Total Highschool Drama Chapter 23: 1-16: Niagara Brawls, a total drama series fanfic

Review time!

Gucci Mane LaFlare: Thanks! What Max discovered will be revealed after Aftermath III (the "After the Aftermath" segments occur after the Aftermath episode itself has aired; only the readers can see it). In an internet-themed challenge, I had to pay tribute to the fanfictions that inspired this one. Unfinished Business introduced me to Codammy as a valid pairing, Total Drama Chris (which I've never read in full due to its incredible wordiness) inspired me to have Chris as the main antagonist of this story, and the rest inspired the characterizations and gags used in THD. That said, there are bad fanfictions (such as those of AlmightyGeorgiaCrusher, who I referenced with the AB/DL scene) out there, and I feel someone has to stand up for good taste in literature, even if it's fanmade. I advise you to go check out the ones you aren't familiar with so they can feel the love!

StarHeart Specials: Thanks! If the fanfiction scene doesn't get me onto TVTropes, I don't know what will. XD Fun fact: I copied the previous 22 chapters into Word and the story's already 423 1/3 pages long. And when finished it'll have almost five times that many chapters. In other words this story will most likely end up THE longest single TD fanfic on the site if not one of them at over 2100 pages long. Sheesh, I have my work cut out for me. I hope this chapter's title gives you some clue to where they're going. Also, I'm probably not going to adapt Moon Madness as I'm trying to stay away from the All-Stars episodes, and Total Drama S1E18 will be a different, older episode. Hope that gives you enough hints.

Lara2244: Thanks! The strangeness is kinda the point, to show that Chris isn't as smart as he claims to be.

AN: The Emoticon Film is the TD incarnation of The Emoji Movie. In case you're wondering about the victory dinner last chapter, I wasn't able to find good substitute names for Mountain Dew and Doritos, so I described what they actually are and lampshaded that as a gag.

Wednesday, October 25, 2017

"Last time on Total Drama – The Emoticon Film had nothing on us! [Sierra and Topher flying through the internet] Four teams of memes went head-to-pixellated-head in a popularity contest. [the voting] They were the LOLcats [Brady's meme], the Weebs [Leshawna's meme], the Anger Toons [Eva's meme], and the Demovitators [Tyler's meme]. Once they voted on whose memes they liked best, they went surfing [Surfer Dudes United getting excited] – on a swell digital swell! [the storm] The Weebs were voted to be the funniest, so they got some protection. [Beardo receiving the shield] From what, you may ask? From the Bugs! [Sierra and Topher getting into mischief in the fanfictions; cut to them attacking the surfers] Alejandro thought for sure he'd win [Alejandro starting the flame war], but in the end, Beth carried the LOLcats to victory. [Beth typing her name] However, his plan to get unpopular wannabe villain Max [Max's meme] voted out worked like a charm. [Max's elimination]"

Pan out to reveal Chris was on a plane. This time he remembered not to bother the pilot and was instead sitting in first class. "Today we're doing something different. Earlier today, we broke our contestants into three teams of twenty-three apiece. Why? Simple. Each eighth challenge is a Total Drama Field Trip to a location that isn't disclosed...yet." Chris got up from his chair and stretched open his arms widely. "Sixty-nine contestants remain. Which team is the answer to 'Who'll win today's challenge?' and what pairs won't be spared? Find out in today's special-length episode of

"Total.

"Drama!"

Theme song

*Instrumental*

A camera appeared from the bushes, scaring off a squirrel. Another came from a tree, startling a blue jay. The third popped out of the ground, hitting a passing Harold in the groin. Duncan and Jacques laughed at him.

Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine

You guys are on my mind

The camera flew across the island, passing Chris on a beach chair getting massaged by an intern, Dawn meditating with Zoey, Brady and Beth on a rope swing together, Leonard and Tammy casting "spells" while Ella watched, Crimson and Ennui staring blankly into space, and Chet and Lorenzo fighting to the disapproval of Ellody and Mary.

You asked me what I wanted to be

And now I think it's plain to see

DJ, Miles, and Laurie were one with the animals. That is, until a mutant gopher showed up. They screamed and ran away. Pan to Scott, Lightning, and Jo, who'd disrupted the session with the gopher. They high-fived.

I wanna be famous

Heather, Josee, and Taylor battled it out on a rubber raft. The raft fell off a waterfall, taking them with it. Bridgette, Geoff, and Brody watched.

*Instrumental*

The three girls found Owen underwater. Owen farted, sending the rivals and more than a few dead fish to the surface. Above, Zeke, Mike, and Rodney were fishing in a little boat when the lake became littered with fish and three teenage girls. Zeke grabbed one of the dead fish and triumphantly held it over his head, while Rodney began checking out Taylor's rear.

I want to live close to the sun

Well, pack your bags cause I've already won.

At one of the beaches, Katie and Sadie admired Justin. Behind them, Justin's ex Lauren sighed sadly. On the other side of the beach, Izzy, wearing a spider costume, was chasing Cameron, Dakota, and Sam for no apparent reason.

Everything to prove nothing in my way

I'll get there one day

Chef was cooking some disgusting green slop in the cafeteria. Kitty and Junior looked at each other, frightened of what was to come. Behind them sat Tyler, Leshawna, Ryan, both of the Jasmines (looking at each other, very confused), Lindsay, Mickey and Jay, and Shawn. Dave obsessively cleaned the tables, while B looked on.

'Cuz I wanna be famous

Sierra had Cody in a headlock out of love. Amy had Sammy in one out of hate. Cody and Sammy looked at each other and sighed.

Na na nana na na nana nana na na na na na naaaaah

Rock and Spud air-guitared. Courtney and Gwen looked at each other with raised eyebrows. Then they saw Trent jamming with them. He stopped and smiled sheepishly at the girls.

I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous

Carrie and Devin sat together on the dock, watching Tom, Jen, and Anne Maria compare fashion tips. Then the dock gave out under them, sending them into the water. It turned out Alejandro had been responsible. He grinned evilly at the camera.

I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous.

Topher cockily smiled at Eva, who decked him in response. Behind them, Scarlett and Max passed through a field of lustblossoms, and suddenly began making out.

*Whistling*

At the campfire, as the other campers I didn't have time to name looked on excitedly, Noah and Emma looked each other in the eyes...and then Sugar interrupted the moment by appearing between them. Angry, Emma started chasing Sugar around the camp to the amusement of the others, while Noah stared apathetically at the camera.

Grooms

"I wonder if we're going to the US this time," Harold said to Justin. "I mean, we didn't leave that long ago, so we can't be going that far."

Justin nodded. "I'd like to see more of my homeland. I only saw a little bit of Molokai before I moved to Muskoka, so that's all I really know."

"Hey look, Niagara Falls!" Devin exclaimed. Everyone on the plane looked out the window to see North America's largest (set of) waterfall(s).

"Wow," Cameron breathed, taking it in.

"Niagara Falls? Slowly I turn, step by step, pace by pace–" Harold pulled out a pie from behind his back to complete the "I Love Lucy" homage. "Now who can I bean in the face with this so they like, don't mind it that much?"

"Ooh, ooh, ooh, me!" Harold tossed it at Owen, who snatched it out of midair and began eating it. "Ooohohohoho, black currant! This is fancy stuff!"

"Owen, would you mind not spraying crumbs all over me?" Noah, who was sitting next to his massive friend, asked crossly.

"Oh, sorry. Heh heh." Noah turned away. "Still bummed about not being able to tell Emma you like her?"

"I never said it was that."

"But it's so obvious! Y'know, little buddy, maybe you do need someone special in your life. Someone who'll care. Someone who'll understand. Someone...who's able to make you truly happy."

