Review time!
Yeezynight14: Asia is a big continent, so I felt I needed to include a little more specificity for Heather's ethnicity. The censoring for curses is insurance against younger readers who probably shouldn't be reading T-rated stories; the letter the word starts with is put there for older readers who don't need the censoring. But yes, it will be good. Methinks my writing is of a higher caliber than a lot of writing I've seen for this fandom (I don't know about you because I'm not seeing any stories under your name).
That Turtle Chick: Thank you!
Great Idea Alert: Alas, Zeke will be going feral, as this story is a mashup of all seven (and soon to be eight) seasons of Total Drama. However, it will be handled much better than the canon did, and Zeke will get a proper chance at competing. Codammy will also feature in this story, as it is my STP (Secondary True Pairing) after Nemma.
That British Guy: Thanks!
What The Heck: Blaineley is the kind of person who would do stupid crap to students because she herself is stupid and immature; after all, she explicitly does not want to be there. Heather and Emma don't share any classes, and Courtney being in Heather's clique basically makes Emma redundant, so that scenario is out. And besides, Total Drama itself is full of ridiculous scenarios, and mine did not come close to the most ridiculous thing the canon offered. So yeah.
Sunday, September 10, 2017
"Welcome to Total Drama!" Chris said to the camera. "We're here at Wawanakwa Island, Lake Huron for the newest hot reality show. Eighty-four students from Pahkitew High volunteered to compete for one million dollars. I know, kids, right? This show is completely writer-free, meaning that everything here is NOT scripted, and everything is genuine. Friendships will be born and will die. So will romances. Who will drop by and stay a while, and who will be carried away to the Dock of Shame? Find out here on
"Total.
"Drama!"
Theme song
*Instrumental*
A camera appeared from the bushes, scaring off a squirrel. Another came from a tree, startling a blue jay. The third popped out of the ground, hitting a passing Harold in the groin. Duncan and Jacques laughed at him.
Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine
You guys are on my mind
The camera flew across the island, passing Chris on a beach chair getting massaged by an intern, Dawn meditating with Zoey, Brady and Beth on a rope swing together, Leonard and Tammy casting "spells" while Ella watched, Crimson and Ennui staring blankly into space, and Chet and Lorenzo fighting to the disapproval of Ellody and Mary.
You asked me what I wanted to be
And now I think it's plain to see
DJ, Miles, and Laurie were one with the animals. That is, until a mutant gopher showed up. They screamed and ran away. Pan to Scott, Lightning, and Jo, who'd disrupted the session with the gopher. They high-fived.
I wanna be famous
Heather, Josee, and Taylor battled it out on a rubber raft. The raft fell off a waterfall, taking them with it. Bridgette, Geoff, and Brody watched.
*Instrumental*
The three girls found Owen underwater. Owen farted, sending the rivals and more than a few dead fish to the surface. Above, Zeke, Mike, and Rodney were fishing in a little boat when the lake became littered with fish and three teenage girls. Zeke grabbed one of the dead fish and triumphantly held it over his head, while Rodney began checking out Taylor's rear.
I want to live close to the sun
Well, pack your bags cause I've already won.
At one of the beaches, Katie and Sadie admired Justin. Behind them, Justin's ex Lauren sighed sadly. On the other side of the beach, Izzy, wearing a spider costume, was chasing Cameron, Dakota, and Sam for no apparent reason.
Everything to prove nothing in my way
I'll get there one day
Chef was cooking some disgusting green slop in the cafeteria. Kitty and Junior looked at each other, frightened of what was to come. Behind them sat Tyler, Leshawna, Ryan, both of the Jasmines (looking at each other, very confused), Lindsay, Mickey and Jay, and Shawn. Dave obsessively cleaned the tables, while B looked on.
'Cuz I wanna be famous
Sierra had Cody in a headlock out of love. Amy had Sammy in one out of hate. Cody and Sammy looked at each other and sighed.
Na na nana na na nana nana na na na na na naaaaah
Rock and Spud air-guitared. Courtney and Gwen looked at each other with raised eyebrows. Then they saw Trent jamming with them. He stopped and smiled sheepishly at the girls.
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous
Carrie and Devin sat together on the dock, watching Tom, Jen, and Anne Maria compare fashion tips. Then the dock gave out under them, sending them into the water. It turned out Alejandro had been responsible. He grinned evilly at the camera.
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous.
Topher cockily smiled at Eva, who decked him in response. Behind them, Scarlett and Max passed through a field of strange blue and pink flowers, and suddenly began making out.
*Whistling*
At the campfire, as the other campers I didn't have time to name looked on excitedly, Noah and Emma looked each other in the eyes...and then Sugar interrupted the moment by appearing between them. Angry, Emma started chasing Sugar around the camp to the amusement of the others, while Noah stared apathetically at the camera.
"We have a lot of places here," Chris began. "An outhouse confessional to confess your sins" [pan to an outhouse] "a cafeteria to eat in" [pan to said cafeteria, where Chef stood over a pot of brown goo] "and cabins to sleep in. The team who wins the day's challenge gets to stay in the good cabin" [pan to a cabin much more well-maintained than the other nine] "and the one that loses votes the load off the island.
"Since we have eighty-four contestants, we don't have time to properly introduce them all," Chris explained. "But you will get their names, because I'm breaking them up into teams, teams which will change for each challenge." Pan out to reveal seven rows of chairs. Each row was a different color. "We start our journey with seven teams of twelve apiece. Once I've chosen the captains, they will choose one person, then that person chooses someone, and so on until we run out of people.
