Review time!
Yeezynight14: Thanks! Ella gives people royal titles out of respect. The stepbrothers' fighting has been toned back to make the story more realistic.
Guest: Thanks! It's 84 because I added an extra five contestants to fill the voids left by the adults: Leshawna's friend Jasmine (who appeared in one of the last episodes of TDI), Leshawna's cousin Leshaniqua (who appeared in TDA), Justin's ex-girlfriend from one of the reunion specials and Sadie's original design (here named Lauren), the long-haired intern and Cody's original design (here named Phil in accordance with the fandom), and Beth's boyfriend Brady (mentioned throughout and introduced at the end of TDA). Dwayne Sr. and Kelly will be co-hosting the Aftermaths alongside Blaineley (who has already been introduced – see chapters 4 and 5 for more info) (Dwayne Sr.'s actually going to cameo in this chapter!), while the tennis rivals will appear later in the story, as will Dawn and Zoey's original designs, Molly and Zoe (for the latter I just lopped off the "y" to keep myself from getting confused).
Guest: I have big plans for Ella, and she will hook up with one of the other contestants. Though I'm going to hold off on that because Ella needs some maturation before she's ready to date.
That British Guy: Yep. I don't want to reveal too much, but that elimination list will eventually be found by one of Courtney's enemies, and this plus a certain other twist from the canon will prevent Courtney from getting to the halfway point (Final 42).
Wednesday, September 13, 2017
"Last time on the very first Total Drama – our first challenge went swimmingly! [Tom and Jen diving into the safe zone with style] For some, at least. [Cody getting hit in the groin by a buoy] Teams dove off a cliff to win points. Those who didn't jump had to wear the Chicken Hat of Shame! [Mickey and Jay putting on the chicken hats] The Yellow Yaks [Stephanie shoving Taylor and Heather off the cliff] won the advantage for part two of our challenge – building hot tubs! Alejandro made our first alliance [Alejandro pulling Devin and Ryan aside] and the Purple Pigs made fools of themselves. [Tyler getting hit in the head by a board falling off the crappy hot tub] In the end, the Red Robins [B's awesome hot tub] won the good cabin with their deluxe, physics-defying hot tub. And in the Purple Pigs, big beautiful braggart Staci got herself voted off first – but not before she revealed a then-unknown handicap. [Staci's elimination] Can't blame Courtney for not knowing about Staci's ASD, I didn't read the personal information forms either."
Chris stood at the Dock of Shame. "Eighty-three contestants remain. Who will check out with the million dollars, and who will be sent to the Dock of Shame? Find out here on
"Total.
"Drama!"
Theme song
*Instrumental*
A camera appeared from the bushes, scaring off a squirrel. Another came from a tree, startling a blue jay. The third popped out of the ground, hitting a passing Harold in the groin. Duncan and Jacques laughed at him.
Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine
You guys are on my mind
The camera flew across the island, passing Chris on a beach chair getting massaged by an intern, Dawn meditating with Zoey, Brady and Beth on a rope swing together, Leonard and Tammy casting "spells" while Ella watched, Crimson and Ennui staring blankly into space, and Chet and Lorenzo fighting to the disapproval of Ellody and Mary.
You asked me what I wanted to be
And now I think it's plain to see
DJ, Miles, and Laurie were one with the animals. That is, until a mutant gopher showed up. They screamed and ran away. Pan to Scott, Lightning, and Jo, who'd disrupted the session with the gopher. They high-fived.
I wanna be famous
Heather, Josee, and Taylor battled it out on a rubber raft. The raft fell off a waterfall, taking them with it. Bridgette, Geoff, and Brody watched.
*Instrumental*
The three girls found Owen underwater. Owen farted, sending the rivals and more than a few dead fish to the surface. Above, Zeke, Mike, and Rodney were fishing in a little boat when the lake became littered with fish and three teenage girls. Zeke grabbed one of the dead fish and triumphantly held it over his head, while Rodney began checking out Taylor's rear.
I want to live close to the sun
Well, pack your bags cause I've already won.
At one of the beaches, Katie and Sadie admired Justin. Behind them, Justin's ex Lauren sighed sadly. On the other side of the beach, Izzy, wearing a spider costume, was chasing Cameron, Dakota, and Sam for no apparent reason.
Everything to prove nothing in my way
I'll get there one day
Chef was cooking some disgusting green slop in the cafeteria. Kitty and Junior looked at each other, frightened of what was to come. Behind them sat Tyler, Leshawna, Ryan, both of the Jasmines (looking at each other, very confused), Lindsay, Mickey and Jay, and Shawn. Dave obsessively cleaned the tables, while B looked on.
