As Aster had needed a changing, Elizabeth had taken the little girl to the nursery and took care of that. Returning to the kitchen, Rosemary had placed tea cups, and cookies on the small kitchen table. The tea kettle was just starting to whistle. Elizabeth sat at one of the chairs with a tea cup before it and settled Aster on her lap. The baby looked around at her world contently from Elizabeth's lap.
"She drank her bottle for Laura but I made some applesauce last night to try her on," Rosemary commented as she watched her daughter and her friend.
"If you get it out, I can feed her," Elizabeth said, the offer coming out naturally.
"Are you sure?"
"It's been awhile but I remember how to hold a baby and enjoy my own food or beverage," Elizabeth told Rosemary.
"I am sure you do," Rosemary said. "It's just that you weren't happy about being pregnant and then I know losing the baby was hard. I don't want to make things harder for you."
Elizabeth nodded, looking down at Aster and then up at her friend. "A few weeks ago, even holding Aster may have been too much. I felt guilty about losing the baby because part of me did not want to bring another child into what Jack was already enduring. It never occurred to me that what really needed to change was my living situation. These last couple of months has shown me just how toxic that environment was."
Elizabeth paused as Rosemary poured the hot water over the tea leaves in the strainer to brew the tea.
"I could have spared my son so much if I had just listened to you and Bill," Elizabeth lamented. "Bill knew from the start and he's always had my best interests at heart. I should have listened to his advice but instead I let myself be fooled into thinking that money could give me an easy life. That it would protect me from the heartache that I had experienced."
Rosemary sank down in the chair next to Elizabeth and laid a hand on her forearm. Unable to look into her friend's eyes right then she looked down at the child sitting in her lap. Aster had discovered the beads on a bracelet that Elizabeth wore and was playing with them.
"Sometimes we have to learn things for ourselves, no matter what people say," Rosemary commented. "It was true for me. Jack told me that things had changed between us when I first came to Hope Valley. However, I had to convince myself of that and I did some things I was not proud of. I could have even missed out on Lee's love, but thankfully he just patiently waited."
Rosemary took a short pause before continuing.
"As hard as it was to watch you struggle and be so unhappy, I see now that first Bill and then Nathan, was right. You had to be ready to accept our help before we could help you."
Elizabeth nodded, understanding the truth of those words. Her friends had held out helping hands and she had turned them away so many times. The testament to their love and friendship was that had not stopped them from extending those hands time after time.
"Thank you for always being there, Rosemary, even when I was being a lousy friend."
"I refuse to be a fair weather friend," Rosemary told her.
In her lap, Aster had given up with the beads and had fallen asleep. Elizabeth looked up from the child to look at her friend. "One could not accuse you of that," she assured Rosemary.
"Guess we will try the applesauce another time," Rosemary commented. She reached out for her sleeping daughter. "You sip your tea, while I lay her down and then we can continue this talk."
Elizabeth nodded as she relinquished Aster to her mother. As Rosemary carried the sleeping baby to the next room to lay her down, Elizabeth added a little sugar to her tea and took a sip as her friend had suggested. The warm liquid felt soothing as it slipped down her throat.
Soon, Rosemary had returned. With her own cup of tea in front of her, Rosemary reached for a cookie.
"So, what happened last night?" Rosemary asked before taking a bite of the cookie.
Elizabeth stared into her tea cup for a few moments, gathering her thoughts and her courage. Rosemary did not rush her, but instead sat patiently beside her.
"After our outing at the dress shop, I took the kids over to the Mounted Police Office to see if Nathan could join us for lunch. It was such a beautiful scene Rosemary, seeing Jack interact with Nathan."
"Those two have taken to each other," Rosemary commented, a smile of her own as she recalled other interactions between Nathan and Jack. After what Lucas had put the boy through, Rosemary knew there had been a chance that Little Jack would have trouble trusting people again, men in particular. While Jack had shown some of that hesitancy, he had also quickly placed his trust in Nathan. She was convinced that bond had helped the boy heal quicker.
"They have," Elizabeth said, knowing she was beaming and unable to stop it. "Yes, I have seen them interact before. Most times, when waking up from a nightmare, Jack would rather have Nathan than me."
Rosemary patted her arm. "Your son loves you, Elizabeth. Though I would imagine that Nathan probably makes him feel safe under the circumstances. When he was hurt and alone that night, Nathan was the one that found him. Jack wanted someone to help you that night, Elizabeth. That was his concern when Ally showed up at our house with him. Not his own injuries, but you."
