Review time!
Lara2244: Yep, Al hates the Misfits a lot. We'll find out why that is later.
Gucci Mane LaFlare: Thanks! It's better than it was in TDAS, at least.
StarHeart Specials: Thanks! Sasquatchanakwa's origins are going to be explored very soon. Perhaps if you look in the earlier chapters you'll see something else orange that may be significant...
Joel Connell: Thanks! I actually mentioned Total Drama Winners back in Episode 1-15; go check that chapter out if you haven't already! And I'll see about looking into those stories. Max won't be the only one to find out the truth about Chris' past. Sammy was not responsible for her birth father's death, but the circumstances of it made Amy subconsciously believe she was, and their relationship soured from there.
Wednesday, November 15, 2017
"Last time on Total Drama – Season Two followed Season One's example and started off with a challenge involving water! [Geoff rowing confidently] Although it was one of our shorter episodes, we made up for it with all the action! [The Yellow Yaks throwing rocks at Shawn] We decorated wooden rowboats [Gwen's ornate design] that I ranked to give an advantage. [Zoey getting the harpoon gun] Then we raced! The Cyan Sharks [Zoey beaching Geoff] managed to avoid eliminating anyone else, which is good for them because they've lost a lot of people already. But the Yellow Yaks [Jasmine knocking Alejandro over with her oar] weren't so lucky. In a twist, shy girl Lauren did something no one else has had the guts to do before – she voted herself off! [Lauren's elimination]"
Chris stood at the Dock of Shame. "Sixty-two contestants remain. Who will give their tanks for the five million and who will banzai outta here? Find out here on
"Total.
"Drama!"
Theme song
*Instrumental*
A camera appeared from the snow-covered bushes, scaring off a squirrel. Another came from a tree, startling a blue jay. The third popped out of the ground, hitting a passing Harold in the groin. Jacques laughed at him, but stopped when he saw Leshawna glaring at him.
Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine
You guys are on my mind
The camera flew across the snowy island, passing Chris getting pampered by a disgusted Phil, Jo and Eva arm-wrestling, Dave attempting to flirt with Sky, Trent performing a song in front of an approving Ella, Crimson and Ennui staring blankly into space, and Jasmine fighting a mutated anglerfish.
You asked me what I wanted to be
And now I think it's plain to see
DJ, Miles, and Laurie were one with the few animals still awake during winter. Then Dawn showed up. DJ invited her to join them, while the Vegans glared at her.
I wanna be famous
Heather, Josee, and Taylor battled it out on the frozen lake in a game of hockey. Josee knocked the puck so hard it went flying right into one of B's inventions on the other side of the lake. Bridgette and Geoff watched, then the latter pulled out a card reading "7.5".
*Instrumental*
Owen trudged across the ice covering the river, which quickly broke under his weight. He jumped out of the water shivering. From afar, Sasquatchanakwa rolled his eyes as if to say "lightweight". Then Izzy appeared behind him and knocked him to the ground, before pulling out a camera and taking a picture of her catch.
I want to live close to the sun
Well, pack your bags cause I've already won.
Mike looked into a mirror and smiled at what he saw. His reflection included those of his alternate personalities, who were happily admiring their looks. Then an emo version of Mike, with his hair flipped over his face, suddenly appeared in the back, frightening everyone.
Everything to prove nothing in my way
I'll get there one day
Chef roasted the remains of a mutated rat in the cafeteria over the stove in front of the campers. Ryan and Stephanie looked at each other, then back at Chef with their game faces on. Behind them, Tyler, Lindsay, Zoey, Cameron, Sam, and Lightning mingled.
'Cuz I wanna be famous
Amy attempted to tackle Sammy, but Cody appeared and shoved her aside, before pulling Sammy into a hug. Behind them, Sierra cursed to herself.
Na na nana na na nana nana na na na na na naaaaah
Courtney, Duncan, and Gwen watched Sugar engage in a slap-fight with MacArthur to Sanders' disapproval. Courtney was holding Duncan's hand, but the latter was secretly checking out Gwen.
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous
Carrie and Devin sat together in the Climate Hall, the one warm part of the island left, when it suddenly began raining, and then the door opened, causing both to get very cold. It turned out Alejandro had been responsible. He grinned evilly at the camera. But he didn't notice Brick spying on him. Brick's eyes narrowed.
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous.
Topher chatted with Dakota, who was busy with intern work. Behind them, Scarlett breathed a sigh of relief as she looked behind the good cabin. Because of the colder weather, the lustblossoms were dormant.