"Owen! You will lead...the Red Robins!"
The obligatory "Yummmm!" soundbite came from the audience.
"Where did that come from?" Chris asked, scratching his head. Pan to a boy with a beard and a massive afro snickering to himself.
Owen sat in the first seat of the first row, which had red chairs.
"Beth! You will lead...the Orange Ocelots!"
Beth sat behind him.
"Heather! You will lead...the Yellow Yaks!
"Cameron! You will lead...the Green Gators!
"Zoey! You will lead...the Cyan Sharks!"
"Sharks?!" Scott looked concerned.
First Confessional – Scott.
"I got attacked by a shark during summer break in ninth grade," Scott explained. "Had a phobia of them ever since. At least there aren't any real sharks here."
"Shawn! You will lead...the Blue Beetles!" he said to a skinny boy wearing a hat.
"And Geoff! You will lead...the Purple Pigs!" Geoff sat in the first seat of the back row, which had purple seats. "Okay, start choosing teammates. We're going chromatically, so Owen, you're up first!"
Owen thought about it, then said "Dakota."
"Um, wha?" a tall blonde girl asked.
Confessional – Owen.
"People think I'm dumb, but I was actually using strategy. If I chose Izzy, she may choose someone at random and get someone mean," Owen explained. "If I chose Noah, he may not choose Izzy. I decided to pick someone I don't know very well, so I took a chance and went with Dakota."
"Beth?" Chris asked.
"Easy. Brady!"
A male model sat next to her and kissed her cheek.
"Heather?" Chris continued.
"Lindsay."
"Cameron?"
"Mike."
"Zoey?"
"Gwen."
"Shawn?"
"Lightning."
Confessional – Shawn
"Zombies always go for the people with the biggest, healthiest brains," Shawn reasoned. "And we all know how dumb Lightning is."
Confessional – Lightning.
"Sha-boo-yah! I'm in the blue team!" Lightning exclaimed. "Blue is the color of victory, and of fake raspberries!"
First Female Confessional – Ellody.
"Actually, some raspberries do come in a very dark blue-purple color," Ellody explained.
"Geoff?"
"Bridgette."
"Okay, the captains have chosen. Now let's keep growing the teams. Dakota?"
"B." A massive African-Canadian silently thumped over.
"Brady?"
"Justin."
"Lindsay?"
"Taylor."
"WHAT THE [F WORD], LINDSAY?!" Heather screeched. Her archnemesis looked equally horrified.
Confessional – Lindsay.
"Taylor likes yellow," Lindsay explained. "I was thinking we could use her favorite dress as our flag."
"Mike?"
"Eva."
"Gwen?"
"Leshawna."
"Lightning?"
"Jo."
"Bridgette?"
"Courtney."
"B?"
B did some sign language gestures.
"B is mute," Dawn piped up. "He said he wanted to pick Noah."
"Oh, thanks," Chris replied. "Justin?"
"Katie."
"Taylor?"
"Alejandro."
"Eva?"
"Uh...DJ."
"Leshawna?"
"Jasmine."
"Which? There's two."
"Oh yeah. I wanted Jasmine O'Riley." A girl who looked sorta like Courtney smiled and walked over.
"Jo?"
"Amy."
"Courtney?"
"Duncan."
Confessional – Duncan.
"One of these days," Duncan muttered, "I am dumping that goody-two-shoes. She has been on my nerves for far too long."
"Noah?"
"Cody."
"Katie?"
"Sadie!"
"Alejandro?"
"Devin."
"DJ?"
"Sam."
"Jasmine O.?"
"Trent."
"Amy?"
"Samey."
"It's Sammy..." Sammy began.
"Not here it ain't!" Chris smiled evilly. "Duncan?"
"Tyler."
"Cody?"
"Ella." A girl wearing a princess outfit looked touched.
Confessional – Sierra.
"WHY DIDN'T HE PICK MEEEEEEEEE?!" Sierra wailed.
Confessional – Cody.
"Ella usually gets picked last for group projects, so I wanted to be nice to her," Cody explained. His expression changed. "No, I don't like her, shut up, Duncan!"
Duncan snickered from outside the outhouse.
"Sadie?"
"Lorenzo."
"Devin?"
"Carrie."
"Sam?"
"Scarlett."
"Trent?"
"Harold."
"Samey?"
"Jasmine Thomas."
"Tyler?"
"Rock."
"Ella?"
"Lady Isabelle."
Confessional – Owen.
"What do you know?" Owen chuckled. "I got lucky and got my little buddy AND my ginger sweetness on my team. Thanks, randomness!"
"Lorenzo?"
"Mary."
"Carrie?"
"Ryan." A muscular boy walked over and smiled at her. Carrie returned his grin.
"Scarlett?"
"Max."
"Harold?"
"Ellody."
"Jasmine T.?"
"Sky."
"Rock?"
"Spud." An overweight boy calmly plodded to the back row.
"Parents these days...Izzy?"
"EMMA!"
"Mary?"
"Brick." A boy in military gear hustled to the orange row.
"Ryan?"
"Stephanie." A short girl with a mohawk joined her new boyfriend.
"Max?"
"Rodney." A simple-looking husky farmer boy walked over.
