x Ron x

A watched egg never cooks. Is that the saying? Ron doesn't know — he's terrible at idioms and shit. If it's not a saying, it's definitely accurate.

He stands in front of the stove, waiting for his egg to fry. It's taking forever, and he's tempted to just leave it there, but maybe then he'd burn the whole loft down. That, or Vicky would eat it.

Vicky's here this morning, just like he was here yesterday morning. And the morning before that. It almost feels like they have another roommate, one that doesn't pay rent and that Ron didn't choose. Well, he didn't choose Hermione either, but that worked out. Sort of.

Ever since Hermione and Victor became 'official', they've spent almost every waking moment together. Ron comes home after work, Krum is here. He wakes up in the morning, Krum is still here. The only time Krum seems to spend outside of the apartment is between the hours of 9-5, and one hour at night, 8-9 pm, on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

Whenever Ron has asked where he goes, he gets all weird and quiet. Whenever he asks Hermione, she doesn't seem to know or care.

"Honestly, Ron, it's important for couples to spend time apart."

"But Hermione, do you know where he goes?"

"No, because I respect his privacy."

Why is Vicky the only one in this loft entitled to privacy? He often wonders when someone empties the laundry machine and leaves a trail of socks and underwear across the living room floor, or late at night when he can hear his roommates' beds creaking, knowing they brought home a companion, a poor soul who has no idea how thin the walls are.

It begs the question, what kind of dark shit is Krum getting up to between the hours of 8 and 9pm on Tuesdays and Thursdays if he can't even tell his girlfriend about it?

Maybe he has an embarrassing hobby. Or a gambling addiction. Or a second girlfriend.

Ron tries to ignore his heart's fluttering in response to the last thought. What sort of friend would hope for that kind of thing?

"You might want to turn the stove on," comes a gruff voice, interrupting Ron's thoughts. "Or your egg will never cook."

With a groan, Ron flicks on the burner.

"Are you okay?" asks Krum as he takes a seat at the kitchen counter. "You seem distracted."

Ron glances back at his unwelcome roommate. His thick robe hangs loosely around his waist, forming a deep v neck that exposes Krum's chiseled pecs and chest hair. Why can't the dude just cover himself up a bit?

"M'fine."

"Okay then. Look, I'm going to be out of town for the weekend—"

"You don't have to tell me that," interrupts Ron.

"Sorry?"

"You don't even live here, so you don't have to tell us when you'll be out."

Ron keeps his back to Krum as he lets the awkward pause wash over. Sure, maybe he should be nicer to the guy, but someone should gently tell him he's overstaying his welcome. Hermione won't.

"I was just going to ask if I could keep my car out front. Sometimes I get towed if I leave it out at my apartment—"

"Yeah. That's fine."

"Great," says Krum as he rises to his feet and turns back toward Hermione's room. "Thanks."

"Where are you going this weekend?"

"Nowhere." The sound of Hermione's door closing punctuates Krum's response.

Hmm. Very odd.

Moments later, Harry appears from his bedroom door, still disheveled in his pajamas. "What's got you down?"

"Vicky."

"What about Viktor?"

"I'm telling you, he's giving me the creeps."

Harry chuckles. "Since when?"

"The cabin trip we all went on."

Harry lets a full laugh escape, as he responds. "You're ridiculous. He never bothered you before."

"I think he's cheating on Hermione."

Harry's eyes narrow and glances toward Hermione's bedroom. "She doesn't deserve that, but how do you know?"

"Gut feeling."

"Ron—"

"I think if I went to his place, I'd find proof." Ron raises an eyebrow at his friend, who violently shakes his head.

"No."

"Please come with me? I'll give you free beer."

"No. Plus you always give me free beer."

Ron shrugs. "I'm going alone then. He'll be out of town this weekend, and it's the perfect opportunity to just check in."

Harry groans. "You're going to force my hand aren't you?"

"Just come with me and make sure I don't do anything unreasonable?"

"Going in the first place is unreasonable."

"Still gonna do it."

Ron knows that Harry can't resist a little bit of mischief, so all he has to do is wait him out. Ninety percent of the unreasonable things Ron has done in his life have involved his best friend.

Like clockwork, Harry raises an eyebrow. "Okay. When are you going?"

"Tomorrow morning, after Krum leaves town."

Harry groans. "You know this is a terrible idea?"

"Yes. But I don't care."

"We're not going to do anything illegal, right?"

