Review time!
Joel Connell: Yep! With winter coming many of Chris' more outlandish challenges will have to wait until the weather warms up. Unfortunately I didn't get your review until July 31st after Chapter 27 was put up (the site's messed up again and is lagging on guest reviews). I do hope you liked Chapter 27, and if it does feel like a copout, don't worry, it's going to build up into something much bigger! The Prescott twins do have a lot of potential, so despite how many votes Amy gets each time she's on the losing team (a gag I intend to continue until her eventual elimination) they're staying for a while! I've never read that fanfic, but I'm definitely going to check it out! And yes, I agree, Zeke needed some better treatment for once, so he kept his dignity (for now) and his humanity (forever).
Lara2244: Poor them indeed. Alejandro shouldn't have voted for Beth, because that's going to bite him in the perfectly-sculpted rear really soon...
Gucci Mane LaFlare: Thanks! Some of the meals cooked in the original were too disgusting even for this fic, so I pilfered some others from later episodes (can you name all the references?). The hot sauce and the tiebreaker food are my own creations.
Monday, November 6, 2017
"Last time on Total Drama – I served up a bowl full of fun! [Third Rotation grimacing at the dolphin hot dogs] No good reality show lacks an eating competition, but Chef alone didn't make the cut, pun unintended. [Chef complaining in the bonus clip] I made eleven unique meals with ingredients from all over the animal [Ryan eating the starfish] and plant [Most of Seventh Rotation suffering from the hot sauce] kingdoms! [The algae chickens] And wherever it is that algae are currently classified. The Mighty Meats [Brody admitting to liking the tree octopus meatloaf] won, but we ended up in a tie between the Delightful Dairy [Ella choking on the skunk stink shake] and the Outrageous Oils [Taylor spitting out her cockroach shot]. So we brought out the scrapped advantage! [Le Stink Bomb a la Chris causing Sugar to pass out...twice] In the end, Beth failed to feast, so her team threw her out like yesterday's oatmeal. [Beth's elimination] Oh, and Amy lost her immunity idol. [Cody chewing out Amy] But that's not important right now. However, something else is."
Chris walked over to the VR machine. "Today we'll be having our twentieth challenge, and you know what that means. That's right, it's another trip into the Total Drama Virtual Reality Generator." He strapped one of the VR helmets on.
A flash of light, and the scene shifted to a Hispanic woman's skin. Chris, who'd been turned into a teal Naegleria fowleri with black flagella, came onscreen. "Germaphobes beware, we're going on a fantastic voyage today. Sixty-five contestants remain. Who's going to come down with victory fever and who'll be circulated away? Find out in today's episode of
"Total.
"Drama!"
Theme song
*Instrumental*
A camera appeared from a pulmonary valve, scaring off a heartworm. Another came from a pore, startling a follicle mite. The third popped out in front of a black-irised eye, which widened in fear and shot tears at the camera, shorting it.
Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine
You guys are on my mind
Surfer Dudes United did what they did best, and surfed down the bloodstream using red blood cells as boards.
You asked me what I wanted to be
And now I think it's plain to see
Owen waded around in the stomach, his mouth open expectantly. The food the stomach's owner began cascading down, but since Owen was so much smaller he was quickly swamped with it.
I wanna be famous
Heather, Josee, and Taylor battled it out on a rubber raft. However, the raft was in a bladder, which promptly emptied itself, the flow of urine taking them with it. A surprisingly humanoid white blood cell and a surprisingly humanoid antihistamine scratched their heads in confusion when they witnessed this.
*Instrumental*
In the lungs, Courtney picked up a small bubble and drank it. The bubble turned out to be made of vitamin B2, as it caused Courtney to suddenly become buff.
I want to live close to the sun
Well, pack your bags cause I've already won.
Brick, Scott, Jo, and Lightning tried to outdo each other as they climbed a hair. It didn't end well for Lightning because he got dragged back down by a louse.
Everything to prove nothing in my way
I'll get there one day
Duncan and Alejandro taped Jay to a bone using platelets. As soon as they left, though, Noah and Emma appeared and peeled the cell fragments off, freeing him.
'Cuz I wanna be famous
Dave was walking along when he saw a smooth yellow-orange organ in front of him. Immediately recognizing what it was, he blushed and hung a "NSFW" sign on it.
Na na nana na na nana nana na na na na na naaaaah
Mike and Zoey screamed as they ran down a nerve, trying to beat the electric impulses before they zapped them.
