He left Shen Qingqiu like that until the next day, returning to find him in the same position and with an extremely swollen wrist. It turned out that Luo Binghe had broken it, but according to the doctor, Shen Qingqiu had also likely fractured one of the bones in his hand in the first place. So now, the idiot couldn't use one of his hands again. Not like he had particularly used them for much of anything lately besides feeble attempts to attack the demon lord, anyway.

It was then that Luo Binghe decided that he apparently hadn't done enough to Shizun-proof the room. Or really, the issue was that he couldn't Shizun-proof his Shizun. There were a hundred small ways he could hurt himself even if Luo Binghe covered every hard surface with something soft to keep him from slamming his fist into anything.

He could keep the blood parasites activated indefinitely, but that certainly wouldn't help with his goal here. Neither would breaking his wrists (again).

With a sigh, he thought that, maybe, he should just let him do it. It wasn't like he could do that much damage to himself. He certainly couldn't kill himself with anything in the room.

So if he wanted to slam his hands into the floor and shatter them, fine. If he wanted to dig his nails into his palms, let him do it.

He'd tire of it after he'd done it a few times.

XXX

His soul had been fluttering unsteadily all day, and his heart was thumping loudly in his ears. Pacing hadn't helped, so in defeat, he had flopped down onto the floor, sliding down a wall, and started pulling his hair, hoping that the sting would help snap him out of it.

It didn't.

And so, he moved to press his palms into his eyes the way he used to as a child when the slavers who owned him were shouting too much (which had earned him enough kicks to force him to get rid of the habit until now).

He tried to breathe, even made a half-hearted attempt to meditate, but it didn't help. And covering his eyes had just left his world dark. Anyone (Luo Binghe) could walk into the room at any point, and he wouldn't even know it. But that still wasn't enough to convince him to remove his hands, nor was the throb in the hand he broke.

With hardly a thought, he slammed his head back with a satisfying thunk.

XXX

Okay, Luo Binghe took back the idea of letting Shen Qingqiu hurt himself until he got it out of his system.

Because this time, when he entered the room, he found the man slamming his head into the wall.

How long had he been doing this?!

"Shizun!"

He rushed over and knelt down on the floor, dragging him far away enough from the wall that he couldn't slam his head again. Before he could blink, Shen Qingqiu flinched away from him, trying to stand but falling over because Luo Binghe was still holding his ankle.

"What the fuck are you doing?!"

Shen Qingqiu was pressing his palms into his eyes, so Luo Binghe couldn't see his expression. He could certainly hear the ear-splitting scream, though. And he could feel the surprisingly-strong kick from the man's free leg. His grip loosened more because of the noise than the attack, though it still allowed Shen Qingqiu to get up and start backing away.

It was at this point that he lowered his hands away from his face.

And revealed that he was crying blood.

.

.

Fuck.

Shen Qingqiu was having a qi deviation.

From the looks of it, it was a bad one, one that had likely been brewing for a while. Luo Binghe sucked a breath in through his teeth- he hadn't realized that Shen Qingqiu could have a qi deviation with his cultivation sealed, but it wouldn't be happening if it wasn't possible. He supposed that explained why he had been acting more aggressive and erratic than usual lately- Luo Binghe should have noticed. He knew that Shen Qingqiu had always been more prone to qi deviations than the average cultivator, and his soul had been dragged from the afterlife and put into a different body.

In short, this was bad.

Luo Binghe wasn't sure if he should risk using the blood parasites, unsure of whether they would cause more damage or not. He really needed to look more into how to use those things for non-violent purposes, because knowing whether they were safe would have been very helpful right about now.

Brute force would have to suffice, it seemed.

"Shizun, you need to calm down," Luo Binghe told him. "You're having a qi deviation."

But Shen Qingqiu didn't seem to hear him.

He was breathing heavily and looking wildly around the room rather than at Luo Binghe. Then, he started to step backwards, staring at a point to Luo Binghe's left.

