Review time!
Doctor Brain: Thanks! That's the biggest difference between Noah and Emma, I think, at least in THD. Emma's life was relatively normal until that point, whereas Noah's been dealing with weirdness his whole life and is thusly desensitized. The song is a parody of Wakko's America, in a nod to A Codette World Tour, a wonderful fanfic that helped inspire this one (I personally don't like Animaniacs, but you do you).
Gucci Mane LaFlare: Thanks! I figured the hetero couples that formed would be well-received, and I'm glad KaSadie isn't as controversial as I'd expected it to be (Katie and Sadie are practically dating in the canon anyway, so I figured, "Why not?"). The original Team E-Scope was briefly mentioned back in Dodgebrawl and will be expanded on in future chapters in Noah's backstory as he becomes King of the Misfits, with Eva and Izzy his very first subjects.
Saturday, October 28, 2017
"Last time on Total Drama – here came the bride! [Jacques and Josee knocking over Noah and Emma] Wednesday was my 10th anniversary with my wife Blaineley, and although I didn't get her anything in tin, I did get her a can of laughs! [Beardo and Topher getting each other] A romantic tightrope walk over Niagra Falls [Lorenzo and Mary falling off] led to a quick stop at Father Brian Hatchet's marriage registry! [Alejandro getting his question right] And although most of the couples made either already existed [Bridgette being carried by Geoff] or never came to be [Amy and Sugar freaking out], four new pairings [Katie and Sadie kissing, Dawn taking DJ's hand, Leshawna telling Harold she'd be willing to try dating him, and last of all, Noah tenderly hugging Emma] entered the Total Drama canon. Ah, love, how I hate you. On the subject of hate, Mary got enough for her mental acuity that she was thrown out of the running [Mary's elimination], leaving the Geek Alliance all-male."
Chris stood at the Dock of Shame. "Sixty-eight contestants remain. Who'll conquer this show and who'll run away screaming? Find out in today's episode of
"Total.
"Drama!"
Theme song
*Instrumental*
A camera appeared from the bushes, scaring off a squirrel. Another came from a tree, startling a blue jay. The third popped out of the ground, hitting a passing Harold in the groin. Duncan and Jacques laughed at him.
Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine
You guys are on my mind
The camera flew across the island, passing Chris on a beach chair getting massaged by an intern, Dawn meditating with Zoey, Brady and Beth on a rope swing together, Leonard and Tammy casting "spells" while Ella watched, Crimson and Ennui staring blankly into space, and Chet and Lorenzo fighting to the disapproval of Ellody and Mary.
You asked me what I wanted to be
And now I think it's plain to see
DJ, Miles, and Laurie were one with the animals. That is, until a mutant gopher showed up. They screamed and ran away. Pan to Scott, Lightning, and Jo, who'd disrupted the session with the gopher. They high-fived.
I wanna be famous
Heather, Josee, and Taylor battled it out on a rubber raft. The raft fell off a waterfall, taking them with it. Bridgette, Geoff, and Brody watched.
*Instrumental*
The three girls found Owen underwater. Owen farted, sending the rivals and more than a few dead fish to the surface. Above, Zeke, Mike, and Rodney were fishing in a little boat when the lake became littered with fish and three teenage girls. Zeke grabbed one of the dead fish and triumphantly held it over his head, while Rodney began checking out Taylor's rear.
I want to live close to the sun
Well, pack your bags cause I've already won.
At one of the beaches, Katie and Sadie admired Justin. Behind them, Justin's ex Lauren sighed sadly. On the other side of the beach, Izzy, wearing a spider costume, was chasing Cameron, Dakota, and Sam for no apparent reason.
Everything to prove nothing in my way
I'll get there one day
Chef was cooking some disgusting green slop in the cafeteria. Kitty and Junior looked at each other, frightened of what was to come. Behind them sat Tyler, Leshawna, Ryan, both of the Jasmines (looking at each other, very confused), Lindsay, Mickey and Jay, and Shawn. Dave obsessively cleaned the tables, while B looked on.
'Cuz I wanna be famous
Sierra had Cody in a headlock out of love. Amy had Sammy in one out of hate. Cody and Sammy looked at each other and sighed.
Na na nana na na nana nana na na na na na naaaaah
Rock and Spud air-guitared. Courtney and Gwen looked at each other with raised eyebrows. Then they saw Trent jamming with them. He stopped and smiled sheepishly at the girls.
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous
Carrie and Devin sat together on the dock, watching Tom, Jen, and Anne Maria compare fashion tips. Then the dock gave out under them, sending them into the water. It turned out Alejandro had been responsible. He grinned evilly at the camera.
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous.
Topher cockily smiled at Eva, who decked him in response. Behind them, Scarlett and Max passed through a field of lustblossoms, and suddenly began making out.
*Whistling*
At the campfire, as the other campers I didn't have time to name looked on excitedly, Noah and Emma looked each other in the eyes...and then Sugar interrupted the moment by appearing between them. Angry, Emma started chasing Sugar around the camp to the amusement of the others, while Noah stared apathetically at the camera.
Guy's Alliance
"Dude, I heard I was gonna be eliminated last time if my team lost!" Duncan exclaimed. He and Alejandro were meeting behind one of the academic buildings.
"As did I, bromigo," Alejandro confirmed. "The Misfits are strong. Too strong. And with Noah and Emma together officially now, they'll no doubt grow evermore powerful unless we do something."
"Like what?"
"I suggest we deplete them of potential allies before they have a chance to replenish their dwindling numbers. Take Dwayne Jr., for example. He is very ambitious and is on good terms with Emma's sister. Get rid of him, and that's one less vote for the Misfits."
