Luke walked around Coruscant, not really having a destination in mind. He didn't want to be here. He wished he was home, but deep down he felt like he didn't know what that meant, and it made his heart pang with guilt and loneliness. Luke just walked, knowing that he would recognize where he was going when he got there.
He walked until he found himself back at the Jedi temple, and he felt frustrated and confused when he realized where he was. He didn't want to be here. He'd only found himself here because he'd subconsciously let the Force guide him. Of course it brought him to the strongest source of the Force on the planet.
He couldn't focus. Luke had felt a little better yesterday after talking to Mace Windu about his grief. Talking to Padmé about his nightmares had made him feel raw and vulnerable, but better. Maybe he really did just need to talk about it. And there was only one person that he could talk to about his most recent nightmare.
Without really knowing what he was doing, Luke reached out with the Force to find his father. The man felt familiar to him. He felt like Leia. Like Shmi. Like home.
Luke was too tired to be mad at Anakin the way he had been yesterday. He still didn't understand why Anakin hadn't tried to save his mother until it was too late, but he didn't think Anakin understood either. Luke knew how confusing these dreams were, and how painful it got. They were impossible to ignore, but that was exactly what Luke had been trying to do. Could he really be mad at Anakin for doing the same thing?
He needed to have another talk with Anakin. A real one. They were both still so hurt and angry, and Luke thought they were the only ones who could really understand each other. Maybe Anakin had some advice on how he could move on. He had to have some experience with it by now.
Luke walked down the temple halls, following Anakin's presence. He found the man in a training room, expertly swinging around a laser sword. Luke's heart clenched at the sight. Anakin wasn't facing him, and Luke didn't make a sound, but the man paused.
"What are you doing here, Luke?" Anakin asked. He didn't sound mad or upset, but his voice was still more than a little distant.
"I-I think we should talk." Luke said. He couldn't tear his gaze away from the familiar bright light. Anakin didn't turn towards him. "Um, what's that thing?"
The light dimmed and Anakin put the hilt away. He still wasn't looking at him. "It's called a lightsaber. It's the weapon of the Jedi."
Luke swallowed thickly. This was his chance. "Did you use it to murder the Tuskens?" His tone wasn't accusing or judgmental. It was full of sympathy and pain. He'd felt Anakin's emotions in his dream last night. It was hard not to empathize.
Anakin let out a slow breath. "Is that what you saw last night? In your dream?"
He knew. They could start to understand each other. They could heal together, if only Anakin would just look at him.
"Yeah." Luke's voice cracked slightly with emotion. "And I felt all of it. Your pain. Your fury. It felt like I was possessed by anger and darkness. How can you take it?"
Anakin turned further away from him, and Luke's chest felt heavy. Why? Why wasn't Anakin opening up? This could be good for both of them. It might be the only thing that could get them through this.
"I don't think you should talk to me." Anakin said sternly, but not unkindly. He was trying to let Luke down easy, and the boy felt something in him shatter. He needed help. He needed to talk to someone who would understand. He needed his father.
"Why?" Luke asked painfully. "We can help each other."
"You're just saying that because you don't know better." Anakin said. "I'm the reason why you're having these dreams and feelings in the first place. I've been…struggling lately, and you've been suffering for it. You've been latching onto me, feeding on my emotions, and it's not good for you."
But that wasn't what was happening. This wasn't some residue Force dream leaking out of Anakin. Luke knew that it was more than that. Why didn't Anakin understand that? Luke had been having these dreams for weeks, ever since he'd learned the truth. Anakin didn't know that though. As far as he knew, Luke was dreaming of a stranger and being exposed to feelings that weren't his own.
Anakin was trying to protect him from pain that he had nothing to do with, and a small part of Luke was ecstatic that his dad, who was hurting so badly right now, was still protecting him. He'd always dreamed of a dad that would take care of him. Now he finally had it, but Luke wasn't getting it in the way that he wanted to. He didn't want to be shielded from his dad's emotions. He knew these couldn't be brushed under the rug. He wanted to actually heal. He wanted that for both of them. But that wasn't what Anakin was offering.
"Please," Luke said. "We need this."
Anakin shook his head. "You don't even know what you're feeling. You don't know what you need."
"And you do?!" Luke asked. "You don't even know me." And that was the problem, wasn't it? Neither of them knew each other. Despite their relationship, and their connection in the Force, and their similar experiences, they were still strangers.