Noah glanced at him and smiled a bit. "For a ball of lard, you sure know a lot about love."

"Helps that I've had practice with Izzy."

Noah's eyes widened. "Wait. Niagara Falls, one of the world's most popular honeymoon destinations. And our team's almost completely male. I think I know what our challenge is.

Some time later

"But I was NOT expecting THIS to be involved!" he cried. Chef was packing his entire team into a gigantic slot machine. And a brown bear, on Chris' orders.

Once Chef was done, he looked expectantly at Chris. "Chris, what on Earth is goin' on here?"

"Ah, good question." To the remaining two teams, he said, "Okay everyone, want to learn some trivia?"

"Sure, why not?" Mary asked.

"Each of you have been given a piece of paper with a specific color. I want you to find the person on the other team with the same color as yours. For reference, the colors will be shown here." Chris pressed a button on his remote. A wall mounted on motorized wheels rolled onto the stage next to the slot machine. It was covered in pieces of colored paper tacked to it. The colors of the papers were red, orange, yellow, green, cyan, blue, purple, black, white, gray, pink, brown, chartreuse, magenta, indigo, red-orange, cherry red, yellow-orange, gold, silver, light blue, lavender, and teal. Everyone quickly found their assigned person and waited for further instructions.

"If you got a triangular paper, you are the Brides. If you got a square one, you are their Helper. Niagara Falls is a popular honeymooning spot, and that will be the theme of today's challenge."

"For after all, today marks ten years of marital bliss with Chris!" came a familiar voice. Everyone gulped when they saw Blaineley enter the stage. "Chris and I went on honeymoon to Niagara Falls, in fact, so we're celebrating by making you relive our experience in this special double-length episode!"

"Uh, need I remind you that most of us are, y'know, MINORS?!" Courtney pointed out.

"Well, you're not going through that part," Chris corrected her, chuckling to himself a bit. "But for the first part of the challenge, you will need to pick a husband. And Courtney, since you so kindly volunteered, you get to go first."

Courtney sighed and pulled the slot machine's lever. She got the bear, which tumbled out and quickly ran away. "Well, so much for that idea," Chris sighed. Courtney pulled the lever again and got Duncan. She picked him up by the arm and dragged him off.

"Mary, since you wanted to know what the trivia was, you're next." She got Lorenzo. "Miles?" She got Laurie. "Bridgette?" She got Geoff. "Josee?" She got Jacques.

"Hey, this seems a little rigged," Topher piped up. "All the couples we've seen are real."

"No, they're random!" Blaineley replied. "See for yourself." Topher pulled the lever and got...Beardo?

"Well, this is awkward," Beardo said, scratching his afro in confusion.

"Just shut up and let me drag you, I think Owen farted in there," Topher replied crossly as the smell made itself known.

"I can't help it! I get gassy when I'm nervous!" Owen called from inside the slot machine. Izzy quickly ran up, pulled the lever, and freed her boyfriend. "Oh, thank gushers!"

Confessional – Chris.

"It's not completely random. Our fans would be reeeeeally ticked if some of the couples got broken up, so I devised a setup so I could control who got who. And I also wanted to pair people of incompatible orientations together because hey, it's funny. Although...the next bit went a little pear-shaped."

Katie pulled the lever and got Sadie. "Well, this is new," she mused. "But hey, if I had to marry a girl, it'd be you."

"Oh my gosh! Same!" Sadie replied happily. They squeed together, hurting the ears of almost everyone around them.

"Why does that not surprise me at all?" Heather asked, shaking her head. She pulled the lever and got Alejandro. "Hm, that's funny, I thought I'd get someone taller." Alejandro stuck out his tongue at her immaturely in response.

"Sorry girl, but Ryan's taken," Stephanie interrupted, before proceeding to get her boyfriend.

"I still can't believe you two were at each other's throats when you first met," Leshawna chuckled. She pulled the lever and got Harold, whose jaw dropped when he realized who he was with. Dawn had a similar reaction when she got DJ.

Now it was Emma's turn, something Chris noticed. "Chef, I thought Noah was with the Helpers."

"Trent didn't want to be a Groom, so he and Noah switched," was the gruff reply.

"Why not?"

"Because Trent's ace."

"Well, yeah, we know he's an ace," Blaineley said.

Chef groaned. "I meant he's an aromantic asexual, maggots! As in, someone who doesn't feel romantic love or the desire to play the hanky panky?"

"Ohhh!" they said in realization. As soon as Chef turned around, though, Chris and Blaineley's smiles faltered and they looked at each other, worried. They'd deliberately stuck Noah with the Helpers in the vain hopes of keeping him and Emma apart long enough. But the laws of nature, it seemed, had other plans.

Emma pulled the lever. Chris tried to time the secret stopper just right so she wouldn't get him. But his timing was off, and Emma did, in fact, get Noah. "Fancy meeting you here," Noah said.

"Yes, I suppose. Now come on, we don't have all day." Emma pulled Noah up with her hands, dark red-tipped fingers momentarily intertwining with Noah's bare ones.

Watching from afar in approval, Trent and Gwen silently fist-bumped.

Confessional – Trent and Gwen.

"When Trent and I dated in ninth grade, I heard rumors that Trent had a history of going through many girlfriends," Gwen stated.

"I did. And I had no idea why! But I just couldn't bring myself to show romantic affection. When I told Gwen this, she knew exactly what I was and told me. I've been a lot happier knowing who I am."

"He's been a great friend," Gwen said, cheerfully punching his shoulder, "and we want to be one to Noah and Emma, even if they're not too sociable themselves. We hope that Trent switching with Noah will work."

The rest went more or less smoothly. MacArthur got Brody (he was elated at this), Eva got Zeke (who gulped in fear), Zoey got Mike (well, Chester actually, he came out when Owen farted), Ella got Justin (she didn't care, as long as he was nice to her), Jasmine got Shawn (both were a bit confused but shrugged it off), Crimson got Ennui (no reaction, of course), Lindsay got Tyler (who shot out of the slot machine and got his head embedded in the wall), Carrie got Devin (and tried in vain to hide the blush on her cheeks), Beth got Brady (and breathed a sigh of relief when she did), and finally, Sugar got stuck with Amy (and neither were particularly happy about this).

"Okay, we've paired everyone up, so now Blaineley will take over," Chris said, handing his remote to his wife.

Blaineley beamed. Here she was, finally getting to host actual reality TV and not the stupid, useless Aftermaths! "I'll need everyone who got a square slip of paper to come with me to the other concert hall.

Helpers

"For this is why you're a Helper!" she announced as the team looked out across the stage. "Each of you has been given a specific dress, which we've color-coded for this challenge." Twenty-three differently-colored dresses hung at the other end; between them and the teens were several obstacles – numerous tires, tripwires, pillars, and low-hanging beams.

"But I thought white was traditional," Scott said, confused.

"Only because everyone wanted to emulate Queen Victoria when she wore a white dress at her wedding," Jen explained.

"Yeah, before her everyone just wore their best dress," Tom added.

"Exactly!" Blaineley agreed. "Having them different colors is part of this game. You gotta cross this path blindfolded and get to the dress that matches the color of your piece of paper. If you don't get the right one, you have to start it all over again." She handed black cloths to the teens. "This will prove your worth to the couple you're helping out. Now get to it!"

It was pure chaos. People got tripped and smacked into things all over the place. But eventually, they began reaching the dresses.

Dave was the first to find his, collapsing at the hem of the modest purple dress. Next was Gwen, who'd managed to avoid most of the obstacles and nodded thoughtfully at the dress Courtney would be wearing, which was the Highstrung CIT's favorite shade of green. After that, in order Jo, Scott, Sanders, Jay, B, Trent, Scarlett, Cody, Sierra, Tom, Kitty, Jen, Sky, Cameron, Brick, Sam, Taylor, Sammy, Lauren, Junior, and Lightning successfully got the dresses for the brides.