'Cuz I wanna be famous
Sierra had Cody in a headlock out of love. Amy had Sammy in one out of hate. Cody and Sammy looked at each other and sighed.
Na na nana na na nana nana na na na na na naaaaah
Rock and Spud air-guitared. Courtney and Gwen looked at each other with raised eyebrows. Then they saw Trent jamming with them. He stopped and smiled sheepishly at the girls.
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous
Carrie and Devin sat together on the dock, watching Tom, Jen, and Anne Maria compare fashion tips. Then the dock gave out under them, sending them into the water. It turned out Alejandro had been responsible. He grinned evilly at the camera.
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous.
Topher cockily smiled at Eva, who decked him in response. Behind them, Scarlett and Max passed through a field of strange blue and pink flowers, and suddenly began making out.
*Whistling*
At the campfire, as the other campers I didn't have time to name looked on excitedly, Noah and Emma looked each other in the eyes...and then Sugar interrupted the moment by appearing between them. Angry, Emma started chasing Sugar around the camp to the amusement of the others, while Noah stared apathetically at the camera.
Red Robins
Owen ate his toast. "Y'know, I never knew bananas went with marmalade until today. You want some?" he asked Topher.
"I'm good, thanks," Topher replied uneasily.
Kitty relaxed in the hot tub. "Ah, sweet relief," she sighed.
"Kitty, this is no time for relaxation," Emma, who stood outside the hot tub, scolded.
"Calm down, sis. The two homework days have passed already."
"Meaning that today is a challenge day."
"Not for a while! You could use the hot tub before then. And judging by your attitude, I think that you should."
While they bickered, Izzy peeked out from her hiding place inside the laundry hamper. "I wonder how the other teams are faring," she said to no one in particular.
B walked by and, not noticing her, dropped his dirty underwear into the hamper.
Confessional – Izzy.
"Note to self," Izzy, who had B's underwear over her head and covering her eyes, said. "The hamper is a bad place to hide in. Also B smells like peanut butter for some reason."
Confessional – B.
B revealed the reason behind the smell was a bottle of peanut butter-scented soap. He wrote something on a piece of paper, then showed it to the camera.
What can I say? It was on sale, and I needed toiletries for this adventure. I hope people will like it.
Mess Hall
"Um, is this it?" Lorenzo asked, frowning at the brown slop Chef had put on his breakfast tray.
"It's been it for the last three days, maggot," Chef grunted.
Lorenzo sighed and left the lunch line.
"NEXT!"
Ennui and Crimson came up. Chef dumped a ladleful of brown slop onto their trays. "Disgusting," Crimson said monotonously. "Just the way we like it."
"Glad someone appreciates my maybe-deliberately-bad cooking. NEXT!"
Blue Beetles
"Any thoughts on what we should do?" Shawn asked his team. "Today's a challenge day, I know it!"
"And you know that how, exactly?" Amy, picking at a puddle of white gruel in a cup, said condescendingly.
"I'm an expert at making time charts. Have to coordinate food runs with the zombie sleep cycle, y'know."
Amy scoffed. "Zombies aren't–"
"Wait," Jay said. "Shawn just raised a very good question. Does someone who's already dead even NEED sleep?"
Now everyone was wondering it.
"Sha-wow...this is heavy stuff," Lightning murmured.
"No kidding," Dave agreed.
Green Gators
Sanders and MacArthur were playing basketball outside the cafeteria when something caught the latter's eye. "Hey Jess, what's that thing?"
Sanders turned around and saw what MacArthur was talking about. A massive, auditorium-like building with wires all over the back stood nearby.
"That's the Virtual Reality Machine," Sanders replied, smiling. "Chris told me that every five challenges, we get to use it to go into another universe!"
"Cool! I've always wanted to see what it would be like to fight in WW2," MacArthur said.
"No, you don't," they heard someone say. They turned around to see Cameron. "Trust me. War is incredibly stressful, more than the movies make it seem."
"Oh, don't worry about us, Cameron. We're tough, we can handle it. Right, Sanders?"
"Well..." Sanders conceded, "he does have a point."
"You're just soft," MacArthur decided. She grabbed the basketball and shot it into the net. "Swoosh!"
Red Robins
Noah sat on the porch of the good cabin, reading The Book Thief.
"Do you ever run out of books?" Cody asked, curious.
"Did Sierra sneak her laptop into the cabin even though we weren't allowed to bring any electronics? The laptop with those embarrassing photos of you?"
"Wait, she WHAT?! Thanks for telling me, Noah. SIERRA!" Cody went back inside. Then he ran back out, screaming, being chased by a lust-crazed Sierra.
Noah sniffed the air. "Huh. Wet sand. I thought we were further from the beach than that."
"CAMPERS! Report to the campgrounds for today's challenge!" Chris' voice came over the PA system.
