a hug for me, okay? Bye, Boss."

"Aleya, wait!" His heart pumped quickly, stepping up to an erratic tachycardia. He couldn't let her go, yet. He just had to hear her voice for a while longer.

"Yeah?"

"Take care of yourself. I've lived through far too many disasters. If I returned and found out something had happened to you, I…"

"Don't worry about me. I've made a few friends over here, and met up with some old ones. Alvor's alive, and he's been by a lot. And the hunters drop by every now and again to make sure the town's alright. Libertus is even sending the remaining Kingsglaive out to give us some assistance. I'll be fine."

Alvor was a name that was new to him, and he instinctively didn't like it. He pushed the thought away to concentrate on more important matters. "I know you. Don't attempt anything foolish."

"What? Igs, come on…"

"And another thing. I'm not sure how communications will fare outside the Accordo district. Should you be unable to contact us, don't despair. We will be coming home, I promise you."

She sighed. "You'd be much more convincing if you didn't sound like you were trying to convince yourself."

"Leya. I'm coming back. Do you understand? I'm coming back with the King."

"Fine, fine. Don't worry. If you're asking me to not give up if I can't get a phone connection, I won't. I'll never give up on you. You're Ignis Scientia, after all. There's nothing you can't do. I believe that."

Her faith in him a bit of courage; Courage he had been missing since he had woken up with his eyesight gone. It meant so much, and she didn't even know why. "Aleya, I…" He wanted to speak to the words he had been waiting to tell her for so long. And yet, once again, he couldn't bring himself to do it. He wasn't a soldier marching into battle, spelling out his final goodbyes with a tearful confession. He would have to tell her when they returned with the crystal. "I miss you. Terribly much."

"I miss you too. But, I understand…everything. Stay strong, Boss. I believe in you. We all do! So does Noct. Don't let all of this deflate you. They have no idea who they're dealing with. Give them hell for me, huh?"

Courage, indeed. He sorely needed it. His emotions overwhelmed him. If she had been standing next to him, he probably would have done something impulsive. "I will. I assure you."

"Well, then. Bye."

He paused, not wanting to hang up. "Goodbye." He waited for the phone to go silent, as he would have fumbled to find the correct button in his current state. He stood stoically for a moment.

He had to be strong. For Noctis; For Aleya; For the future. He couldn't afford to give in to his darker emotions. He couldn't let discouragement win. After all, he was Ignis Stupeo Scientia, and there was nothing he couldn't do, if he wanted it badly enough. He had stared down an Imperial army. He had challenged the gods. He had tread through the horrors of the darkness, and he had stared down the Kings of Old, surviving their discipline. There was no possible way a war would be his undoing. He would never allow it. For Noct…for the future…For Aleya.

[Back to Entry]

It turned out Gladio was correct—that I had needed to speak to her. Still, I told him quite precisely to never do such a thing like that to me again. We had words about it. He disagreed with me for not telling her what had transpired. He seemed more offended for her than worried for me. In the end though, he allowed me to speak my piece. I'm not sure if it was because he respected my viewpoint, or if he felt pity for me. Quite likely the latter. In any case, he knew to never simply surprise me with a call from Leya—no matter how badly he thought I may need it. If I were to speak to her again, he was to ensure I was in the proper mindset, first.

Over the next days, the scenes of the future became more vivid. Though I was blind, I could still see the imagery of our futures, plain as day. Or, at least, the portion the Oracle chose to reveal to me. I came to understand that as the Oracle lay dying, she felt the need to entrust her knowledge of the future to someone who could bear it, respect it, and use it to properly guide the King. She had to entrust it to someone who understood the obligations that came with such knowledge; Someone who would see Noct's destiny fulfilled. That person, it seems, was myself.

If I could have rid myself of such knowledge, though, I would have happily done so. No one would wish to carry such secrets of tragedy within their soul. I could see nothing during the day, but those visions haunted me at night.

It was at this time that Umbra began to visit on occasion, probably at first to help me cope, later viewing me as a transponder of the Oracle's will and purpose. (I suppose I should write of such things later.) It wasn't expected, but it was welcome. Something told me he was intensely aware of the burden I bore. It's only fitting, as he and Pryna were so inseparably linked—much like the King and Oracle herself. Umbra and Noct are much alike, as they've been bereft of family, and lost all they had known and loved. That the divine courier—a warrior in his own right—would take the time to comfort me only assures me all the more that my duty is a sacred and solemn one. I mustn't fail.

I gave His Majesty options, of course. I would be remiss as his advisor if I didn't offer all options. I had no desire to see Noct sacrifice himself, besides. If there were any way to save him from it, or at least to give him time to come to terms with his past before trudging to his death, it was my obligation to find it. I didn't want him to suffer. I also wanted to give him the luxury of making his own choice. With all that had happened, I imagined he was wondering how much worse things could get. I wanted to assure him that we would stand by him, no matter the choice he made.

When the choice was offered, he quickly cut me off. He explained that he had to press on, lest all our sacrifices be in vain. 'And you—you of all people….You should know that better than anyone,' he told me. But, at the tone of his voice, I knew. Noct had taken on the weight of my personal loss. Gladio suspected that Noct was wholly focused on himself, but nothing could be further from the truth. Noct felt responsible: Not only for Lady Lunafreya—which was enough to crush him—but for me, as well. He felt the need to march on, to make good on his promise to Lady Lunafreya, and to avenge our sacrifices.

It wasn't just revenge he wanted. He was assuring me, I knew. He was assuring me that he could accept the burden, carry on, and become the man I had always hoped he would be.

The King I knew he would be.