Ron imagines what exactly they'll do tomorrow — show up at Krum's apartment and just open the door? If Vicky's dumb enough to leave his door unlocked while he's out of town, then sure. But he's definitely not dumb. If he was, Hermione would be staying far far away from him, and yet, here they are. It won't be the first time Ron has snuck into a window. He was a horny teenager with a girlfriend and strict parents before, and crowbars are quite effective.

"No, of course we won't do anything illegal."

Harry nods. "Then fine," he says, the reluctance in his voice rather light.

"Knew I could count on you."

x

It doesn't take long for Ron and Harry to locate Viktor's address — the internet is a wonderful invention. They pull up to his street and emerge from the car. On Ron's back is a bag equipped with a crowbar, a rope, and a clipboard. Ron's found that holding a clipboard is the best way to look like you're supposed to be there.

"None of this makes sense, mate."

"Sure it does."

As Ron shuffles along the pavement of an unfamiliar neighborhood, Harry trots behind him in an effort to keep up.

"You have no evidence that he's cheating."

"That's why we're doing this. To find some."

"Ugh."

Harry and Ron eventually stumble to the front porch of Viktor Krum's duplex. It is larger than expected, but slightly run-down. The grass in the front lawn needs to be mowed, and on the front porch sit two pots that once housed plants, maybe. By the looks of it, no one has watered them in years. The paint is peeling off of the siding, and one of the stairs on the front stoop has rotted through. Even though their loft is still rather dumpy, Viktor's makes it look like a castle.

"No wonder he's always staying at our apartment."

Ron peers around to the side of the house. A cracked window reveals an unmade bed inside. From his research, Ron knows that Krum lives in the first apartment on the left.

"We're going in through the window."

"Breaking and entering, cool," grumbles Harry.

"Just entering. No need to break."

Harry and Ron tiptoe across the overgrown grass and when they reach the window, it takes both of them to wedge it up high enough for them to fit through. Harry props Ron up and he slithers head-first into Viktor Krum's bedroom. Harry follows, and both boys land in a thud on the carpet of the darkened room.

"You'd think he'd be able to afford a nicer place," says Ron.

"Maybe he's saving for an engagement ring or something," sniggers Harry.

"Fuck mate, why would you say that?"

"To watch you squirm."

Harry and Ron get to searching Krum's apartment, flipping over couch cushions and rummaging through bookshelves looking for something — anything — that might belong to a girl who isn't Hermione. Jewelry, clothing, makeup, perfume. One sniff and Ron would surely be able to tell if the perfume is hers.

"What's this?" Harry's voice travels from a smaller room attached to the living area. Ron peers inside to find a cluttered desk next to a bookshelf. Lining the shelf is a collection of Agatha Christie and Stephen King novels, and writing utensils galore. Harry is standing at the desk with a thick binder in his hands. "I think it's a story."

"Let me read it." Ron yanks the binder from Harry's hands and turns to a random page.

"She was dead. So very dead. The way her bushy brown hair splayed across the ground and nearly blended in with the fallen leaves made her look so natural in that state, like she was finally at peace. But her eyes were open, revealing the look of shock in her face. But there was something else there. Recognition. Betrayal.

Her hand still clutched the stab wound in her stomach, and Special Agent Reid knew that her stomach lining wasn't the only thing that had recently been broken. So had her heart.

Clearly, she knew her killer. And most likely, if statistics proved to be true — and Spencer Reid always trusted statistics — it was her lover."

"What the fuck is this?" splutters Ron.

Harry laughs. "I don't know, but I'd be embarrassed if someone found that at my desk. I think he's just writing. Special Agent Reid is a character on Criminal Minds."

"Yeah, and the dead girl with bushy brown hair is clearly Hermione."

"It appears to be fanfiction."

Who the fuck writes fanfiction? "Oddly specific fanfiction."

"I don't think it's anything to be concerned about," shrugs Harry. "It's probably just a creative outlet."

"She was killed by her lover, Harry."

"We should probably go," says Harry. "I'm nervous someone saw us sneaking in here, and we can't find what we're looking for."

Can't find what we're looking for? What the fuck is he talking about? "Harry, we've found something much worse than what we're looking for."

"Fanfiction?"

"No, evidence that he thinks about killing Hermione."

"He doesn't think about that, Ron. He's just writing."

"Why aren't you more concerned about this?"

"Honestly?" Harry shrugs. "Because he's not a bad guy. He treats Hermione well. He's kind. And we just discovered an embarrassing secret of his and should probably keep it to ourselves."