"Ellody?"
"Chet."
"Sky?"
Sky sighed. She was not having a good day. "...Mickey."
"Spud?"
"Staci." An overweight girl with a red hair bow walked over.
Confessional – Courtney.
"Staci was a TERRIBLE choice," Courtney groaned. "She spends more time lying about random crap than doing anything. She is FIRST on my elimination list," she added, pulling out a chart she'd just made.
"Emma?"
"Kitty."
"Brick?"
"Ennui."
"Stephanie?"
"Miles." A hippie-looking girl wearing glasses came to her seat in the yellow row.
"I don't like meat-eaters," she declared.
"Shut up!" Heather and Taylor barked. Miles fell silent, scared of their tempers.
"Rodney?"
"Um, er, ah, Zeke."
"Chet?"
"Leonard. He seems harmless." A boy wearing a green wizard costume and a fake beard joined him. "Sorry Ells," he whispered to his girlfriend, who was giving him a death glare.
"Mickey?"
"Jay."
"Staci?"
"Beardo. Hey, did you know my great-great-great-grandfather was the first person who ever shaved? Before then, men had to wait for their beard hairs to fall out. Sad, I know, right?"
"How about we play the quiet game?" Beardo asked gently.
"Hey, my great-great- oh yeah," and then Staci shut up.
"Thank you," Courtney whispered to him.
"No problem."
"Kitty?"
"Junior." A boy her age, wearing a red baseball cap, walked over.
"Ennui?"
"Crimson," Ennui replied monotonously.
"Miles?"
"Laurie." A half-black/half-white girl smiled and joined her girlfriend.
Confessional – Laurie.
"Miles and I found each other in a meeting of local vegans. We both had the same idea to call the meetings just 'ings'," Laurie sighed wistfully. "Our love soon blossomed with beautiful reiki energy. We will win this competition and save the world from the grips of those dastardly carnivores!"
First Joint Confessional – Noah and Cody.
"Are you gonna tell her our species is obligately omnivorous, or can I?" Noah asked Cody.
"You can have this one," Cody said.
First 4th-Wall-Breaking Confessional – The Nerdinator.
An anthropomorphic Brachiosaurus sat in the confessional, which didn't look like it would hold him up much longer.
"Just so you know, that was not to stereotype lesbians as vegan hippies," I clarified. "Nerdinator Studios fully supports all sexual minorities, barring a few gross fetishes. There are plenty of other LGBT+ characters in this story who don't fit the stereotypes. I just thought Miles and Laurie would make a good couple based on their personalities, plus it would help make for more drama down the road."
Then the floor collapsed under my weight, sending me into the ground. Only my head stuck out of the hole.
"Whose idea was this?!...Oh, wait, it was mine."
"Zeke?"
"Sugar." A fat blonde girl in jeans and a too-small pink t-shirt sauntered up to the green row.
"Leonard?"
"Tammy." A girl dressed like a stereotypical viking joined him.
"Jay?"
"Tom."
"Beardo?"
"Jacques."
"Junior?"
"Sierra."
Sierra squealed. "Dude, bad idea!" Cody hissed.
"How was that a bad idea?"
Sierra quickly forced herself onto Cody and began forcibly kissing him.
"Oh...sorry, I didn't know."
"Ah, young love," Chris mocked. "Crimson?"
"Scott."
"WHOO! Not on the shark team!" Scott exclaimed. "I could kiss you!" Then he saw Ennui silently staring him down. "On the chair, I mean," Scott hastily added, kissing the back of Crimson's chair.
"Smart move," Ennui glowered emotionlessly.
"I love it when you get assertive," Crimson added, also emotionless.
Chris blinked. "Well, that happened. Laurie?"
"Um...Anne Maria. She's a vegan, right?"
"Wrong!" Anne Maria cackled. Laurie silently cursed under her breath.
"Sugar?"
"Jessie Sanders." A short-haired African-Canadian girl came to the green team and eyed Rodney suspiciously.
"Tammy?"
"I summon the mystic Dawn!"
"Tom?"
"Jen. Duh."
"Jacques?"
"Josee."
"Last round of picking! Sierra?"
"Topher! Us uber-fans gotta stick together."
"Scott?"
"Phil." A boy with long hair under an orange hat left the dwindling audience.
"Anne Maria?"
"Lauren." A skinny tanned girl filled the yellow row.
"Sanders?"
"Val MacArthur." An overweight girl plopped herself next to Sanders. She, too, eyed Rodney with suspicion.
"Dawn?"
"The auras around me say I should go with Leshaniqua."
"Jen?"
"Dave." A neurotic-looking Indian boy joined them.
"And Josee, you can't pick because there's only one person left, but say his name anyway."
"Brody."
Red Robins: Owen, Dakota, B, Noah, Cody, Ella, Izzy, Emma, Kitty, Junior, Sierra, and Topher.
Orange Ocelots: Beth, Brady, Justin, Katie, Sadie, Lorenzo, Mary, Brick, Ennui, Crimson, Scott, and Phil.
Yellow Yaks: Heather, Lindsay, Taylor, Alejandro, Devin, Carrie, Ryan, Stephanie, Miles, Laurie, Anne Maria, and Lauren.
Green Gators: Cameron, Mike, Eva, DJ, Sam, Scarlett, Max, Rodney, Zeke, Sugar, Sanders, and MacArthur.