"What about DJ? He and Dawn are a thing now too. Won't he also be a danger?"
"Not particularly," Alejandro replied nonchalantly. "DJ refuses to vote, and his timid nature makes him easy to coerce into doing our bidding. Should he side with the Misfits, he'd be completely dependent on them for his survival. An unwise move, one I think he recognizes."
Duncan nodded. "Okay. Junior it is."
Some time later
"Campers, do you know what's coming soon?" Chris asked.
"The end of the first season of Total Drama?" Sierra asked.
"That's true, but it isn't that. Anyone else?"
"Halloween?" Tyler asked.
"Bingo! Surprised you of all people came up with that, Tyler." Tyler frowned when he heard this. "Yessiree, next Tuesday we're going to have a spoopy scary skeleton of a challenge! But first, we'll need to prepare. Are you guys afraid of stuff?"
"I'm not!" Izzy piped up.
"What about your fear of being in a plane?"
"I got over that years ago, Chris! How do you think I manage the Total Drama Field Trips? Also, how did you know that?" Izzy asked.
"Well, I had Blaineley tell your English teachers to sneak some questions into your homework last week," Chris explained, "and through that I uncovered your deepest, greatest fears. Izzy, since you apparently overcame yours a while back, the Floating Salmon get a point."
"So I take it we're doing those two teams again?" Sam asked.
"Yep! Now, today is simple: overcome your respective fear and get a point. The team with the highest score at the end of the day wins. No one will know when they're being tested until I call you up in groups of three. Oh, and Shawn?"
"Yeah?"
A grotesque, decaying arm burst out of the ground in front of him. Shawn screamed and pulled out a frying pan from nowhere and smacked the arm, breaking it and revealing it was mechanical.
"Since both teams are equal-sized and thirty-four isn't divisible by three, I had to get one on each team out of the way already. Shawn, you killed the fake zombie, so the Confused Bears get a point too. Good luck!"
Confessional – Stephanie and Ryan.
"...Where did he get the frying pan?" Ryan asked.
"Fear makes you do great things, I guess," Stephanie replied.
"...That doesn't really answer my question, but it's a better answer than nothing, I guess."
Scores:
Floating Salmon: Amy, Jasmine, Scarlett, Sammy, Topher, Sierra, Geoff, Duncan, Trent, Gwen, Kitty, Izzy (1), Junior, Leshawna, Alejandro, Justin, Brick, Crimson, Jay, Cameron, Ryan, Lindsay, Tyler, Jo, Lightning, DJ, Katie, Sadie, Cody, Harold, Dawn, Taylor, Beth, and Sam.
Confused Bears: Owen, B, Noah, Ella, Emma, Brady, Lorenzo, Ennui, Scott, Heather, Devin, Carrie, Stephanie, Miles, Laurie, Lauren, Mike, Zoey Eva, Zeke, Sugar, Sanders, MacArthur, Leshawna, Shawn (1), Sky, Tom, Jen, Dave, Bridgette, Courtney, Beardo, Jacques, Josee, and Brody.
First Rotation: Floating Salmon
"I hate Chris," Gwen deadpanned. She was buried up to her chin in sand on the beach.
"Don't worry, all you have to do is stay in there for a minute," Billy reassured her. "I'll be right here if you need me. In the meantime, let's watch the show."
They watched Harold vainly fight off three stereotypical ninjas ("This is highly inaccurate!") with his nunchucks, failing because he hit himself in the kiwis, which counted as not conquering his fear, e.g. defeating the ninjas. Tyler, meanwhile, ran around screaming while being chased by...five baby chicks.
First Rotation: Confused Bears
B came up to a podium and attempted to speak, before remembering he couldn't. This was his greatest fear: public speaking. As a mute person, he was disadvantaged and couldn't do it.
"Well that seemed mean," Sanders commented. Then someone tapped her shoulder, and she turned around. "Yes – AUGH!" She ran away at the sight of her greatest fear: a hungry black piranha in a fish tank.
"Hmph," Chef, who was holding the tank, grunted. "Wonder if she'll be scared when she finds out what's in tonight's fish sticks. C'mon 3D, let's get you back." The piranha visibly gulped in fright.
Eva, meanwhile, steadfastilly faced her fear of needles. Which was just as well, as she needed to finish her meningitis shots.
Scores:
Floating Salmon: Amy, Jasmine, Scarlett, Sammy, Topher, Sierra, Geoff, Duncan, Trent, Gwen (1), Kitty, Izzy (1), Junior, Leshawna, Alejandro, Justin, Brick, Crimson, Jay, Cameron, Ryan, Lindsay, Tyler (0), Jo, Lightning, DJ, Katie, Sadie, Cody, Harold (0), Dawn, Taylor, Beth, and Sam.
Confused Bears: Owen, B (0), Noah, Ella, Emma, Brady, Lorenzo, Ennui, Scott, Heather, Devin, Carrie, Stephanie, Miles, Laurie, Lauren, Mike, Eva (1), Zeke, Sugar, Sanders (0), MacArthur, Leshawna, Shawn (1), Sky, Tom, Jen, Dave, Bridgette, Courtney, Beardo, Jacques, Josee, and Brody.
Second Rotation: Floating Salmon
"Watch this to its end and you're good," Miranda said to Scarlett, turning on the TV Devin had found in the fourth challenge. She then played a clip of Scarlett's greatest fear: a scientist getting beaten up by a mob of rabid, uninformed people.
Also in the theater were Brick and Sadie. Brick was blindfolded, forcing him to face his nyctophobia, while Sadie had an atrocious wig on to fight her phobia of bad haircuts.