*Whistling*
At the campfire, as the other campers I didn't have time to name looked on excitedly, Noah and Emma looked each other in the eyes...and then Justin interrupted the moment by appearing between them. They gave him immediate death glares, causing him to run off. The couple looked back at the camera with raised eyebrows.
"Okay, we're here," Tyler said. He and Lindsay stood in front of one of the inferior cabins that, due to there being seven teams but ten cabins total, was unoccupied. He knocked on the door.
The door opened just a crack. "And you are?" Eva asked from the other side, only her eye visible.
"Crimson Twist," Tyler said, remembering to use his codename.
"I'm, uh, er...Sunset Daydream?" Lindsay struggled.
"Sunrise Daydream, but close enough." Eva opened the door and they entered, then slammed it shut.
Outside, Jacques and Josee saw that exchange. "What are they up to?" Josee growled.
"I do not know. Let's find out, shall we?" Jacques asked. They slunk over and put their ears against the door.
Unfortunately for them, this had been anticipated. Inside the cabin, Eva made a gesture with her hand, and Owen and MacArthur nodded. They walked over to the door, planted their butts at the crack, and farted.
"AGH!" Josee coughed. "It's just not worth it! Let's get out of here!"
"Couldn't agree more!" They fled.
"Phew! That would've sucked if they'd heard," MacArthur sighed.
"So...why am I here?" Lindsay asked.
"For your initiation, duh!" Izzy cackled.
"It's not anything...awful, is it?"
"Nothing of the kind, miss," Brick replied. "In the social group known as the Misfits, we welcome you with open arms. But in the alliance of the Misfits, codename 'Team E-Scope', you must prove your worth to it in order to join. I'll let our alliance leader Noah fill you in."
Noah approached, looking quite imposing for someone who was only 5'4". Emma, Kitty, Dawn, and Mike flanked him. "Well, Lindsay, you've gotten on our nerves lots of times. But in the Misfits, everyone invariably gets on everyone else's nerves. It's the burden of our diversity, but one we face head-on."
"Uh...thanks, I guess," Lindsay said, scratching her bangs. Now that everyone knew about her injury, she no longer needed to hide it. "What do I have to do?"
"Vote with us," Noah replied simply. "We're going to assign you someone to bump off. Granted, they may not be on your team, and your team might not be the losing one. And someone else may get rid of them for you, in which case we'll simply assign you someone else. Also, your first priority is always winning, so DO NOT throw the challenge so you'll lose."
"I'd never do that! I swear on my sister's hamster's grave!"
"Good. Should you be on the losing team with them, though, we will vote with you together. Your mark is...Brady."
"WHAT?! But Brady's nice!"
"I know, he is," Mike agreed. "But we don't always vote for people because we don't like them. Take Ellody; we voted her out for her own mental health!"
"She was really sad when Chad, er, Chet, got thrown out. Not right away, but still."
"And we're voting Brady out because there are things he needs to know, things he'd only learn by watching the show," Sanders added.
Lindsay nodded. "I think I got it. But what does he need to know?"
"It regards his alliance, and his girlfriend," Emma explained. "Lindsay, who'd you vote for when Beth was eliminated after the eating challenge?"
"Sierra. She's kinda scary."
"Figured as much," Noah said. "Now, that day your team had eleven people, meaning there were eleven possible votes for Beth assuming she voted for herself. You voted for Sierra, so that's ten left to explain."
"DJ, like Ella, does not vote," Dawn continued, "so that's nine."
"Beth was in our alliance, and I voted with her for Taylor," Owen added. "And the Geeks have an agreement with us, so Sam voted for Taylor too. That's six."
"The vote against Alejandro most likely came from Geoff, due to a shared negative history," Brick said. "That means, as Chris himself confirmed, that Beth got five votes. You already know Heather and Taylor dislike her, so that's three left. Topher and Sierra were most likely mad at her for getting away from them during the third VR challenge, so that leaves only one."
Lindsay's eyes grew wide in horror. "Al was the last vote. But...why? I thought he was cool!"
"Alejandro is evil, actually," Eva grunted. "He hides his true nature so he can get ahead by lying. Of his alliance, only Duncan knows."
"And why Brady?" Noah asked rhetorically. "Well, Duncan's likely to get votes no matter what. Carrie has a painfully obvious crush on Devin–"
"Hey!"