"I know you need sleep." Anakin said. He finally turned to look at Luke, regret and determination in his eyes. "I can work through my own problems. You shouldn't have to be trapped in a nightmare and wake up screaming because of me. I don't know why we have this connection, but I'm putting a stop to it before you get hurt." There was a finality in his tone that scared Luke.
"What are you-" Luke reached out towards Anakin, only to gasp when he felt something disappear. His connection to Anakin. It had been distant and hard to feel unless he looked for it, but constant and strong. It was something that had been there Luke's whole life, and he'd never been aware of it until it had been closed off from him.
It was the feeling that gave him hope that he would get off of Tatooine someday. The content longing he'd felt when he would stare up at the stars, knowing deep down that there was somebody out there who cared about him. Who loved him.
That feeling was gone as Anakin put a mental wall around himself, blocking off their connection. Luke could see him right in front of him, but he couldn't feel him at all. His father had cut him off, and Luke felt shattered.
He didn't realize he was crying until he felt the tears fall from his cheeks to his chin and down his neck.
Anakin gave him an apologetic look. "I'm sorry. This is for the best." He walked away, leaving Luke standing there alone, crying silently. He was supposed to be doing better. Why was everything falling apart?
He couldn't stay here. The Jedi temple was stifling, and the only comforting presence he'd felt here right now was gone. He couldn't rely on Anakin. He didn't want to bother Mace Windu again, after everything the man had done for him yesterday. Luke should be stronger than this. He was getting help, and it should be enough. The fact that it wasn't had to mean that there was a problem with him.
Luke couldn't even go to Obi-Wan. Not after rejecting him so thoroughly earlier. The man had just been trying to help, and Luke had fought against it because he was scared. He had no right to ask for help after that.
He wanted to run to Leia or Padmé and have them reassure him that he was okay, even if he wasn't. He wanted to fall into their arms and let their hugs protect him from the feelings that he couldn't run from. He just wanted a break.
But they were enjoying lunch. He couldn't drag them down just because he didn't understand his own emotions. They deserved better than that.
He needed to get out of here. Away from the oppressive and overwhelming presence of the Jedi, and the bright noise of Coruscant. He needed to get away from the constant reminder that he wasn't okay, even though he should be. He needed to move on from the past that was weighing him down, which meant that he needed to do what Mace Windu had said and accept it first.
Luke had to address his pain, and go from there. He had wanted to do it with Anakin, but that wasn't an option. Luke was alone, and he had an idea of just where he wanted to go.
Leia felt bad that Luke had left so upset, but she pushed her guilt back. He was probably just tired and overly emotional. She would love to have a political discussion with him. She really would. She didn't often get the chance to actually talk to people who had such different life experiences than she did. He could provide insight that she'd never considered, and she could help him understand that she didn't make decisions and form opinions lightly. If she decided to do something questionable for the greater good, she truly believed that it would be a net positive.
The thing was, Leia agreed with Luke about making trade deals with the Hutts. She wasn't as passionately against it as she was, and she understood why Padmé and Bail felt it was necessary, but she didn't think it was a good idea either. The Hutts weren't known for being honest people. They could provide resources to the Republic, yes, but they could just as easily stab them in the back for a little extra money.
But Leia hadn't said anything, because this wasn't her time, and maybe there were complications that she didn't understand. She knew that her father wouldn't be making this decision lightly, so she listened politely and tried to understand, even as she tried to figure out if there was a way to voice her concerns without overstepping.
Luke had no such concerns. He had the luxury of not being raised to need to think about every little thing that came out of his mouth. Luke spoke his mind, and he did so with unrestrained passion. Leia could never do such a thing.
Padmé and Bail didn't scold Luke for speaking out of line, or getting too heated. They didn't judge him for letting his opinions be driven by his emotions. In fact, when Leia came back into the restaurant without Luke, they'd seemed disappointed about his absence. They had wanted to continue the discussion, or at least a discussion, and Leia had conflicting feelings about it.
On the one hand, she also wanted Luke to be there still. However, she knew that he didn't enjoy this kind of conversation the way she and the others did. This was how Leia truly got to know a person, and she enjoyed the challenge and debate of it all. Back home, most of the family dinners that she remembered most fondly were discussions about laws and regulations.