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous
Standing on an unidentified muscle, Tyler made various moves. However, while he was doing one the muscle shifted, and Tyler landed in a painful split.
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous.
Jen poked a needle at a pimple. It erupted, letting swarms of multicolored bacteria slither out and covering her in pus.
*Whistling*
At the campfire, as the other campers I didn't have time to name looked on excitedly, Cody and Sammy looked each other in the eyes...and then everyone got eaten by neutrophils that believed they were germs.
Fab Fruits
Trent shivered in his cabin. "Brrr. I can't believe it's getting this cold already!"
"Me either," Cody agreed. "I'm just glad it's not snowing!"
"Would it seriously kill Chris to get some better heating?" Eva grumbled.
"I don't know. Why don't you come to today's challenge and find out?" Chris asked.
"...How did you get here?"
"I walked, duh!"
"We're coming, just let us get our coats," Trent sighed.
Some time later
"I hope you've got strong stomachs and a good understanding of science for this one. Everyone check for your teams!"
Cody, Sam, Harold, Leshawna, Crimson, Ennui, Jasmine, Shawn, Sammy, Ella, Sky, Courtney, Jay, Scarlett, Bridgette, and Jacques' paper circles had a gray star-shaped object with a long tail.
Dave, Owen, Noah, Sierra, Emma, Stephanie, MacArthur, Brick, B, Izzy, Tyler, Lorenzo, Katie, Sadie, Jen, and Kitty's had a white blob.
Trent, Amy, Zoey, Mike, Gwen, Justin, Josee, Taylor, Geoff, Sugar, Lightning, Eva, Jo, Beardo, Duncan, and Lauren's had an indigo icosahedron with small projections.
DJ, Dawn, Brody, Devin, Ryan, Brady, Heather, Alejandro, Carrie, Topher, Scott, Tom, Sanders, Cameron, Miles, and Laurie's had a green oval covered in hairlike filaments.
And Lindsay's had a purplish-pink likeness of her face.
"Today we're going inside Lindsay!" Chris announced. "The premise? Lindsay is a happy girl who thinks nothing could go wrong with her body. Or could it? If you got an indigo circle, you are the Viruses, and your job is to kill her and clone yourselves ad infinitum!"
Everyone who wasn't actually evil looked uneasy at this.
"But Lindsay's body can fight back on many fronts! If you got a gray circle, you are the Brain Cells, and your job is to rally the other teams! If you got a white circle, you are Immunity, and your job is to fend off the invading viruses. If you got a green circle, you are the Probiotics, various gut bacteria who can make yummy substances to bolster the human cells' defenses.
"This is a last-man-standing competition. If Lindsay dies, she's automatically out." Lindsay's pupils shrank as many of the others gasped. "Whichever of the other teams to be completely kicked out of the game first is the one who eliminates someone. Again, assuming Lindsay survives. Good luck!"
An intern pressed a button once everyone had their helmets strapped on, and footage of a visceral, slimy dark pink environment appeared on the canvas screen...
Corporeal
"So is everyone inside me?" Lindsay asked. Only she was still a complete human. "Wow, this is a weird challenge! I hope I don't lose..."
Brain Cells
"This is awesome!" Cody exclaimed. He was a small neuron whose membrane was the same light yellow as his shirt. "Wait a minute," he said, realizing his voice wasn't the right tone and his eyes had visible lashes. "Am I...a girl?"
"I think so," Sammy answered. She was a much larger red neuron whose axon extended far beyond their field of vision. "Lindsay's a girl, so that means all of her cells, including us, are genetically female."
"Right, duh, how could I have forgotten?" Cody chuckled. "Hm, you seem to be a motor neuron of some sort, so we're probably in the spinal cord right now. Can you talk to the others?"
"Yep! I can tune in to their electrical impulses and Leshawna's sending one right now." Through them, they could see and hear all the other neurons.
Leshawna had been turned into a beige neuron whose shape was quite common in the brain. "Alright, we gotta figure out what we're doin'."
"I think we have the best chance of lasting the longest," Harold said. He (the guys still identified as males, so I'm continuing to call them such) was blue and was connected to the first segment of Leshawna's axon. "Neurons live basically as long as the person does, while most white blood cells die in less than a week."
"But there's still a good chance we're going to go up against a neuron-targeting virus," Scarlett, who was a light green cell making up the myelin sheath of an NPC brain cell, pointed out. "We need to wait for Immunity to identify the viruses we're going up against and raise the alarm."
