Tommy knew that he was running out of time. He wished that he could stay in that moment forever. He wished he didn't have to go back to Birmingham and could just stay on that beach, the wind cold and whipping around him. The smell of the sea washed into his nostrils and he enjoyed the way it took his breath away. It was the last day of the holiday and so he knew what he had to do. He had to tell Charlotte. James had been on edge the entire time, watching his sister as she walked around with no idea that something was wrong. She had no idea that when they returned to Birmingham that would be it. Ada was still in Birmingham and looking after the business. She'd bought a house in the suburbs and was living there with her sons who, Tommy knew, were a handful. Karl definitely was. He just hoped she wouldn't mind two more intruding on her life.
But he trusted Ada. If anyone was going to be gatekeeper then he wanted his sister there. She was responsible. She was clever. She was strong. She also adored Charlotte more than anything and Tommy wondered if that was because she was a girl. Tommy saw some of Ada in Charlotte. She was definitely Liz's daughter, but there was some Shelby in her somewhere.
"You've been quiet all morning."
Tommy had taken Charlotte out for a walk that morning. They'd had eggs for breakfast and James had excused himself, claiming that he had a headache but he knew that Tommy wanted to tell his daughter by himself and so he was giving them time alone. Charlotte had been moving along the beach, crouching down and looking for particular rocks. She turned to look to her father, curly hair flying around her face in the wind. She tried to tuck it behind her ears as she tilted her head questioningly. Her red coat was buttoned up to her chin and she was wearing plaid trousers that were whipping around her skinny legs.
"I know," Tommy said to her. "I need to talk to yer, alright?"
"What is it?" Charlotte wondered and Tommy fell to sit down in the sand, not caring that it would stick to his expensive coat. Charlotte sat next to him, legs bent upwards to her chest. Tommy sat up and reached for a cigarette from his pocket. Lighting it up, he took a drag and glanced at the tide crashing against the shore. The beach was empty once more. He could make out some figures in the distance: a man walking his dog; a nanny trying to keep two children under control.
"This isn't going to be easy to 'ear, Charlotte," Tommy said, unable to look his daughter in the eye. He didn't want to do this. He knew what was going to come. He'd laid in bed at night and imagined his daughter's reaction and he was scared. He wasn't ashamed to admit that he was scared. "And I know what I'm goin' to tell yer is goin' to upset yer…and I'm sorry. I am so sorry I 'ave to tell yer, but I want yer to know. I need yer to know."
"You're scaring me, dad," Charlotte confessed and Tommy stubbed his cigarette out next to him in the sand and flicked it off to the side.
Finally, he looked to his daughter and all he saw was his wife staring back at him. He blinked rapidly, trying to stem the tears that threatened to spill from his eyes. He couldn't cry. He couldn't let emotion get the better of him. He had to be strong, but he just didn't know how to be. He exhaled a sharp breath, his chest clenching and his throat tightening.
"I'm sick, sweetheart," Tommy said to his daughter and her brows furrowed together. "I'm really sick and the doctors say that there's nothin' they can do for me."
Her face contorted and Tommy could tell that she was trying to understand what he was saying. His throat continued to clench and he felt a burning as Charlotte shook her head, slowly starting to realise what he was trying to tell her. He knew that it would be easier if he just came out with it and told her, but he couldn't. He just couldn't find the words to tell her as he looked into her face.
"There has to be something," she said, her voice filled with determination. "I know that there has to be. You…there's medicine…dad…things have changed."
"Not for tuberculosis, my darling," Tommy replied in a soft whisper and Charlotte continued shaking her head. "I didn't know how to tell yer, Charlotte…but I 'ad to tell yer because yer deserve to know and I don't want yer to think that I'm abandonin' yer because I would never do that. I would never leave yer if I didn't 'ave to."
Charlotte was struggling to comprehend what he was saying and she looked him in the eye, moving to kneel in front of him. He adjusted himself so that he was moving his arms around her, hauling her into his grip as she clung onto him. His hand cupped the back of her head and she buried her face against his shoulder and cried.
"You can't," she cried against him, her body shaking. Tommy tried to keep his emotions in check. He wanted to be strong for her. "Dad…you can't…" was all she could say to him, her voice wavering and grip increasing on him. "Please. Please, daddy."
