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He lost himself, then, deep in video games and oblivion, far gone in a world where there was no Major Lilywhite, no broken engagement, no broken anything. It was nice. Ravi coming in and yelling about the missing dog disturbed the fog a little, but mostly it just hung around him, hazy and comforting. It was a relief when they didn't find the dog, one less thing to worry about, one less reminder of … everything.

It was startling to come in the next day and find Ravi there with Minor, and to find out that the dog had returned to the park where Major had kidnapped his owner. It was—he didn't want to think about it. He didn't want to look in Ravi's face and see the anger and the disgust he saw there. He pushed it off with bluster and promises, but he didn't really want to get himself together, the way he'd promised to do. He didn't want to wake up and be Major Lilywhite again. He wanted—he wanted the fog back.

He left the house, heading downtown to the tunnels where the Utopium dealers hung out. He had to have more, to make everything go away again. He couldn't live with it all. No one could be expected to live with it all, he told himself.

In the tunnel, over a burning oil drum, he asked for the drugs. It had been weird the first couple of times, but now it was just what he did.

The dealer squinted at him, pulling his headphones off his head, the band tangled in his curly blond hair, and squinted some more. "Major?"

Major stared back at him, trying to place the face.

Laughing, the dealer called over his shoulder to his friend. "Get me a couple brain-busters on the house for this cat. We go way back to Helton Shelter."

Helton? This kid … Yes, he remembered him now. So, he had failed to get another boy off the street. Way to go, Major.

"This dude was tryin' to keep us off drugs." The dealer was still laughing, clapping Major on the arm like now they were the same. Well, hell, they were the same.

Major took the Utopium, staring at it like he had never seen it before. The dealer's laugh was ringing in his ears as he walked out of the tunnel.

His phone buzzed. It was Rita. Booty call. He should probably go. What else did he have to do?

Then he put the phone back in his pocket. What the hell was he doing? Drugs? Sex with someone he despised? Giving up on his career, his life—everything? You would think after all the boys he had counseled not to do exactly all of that, he would know better. He would be stronger. But he wasn't strong, not anymore. He hadn't been strong since he lost Liv. Oh, he had tried to move on, but … Nothing was right without her.

Which was no excuse. How could he have fallen so low that he could look one of his own boys in the face and ask him for drugs? That was not any Major Lilywhite that he recognized. And he knew now that after all the hiding, all the wrapping himself in fog and pretending not to be there, he wanted to be Major Lilywhite. He wanted … well, if he couldn't have Liv, he wanted his memories of her. If he couldn't have his career, he wanted to be the person who had wanted to help people, not this ... waste of space he had become.

Could he hunt zombies for Vaughn du Clark and still help people? He felt a chill shake him, the craving for the Utopium in his pocket. No, not like this. Not this guy. This guy couldn't find a way out of the box he was stuck in. But Major Lilywhite could.

And there was only one person out there who still knew who Major Lilywhite was, who still believed in him. He got in his car, driving there by sheer muscle memory, every instinct knowing where he was going.

He was almost too weary to stand by the time he knocked on her door. He didn't know what he would do if she wasn't there. Collapse, maybe. Fall down in a crumpled heap on the floor of the hallway.

But she was there, standing there in front of him. His Liv. The only thing that made sense anymore.

The words came from him even before he knew what he meant to say. "I need help."

And without a word, she reached for him, pulling him into her arms, as some part of him had known she would. He rested his head on her shoulder, feeling right for the first time in such a long, long time. She shifted her head to look at him, maybe to say something, and their lips met, soft and tender. They pulled back long enough to look at one another, and Major kissed her again, Liv responding eagerly. Like it should be. Like what had been missing all these months. Like everything setting itself right again. Like coming home.