"Don't you think we should tell her and let her decide if it's concerning?"

"Hermione's a grown woman who can take care of herself."

Ron sighs. He pulls his phone from his pocket and snaps a picture of the open page of Krum's story. "Well I'm going to tell her."

"How are you going to explain why we were in his apartment?"

"Dunno."

"Want my opinion, Ron?"

No. Not really. Ron decides not to answer, but Harry continues anyway.

"Leave her alone. It really feels like you want him to be cheating on her. Or to, I dunno, be plotting to murder her." He gestures to the binder when he emphasizes the word. "See how ridiculous it sounds when I say it?"

Ron has to admit that Harry has a point.

"I know you care about her, so stop sabotaging your friendship by meddling in her relationship."

Ron grunts. "When did you become so good at relationships?"

Harry gets a strange look in his eye. "Well, if you must know—"

"No, I don't need to know," grumbles Ron, as the memory of Harry and Ginny holding hands flashes across his mind.

"Fair enough," says Harry with a smile. "Let's get out of here before we get caught?"

"Yeah," agrees Ron . Probably a good idea.

x

Hours later, Ron is cleaning glasses at the Burrow while Harry sits across from him at the bar, picking at a pile of french fries in front of him. "I still can't believe we snuck into his house."

"I can," says Ron with a shrug. Honestly, it felt a lot like storming Cormac for Hermione's belongings when she first moved in. Some people make Ron want to throw logic out the window.

"You're an awful influence, Ron."

No, Hermione's the awful influence. Ron turns to stack newly washed glasses on the shelf at the back of the bar. He is definitely being unreasonable. Hermione, in no way shape or form, caused him to break into Krum's apartment. It was his concern for her that did. Because he cares. Plus, even if Harry doesn't agree, if you ask Ron, they found what they were looking for.

"Hello, roommates." Hermione's voice echoes from the front door. It's only three o'clock, and the bar doesn't pick up until later, and the lack of people in the room makes Hermione's presence seem all that much stronger.

"Oh, hi Hermione," says Ron.

"Hey, Hermione. Good to see ya," says Harry. "Also, I'm going to be late to meet Gin, so see you back at the loft later—"

"I didn't know you were hanging out with Ginny today."

Harry pushes his half-eaten french fries out of the way and rises to his feet. "Bye!"

Hermione takes his empty chair, and both of them watch Harry scuffle out the front door with an extra pep in his step.

"That was weird," says Hermione with a shrug.

"Yeah."

She pulls Harry's plate of french fries closer to her, and plucks at one. "So what did you two do today?"

"Nothing, really."

"Really? I just didn't see either of you at the loft."

Ron avoids her eye contact and shrugs. "Guy stuff."

"Right," she says, while she cocks her head to the side, studying him. "So are you working till close?"

"Yep." Ron feels a pang of guilt at how terse his answers are. Ever since the cabin, he's been quite short with her. He tells himself he's just giving her space, but deep down, he knows it goes beyond that.

Hermione persists. "Mind if I hang out here for a while? Obviously Ginny's busy with Harry and Viktor's gone for the weekend."

"Sure," he says. Then, willing himself to keep the conversation flowing, he adds "You still don't know where Viktor is this weekend?"

Hermione hesitates before answering. "Just on a trip."

So she does know where he is? Or maybe she doesn't and it worries her.

Overwhelmed with a desire to come clean, Ron turns back to her. "Can I tell you something, and you promise you won't get mad at me?"

Hermione seems to brighten at the fact that his answer is longer than one word. "No, I can't promise that, Ron. But please tell me."

Ron groans. He shouldn't say anything. But he does. "He gives me a weird vibe. Something's off."

"Of course he does," says Hermione, rolling her eyes.

"What does that mean?" asks Ron, his defenses rising.

"Seriously, Ron?" she asks, her voice incredulous. "Tell me, Ron, see that guy in the booth?"

Ron follows her gesture to one of the only other patrons currently in the bar — a middle aged man reading a book and sipping an IPA. "Yes."
"Does he give you a weird vibe?"

"No, not really."

"If I were to walk over to him and snog him, would he then give you a weird vibe?"

What kind of question is that? "Yes, but because he's willing to snog a stranger in a bar—"

"You're not willing to snog strangers at bars?" Ron's mind darts back to Lavender. Sure, he was willing to snog strangers at bars, but they all know how that turned out.

