THEN
In the rec room of the Forks Emissary house the mood was as mixed as the occupants. There were two twenty somethings shooting pool, while a man well into his forties passed out beers or with a narrowed eye, sodas. A woman close to Phillips age played solitaire while half listening to The Voice on the tv. In the middle of it, Anna Jane was humming over her needlepoint.
Most were waiting for Jeff to come down and give an update of how the week had played out. The meetings weren't something the five of them had attended often, no matter where the location. It had previously been uncomfortable as members of the Emissary tended to look at all of them with such hope. However Sylas had started going from time to time after he left, and in that following year Anna or Cole dipped a toe in as well.
While being in Forks through the last of May and now well into June, the three felt anything but settled. It could have been written off as jitters for each of their upcoming moves, but they knew it wasn't that. Something was off, and only heightened from the pain of the last two years. Something was building.
After Caroline had left, they also heard little from Sylas. His travels were taking him further and further away, and from what he wrote, they were getting more dangerous. Though he was polite enough with everyone he'd met in the Emissary, Sylas didn't carry his usual affableness he'd had in school and then with the other four. Anna couldn't tell if he had any genuine friends among The Emissary. It joined her ever growing list of worries. Especially when she knew wherever he'd been for the last couple of weeks, he'd been alone.
Anna couldn't claim things had been tame on their end either. She was currently sporting a bruised jaw and cut eyebrow from the two hits she'd been unable to dodge a few days prior. The three had handled the Preservers that inevitably followed them, but gotten reamed out for the impromptu weekend camping in Oregon just the same. It reminded them that the pastimes of regular twenty two year olds weren't as easily available to them.
Pulling the needle through the square, Anna caught a man by the pool table sneaking a glance at her. He sent a smile once caught and though she offered one back, Anna then looked down at her thread and scene.
She remembered how not many years ago she would have easily walked over and asked to play as well. Sent a few saucy looks and enjoyed the flirtation. Maybe more would have come of it and she would have enjoyed that too. She could probably enjoy it again, but just couldn't bring herself to try. It felt as though she'd given all of those moments to Sylas, and she didn't have anything left for another man.
The double doors opened and in walked Jeff. On the average day, Jeff blended in as though he were the average business man, often wearing vintage suits that covered his wiry build. While he only stood five foot eight, he moved as though he was the tallest in any room, and most responded as such. Now with his arms bared showing his sleeve tattoos and his salt and pepper hair looking tousled, he looked more like someone who just climbed off his motorcycle without a care in the world.
Anyone in the know didn't have to look twice to see the truth.
As Jeff clapped a few on the back as he passed, Anna put away her needlepoint with a sigh. She didn't like noticing how worn thin he was looking. That wasn't to say he looked ill or aging. Jeff's powers had meant he'd rarely experienced neither. Though he insisted he was aging, just at a slower pace, Anna saw no evidence of it apart from his eyes. But what she did see was a tired and tense man. And she'd no matter how many years passed, she never felt sure where his interests lay.
"How is everyone? "Jeff asked the room at general and either smiled at responses or rolled his eyes.
The doors at her back opened once more and with them Anna felt her every muscle settle. Her breath streamed out as if it had been held, and without turning, she knew.
Sylas was greeted half a dozen times before he found a seat and his eyes met Anna's. He drank her in as he leaned back and gave a little nod, so she managed a small smile.
No, Anna very much doubted there was another love for either of them.
"Well look whose back." Jeff leaned against the wall with his own sense of ease returning. "Was hearing rumors you hit trouble."
"Nothing that wasn't handled." Sylas replied, and the undercurrent had some bite.
Anna looked curiously at Sylas, his eyes moving to her and then down. At the signal she put it aside for now.
As Jeff went on to talk about some new members and plans, Anna got out her phone and opened her text thread with Ethan and Cole. She let them know Sylas was back in town and that she'd drag him over to the Grand after the meeting. Cole replied that he was already at the apartment there and told Ethan to pick up food. Anna grinned at the twos back and forth arguing over turns.
Sylas stood and walked over to the guys that were now leaning against the pool table. They spoke easily and the one who had smiled at Anna also smiled at Sylas and shook his hand. Jeff didn't seem to notice the exchange, and had excused himself to take a call.