As Noah left, he failed to notice that, not too far from the good cabin, was a field of short plants with disproportionately large nine-petal flowers. Some had blue flowers; some had pink.
"Okay, everyone!" Chris said. "We're going to start today's challenge."
"Is it try on cute clothes?" Lindsay asked.
"No, but you've given me a great idea for a future challenge. No, today's challenge will begin by reading...these!" He pulled out some highschool anatomy textbooks.
"Anyone else taking anatomy?" Sam asked. Dakota and more than a few others raised their hands. "Chris, I don't want to sound harsh or anything, but doesn't this seem kind of, I don't know, redundant?"
"One would think so," Chris replied, "but these aren't your ordinary anatomy textbooks. THESE are detailed instructions on how to put a series of highly intricate mannequin organs together. You have until noon for your team to memorize the ENTIRE textbook. You'll need the knowledge later on."
Confessional – Courtney.
"Memorization? My mind is like a bear trap," Courtney grinned. "I've memorized all of the laws in the country top to bottom and can recite them at will. Not that I'm going to do that now, of course. But I've got this challenge in the bag!" She did a little victory dance, then realized the camera was still rolling. "You didn't see that!"
"Now to break you guys up into teams. Today, we will have four teams of twenty and one team of three.
"Cody, Alejandro, Brady [Hey! Another song lyric!], Jasmine O., Leshawna, Leonard, Tammy, Katie, Sadie, Laurie, Miles, Shawn, Rodney, Zeke, Brick, Tyler, Brody, Sanders, Tom, and Jen, you are Team Sanguine!
"Chet, Lorenzo, Amy, Eva, Heather, Taylor, Emma, Noah, Stephanie, Scott, Jo, MacArthur, Justin, Sugar, Jacques, Josee, Duncan, Izzy, Anne Maria, and Lightning, you are Team Choleric!
"Harold, Carrie, Samey, Sky, Gwen, Mickey, Jay, Courtney, Ennui, Crimson, Mike, Mary, Ellody, Dakota, B, Sam, Cameron, Ryan, Junior, and Lauren, you are Team Melancholic!
"DJ, Dawn, Ella, Owen, Bridgette, Geoff, Beth, Jasmine T., Lindsay, Kitty, Zoey, Devin, Sierra, Rock, Spud, Phil, Dave, Topher, Beardo, and Trent, you are Team Phlegmatic!
"And Scarlett, Max, and Leshaniqua, you are Team Leukine! Find your teams and break! Except for you, Leukine, you're going with Chef!"
Confessional – Leshaniqua.
"That Chef guy scares a lotta people," Leshaniqua said, "but not me. I'm a lot tougher than that, and if he thinks he can break me, he's got another thing comin'!"
Confessional – Mary.
"Just so we're clear, the four humors theory of health is NOT accurate," Mary said.
Sanguine: Cody, Alejandro, Brady, Jasmine O., Leshawna, Leonard, Tammy, Katie, Sadie, Laurie, Miles, Shawn, Rodney, Zeke, Brick, Tyler, Brody, Sanders, Tom, and Jen.
Choleric: Chet, Lorenzo, Amy, Eva, Heather, Taylor, Emma, Noah, Stephanie, Scott, Jo, MacArthur, Justin, Sugar, Jacques, Josee, Duncan, Izzy, Anne Maria, and Lightning.
Melancholic: Harold, Carrie, Samey, Sky, Gwen, Mickey, Jay, Courtney, Ennui, Crimson, Mike, Mary, Ellody, Dakota, B, Sam, Cameron, Ryan, Junior, and Lauren.
Phlegmatic: DJ, Dawn, Ella, Owen, Bridgette, Geoff, Beth, Jasmine T., Lindsay, Kitty, Zoey, Devin, Sierra, Rock, Spud, Phil, Dave, Topher, Beardo, and Trent.
Leukine: Scarlett, Max, and Leshaniqua.
Sanguine
"I sooooo want to dress up our mannequins when we're done!" Jen gushed.
"I agree! I've had a little experiment in mind, but I've never gotten around to trying it out. Jen, I promise you, I WILL make stripes and plaid work!" Tom said confidently.
Brick wanted to say something, but thought better and kept his mouth shut, and went back to his book.
"Dudes! Muscles have, like, names?" Brody asked as he flipped through his book.
"Well, doctors need to have names for them so they know which one they're talking about," Cody explained. "Different muscles control different joints and organs."
"And they make guys hunky!" Katie squealed as she and Sadie admired Rodney's biceps.
"Uh..." Rodney stammered.
Confessional – Rodney.
"I don't have much experience with girls," Rodney blushed, "and every time I try to talk to one I think is interested in me, I get nervous and mess up really bad. And now that BOTH Katie and Sadie want me...what do I tell Scarlett?"