"It's true! Anyway, that means Devin's off-limits. Ditto Ryan because we think we could make a deal with Stephanie if we promise not to vote for him. And Alejandro usually doesn't get as many votes as we'd like him to. Thus, Brady's the only safe option."
"I wasn't happy when I found out about Al's real face," Owen reflected, "but when Beth left I realized that was the only thing that made sense. Lindsay, think about it; don't you want Brady to know the truth too?"
"Yeah, I do," Lindsay said, paused in thought. She breathed. "Okay. I'll try."
"Good to hear," Emma smiled. "Don't worry, you're gonna do great. Trust me on this."
Some time later
"Okay everybody!" Chris announced. "I want you to break into your teams from the third challenge." They did.
"Uh, can this challenge go quickly? I have a test on WW1 tomorrow," Devin asked.
"Funny you should say that, Devin, because war is the theme of today's challenge!"
Brick's eyes lit up when he heard this.
"Today will be our first four-part challenge. First, you must jump from your designated jet into a ball pit. There will be a couch in the middle and whoever lands on the couch becomes team captain for the day. Don't worry, you all get parachutes.
"Next, you're going to use paintballs to make a creative explosion of color. The paint is color-coded: pink for the Amazons, blue for I'm Super Delicious, [everyone cringed when he said that], and orange for Victory. Whoever makes the best art gets an advantage in part three.
"The last part is a game of capture the flag, but instead of a flag, I have this!" Chris pulled out a wooden treasure chest. "What's in the Chest of Untold Secrets? Is it an angry mutant, a wad of cash, or is it an immunity idol? To find out you gotta play keepaway until I call time. Whoever has the chest at the end wins!
"But to determine our losing team, I've devised one more challenge: trench digging! You need to dig a trench deep enough to hide Jasmine, our tallest contestant at 6'5". Whoever finishes it first gains safety; whoever can't eliminates someone. Good luck!"
Team Amazon: Cody, Heather, Gwen, Courtney, Sierra, Jasmine, Eva, Dawn, Emma, Kitty, Zoey, Sanders, MacArthur, Katie, Sadie, Laurie, Miles, Ella, Sky, Sugar, and Carrie.
Team CIRRRRH: Tyler, Izzy, Owen, Alejandro, Duncan, Noah, Trent, Topher, Tom, Jen, Crimson, Ennui, Justin, Jo, B, Beardo, Cameron, Devin, Ryan, Stephanie, Brick, Mike, and Dave.
Team Victory: Harold, Leshawna, DJ, Bridgette, Lindsay, Sammy, Amy, Lorenzo, Scarlett, Geoff, Brady, Lightning, Shawn, Taylor, Jacques, Josee, Sam, and Jay.
Team Amazon
Everyone had gotten into their respective planes and was waiting for them to get in range. "Say Kitty, what are the odds we end up with all-female captains?" MacArthur asked.
"Unless Cody gets really lucky, we're definitely gonna have one," Kitty replied.
"Yeah, me," Heather gloated. Once their plane was in position, they all jumped. And Heather...
Did not land on the couch.
"Maybe save the confidence for a challenge not dependent on random chance," Gwen smirked. Her expression changed. "But who's our captain?"
"I believe I am," Ella replied. She was the only one of her team to land on the couch. "Never fear though, I will leave the planning of violence to you."
"Fine by me," Eva shrugged.
Behind them, Sugar spat out a red plastic ball and glared daggers at Ella. "I'll get you yet," she promised.
Team CIRRRRH
"Owen's most likely going to be our captain because if he aims himself at the couch, he'll have a higher chance of hitting it because he's bigger than all of us," Topher mused. "Not that I wouldn't want to be the captain of Chris' flagship team."
"At least you would be better than that butter boy," Alejandro muttered to himself. Once the ball pit was in sight, everyone jumped. But it was Owen's significant other that made the cut rather than Owen himself.
"Ah-HAH! Finally IZZY has the power now!" the Psycho Hose Beast declared. "Hey, why am I a 'Psycho Hose Beast'?"
"Don't you remember that Halloween costume you made in second grade?" someone very important asked from offscreen.
"Oh yeah! That was fun! Still don't get why it got me a lifetime ban from Home Depot though."
Confessional – Justin.
"I'm surprised she didn't get banned for two."
Team Victory
"Bad luck's gonna fail me now," Jay said to himself. He took a deep breath and jumped with his team. He landed just an inch away from the edge of the pit. "Wow, that could've hurt a lot worse than it did!" he said in amazement, which is when fate gave in to temptation and dropped DJ on him.