Cyan Sharks: Zoey, Gwen, Leshawna, Jasmine O., Trent, Harold, Ellody, Chet, Leonard, Tammy, Dawn, and Leshaniqua.
Blue Beetles: Shawn, Lightning, Jo, Amy, Sammy, Jasmine T., Sky, Mickey, Jay, Tom, Jen, and Dave.
Purple Pigs: Geoff, Bridgette, Courtney, Duncan, Tyler, Rock, Spud, Staci, Beardo, Jacques, Josee, and Brody.
"Okay then! We have everyone. Now we're going to report to the big cliff over there and start our first challenge! Hope you remembered to pack a swimsuit."
At the cliff
Mike took one look and shuddered. "I'm not THAT fat!" MacArthur growled.
"I wasn't looking at you," Mike winced. MacArthur turned around and saw he was actually looking at Sugar, who (unlike MacArthur) was not able to pull off the plus-size-in-a-bikini look. MacArthur cringed.
"Campers!" Chris called. "This is part one of challenge one. You must dive into that safe zone down there in the water." He showed a picture of the base of the cliff. Buoys marked a twenty-foot-wide zone of water. "Surrounding that safe zone are sharks. Imported bull sharks, before you ask, Ellody. Land in the safe zone, get a point. The team with the most points wins an advantage in the next part of the challenge. Fail to jump, you have to wear a chicken hat to show the world how much of a chicken you are." He smirked evilly and pulled out an ugly yellow chicken hat. Unbeknownst to him, it made Tyler faint.
"Each team will go one-by-one until they're all done. Red Robins! You're up."
After the team made it to the edge of the cliff, Owen jumped first, splashing into the safe zone. "I'm okay!" he called up. "The water's great!"
"No way am I wearing that trashy chicken hat," Dakota said, following after him. She landed in the safe zone.
B thought a little, then jumped off at a particular spot. He landed in the safe zone with minimal splashing.
Noah jumped and got in the safe zone. Cody jumped and landed on a buoy. Groin-first. "No point!" Chris called. Then he sniggered. "We're gonna have so many Darwin Awards by the end of this."
Ella landed at the edge of the safe zone. To the oncoming sharks she sang "Don't worry, sharks, I am a friend, so are all the other humans." The sharks left.
"Man, we shoulda picked her," Sam announced from his team's spot at the base of the cliff.
"What? You kiddin' me? That ain't the way to keep away sharks! That's cheatin'!" Sugar yelled at him.
Back at the top, Izzy cackled and dove off the cliff, landing in the safe zone.
"You are wearing the hat," Emma told Kitty.
"But-"
"I'm not risking you getting hurt." Emma shoved a chicken hat onto her sister's head, then dove off the cliff and into the safe zone.
Junior jumped off the cliff and landed in the safe zone. Sierra jumped next, but landed on a buoy. The same one Cody landed on. Fist-first. A crack in the buoy formed from the force of the impact.
"That's for hurting Cody!" Sierra snarled. Then reality set in. "Ow..."
"On the one hand, the water messes up my hair. On the other, the hat messes up my hair..." Topher debated as the Orange Ocelots arrived at the cliff. Scott got fed up and shoved him off, where he landed in the safe zone.
"Nine points for the Red Robins!" Chris announced.
"Dude! You helped the other team!" Lorenzo shouted at Scott.
"I did?...Oh. Oops."
His team glared at him.
Confessional – Scott.
"Also ever since that shark attacked me, my mind hasn't been as sharp as it used to be," Scott explained apologetically.
"Now we have to pick up YOUR slack," Lorenzo growled, jumping off the cliff and landing in the safe zone. Mary did some quick mental calculations and followed him. Katie, Sadie, Beth, and Brady (Hey! Song lyric!) followed, all landing in the safe zone. Soon they were joined by Justin, who made a beautiful scene out of rising out of the water. Brick was next, as was Phil. However, both landed outside the safe zone and had to run away from the sharks.
"I'm wearing the hat," Scott said, putting on a chicken hat. "Ain't no way I'm getting near the sharks."
"The water will reveal things we'd rather the world didn't know," Ennui confessed. He and Crimson donned black versions of the chicken hats.
"...I don't remember giving out black ones," Chris said, dumbfounded. "Anyways, seven points for the Orange Ocelots!"
Confessional – Crimson.
"I only wear black, and sometimes, really, really dark red," Crimson explained. "I carry black Sharpies with me everywhere."
Yellow Yaks
"I'm not jumping! You jump!" Heather growled at Taylor.
"Of course you wouldn't jump, witch! The water would dissolve you and give ME all the popularity!"
Stephanie quickly had enough and shoved both off the cliff, where they landed in the safe zone.
"Harsh," Ryan winced.
"I WANT to get that advantage," Stephanie replied flippantly. "And we need to have more than nine points to win it."
"Fair enough." Ryan jumped next, then the rest of his team followed. Miles, unlike the rest of her team, landed outside the safe zone.
"Yum, grass-fed monkey," one of the sharks in the water said to itself in shark-talk. It proceeded to chase her.
Confessional – Miles.
"I am SO GLAD that bull sharks are the only species of shark that actively attacks people," a tattered Miles grimaced. "Otherwise they'd all be off my preservation list, and they need a lot of protection from rich Chinese evildoers. Not that all Chinese are evil, just the ones who are hunting the sharks."
Confessional – Noah.