All three made it through.
Second Rotation: Confused Bears
Which could not be said for their adversaries. Bridgette had to walk in the woods alone, Dave had to lie facedown in the dirt, and Tom needed to pet a corgi on the head.
They didn't last. Bridgette quickly ran out of the forest screaming, spooking the dog in a way that also frightened Tom. Dave only lasted a few seconds before bolting upright. All three ended up in a tangled lump.
"Floating Salmon are in the lead, y'know," Chris said when he came upon them.
"Oh shut up, Chris," Tom glowered.
Floating Salmon: Amy, Jasmine, Scarlett (1), Sammy, Topher, Sierra, Geoff, Duncan, Trent, Gwen (1), Kitty, Izzy (1), Junior, Leshawna, Alejandro, Justin, Brick (1), Crimson, Jay, Cameron, Ryan, Lindsay, Tyler (0), Jo, Lightning, DJ, Katie, Sadie (1), Cody, Harold (0), Dawn, Taylor, Beth, and Sam.
Confused Bears: Owen, B (0), Noah, Ella, Emma, Brady, Lorenzo, Ennui, Scott, Heather, Devin, Carrie, Stephanie, Miles, Laurie, Lauren, Mike, Zoey, Eva (1), Zeke, Sugar, Sanders (0), MacArthur, Leshawna, Shawn (1), Sky, Tom (0), Jen, Dave (0), Bridgette (0), Courtney, Beardo, Jacques, Josee, and Brody.
Third Rotation: Floating Salmon
Ryan was given a bucket of ice pellets. "This isn't my fear," he said, confused as he looked into it.
"No, but it is Geoff's. He has a phobia of hail. You have to be the cloud and throw it at him. If he lasts until the bucket's emptied, he'll win," Chris explained. "And this ties into you getting over your fear of your impressive strength hurting your friends. Begin!"
Ryan gulped. Geoff didn't even know what was coming. Luckily, Ryan figured out a loophole and simply dumped all the ice on him at once.
"Dude, that's cold," Geoff said when he realized what happened. "Like, literally, my neck's completely numb."
"Well, that's not what I had in mind because of how short it lasted," Chris said, "but since you both technically achieved your objectives, you both get a point."
"Righteous!" Geoff exclaimed, high-fiving Ryan.
"Oh, sha-please! Anybody could've done that!" Lightning, who was also part of the rotation, scoffed.
"Your dad doesn't think so." Lightning passed out. "Parental disapproval. I know that feeling; I've been there too. No point, though!" Chris grinned sadistically.
Third Rotation: Confused Bears
"Carrie, you need to eat a worm. Miles and Laurie, you have to watch," Phil said, a solitary earthworm in his hand. "I'm sorry, but Chris threatened to put me on the pudding chair again if I messed up."
"...Pudding chair?" Miles asked.
"You don't want to know."
Carrie began hyperventilating. "I can't do this! I've been unable to even think about–" and then she dry heaved into a bush.
Phil sighed. "Looks like you lucked out, little friend." The worm tittered in agreement. "I'm not going to give you any points," he said to his human friends, "but I'm not going to force this challenge on you. That wouldn't be right."
"Thank you," Laurie said.
Confessional – Laurie.
"I've been thinking about what Alejandro said to me once, that I need to open my mind more," Laurie pondered. "And maybe he's right. But at any rate, I think I might've stood a better chance of getting a point than Miles. Sorry sweetie, but it's true."
Confessional – Miles.
"Laurie's right. She's always had the stronger stomach between us," Miles confirmed. "And maybe Alejandro's not as bad as the Misfits make him out to be. But he's still a strong opponent with an equally-strong alliance, so I should still keep my guard up."
Floating Salmon: Amy, Jasmine, Scarlett (1), Sammy, Topher, Sierra, Geoff (1), Duncan, Trent, Gwen (1), Kitty, Izzy (1), Junior, Leshawna, Alejandro, Justin, Brick (1), Crimson, Jay, Cameron, Ryan (1), Lindsay, Tyler (0), Jo, Lightning (0), DJ, Katie, Sadie (1), Cody, Harold (0), Dawn, Taylor, Beth, and Sam.
Confused Bears: Owen, B (0), Noah, Ella, Emma, Brady, Lorenzo, Ennui, Scott, Heather, Devin, Carrie (0), Stephanie, Miles (0), Laurie (0), Lauren, Mike, Zoey, Eva (1), Zeke, Sugar, Sanders (0), MacArthur, Leshawna, Shawn (1), Sky, Tom (0), Jen, Dave (0), Bridgette (0), Courtney, Beardo, Jacques, Josee, and Brody.
Fourth Rotation: Floating Salmon
Chris locked Jasmine in the confessional outhouse. "You have to stay in there until I come back," he said. Turning to Leshawna and Junior, he said, "And here's your fear." He held out a barn orb weaver spider in his hands. Leshawna and Junior screamed and ran away.
"Wimps," Chris shrugged, carelessly tossing the spider away. It landed in a patch of pink goo and suddenly grew wings, before flying away.
Fourth Rotation: Confused Bears
"Since all three of you really want to be dignified," Chef explained, "you maggots gotta stay un-dignified until I say so." Ennui was dressed like a preppy (in goth makeup, of course; Chef had no intention to make them that uncomfortable).
Jacques scowled at the bronze medal he was forced to wear. "Wouldn't Emma be a better fit for this?" he asked. "Speaking of, shouldn't she be here too? She's also a part of this rotation."
"She's overcome her fear of public humiliation already," Ennui replied monotonously. "Something which you had an inadvertent hand in, if I'm not mistaken."