Lindsay landed with a ploof on the couch. "Wait, so am I like the boss or something?" she asked.
"Looks like it," Sam said. He set his hand down and felt something hairy. "Wait, is there a rat in here?!"
"I have a NAME, you know!" Amy roared as she burst out from underneath him, plastic balls flying everywhere. Then she froze. "Wait, did I just call myself a rat?" Behind her, Sammy giggled, no longer fearing Amy's reactions.
"And I guess," Lindsay realized, "that this makes me Admiral Lindsay Her Hotness!"
"Lindsay, I don't think any of these challenges will involve water," Harold piped up.
"We don't know that! Chris has a magic remote that can make anything we say real!"
"True," Harold admitted.
"Okay, now that we've all decided on who your captains are, it's time to explain part two's rules!" Chris announced. "You will each be given paint bombs and an air-powered charger. Points will be rewarded for how creative the stain in the ground turns out. You can increase the size of the boom by pumping more air into the charger, but you may lose creativity points depending on how much each paint bomb's range overlaps with those of its compadres. Sound good? Then get to it!"
Team CIRRRRH
"I think I proved my art skills last time, so I should take the lead on this one," Duncan said.
Izzy scoffed. "Why? So you can make another skull?"
"No! ...Yes. But so what? At least I'm not a nutjob who's part of an enormous alliance!"
"Well ain't that hypocritical," Noah quipped, earning some stunned gasps from those still unaware of the existence of the Guy's Alliance.
"As our captain," Izzy continued, "I think I should be the one," she started giggling madly, "to take on the explosion!"
"You can at least let us place them," Stephanie grunted.
"Yeah, okay, that's fair. Explosivo never liked the boring parts anyway. It's all about that boom-boom-BOOM!"
"...Explosivo?" Devin asked himself after the team parted ways.
Noah noticed and took a chance to weaken Alejandro's grip on him. "You know how Izzy becomes someone else if she uses all her intellect? Same's true if she completely gives in to her psychosis. This state is codenamed 'Explosivo', and surprisingly, is male. And yes, Izzy doesn't have MPD."
"Wow," Devin pondered. "She's messed up!"
"I know. Her parents were even worse. That's why she got fostered with Eva's family at a young age."
Team Victory
"Everyone, I'm ready to make our plan!" Lindsay announced, having found an admiral's cap and coat.
"Where'd she get the uniform?" Shawn asked himself.
"I think that artsy people like Leshawna should be the ones like, arranging the stuff. Smart people like Scarlett and Sam should be the ones making sure the charger works right."
"A wise choice, but what about the rest of us?" Jacques asked, irritated.
"Yeah! Sha-Lightning could own this challenge!" Lightning agreed.
"I need you to keep the chest on our side in the next part," Lindsay explained.
"Ah! You're keeping us from overexerting ourselves," Jacques nodded. "You know, you're much smarter than you've been before."
"Well, before I didn't feel good about myself enough to try," Lindsay replied simply.
As everyone began to part, Lindsay made another smart move. "Bridgette? DJ? Harold? Leshawna? Can I talk to you guys? Like, alone?"
"Sure. What is it?" Bridgette asked once everyone else was out of earshot.
"I've been told to vote Brady off, and...I just can't help but wonder, am I doing the right thing?"
"I think it depends on your reasons," Leshawna stated. "What're yours?"
"We need to make it so Jalapeño, er, Alejandro, has less people voting with him. And we want Brady to know why Beth's gone."
"Geoff did mention he suspected one of the votes for Beth came from him," Bridgette murmured.
"So I think it's alright, in this case," Leshawna decided. "I mean, I'm a free spirit so I'm not gonna join an alliance anytime soon, but I think I can vote with you guys this time."
"I actually am in one, and so's Bridgette," Harold added. "She can convince Geoff and I can convince my friends if we're all on the same team as him."
"Yeah!" Bridgette agreed.
"And I may not vote, but I'll spread the word if needed!" DJ finished.
Lindsay smiled. "I officially declare the Triumph Deal made!"
"How fittingly named! Hopefully it's not gonna come in play today," Chris said. "But only time will tell, right? Find out after these messages."
Do da do da doo. Commercial break!
"And we're back!" Chris said to the audience. "Our contestants have been working hard to come up with a good piece of paint bomb art. And now it's time to see what they've come up with. We're going smallest team to biggest, so Team Victory is up first!"
Team Victory
"Get in positions!" Lindsay ordered. Scarlett and Harold did so. "Fire in three...two...one!"