Elizabeth felt a stab of guilt. It was her duty to protect her son, not the other way around. However, that fact also filled her with love and pride. Jack was going to grow up to be a kind and loving man despite her mistakes.
"I am determined to be worthy of that love, Rosemary," Elizabeth said, looking over at her friend. "But to do that, I know I need to heal my own emotional scars. I did a lot of soul-searching yesterday evening, writing in my journal. It made me realize that I made a big mistake in choosing Lucas in my grief and fear. Lucas represented my life before coming to Hope Valley. A life that had not taken Jack away from me. I thought by choosing Lucas, I could have all the things I enjoyed while growing up while keeping the life I found in Hope Valley. I thought I would be provided for, cared for and loved. At first, things seemed to change slowly enough that I didn't really notice them."
Elizabeth reached up to wipe tears away with her hand and found Rosemary holding out a cloth napkin to her. She looked over at her friend, who nodded at her encouragingly to keep going.
"By the time I really recognized how bad things were I felt so isolated. My actions had alienated my friends and Lucas had further alienated people. I know you and Bill and others kept offering help but I felt too ashamed to accept the help. I felt like I deserved what my life had become."
"No one deserved what you went through, Elizabeth," Rosemary told her softly, breaking her silence.
Elizabeth dabbed at more tears with the napkin. "That is what Nathan said last night," she admitted. She took a deep breath and let it out in a rush as her next words poured forth. "Oh, Rosemary, I was writing in my journal last night about the way that Nathan treats me. He is always supportive but never pushes. He respects my moods and my feelings. Lucas always focused on his needs and wants. He didn't care if I was willing to be intimate. If he was in the mood, it was going to happen. Even when I was in pain from the miscarriage and falling down the steps, Lucas didn't care. I know you and Faith told me that night that what Lucas did, was rape but I couldn't put that term to it until yesterday."
Though her tears were falling faster now, Elizabeth looked up at Rosemary. "Lucas raped me that night and other times before that," she managed to get out before she lost her voice among the sobs that came forth.
Rosemary slid her chair closer and wrapped Elizabeth in her arms.
"It is about time you recognized his actions for what they were," Rosemary said, with a steely, determination. "Perhaps now you can finish healing."
Elizabeth rested in her friend's arms like she had Nathan's the evenings before. She let her emotions out, though unlike the evening before she did not succumb to sleep. After a bit, the sobs lessened, though tears still filled her eyes, a tear slipping out every so often.
Using the napkin, Elizabeth blew her nose as she sat up.
"What if I am past healing, Rosemary? What if the thought of being intimate with another man always fills me with dread? That is not fair to, Nathan," Elizabeth said, her expression softening at the thought of her partner in this unconventional marriage she now found herself in. "Last night, Nathan held me until I feel asleep and then tucked me into bed, fully clothed. He didn't try to take advantage of the situation. The thought probably never even crossed his mind. He deserves someone who can be worthy of that kind of love."
Rosemary gave a bittersweet smile as she took Elizabeth's hand and gave it a squeeze. "Nathan doesn't want someone else, Elizabeth. He wants you. If he could have moved past the love he had for you, do you think he would not have found someone else by now. There are plenty of single women in Hope Valley who would have tried to catch Nathan's eye if they thought the stood a chance. However, just like Jack, Nathan has only eyes for you, now."
Elizabeth shook his head. "I don't deserve him."
"Perhaps not," Rosemary said.
Elizabeth took a sharp intake of air. She had not expected her friend to agree with her out loud. Especially, not so easily.
"It doesn't mean you can't change that," Rosemary told her, sympathy now in her voice. "Finish healing, Elizabeth. The realization that you made last night is a big step, but keep moving forward. Keep letting Nathan's love heal your wounded heart so that you can be the loving wife that Nathan deserves, because you do love him, Elizabeth. You have for a long time now. Like you told me once though, once something had been said, it became real. I think when you think about truly loving someone again, it becomes too real for you. You found out how much it hurts when that love is taken from you. I got a taste of that when Lee was hurt during the windstorm. The thought of losing him made me more determined to enjoy the time I did have with him. To make sure that he never doubted just how much I love him, because none of us are promised tomorrow. You lost Jack, but the times you shared will stay with you forever. Nothing can take that love and those memories from you, not even Lucas, though he tried. Let go of the fear, Elizabeth and find the kind of love you shared with Jack again. It is what Jack would want for you."