"Did you walk over then?" Sylas asked when he came back.
"Yes, but you can drive me back." Anna gathered her things, and didn't look to see if Sylas followed.
Once they were outside she let out a breath. "Before anything else, are you hurt at all?"
"A bit sore maybe." He opened the car door for her and at her hesitation added "I'm fine Anj."
She nodded and let him brush his knuckles down her cheek, following the line of the cut on her forehead to stop before the shadow on her jaw.
"You should see the other guys." Anna rolled her shoulders saucily. "Or their pile of ashes."
With a chuckle Sylas offered a hand to help her in the car, getting another small smile in return. Anna looked around the truck while he rounded the front, and smiled a little wider at the scraps of wood in the back.
"Glad to see you're keeping at the carpentry." She gestured as Sylas started the car.
"I don't want to take money from Dad so I've made some pieces when I can work out of our old shed. Or pick up a job helping on a refurbishment. I'm thinking about setting up a website or something."
"That's a great idea." Anna shoved at his shoulder when he rolled it in a shrug. "No it is. I've been worried your whole life is becoming Emissary and Preserver nonsense."
"Its probably more than a bit. That's on me. We'll talk on that more with the others, but yeah I'd like to start figuring out a way to be mobile but have something stable to fall back on. Probably an oxymoron."
"You'll figure it out. I'd love to help if I can."
"You already do." He stole a glance as he pulled to into the Grands lot. "Dad told me you've been visiting him once a week since you've been back. Cooking him dinner."
"I should have said something, I know it's not my place."
Pocketing his keys, Sylas shook his head. "I shouldn't have been surprised you'd think to do it. I can't tell you how much it means to me that you would."
Anna gave a shrug of her own. She was often conflicted where Shawn Bruan was concerned.
Though he was better with Sylas than he had been throughout his sons childhood, he still had times when his depression got the most of him or his chronic illness did. It had helped a bit once after years and years of misdirection and misdiagnosis the doctors had determined Shawn was suffering from a particularly rare and severe form of Fibromyalgia. During his flare up's his depression was nearly debilitating. However of the last couple of years he'd managed to work part time in online classes for sign language, focusing on teaching family members of the mute.
Knowing it might come in handy, Sylas had begun teaching sign to the group when he and Anna had gotten together. Anna furthered that education with Shawn, and in it tried her level best to get to know her father in law.
"He's not as curious as I'd like about why you're away but he does often ask if you're well. If we are." She sent Sylas a level look.
"I haven't exactly gone into detail about us being separated." He admitted. "I will this visit. I'm going to be staying in town for a while."
"Why is that? Ah." She added as he jerked his chin towards the entrance. "All for one then."
They walked in and Anna inwardly flinched at seeing Laura Knowles behind the reception desk instead of Mary. She liked Laura of course, they all did. But Mary's steps towards retirement were certainly an adjustment. Especially so soon after Enid's. Change was creeping all around.
"Brother man!" Cole came out from the kitchens. "Welcome back topside." He tossed an arm over Sylas's shoulders and pushed the plate he held on Anna.
The easy delight from Cole brought Sylas another step out from his brood as he gripped the hand on his shoulder. "Hotshot graduate is still looking good on you m'boy."
"I graduated too you know." Anna put in, gesturing with the covered plate.
"I charmed some cookies out of Mrs. Braithwaite." Cole told her. "She's not nearly as concerned for our health as Enid always was."
"Whenever I call Enid she still reminds me about potassium levels." Anna sighed and then jerked her chin towards the doors as Ethan came in. "There's first course."
Sylas met him halfway, taking one of the diner takeout bags from him and knocking his head on the side of Ethan's. Though they shared a grin, it didn't reach either of their eyes, and Sylas felt a tension return to his shoulders as he took in his friend. If Caroline's absence hadn't been in all of their minds already, all they need do was look to the shadows under Ethan's eyes and the hollows in his cheeks.
They climbed the stairs up to the apartment and chatted over top one another about easy topics as they ate. Their movements were as automatic as they had been when they all lived together. Passing food, gripping an arm as they shared a laugh.