"I'm technically a white blood cell too, so I can interface with them," Courtney, a gray blob with many projections and fringes, put in. "Once we do we'll figure out how to attack."
Viruses
"What kind of virus am I?" Zoey asked. Her head was an elongated red icosahedron; coming out of the bottom was a dark green tube with six legs at the end, resting on the cells of Lindsay's tongue.
"I think you're a phage," Gwen said. She was a much smaller dark green virus roughly the shape of her head in the real world. "You can only infect bacteria, and only E. coli at that. Me, I'm pretty sure I'm mumps, so Lindsay probably already got her shots against me. Not like I won't try to help, but it probably won't work all that well."
"Alright chumps, listen up!" Jo barked. She was a gray spheroid with numerous mushroom-shaped projections covering her capsid. "If there's anyone who can identify us, please do! The sooner we kill the bimbo, the better."
"I studied viruses for a project once," Lauren, a small blue sphere surrounded by a red bubble, said timidly. "And I think Amy and Josee should go out first."
"Why us?" Amy grumbled. She was blood red and shaped like a bullet.
"And WHY with HER?!" Josee growled. She was small, icosahedral, and bubblegum pink.
"It's because of the nature of your diseases," Lauren replied. "Amy's a rabies virus, and Josee's a type of enterovirus, specifically #71. Both of them specifically target brain cells."
"Oh, that's brilliant!" Josee said, suddenly happy. "We can easily wipe them out! I normally don't like going outside my boundaries, but Amy, care to help me win this?"
"Of course! Samey's on that team! And boy, throwing her out this early would teach her her place! I may have lost my idol, but I'm not losing the fight in me!"
"Excellent," Josee grinned maliciously.
Suddenly, a massive white tongue licked the backs of all of the viruses. The owner quickly retreated faster than they could react to it.
"...Okay, what the heck was THAT?!" Justin, a small gray icosahedral virus, exclaimed.
"Hey! It took away my thingies!" Jo cried on noticing some of her projections were missing.
Immunity
The reason why was obvious. Those "thingies" were antigens, the proteins all cells use to identify themselves. Owen, being a dendritic cell, had sampled them and brought them back to his team. He sucked in a gulp of plasma and pushed, projecting the antigens on his back.
Brick was a dark green lymphocyte and coughed up a large pile of antibodies after touching Owen's back. Lorenzo, a purple lymphocyte of the other camp, began sticking the antibodies onto the antigens to identify their owners and their risk level. "Rhinovirus. Low threat. Yellow fever virus. High threat. H3N2 flu virus. Moderate threat. Ebola virus. High threat. Rabies virus. High threat. Bacteriophage. Low threat (for us). SARS virus. High threat. Rotavirus. Moderate threat. Polio virus. High threat. Measles virus. Low threat."
"How is measles a low threat?" Emma, a red-orange cell with orange bubbles and a three-segmented black nucleus, asked.
"Lindsay already got her vaccines for it."
"Ah."
Lorenzo continued analyzing the antibodies. "Hepatitis A. Low threat. Mumps virus. Low threat. Chickenpox virus. Low threat. Norovirus. Moderate threat. Rubella virus. Low threat. I don't recognize this last one..."
Kitty, a red cell covered in black tendrils, picked up the last antigen, one of Josee's. "It's from an Enterovirus 71. High threat. It's the cause of foot, hand, and mouth disease. But it can also target brain cells, so someone should go tell them."
"I can do that. I'm not really good for much but traveling anyway," Jen said. Unlike the NPC red blood cells, she was periwinkle so her team could tell her apart from them.
"And I'll hitch a ride so you don't inadvertently cause an aneurysm," a tiny dark red platelet said in Noah's voice. As platelets lacked DNA he was the only one to remain fully male.
"Okay everyone! Brick, start pumping out antibodies. B, keep track of them. Granulocytes and macrophages, get ready to eat. Killing cells, follow Jen and Noah to the brain in case one of them gets infected," Dave, a sky blue mast cell, ordered.
"You're really motivated today," Stephanie, a rosy pink cell filled with small bubbles and a purple peacock-shaped nucleus, said. "Even more than me, and that's really saying something!"
"Of course I am! When else am I going have the chance to kill germs at the cellular level?!"
Probiotics
"I doubt many of us are actually considered probiotic," Heather glowered. She'd been turned into a pill-shaped bacterium the same dull red as her shirt.