Tommy gripped onto her tighter then, his own throat constricting and his tears now dripping down his cheeks as he cried. He didn't want to cry. He wanted to be strong, but he just didn't know how to be. He didn't know how to control his emotions when his daughter was sobbing in front of him.
"I'm sorry, sweetheart," Tommy whispered against her hair. "I'm so sorry."
"I love you," she said and those three words almost destroyed him. "I love you…please don't…please…"
"Listen to me," Tommy pulled back from her, looking her in the eye. Her cheeks were stained red and her eyes were also wet. She sniffed and Tommy moved his fingers to tuck her hair behind her ears to stop it from getting stuck against her skin. "I know that this is 'ard, alright? But I'm sick, Charlotte. I'm sick and I need to go away…I need to leave…because I'm goin' to get very ill and I don't want yer to see me like that. I don't want yer to be around me when I get like that."
Charlotte shook her head quickly. "I don't want you to go," she said.
"I don't want to go either, darling," he replied. "But I 'ave to, alright? I 'ave to go…and yer…yer goin' to 'ave James. He's goin' to look after yer with Aunt Ada. They're goin' to look after yer and I know yer goin' to grow up and be a doctor. Yer so clever…and yer can do what yer want. I know it, alright? Yer always goin' to be my little girl…my clever, little girl."
She kept crying and Tommy wished there was a way to take her pain away. But he knew he couldn't. He knew that this was why he was leaving. He was leaving because he couldn't subject her to months of this. He knew it would hurt initially, but it was better than prolonging the inevitable. He didn't want to go. He didn't want to leave them. But it was the right thing to do and he knew it. He knew that he had to go.
"Please," she tried to plead with him. "Please don't leave me. I can look after you. I promise."
"I know you could," Tommy said, his hand cupping her cheek and stroking it softly. "But I can't ask yer to do that. It's not fair."
"I don't want you to go," Charlotte said, voice breaking as she struggled to talk. "I don't want you to go…please…"
"I'm sorry, Charlotte," was all he could offer her as he drew her back into his arms. "I'm so sorry."
He kept hold of her as he stood up and picked her up. She was getting heavier, but he didn't care. Her arms wrapped around his neck as he kept his around her waist and she cried against him as he glanced out to the sea in the distance, wondering just what was waiting for him in the next life.
….
James was sat in the bar of the hotel when Tommy came back down. He had a glass of whiskey in front of him, but it looked untouched. Tommy moved towards the table in the corner of the bar and sat down on the chair opposite James. The bar was relatively quiet, but there was a soft hum of people talking in their own corners. Tommy unbuttoned the top button of his shirt and tugged on his tie. Reaching for the glass in front of James, he took hold of it and downed it in one.
Leaning on the table with his arms folded, James had his shirt sleeves rolled up to his elbows and hadn't bothered with a tie. His hair was slicked back on top of his head and his face was pale.
"You told her?" he asked from Tommy.
"She's sleepin' upstairs…she was exhausted," Tommy said to his son, not answering his question directly but knowing that he didn't need to. He took a moment to consider precisely what he should say next, but he didn't know.
"Stupid question, but 'ow is she?" James questioned.
"I…I don't even know," Tommy replied and set the empty glass down on the sticky table. "She's goin' to need yer, James."
"We both know I'm not the one she needs," James retorted.
"No, but you're the only one she has," he said to him. "That gives me some comfort. I know she 'as Ada…but Arthur is in no fit state to look after his own kid. Finn can't stand me. It's not the same…but you…she has a brother who loves 'er and that helps. It helps slightly."
"How can you say that?" James enquired from Tommy.
"Because it's true," Tommy replied. "If she didn't 'ave yer then I don't know what I'd 'ave done. I know it's a lot to put on you, James. I understand that. But yer are goin' to be the man of the 'ouse now."
"It's too much," James gasped out in a breath. "I don't know 'ow to do it. I don't know what to do. I need yer. Yer don't…my parents never loved me…and then mum found me. She took me in and yer adopted me. I can't lose my parents again."