The Mad Scientist and the Dweeb pushed down the plunger's handle. The paintballs burst, fine orange mist drifting lazily in the cold fall air. When the air cleared, Team Victory's artwork was revealed to be an orange stereotypical asterid flower.
"Hm...kinda average, but I know what it is, at least," Chris said. "Team Amazon, you're next!"
Team Amazon
Although they hadn't been seen in the earlier montage, Team Amazon had been working very hard. MacArthur set off the paint bombs to paint the dead ground pink. Their artwork was a music staff with notes.
"Not bad! What's the piece?" Chris asked.
"It's the first few measures of our theme song," Ella explained.
"Well I'll be. This must've taken a LOT of effort! You're in the lead for now! But now it's time for Team Chris is Really, Really, Really, Really Hot!"
Team CIRRRRH
Izzy alone was dangerous. Izzy with explosives, even if they did lack the flaming aspect, was even worse. She cackled madly and raised the plunger to its maximum height before shoving it down. A big splat of blue was left over.
"...Is this some abstract representation of thought?" Chris asked, confused.
"No, it's supposed to be a soccer ball," Tyler replied. "I guess Izzy must've put too much air into the charger."
"And that's why we can't have nice things!" Chris decided. "Team Me's in last place! Since Team Amazon won this part, they get an advantage!" He handed Gwen a key. "The Chest of Untold Secrets will stay that way unless it's opened. But it's locked shut, so if Gwen gets the chest, she can open it herself and automatically win it for her team. Teams CIRRRRH and Victory will need to figure out their own ways to open it."
B, unbeknownst to him, quickly sketched the contours of the key's teeth so he could make a duplicate.
"Wow. Okay then. Guess I should hide it, then," Gwen mused.
"Not really. Any attempts to steal the key from you will disadvantage them in the trench digging."
"I didn't know you could be that nice, Chris."
"Nice? You failed to keep Heather from finding her immunity idol, and I don't want that to happen again." Gwen grimaced.
Confessional – Gwen.
"For those of you wondering why I hate Chris, that. That moment right there is the reason why."
"And now it's time for part three, so find your safehouses because you're gonna need them!"
"Especially because of how cold it is," Dave shivered.
"Oh grow up," Duncan growled.
"The chest will be placed in Zata Clearing. Once I blow the horn, you're gonna start!"
Team Amazon
Team Amazon had chosen the Mess Hall as their safe place. It was warm, spacious, and best of all they could break out Chef if things got too hairy.
"Alright, so which one of us is headin' out?" Jasmine asked.
"Hm..." Ella thought. "I think it'd have to be someone who can deal with being in low temperatures for prolonged periods of time."
"When you put it that way, I'm not sure I wanna go up against Jacques and Josee," Kitty murmured.
"Me either," Cody agreed.
"Don't worry! I can do it for you, my darling Codykins!" Sierra gushed. Cody sighed in disappointment.
"Me too. I'm from Minnesota originally, so I think I could try to help," Zoey added.
"Excellent!" Ella smiled.
Sierra and Zoey crept forward, inching towards the now-barren Zata Clearing, the blueberry bushes devoid of any life they'd had in the summer. "It's just sitting there. That can't be a good sign," Sierra murmured, shaking her head.
"What do you mean?"
"There's probably a trap somewhere nearby. Something we'd never see coming..."
And then it sprung. The two girls had been hiding behind a tree just outside the clearing, and were now dangling from it in a net.
"Like this?" Zoey asked.
"Yeah, like this."
"Sorry ladies, but that chest is as good as ours," Noah said, nonchalantly emerging from behind another tree and picking up the chest.
"But you can't open it! Nuh-uh, Gwen's got the only key!" Sierra taunted.
"Who says I needed the original? B drew its schematics and is fashioning a duplicate as we speak. So no, I think you guys are gonna need to toss someone. Perhaps Heather, now that her immunity's gone."
Sierra struggled against the ropes. "And don't think you can cut yourself free. I had Topher steal anything you could use for that while you weren't looking." The girls saw Topher sneak away with a nail file (Zoey's) and a Swiss Army knife, can opener, and industrial-grade scissors (Sierra's).
"Well, I guess I'll see you guys try to dig a dumb hole later," Noah said. "Ta-ta for now." He left, smirking.
"Oh, he's good," Zoey said in shock.
"Ohhh, I can't believe Cody let him kiss his ear," Sierra fumed. Zoey looked at the viewer with a disturbed look on her face.