Sylas snuck glances at Anna Jane, perched on the kitchen counter. Her hair was loose and wild from the humidity, how Sylas liked it best. And though he couldn't say he'd ever be used to seeing them when they occurred, the marks on her face did nothing but add to her energy.
Anna was watchful as well and noticed Sylas clench his teeth a time or two. A wince he was biting back after he reached for his drink or shifted at the table. From her perch on the kitchen counter she narrowed her eyes at him.
"You ready to spill about the close call you clearly had orrrrr…..?"
"You want to open up to me about the four you've probably had since I saw you last orrrr….?"
"Mom, dad, you said you'd never fight during family dinner." Cole reached over to the fridge and passed Ethan a beer.
Anna signed a "fuck you" to Sylas and grinned at his "fuck you too" return. Though her eyes landed on the wedding band he still wore on his ring finger. Just as quickly, her eyes shifted to Ethan to change the subject.
"Hotshot over here made rounds at the meeting tonight right under Dumbledore's nose."
With a chuckle Ethan shook his head. "Jeff isn't Dumbledore level. I'm not sure we matter in his grand scheme enough for that." He kicked at Sylas's crossed ankles. "What are you up to with the others though?"
"If we don't matter in the grand scheme, maybe we need to change it."
"Sylas." Anna kicked a cabinet. "We've talked about this."
"And I'm not going back on it. None of us wants the pie, I'm not talking about taking it or baking our own. But the small amount we trusted Jeff is starting to feel like too much, and I want to make sure the others know who we actually are, not who Jeff says we're going to be or can be or whatever the hell. Just in case."
"In case what? We revolt?"
"In case we need to count on them." Sylas met Anna's eyes. "In case we need help."
"We don't need anyone else Sy." Cole gestured around the table and to Anna on the counter behind him. "We got this."
"I'm not doubting that when we're all in the same place. But we all know things have changed a lot, and they're about to change more. We could use people in our corner that are in a closer vicinity."
"He's right." Ethan nodded. "We don't have to trust them like we do each other, doubt we're even capable. But I'll sleep better knowing you can call someone in the city if you need to. If Shine can upstate."
"If you can wherever it is you land."
"I'm not planning on landing much." Ethan winked back at Sylas.
"Regardless. Being out there and not landing in one spot much either, I've seen its easier if I talk to the others in the Emissary myself, not through Jeff. And as I've done that, I'm starting to get a picture that more is being kept from us than we guessed. If we open up a little, maybe we'll find out more."
"Carlisle and Phillip are the ones that vouched for Jeff." Cole reminded him.
"And I trust both of them. I don't think Jeff wants to see us taken, hurt, or dead. But I think he wants control. The picture of democracy that he paints for the Emissary isn't what I see out there. It's not the Preservers of course, but I think he leans a bit heavily on thinking he knows best."
"So the guys at the meeting today, where do they fit in?"
"Ben and Max. They're cousins, originally from out east only came to Seattle for college a few years back when Jeff found them. They're moving back this winter. Just wanted to remind them Cole and you will be headed that direction after summer."
Pinching the bridge of her nose Anna sighed. "And to think I was worried he was too withdrawn."
Ethan leaned back in his chair, balancing on the back legs. "Exactly. So while you're making sure everyone else's back is covered, who has yours?" He asked Sylas. "You leave to keep her safe, that's fine. But you keep going further and for longer, we don't hear from you on any kind of routine. What if something happens, how are any of us supposed to know, let alone be able to help you?"
"Ethan." Cole leaned over and gripped Ethan's knee. "Breathe."
"Sorry." Ethan rubbed his hands down his face. "Sorry Sy, that wasn't all about…."
Sylas tapped his fist on Ethan's chin and shook his head. Ethan nodded and squeezed Cole's hand back.
"Lets take a walk." Cole pushed Ethan up from the table. "We can go shift all the framed art in the corridor an inch for the left. It'll drive Brance up the wall."
"Yeah, that'll be fun." Ethan touched cheeks with Anna as they passed. "Come by Holm house before you head out again Sy, or Cecelia will see your life isn't worth living."
Anna fell back against the kitchen cabinets when the front door closed behind them.