"Yeah, you're crap. Literally, your particular species is found in fecal matter," Miles, a light yellow oval-shaped bacterium, commented. Heather fumed when she heard this.
"So what's our job?" Carrie asked. She was teal and shaped like a cartoon bone.
"Eating nonstop so the cells can eat our poop, essentially," Cameron, here a red rod-shaped bacterium, explained. "We can produce substances this body cannot. We're its symbiotes."
"Well, let's hope Lindsay eats something good," Alejandro, a cherry red shoe-shaped cell with a brown circle embedded in his lower half, finished. Everyone went their separate ways.
"DJ? May I speak with you?" a small green sphere asked in Dawn's voice.
Her boyfriend, a much larger olive green Y-shaped cell from the same genus as Carrie, looked down. "Sure. What's bothering you?"
"I know and respect your desire to not vote for your friends, but...not everything is as it seems."
"What do you mean?"
"I'm talking about Alejandro. He may act affable to most people, but I can see the white in his aura. And for me, white represents deceit, for it can blend with other colors to mask their true identities. DJ, think about it: there has to be some symbolism with Alejandro's species. Did you recognize it?"
"No, not really. What is he?"
"He's Clostridium difficile. An opportunistic pathogen that waits for antibiotics to clear out its competitors so it can take over the entire large intestine."
DJ's eyes widened in realization, before he came up with something. "Look, I won't actually vote, but I can be a messenger between you guys. That alright?"
"It's suitable," Dawn replied. "Just like you." She floated up so she was at eye level with him and affectionately nuzzled his face. Their world suddenly gurgled. "I think Lindsay may have recently eaten. Come, we need to build up enough resources to divide. It's our team's best chance at surviving."
DJ happily followed her.
Confessional – DJ.
"Man, I love that girl," DJ grinned. The confessionals were held on top of a red blood cell. "I'm so glad we met."
"Would you mind getting off me? I have kidneys I need to be at!" the red blood cell angrily complained.
"Oops! My bad, miss." He got up and the cell lazily drifted away.
Corporeal
Lindsay finished her hot dog. "Ah, that was yummy! But it's kinda weird I'm the only person here..."
Brain Cells: Cody (Renshaw cell), Sam (olfactory receptor neuron), Harold (chandelier cell), Leshawna (Rsad pyramidal grid cell), Crimson (satellite cell), Ennui (Purkinje cell), Jasmine (bipolar cell of the retina), Shawn (basket cell), Sammy (alpha motor neuron), Ella (Hair cell), Sky (Betz cell), Courtney (microglial cell), Jay (oligodendrocyte), Scarlett (Schwann cell), Bridgette (tanycyte), and Jacques (Gomori-positive astrocyte).
Immunity: Dave (mast cell), Owen (dendritic cell), Noah (thrombocyte), Sierra (eosinophil), Emma (neutrophil), Stephanie (basophil), MacArthur (M1 macrophage), Brick (plasma cell), B (regulatory B lymphocyte), Izzy (natural killer cell), Tyler (osteoclast), Lorenzo (helper T lymphocyte), Katie (regulatory T lymphocyte), Sadie (M2 macrophage), Jen (erythrocyte), and Kitty (cytotoxic T lymphocyte).
Viruses: Trent (Rhinovirus B), Amy (Rabies virus), Zoey (Enterobacteria phage T4), Mike (H3N2 influenza A virus), Gwen (mumps virus), Justin (poliovirus), Josee (Enterovirus 71), Taylor (yellow fever virus), Geoff (hepatitis A virus), Sugar (Norwalk virus), Lightning (Rubella virus), Eva (measles virus), Jo (SARS coronavirus), Beardo (Zaire ebola virus), Duncan (Rotavirus D), and Lauren (Varicella-Zoster virus).
Probiotics: DJ (Bifidobacterium longum), Dawn (Streptococcus thermophilus), Brody (Bacteroides fragilis), Devin (Lactobacillus salivarius), Ryan (Lactobacillus bulgaricus), Brady (Lactobacillus brevis), Heather (Enterococcus faecium), Alejandro (Clostridium difficile), Carrie (Bifidobacterium infantis), Topher (Lactobacillus acidophilus), Scott (Escherichia coli), Tom (Methanobrevibacter smithii), Sanders (Bacillus laterosporus), Cameron (Lactobacillus plantarum), Miles (Pediococcus acidilactici), and Laurie (Bacillus coagulans).