Not wanting this to go on any longer, Luo Binghe strode forward and went to grab him, though Shen Qingqiu did apparently notice that, and he dodged, almost falling over in the process. That gave the demon lord an easy opening to grab him successfully, which then gave Shen Qingqiu an easy opening to bite his arm. Like before, this wasn't enough to make Luo Binghe let go of him, but it did hurt a good bit more than the first time. Struggling to get away again, Shen Qingqiu's breathing got faster until he was gasping like a fish in a net.

Ignoring it, Luo Binghe wrapped his other arm around the man and pulled him close to his chest so he could begin working to settle Shen Qingqiu's qi. He made sure to only employ the use of his non-demonic qi and started to help circulate it through the older man's body.

He frowned. His qi was in complete disarray, so chaotic that Luo Binghe was somewhat surprised his former teacher hadn't dropped dead already. Though, the bleeding eyes did suggest that he was getting close.

Not that he would allow that. No- he was going to get his qi back to normal and calm him down and then not let his qi deviations get to this point again because this was ridiculously close to a disaster.

He could feel and hear the choking noises coming from Shen Qingqiu's mouth, but Luo Binghe knew he wasn't holding him so tightly that he couldn't breathe. And so he continued.

Thankfully, as the circulating qi began to fall back into a normal rhythm, Shen Qingqiu also appeared to calm down. His breathing and struggling became less desperate, and by the time Luo Binghe was done, his Shizun had collapsed into his chest, leaning his entire weight onto the demon lord. At that point, Luo Binghe cautiously released him from the hold, tilting his face up so he could look at him.

Shen Qingqiu blinked slowly at him, as if he was confused about why Luo Binghe was there at all.

"Shizun?"

He sat back a little, still remaining close to the demon lord.

"…W-What…?"

"Qi deviation."

Shen Qingqiu seemed to accept the answer, oddly placid all of a sudden. All his struggling must have used up what little energy he had. Then, he raised a hand to rub the back of his head.

"… Why does my head hurt…?"

"Well, that's what happens when you repeatedly slam your head into a wall," Luo Binghe spoke through his teeth.

He blinked, looking surprised. He probably was- after all, he couldn't entirely control himself during a qi deviation. Yet, Luo Binghe felt slightly annoyed that the man didn't appear to remember doing it- the demon lord got the sense that he himself wouldn't forget for a while.

"Oh."

"I feel as though it's become your goal to have medical problems."

Honestly, how could one man kept 'safe' in a room get into so much trouble? Why couldn't Shen Qingqiu just sit there and not try to die again? Was that really so hard?

"Ah yes, because I just decided that it would be fun to have a qi deviation today."

Luo Binghe crossed his arms. Yes, he knew the qi deviation wasn't on purpose. It still felt like it somehow was, though.

"Well, you decided it would be 'fun' to break your hand, so who knows at this point."

Shen Qingqiu rolled his eyes, still rubbing the back of his head.

"… I still hate you."

Luo Binghe supposed that was probably the closest thing to a thank-you as he was going to get.

"Yes, I know," he said, getting up so he could grab a cloth and dampen it with some of the water he'd brought.

"What's that for?"

Luo Binghe grinned, and for the first time in a while, it wasn't really amused at all.

"To clean the blood off your face."

XXX

"So, are you calmer now?" Luo Binghe asked as he sat across from the man.

"Why?" Shen Qingqiu asked, raising an eyebrow.

Though he asked, Luo Binghe did already observe that his Shizun had been calmer after being healed from his qi deviation. He still got angry and cursed at him, but he was less agitated, and he hadn't caused himself any more significant injuries in the past few days, which suggested that he was better. Still, though, he couldn't directly observe the man's mental state as easily as he could observe his behavior, so although Shen Qingqiu was unlikely to tell him outright what was going on in his head, he might be able to infer from his responses.

"Because I don't want you to have another qi deviation," Luo Binghe replied honestly. "If I had come a little later the other day, you'd be dead, and then I'd have to drag your soul back again, which I'd prefer to not have to do. It was difficult enough the first time. "

"Or you could just let the dead stay dead, but of course a beast like yourself has no respect for the natural order of the world," Shen Qingqiu jabbed.