"Okay, what are you saying?"

"I know we're dancing around it Ron. It's the elephant in the room."

The hair on Ron's arm tingles as it stands on edge. The last thing he expects is for Hermione to actually name the elephant in the room. Does this mean she's about to shut him down once and for all? Tell him she's happy with Krum? And that he should fuck off? Well, Fuck.

"Okay, but—"

"I love being your friend and your roommate, I'm in a stable relationship, and not willing to change that right now."

Shit.

Hermione continues. "Will Viktor and I marry each other? Probably not. But at this point in my life, this is what I need."

So, Hermione thinks Ron is pining uncontrollably for her? Is that how it is? "I didn't break up with Lavender because of you, you know."

"Oh, I know."

Does she know, though?

"And that is not why Krum gives me a vibe."

She laughs. "Okay, why then?"

Ron groans. He really shouldn't show her. Even if she thinks he found it at the loft, she'd probably just get angry at him for going through his things. But, for some reason, he can't resist. "I found this today."

Ron pulls his phone from his pocket and clicks through his photos. When the photo of Krum's little story surfaces, he slides his phone to her across the bar.

Hermione picks it up and her eyebrows narrow to the text. "Where did you find this, Ron?"

What can he say? On his desk. In his apartment. The one I broke into earlier. "He left it out," says Ron. It's technically not a lie.

"That's an invasion of his privacy," says Hermione, coldly.

"Does it not concern you?"

Hermione shrugs. "Honestly, no, it doesn't. He's already shown me."

"What?"

Hermione contemplates before giving up more details. "He's taking a creative writing class, and this was one of his assignments," she says, gesturing to Ron's phone. "To write a fanfiction story from his favorite show. And he loves Criminal Minds."

"Are you serious?" Harry was fucking right.

"Yes, it's what he does every Tuesday and Thursday night. And that's where he is now, actually, at a writing retreat."

"So he's like… serious about writing?"

Hermione shrugs.

"It doesn't bother you that you're the dead girl in that story?"

"Not really, no."

"And that you were killed by your lover?"

Hermione laughs but shakes her head.

"It's not very good." He's definitely grasping at straws now.

"I know that," says Hermione. Ron's pleasantly surprised that she agrees with him.

"Why does he do it?"

"He enjoys it. Isn't that enough?" Finishing off Harry's old fries, Hermione wipes her hand on a napkin. "Can I have a cream ale?"

"Sure," says Ron as he reaches for a pint glass. "So you're confident that he doesn't want to kill you?"

Hermione laughs. "No, he doesn't, thank god."

"He's not going to break your stomach lining and then your heart?"

"Okay," groans Hermione. "Don't be mean."

Ron hands her the dripping cream ale. She smiles and takes it from him, her cheeks tinging pink with what Ron presumes is secondhand embarrassment. Honestly, it's quite nice that she supports him, even though his hobby is a bit weird. It's what Ron would call a green flag. Krum is a lucky bastard.

"My heart isn't breakable right now, anyway," she adds, before taking a sip of the foam layer at the top of her beer.

Ron cocks an eyebrow.

"Still have too many walls up, you know."

"Oh I know, you're a total ice queen."

Hermione laughs, and Ron feels himself relax. It was a tough few days of not speaking freely with her.

"Thank you for talking to me. I missed having you as my friend," she says.

The way she emphasizes friend sits strangely with Ron. As though she's dictating the specific role she wants him to play right now. For some reason, it doesn't feel quite like being friendzoned, and he can't figure out why. There's something temporary about the way she says friend.

Or is he reading way too much into that? He doesn't want to be her friend. And yet, he loves being her friend. How does that even make sense?

"Right," says Ron, cautiously. "So if I wanted to write bad fanfiction, would you support me? As a friend?"

"Of course!" says Hermione cheerfully. "I'd beta read for you."

"Well then, maybe I'll take up the habit. Show you I have other talents besides giving you free beer and being your attractive roommate."

Hermione rolls her eyes, yet a smile graces her lips. "I bet you'd be a good writer," she says as she gulps down the last of her beer.

"Maybe you'll find out. Want another beer?"

"Sure!"

Ron pulls her glass away and refills it under the tap. This is definitely the weirdest friendship he has. But he'll play along.

For now.

x

It is far too late when Ron finally makes it home from the bar, and as much as he wants to sleep, he's too wired from his conversation before. He strips down to his boxers and collapses into the bed. Although he would love to continue talking with Hermione, there are no signs of life in any of the bedrooms, so it's a safe bet that everyone in the loft is asleep.