"Heh, looks like Brightning's not as good as he thinks," Jo chuckled on seeing her rival find his group's dress last.

"Hey! Lightning was blindfolded! You know that's not a sha-fair thing!" he defended himself.

"Dude, so was I, in case you forgot, which knowing you you probably did."

"Ah, drama," Blaineley sighed happily. "But that can wait until later! Right now you have to find the Brides you've been assigned and dress them up! Meanwhile the interns will take care of the Grooms."

"Um, ma'am, do we get to be dressed up too?" Brick asked.

"Nope! And trust me, you won't want to be for part two." Blaineley chuckled darkly and left.

"That's interesting, I never thought you'd be into fashion," Tom said as he approached Brick.

Brick sighed. "Yeah, I've been...interested in that, even know how to sew. But I'm not comfortable sharing it because...I don't want to be seen as weak."

"You're not weak!" Jen admonished. "Knowing how to fix your own clothes is an important skill. Besides, someone has to design the military uniforms."

Brick stood taller. "I needed that, Jen. Thank you."

"No problemo."

Key: first in brackets is Groom, second is Bride, outside brackets is Helper, between semicolons are assigned group.

[Noah, Emma] Kitty; [Devin, Carrie] Scarlett; [Brady, Beth] Cody; [Duncan, Courtney] Gwen; [Harold, Leshawna] Trent; [Shawn, Jasmine] Sammy; [Lorenzo, Mary] Dave; [Laurie, Miles] Jay; [Mike, Zoey] B; [Owen, Izzy] Cameron; [DJ, Dawn] Brick; [Justin, Ella] Tom; [Ryan, Stephanie] Sanders; [Geoff, Bridgette] Lightning; [Jacques, Josee] Jen; [Brody, MacArthur] Sky; [Alejandro, Heather] Scott; [Tyler, Lindsay] Lauren; [Beardo, Topher] Jo; [Katie, Sadie] Taylor; [Zeke, Eva] Junior; [Ennui, Crimson] Sierra; [Amy, Sugar] Sam.

Grooms

"Nervous, brah?" Geoff asked Brody.

"Yeah, man...what if Val doesn't like me?"

"Don't worry, dude! Just find out what you have in common and expand from there. It's how Bridgette and I hooked up."

"It is? Aw, thanks dude!"

"I thought for sure THEY'D be together," Duncan muttered as he watched the spectacle.

"Well, yes, in a place where cousin marriage is legal," Alejandro replied, reminding him that Geoff and Brody's fathers were brothers.

Duncan rolled his eyes at this, not really caring. "Yeah, whatever. So who are we voting for?"

"I already spoke with Devin, Brady, and Ryan, and we've agreed that should we lose, we're voting out Tyler. His clumsiness is only proving himself a hindrance, plus he may hurt himself."

"Eh, who cares if he busts his head open? Frankly that'd be an improvement. But yeah, he's a klutz, so we should get rid of him now when we have the chance."

Unbeknownst to them, their target heard everything.

"Guys! Alejandro's alliance is after me!" Tyler wailed softly to Noah and Mike.

"Well I knew Duncan would do something like that, but it still amazes me how Alejandro's so quick to throw others under the bus," Mike pondered. "Noah, you're absolutely right, he really IS a snake!"

"One of the slipperiest," Noah replied. "Tyler, thanks for telling me. We NEED to cripple the Guy's Alliance ASAP, and I think I'd be able to convince Owen, Beardo, and Shawn to go vote for Duncan. With six votes against five, we're more likely to succeed than they are."

"Good idea, I'll go tell them." Mike left his friends with each other.

"I wish I was in your position, Noah," Tyler admitted. "You and Emma've only known each other for seven weeks, yet you're already closer to her than Lindsay and I have been for the last two years. Don't let her get away, Noah; tell her how you feel about her."

Noah looked uneasy.

Brides and Helpers

"I dunno, Sammy. Me and Shawn?" Jasmine asked as Sammy helped the Outback Survivalist zip up her cobalt salt blue dress/suit hybrid.

"I can see it," Sammy replied cheerfully. "You're both into surviving danger and know a lot of stuff."

Jasmine considered this and smiled. "Well crikey, you've got a point there sweetie."

Sammy sighed. "Though I wish I could get a boyfriend. But who'd want to date me?" She teared up a little.

Jasmine patted her back. "Don't let Amy get to ya. She's got nothing on you. And so what if there are a bunch of guys you know who don't see you that way? There's probably at least one who does."

Sammy wiped her eyes. "T-thanks, Jasmine."

"Anytime."

"You sure you know what you're doing?" Courtney asked as Gwen brushed her hair.

"Of course I do. My dye doesn't do itself, so giving you a ponytail is child's play by comparison." Gwen took the hair tie from her mouth and wrapped it around the base of Courtney's bob. "There."

Courtney studied herself in the mirror. "Hm. Not bad. Anyway, this has been bothering me for a while but I've never gotten a chance to ask: what's with you and Heather?"

Gwen growled softly. "This was before you met either of us. Heather, as you know, wasn't originally from the Muskoka School District, but transferred into it in eighth. Right from the start I knew she was spoiled and selfish, and I wasn't afraid to call her out on it."

"And I guess that's when she stole your diary?" Courtney asked, recalling it being mentioned during the fourth challenge.

"Yep. So I posted about that on my blog, and Heather commented on it rudely, and...well, it kinda devolved into a flame war."

"Is this how you met Leshawna's group? Because it always seemed strange that you're friends with someone who doesn't share your interests."

"Well, originally I didn't know them at all. But Leshawna was the first person to stick up for me online, and I met her and her friends from there. We don't share all the same interests, but we do have similar life philosophies, and we respect each other that way."

Courtney nodded thoughtfully. "Good to know. Speaking of which, who do you think I should vote for?"

"Mary, probably. She's part of an alliance that's pretty much entirely a mental threat. I mean, I don't think I want to hurt Cody's chances of winning, but I think the Geeks might be a little overpowered right now."

"And the Misfits?"

"We can wait to start breaking them down until after Noah and Emma are together."

"Oh, of course! I want to see them hook up ASAP!"

Emma was a bit more...uneasy about this prospect.

"C'mon Em, this is your best shot! You know Chris is probably gonna try to keep you two off the same team if you don't tell him!" Kitty exclaimed as she helped her sister with a regal red robe with wide, flowing sleeves.

"And I doubt he'd laugh at you for your issues," Ella mentioned offhandedly as she passed.

Emma glared at Kitty. "You told her."

"A lot of people in our alliance were willing to listen, actually." Kitty wasn't afraid to stand up for herself now. "Emma, trust me when I say you can't let this stay bottled inside for too long. It'll destroy you! Look, Noah's probably been humiliated in various ways too. I mean, the guy has EIGHT older siblings for Pete's sake! He had to have had a rough childhood. So the sooner you tell him about your past AND your feelings for him, the better things will be for all of us."

Emma sighed. She had to admit, though her sister didn't always take things seriously, this was one of the rare times she did. And right now, Emma needed to pull herself together.

"Okay everyone!" Blaineley announced as she entered the room where the Brides and Helpers were. She'd changed from her trademark red dress into a sand-colored one. "Time to meet your husbandos!"

The teams quickly sorted themselves into their respective colors. "I'm so glad there's hardly any lavender in our attire," Ennui said emotionlessly to Crimson. Indeed, the only lavender thing he was wearing was his tie, and the only lavender thing she had was a sprig of tall larkspur (Delphinium exaltatum) in her hat; the rest of their clothing was pure, solid black.