Well, that was a pretty typical kind of response for the man. He'd have to make sure to keep watch for signs of another qi deviation though, especially so soon after this one.

"I already told you- you can't die until I allow it," Luo Binghe reminded him. "Which I'm not going to do for a while, so don't hold your breath."

"At this rate, I might just die anyway," his Shizun laughed. "And with my soul as unstable as it is, do you know for sure that you can bring me back twice?"

Luo Binghe frowned. He did know that it was possible that another attempt to bring Shen Qingqiu back could end up shattering his soul, though that wouldn't stop him from trying. It was, however, a perfectly good reason to not want to let the man die again in the first place.

"That's not funny, you know."

Shen Qingqiu leaned back.

"It is, actually," he continued to chuckle. "You've gone from torturing me and wanting me dead to keeping me alive. Whatever end goal you have for this game of yours, you have to stop me from dying to do it. Except that's more difficult than you thought it would be, now isn't it?"

"You know, there are a lot of people who would appreciate getting a second life."

"Well, maybe you should have brought one of them back instead, then."

XXX

He still couldn't figure out what it was that Luo Binghe wanted. He really had expected that he would be getting tortured again by now, and though he still didn't think that was completely off the table, it did appear that Luo Binghe was holding himself back. And in addition, he seemed to get rather upset when Shen Qingqiu was hurt or ailing, whether by Shen Qingqiu's own hand or coincidence (or Luo Binghe's hand, as he was still convinced that it had been the little beast who had poisoned him). It wasn't as though Luo Binghe never hurt him, but it was (mostly) only minor injuries and happened pretty much only when Shen Qingqiu provoked him.

That led to a rather odd realization:

Luo Binghe was trying not to hurt him, as well as trying to keep him from hurting himself.

It really was strange. Before, it could be argued that hurting him would slow down his healing, and Luo Binghe just wanted to torture him when he was strong enough to put up a fight. He was just investing in his future amusement. Now, though, along with him not seeing any particular reason to delay the return of the torture, Luo Binghe was actively choosing not to torture him. And based on how frequently the man questioned whether Shen Qingqiu wanted to be tortured and their conversations surrounding such questions, it seemed that, perhaps, Luo Binghe wasn't intending to torture him again.

Or, he was trying to let Shen Qingqiu believe that.

Of course, the former peak lord knew that this entire thing was a game, so anything Luo Binghe said or did was a manipulation in some way. The little beast was a master at switching between a terrifying demigod of rage and vengeance and the sweet little lotus he had been during his disciple days, choosing a mask to suit each situation as needed. Here, it seemed at times that Luo Binghe was trying to use the lotus mask with him, but his hatred of Shen Qingqiu very often made his true intentions crack through.

To a degree, it settled Shen Qingqiu's nerves a little that Luo Binghe truly didn't intend to destroy him at the moment. It seemed he would wait until the game ended. He wasn't ever going to let his guard down, but at least there was a pretty good chance that he'd still have all of his limbs at the end of Luo Binghe's visit on any given day. However, that then gave rise to a new anxiety:

What was he going to do with him?

Though Shen Qingqiu didn't know what it was, the demon lord definitely had some kind of goal in mind with this. And if the goal wasn't mere torture, it obviously must be something much worse.

He really hoped he found some way to die before he found out just what it was.

XXX

As Luo Binghe wrapped bandages around deep claw marks in Shen Qingqiu's forearms, he gave some serious consideration to the idea that the former peak lord may have actually gone a bit insane at this point. When he'd found the wounds while undressing Shen Qingqiu for a bath, he'd immediately checked the man's meridians to see if he was in danger of having a qi deviation gain. While his qi wasn't entirely smooth, however, he didn't seem to be much closer to a qi deviation than he normally was.

Which meant that Shen Qingqiu had developed this particular habit separately from the qi deviation. It was unfortunate, as Luo Binghe had been hoping that the self-harm had been more a symptom of the building qi deviation and not of the man's slipping sanity. It meant that healing the qi deviation alone wasn't going to make it stop.