Team CIRRRRH
"I've got the chest, guys," Noah said as he entered their safehouse, the washroom.
"Great!" Trent exclaimed. "B, is the key done yet?"
B nodded his head enthusiastically and pulled out the key, which he'd made from a small piece of sheet metal left over from building the bikes.
"That's great! Now let's open the chest and see what that secret is."
"Oh, but I think we want to know that more," Jacques said as he plowed through, knocking Noah over and snatching the chest as it was momentarily flung into the air. Josee appeared from behind B and slugged him in the face before grabbing the key while he was down.
"I hate them so. Much," Jen growled as the evil couple left.
"B, are you okay?" Owen asked. B nodded as he rubbed the emerging bruise on his right cheek. "Little buddy?"
"I've been worse," was Noah's strained reply.
"He's fine!" Owen announced.
"How fast can you make a new key?" Jo asked B. B held up seven fingers, then made a single sweeping circular, clockwise motion. "Seven minutes?" B nodded. "That's good! Now let's see if we can't take the chest back from the ice nerds. What say you, captain?"
Izzy cackled madly. "Permission granted."
Team Victory
"We are unstoppable!" Jacques exclaimed. Team Victory's safehouse, the Drama Gym, was in sight.
"Oui oui! I think the other teams can stand to lose a few cochones, non?" Josee asked, grinning with evil glee.
"I certainly do! Why not vote off MacArthur, or Dawn?"
"Or best of all, their ringleaders?"
Needless to say, neither of them liked Noah or Emma.
Also needless to say, karma kicked them right back to the start as soon as they'd said so.
MacArthur tripped them moments before they could enter the gym and snatched the chest. "Booyah! Geeze Dawn, how'd you know they'd be over here?"
"A lucky guess. I simply figured that some of them might've played into their own hubris," Dawn replied gently.
"And it worked like a charm," Emma finished. "Good job, girls. Let's get this back where it belongs: with us."
As MacArthur and Dawn left, Emma turned back to face down her downed enemies and had only this to say:
"I warned you about messing with my friends."
Team Amazon
"Shoot, we gotta move!" MacArthur gulped. Alejandro and Sam were closing in on her and the other two girls, trying to get the chest back.
Over at the front door of the mess hall, Courtney and Gwen stood. "You thinking what I'm thinking?" Gwen asked.
"We gotta get the chest back fast, and there's only one way to do it," Courtney replied. "And it's up to my freaky, disproportionate CIT strength to get it done."
Gwen grinned. "Do it."
Courtney did, picking up Gwen with one arm and throwing her like a human javelin. The Snarky Goth opened her arms and legs. "Now, MacArthur!"
"Oh! New plan, guys!" MacArthur hefted the chest into the air. Gwen caught it, and was caught herself by Sky.
"You're stronger than you look," Gwen noted as she was set down.
"Why thank you," Sky bowed.
"And time!" Chris' voice came over the loudspeakers. "Team Amazon kept the chest in the end, so they win! Let's meet back up and open that sucker!"
"Wait, aren't we missing a few people?" Emma asked.
"HELP!" Zoey wailed.
"Oh, hey guys," Eva said as she approached the tree. She punched it and caught the net when it fell off the branch. "We won, by the way."
"Goody! Now I get to sleep in the extra-long beds again!" Sierra sighed.
Confessional – Sierra.
"I'm not the tallest contestant here, but I'm 6'1" so I need a little more wiggle room than most of the others, and the only extra-long beds are in the good cabin," Sierra explained. "I used to really idolize Chris, but now that I've actually gotten to know him for the last few months I can't help but notice he's a lot less...nice than I thought he'd be. Also shorter."
"Ella, would you do your team the honor of opening the Chest of Untold Secrets?" Chris asked.
"I certainly would." Ella took the key from Gwen and opened the chest.
Inside of it was...
...
...
...
...
...a bunch of air.
"WHAT?!" Duncan shrieked. "There's NOTHING in there!"
"Exactly!" Chris smirked. "The untold secret is that I'm way too lazy to actually come up with something good."
Everyone stared at him. "What?"
"Chris, that's...not exactly a secret," Bridgette explained.
"Is it now? Hm. Well, at any rate, Team Amazon wins today and gets to sit out from the final part of today's challenge! The rest of you, meet me behind the good cabin. Chef's gonna bring the shovels."
Team Amazon
"So, are you and Heather friends? I'm just wondering," Gwen said. She and Courtney were in the good cabin, waiting for their coffee to finish.