"I know, son," Tommy said. "But yer need to understand that yer not losin' us like yer lost yer birth parents. We love yer, okay? We will always love yer…me and yer mum. We adore yer."
James sniffed and wiped his nose with the back of his hand. Shaking his head, he did his best to remain composed, but he was struggling. He knew that he had to be strong now, but that didn't mean he wasn't going to have moments of weakness.
"When do we go back?" he questioned.
"Tomorrow," Tommy said. "I 'ave some business to finish off."
…
Finn had gone missing. He was no longer in Birmingham and Tommy had it on good authority that he was in London. Going into the offices of the business, Tommy unlocked his office door as the morning broke. They were still staying in the Midland, but Tommy had intended on leaving the following morning. He first had to see Arthur and then Ada. He wanted to go before his children woke up the next day. He knew that they would try to persuade him to stay and he told himself that leaving them was a blessing.
"When were yer goin' to tell me?"
Arthur's voice slurred into Tommy's ears. He stepped into his office and shrugged out of his coat. He hung it on the rack in the corner and dropped his hands to his hips. Arthur was sat behind Tommy's desk and holding onto a piece of paper. No doubt it was Tommy's medical letter.
"How did yer find that?" Tommy questioned his brother. He moved towards his desk and Arthur stood up, vacating his brother's seat and Tommy stepped behind it, looking down at all of the paperwork laid out that he had to deal with.
"I stole yer keys," Arthur said to his brother, dropping the letter onto his desk. "Tuberculoma…in your brain."
"Yeah," Tommy said, acting nonchalant. He moved to grab hold of the letter from Arthur and folded it up, dropping it down onto his desk. "I've done all that I 'ave to do." He kept shifting through the papers as Arthur's fingers jittered by his sides.
"Fuck you, Tommy," he said and Tommy had to confess he had expected this from his brother.
"I don't need anyone to know, Arthur," Tommy said to his brother, looking up fleetingly and glancing over to him before going back to his paperwork.
"No?" Arthur asked, annoyance in his voice. "Yer don't need anyone to know? Yer never need anything, do yer, Tommy?"
"No, I don't need anything," Tommy agreed. "How long 'ave we been dead for, eh? You and me? How long? At least now I'll 'ave a certificate," he said, hands resting on his desk as he leant over it slightly. Arthur scoffed at him. "Wherever it is, I'll get the drinks in and I'll wait for you, alright? All them bullets that missed…it's funny, Arthur. It's funny, is what it is," Tommy continued and Arthur sat down in the chair, almost like his legs couldn't hold him any longer. "So you don't fucking weep for me."
"Weep," Arthur repeated the word and kicked Tommy's desk in front of him, some of the papers moving and a photo frame falling. Tommy reached over to pick the frame up. Elizabeth's smiling face greeted him back and he quickly averted his gaze.
"When I 'ave sorted business then I will take myself away…on my own," Tommy said, telling his brother his intention. "I don't want anyone…anyone who may or may not love me to see me crawl or grow insane or helpless. It would be a cruelty to me and to them…and by the time people know the truth, I'll be gone?"
"What about yer daughter?" Arthur wondered and Tommy sniffed. "'Ave yer told yer little girl this?"
"I have some papers I need yer to sign," Tommy declared and reached into his document wallet. "I'm workin' with the housin' minister and I will be allocating constructions for ten million pounds."
"'Ave yer told Charlotte?"
"Some of the contracts I will be allocating are with companies in which we have an interest so the Shelby Company Limited will continue to earn money," Tommy said and Arthur stood up once more. "But mostly, Arthur, I'm doin' it because it's a good thing…for ordinary working people in the interests of a fairer future. I've dealt with Michael in Canada and we now have five million pounds that will be shared amongst the Shelby family."
"Five million pounds!" Arthur exclaimed, arms extending wide as he stumbled backwards, voice rising as Tommy matched him.
"Instead of me there will be money because for most of the people who are close to me, that is what I am!" Tommy exclaimed then. "That is my agency." He sank back down into his chair and Arthur shook his head, rolling his eyes.
"Is that all you think you are, eh?" he questioned from his brother. "Yer think yer just money? Is that what yer wife saw yer as? The woman who married yer when yer 'ad nothin'? The woman who loved yer since she was a girl? And yer daughter? Yer think Charlotte just sees yer as money? And James?"