The wounds were deep, outrageously so for ones that, based upon the blood that had been caked beneath the man's nails, had in fact been created with his fingertips. They weren't close to life-threatening, but they were bloody and ugly and most likely stung quite a bit.

Shen Qingqiu, frozen again, was staring at him with a defiant look and said nothing even though he could. Luo Binghe wasn't sure if the scratching had been some vain and aborted attempt at killing himself or just something to annoy the demon lord.

Still, isn't it abnormal behavior for someone to do this, especially when the wounds weren't enough to kill him? Shen Qingqiu must know that the minor wounds he inflicted on himself, the only ones he could inflict, would come nowhere close to severe enough that he would die from them, especially with Luo Binghe around. So, the point may not even be to die. So what was it, then? If Shen Qingqiu was hurting himself like this solely out of spite, well, that was a sign of some mental ailment in itself. And if he was doing it just for the sake of the pain…

Either way, Luo Binghe was going to file his nails down to stubs and keep them that way from this point onward.

"Of all the reasons I tore off your arms," he said, a false lightness to the words. "I didn't think one of the purposes of not letting you have hands would be to stop you from hurting yourself."

Shen Qingqiu didn't reply.

He really must have twisted his Shizun in some way, then. Apparently, even if a broken toy was resurrected, the cracks wouldn't be entirely gone even when you got it back. Luo Binghe knew that he had broken Shen Qingqiu back then. He just hadn't realized that doing so would come back to bite him later, especially not under these circumstances.

Was there really a point in continuing with this? He had often wondered about it, especially in the few months that Shen Qingqiu had been back. He had done all of this because he'd gotten a tiny taste of his cruel, hateful Shizun being kind to him for once and decided that he wanted more. But the kind one rejected him, so he couldn't get more. The one who had been kind to him hadn't even been his- for all he knew, the events in that other world had played out differently, and that Shen Qingqiu was a different man than the one who sat before him. Maybe it wasn't ever really possible for Shen Qingqiu to love him; after all, even the kinder version rejected him. What was it about him that made Shen Qingqiu hate him so much?

He'd considered putting an end to this multiple times, with that 'end' ranging everywhere from killing Shen Qingqiu outright, to leaving him in the room to starve, to simply no longer going to see him and keeping him alive via his servants.

And yet, here he was, still continuing to try even though he hadn't made any progress.

Luo Binghe had put so much time and effort into this- for heaven's sake, just growing the new body had taken years! But it wasn't just a waste of time and energy. Luo Binghe had never really been one to give up. Failure wasn't an option, and no matter what the task was, he always ended up succeeding somehow. Even if only to himself, his own pride was on the line to some degree.

Except, to his surprise, he also realized that he didn't want to give up.

For whatever reason, he had convinced himself that this plan would work eventually, and he still somehow managed to get his hopes up despite every interaction proving it wouldn't. He never really had grown up from that naive little lamb who looked up to his teacher, had he? He'd already had Shen Qingqiu as a prisoner, as a victim, as an object to be toyed with and broken to his heart's content. And Luo Binghe had grown to be selfish over the years. It simply wasn't enough- he wanted his attention, his care, his heart. He wanted to have the man's heart in the palm of his hand, able to crush it easily, but choosing not to crush it because it was his decision and not because he couldn't do it. He wanted Shen Qingqiu to glare at him and spit at him, but for a small uptick to be visible in the corner of his mouth. He wanted the man to call him a 'beast' with a different voice than he used now.

He wanted to own him so thoroughly that the man could never escape, dead or alive- so thoroughly that the man couldn't even imagine leaving him or pushing him away, so thoroughly that Shen Qingqiu wouldn't know how to breathe, how to live, without Luo Binghe.

He wanted to choose whether he broke or remained whole.

But he didn't have that yet, so he finished wrapping the bandages and wondered what his next step should be as he slowly filed sharp nails dull.

XXX

This really is unrelenting angst. Shen Jiu really isn't gonna get a break ;w;