"He's doing better than I would have expected." Sylas told her, though there was still worry in his voice.
"As in he's standing and breathing, sure." She met Sylas's gaze evenly. "It's not the same as you and I. Not because we're married, but because I still know roughly where you go. I know how to reach you and if you're standing and breathing. Its kept me from completely falling apart."
"Is it keeping you from anything else? From anyone else?"
Her jaw clenched as Anna felt her temper bubble. "Is sitting at my grandfathers kitchen table wearing the wedding band I gave you the best time to bring up the concept of dating?"
"You still wear the ring I gave you too Lady of the High Horse." But he held up his hands in surrender as he stood. "I'm just trying to keep at least one of the vows, to make sure you're happy. If getting out there and dating feels right, I want you to try."
"Then you have to try too."
"Anna Jane there isn't anyone else for…."
"Enough!" Anna jumped from the counter with her yell. "Enough with what makes me happy, with what makes me safe. And the boys safe. What about you? Do you think I don't want all of those things for you? Sometimes I can't think over the noise that worry buzzes in my brain." Anna reached up to her hair to tug as if it could stop the tears the anger, but mostly pain brought.
Sylas stepped forward and took one of her hands, placing it on his chest. He rubbed it in circles until her flush came down and she took a few deep breaths.
"Anj, its all I know how to do. I can't be with you, and I can't be with them without being with you. So I need to try and make things as safe as I can. I don't want you to be on pause forever while we're trying to find our way. That's not living."
"For either of us." Anna reminded him. "What happened with Ethan and Caroline may not be the same, but what I'm afraid of is one day you'll wake up and realize you're not your own person anymore and you'll resent it all. Whether we stay married or not, that's what I'm most afraid of. I don't want you to regret us. Not just the you and I us. Your part in the rest of it."
"I don't regret a single thing. There isn't anything that could happen that would change that. I wish things could be different, who doesn't. But I am who I am, they haven't taken away how I feel, they never could. My going away and making things safe is me keeping that sense of self. That sense of control. If I can't be the husband I want to be safely, then I'll still damn well make sure wherever you go you can be as free as I'm able to give. And I want that for others too. It's not just us I want to help. I don't want anyone else in the Emissary to ever feel the way we've had to."
"This last trip?"
"I've been clearing as much of upstate New York as I can. Concentrating on the capital, I know you'll find somewhere there. You've always felt it. They'll rebuild, they'll add more but it will take time and in that time there will be more Emissary at Maple point and some other properties. Jeff has agreed, but he hasn't liked that I insist on being the one to set them up, not him. So he hasn't been as…empathetic…we'll say."
Anna looked at his eyes, dark and yet so clear to her. "You're not planning to visit there when I move are you? That's why you've been clearing it and traveling so much now, so you won't have to go again."
"I don't want to hold you back. If I can't give you everything, then I can't hold you either." He looked down at the ring he still wore. "I'm not ready to take it off or move it to another finger as you have. I don't know if I'll ever be. That's why I can't picture dating anyone else either, how would that be fair to another person? I don't say that to mess you up more than I already have, it's just my truth."
"I want us to always be truthful with each other. And I want you to know I don't regret anything either. I only wish if it was going to turn out this way then we could have had just been all young and wild for a bit longer. Two kids in love. If we could have had a little more time to just be."
"No amount of time was ever going to feel enough."
Anna nodded as the tears returned. "No I suppose not. At least we know in the time we did have, we've given each other everything. Even if whatever is left doesn't feel like enough to share with another. I guess we go on and see what the rest of life has in store."
"It's all any of us can do at the end of the day." Sylas tried a smile. "It turns out ancient telekinetic powers don't make you all that special."
Shoving him lightly Anna finished it with a hip bump. "Speaking of, I should go stop the boys from whatever secondary prank they've no doubt found."
Following her to the door Sylas bumped her hip back. "Yeah I want to get home before Dad turns in."
When they reached the stairs at the end of the apartment wing, Sylas gave Anna a wink and slid open the window, ducking below it and on to the fire escape. Shaking her head, Anna let out her bawdy laugh as she continued down the main stairs to look her for her boys.
Going in separate directions did nothing to dim the memory of what once was, and would always be theirs.