"Not really. Heather wanted me with her because she needed someone to keep tabs on everyone else. I'm the eyes and ears of Heather's Devils."
"And I suppose Heather's the mouth." They laughed.
"I didn't approve of what Scott did, by the way," Courtney added. "He went too far. What did Dawn ever do to deserve his anger?"
"From what I gather, Scott thinks Dawn's claiming to be magical when she isn't. Honestly, why hasn't anyone suggested telling him that 'aura reading' is just Dawn's shorthand for her synesthesia?"
"I dunno."
Silence.
"Gwen?"
"Yeah?"
"I like you."
"Oh. Me too, Courtney. Me too."
Confessional – Katie.
"Remember that time Courtney denied liking girls back in the disaster challenge?" Katie asked the viewer. The camera nodded. "I didn't buy it for a second. As a bisexual girl, I can kinda tell who's straight and who isn't. And seeing that her relationship with Duncan's probably not gonna last much longer, I think Courtney should go for Gwen ASAP!"
Team CIRRRRH, Victory
"Okay maggots, here's what we're doin'!" Chef announced. He threw a large number of shovels at them; not all of them got caught. "For the final part of this challenge, you have five minutes to dig a trench. Whichever one gets the closest OR past this mark," he showed them an eight-foot-tall wooden board with a black stripe of paint at Jasmine's height, "wins. Whoever doesn't has to vote someone out. This will provide the added benefit of digging up most of the lustblossoms so they aren't around to screw us up come spring." He pulled out a stopwatch. "Begin!"
"Hey Mike, wouldn't Manitoba be pretty good for this challenge?" Tyler asked.
"He would! Jen, Tom, fedora me!"
"Right behind you, friend!" Tom agreed, throwing him a fedora. Mike put it on and summoned the archaeologist.
"Cor, mates!" Manitoba said brightly. "Don't worry, we'll have this trench dug in a jiff!" He immediately began digging.
"Why there?" Devin asked.
"Because that's where the dirt is weakest," Alejandro murmured in amazement. "Well, let us not just stand there. Let's dig!"
Confessional – Noah.
"I am SO gonna be happy when that smug sack of crap is voted out."
Eventually, the clock ticked down. "Time's up! Now let's see which hole's deeper." He prodded the stick into Team CIRRRRH's hole, half of it disappearing. "Not bad, halfway down. Team Overconfident, your turn now." He poked it down but only a fifth of the stick made it down; the spot they'd been digging through was frozen more thoroughly that Team CIRRRRH's was. "Well, you lose."
"Ah, nuts," Harold said, pretending he wasn't upset that he now had a chance to weaken Alejandro's, and by extension his sworn enemy Duncan's, power.
"Well, looks like Team Me is safe!" Chris announced. "Team Victory, you've already lost a lot of people, and it's time to lose some more. Meet me at the campfire at eight, Team Victory, time to give someone the twenty-one gun salute!"
So everyone set off to prepare their votes.
Surfer Dudes United
"Brady?" Geoff asked, a bit surprised.
"Remember when Beth got eliminated?"
"Yeah?"
"Who do you think's responsible?"
Geoff's eyes narrowed. "Alright, Bridge. I'm gonna do it. Al disrespected a code of a different sort: never harm anyone's significant other if they didn't do anything bad to you."
Prescott Twins
"Samey, I think we should both vote for that dorkwad Harold," Amy griped. "Seriously, who wears a hamburger on their shirt?"
"He does," Sammy replied.
Amy cocked an eyebrow, a bit surprised at actually getting a response. "...What?"
"Amy, you can vote for whomever you want. But don't make me vote with you. I am sick of having to deal with your BS. Me, I'm voting for Jacques because I'm pretty sure he masterminded the assault on Team CIRRRRH that led to both Noah and B getting hurt. You're welcome to change your vote if you like." She left.
Amy's jaw dropped, but she quickly regained her composure. "Well, fine! But don't come crying to me if you get yourself voted off!"
Confessional – Harold.
"Statistically, we're likely to get about eight votes for Brady," Harold explained. "Given who else is on my team, that should be enough." He wrote BRADY on a piece of paper.
Confessional – Scarlett.
"Jacques' plan to acquire the chest and key was unnecessarily violent and ultimately unsuccessful," Scarlett said. "And I feel it's high time one of those pretentious, stuck-up bullies got what they deserve." She wrote JACQUES on a piece of paper.