Corporeal: Lindsay
Hosts: Chris (Naegleria fowleri), Chef (Giardia lamblia)
"Weird indeed!" Chris agreed. He and Chef, who was a white showerhead-shaped protozoan with eight dark gray flagella, were swimming in a cup of water. "When's Lindsay going to kick it? Find out after these messages."
Do da do da doo. Commercial break!
"And we're back!" Chris said to the audience. "After a few wrong turns, Josee and Amy have finally made it to the brain!"
"Uh, mister, who are you talking to?" a cyanobacterium also in the water asked.
"What's that over there?" The bacterium turned long enough for Chris to eat it (bacteria are inherently sexless) alive.
Viruses
Amy and Josee squeezed out through the edges of a blood vessel into the brain itself. "Alright, which one of you losers is first?" Amy asked, viciously grinning. The NPC neurons gulped nervously.
However, they were too late. The Brain Cells had already been warned by Jen and Noah about the viruses' arrival. Two tendrils shot out from behind them and dragged them screaming into Courtney's maw.
The Highstrung CIT waited a little bit before spitting out the few capsid protein fragments that remained of them. "No one messes with my team. No one."
Brain Cells
"I'm surprised there's so many of these guys in here," Courtney admitted as she returned to her team. "I always figured Lindsay to be the dim type."
"You shouldn't be sayin' that. Not after what Noah found at the top front of her brain," Leshawna said darkly.
"What could it be?" Courtney asked herself as she swam upwards through the tangles of white matter. Suddenly, she hit something. After shaking her head, she found herself looking at an orange, stringy lump taking up a decent part of Lindsay's frontal lobe. Many of the cells in the area were dead. "What is that?"
"As a platelet, I seem to instinctually know," Noah replied, coming up to her. "That's scar tissue. Lindsay must've had a nasty head injury at some point in her life. Probably why she's so scatterbrained."
"Oh..." Courtney said, immediately remorseful of her earlier treatment of the blonde. "Wow, I've been a real [a word], haven't I?"
"Yeah, but you can make it up to her by keeping her alive."
Confessional – Courtney.
"I have a low threshold for annoyances, and Lindsay just ticked me off a lot. But knowing she can't exactly help it makes me feel really bad. But Noah's right, I'll keep her alive and in the run for the winning."
Probiotics
"Hey Brody, follow me. The nutrients would go out faster if we're right in the blood," Scott, a white rod-shaped bacterium with several orange flagella, said.
"Okay," replied the tall pink bacillus.
"Um, gut bacteria aren't supposed to be in the bloodstream," an intestine cell protested as the two wiggled past her.
"Ah, shaddap." They made their way into the bloodstream, only for an NPC neutrophil to slither by and eat them.
"And that would be why," the intestine cell snarked.
Confessional – Scott (real world).
"Heather told me that the surfers have an alliance," he explained. "Hopefully they'll think Brody should've known better than to trust me and vote him out."
Viruses
"I fit right in with you guys!" Sugar, an icosahedral virus with a lumpy light pink capsid, exclaimed. Other, gray viruses of her species filled Lindsay's stomach, invading the cells of the lining and killing them, filling the chyme with their clones.
"And you fight right in my stomach," MacArthur, a large dark blue macrophage, declared, eating Sugar and several other noroviruses. "Or whatever cells have instead of those."
"Wait, Lindsay's sick?" Emma asked.
"Looks like it. Don't blame her, the last challenge had all sorts of gross things. And the timing's right for this particular virus."
Emma thought, and then said:
"I have an idea on how we might win. Get everyone to alert the brain cells once I explain what we're doing."
"We're doing what?!" Sammy exclaimed.
"We're causing Lindsay to have diarrhea. Not only will that take out many of the Viruses, it'll decimate the entirety of the Probiotics team. They're completely restricted to her large intestine, giving them a huge disadvantage," Cody explained.
"Alright," Sammy groaned. Her sodium/potassium channels opened and closed quickly, creating a charge imbalance that sent off a signal to Lindsay's muscles. "I feel so...violating."
"Don't worry. You want to hear about violation? Well..."
Sierra, a reddish-purple cell filled with yellow bubbles and a teal headphones-shaped nucleus, entered the spinal cord to talk to Cody. She gasped when she saw Cody and Sammy talking to each other and rolled away, sulking tremendously.
Confessional – Sierra.
"Cody NEVER talks to me that way, but with THAT hussy?!" She growled. "Where's an autoimmune disorder when you need it most?"
Confessional – Human Erythrocyte #1,468,924,002 of the City of Lindsay Northern.
"WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP SITTING ON ME?!"
Corporeal
Lindsay groaned. "Oh, ew, I better poo before I ruin my panties." She rushed into a bathroom and closed the door.
Probiotics
Their world shuttered. "What's happening?!" Tom, the token archaeaon, green and burrito-shaped, shrieked. Behind him, one of Scott's clones burst, releasing several more clones of Zoey.
"Lindsay's going number two!" DJ hollered back. "And taking us with it!"
"Meaning our plan is coming to fruition," Alejandro said to Heather. They grinned evilly.
The plan was simple: first, get Brody and Scott thrown out of the game early to make the former a target. Then, use the Viruses to get Lindsay to flush them out. It was deviously simple and would cripple the only alliance besides the Misfit Alliance who knew of Alejandro's true nature: Surfer Dudes United.
And it was completely and totally effective, because despite the many clones that had been made (all of Dawn's trailing behind her like a snake), the entire team was flushed out of Lindsay's body.
Immunity
"Ingenious!" Brick exclaimed. "Now let's take care of those half-alive evildoers, shall we?"
"Bite me, Brick!" He looked up to see Jo race towards him, her antigens poised. "I just found out what my thingies are for. They're for invading cells! One touch, and I'm in!" But instead of penetrating, she harmlessly bounced off his membrane. "WHAT?!"
"You should've paid more attention in ninth grade bio," Brick boasted. "Viruses can't enter a cell without the right receptor. And SARS viruses like yourself target cells in the respiratory tract, not in the blood."
"SARS? What the heck is that?" Jo asked.
"Irrelevant," Brick replied. "Because you can't infect period if your antigens are bound!" He spat out numerous antibodies that matched Jo's color, and they stuck to her, weighing her down. "Now!"
Stephanie ate her. "Brick, I can't continue much longer. Any more and I'll lyse! And I had no chance to clone myself!'
"Don't worry, I did," Emma said, showing them her hundreds of clones. "Attention all Emmas: do not let up until every last virus is eaten!"
"CHAAAAAAARGE!" her clones shouted in unison, before targeting the several other viruses.
The resulting battle was chaotic. Virus and cell fragments littered the space outside the blood vessel, a war occurring right below Lindsay's left chin.
Izzy, a lime green cell, approached a cheek cell that had been infected. "Please, for the greater good," the latter begged.
"Yep!" Izzy opened her mouth and a long, wiry tongue shot out and tapped a specific spot. The cheek cell turned into a bunch of bubbles as she died via apoptosis.
Izzy smirked. Being a natural killer cell sure was a good outlet for her psychotic urges. She saw another dying cell and rushed over to help.
"Crap, we're outnumbered," Trent, a small yellow-green virus, panted. He and Beardo, who was long and gray, had no desire to hurt Lindsay, so they'd escaped to her nose.
"Should we leave?" Beardo asked.
"I thought you'd never ask! Throw me at those hairlike thingies at the top." Beardo wrapped himself around Trent and launched him at them. Trent landed, fiddled with them, then let go and fell back down.
"What was that?" Beardo asked.
"Wait for it..."
"Found you!" They gulped when they saw Dave menacingly approach, histamines leaking out of his mouth.
Then, the world shook.
Lindsay sneezed.
Beardo made the Tarzan yell as the last remnants of the Viruses, and one of the Immunity, were launched out and slammed into a window.
Brain Cells
Jasmine, who'd been turned into a brown cell with an axon at one end and a single dendrite at the other, grimaced when she saw the pile of snot. She was one of the cells in Lindsay's eyes, so she saw the world first-hand. "Yuck. That's not gonna be fun to clean up."
Suddenly, she disappeared in a flash of blue light...
"I guess you guys had one cell of a time," Chris joked back in the real world.
"Ever hear of originality? You should try it sometime," Sanders commented.
Lindsay groaned. "I don't feel very good..." She quickly got up and ran away, her cheeks bulging as she fought the urge to vomit right there.
"What's with her?" Taylor asked.
"I can tell you what's goin' on," Chef growled. "Last Friday Lindsay drank something mostly made from eggs, and someone didn't wash his hands before he prepared it."
"You can't just assume the speaker's gender!" Tom admonished.
"I don't HAVE to assume his gender, it's Chris, stupid!"
"Oh. Oh. Whoopsies!"
"Why blame me?" Chris asked, legitimately clueless.