"...I hate you," Jacques said finally.
"Trust me, the feeling is mutual."
"Ennui's right, though. Emma overcame her fear before this challenge, so she by default gets a point. 'Course, Chris wanted me to try anyway, so..." he stepped aside, revealing an Emma covered in flour paste and not liking it at all.
Floating Salmon: Amy, Jasmine (1), Scarlett (1), Sammy, Topher, Sierra, Geoff (1), Duncan, Trent, Gwen (1), Kitty, Izzy (1), Junior (0), Leshawna (0), Alejandro, Justin, Brick (1), Crimson, Jay, Cameron, Ryan (1), Lindsay, Tyler (0), Jo, Lightning (0), DJ, Katie, Sadie (1), Cody, Harold (0), Dawn, Taylor, Beth, and Sam.
Confused Bears: Owen, B (0), Noah, Ella, Emma (1), Brady, Lorenzo, Ennui (1), Scott, Heather, Devin, Carrie (0), Stephanie, Miles (0), Laurie (0), Lauren, Mike, Zoey, Eva (1), Zeke, Sugar, Sanders (0), MacArthur, Shawn (1), Sky, Tom (0), Jen, Dave (0), Bridgette (0), Courtney, Beardo, Jacques (1), Josee, and Brody.
Fifth Rotation: Floating Salmon
DJ gulped as he looked at the Pink Pythons' mascot. Shutting his eyes, he timidly reached down to pat it on the head. Opening an eye, he found the snake seemed to enjoy it.
Taylor, meanwhile, was freaking out at being dressed like a homeless person, and Katie wasn't able to overcome her fear of tapeworms (which consisted of having to stare at one coming out of the Black Bears' mascot. Yes, it was disgusting. Yes, Chris actually did that.)
Fifth Rotation: Confused Bears
"Zeke, you need to become a monster and attack Devin," Chris explained. "Devin, you need to fight him off in your underwear with nothing but a cardboard paper towel tube in front of everyone else. Beardo, I'm taping your mouth shut so you can't help with sound effects."
"Would you mind pronouncing my name right for once?" Beardo asked crossly.
Chris simply taped him up. "Begin the match!"
Zeke covered himself in dirt and quickly snarled at Devin, who disrobed immediately. Brandishing his tube, he whacked the not-really-feral Zeke over the head. A tussle erupted, for which Devin was victorious. Everyone cheered for him.
When it was over, Beardo ripped the tape off. "Ow!" he winced; the tape had taken off some of his beard. "Wow, Devin, you have an oddly specific phobia."
"I had an oddly specific nightmare," Devin replied. "You okay, Zeke?"
"Doin' great, eh!" Zeke gave him the thumbs-up. "Think I found me Hallooween costoom!"
It was then that Devin's underwear fell down, his pixellated manness exposed to the world. "This was also part of my nightmare," he gulped.
Floating Salmon: Amy, Jasmine (1), Scarlett (1), Sammy, Topher, Sierra, Geoff (1), Duncan, Trent, Gwen (1), Kitty, Izzy (1), Junior (0), Leshawna (0), Alejandro, Justin, Brick (1), Crimson, Jay, Cameron, Ryan (1), Lindsay, Tyler (0), Jo, Lightning (0), DJ (1), Katie (0), Sadie (1), Cody, Harold (0), Dawn, Taylor (0), Beth, and Sam.
Confused Bears: Owen, B (0), Noah, Ella, Emma (1), Brady, Lorenzo, Ennui (1), Scott, Heather, Devin (1), Carrie (0), Stephanie, Miles (0), Laurie (0), Lauren, Mike, Zoey, Eva (1), Zeke (1), Sugar, Sanders (0), MacArthur, Shawn (1), Sky, Tom (0), Jen, Dave (0), Bridgette (0), Courtney, Beardo (1), Jacques (1), Josee, and Brody.
In the audience, Carrie blushed. "Excuse me," she said meekly as she got up and left.
"...I don't think I want to know what she's going to do, but I think I already do," Noah snarked to Eva, who nodded in agreement.
"And I know what you're gonna do, Noah, because your rotation's next!" Chris said, suddenly appearing between the two.
"Get out of my face," Noah growled.
"Hey, don't be such a sourpuss!" Chris turned to the camera. "Who else is gonna freak out? Find out after these messages."
Do da do da doo. Commercial break!
"And we're back!" Chris said to the audience. "Our contestants are almost halfway through our fear-killing challenge. The Floating Salmon have nine points thus far, while the Confused Bears have eight. But it's still anyone's game. So let's get into our sixth rotation already!"
Sixth Rotation: Floating Salmon
Crimson was also dressed as a preppy and had to watch a most unusual fight. "Dawn, you see, has a fear of blood, and it's Burromuerto policy not to punch people in the face," Chris began. "But in order to win, Dawn must hit Alejandro in the face hard enough to draw blood." He forced a pair of boxing gloves on Dawn's slender hands and steered her in front of the Latin Mastermind. "Begin!"
Dawn gulped. Alejandro was much bigger than she was and could easily kill her. "I'm sorry, but I cannot. I refuse to stoop to the level of physical violence." Alejandro sighed in relief as she removed her gloves.
"But don't think that doesn't mean I'm not voting for you," Dawn reminded him, before stalking off. Alejandro frowned at this.
Confessional – Alejandro.
"This is exactly why I want their allies gone soon," Alejandro growled. "The more they get, the braver they become. And a brave Misfit is not good for me."
Sixth Rotation: Confused Bears
"Okay, so what am I supposed to do again?" Owen asked.