"THAT I can agree with," Noah admitted.
"Wow! Eleven points for the Yellow Yaks. Green Gators, you have a tough act to beat," Chris called.
"What'd I miss?" Chef, who just arrived, asked him.
"Eh, not much. Cody got hit in the kiwis, Stephanie womanhandled Taylor and Heather, and Crimsonnui got black chicken hats. Somehow."
The two adults watched all of the Gators jump off the cliff. Some landed in the safe zone, some didn't. The last to jump was Zeke, who landed in the safe zone and promptly began stinking up the water with the grime on his skin.
"Gross," Chef gagged.
"Good job, Zeke! Your first bath in months, I reckon. Provides a little extra challenge for the next three teams. Oh, and six points for the Green Gators!"
Confessional – Zeke.
"It was me first bath in moonths, eh," Zeke confessed, "but I'm not really sure if I like this Chris feller."
"Who else will take the drop, and who will chicken out?" Chris asked. "Find out after these messages."
Do da do da doo. Commercial break!
"Welcome back to Total Drama," Chris announced to the audience. "Four of our teams have already jumped off the cliff, but the Cyan Sharks look a little concerned about the cleanliness of the water."
"Ew," Zoey grimaced, looking at the rainbows forming where the oils from Zeke's skin met the water.
"That's gotta be a health risk," Gwen gagged.
"Never fear! I will cleanse the waters of this pestilence! Tammy, eerie flute music, please." Tammy pulled out a blue thingy and began blowing into it. "Aquis cleansis! Aquis cleansis! AQUIS CLEANSIS!" Then Leonard and Tammy jumped into the water and landed in the safe zone.
"It didn't work!" Leonard called up. "The water still tastes like Ezekiel!"
"Maybe he is cursed, and that prevented our magic from working!" Tammy added.
Ellody landed in the safe zone and slapped both of them upside the head. "Magic doesn't exist, you nitwits!"
"Shun the nonbeliever! SHUNNNNNNNNNN!"
Confessional – Chet.
"Ellody's kinda triggered by people who believe in magic," Chet said, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. "She got humiliated at Toon-Con by a LARPer in seventh grade, and she's been out to get them ever since."
"Eight points for the Cyan Sharks! Blue Beetles, you're up!" Chris announced once the CS were done jumping.
Dave began freaking out. "There's no way I'm going in there! There are homeschooled boy germs in that water!"
"I can hear you, eh!" an offended Zeke said from somewhere below.
"The chicken hat's probably grosser, though," Jo pointed out. "I mean, it HAS been in a musty old box for who knows how long."
Dave realized this, turned around, and deliberately fell into the water. Needless to say, he did not hit the safe zone.
"Wimp," Jo muttered, jumping into the water and landing in the safe zone.
"Hey, be nicer to him. This drop is scarily high," Sky scolded her after landing in the safe zone.
"Pfft. Not my problem he's weak."
Amy shoved Sammy off the cliff. Jasmine T. noticed and avenged her by shoving Amy off, then jumped in after her. All three made it into the safe zone.
Mickey and Jay wisely donned chicken hats.
Shawn and Lightning landed outside the safe zone. "I DON'T WANNA BE A ZOMBIE!" Shawn wailed as the sharks circled them.
"Sha-wimp! Grow a pair," Lightning growled, punching a shark in the gills.
Tom and Jen used their jump to show off their designer swimwear. Both landed in the safe zone.
"Impressive performance, Tom and Jen!" Chris complimented. "Seven points for the Blue Beetles!"
Confessional – Amy.
"We would've won more points were it not for SAMEY!" Amy snapped. "She's always held us back!"
"It's on me and Lightning for not getting the points. Your sister landed in the safe zone," Shawn said from outside.
"SHUT UP ZOMBIE NUT!"
"Thanks a bunch, Samey!" Amy snarled at her sister. "Because of you, we're almost in last place!"
"What did I do?!" Sammy whimpered.
"Well, you're lamer than me. I am smarter, more popular, AND more fashionable!"
"But they're dressed the same," Tom whispered to Jen. Indeed, the Prescott twins were wearing identical black swimsuits, had identical hairstyles, and even wore identical eyeliner and lipstick.
"Not entirely. Look at their hands," Jen whispered back. Tom took out his glasses (which he'd taken off before diving) and put them on, then looked at the sisters' hands as they argued. Amy's fingernails were painted a shade of peach that was almost the same color as her skin, while Sammy's fingernails were painted blue-green. When Amy kicked Sammy into the water, their pedicures were revealed to match their manicures.
"So we DO have a way to tell them apart," Tom whispered. "Besides that hideous mole on Amy's face, I mean."
"Well, until they change colors," Jen reminded him. "Taking into account their skin tone, I'd suggest either a light purple or a dark red. You?"
"Break it up, you two," Jo grumbled, putting herself between the fighting twins. "We need you both ALIVE for the next challenge."
"Do we?" Amy asked.
"Yes!" Chris called from offscreen.
"Fine."
Confessional – Sammy.
"Amy's pushed me around most of my life. I'm used to it," Sammy sighed sadly.
Confessional – Cody.
"Poor Sammy," Cody sighed. "She doesn't deserve to have Amy bullying her all the time. Something has to be done."
"Believe me, I'm working on that," Jasmine T. said from outside. "Now please hurry up and clear out! I need to use the outhouse."