"Scarlett's been dating Max for two years!" Jen shouted from outside the confessional.
"They are?" Rodney became his usual perky self again. "Well, that's a big relief! I sure hope she's happy."
Leukine
Scarlett was actually rather confused right now. Her team had been led into a secluded forest, but for what, Chef hadn't said. Then they stopped abruptly.
"Okay, soldiers! Listen up!" Chef barked. "You three did not fit the four main temperaments, and have thus been assigned to me!"
"If we were to use that silly alignment system, I would qualify as a melancholic," Scarlett snarked.
"I didn't ask for any backtalk, missy!" Chef barked, smacking Scarlett over the head with a wooden baton he'd pulled out of nowhere. "Now, we do not have enough members to compete in the challenge itself, so we have been given a very special job."
"Um, Mr. Chef? What, exactly, IS the challenge?" Max asked.
"You remember what Pretty Boy said about the textbooks and building mannequins?"
"That's the entire challenge?" Leshaniqua scoffed. "Lame."
"No, there's more. Teams will have to retrieve parts of their mannequins from inside a tank of water. Each member must rotate between getting the plastic organs, lowering their teammates into the water, and building the body. The mannequin must be complete within half an hour or the team's at risk of elimination."
"And what about us?"
"Our job is to keep the other teams from winning. If none of them can complete their mannequins within thirty minutes, we win!"
"So you want us to sabotage them?" Max grinned. "Evil. I like this challenge."
"Count me in," Scarlett smirked.
"I'm up for a soak in the hot tub," Leshaniqua conceded. "Okay Chef, any plans?
"'Course I have plans," Chef smiled evilly. "My first idea is..."
Choleric
"Wow...all the short-tempered competition freaks together," Noah muttered to himself. "Like THAT was a good idea."
"That IS the definition of choleric, you know," Jacques said. "But I won't deny that Josee quite likes to be first. She wants to win gold at the Winter Olympics for ice dancing."
"Ambitious," Noah said, not really caring.
"And I will not deny that I want to win Olympic gold, too," Jacques smirked. "Silver and bronze are the colors of the losers, the freaks, the not-as-good-as-mes. Plus gold goes with my hair."
"Whoopee."
"Are you even listening?"
"I'm more focused on winning the challenge right now, thank you," Noah replied. "And if you're as ambitious as you claim to be and really want the million dollars, you should be focused on reading the book too."
Jacques sat dumbly as Noah resumed pouring over the anatomy textbook.
Confessional – Jacques.
"I hated to admit it back then," Jacques said, "but the little insect was right."
Melancholic
"These mannequins aren't completely anatomically accurate," Ellody noted.
"What makes you say that?" Dakota asked. Ellody showed Dakota a picture in the book of a mannequin's crotch. Or, what should have been its crotch and not a smooth, featureless piece of plastic. Dakota's eyes widened when she caught on.
"Well, they couldn't be completely accurate," Gwen said. "Otherwise we wouldn't be able to even have the challenge because it wouldn't get past the censors."
"Oh...I guess I can let it slide this once," Ellody sighed.
Junior struggled with his book, which Carrie noticed. "Hey, Junior, you want some help with that?"
"Yes, please! I can't understand any of this."
Carrie sat next to him and began explaining which organs went where. Junior was momentarily captivated by her beauty, but decided against flirting (he was only fourteen, after all).
Confessional – Junior.
"At first I thought Carrie would fall in love with me," Junior said, "but then I realized I didn't know her that well, so I put those thoughts out of my head. Besides, she probably doesn't date younger guys."
Confessional – Carrie.
"He's right, and I'm glad he let his momentary infatuation go," Carrie said. "That's a sign he's growing up."
Back in Muskoka, a man momentarily stopped working in his cubicle, and swore he felt a disturbance in the parenting forces.
Sanguine
"This textbook was crafted with dark magic!" Leonard declared. "It insinuates that the brain does the thinking, and feels love, too!"
"No!" Tammy said, horrified. She threw her textbook away from her. It ended up hitting Zeke on the head, though he didn't notice until he passed out and fell over.
"Actually, the textbook is right," Alejandro said. "The heart was proven to only pump blood a very long time ago."
"LIES!" Leonard shrieked. "All lies! The heart-eating trolls WANT you to think that, so when they come after you, you're willing to give up your life!"
"Well, the heart is still a vital organ–"
"You bet your rump it is, Spaniard! It's the most vital OF ALL!"
Alejandro muttered various Spanish words I'm not going to translate due to how blue they were under his breath.
Confessional – Alejandro.