"And I that my flowers are lethal," she added.

Chris and Chef came onto the main stage. Being hosts, they were also dressed in clothes of a similar shade to Blaineley's dress. Well, mostly. Chris' suit was entirely sandy tan, with a dark teal tie for an accent. Chef, meanwhile, only had it as an undershirt; over it were a black robe and glasses, under his right arm was a thick blue book.

"Is that an encyclopedia?" Cody asked, to which Chef nodded.

"Why can't ya just use thah Bible?" Sugar asked.

"One, not all of us are Christians," Chris began.

Confessional – Lorenzo.

"But knowing him, he probably IS a Chris-tian. Hah!"

"Two, that encyclopedia's going to be very important for the actual challenge. Ever wonder why we put such an emphasis on trivia?

"Well look no further!" Everyone gasped when they saw a tightrope. Suspended over Niagara Falls. Chris turned to face the camera. "Who'll take the plunge? Find out after these messages."

Do da do da doo. Commercial break!

"And we're back!" Chris said to the audience. "Right now we're moving on to the actual challenge for today: walking over Niagara Falls by tightrope!"

"CHRIS DO YOU SERIOUSLY WANT US TO DIE?!" DJ shrieked.

"Calm down, it's okay," Dawn said, taking his hand in hers (momentarily getting the jitters when she did). "Look, there's a net." DJ opened his eyes to see the entire tightrope was surrounded by a tunnel made of thick black rope meshing, and calmed down.

"Yeah, but you still don't want to fall down. Blaineley, care to explain?"

"Why, certainly! Chef will take the Helpers to the other side by boat. The couples, meanwhile, will have to cross it themselves. Whoever's the stronger of the two must carry the other bridal-style. Once you've reached the other side in Buffalo, New York State, USA, Chef will ask you a trivia question about our sister nation. Get it right, and Chef will legalize your kinship AND give your team a point. Get it wrong, your team doesn't get the point and your ship doesn't set sail. The team with the least points at the end will eliminate someone. If you fall down while crossing the tightrope, you can still get across but your original question will be replaced with a MUCH harder one.

"The person answering the questions is the most intelligent member in the group as determined by that IQ test all incoming ninth graders at Pahkitew must take. You remember the one. For the grooms, that's Noah, Harold, Shawn, Justin, Jacques, Alejandro, Tyler, and Katie. For the Brides, that's Courtney, Mary, Izzy, Dawn, Bridgette, Topher, and Eva. For the Helpers, that's Scarlett, Cody, Jay, B, Sanders, Sky, Sierra, and Sam. Remember that, because only you can answer!"

"That all good?" Chris asked. Everyone nodded. "We're going in the order of who got the dresses, so Marenzo, you're up first! Dakota and Phil will help you with getting the order right. Helpers, go with Chef."

Key: first in brackets is Groom, second is Bride, outside brackets is Helper, between semicolons are assigned group. Underlined is the person answering the questions.

Purple Team: Marenzo

Lorenzo wasn't the strongest person, so he and Mary wound up getting the harder question. "Originally, you were going to be asked the identity of the state insect of New Jersey," Chef began, his encyclopedia open to the right page. "Now you must tell me: what are the scientific names of both of South Carolina's state insects?"

"The first one is Papilio glaucus, the eastern tiger swallowtail," Mary began. "The second..." she froze. "Shoot, I don't know it!"

"The second is Stagmomantis carolina, the Carolina mantis," Chef answered. "Current score is 0-0-0."

Green Team: Courtcan

As they crossed a few seconds later, Duncan carrying Courtney, he asked her "Why am I carrying you, princess? You're stronger and taller than me."

"Duncan, you're more than strong enough to carry me," Courtney replied bluntly. "That, and heels aren't the best shoes to wear when you're walking on a tightrope." To prove her point, she lifted her left leg to show Duncan her peeptoe pump-clad foot, her onyx-polished toenails peeking out of the tip.

"Fair enough."

They reached the other side. Chef flipped to another page in his encyclopedia. "Niagara Falls actually consists of three waterfalls; the one behind us is the only one that's on the Canadian side of the border AND on the American side. Which of the three did you cross?"

"Oh, that's easy," Courtney replied. "Horseshoe Falls!"

"Correct. Current score is 0-1-0. I now pronounce you two kids an item."

Confessional – Duncan.

"I'd rather be with Gwen," Duncan scoffed. "Courtney's been really fussy lately, but Gwen...she doesn't care about the kind of stuff Courtney does. So as soon as I get rid of Psycho, it's Goth Girl for breakfast. But not in that way, I'm not ready for that yet."

The following crossings were mostly uneventful.

Gold Team: Beardoffer

"In which state is firing a catapult illegal?" Chef asked Topher. Both boys wore matching metallic gold suits.

"Hm, probably somewhere stupid...Montana?"

"Close, but incorrect. The correct answer is Colorado. Current score is 0-1-0."

"Fine by me, Topher and I are straight anyways," Beardo said, before he and Topher quickly ran off in opposite directions.

Jo watched them flee and facepalmed. "Lightweights."

Cherry Red Team: Aleheather

"Normally I don't like you, but you really look nice in this color," Heather commented as they stepped off the tightrope. Alejandro was wearing his usual shirt (which turned out to be the almost the same color red as he was assigned) and matching slacks, while Heather was wearing a very skimpy spaghetti-strap dress that left little to the imagination (not that Alejandro needed it).

"Te amo tambien, mi amor. Sr. Chef, what is my question for today?"

"You think you know foreign languages, Diplobrat? Then tell me which language gave Massachusetts its name."

"The Massachusett tribe spoke Wopanaak, and the tribe's name means 'big mountain', which the state has many of."

"Correct. Current score is 1-1-0. I now pronounce you two kids an item."

Chartreuse Team: Stephryanie

Ryan and Stephanie were both wearing modest chartreuse suits, but it was Sanders who was answering the question. "The two states that do not observe Daylight Savings Time are Hawaii and Arizona."

"Correct. Current score is 1-1-1. I now pronounce your friends an item."

"Yes!" Stephanie punched the air.

Current scores:

Grooms – 1/8, 0 missed

Brides – 1/7, 2 missed

Helpers – 1/8, 0 missed

Black Team: M'laurie

"Uh, are there 500 miles worth of bookshelves in the Library of Congress?" Jay asked. Since Miles and Laurie, both clad in all-natural black cotton dresses, had fallen off the tightrope, he'd gotten this question instead of where the library was located.

"Incorrect. The correct answer is 838 miles. Current score is 1-1-1."

"Well, we all know the president of the US wouldn't want us to get married anyway," Miles grumbled.

"At least New York's a liberal state," Laurie murmured, "and doesn't think a tangerine is an acceptable elected official."

White Team: Zoke

"Where did modern American Sign Language originate?" Chef asked B, who signed the answer since he couldn't speak and didn't have any paper on him. "You're saying that Hartford, Connecticut is the most commonly-believed location of its invention, so that means you are correct. Current score is 1-1-2. I now pronounce your friends an item."

"Yeep!" Zoey, wearing a pimped-out white dress with a common daisy in her hair, squeaked. "This is so exciting!"

"Yeah!" Mike, wearing a simple white suit, agreed. "Though I'm just glad Svetlana was willing to do the tightrope part and not me!"

Well when was last time I had tightrope fun, da? Svetlana mentally asked him. She's good catch, Mike. Keep her, she added with regards to Zoey, though she said it quietly enough so he couldn't hear or feel it.

Cyan Team: Leharold

"So many people will laugh at me for not being able to carry you," Harold, dressed in a simple cyan sweater and matching sweatpants, muttered. Leshawna, who was wearing an elegant sky blue dress, was carrying him in her arms like a baby.