"Oh...right, I forgot this was a toilet."
Purple Pigs
"GET THOSE AWAY FROM ME!" Tyler wailed as soon as he saw the chicken hats. He ran off the cliff and jumped off, landing on a buoy head-first. The same buoy Sierra had punched. The crack in the buoy widened. "I'm okay...somehow..." Tyler said as he slid off.
"What's wrong with him?" Jacques asked Geoff.
"Tyler was like, attacked by a rooster during a field trip to the zoo in kindergarten," Geoff explained. "He's had a fear of chickens ever since then. Dead ones are fine, but live ones..."
"Well, his little fear is just going to hold us back," Josee growled. She and Jacques jumped off the cliff in perfect synchronization, and landed cleanly in the safe zone. Geoff, Brody, and Bridgette followed them into the safe zone.
"I'm SUCH an expert swimmer," Staci boasted. She jumped off and landed painfully outside the safe zone on her wide belly. "Owie."
"Whoa, she WIPED OUT!" Rock exclaimed. He and Spud jumped off the cliff and landed in the safe zone.
Next, Courtney jumped, but hit the damaged buoy. It finally cracked in half, destroying the safe zone. Sharks began to move in.
Duncan and Beardo looked at each other.
Then at the sharks.
They quickly put on the chicken hats. Beardo even made a little scarily accurate clucking noise.
"And seven points for the Purple Pigs!" Chris finished. "Okay, dry yourselves off and come to Zata Clearing for part two! It's the clearing with all the blueberry bushes, can't miss it."
Indeed, there were a lot of blueberry bushes.
"Mmph," Dawn sighed happily as she helped herself some of the berries. "Mother Earth, I thank thee."
"You can't thank Mother Earth, fake vegan," Laurie said while passing.
Dawn nearly choked. "Excuse me?"
"I've seen you wearing that wool sweater you like so much. Poor sheep get robbed of their fur every year to make wool sweaters!"
"If we didn't shear them, the wool would grow so thick the sheep would die of heatstroke," Harold replied, approaching the girls. "Besides, this is Cyan Shark territory you're encroaching on, so back off or face my mad skillz."
Laurie scoffed. "Whatever, loser."
"Thanks," Dawn said to Harold as Laurie left.
"Don't mention it. She's an IDIOT! if she thinks you're not environmentally conscious enough."
"Mother Earth gave the human the ability to eat anything in the world," Dawn replied. "I just get a little squeamish around blood. There are non-pretentious vegans out there, but Miles and Laurie are not them."
"Let's just find Chris," Harold decided.
"Okay!" Chris said. "Good to see you all fully clothed. For part two, your teams are going to build...hot tubs! All the parts you're required to use are in these massive crates." Seven large crates were spread out evenly around the clearing's edge. "Your job is to build a functioning hot tub by sundown. The team whose hot tub I like the best wins today's challenge. The team who doesn't make the cut will have to vote someone out!"
"Um, Sr. Chris?" Alejandro asked. "I do believe you mentioned an advantage our team would have. I mean, we do have the most points."
"That I did. Since the Yellow Yaks have eleven points, they get actual tools to open their crates! The rest of you, figure it out on your own."
The Yellow Yaks were handed crowbars and took to ripping into their crates.
Purple Pigs
"So how are we going to open this crate, dudes?" Brody asked.
"Geoff, you're team captain. Decide something!" Courtney exclaimed.
"Calm down, Court. Okay, Duncan, you have knives, right?"
"Is that even a question?" Duncan asked, pulling out an absurd amount of knives from inside his shirt. Rock and Spud gulped.
"Why don't we use the knives to open the crate by like, prying out the nails and attacking the weak spots?"
"Great idea!" Josee said. "Chris never said anything about having our OWN tools on hand."
"Okay, let's get to work!" Courtney said. "This thing won't build itself!"
Cyan Sharks
"BOX OPENDUM!" Leonard shouted.
Nothing happened, save Ellody facepalming.
Green Gators
Scarlett pulled out a strange-looking Swiss Army knife-type thing, and Max supplied some flour. Once the air was sufficiently cloudy, she let loose a blue laser that slashed the box open. Hot tub parts fell to the ground.
"The Green Gators are the first to open their crate!" Chris announced. "Can the Mad Scientists take their team to victory?"
"I calculate 69.367924 +/- 4.0543 percent likelihood," Scarlett replied.
"Sixty-nine percent won't cut it," MacArthur said. "A sixty-nine is still an F."
"It's a D, actually," Sanders corrected.
"Oh...whatever happened to 'E'?"
"No one can agree on why it disappeared," Scarlett replied. "But you are right. Let's increase our likelihood of winning to 89.367924 +/- 2.0543 percent!"
"You heard Scarlett! Go team!" Cameron exclaimed.
Unbeknownst to the others, Rodney was becoming smitten with Scarlett.
Confessional - Rodney.
"Scarlett's really smart," Rodney sighed. Then his expression changed. "Why does she hang out with the little purple-haired guy?"
First Coed Confessional – Scarlett and Max.
"Max and I met at our ninth grade science fair and immediately connected via a strong desire to change the world," Scarlett said. Max was sitting on her lap.
"And most people don't take enough action to change the world for the better. But we have the guts and the gall to do it! Even if it means being what the world calls 'EVIL'!" Max cackled.
Scarlett giggled. "He does have his boyish charms," she said, quickly pecking his lips.