"At this point, I am willing to throw the challenge just to get rid of the wizard boy," Alejandro growled. "And I have an idea on how. I shall convince Leonard he can use his 'magico' to promote peace. Then I create tension in the group, and when these elements come together our performance will be certainly thrown off. We are not Team Choleric, but my team does have someone with a bad temper who can help me, even inadvertently."
He showed the camera a picture of Laurie. "This woman is very judgemental, not to mention a bit intolerant and oversensitive. Provoking her shall be easy."
"Ooh, Alejandro's devious!" Chris chuckled. "Which team will memorize enough of their books to win it big in part two of our challenge? Find out after these messages."
Do da do da doo. Commercial break!
"And we're back!" Chris announced to the audience. "Four teams pour over mannequin assembly manuals, while the fifth figures out how to sabotage them. Speaking of our teams, what's Team Phlegmatic been up to?"
Phlegmatic
"My brain huuuurts," Lindsay whined. She'd only gotten through the very first two chapters of her book, while most of her teammates were on chapter thirteen out of seventeen.
"I'm not sure it can," Topher replied. "According to the manual, the brain doesn't have nerve endings of its own."
"Where did it say that?" DJ asked.
"When it listed all the places we had to put the nerve parts in, I noticed the brain wasn't on the list."
"Oh," DJ said. "I guess I missed that page."
"I'm with Lindsay," Owen said. "I'm kinda smart 'cause I hang out with Noah, but all these tiny little parts are too hard to memorize."
"And memorization is a big part of the challenge," Bridgette finished. "We need to figure out a way to remember where all the parts go."
"CODY!" Sierra screeched. She'd had to be physically restrained from going after Cody via metal chains staked into the ground; said stakes had rocks on top of them to keep her from pulling them out.
"Hey, I have an idea!" Beth piped up. Everyone turned to look at her, interested. "When I was in middle school, I found that mnemonics really helped me with studying. I still use them today. We could make one to help us remember which parts go where."
"We could set it to music!" Rock exclaimed. "Spud did that so he could remember the Seven Stages of Heartbreak! We had to do a Valentine's Day gig once," he added as an explanation.
"I can write the song," Trent offered. "I'm the composer for the Drama Brothers, after all."
"Ooh, ooh, can I help?" Ella asked.
"Sure." Ella lit up and squeed.
"And if our performance is what gives us points, then I can coordinate a dance routine!" Phil finished.
Confessional – Phil.
"I'm in charge of the dance troop back at school, so dancing is kind of a big deal to me," Phil explained.
"These are all great ideas!" Bridgette said. "Guys, I think we're onto something big. Thanks a bunch, Beth! Trent, Ella, you and the Rockers work on the song. Phil, Dawn, you're making the dance routine. The rest of you, hang in there and study. And hurry! We've only got an hour until the challenge starts!"
The team split up to do their respective tasks. Dawn looked at Phil and said, "Your aura is quite green. You must be buzzing with creativity."
"I should hope so," Phil chuckled. "Green's my favorite color, and I have so many ideas for our performance."
"But in the center is a speck of blue...something related to your sister?"
"How did you know? Oh yeah, the aura reading thing." He sighed. "Zoe went through a rough breakup just before I came here. I didn't have the chance to comfort her after it happened."
"You do realize you're on international TV, right?"
Sanguine
"Leonard?" Alejandro asked. Leonard stared at him. "I must say, your ideas about anatomy may be a bit dated, but the real magic you have is less obvious. You have great untapped potential when it comes to resolving conflicts. And this from the son of a diplomat."
"I do? Splendid! I'll unsheath the sword of my true potential when all seems lost!" Leonard declared.
"I was hoping you'd say that."
Confessional – Alejandro.
"That part was too easy," Alejandro laughed. "The next will be trickier, but I just need to wait for a moment where it'll seem like my malice is more frustration."
The clock struck noon. "Campers! Put your books away and come to the beach. The test has begun!" Chris announced.
At the beach, the four main teams stood in front of four massive aquarium tanks filled with turbid water. Next to each tank was a rotating chair with a long fishing rod-like device mounted on the arm, and a carpet in front of the tanks to assemble the mannequins on. Sanguine's carpet was lemon yellow and hot pink, Choleric's dark red and black, Melancholic's grape purple and dark blue, and Phlegmatic's lime green and cyan.
"CODY!" Sierra screeched, and was about to run over to Team Sanguine when she went back to normal. "What did I miss?" she asked. "And why do I feel like I wanted to kiss Cody more than usual?"
"Okay campers, let's see how well you read the books," Chris smirked. "The organs of your mannequins are in those tanks. Each one of you must take a stab at assembling the organs, lowering a teammate into the tank, and being in the tank." The last one made Crimson and Ennui nervous, even though they didn't show it. "The team that gets the most of their mannequin completed in thirty minutes' time wins the challenge. The losing team amputates the person they no longer need."