Ron turns to his side and reaches his phone on his bedside table. Without a second thought, he starts typing away. Hopefully Hermione has her text notifications on silent. There is no reason she can't have two story tellers in her life.

"She was about 5'6, had brown eyes, and wore a Hamilton t-shirt. She loved to watch romantic comedies and was a total coffee snob, even though she couldn't tell the difference between a cappuccino and a latte. Her sultry gaze and bushy brown hair splayed wildly out at all angles, making her appear like a sexy medusa. In fact she could turn you rock hard in an instant. She had her whole life ahead of her. Or so she thought…"

Before he can overthink it, Ron presses send.

His heart rate quickens as he stares at his message. She's asleep, so there is no way she'll see it until tomorrow morning—

Then, three little dots appear at the bottom of his screen, and his palms begin to sweat. Oh shit.

"Oh my god, Ron, what is this?"

Well, he's committed now.

"Little did she know, her life as she knew it was about to end. In walked a man, about 6'5, bright red hair, and a pale, yet chiseled adonis-like body. Nothing like her current boyfriend, but everything she wished her current boyfriend could be. He didn't waste time writing fanfiction and playing sports, and instead crafted beautiful cocktails from the basement dive bar, was quite broke, and regularly forgot to do his laundry. Like a REAL MAN."

Hermione is quicker to respond this time. "You're ridiculous. But keep going please."

Yes, ma'am. "And he wasn't just a sex god. He was also a… dun dun dun… MURDERER."

"LMAO. This is so mean. But I'm laughing so hard."

Ron continues typing away. "She knew all of this. And yet, she still wanted him. She didn't care if it was her last night on earth, because she knew it would be her best night on earth. And that was all she needed."

"OMG now you're getting carried away."

She's not wrong, yet something urges him to keep going. "She entered his apartment, so he could enter HER."

Yeah, maybe he is getting carried away, but it's fun, so what's the harm? Plus, she promised to support his creative writing journey.

While waiting for Hermione's response, Ron's bedroom door bursts open, and Hermione stomps across the room. Her face is flushed and Ron can tell she is trying to hide a smile. "Phone, please?" she asks, her arm extended.

"No, I'm writing a story!"

Hermione stands her ground. "You've lost your phone privileges."

"But I'm going to be the next Stephen King."

Hermione lets out a laugh and dives onto the bed, wrestling his hand for his phone. She braces her knees on either side of him, pinning him between her legs. Ron makes a show of struggling, but as much as he wants to keep her there forever, he eventually lets her win.

"Fine," he says, handing over his phone.

It only takes a moment for them to pause, limbs entangled, for Ron's mind to run wild. How easy would it be for him to turn the moment serious? He could wrap an arm around her waist and pin her to him. He doubts she'd resist. She has a boyfriend, but she also seems surprisingly comfortable with her arms draped around Ron's body. She knows he's only wearing boxers under the covers, right?

They linger there for a moment that solidifies Ron's inkling from before. She bites her lip, her eyes dart down toward the covers. The way she doesn't immediately jump off of the bed when she notices that he's in his underwear suggests that the friendzone is an arbitrary construct.

Ron steadies his voice in an effort to hide his rising heart beat. "Careful, Hermione. I'm a sex god with a habit for murder."

Yeah, took one second for him to fuck that up.

"I fucking hate you," she says, as she wrangles herself back up, his phone in her hand. "You are most definitely not a killer."

Yeah, it took one second for him to fuck that up. However, Ron's stomach flutters at the sound of her swearing. She hardly ever cusses, only when she's with him. "Right, but am I a sex god?"

Hermione laughs. "I wouldn't know, would I?"

Ron raises an eyebrow. "Care to find out?"

Maybe he shouldn't have had that whiskey shot at the end of his shift. He's acting a bit too bold.

"I have a boyfriend."

Her answer echoes in Ron's mind. He doesn't miss the way Hermione averts her gaze, and her cheeks flush red.

"I know. We've established that." Then, with a inhale to gain courage, he adds, "But if you didn't?"

Maybe Ron imagines it, but a look flashes across her eyes, and the corners of her lips turn up in a smile. She shakes her head as if to halt the beginning of a fantasy before it runs wild. "I really should sleep. Goodnight, Ron."

"Night, Hermione."

Ron grins as she turns and leaves the room, fully aware that she never answered his question.