They sighed blissfully.
"Oh, and if you're wondering about the hair, it's a permanent reminder of an unfortunate lab accident," Max explained. "Just an FYI, sapient grapes are a terrible idea."
"They were tasty, though."
"That they were."
Red Robins
"Oh, come on!" Emma groaned, pounding her fists on the wood. "Open, you stupid crate! We need to regain our early lead!"
B gestured for her to stand back. Then, using some sticks and rocks, he built a rudimentary hammer. He swung it at the crate, but the flimsy hammer shattered on impact.
"B, big guy, I got this," Noah said confidently. "Owen? I need you to go to...Food Mode."
"But it's too dangerous!" Owen whined.
"Relax, buddy. Just tell yourself that inside is a plate of barbecue ribs."
"I haven't had ribs in a long time..." Owen trailed off. His vision began shifting. Suddenly, Noah turned into a string bean, Emma became a pile of wontons, and Dakota was a stick of cotton candy. Then Owen thought he "saw" a plate of ribs inside the crate.
The entirety of his eyes turned green. He roared, and then tore the box open, freeing the hot tub parts.
"Good boy, Owen!" Izzy cooed. She pulled out a plate of ribs from between her breasts and tossed them to her boyfriend, who hungrily chowed down on his well-earned food.
"What else you got in there?" Junior asked. Emma slapped him. "Ow!"
"Don't give my sister ideas!" Emma hissed.
"Too late. Waaaaay too late," Kitty teased.
"Okay, B, now it's your turn," Noah said. "Build us the best hot tub you can dream up! We'll add some aesthetic touches of our own when you're ready. This way, if Chris takes off points for participation, we'll be safe."
B nodded silently, a smile on his face. Then he set to work.
Confessional – Owen.
"If anyone can build a hot tub out of wood," Owen, back to normal, said as he finished his ribs, "it's B. He once built me a thing that can tie my shoes and change my socks for me! Which is good, because I haven't seen my feet in a while." He looked down. "Never mind, there they are. Hi feet!"
Orange Ocelots
"I've got the plans!" Beth proclaimed, pulling out some blueprints she drew. "Brick, Mary, Lorenzo, can you build it?"
"Um, yeah!" Lorenzo said confidently. "Anything Chet can build, I can build better!"
"I can make the plumbing!" Mary piped up.
"Military school taught me how to build rudimentary shelters for refugees, so I think I'll be good!" Brick responded. "Soldier on duty, ma'am!"
"Great! The rest of us can decorate it when you're done."
Yellow Yaks
"Devin. Ryan. Una palabra."
Devin and Ryan followed Alejandro behind a tree while the girls worked on their hot tub. Alejandro cleared his throat. "In case you have not noticed, the girls on our team outnumber us three to one."
"So? They're cool. Carrie especially," Devin replied.
"Yeah, Steph's practically one of the guys already. Besides, didn't you hear Chris? The teams change every time," Ryan added.
"The chance we are on the same team again is still high," Alejandro pointed out. "So what say you two form an alliance with me?"
"Sure, just as long as we play fairly and only vote out those who let us down," Devin said.
"I promise," Alejandro lied.
Little did they know Heather had heard everything.
First Host Confessional – Chris.
"And bing, bang, boom, we have our first alliance!" Chris said, smiling.
Confessional – Devin.
"He can't possibly be," Devin wondered. "Can he?"
Confessional – Ryan.
"Yeah, he's definitely compensating for something," Ryan muttered.
Confessional – Alejandro.
"I can assure you, I am not. I just want an even playing field. Even for me, at least." Alejandro developed a smug smirk on his face.
Confessional – Heather.
"I overheard them talking about their little guy's alliance," Heather said. She smirked and chuckled to herself. "And yes, Alejandro IS. Trust me on this one."
Purple Pigs
"Guys, I took shop class in ninth grade. I can totally build this."
"You sure, little lady?" Rock asked, looking skeptically at Staci.
"We should at least give her a chance," Bridgette admitted. "Okay Staci, show us what you got."
"...Okay, maybe I've forgotten some stuff," Staci said sheepishly, while her team looked horrified at the outcome.
The Purple Pigs' hot tub was a mess. It was filled with gaping holes, and the feed pipes stuck out of the sides haphazardly.
"We don't have any time to fix it!" Courtney yelled. "Look!" The sun was setting.
"SEPTEMBER!" Brody growled, shaking his fist at the sky. "Why can't the days all be the same length?"
"Because that's, like, seasons, man," Spud replied calmly.
"Campers! Your hot tubs WILL be inspected NOW!" Chris called.
Duncan glared at Spud. "This is all YOUR fault. You picked this not-so-pretty little liar to ruin us!"
"Hey, someone had to pick her," Spud replied, completely chill.
Duncan fumed. "Are you stoned or something?!"
"Rock and roll is the only drug I do, dude."
As they continued arguing, Staci eventually couldn't handle it, and ran behind a tree to cry.
Confessional – Bridgette.
"Poor girl," Bridgette sighed. "She's obviously cracking under peer pressure. If we do lose, I'm only voting her off to protect her from what some of the others may do. Who knows what Heather, or worse, Alejandro, might do to her?"
"Not bad," Chris said to the Cyan Sharks. Ellody sneered at Leonard and Tammy, who had not done their fair share of work.