"Please don't say amputate," Brody shuddered. "I have a phobia of that."
"Yeah, don't care. However, there's a catch. Team Leukine's going to try and sabotage you." From behind them, Chef, Max, Scarlett, and Leshaniqua, decked out in beige body paint and bandannas, emerged. Max snarled at the other campers for dramatic effect. "You have to both find your parts in murky water, AND fend off Team Leukine! Melancholic, you're up first!"
Melancholic
"I'm manning the chair first!" Courtney barked. "I was a CIT for two years, I can handle this!"
"You do realize you're going to have to give that up eventually, right?" Gwen asked.
"I do. And just for that comment, goth girl, you're getting body parts first!" Gwen sighed and got into the harness at the end of the fishing pole.
"I'm ready."
Courtney maneuvered Gwen into the water. After a little bit, Gwen tugged on the line and Courtney fished her out. Gwen tossed various parts onto the carpet, then got out of the harness. Courtney got in and Mike took her place at the chair. On the carpet, Harold and Sam quickly and expertly began clicking parts together.
"We got the right thigh and the bladder done!" Harold announced, holding the latter over his head. Scarlett quickly snatched it, scooted over to the tank, disassembled the bladder, and tossed it back in the tank, then disappeared as quickly as she game.
"...And I thought Izzy was fast," Sam said, dumbfounded.
Twenty-seven more minutes of this later
"Annnd time!" Chris announced. An exhausted Team Melancholic now had both legs, both lungs, the liver, the lower jaw, and the right arm finished. Crimson and Ennui were glad time had been called before they'd have to go into the water. "Sixty-one percent completion gives you sixty-one points. If any other team gets more than that, they're automatically safe. Phlegmatic! Your turn!"
Phlegmatic
Phil stood in front of the carpet. DJ manned the chair, Kitty was in the harness first, and the rest of the team waited.
"This one goes out to my sister Zoe," Phil announced to the camera. "I know your life may look bad now, sis, but you're strong. Please, for your own sake, stay that way."
While he had said this, DJ and Kitty had retrieved some of the bones of the mannequin. Beardo used his impressive vocal mimicry to begin a beat, and the assembly began.
Phil: The hip bone's connected to the back bone!
Kitty: The back bone's connected to the chest bones!
DJ: The sternum is connected to the chest bones,
Owen: Via cartilage, it's stuck to the ribs!
Sierra: Ohhhhh, the brain is connected to the head bones!
Geoff: And the brain is connected to the spinal cord,
Bridgette: Which runs down the middle of the back bones,
Beardo: (scat singing, offhand backhanding an incoming Leshaniqua) C'mon!
(sudden change in rhythm. The Rockers aren't too used to it, but they manage)
The whole team: Anterior cruciate to tibia, heart to pericardium, renal cortex to its medulla, and intestine to the stomach, oh!
(change back to the original rhythm)
Trent: The scalp is connected to the head bones,
Lindsay: The skin goes over the guts and bones,
Beth: The eyes go into their sockets,
Phil: And I think that now we're done.
Thanks to the power of the montage, they were very quickly done well before the time limit, and now had a complete mannequin.
"Wow, just...how is that possible?" Chris asked, flabbergasted.
"Silly Chris! Anything's possible when you're a cartoon!" Kitty said cheerily.
"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that. But you shouldn't pretend to hear that your team is the automatic winner with all one hundred points, our first song of the series, and a fully completed mannequin!"
They cheered.
Confessional – Emma.
"On the one hand, I'm glad my sister did well," Emma said. "On the other hand, I'm a little afraid that she may fall into a bad crowd. Plus, if her team won, that means my team's at risk of eliminating someone."
"Sanguine! You're up! Will you beat Melancholic, or will they keep their lead?"
Sanguine
"Ewwww, is that water safe?" Miles asked, concerned at the sight of the murky water.
"Don't worry, Phil told me that's just cinnamon," Brady said. "You still don't wanna drink that, though. I learned that the hard way."
"And the Cinnamon Challenge is still relevant...how?" Tom asked.
"Whatever. I shall go first," Alejandro volunteered. "Laurie, would you mind lowering me in?"
"Sure. Why not?"
Laurie began lowering him into the tank, but she didn't have too much upper body strength, and with all his muscle and height Alejandro was quite heavy. So instead of carefully lowering him until he touched the bottom with his feet, she dropped him on his face.
As soon as he pulled the last fake molar from his forehead, Alejandro gathered as many organs as he could find, then tugged on the fishing line. Again, Laurie had difficulties, this time with pulling him up, and she needed Rodney's help to rescue The Latin Mastermind. Jen glared at Rodney, sure he was going to start eying Laurie. But she didn't notice that he didn't, for Rodney knew that Laurie was homosexual and thus had no interest in him, and he respected that.