And a part of Leia, a part that she despised, was resentful of the fact that Padmé and Bail were unbothered by Luke's outburst. If Leia ever got too passionate in a friendly discussion, reacting out of anger and letting her emotions control her, she would be sent to her room until she'd calmed down enough to address the problem like an adult.
She was a princess. From a young age she knew that people looked to her to be an example. She couldn't be perfect, but she had to act like she was. Nobody could see how she was truly feeling. If she was emotional, she had to show it in a very specific way, and only at a specific time, and in front of specific people.
Luke had practically shouted at them, accusing the Republic that they tried so hard to maintain of endorsing slavery, and Padmé and Bail were sad to see him go. Leia didn't understand why she would have never been treated with that kind of respect if she was back home. Why did her dad accept passion from Luke in the past, but want maturity and a level-head from Leia in her present?
Leia felt guilty. She wanted her own father, of course, but seeing him, so similar and yet so different, had her longing for something that she had never even had before. He'd always been an amazing dad, who just happened to have necessary expectations of her. What right did she have to wish for a leniency from him, just because he'd offered it in the past?
He worked under a Republic right now. He was just one of many senators. He could afford to take a less stern approach. In Leia's time, he was a prince consort, and a leader of the young rebellion. He needed to tread carefully, and he'd taught Leia to do the same. Intense emotions revealed vulnerabilities to one's enemies, and made people doubt your ability to lead. Bail had to control his emotions while they were under the Empire's watchful eye, and Leia had to do the same. She knew this, and she understood why, but she didn't like it, and it didn't make it any easier.
The rest of lunch was tense. Bail tried to ask her about her home, and she could only offer vague answers. What was she supposed to say? That she was from the future, and his adopted daughter? That conversation wouldn't go well, and would just raise more questions that she didn't know the answer to.
And it hurt to talk to her father like this. He spoke to her as though she was a stranger that he was politely addressing during a dinner party. Somebody he treated with kindness, but didn't truly care for. There were none of those knowing looks that they exchanged when they were at a part that neither of them wanted to attend. There were no private jokes that were so subtle that the people around them didn't even realize they were left out of the loop.
Because while this man was Bail Organa, and she loved him, he wasn't her father. Not really. He would be, someday, but right now it was like he was just a shadow of who he was going to be. A silhouette that gave the right impression, but lacked all the significant details. It made Leia homesick.
But she couldn't talk about it, and she couldn't let her feelings be known. She didn't want to be responsible for spoiling their lunch, or making them feel like they'd done something wrong. So Leia smiled, took what she could get, and ate her lunch when it arrived.
When they were all done eating Bail said that he wanted to go over some work with Padmé. They offered to let her join them, but she politely declined. She didn't want to intrude. More than that, she didn't want to feel like her own father was a stranger. Her heart couldn't take it much more.
She accepted a ride back to the temple and wished them a good day. She waved them off as they flew away. As soon as they were out of sight she let her mask slip. She sighed in exhaustion and let her shoulders fall. She wasn't quite slouching, but she wasn't holding herself in the tall and proud way that she knew she should. She didn't have the energy for it right now.
Leia made her way into the temple, mentally reaching out to Luke. She wanted to make things up to him, and maybe she would feel better if she was just in his presence. It had been enough before. As she reached for him she felt a mental barrier. His shields were up.
Leia frowned and gently tugged on their connection. She didn't want to hurt him by forcing his walls down, but she wanted him to let her in. They could surely help each other. As Leia reached for him she felt his walls tighten. He wasn't opening up. He was locking her out. Something was wrong. She needed to find him.
Leia ran down the halls, making her way towards their temporary room. Maybe he was sleeping. She hadn't been able to reach him when he had his nightmare last night. If the same thing was happening again, and he was subconsciously shielding himself to try in vain to protect himself from his dreams, then she wanted to be there for him when he woke up.
Leia went into their room and frowned when she saw their beds were empty. Luke wasn't here. She reached for him again, more insistently this time. She barely kept herself from slamming against the shields and tearing them down. Once again, the shields were reinforced, and Leia had the feeling that it was done on purpose. Luke didn't want to let her in.
That was just too bad. He'd been alone for so long, and Leia wasn't going to let him suffer alone anymore. They were brother and sister, even if Luke didn't know it. They belonged together. Whether Luke wanted it or not, she was going to be there for him, and he was going to appreciate it.
She didn't know where he was, but she would find him. If she had to travel through time again to do so, she would. Luke wasn't going to be alone again, and neither was she.