"You need to eat a raw jellyfish while Jen's wearing arm warmers and I'm playing dodgeball with her, with you in the middle," Noah replied.
Jen shivered as she looked at her arms, which were covered in long tubes of blue fluff. "I hate these things. Whoever invented them should be kicked in the pants."
Owen picked up the jellyfish from the bucket and grimaced. "What if it zaps me?"
"Owen, they use venom, not electricity. You know that."
"Oh! Right. Heh heh."
Noah and Jen picked up the yellow balls and fired while Owen slurped up the cnidarian. Noah had already overcome his fear of dodgeball after the challenge nearly eliminated him, and Jen quickly adjusted too. Owen found that he liked jellyfish (but would much prefer them cooked, preferably with oregano and hot peppers).
Floating Salmon: Amy, Jasmine (1), Scarlett (1), Sammy, Topher, Sierra, Geoff (1), Duncan, Trent, Gwen (1), Kitty, Izzy (1), Junior (0), Leshawna (0), Alejandro (0), Justin, Brick (1), Crimson (1), Jay, Cameron, Ryan (1), Lindsay, Tyler (0), Jo, Lightning (0), DJ (1), Katie (0), Sadie (1), Cody, Harold (0), Dawn (0), Taylor (0), Beth, and Sam.
Confused Bears: Owen (1), B (0), Noah (1), Ella, Emma (1), Brady, Lorenzo, Ennui (1), Scott, Heather, Devin (1), Carrie (0), Stephanie, Miles (0), Laurie (0), Lauren, Mike, Zoey, Eva (1), Zeke (1), Sugar, Sanders (0), MacArthur, Shawn (1), Sky, Tom (0), Jen (1), Dave (0), Bridgette (0), Courtney, Beardo (1), Jacques (1), Josee, and Brody.
Seventh Rotation: Floating Salmon
"There's no invisible box!" Trent gulped as a mime, really an intern named Sylvester, performed a classic routine for him.
"I don't think that counts as facing your fear," Duncan commented. Sylvester responded by pulling out a cardboard cutout of Celine Dion. Duncan fainted.
"Uh, Mr. Mime?" Lindsay asked. "Last challenge I was told I'd be pronounced an item, but like, what kind of item? A neon pen?" Sylvesyter responded by pulling out a little brown bat and throwing it at her. The bat landed between Lindsay's breasts, and she froze, eyes wide open.
Confessional – Lindsay.
"I just asked a question! I didn't ask for a bat!" Lindsay exclaimed. The bat was asleep now. She looked down at it and pursed her orange-painted lips. "Though she is really cute..."
Seventh Rotation: Confused Bears
"I don't have a fear of beans," Stephanie said, staring down at a bowl of baked beans. "I just have an immense dislike of them." It was true, the texture greatly bothered her.
"But you want our team to win, don't you?" Lorenzo asked. He was wearing a bunny suit; being in one in public was his greatest fear. "And I know you're competitive to a fault. So use that drive to take us to victory!" Stephanie's face grew determined and she began scarfing down the food. "But victory doesn't need to be that fast, you'll get reflux."
MacArthur chuckled as she watched them. "Those guys are alright."
"Valentina Escobar MacArthur, you are under arrest," Chef, wearing a police cap instead of his toque, deadpanned. "Do not resist." He cuffed her. A brief pause. "Alright, this is gettin' stupid, you're clear!"
Floating Salmon: Amy, Jasmine (1), Scarlett (1), Sammy, Topher, Sierra, Geoff (1), Duncan (0), Trent (0), Gwen (1), Kitty, Izzy (1), Junior (0), Leshawna (0), Alejandro (0), Justin, Brick (1), Crimson (1), Jay, Cameron, Ryan (1), Lindsay (1), Tyler (0), Jo, Lightning (0), DJ (1), Katie (0), Sadie (1), Cody, Harold (0), Dawn (0), Taylor (0), Beth, and Sam.
Confused Bears: Owen (1), B (0), Noah (1), Ella, Emma (1), Brady, Lorenzo (1), Ennui (1), Scott, Heather, Devin (1), Carrie (0), Stephanie (1), Miles (0), Laurie (0), Lauren, Mike, Zoey, Eva (1), Zeke (1), Sugar, Sanders (0), MacArthur (1), Shawn (1), Sky, Tom (0), Jen (1), Dave (0), Bridgette (0), Courtney, Beardo (1), Jacques (1), Josee, and Brody.
Eighth Rotation: Floating Salmon
"I'M IRRELEVANT?!" Topher shrieked when he saw the fake newspaper's headline read NO ONE CARES ABOUT TOPHER MAIMON.
Jay held a Jefferson salamander in his hands and cringed. "Better not drop it, it's an endangered species!" Chris taunted him from afar. Cue the salamander landing on his face, the amphibian none the worse for wear, but visibly annoyed.
"Pffft. I'm not scared of anything," Jo boasted. Then the winged spider from before flew by and landed on her nose. "AAAAAAAAAH!"
Confessional – Brick.
"Jo and I were friends when we were kids," Brick began sadly, "but when she started doing well in athletic activities her parents pushed her further and fed her ego, turning her into the person she is now. My greatest hope is that this show will allow me to bring the old Joanna Hapsburg back."
Eighth Rotation: Confused Bears
"AAAH!" Sugar shrieked as she desperately clutched the balance beam. Her acrophobia was what caused her to fall during the previous challenge, in fact. Zoey winced as a centipede, a Scolopocryptops rubiginosus, crawled around her hands.
"Hey, it's okay, these guys don't bite," Mike said reassuringly. He was also holding a centipede.
"You seem really calm for a scolopendrophobe."