"Don't worry about it. I'm a big girl and you're a little man. I don't want to accidentally hurt you." Harold smiled at this, reminding her of a question that had bugged her for years. "String bean, I hafta ask: why do you like me? Is it because you've got a thing for black women?"

"No! Not that I don't think you're beautiful, it's just..." Harold thought for a bit, trying to figure out the best way to keep his foot out of his mouth, "I like you because you're so bold. You stand up for yourself, and for a lot of people, and don't let up until everyone gets fair treatment. I admire you for that."

"Well shucks, Harold," Leshawna chuckled. "I hafta admit, I think you're pretty good at that too. Plus your enthusiasm's cute. I could try dating you after the game, but you'll have to wait until then."

"I've waited this long," Harold said, secretly trying to hold back his urge to do the happy dance. Then his face fell. "Please, Leshawna, if your team does get elimination, don't vote for Mary. The Geek Alliance is having enough of a hard time staying strong as it is."

"Don't worry, Mary's cool with me. It's Heather I want gone, even more than Sugar; she may have voted off my best friend, but at least Sugar's not in an alliance. As long as we're discussing votin', maybe you should vote for Duncan."

"Yeah, the Misfits made a deal to help us if we help them, and I think they want him out too. Something about him being allied with Alejandro or whatever, gosh, I can't remember. But Duncan really hates me just for existing, so I'll vote for him too and help."

"Speaking of helping, what about helping us?" Trent asked when they reached the other side.

"Sure thing. Chef?" Harold asked, hopping to his feet from Leshawna's hold.

"What is the largest grocery store chain in the United States?"

"Walmart, with 3522 national and 699 neighborhood stores as well as 660 Sam's Clubs for a grand total of 4881 locations."

"Correct. Current score is 2-1-2. I now pronounce you two kids an item."

"Suh-WEET!"

Confessional – Harold.

"Eat THAT, Jacques and Josee's friends! I just confessed to the girl of my dreams and she said she'll try! But I shouldn't celebrate until Nemma becomes canon. I've shipped those two since I met Emma in my history class." He paused. "No, it's not weird! Gosh!"

Orange Team: Carrivin

"I can't believe I'm wearing a dress too," Devin said as he approached the other side. He and Carrie were wearing matching orange dresses. "Is it because Chris doesn't like me?"

"Perhaps. He does seem to make it fairly obvious who he dislikes," Scarlett noted.

"Don't worry, you look great regardless," Carrie cut in. "Shelley might be set in the 'traditional' ways, but I am most certainly not."

"Thanks Carrie," Devin said, perking up at bit.

"Scarlett," Chef began, "you're from England, right?"

"Indeed I am."

"Then tell me who King George the Third's queen was."

"How's that relevant to US history?" Devin asked.

"Because King George the Third was the one ruling England during the American Revolution," Scarlett explained. "His queen consort was Sophia Charlotte of Mecklenburg-Strelitz, born May 19th, 1744 and dead November 17th, 1818."

"Correct. Current score is 2-1-3. I now pronounce your friends an item." Carrie blushed hard, something only Scarlett noticed.

"Well, we're a little over a third of the way through, so it's a good time for a break!" Chris announced. "Who'll get the questions right next? Find out after these messages."

Do da do da doo. Commercial break!

"And we're back!" Chris announced. "Nine groups have gotten across the tightrope, but only six have gotten the questions right."

"So now we're waiting to see if Trent's lucky number truly is," Blaineley added. "Although seriously, what's the hold-up?"

Yellow Team: Bradybeth

"Sorry about that! That tightrope was harder to walk on than I thought," Brady apologized as he hoisted himself and Beth out of the net. He was wearing a black suit with a yellow undershirt and a daffodil in his lapel, whereas Beth was wearing a yellow sundress.

"Cody, originally you were going to be asked when Atlanta, Georgia was founded," Chef said to the Slick Geek. "But now you must tell me what its original name was."

"Uh...crap, I don't know."

"Its original name was Terminus. Current score is 2-1-3."

"At least you tried, Cody," Beth said, trying to sound optimistic.

"Yeah, at least there's that," Cody admitted. "But hey, you learn something new anyway."

Lavender Team: Crimsonnui

"Sierra, where did Edgar Allan Poe go to college?"

"Ooh, ooh, I know this one! He went to the University of Virginia but only for a year because he ran out of money."

"Correct. Current score is 2-1-4. I now pronounce your friends an item."

"I'm surprised you know so much about our favorite writer," Crimson told Sierra monotonously, though for once she and Ennui were subtly smiling.

"Poe's always been one of my favorites too. Now let's get out for the next people!"

Confessional – Sierra.

"Am I a little upset that I can't 'marry' Cody?" Sierra asked rhetorically. "Well, DUH! But I made some new friends today, so it's not all that bad."

Brown Team: Justella

"Cody once told me you're looking for a female vocalist," Ella said as they crossed. She was wearing a humble brown frock, he had a darker brown suit with a matching cape. "Are you?"

"Yeah, and he's right in that you'd be perfect for it."

"Thank you!~" she sang. Justin stared at her, confused, and she rubbed her arm nervously. "Um, sorry, I have echolalia and I tend to sing at inopportune times."

"S'okay, at least you're honest about it." They reached the other side.

"Fine time seeing you," Chef said. "Justin, which state has a mashed potato wrestling contest?"

"The state with the most potatoes, of course! It's Idaho."

"Incorrect. The correct answer is South Dakota."

"What?!"

"I know, it's weird, but it's true. Current score is 2-1-4."

"Don't feel bad, I would've gotten it wrong myself," Ella said reassuringly.

Confessional – Sugar.

"Of course she would! She's Ella!"

Current scores:

Grooms – 2/8, 1 missed

Brides – 1/7, 2 missed

Helpers – 4/8, 2 missed

Red Team: Nemma

Noah, dressed in a normal suit with a red bowtie, struggled to pick Emma up. "Ergh...gurk...GACK! Gah...I hate being skinny."

"Perhaps you would do better with someone not as big as you," Jacques said. He and Josee were both wearing glittery indigo ice dancing uniforms.

"Yes, like a parakeet!" Josee agreed. They laughed at their adversaries (despite technically being on the same teams). Noah frowned and managed to pick her up at last.

"C'mon, let's go," he grumbled as he walked onto the tightrope, careful not to slip.

"Couldn't agree more," Emma agreed, flipping them off (her hand pixellated when she did so) as she and Noah faded into the distance.

Josee growled. "How DARE she insult us! Jacques, we're going to go after them and beat them to the other side."

"A wise move. They'll be stuck with a hard question and we'll VOTE THEM OUT!" He easily picked up his smaller girlfriend with his much bigger muscles and pranced along the tightrope.

"[S word] [s word] [s word] [s word] [S WORD]!" Emma gulped. "Noah, they're gaining on us!"

"I know! I'm going as fast as I can!"

But it wasn't fast enough. Jacques plowed into them and sent them painfully into the net. He and Josee cackled evilly as they arrived at the other side.

Indigo Team: Jacsee

"What do you MEAN we have to wait?!" Jacques exclaimed.

"That's the rules. You HAVE to come in the order the dresses were obtained!" Chef barked back. "Now everyone has to wait until Noah and Emma come up."

Red-orange Team: Brodarthur

"Thanks a lot, ice nerds!" MacArthur hollered from the other side of the falls. She and Brody were wearing matching white-spotted vermillion speedos. More quietly, she said "I hope they're alright."

"Me too, brah," Brody said, putting his hand on her shoulder. Normally he'd be unable to, but this situation was serious. "Me too."