Alejandro coughed, spitting up cinnamon-laced water he'd deliberately swallowed as part of his plan. "En serio! I could have died! Next time be more careful, fruit-eating freak!"
"EXCUSE ME?!" Laurie roared. "Oh, that is it! Let me at him!"
"Fear not!" Leonard said, putting himself between them. "For I have discovered a new ability of mine. Peacemaking! Alejandro could not compete, and after what he said I'm not sure Laurie wants to either. So I shall compete in the stead of all of you!"
His team gasped.
"What?! Are you for real?" Leshawna asked.
"Um, Leonard, that's nice and all, but are you sure that's a good idea?" Cody added.
"Chris wanted us to work as a team. And I know from experience that one soldier cannot pull off an entire mission alone," Brick pointed out.
"Yes, but I have MAGIC!"
Team Leukine simply sat back and relaxed as Leonard took it upon himself to use his "magic" to "levitate" the organs out. He was doing all their work for them.
Twenty-seven more minutes of this later
"Wow. Disappointing, Team Sanguine," Chris said. Only the spleen, an ear, and part of the intestine – what Alejandro had brought up – were assembled. "Seven percent completion gives you seven points. It'd take the last team failing entirely for you to be safe."
Everyone who wasn't glaring at Alejandro was glaring at a clueless Leonard, who was trying to fix his staff in vain. Because it was just an ordinary piece of wood.
"Choleric! You're up!"
Choleric
"You're going in first!" Heather seethed.
"No, you are!" Taylor hissed.
"I'm going to go in first, just so I don't have to hear you two bicker," Noah said finally. "Justin, lower me in."
"Of course," Justin said, using the opportunity to show off his muscles. Amy sighed dreamily. Ryan rolled his eyes and showed off his even bigger muscles to Stephanie, who squealed in delight.
As Noah was lowered into the tank, Jo nodded her head in approval. "The little guy is strong-willed," she said. "He'll make it far. Maybe I should form an alliance with him."
"In your dreams," Eva scoffed. "He's not a big fan of people. You'd have to share his extremely cynical worldview for him to consider you worthy of his time."
"Fair enough. I like that he has standards. Someone would need to have a really good reason to make an alliance with him."
And that's when Emma realized she had a chance to make up with Noah. She didn't know him well, but she figured Blaineley had yelled at him for the same reasons Emma had been yelled at, that elitist has-been. But Emma needed him to know that she did, in fact, sympathize with him. After what had happened with Jake...
Then Max cut the rope of the fishing line, forcing Eva to kick a hole in the glass tank to save Noah. Murky cinnamon water and one disgruntled Indian nerd spilled onto the ground.
"My shoes!" Taylor wailed as the water surged onto her black leather pumps. "My mom paid $78 for these!"
"I told you you'd want to bring sneakers," Chris said from nearby. Taylor threw her ruined pumps at his head (they missed and were caught by Izzy, who decided to pretend she was a spy and the right shoe was secretly a phone) and tromped barefoot back to her cabin to retrieve her sneakers. Heather burst out laughing while Noah wrung out his shirt.
Twenty-five more minutes of this later
"Annnd time!" The head, chest, and lower body of the mannequin were finished. "Okay," Chris said. "Seventy-eight percent complete, seventy-eight points. You're safe! Leukine, nice work sabotaging Choleric and Melancholic, you're also safe! Sanguine, meet me at the campfire at eight! You're sending someone home!"
Confessional – Tammy.
"It was the curse of Ezekiel who kept my team from winning Sunday," Tammy said. "He must have made us lose today, too, after that sinful book flew at him." She wrote EZEKIEL on a piece of paper.
Confessional – Jen.
"Rodney makes me uncomfortable," Jen said, writing RODNEY on a piece of paper.
Confessional – Brody.
"Dude. What you said to Laurie? Not cool. Bridgette's a vegetarian, and she's super rad. I have to vote for you," Brody said. He wrote AL on a piece of paper and stopped. "How do I spell your name again?"
Confessional – Brick.
"Leonard, I respect your creativity, but fantasy has no place on the battlefield," Brick said, writing LEONARD on a piece of paper.
"Here's how elimination works," Chris said. "We use the marshmallow system here. When I call your name, come get one." He showed Team Sanguine a plate of twenty marshmallows, four of which were colored. "The marshmallows are color-coded to show how many votes you got so we can increase the dramatic tension exponentially. White means no votes against you, and the recipients are Cody, Brody, Jasmine O., Leshawna, Katie, Sadie, Tammy, Laurie, Miles, Shawn, Brick, Sanders, Shawn, Brady, Tom, and Jen."