"It's not my actual fear. But Chris didn't want to risk losing his ratings if he released a personality of mine I've locked away, so he just gave me yours. C'mon, let's do this together."
Zoey smiled. "Yeah, let's."
Floating Salmon: Amy, Jasmine (1), Scarlett (1), Sammy, Topher (0), Sierra, Geoff (1), Duncan (0), Trent (0), Gwen (1), Kitty, Izzy (1), Junior (0), Leshawna (0), Alejandro (0), Justin, Brick (1), Crimson (1), Jay (1), Cameron, Ryan (1), Lindsay (1), Tyler (0), Jo (0), Lightning (0), DJ (1), Katie (0), Sadie (1), Cody, Harold (0), Dawn (0), Taylor (0), Beth, and Sam.
Confused Bears: Owen (1), B (0), Noah (1), Ella, Emma (1), Brady, Lorenzo (1), Ennui (1), Scott, Heather, Devin (1), Carrie (0), Stephanie (1), Miles (0), Laurie (0), Lauren, Mike (1), Zoey (1), Eva (1), Zeke (1), Sugar (0), Sanders (0), MacArthur (1), Shawn (1), Sky, Tom (0), Jen (1), Dave (0), Bridgette (0), Courtney, Beardo (1), Jacques (1), Josee, and Brody.
Ninth Rotation: Floating Salmon
"I hope this isn't life-threatening," Cody said as he fiddled with the wires of a complicated-looking object.
"Me too," Sammy agreed. She was cuffed to him. "I really hate being handcuffed to someone during a life-threatening situation."
"And I've got a fear of not being able to defuse a bomb under pressure," Cody replied. "Though talking to you's taking a bit of the edge off it."
"Thanks." Silence as Cody worked. "Wait, aren't there supposed to be three of us?"
"Yeah, but who's the third? Chris didn't say."
"Hey Sierra, I think Sammy's making a move on Cody," Chris told the Loony Fangirl.
"WHAT?!"
"Almost...there..."
"CODYKINS!"
"Oh, crap," Cody groaned, momentarily stopping what he was doing and looking up to see his unwanted lover approaching. "It's Sierra. Her greatest fear is seeing me with a girl other than her. I guess Chris did this to mess us up."
Sammy gulped as Sierra charged at them. However, Sierra was enough of a distraction that the stink bomb went off.
"...[F WORD] YOU, CHRIS MCLEAN!" Sammy shrieked at the sky with a rage not unlike her sister's. The tree octopus was so frightened it fell out of its hole, revealing the skeleton of the intern it'd eaten.
Ninth Rotation: Confused Bears
Josee was also locked in the confessional like Jasmine was. Lauren was tied to a pole surrounded by hot tar.
"Oh no, man!" Brody gulped as Chef approached. "My fear's amputation! Please don't hurt me! I don't wanna lose a finger!"
"Relax, kid, I'm not gonna do that," Chef grunted. "You just gotta look at all these pictures of amputees to pass." He showed him a picture of a man missing a foot, and Brody immediately screamed. "Okay, then we'll start smaller: tooth removal." He showed Brody a picture of a woman resembling Heather who was missing an incisor; Brody screamed again. "How strong is this fear, man?"
"Very!"
Confessional – The Nerdinator.
"I don't blame him, I have one too. I'm also afraid of fire, sharp things, flaming sharp things, and I have a strong aversion to dogs like Tom does."
Floating Salmon: Amy, Jasmine (1), Scarlett (1), Sammy (0), Topher (0), Sierra (1), Geoff (1), Duncan (0), Trent (0), Gwen (1), Kitty, Izzy (1), Junior (0), Leshawna (0), Alejandro (0), Justin, Brick (1), Crimson (1), Jay (1), Cameron, Ryan (1), Lindsay (1), Tyler (0), Jo (0), Lightning (0), DJ (1), Katie (0), Sadie (1), Cody (0), Harold (0), Dawn (0), Taylor (0), Beth, and Sam.
Confused Bears: Owen (1), B (0), Noah (1), Ella, Emma (1), Brady, Lorenzo (1), Ennui (1), Scott, Heather, Devin (1), Carrie (0), Stephanie (1), Miles (0), Laurie (0), Lauren (1), Mike (1), Zoey (1), Eva (1), Zeke (1), Sugar (0), Sanders (0), MacArthur (1), Shawn (1), Sky, Tom (0), Jen (1), Dave (0), Bridgette (0), Courtney, Beardo (1), Jacques (1), Josee (1), and Brody (0).
Tenth Rotation: Floating Salmon
Beth took the worm from Phil. "Hey there little guy," she crooned, quickly overcoming her fear of it.
"I don't like this!" Cameron gulped. He was made to wear a set of headphones that played the sounds of a horde of angry wasps.
"I DON'T LIKE THIS MORE!" Kitty wailed as she sat in a bathtub filled with Uhler's wood cockroaches.
Tenth Rotation: Confused Bears
"I can do this," Ella gulped as she came onstage. Despite her love of singing, she had terrible stage fright. But she pushed that aside and began to sing "When Will My Life Begin?".
"She's great," Brady nodded as he held a model of a nuclear bomb in his hands.
"She is indeed," Sky agreed while she was shackled to her chair in heavy chains.
Floating Salmon: Amy, Jasmine (1), Scarlett (1), Sammy (0), Topher (0), Sierra (1), Geoff (1), Duncan (0), Trent (0), Gwen (1), Kitty (0), Izzy (1), Junior (0), Leshawna (0), Alejandro (0), Justin, Brick (1), Crimson (1), Jay (1), Cameron (0), Ryan (1), Lindsay (1), Tyler (0), Jo (0), Lightning (0), DJ (1), Katie (0), Sadie (1), Cody (0), Harold (0), Dawn (0), Taylor (0), Beth (1), and Sam.