Red Team: Nemma

Noah groaned. "Ow..." He lifted his face off the mesh, revealing the gridded marks in his cheeks. He shook his head and the marks disappeared. Then he heard sobbing and found Emma curled up in the fetal position. "Emma? You alright?"

"No! I'm NOT! I've been nothing but humiliated on this piece of crap show!" she wept. "And for what? So some middle-aged, washed-up jerk can have one last taste of the limelight?"

"Emma, we've ALL been humiliated by this show." Suddenly, it clicked, and he understood everything. "Wait, this runs deep, doesn't it? This has something to do with what happened at Turtle Creek, doesn't it?"

"...Kitty told you too?"

"No, she didn't say anything. But I remember you saying you used to be popular but aren't now back in the grease challenge. I figured something at your old school had to have caused your fall from grace."

"It was less a fall and more like a forcible shove off it."

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

"I don't know...we're on TV..."

"And I don't give a [f word]. Emma, please. You can tell me anything. I promise, I won't laugh."

Emma looked at his face and saw he was being genuine. She sighed. "I knew I was only going to stay at Turtle Creek for only two years; my parents' jobs move around a lot. But for a while, those years were the best of my life. I made friends with the most popular clique of girls and boys, even had a boyfriend named Jake.

"But there was something different between us. My friends used their popularity simply to feed their lust for attention. I used it to be a role model and bring people together. They never understood why. And Jake was always distant. It wasn't until my last day there that I discovered the truth..."

Through the magic power of fiction, Noah saw exactly what happened.

June 16th, 2017. The last day of tenth grade. A much younger and chipper-looking Emma stood in front of a mass of people on the patio behind the school. "Well, I may no longer be in regular contact with you guys," she said, "but I hope to keep in touch!"

"Oh, Emma," a brown-eyed blonde named Brenda chuckled, "about that..."

She suddenly lunged forward and knocked Emma to the ground. Brenda and several others ganged up on her and began kicking and hitting her. They cleared away, and Emma was lifted to her feet by her hair. Jake, whose black eyes and hair matched his heart, sneered at her. Then he dropped her on the hard concrete ground and whistled. Several more people came forward and began hitting her with water balloons mixed with flour.

When they were done, Emma's clothes were torn, her body scraped and bruised, and she was dripping in paste. But that was nothing compared to the turmoil inside her mind when everything was revealed.

"We were NEVER your friends!" Brenda snarled. "You think just ANYONE can be popular?"

"Yeah!" a brown-eyed brunette boy, Carson, agreed. "Only, like, people like us are truly worthy of it."

"You need to be BORN popular!" a gray-eyed noirette, Vera, jumped in.

"But you were so naive and foolish," Jake said, his voice dripping more oilily than Alejandro's would if he drank the entire contents of a grease trap. "So we felt we needed to teach you a lesson. Oh, it was hard for us, because we NEVER liked you, and I NEVER loved you, but in the end, it paid off. You are nothing to me. Now beat it, you dumb [b word]."

Emma began crying and ran away. As she did, everyone there cheered for her suffering and for her misfortune. Well, almost everyone.

"Emma?" Emma saw her little sister run up to her. Close behind were their parents, Jason and Elmira Xin, who looked very concerned and saddened.

"Guys..." Emma choked. "I don't think I'm going to miss Turtle Creek."

"And I don't. My entire life there was built on a lie," present-day Emma spat. "It was then I realized that shallow people like them make it so only they can win, instead of giving everyone a fair chance. When I came to Pahkitew, I expected to find the same sorts of people...but I wasn't expecting to find the Misfits.

"You guys didn't even care about differences. Especially you, Noah. You're so apathetic towards life you literally cannot even CARE if someone's not like you so as long as they respect you in return. And I'm just...amazed you know how to deal with embarrassment."

"Yeah, that's pretty accurate. As for dignity, having eight older siblings meant that that was a rare commodity in my home."

Emma sighed. "That's why I wanted to make an alliance with you, Noah. Because...I needed to know there was someone willing to fight for what's right with me."

"Really, that incident explains everything," Noah said. "Your trust issues, your cynicism, your anger... I wasn't expecting to meet you either, but I think it's good that I did. I had all this power that I was afraid to wield, but you...you taught me how. And I'll be eternally grateful for that.

"I'm glad you told me. Knowing your past makes you more human and relatable. And besides, even if it doesn't work out between us, at least you've exposed your tormentors to the world." Emma gasped when she realized this. "So what do you say, Emma? Ready to show them what you're made of?" He extended out his hand.

Emma smiled and took it in hers. "Always."

"Took you long enough," Heather snarked when the Red Team finally arrived.

"Oh shut up, Heather," Gwen retorted.

"Originally, you were going to name all fifty state capitals and the capital of the country," Chef began. "But since you took so long getting here, you have to name the most-populated cities in each administrative division excluding the five US territories, in the form of a question, in song."

Noah looked him right in the eye. "I'll do it."

Confessional – Noah.

"Because Emma needs to learn that sometimes, it's okay to make a fool out of yourself. Laughing at oneself is a rare skill too many people think is unnecessary, when in reality it's one of the most vital."

Noah took a deep breath and began to sing. Behind him, violin music began playing and visuals of anthropomorphized states, colored in their flags, with either one or two pairs of legs depending on their shapes, could be seen dancing along.

There's New Orleans, Louisiana and Indianapolis, Indiana

And Columbus, which is the capital of Ohio;

There's Birmingham, Alabama, south of Billings in Montana,

Then there's Denver, Colorado under Boise, Idaho.

Texas has Houston, then we go north

To Massachusetts' Boston and NYC, New York,

South to Jacksonville in Florida, then to Washington, D.C.,

Then Albuquerque in New Mexico and Nashville, Tennessee.

I think Elvis died there or something.

Newark's in New Jersey, north of Kansas City, Missouri,

You've got Virginia Beach – where else? – Virginia, South Dakota has Sioux Falls.

There's Philadelphia, Pennsylvania and there's Portland up in Maine and

Here is Providence, Rhode Island and now there's Wilmington, Delaware.

Manchester, New Hampshire, really is just a quick jaunt

Westward ho to Burlington, which claims the state Vermont.

Bridgeport in Connecticut puts me into a state of bliss,

And Kansas has Wichita, Minnesota's got Minneapolis.

Not where the mall is, mind you.

Anchorage is in Alaska and then Omaha's in Nebraska,

And it's Charlotte down in North Carolina and then

There's Milwaukee in Wisconsin and Seattle out in Washington,

And Phoenix, Arizona, and Detroit's in Michigan.

Here's Honolulu, Hawaii's pride and joy,

Jackson, Mississippi and Chicago, Illinois,

Then there's South Carolina with Charleston down the way,

And Baltimore in Maryland on Chesapeake Bay.

They don't have a wonderful crime rate.

Cheyenne is in Wyoming, and perhaps right now you're homing

Out in Salt Lake City, Utah where the Mormons all roam.

Atlanta's down in Georgia, and there's Fargo in North Dakota,

And you can all go live in Louisville in your crap Kentucky home.

Portland in Oregon, and now from there we join

Little Rock in Arkansas and Iowa's Des Moines,

Los Angeles, California, and Oklahoma's OK City,

Charleston, West Virginia and Las Vegas in Nevada!

Are those the most-populated cities, by state?

Confessional – Cody and Bridgette.

"That's odd...I felt like we saw that in another fanfiction," Bridgette mused.

"Yeah," Cody concurred, "and the weirdest part was, I think I might've been the one singing it!"

Chef looked at Noah and broke into a grin. "Yes it is, maggot, and you even remembered to keep it in the form of a question! Current score is 3-1-4. I now pronounce you two kids an item!"

"R-really?" Emma asked, blushing.

