They planted their plumber butts down on the solid concrete slab and peeled each banana open ever so slowly. An agonising creaking sounded from the yellow fruit as the muddled gloves tainted the flesh with mustache-stained fingerprints.
"Mama mia…" sighed Luigi. "This is like working for your own nostril of death…" He kept on sighing until his appendix gave out. Luigi snarled hoarsely like a mountaineer and fell to the floor, roaring and spitting flames.
Mario dodged the blazes and pulled out his FLUDD. He sprayed his brother with the power of hydro and H2O.
Luigi sputtered as a potato plant erupted from his core. It started climbing the quartz pole in the centre of the slab. The vines spelt out a most interesting message, one of grace and impending sanctity.
Although indecipherable, the foliage spoke of a severe threat to the human race, as well as the mushroom folk and their rainbow dinosaur brethren.
"'Sup, my wholesome bup-bro duo," called Toad as he marched in with a fold-up table underarm.
Mario pulled out his blaster and fired eleven rounds at the mushy boy. His cap had instantly withered away from the lethal lead.
"Well, my brain was kinda in there…" said Toad. He set down the table, unfolded it, and pulled up an easy-chair. "All right, bros. Time for us to finish this!"
Luigi was still shrieking is sheer agony. Mario didn't care, he still had a big cashew wedged in between his top incisors.
"So, what did I miss?" asked Lakitu as he flew in with his camera. He adjusted it and zoomed in on Luigi's potato pores. "This man is getting mad spudly…"
Mario furrowed his brow and wiped his leftmost eyelash with murky ire. "I want to crush all volumes of this establishment with my bare hands."
Toad looked down and realised his own hands were ursine. "Bro, now I can truly take out the trash!" He ran up to Mario and clawed open his lucky can of Pepsi.
"That wasn't diet…" sighed a Sigh Guy. His mask had the image of a very moody idiot with no expectations for his college-dropout son-in-law Kevin.
"My mother!" Mario kicked a poodle that had fifteen purple legs and seventeen pink legos. "Who are those freaks over there?" The red plumber pointed wildly at the trio on the horizon who all looked like moldy fools of cheese-loving envy.
Luigi looked up and was still in annoying pain. He flinched as he sat up and gasped at his reflection. "Since when did I become Mr. PotatoHead?" he asked ungreeningly.
"I spy ghosts in the garden," mused Toad as he sensed his foot-evolution. "Well, this is just fan-flippin-tastic, homes…"
One of the three members of the horizon gang tiptoed over to the dwellers of the concrete. It was Yoshi and his tongue was covered in pb and glass shards.
"Why on earth did you eat those?" asked Lakitu.
Yoshi shrugged and stepped up to the plate as another horizon bro pelted a baseball. Yoshi batted with the might of 11 gorgeous stallions.
POW!
The ball soared higher than the eagles of the outer realm. It was a homer, for real for real.
"Dang," Mario grumbled as he crunched a Pringle savagely.
Mario's offense to potato crisps made Luigi cringe. Then he saw a funny meme and it made him kinda cringe too. It wasn't that funny because only Boomer's thought that meme was funny especially if it was echoed by the likes of Jimmy Fallon and Darth Vader.
"But the good news is, my coffee maker is coming in the mail later today," said Toad. He put a penny in the pincher and laid several dozen bills on the table. PotatoHead Luigi sifted through the bills like sand and almost felt like he was about to break down weeping.
"Stop tearing your eyeballs, my brother of green!" screamed Mario. He kicked Luigi's nose off. It was easy to fall off cuz Luigi was a legal PotatoHead.
"Bonza, now give me a high-20!" Toad shouted as he removed his shoes, revealing the toes of generosity. He slammed into the fingies and tootsies of Yoshi. Truly a magnificent display of the highest 20.
"Mario's gaze lowered to an ugly pineapple," said Mario for some odd reason because he felt like a painful maximum.
Lakitu winked at the other two fellows on the horizon and they finally came over. They were really dumb because they were only a Goomba and a Piranha Plant. Mario hated this and shot them with a pebble. The pebble was coated in lasers so the plant was incredibly dead on contact.
The Goomba lived, but suffered from an inconvenient spine. He also wore a crown that exploded for a solid hour and a half.
"Well, Bro, you got what you wanted," said Luigi as he buckled his shoes up to the flagpole. The fireworks arrived in the night sky, signaling this wasn't the proper use of a semicolon;
"My fury grows like a diamond on Mars…" sighed Yoshi. He fell into the Sarlacc and beat up Boba Fett in the belly of the beast.
"Rad," said Toad as he clickety-clacked his calculator. "And this is why we crackle our tackle!"
"Smell toe," grumped the grumping Mario.
"Your hat stinks," counter-grumped Luigi.
Mario keeled over. His hat could dish it out, but it could not take. Such is life…
FIN