Tommy remained silent, reaching into his pocket for a cigarette. But Arthur was advancing towards him.
"Stand up," he demanded from him. Tommy remained seated. "Stand up. On yer feet," he demanded, kicking the side of his chair and Tommy lifted his cigarette out of the way.
"Arthur," he spoke his name.
"On yer feet, soldier," Arthur demanded. "On yer feet. Stand the fuck up! Come 'ere!" he demanded from him. Arthur grabbed hold of Tommy and forced him to stand up. The two men tousled with each other, grabbing hold of the lapels of their jackets. But Arthur was easy to overpower. Tommy managed to push him from him.
"Enough!" Tommy snapped as Arthur fell to the ground and he pointed at him. "Enough!" he snapped again, cigarette lost on the floor. "But now yer know. And yer tell no one else until I'm gone," Tommy said to him.
"Until you're gone?" Arthur questioned and he forced himself to stand up again, using the table as a crutch to help him.
"When the time comes, I'll call yer," Tommy said to his brother. "I'll tell yer where. It will be a wagon. You come with James…keep Charlotte away…"
"Fuck you!" Arthur yelled at him, pointing at him. "And your fucking plans!"
His yells echoed round the room and Tommy moved towards the other end of the room. He needed to move. He couldn't stand still. He watched as Arthur moved to the drink's trolley in the corner and Tommy knew he was broken. The photo of John on the wall stared down at him and Arthur looked into his brother's eyes and realised that he was going to be alone. He was going to be the last one there. And Tommy knew that what he was feeling was despair and he understand it entirely. He moved to his brother and took hold of him, embracing him tightly and holding him in his grip. Arthur clung onto him, sobbing once more and Tommy wondered just how much more his family could take.
…
"You know, yer never goin' to beat 'er at chess," Tommy said to James.
The three of them were sat in the Midland that night, the fire roaring and the lamps dimmed. Charlotte was sat on the floor, legs crossed as her father sat behind her, glass of whiskey in his hands. James was sat on the other side of the coffee table where the chessboard perched. He was biting down on his tongue as he tried to concentrate, realising that Charlotte almost had him in check.
"He likes to think that he can," Charlotte retorted. "But whatever move he makes is futile."
"Are yer like some kind of chess champion?" James wondered from his sister.
"No, just better than you," she retorted and Tommy chuckled, taking a sip of his drink and leaning forwards, looking at the board. He'd felt exhausted all day. He'd had a long day with Arthur and then going to Ada's and getting her to sign papers she didn't entirely understand. He hadn't told her what was happening, but he intended on leaving her a letter. It had been hard enough telling Arthur and he didn't know if he had the heart to tell his sister.
Charlotte and James had gone out for a walk while Tommy had been dealing with business. They'd med back at the hotel and had dinner together before going to the suite and playing chess.
"Is there any way for me out of this?" James questioned from his sister.
"I'd just quit now," Charlotte said to him and he rolled his eyes, but he did as she had said, moving his piece into a vulnerable position and letting her finish the game. "Checkmate," she declared.
"One day I'll be better than you," James warned her.
"I doubt it," Charlotte retorted.
"I wouldn't," James said and Tommy's lips continued to arch, a sad smile on his face. He didn't think he was ready to let this go. He knew he wasn't, but he had to. He was delaying the inevitable.
"Right, it's time for bed," Tommy declared and Charlotte groaned lowly. "Don't give me any of that. Yer 'ave 'ad a long day and yer need to rest."
Charlotte reluctantly moved to her feet and headed to the bedroom to get ready for bed. He would go and see her before she went to sleep. James moved from the floor and stood up, sitting down in the armchair across from Tommy, folding one leg over the other. James watched his father attentively.
"Yer alright?" he asked.
Tommy nodded and moved to his feet, going to pour himself another glass of whiskey. He held it in his fingers, swirling the liquid round. "Yeah," he answered his son.
"Yer sure?" James asked. "Becauser yer 'ave been lookin' melancholy all night."
"Just goin' to miss this," Tommy confessed. "Miss seein' yer two messin' around."