Confused Bears: Owen (1), B (0), Noah (1), Ella (1), Emma (1), Brady (1), Lorenzo (1), Ennui (1), Scott, Heather, Devin (1), Carrie (0), Stephanie (1), Miles (0), Laurie (0), Lauren (1), Mike (1), Zoey (1), Eva (1), Zeke (1), Sugar (0), Sanders (0), MacArthur (1), Shawn (1), Sky (1), Tom (0), Jen (1), Dave (0), Bridgette (0), Courtney, Beardo (1), Jacques (1), Josee (1), and Brody (0).
Eleventh Rotation: Floating Salmon
"I am better than you," Justin said. "Did I say that right?"
"Eh, it's good enough. It got Amy mad, didn't it?" Chris asked. Justin turned around to see Amy running after him with a pair of pliers, ready to tear out Justin's hair with it. But Justin simply tripped her and took away the pliers.
Dakota gulped as she held a cardboard cutout of a clown in front of Sam. He didn't react. "I was afraid of clowns, but I'm not anymore," he said. Then he saw Dakota trembling. "Hey, it's alright. It's not going to hurt you."
"R-really?" she asked.
"Yeah. Don't worry, I'm right here." He put his hand on hers. Dakota smiled as she felt his warmth.
Confessional – Dakota.
"He's the first boy who really treated me like a person and not like an object," Dakota sighed dreamily. Little did she know that she was slowly starting to fall for him.
Eleventh Rotation: Confused Bears
"Now the final three! And boy, are these doozies," Chris said. "Courtney has a phobia of green jello, so she's gotta swim in it!" Courtney shivered, partly because she was in her bathing suit in the fall and partly because a kiddie pool full of the stuff stood before her. "Heather has a fear of being farted on by a sumo, so we got our favorite gasmaster Owen to play the part!" Owen, stripped to his underwear and with a black wig on his head, tapped his fingers nervously, his intestines audibly churning. "And Scott, you have a fear of sharks, so you gotta take Fang's tooth! Oh yeah, Fang can breathe air now. Nuclear waste man, it's freaky stuff."
Scott gulped. "I can't do this!"
"Oh yes we are! If we fail, then the next time we're on Gwen's team I'm going out! So we're winning this so she's not tempted!" Heather declared.
"Sheesh, paranoid much?" Courtney asked.
"Shut up and swim, Courtney!"
Courtney gulped and stepped into the kiddie pool, sliding in until only her head wasn't submerged. "GAH! It's cold! And so slimy!" Suddenly she was curious, and picked up a piece of the jello, slurping it up from her hand. "But it doesn't taste half-bad."
"Scott, flip Fang on his back! Sharks enter a trance-like state when they do, and he still can't walk on land!" Heather barked.
"But what if he's mad I stole his tooth?" Scott asked.
"He's a shark! It'll grow back!"
"Oh, yeah!" Scott snarled at Fang. "So, you wanna play rough, do ya? Well, I'm a dirt farmer, so I know how to too!" He pounced on Fang, quickly flipped him over and yanked out a tooth that was ready to fall out. "That's how it's done!" Fang groaned.
Heather grinned maliciously at Owen and lunged. Owen farted at that exact moment, the gas clouding the air in front of them. But Heather emerged from the gas and tackled him.
"All right Heather! We've won!" Courtney cheered. But Heather kept laying into Owen. "Uh, Heather?"
"DIE, STUPID MISFIT!" Heather roared. Running noises. Heather looked up to see Noah jump into the air and plant both feet into her chest, knocking her off of Owen's chest.
"Thanks Noah," Owen said timidly.
Noah panted. He clutched the left side of his chest as his scarred ribs throbbed. But still, he stood tall, and had this to say to Heather, who looked up at him from the ground:
"Mess with one Misfit, you mess with all Misfits."
Floating Salmon: Amy (0), Jasmine (1), Scarlett (1), Sammy (0), Topher (0), Sierra (1), Geoff (1), Duncan (0), Trent (0), Gwen (1), Kitty (0), Izzy (1), Junior (0), Leshawna (0), Alejandro (0), Justin (1), Brick (1), Crimson (1), Jay (1), Cameron (0), Ryan (1), Lindsay (1), Tyler (0), Jo (0), Lightning (0), DJ (1), Katie (0), Sadie (1), Cody (0), Harold (0), Dawn (0), Taylor (0), Beth (1), and Sam (1).
Confused Bears: Owen (1), B (0), Noah (1), Ella (1), Emma (1), Brady (1), Lorenzo (1), Ennui (1), Scott (1), Heather (1), Devin (1), Carrie (0), Stephanie (1), Miles (0), Laurie (0), Lauren (1), Mike (1), Zoey (1), Eva (1), Zeke (1), Sugar (0), Sanders (0), MacArthur (1), Shawn (1), Sky (1), Tom (0), Jen (1), Dave (0), Bridgette (0), Courtney (1), Beardo (1), Jacques (1), Josee (1), and Brody (0).
"And now let's look at the scores!" Chris said. "Floating Salmon, you have sixteen out of thirty-four possible points. Confused Bears, you have eight more for twenty-four, so you win!" The Confused Bears cheered, save for Heather, who glared at Noah as he tended Owen's injuries. Noah saw her and shook his head sternly. "Meet me at the campfire at eight, Floating Salmon, someone's outta here!"
"Dum de dum de dum, it's dinner time~" Chef hummed to himself. Then he stopped. The piranha from earlier was missing from its tank. "Say what now?"