"I made such a mess of things," Elizabeth lamented.
Rosemary nodded in agreement. "You did."
Elizabeth felt a short, gentle bout of laughter, bubble forth at her friend's directness.
"All messes can be cleaned up though," Rosemary told her. "Some just take longer than others. There is no time frame on healing, Elizabeth. Keep taking it one day at a time. You will know when you are ready to truly offer Nathan the love that he deserves. You will find the courage to love again, but first you need to continue to find the courage to live again. You are doing that with Nathan and the kids step by step. The friendship and support you and Nathan have developed in your relationship are a beautiful foundation. Just a word of caution, Elizabeth."
"What is that?" Elizabeth asked.
"Nathan once told me he thought his heart had broken so many times already that he never thought it would mend. Be sure of your love before you offer it to him."
Elizabeth nodded. It was good advice and advice that she planned on taking to heart. Both her Mother and Rosemary seemed to think she already loved Nathan. Perhaps she did. People sure had been seeing her life clearer of late, than she had herself.
Until she was sure of that love for herself, she would not offer those words to Nathan. She had put the man through enough.
Rosemary made them both a fresh cup of tea, the first one's having cooled. The two friends chatted easily over the second cups and then Elizabeth said good-bye to Rosemary and Aster, who was awake once again. Mounting Sargent to go home was much easier this time.
Finishing pinning up her hair, Elizabeth let her hands fall as she looked in the mirror. She had removed the locket and put on a simple string of pearls she had been given for her sixteenth birthday. Simple pearl studs were in her ears and the silver flounce of the dress Nathan had given her for her birthday was all that could be seen. Still, she felt pretty.
It had been a long time since she had looked in a mirror and felt that way.
Approaching footsteps brought her from her thoughts. She looked toward the doorway to see Ally step into the doorway. The fourteen-year-old had her hands clasped in front of her and a distressed look on her face.
"What is it, Ally?" Elizabeth asked the girl.
"Can you do something with my hair?" Ally asked. "I want it to look special tonight. Like you hair does."
Elizabeth smiled. "Of course," she told the girl, beckoning her into the room.
After collecting some hair clips, pins and her hairbrush, Elizabeth sat on the bed and waited for the girl to come over to her. "Would you like me to do your hair like mine?" she asked as Ally came over to her.
"Could you?" Ally asked.
Elizabeth nodded. She turned Ally so the girl was standing with her back to Elizabeth. She started by brushing the teen's hair out before starting to style the hair. It didn't take her long and when she put the last pin in, she sent Ally to the mirror.
"Do you like it, Ally?" Elizabeth asked as the girl stepped in front of the mirror.
The worry melted from Ally's face as she smiled. "I do."
Elizabeth got to her feet. "Are we ready to go then?"
Ally nodded. The two of them left the bedroom together and headed downstairs. Elizabeth could feel Nathan's eyes on her as they reached the bottom of the stairs.
"You two look beautiful," Nathan said, his voice breathy.
Elizabeth felt the heat rise in her cheeks even as Ally thanked her father for the compliment.
"Mama and Ally match like Dad and I do!" Jack said happily as he stood by Nathan's side.
"Yes, we do," Elizabeth replied. "And the two of you look handsome in that suit," she added, directing the words to Jack as it was easier for her.
The sound of a car outside caught Elizabeth's attention. "Who is that?" she asked looking toward the door.
"Our ride," Nathan replied. "Are we ready?"
After getting affirmatives from his family, Nathan led them toward the door. As she walked through the door that Nathan held open for her, Elizabeth saw Henry getting out of the car he had stopped in front of their home.
"Your chauffeur for the night has arrived," Henry told them coming around the car. The man looked to Ally as he opened the passenger side door. "Would you like to sit up front so your parents can sit together in the back?"
"Oh yes," Ally gushed hurrying forward and claiming the seat as if worried she would be told no if she didn't speak up first.
As Henry closed the front door behind Ally, Nathan opened the back door for Elizabeth. She thanked him as she climbed inside. Shutting the car door, Nathan then picked up Jack as he and Henry walked around to the driver's side of the door.
Elizabeth settled back against the seat, happy that she would not need to worry about ruining her dress in the wagon on the way to town.