Wario and Waluigi: The Blues Brothers

Chapter 5

Wario and Waluigi were getting a painful lesson from the nun sending them away while also meeting an old friend

The nun hits Wario with her ruler because he said something rude to her

Ow. Wario said

Wario. Waluigi said

I beg your pardon. What did you say? the nun said

I offered to help you. You refused to take our money. Wario said

Wario. Waluigi said

No, let him finish. Then what? the nun said

Then i said, "I guess you're really up sh*t creek. " Wario said

The nun hits Wario with her ruler again because he said something rude to her again

Ow. Wario said

Christ, Wario, take it easy, man. Waluigi said

Waluigi! the nun said

What? Waluigi said

The nun hits Waluigi with her ruler because he also said something rude to her

Ow. Waluigi said

Jesus Christ! Wario said

The nun hits Wario again with her ruler

Ow. Wario said

Sh*t! G*dd*mn it! Waluigi said

The nun hits Waluigi again with her ruler

Ow. Waluigi said

Son of a bitch! Wario said

The nun hits Wario again with her ruler

Ow. Wario said

Had enough? the nun said

Jesus Christ. Wario said

You son of a bitch. Waluigi said

The nun hits Wario and Waluigi at the same time

I'll say it again. Had enough? the nun said

What is wrong with you? Wario said

You fat penguin! Waluigi said

The nun was done hitting Wario and Waluigi with her ruler and pulled out a sword

Is that a sword? Waluigi said

Yes. It is. the nun said

Oh crap! Wario said

F*ck this noise, man! Waluigi said

Waluigi got up from his chair and went out the door and down the stairs while Wario who was stuck in his chair fell down the stairs and crashed onto the floor

Are you okay Wario? Waluigi said

I'm fine. Wario said

You are such a disappointing pair. the nun said

What? Waluigi said

Huh? Wario said

I prayed so hard for you. the nun said

What? Waluigi said

Huh? Wario said

It saddens and hurts me that the two young men whom i raised to believe in the Ten Commandments, have returned to me as two thieves with filthy mouths and bad attitudes. the nun said

We're sorry. Wario said

We're really sorry. Waluigi said

It's too late for that. the nun said

What? Waluigi said

Huh? Wario said

Get out! the nun said

Excuse me? Wario said

Say what? Waluigi said

And don't come back until you've redeemed yourselves. the nun said

The nun moved slowly into her office while the door closed

That was messed up. Wario said

Totally. Walugi said

Boys, you gotta learn not to talk to nuns that way. a voice said

What? Waluigi said

Huh? Wario said

Wario and Waluigi turned and saw a man who was dressed just like them

Wario, Waluigi. the man said

Curtis! Wario said

Hey, man! Waluigi said

Hey. Curtis said

You look fine, man! Waluigi said

Thanks. Curtis said

Good to see you, man! Wario said

Hey, buy you boys a drink? Curtis said

Sure. Wario said

Of course. Waluigi said

A few minutes later

Wario and Waluigi were in Curtis's apartment in the orphanage

So how it's going, Curtis? Wario said

Yeah. How are things? Walugi said

Boys, things are bad. Curtis said

Bad? Wario said

Yup. Curtis said

What do you mean? Waluigi said

They gonna sell this place to the Board of Education and i'll be out on the street. Curtis said

What? Wario said

Seriously? Walugi said

Yup. Curtis said

Well, we're going to make some money. Wario said

Then you better hurry. Curtis said

Why? Waluigi said

That money's got to be in the Cook County Assessor's Office within 11 days. Curtis said

Oh. Waluigi said

They wouldn't turn you out, would they? Wario said

Sh*t. What's one more old n*gg*r to the Board of Education? Curtis said

Curtis, you and the Penguin are the only family we have. Waluigi said

I know. Curtis said

You're the only one that was ever good to us singing Elmore James tunes and blowing the harp for us down here. Waluigi said

Well, the sister was right. Curtis said

Huh? Wario said

What do you mean? Waluigi said

You boys could use a little churching up. Curtis said

Churching? Wario said

Yup. Curtis said

How? Waluigi said

Slide on down to the Triple Rock and catch Rev. Cleophus. Curtis said

Rev. Cleophus? Wario said

Yup. Curtis said

Do we have to? Waluigi said

Yup. Curtis said

Seriously? Wario said

Now you boys listen to what he's got to say. Curtis said

Curtis? Wario said

What is it? Curtis said

I don't want to listen to no jive-ass preacher talking to me about heaven and hell. Wario said

Wario, you get wise. You get to church. Curtis said

What? Wario said

You heard me. Go to church. Curtis said

You've got to be kidding me. Wario said

I'm not. Now go to church. Curtis said

Alright fine. Waluigi? Wario said

Yeah? Waluigi said

Let's go to church. Wario said

Okay. Waluigi said

A few more minutes later

Wario and Waluigi drove in the blues mobile until they arrived at the church

Well, here we are. Waluigi said

So this is church huh? Toad said

It is. Waluigi said

Cool. Toad said

Yup. It is. Now let's go. Waluigi said

Alright. Toad said

I can't believe we're doing this. Wario said

Well, we are now let's go. Waluigi said

No way. Wario said

Come on Wario. Waluigi said

No way. Wario said

Why not? Waluigi said

I'm not good with church. Wario said

Really? Waluigi said

Yeah. Wario said

You're not good with church? Waluigi said

Yeah. Wario said

Come on Wario. We gotta do it. Toad said

No. Wario said

It can't be that bad. Toad said

Easy for you to say. Wario said

But what about the money? Waluigi said

The money? Wario said

Yeah. Waluigi said

What about the money? Wario said

We need the money to save the church. Waluigi said

What and you think church is going to give us a sign that we're going to make some money? Wario said

Maybe. Waluigi said

I'm going back in the car. Wario said

Wario tries to go back in the car but Waluigi stops him

Wait Wario. Waluigi said

What? Wario said

All i'm saying is we got to figure out some way to get that money honestly. Waluigi said

That could be a problem. Wario said

It's like the Penguin says. Waluigi said

What? Wario said

We've got to make that move towards redemption. Waluigi said

Redemption? Wario said

Yup. Waluigi said

Which means? Wario said

We got to go to church. Waluigi said

We've got to make that move towards redemption. We got to go to church. Bullshit. Wario said

Come on. Waluigi said

Oh boy. Toad said

Wario and Waluigi went inside the church and saw a lot of people there sitting down while Wario and Waluigi stood still

Lot of people in here. Wario said

A lot. Waluigi said

Yeah. Toad said

And now, this week's sermon is from our beloved, the Rev. Cleophus James! the black glasses man said

Suddenly a black man with afro hair and a red robe got up and approached the podium

James. a man said

Come on, Reverend! a woman said

Come on, preacher. another man said

And now, people. Rev Cleophus James said

Take your time! another woman said

And now, people. Rev Cleophus James said

Yes? the people said

When i woke up this morning. Rev Cleophus James said

Yes? the people said

I heard a disturbing sound. Rev Cleophus James said

Yeah. the people said

I said, when i woke up this morning i heard a disturbing sound! Rev Cleophus James said

Yeah. the people said

What i heard was the jingle-jangle of a thousand lost souls! Rev Cleophus James said

Yes? the people said

Wario and Waluigi were in church hoping to get some words of encouragement there from Rev. Cleophus James stay tuned

TO BE CONTINUED