Confessional – Scarlett.
"Duncan is temperamental, lacks motivation, and is no doubt part of an alliance," Scarlett explained. "Whose, I'm not sure of, but the sooner the lunatic leaves, the better." She wrote DUNCAN on a piece of paper.
Confessional – Justin.
"Sure, I've got a bit of an ego, but I at least know when to put it away," Justin said. "Lightning does not, and I hope he learns to sooner rather than later." He wrote LIGHTNING on a piece of paper.
Confessional – Crimson.
"I fear Junior's ambition may get the better of him should he stay for much longer," Crimson said. "By eliminating him, I hope he gets humbled." She wrote JUNIOR on a piece of paper.
Confessional – Gwen.
"Though I don't have a chance of eliminating Heather, I might be able to get on her good side by voting for an even greater enemy of hers than I am," Gwen explained. She wrote TAYLOR on a piece of paper.
"Here's how we stage our eliminations," Chris said. He was still wearing the suit he'd changed into for the day. "We use the marshmallow system here. When I call your name, come get one." Thirty-four marshmallows sat on the plate, seven of them colored. "The marshmallows are color-coded to show how many votes you got in the hopes that the drama will frighten you. White means no votes against you, and the recipients are Jasmine, Scarlett, Topher, Geoff, Trent, Gwen, Kitty, Izzy, Leshawna, Justin, Brick, Crimson, Jay, Cameron, Ryan, Lindsay, Tyler, Jo, DJ, Katie, Sadie, Cody, Harold, Dawn, Beth, and Sam."
Next, he pointed to the two blue marshmallows. "Blue means you received only one vote against you. Duncan's gotten votes before, but Samey hasn't." Sammy was quick to figure out who voted for her, and nervously glanced behind her. Sierra snarled at her and bit a pencil in half, scaring her.
Chris pointed to the triad of green marshmallows. "Green means you got more than one vote, but are still safe. And boy, do we have a lot of them today. Taylor, two votes. Amy, four votes. Lightning, five votes."
"What?! You can't be serious! Lightning's a better competitor than all y'all!" Lightning griped.
"Yeah, I know!" Amy agreed. But they got their marshmallows anyway.
Two marshmallows whose colors matched those of the falling leaves around them were left. "Orange means you're on the chopping block, but are safe. Red means you're not welcome on this show anymore. Junior. Alejandro."
Alejandro looked reserved.
"Junior, most people don't know you well enough to consider allying with you. Save for a certain pigtailed Misfit, something most people recognize. Alejandro, people recognize you as one of the best competitors here, someone who will be hard to take down. One of you has gotten the dirty dozen...
...
...
...
...
"And that person is Junior!"
"Hey, I got to be on TV," Junior shrugged. "It's gotta count for something. Any of you guys have advice? I could use some for when I go back to school."
"Be wary of ambition," Crimson warned emotionlessly. "It can be a great tool, but it can also destroy you. To get where you want to go in life, you must learn to control it."
"...I don't really understand that, but I think I might eventually," Junior replied. "See ya!"
Confessional – Kitty.
Kitty sighed. "Now I'm the only freshman here. I'll need to work extra-hard to stay in with my friends. Crimson's right, you gotta be careful with ambition. Although...I can't help but feel that was directed at Alejandro too and not just Junior. I dunno, that girl's mysterious af."
Chris stood at the Dock of Shame. "Seventeen down. Sixty-seven remain. Who'll conquer terror and who won't? Find out on
"Total.
"Drama!"
"Hey Chris!" Chris turned around and shrieked when he saw an empty bottle of hair care product, before quickly running away. Phil high-fived the other interns for successfully getting back at their evil boss.
Votes:
Amy – Junior
Jasmine – Amy
Scarlett – Duncan
Sammy – Junior
Topher – Junior
Sierra – Sammy
Geoff – Alejandro
Duncan – Junior
Trent – Amy
Gwen – Taylor
Kitty – Alejandro
Izzy – Alejandro
Junior – Amy
Leshawna – Amy
Alejandro – Junior
Justin – Lightning
Brick – Alejandro
Crimson – Junior
Jay – Alejandro
Cameron – Lightning
Ryan – Junior
Lindsay – Taylor
Tyler – Alejandro
Jo – Junior
Lightning – Junior
DJ – didn't vote
Katie – Junior
Sadie – Junior
Cody – Lightning
Harold – Lightning
Dawn – Alejandro
Taylor – Junior
Beth – Alejandro
Sam – Lightning
Results: 12-8-5-4-2-1-1 Junior-Alejandro-Lightning-Amy-Taylor-Sammy-Duncan
Eliminated: Staci, Leonard, Tammy, Leshaniqua, Spud, Chet, Dakota (ii), Phil (r), Ellody, Rock, Rodney (t), Anne Maria, Mickey, Jazz (r), Max, Mary, Junior
Known active immunity idols: Josee (Crimson), Owen, Carrie (Noah), Heather (Gwen), Geoff (Geoff), Justin (Ella)
Bonus clip:
"Yo, Joseph, have you seen the piranha I was gonna cook tonight?" Chef asked the intern.
"Sorry sir, but I haven't. Although the watery footprints should count as a clue..."
It was then that Chef noticed a trail of large, flat marks on the ground of the kitchen. Some had dried out already, leaving marks on the cheap tile floor.
"Well, crap."
In the distance, the remains of the piranha dripped out of someone's mouth. Fang shuffled along the forest floor, his anal fins having morphed into primitive feet.
This shark would be going after that Scott boy in the future, yes indeed. No one makes a fool out of him and lives!
All he had to do was wait.