"Good," Chris said to the Blue Beetles, who'd actually behaved themselves. Although Sammy did have a new cut on her chin that lined up with the edge of Amy's left thumbnail.
"Nice!" Chris said to the Yellow Yaks.
"Needs more shine," Chris critiqued the Orange Ocelots.
"Okay...not even a tub," Chris deadpanned to the Purple Pigs. A board fell off it and whacked Tyler on the head.
"Ooh, Green Gators, me likey," Chris said, admiring a sleek white hot tub. Scarlett, Max, and Cameron fist-bumped. Mike looked tense.
"Ahem."
Chris walked over to the Red Robins and his jaw dropped. A fully-automated hot tub, with completely waterproofed sound and light systems, stood before him.
"And the best part is this," Sierra, covered in paint, said. She lead Chris to the other side, where she and Topher had painted Chris' face on the outer wall of the tub.
"Appealing to my vanity. Always a good strategy. Red Robins win! Their hot tub gets to be installed in the good cabin!"
The team cheered.
"Purple Pigs, you're up for our first elimination ceremony! Vote on who to send home, then meet me at the campfire at eight! Dun dun DAAAAH!"
Confessional – Duncan.
"Rock Potato has got to go," Duncan said, writing SPUD on a piece of paper.
Confessional – Rock.
"No one disses Spud but my mom!" Rock declared, writing DUNCAN on a piece of paper.
Confessional – Courtney.
"First mark on my elimination list, here I come!" Courtney growled, writing STACI on a piece of paper.
Confessional – Bridgette.
"Staci, this is for your own good," Bridgette said apologetically, writing STACI on a piece of paper.
"Here's how elimination works," Chris said. "We use the marshmallow system here. When I call your name, come get one." He showed the Purple Pigs a plate of twelve marshmallows, four of which were colored. "The marshmallows are color-coded to show how many votes you got so we can create draaaaamaaaaa. White means no votes against you, and the recipients are Geoff, Bridgette, Tyler, Rock, Beardo, Jacques, Josee, and Brody."
Once they were done, Chris picked up the light blue marshmallow. "Blue means you received only one vote against you. Spud, that would be you." Spud got the marshmallow, while Rock glared at Duncan.
Chris picked up the light green one. "Green means you got more than one vote, but are still safe. Duncan, you have two votes against you." After getting his marshmallow, Duncan glared at the Rockers and squished the marshmallow in his fist before eating it.
Close shot of the plate. One marshmallow was yellow-orange, the other a light, almost pink red. "Orange means you're on the chopping block, but are safe. Red means you're out of the game. Courtney. Staci."
The girls gulped.
"Courtney, you're on the chopping block for not only wrecking the safe zone, but also being super annoying. Staci, you're not just annoying, but incompetent." Staci quivered nervously. "And with three votes against her...
...
...
...
...
"Courtney is still in the game!"
Courtney breathed and accepted her marshmallow.
"Staci! You are our first contestant out. Come get your marshmallow, go to the Dock of Shame, and return to Pahkitew High! But before you leave, we'd like some final words."
Staci, shivering, got her marshmallow. Then she turned around, revealing she was crying a little. "W-well...I know I lied to you, about things my family didn't actually do, and about being cool, but...I just wanted you to like me. I don't have very many friends, and I think the ones I do have are just using me.
"Thing is...I have Asperger's Syndrome." This took her former team by surprise. "Most of you probably don't know what that's like, or even is, but it makes talking to other people, or even thinking about others, really hard. My disability proved a liability...and I'm sorry..."
"Staci," Bridgette said gently, "some of us voted you off so you'd be safe. There are bad people here, and we didn't want you caught up in that."
"That's...the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me," Staci said, smiling through her tears. "Not even my parents would say that..."
And she left, leaving a lot of guilty teammates (and Duncan) behind.
Confessional – Courtney.
"Whoa. Why didn't anyone tell me she was special-needs?" Courtney asked. "I would've been a lot less harsh if I knew." She glared at the elimination list she'd made. "You are trouble I don't need," she told it. She went outside and put it in a trash can.
But as she turned her back and left, the wind picked it up and blew it into one of the inferior cabins, where it slipped into the rafters, waiting for a sinister ne'er-do-well to find it.
And use it to wreak havoc in Courtney's social life.
"One camper down. Eighty-three to go. Who will flow into first place and who will go down the drain?" Chris was in the good cabin, using the hot tub. "Find out this Wednesday on
"Total.
"Drama!"
"Can we have our hot tub back?" Noah complained from offscreen.
Pan out as Chris saw the Red Robins glaring at him, and he laughed weakly.
Votes:
Geoff – Staci
Bridgette – Staci
Courtney – Staci
Duncan – Spud
Tyler – Staci
Rock – Duncan
Spud – Duncan
Staci – Courtney
Beardo – Staci
Jacques – Courtney
Josee – Courtney
Brody – Staci
Results: 6-3-2-1 Staci-Courtney-Duncan-Spud
Eliminated: Staci
Bonus clip:
Chef yawned as he got into bed. "Good night, hat," he said to his hat, hanging on a hook. "Good night, photo," he said to a photo of his long-passed parents. "Good night, mysterious glowing eyes outside my window – wait, WHAT?!"
He bolted out of his room screaming, waking up all the contestants.
A mouse laughed. Then it switched its glowing eyes back on, revealing itself as the one who scared Chef. Then it skittered away.