"Yeah, I've noticed how you two look at each other. You're meant to be together. Now clear out so we can get the next team!"

"Oh, right, right." She and Noah walked away, hand in hand, as Jacques and Josee finally got to answer. Chef made sure it was a harder question as punishment ("You were going to be asked what the imprisonment rate of the US was. Now you must tell me how many people were killed by police in the US in 2014." "Err, 36?" Jacques guessed. "Incorrect. The correct answer is 1100. Yes, it's messed up. Current score is 3-1-4.").

"An item. He's right, I like you. As more than a friend," Emma said, still red, as soon as they were far away enough from the others. "Sorry if you don't feel that way, I just–"

"Emma, it's alright. To tell you the truth...I like you too," Noah said, blushing a little himself. "But I'm still a little...concerned you're not completely past the incident yet."

"You're right. I think we should take it slow until I'm ready for intimacy again."

"We can still make fun of Chris, though, right?"

Emma chuckled. "Fine by me." Then she grew serious. "Noah, when I was with Jake, I could get a little...obsessive at times. Will you promise to let me know when I'm getting that way?"

Noah looked at her and pulled her close before gently stroking her hair. "I promise."

Confessional – Kitty.

"Wa-HOO! Go Emma!"

Confessional – Owen.

"All right! Way to go Noah!"

Confessional – Beardo.

"Today is a great day in Misfit history. I'm so proud of them." Beardo used his voice to turn himself into a one-man audience clapping.

Confessional – Amy.

"They can reproduce," Amy, clad in a teal dress with a slit over her left leg, deadpanned. "Whoop-de-freakin'-doo."

"Well, that happened," Chris said, secretly upset that they were now officially together. "Who else is gonna hook up today? Find out after these messages."

Do da do da doo. Commercial break!

"And we're back!" Chris announced to the audience. "After a monumental confession and a really cheesy song from an even cheesier show, it's time to see who else will score!"

Red-orange Team: Brodarthur

"Which state had a trial against tomatoes, as until then they were believed to be poisonous?" Chef asked Sky.

"Uh, Florida?"

"Incorrect. The correct answer is New Jersey. Current score is 3-1-4."

Current scores:

Grooms – 3/8, 2 missed

Brides – 1/7, 2 missed

Helpers – 4/8, 3 missed

Gray Team: Izzowen

"Please don't go Brainzilla for this," Owen pleaded with his girlfriend as they reached the other side. Owen was clad in a gray suit with a matching top hat and a light blue necktie. Izzy wore a simple gray dress with a hole in the chest to expose the tops of her breasts (she, in her own words, preferred to have "freed nips" whenever possible).

"Who's Brainzilla?" Cameron asked.

"My IQ's like, 188, so when I use all of it it's like I become another person!" Izzy replied cheerfully. "Brainzilla's just my nickname for that state."

"Brainzilla-Izzy doesn't like me," Owen said sadly. "The last time she came out, she broke up with me."

"Awwwww, don't worry Big O!" Izzy cooed, hugging the Friendly Food Lover's neck. "I gave her a good spanking once I came back." Cameron made a perplexed face at this. "Hey Chef, what's my question?"

"Which career earns the highest pay in the United States?"

"Oh, that's easy! It's a football player!"

"Correct. Current score is 3-2-4. I now pronounce you two kids an item."

Pink Team: Dawn-J

"You're right, this isn't as scary as I thought it'd be," DJ commented. He was wearing a dark pink suit with khakis, a mauve undershirt, and of course his white beanie. Dawn wore a fluffy pink dress with leather boots and snuck her favorite color, teal, into her outfit via her headband, sash, lipstick, and nail polish.

"Yeah." Dawn swallowed. "Um, er, I hope Chef pronounces us an item."

"Me too, I'd hate to see your team fall behind. Or...are you talking about in real life?"

"The latter," she replied timidly. "Listen, I really like you. You're really kind and gentle. Although I'm not sure a synesthetic weirdo deserves you."

"Sure you do! Everyone needs love even if it's not romantic. But you're really nice too, so I'd like to give dating you a try."

"Oh thank you thank you thank you THANK YOU!" Dawn cried, kissing his cheek, leaving a lipstick mark behind and causing both to blush. They finally reached the other side of the falls.

"Heh heh, Cupid's workin' overtime today," Chef chuckled. "Now which state has a tree that's its own legal owner?"

"Georgia," Dawn answered confidently.

"Correct. Current score is 3-3-4. I now pronounce you two kids an item."

Dawn was so happy she fainted.

Confessional – Courtney.

"Finally we're getting some points."

Teal Team: Sugrami

"I didn't MEAN tah drop ya!" Sugar barked. She was wearing the same model of dress as Amy, which on her looked like it'd burst at any moment.

"Oh shut up and get outta my way, you fat cow," Amy growled in response.

"Glad I'm the one answering," Sam mused. "Chef?"

"Originally, you were going to be asked how many times larger than Rhode Island Alaska is. But since Sugar's got butterfingers (maybe literally, heh heh), you must tell me which is the best-known city of Alaska that's larger than the entire state of Delaware."

"Actually, many cities in Alaska are larger than the First State in terms of area. But the most famous of them would be Juneau, Alaska's capital."

"Correct. Current score is 3-3-5. I now pronounce your friends an item."

"WHAT?!" Amy and Sugar shrieked.

"And the Helpers have maxed out their possible score!" Chris announced. "If the Grooms don't screw up, they could win with six points. If the Brides don't mess up, they could tie it all up with five points."

Silver Team: KaSadie

Katie and Sadie were wearing matching metallic silver suits complete with top hats and canes. "What is the origin of Juneteenth?" Chef asked Katie.

"Slaves in Galveston, Texas didn't find out about the Emancipation Proclamation until June 19, 1865 after the Civil War had already ended," Katie replied.

"Correct. Current score is 4-3-5. I now pronounce you two kids an item."

"Eeeee!" Sadie squealed, impulsively kissing Katie on the lips. Then she started panicking. "Ohmygosh, I'm so sorry, I was in the heat of the moment!"

"Y'know," Katie pondered, "you're not a bad kisser. And hey, neither of us have boyfriends right now, and we've both known we were bi since seventh grade. So why not?"

"Oh, Katie!" Sadie crooned. The new couple walked away from Chef hand in hand.

"And once again, that doesn't surprise me at all," Heather smirked.

Blue Team: Shawnmine

"What does the 'S' in Harry S. Truman's name stand for?" Chef asked Shawn, who was clad in a blue version of his normal outfit.

"It's just the letter. His parents couldn't decide on a good middle name for him."

"Correct. Current score is 5-3-5. I now pronounce you two kids an item."

Yellow-orange Team: Lyler

"Sorry about dropping you, Linds," Tyler apologized after they got out of the net. Tyler was wearing a black suit with a yellow-orange undershirt and socks, his hair slicked back. Lindsay wore a yellow-orange dress that accentuated her mighty cleavage and her omnipresent azure bandanna.

"It's alright, I'm just glad we didn't go into the water," Lindsay replied. "It looks cold."

"The fact that falling into water from this height will break all your bones is clearly missed on her," Blaineley muttered, to which Chris nodded in agreement.

Chef flipped to a page in the back of the encyclopedia. "Originally, you were going to be asked what year the Birmingham church bombing happened in. Now you must tell me which state had a church bombing in 1950 but, since everyone was late, there were no casualties."

"Nebraska?" Tyler guessed.

"Correct. Current score is 6-3-5. I now pronounce you two kids an item."

"And the Grooms have now maxed out their score!" Chris announced. "Brides, it's up to you not to mess this up."