Confessional – Lorenzo.
"Amy's got a lot of issues that I think she needs to work out at home," Lorenzo said as he wrote AMY on a piece of paper. "Plus we gotta keep this gag going."
Confessional – Lightning.
"If I can get one of those sha-stupid pain attractors out, then I can certainly do it for the other," Lightning said as he wrote JAY on a piece of paper.
"Here's how we do eliminations," Chris said. "We use the marshmallow system here. When I call your name, come get one." Eighteen marshmallows stood on the plate, an even third of them colored. "The marshmallows are color-coded to show how many votes you got in the war of drama. White means no votes against you, and the recipients are Leshawna, Bridgette, Lindsay, Sammy, Lorenzo, Scarlett, Geoff, Lightning, Shawn, Taylor, Josee, and Sam."
"Uh-oh, I think I know what this means," DJ gulped.
Chris pointed to the two blue marshmallows. "Blue means you received only one vote against you. So Harold and Jay, come on up." The two boys, a junior and a sophomore, did so.
Chris pointed to the two green marshmallows. "Green means you got more than one vote, but are still safe. DJ has two votes, his first ever, and Amy also has two, not her first ever."
"DON'T remind me," Amy sulked.
Two colored marshmallows were left. "Orange means you're on the chopping block, but are safe. Red means you're done. Brady. Jacques."
Brady looked confused.
"Brady, you're loyal to a fault. And some people think that that's a fault. Jacques, your temper and scheming haven't earned you the best rep. With three votes for him...
...
...
...
...
"Jacques is safe!"
"...Wait, why me? What did I ever do to anyone?" Brady asked.
"You'll see, brah," Geoff apologized. "Sorry, but it's like, the only way we can get you to see some important stuff."
"Now I'm just curious. I'll take you up on that offer, dude," Brady said.
Confessional – Lindsay.
"Yay! I did it! Admiral Lindsay Her Hotness has scored a victory! Whoop WHOOP!"
Confessional – Alejandro.
"QUE?" Alejandro screamed. "My alliance, down by a fifth!" He groaned. "Brady was my most loyal follower. And with him gone...I've got less protection. I. HATE. THE. MISFITS."
"He's not the only one," Chris said. He stood outside the paint splatters. "Twenty-three down. Sixty-one remain. Who'll win the battle and who'll be taken as a prisoner of loserdom? Find out on
"Total.
"Drama!"
Then he noticed a paintball on Team CIRRRRH's art that hadn't broken yet. He picked it up...and then it broke, covering his hand in blue. Chris grimaced at the camera.
Votes:
Harold – Brady
Leshawna – Brady
DJ – Didn't vote
Bridgette – Brady
Lindsay – Brady
Sammy – Jacques
Amy – Harold
Lorenzo – Amy
Scarlett – Jacques
Geoff – Brady
Brady – Jacques
Lightning – Jay
Shawn – Brady
Taylor – Amy
Jacques – DJ
Josee – DJ
Sam – Brady
Jay – Brady
Results: 8-3-2-2-1-1 Brady-Jacques-Amy-DJ-Harold-Jay
Eliminated: Staci, Leonard, Tammy, Leshaniqua, Spud, Chet, Dakota (ii), Phil (r), Ellody, Rock, Rodney (t), Anne Maria, Mickey, Jazz (r), Max, Mary, Junior, Zeke (t), Beth, Brody, Scott, Lauren, Brady
Known active immunity idols: Josee (Crimson), Owen, Carrie, Tyler, Sammy (Noah), Geoff (Geoff), Justin (Ella), Duncan (Alejandro)
Bonus clip:
Noah looked at Lindsay, then stuck out his hand. "You've done it. Welcome to the Misfit Mega-Alliance." Lindsay smiled, shook his hand, and then hugged him. Right between her mega-breasts of death. "Gack! Lindsay, please!"
"Oops. Sorry Noah," Lindsay said sheepishly, releasing him. Noah coughed as he recovered.
"Besides, he and you both have your own significant others," Emma said, helping her boyfriend up.
"Oh yeah, that reminds me! Emma, I heard about what happened at your old school..." And then she hugged Emma. "You need one of these, too." She let go and happily skipped off.
"Are you crying?" Noah asked, seeing the Uptight New Kid's touched expression.
"No! I'm just sweating with my eyes!"
"That's biologically impossible, and you know it. Don't worry Em, we'll get through this together."
Emma dried her eyes and punched his shoulder playfully. "Dork."
"Takes one to know one."