"Yer don't 'ave to go," James said.
"I do, son," Tommy retorted, draining the liquid from his glass. "But that's a conversation for another day."
The two of them lapsed into silence and James nodded his head once. Moving to his feet, he looked to his father and he knew something was wrong. "I'm goin' to bed," he declared. "I'll see you in the morning."
"Yeah," Tommy said and James began to move by him.
Tommy reached out, a hand going to his shoulder and he took hold of it, squeezing it firmly. Tommy looked him in the eye, his expression stern and his nose wrinkling slightly.
"Yer a good kid," he said to his son. "Never forget that, alright?"
"I love yer, dad…for everythin' yer 'ave done for me…I love yer."
Tommy could only nod as James sniffed loudly and headed towards the bedroom. Tommy listened to the door close before he went to Charlotte's room. He knocked once and stepped inside to see that she was sat up in bed, lamp burning and casting shadows on the walls. He went to her bed and sat down on the side of it, leaning forwards with his hands clasped.
"You don't need to pretend," Charlotte said to her father, tucking her hair behind her ears. "I know you're trying to pretend that everything is okay, but we know it's not."
"I'm not pretending," Tommy promised his daughter and looked to her. "This is what I wanted, alright? I wanted to spend time with both of yer…and James…he's always goin' to be there for yer."
"I thought that you and mum would be," Charlotte whispered.
"So did we, sweetheart," Tommy said.
"It's not fair, dad," Charlotte said and Tommy knew that life was unfair. It was the one thing he was sure of. "Mum…and now you…I prayed that it would be different. I prayed and it never worked."
"Sometimes it doesn't, Charlotte," Tommy responded. "But I'm alright, okay? I'm alright because I 'ad you…yer mother…James…I'm not scared, sweetheart," Tommy said, half telling her the truth. "I'm not scared and I don't want yer to be scared for me, alright? I know yer goin' to be sad, but…in time…yer will be alright. Yer will always make me and yer mother proud."
Charlotte scrambled towards her father and took hold of him, clinging onto him and embracing him tightly. He held her back, his arms wrapping around her and constricting tightly as he relished her in his arms for the last time. He didn't want to think that, but he knew it had to be that way. He kissed the top of her head tenderly and looked up over the top of her head.
He saw her there. Elizabeth was stood in the doorway, arms folded and hip against the frame. A sad smile was on her face as her eyes met her husband's. She nodded her head once and whispered to him softly.
"It's alright, Tommy, it's all going to be alright," she spoke into the room for only him to hear.
He nodded his head once and pulled back, hands holding Charlotte's cheeks and he kissed her forehead.
"Get some sleep, Charlotte," he urged from her. "I'll see yer in the mornin'."
Charlotte just nodded her head weakly. "I love you, dad," she said.
"I love you too, sweetheart," he said and he kissed her once more on the top of her head. "Now, get some sleep," he urged and he stood up, tucking her into her bed. He looked at her as he turned to leave and before he closed the door. He stepped out into the living room and went back to the whiskey bottle.
He took another glass and sat down on the couch once more. He drank his glass of whiskey slowly as the clock ticked by slowly. He just sat and he waited. When the clock struck three, he moved to his feet and sniffed. Placing the glass down on the coffee table, he went to check on his kids. James was fast asleep, one leg dangling over the side of the bed and face planted down in the pillow. He then moved to Charlotte's room and looked in her. She had the quilt pulled up to her chin.
Content that they were asleep, Tommy reached for his cap and his coat. He shrugged into them and left the letter he had written on the coffee table. He glanced to the door and saw Elizabeth again. She was wearing a dark green dress, her green coat hanging open over her shoulders. Meeting his wife's eye, Tommy found his gaze clouded with tears.
"Stay with me?" he asked from his wife.
Elizabeth held her hand out towards him, a soft smile on her pale face and she tilted her head to the side. "Always," she promised him.
Tommy moved to her, his fingers slipping into hers as he opened the door to the hotel room and the two of them left together. He didn't look back, scared that his resolved would break if he did.
...
A/N: So just one more chapter to go...and then the story is finished. But we might be getting a movie so who knows?! I would love to know what you think!