"Laurie and I can't accept those. We're vegans, and marshmallow gelatin comes from horse bones," Miles said.
"These ARE vegan."
"You sure?"
"Yep!" Chris lied.
Miles shrugged and she and Laurie got the last white marshmallows. "I don't remember vegan marshmallows tasting so good!" Miles said to Laurie as they ate.
"Me either!" Laurie replied with her mouth full, unintentionally spraying a little white goo onto Shawn's face.
Heh heh...sucker, Chris thought. He separated the blue marshmallow from the other colored ones. "Blue means you received only one vote against you. Today, that person is Rodney." Rodney got his marshmallow, and on his way back to his seat Jen hissed at him, catching him offguard.
"Green means you got more than one vote, but are still safe. Zeke, you have two votes against you." Zeke noticed Leonard and Tammy glaring at him. He gulped and nervously got his marshmallow.
Just two differently-colored marshmallows remained. "Orange means you're on the chopping block, but are safe. Red means you're gone for good. Alejandro. Leonard."
The boys looked at him.
"Alejandro, you made fun of Laurie for being a special little snowflake. Not cool. Leonard, you didn't help your team at ALL today, and in fact ensured none of Team Leukine needed to go sabotage you. And with four votes against him...
...
...
...
...
"Alejandro is safe!"
Alejandro sighed in relief and turned around to face a disappointed Laurie. "Querida Laurie, I apologize for my earlier behavior. I got caught up in the competition and took it out on my teammates. Friends?"
"Eat less pork and we'll see," Laurie replied. "You really need to be more open-minded."
"Come to think of it, perhaps it is you and your lover who are the ones in need of opening your minds." Laurie and Miles looked at each other, confused, as Alejandro left the campfire, which backlit him ominously.
"Any thoughts, Leonard, before school claims you as its slave again?" Chris asked the dumbfounded LARPer.
"Just one. Tammy, I think I'm forced to use my most powerful spell yet to protect myself. REWINDUS BINDUS MAKE EZEKIEL GONEUS!"
Nothing happened, obviously.
"Uh, dude? Magic isn't real," Chris said. Leonard fainted. "Take him away!" he barked to some red-shirted interns, who dragged him to the Dock of Shame and sent him away.
"LEONARD!" Tammy wailed sadly.
"Good riddance, I say," Tom scoffed. "That fake beard was like, sooooo tacky!"
Confessional – Ellody.
"One LARPer down, one to go," Ellody sighed happily. "Oh, and those WEREN'T vegan marshmallows. Real vegan marshmallows have a different consistency from regular marshmallows."
Confessional – Chef.
"It was too [d word] hard to find vegan marshmallows in the amount we're gonna use up through this series," Chef, still wearing his battle paint, grumbled. "Those green-scarfing maggots need to stop shunning two of the basic food groups and grow up."
Confessional – Alejandro.
"It was a risk, letting some of the votes come my way," Alejandro admitted. "But it was necessary to set up the circumstances that led to kicking off the wizard boy. If I'm going to win el million, I'm going to have to play dirty." He chuckled evilly. "Those fools won't know what hit them. Well, except maybe Heather. But I have plans for her, too," he added sinisterly.
"Two down. Eighty-two to go," Chris said as he walked through the forest. "Who will muscle their way into stardom, and who will be expelled from the bowels of the Dock of Shame? Find out on
"Total.
"Drama!"
A mannequin's head rolled up next to his feet. Chris screamed and fled. The source of the head were revealed to be Jo and Scott from Team Choleric, who'd pranked Chris with their mannequin's fully-assembled head. The two delinquents laughed at the scene.
Votes:
Cody – Leonard
Alejandro – Leonard
Brady – Leonard
Jasmine O. – Leonard
Leshawna – Leonard
Leonard – Zeke
Tammy – Zeke
Katie – Leonard
Sadie – Leonard
Laurie – Alejandro
Miles – Alejandro
Shawn – Leonard
Rodney – Leonard
Zeke – Leonard
Brick – Leonard
Tyler – Leonard
Brody – Alejandro
Sanders – Alejandro
Tom – Leonard
Jen – Rodney
Results: 13-4-2-1 Leonard-Alejandro-Zeke-Rodney
Eliminated: Staci, Leonard
Bonus clip:
Geoff and Bridgette were making their way to the good cabin when they smelled something. It was a smelly smell that smelled...smelly. Like pomegranates and blueberries, blended together, with a hint of cheese in the background.
Then, out of the blue, they began making out, grossing out Zoey and Phil (who were looking out of the cabin's windows) but intriguing Sierra, who took a picture.
Little did they know that the seemingly innocent flowers behind the cabin were responsible.