"Because it's basic hygiene and you don't know how to cook. It wouldn't surprise me if you managed to burn water!"
"But water can't burn," Cameron piped up.
"I know that, maggot! That's a measure of how little he knows about cooking; he doesn't even know the laws of nature!"
"CAN WE ALL JUST SHUT IT?!" Tyler shouted, immediately getting everyone's attention. "Lindsay's sick and none of you are going to help her! So I'm gonna do it myself!" He ran off in Lindsay's direction.
"Let him," Noah spoke. "Tyler cares more about her than anyone else. And speaking from experience, when you love someone, you become ten times more competent when they're in trouble."
Emma sniffled a bit when she heard this. When push came to shove, Noah could be surprisingly romantic.
Tyler found Lindsay puking in the confessional toilet. "You okay?" he asked.
"N-no. My tummy hurts..." and then she threw up again.
"Poor girl." Then Tyler saw her bandanna shift, revealing an unusual mark on the top of her head. "Uh, Linds? Would you mind removing your bandanna?"
Lindsay stopped throwing up and paled. Alternatively, she already was because of the sickness. It was hard to tell. "I don't want to. People would...laugh at me."
"I'm a person, and I'm not laughing."
Lindsay sniffled and removed her bandanna. Tyler gasped when he saw a thin, rough-edged scar running vertically halfway up the middle of her scalp.
"W-when I was four, I fell off the swings and hit my head r-really bad," she said quietly. "I-I've never been normal after that. I've just been...stupid."
"No, Linds, you're not stupid!"
"W-what? But I don't know things!"
"A lot of people have difficulty retaining things, and a lot more are forgetful," Tyler said. "True stupidity is marked by not recognizing that. And if you were as dumb as people say, then...you wouldn't be as nice as you are."
"Y-you think so?"
"I know so. Lindsay, you're one of the kindest, sweetest people I've ever met."
"But...I've never had a boyfriend..." she said sadly. "If I was compish...compassionate like you say I am, I'd be getting asked out by half the guys in our grade!"
"That's...kinda my fault, actually."
"What? How, Tyler?"
"Because, well, I kinda like you, and the other guys are waiting for me to muster the courage to say so. It's the code and all that. But I've told you now. So...is a loser like me good enough for you?"
"Oh, Tyler!" Lindsay tried to hug him.
"Sorry Linds, but I don't want to get sick."
"Right, right. But Tyler, why didn't you say so? I'd be happy to be with you! Because...you're really nice too."
They looked into each other's eyes and smiled bashfully.
"You done?" Chris asked impatiently when Tyler and Lindsay returned hand-in-hand. "Anyway, since the Brain Cells didn't lose anyone, they win! Their prize? An all-expenses-paid trip to the nearest pharmacy! If anyone not on that team has any requests for toiletries, please let them know ASAP.
"Immunity, you did well and lasted to the end. Since you lost some members, though, you come in second. Viruses, you caused a lot of havoc but didn't kill Lindsay. Speaking of, Lindsay, you got sick but didn't die, so you're safe!" Lindsay sighed in relief. "Your prize? Fresh oranges, hardboiled eggs, and tea!"
"Finally! I haven't had a good cup of tea in ages!" Sadie sighed.
"Probiotics, you all died first today, so you lose. Meet me at the campfire at eight, Probiotics, it's time to lyse!"
Confessional – Brody.
"Scott's the reason I died!" Brody fumed, writing SCOTT on a piece of paper. "Wait, does his name have one 't', two, or three?"
Confessional – Tom.
"I smell something shady about Al, and it's not because I was the thing that made farts," Tom said, writing ALEJANDRO on a piece of paper.
Confessional – Carrie.
"So not only is Duncan allied with Alejandro, Alejandro's been calling the shots all this time," Carrie explained. "As much as I want Scott gone for getting Brody killed, Alejandro's a far greater danger. Plus, y'know, the whole alliance-votes-together thing." She wrote ALEJANDRO on a piece of paper.
Confessional – Devin.
"Apparently Brody trusted Scott and got us wiped out early, so Alejandro's having us vote him out," Devin explained, writing BRODY on a piece of paper. "I kinda think we might've been set up to lose because we were stuck in a place we had no chance of escaping without dying, I dunno. But I personally think Brody's a nice guy and I'd hate to see him hurt. And I hope he and Val do get together someday. Their recklessness works great together."