Current scores:

Grooms – 6/8, 2 missed

Brides – 3/7, 2 missed

Helpers – 5/8, 3 missed

Light Blue Team: Zekeva

"You soore I don't have to carreh yoo, eh?" Zeke asked. He was wearing a light blue suit with black slacks and sneakers; Eva's was the same but the colors were reversed. The Iron Woman had him slung over her massive shoulders.

"Positive. You'd break your back trying."

"But I was always told the girls had to be protected."

"...What."

"Me dad toold me it was my joob to keep my baby sisters outta trouble back home," Zeke explained.

"Zeke, I assure you every girl here can take care of themselves."

"Oh," he said sheepishly. "Sorry, stoopid homeschool moment."

"At least you apologized, that's good enough for me." They reached the other side.

"Eva, when was the last time the Liberty Bell was rung?"

"Februrary 22, 1846, on George Washington's birthday."

"Correct. Current score is 6-4-5. I now pronounce you two kids an item."

"Well of course loser ends up with mega-loser," Taylor scoffed. Suddenly, the world went dark. Taylor looked up to see Eva towering over her. Eva looked down, bared her teeth, and roared at her. Taylor was so frightened she wet herself (something Heather found most hilarious).

Magenta Team: Bridgeoff

Geoff simply wore a redder version of his normal shirt with a white undershirt. Bridgette wore a magenta dress and had her hair in a bun with two roses holding it up.

"Bridgette," Chef began, "you are our final person to answer a trivia question from Encyclopedia Chef Hatchettica. The Pledge of Allegiance was written by who?"

"Well, I know the 'under God' part was added for propaganda against Communism, which is meant to be completely secular," Bridgette replied, "but I'm sorry, I don't know who wrote it."

"The correct answer was 'The Youth's Companion', a 19th-century magazine that also sold flags. They published the pledge on September 8, 1892 to use nationalist fervor to sell more flags. This challenge's final score is 6-4-5."

"Which means the Grooms win!" Blaineley announced.

"Grooms, you did good and didn't get cold feet," Chris said. "Helpers, not too shabby. Brides, I'm sorry, but you lost."

"Maybe it would've helped if, y'know, all the answering teams were the same size?!" Courtney growled.

"Twenty-three isn't evenly divisible by three," Blaineley shrugged. "We did what we could but ultimately, you have no one to blame except each other."

"Now what kind of advice is that?" Jasmine asked incredulously.

"Bad," Ennui replied. Everyone had to laugh.

"Well, it's not all that bad," Cody said optimistically. "We got four new couples out of it." He gestured to Harold and Leshawna, Katie and Sadie, Dawn and DJ, and most importantly of all, Noah and Emma.

Sammy smiled. "Yeah, we did. Good job on getting them together, Helpers!" Her team cheered.

"Yeah, yeah, bleck," Chris groaned. "The Grooms get to ride in first-class on the way back. Someone else doesn't. Meet me in third class at eight, Brides, someone's going home once we get back to the island!"

Confessional – Heather.

"Courtney said Gwen wants to go for Mary," Heather explained. "And though I DO NOT want to consider her as part of my alliance, she does have a good point." She wrote MARY on a piece of paper. "I'm just glad she didn't bring her idol here."

Confessional – Eva.

"Emma said we should vote for Sugar because we're likely to have her leave," Eva scowled as she wrote SUGAR on a piece of paper. Then she brightened. "Emma and Noah finally got together. They'll be the power couple Jacques and Josee hope to be, but aren't."

Confessional – Josee.

"I HATE this!" Josee roared. "They made us look bad! Ohhhh, Emma, it's about time someone voted for YOU!" She hastily wrote EMMA on a piece of paper.

Confessional – Bridgette.

"Josee officially scares me," Bridgette said. "After the cave-in during the mine challenge, she's not only become incredibly claustrophobic, but hates being in third place more than ever. Please, I know I don't like you, but just get help already." She wrote JOSEE on a piece of paper.

"Here's how we stage our eliminations," Chris said. He was still wearing the suit he'd changed into for the day. "We use the marshmallow system here. When I call your name, come get one." Twenty-three marshmallows sat on the plate, seven of them colored. "The marshmallows are color-coded to show how many votes you got so we can pair you up with some drama. White means no votes against you, and the recipients are Carrie, Beth, Leshawna, Courtney, Jasmine, Miles, Zoey, Izzy, Dawn, Stephanie, Bridgette, Josee, MacArthur, Lindsay, Topher, Sadie, and Eva."

Once they were done, he pointed to the four blue marshmallows. "Blue means you received only one vote against you. Crimson, Ella, Josee, and Emma, come on up." Josee visibly steamed, while Emma just glared at her.

Chris pointed to the green marshmallow. "Green means you got more than one vote, but are still safe. Heather, you have three of them." Heather sighed dispassionately.

Two colored marshmallows were left. "Orange means you're on the chopping block, but are safe. Red means you're no longer accepted around here. Mary. Sugar."

Sugar beamed cockily. Mary gulped.

"Sugar, many people want you gone. Ditto you, Mary; and with you gone, your alliance loses its feminine touch. With only one more vote...

...

"Mary is gone!"

Mary sighed. "Seriously, guys?"

"Hey, it was Scylla or Charybdis," Jasmine replied.

"Note to self: use that for fifth VR challenge," Chris said to himself.

"Well, I hope Lorenzo won't end up like Ellody did," Mary sighed.

Confessional – Lorenzo.

"Sugar over Mary?! Dudes, NOT cool!" Lorenzo griped. "Still, she played well and got this far. Don't worry babe, I'll win this for you!"

Confessional – Leshawna.

"I feel so bad," Leshawna groaned. "I shoulda voted for Sugar and stuck her in a tiebreaker. At least then Mary'd have a chance of winning..."

Of course, she didn't know that Chris would've simply rigged the tiebreaker in Sugar's favor with no one the wiser.

Chris sat in first class with Blaineley. "Sixteen down. Sixty-eight remain. Who'll be recognized as the rightful winner and who'll fall to their dooms? Find out on

"Total.

"Drama!"

He and Blaineley began making out. One of the interns, a black-haired girl named Miranda, immediately got sick when she saw them and ran off to vomit.

Votes:

Emma – Sugar

Carrie – Sugar

Beth – Sugar

Leshawna – Heather

Courtney – Mary

Jasmine – Mary

Mary – Heather

Miles – Mary

Zoey – Heather

Izzy – Sugar

Dawn – Sugar

Ella – Didn't vote

Stephanie – Mary

Bridgette – Josee

Josee – Emma

MacArthur – Sugar

Heather – Mary

Lindsay – Crimson

Topher – Mary

Sadie – Mary

Eva – Sugar

Crimson – Mary

Sugar – Ella

Results: 8-7-3-1-1-1-1 Mary-Sugar-Heather-Crimson-Josee-Emma-Ella

Eliminated: Staci, Leonard, Tammy, Leshaniqua, Spud, Chet, Dakota (ii), Phil (r), Ellody, Rock, Rodney (t), Anne Maria, Mickey, Jazz (r), Max, Mary

Known active immunity idols: Josee (Crimson), Owen, Carrie (Noah), Heather (Gwen), Geoff (Geoff), Justin (Ella)

Future eliminations immunized against: Noah (0)

Bonus clip:

"Ohhh, Wyoming's in Wyoming and perhaps you make your home in Wyoming City, Utah where the Wyoming-alo roam!"

"Owen, I don't think those are the lyrics," Mike said. It was nighttime now and everyone was back on Wawanakwa.

"I don't care! I'm just so happy!" Owen pointed to, on the other side of the good cabin, Noah, who was for once sleeping with a smile on his face.

Tyler smiled. "Me too, big guy. Me too."

Noah and Emma were finally together.

Now nothing was ever going to be the same again.