"Here's how we do eliminations," Chris said. "We use the marshmallow system here. When I call your name, come get one." Sixteen marshmallows sat on the plate, three of them colored. "The marshmallows are color-coded to show how many votes you got to infect you with dramatitis. White means no votes against you, and the recipients are DJ, Dawn, Devin, Ryan, Brady, Heather, Lauren, Topher, Tom, Sanders, Cameron, Miles, and Laurie." They all got their marshmallows.
"Blue means you received only one vote against you. Today, however, we're skipping straight to green." He pointed to the lone green marshmallow. "Green means you got more than one vote, but are still safe. Scott, please take this, because you've got four votes against you."
"Wow, I wasn't expecting Scott to get so many votes today," Carrie commented.
"Yeah, maybe we should've voted for him," Sanders agreed.
Two colored marshmallows were left. "Orange means you're on the chopping block, but are safe. Red means you're outta here. Alejandro. Brody."
Brody gulped.
"Alejandro, you're one of our strongest competitors. Brody, your lack of understanding of bacterial biology cost your team today's win by jumpstarting its decline. With only one less vote...
...
...
...
...
"Alejandro is safe!"
"Thank the heavens," Alejandro sighed as he got the orange marshmallow.
"Aw, nuts," Brody cursed, mentally stopping himself before he could reveal his alliance.
Confessional – Geoff and Bridgette.
"Well this sucks," Geoff sighed. "Our alliance just lost a third of its power!"
"Yeah, and Heather and Alejandro are still at large!" Bridgette agreed. "And Brody didn't even get to tell Val he likes her! Though I suppose he could always do it at home..."
"Speaking of Val, I hope the Misfits figure out how to take away Al's and Heather's power real soon."
"Me too, sweetie. Me too."
Confessional – Heather.
"It's official. Lindsay's betrayed me. Sure, she's not in the Field Alliance, which'll last me to the end of the game for sure, but she's in Heather's Devils. Or rather, she was. She dates the Misfit, then she may as well BE one!" She crossed her arms. "That's what I told her when she came back from puking, and if she knows what's good for her, she'll dump Mr. Fan-spastic and come begging on her knees for my love!"
Confessional – Lindsay.
"I felt really good about telling everyone about my head," Lindsay said. She didn't look nearly as sick as she did before. "Now they actually want to help me. But Hannah, er, Heather said I'm not her friend anymore because I like Tyler. That I should be a Misfit too. And since the Misfits are nicer to me than Amy and Heather and many of their other friends back home have been...you know what, I think I should be a Misfit! Yeah! Suck it, Heather!" Then she did something surprising and mooned the camera in defiance, her tanlined crotch pixellated for the camera.
She was going to love her newfound freedom.
"Well, what an unusual turn of events that was," Chris said. "Twenty down. Sixty-four remain. Who'll find the ultimate cure to obscurity and who'll get a terminal case of no-one-cares-about-them? Find out on
"Total.
"Drama!"
"Chris, can I sit out next challenge?" Lindsay asked. "I still don't feel right..."
"Nonsense, Lindsay, you look fine!" She responded by throwing up on him. "...I stand corrected."
Votes:
DJ – Didn't vote
Dawn – Alejandro
Brody – Scott
Devin – Brody
Ryan – Brody
Brady – Brody
Heather – Brody
Alejandro – Brody
Carrie – Alejandro
Topher – Brody
Scott – Alejandro
Tom – Alejandro
Sanders – Alejandro
Cameron – Scott
Miles – Scott
Laurie – Scott
Results: 6-5-4 Brody-Alejandro-Scott
Eliminated: Staci, Leonard, Tammy, Leshaniqua, Spud, Chet, Dakota (ii), Phil (r), Ellody, Rock, Rodney (t), Anne Maria, Mickey, Jazz (r), Max, Mary, Junior, Zeke (t), Beth, Brody
Known active immunity idols: Josee (Crimson), Owen, Carrie, Tyler, Sammy (Noah), Geoff (Geoff), Justin (Ella), Duncan (Alejandro)
Future eliminations immunized against: Heather (2)
Bonus clip:
"Should we get some antibiotics for Lindsay?" Leshawna asked Harold the next day in the pharmacy.
"No, I've been told her ailment is caused by norovirus from the same species as Sugar's form in the game. Antibiotics won't work on viruses, so we should just let her rest."
Leshawna nodded. "Good call. Though I gotta say, it was pretty funny to see Chris get covered in upchuck."
"Karma is a lady dog, but only if you abuse her," Harold quoted. Leshawna laughed and they walked off together to get some more bandages.