Review time!
Knight: That's six of them identified correctly!
AngelMaster16: Thanks a bunch! I deliberately made Chris steadily more insane for the purpose of driving this plot forwards; his wife will follow that trend herself.
Lara2244: Yep! Because Topher, like Garfield, is of a pretty gray morality.
Gucci Mane LaFlare: Thanks! I spent a ton of time on research.
Doctor Brain: Thanks!
Joel Connell: Thanks! Prescott violent tendencies are partially genetic, partially environmental. Blaineley's gonna drag the eliminated back to school for Christmas because of course she would. I emailed him, but haven't had any reply yet.
Full list: Owen (Wordgirl, The Butcher), Noah (Megamind), Emma (original design), Sam (Grossology, generic grossologist), Lindsay (Steven Universe, OC from another of my fanfics), Devin (Avatar, an airbending avatar), Mal (Penguins of Madagascar, mashup of all four main characters), Harold (Ben 10), Cameron (My Life as a Teenage Robot, Silver Shell), Zoey (Homestuck, generic burgundyblood troll), DJ (Team Fortress 2, Spy), Carrie (Bendy and the Ink Machine, Boris), Leshawna (Thomas and Friends, Sir Topham Hatt), Shawn (Scatman John), Jasmine (Chowder, Schnitzel), Cody (Animaniacs, Warner species), Sammy (Godzilla), Tyler (The Tick), Sadie (Bob the Builder, Muck), Brick (The Binding of Isaac, Blue Baby), Jen (How to Train your Dragon, Deadly Nadder), Ella (Don't Hug Me I'm Scared, Sketchbook), Justin (Futurama, Bender), Geoff (Hollow Knight, Ghost), Bridgette (The Little Mermaid, a mermaid), Taylor (The Annoying Orange), Scarlett (Phineas and Ferb, Doctor Doofenshmirtz's original name), Sierra (Yandere Simulator, Ayano Aishi), Amy (My Hero Academia, Katsuki Bakugo), Duncan (Kubo and the Two Strings, The Moon King), Heather (Overwatch, Widowmaker), Alejandro (Gravity Falls, Bill Cipher), Jacques (Backyardigans, Tyrone), Josee (Adventure Time, rainicorn), Jo (The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron, yolka-dolkian), Ennui (Danny Phantom, Dark Danny), Eva (The Amazing World of Gumball, Rob), Topher (Garfield), MacArthur (Spongebob Squarepants, Squidward's hero persona), Beardo (King Kong), Laurie (Sesame Street, Grover), Sky (Kim Possible, Shego), Miles (Miraculous Ladybug, Horrificator (Mylene's akumatized form)), B (SCP Foundation, SCP-261), Crimson (Alien, xenomorph), Stephanie (Carmen Sandiego), Ryan (Monsters vs. Aliens, Gallaxhar), Sanders (Teletubbies, original blue design), Sugar (Slime Rancher, pink slime), and Lightning (Captain America).
Sunday, December 24, 2017
"Last time on Total Drama – crime, for once, paid! [Alejandro summoning the enormous pile of yen] Two teams, one of good and one of evil, duked it out in a big city! [Sammy killing Beardo] After quickly getting the hang of their unusual forms [Topher falling asleep], the Heroic Hamsters [Devin being upset about having to speak Chinese] and the Villainous Vultures [their meeting] had an epic battle! [Owen turning the wasperflies into Skittles] Because Lightning held a grudge [Lightning fighting Cameron], the Hamsters were able to stop Scarlett before she built a raygun that would facilitate their victory. [Justin getting B to drop a grenade] And because of that, Lightning got the boot. [Lightning's elimination]
"It's Christmas Eve but we don't take breaks here at Total Drama!" Chris said, lounging in his private quarters while wearing a Santa hat. "Forty-nine contestants remain. Who'll get the gift of eternal fame and who'll be lumped in with the coal? Find out here on
"Total.
"Drama!"
Theme song
*Instrumental*
A camera appeared from between the branches of a fir, scaring off a house wren. Another came from behind a rock, startling a white-footed mouse. The third broke through the ice, causing a grizzly bear to fall into the frozen lake.
Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine
You guys are on my mind
Jasmine and Shawn were decorating a balsam fir for a Christmas tree. It looked spectacular.
You asked me what I wanted to be
And now I think it's plain to see
Shawn reached into the ornament box and pulled out a zombie figurine. He shrieked and ran away. Jasmine glared at Sugar, who was laughing her head off.
I wanna be famous
Heather, Josee, and Taylor battled it out underneath a white pine. Their fighting disturbed the snow off the branches and onto their heads.
*Instrumental*
Owen licked a red-and-white-striped candy cane, but the cold air froze his tongue to it. He shrugged it off and pulled it back into his mouth, leaving only a little bit of the candy sticking out of his lips.
I want to live close to the sun
Well, pack your bags cause I've already won.
Ryan and Stephanie had a snowball fight against Carrie and Devin.
Everything to prove nothing in my way
I'll get there one day
Chef shoved a large branch into a wood-fired furnace. An image of Mal's face appeared in the flames, causing Chef to raise an eyebrow.
'Cuz I wanna be famous
Bridgette and Zoey built an igloo together. Geoff crashed through it as he ran away from Duncan, who was chasing him with an icicle a foot long. The girls sighed, annoyed, and began to rebuild.
Na na nana na na nana nana na na na na na naaaaah
Noah and Emma headdesked to get the crappy carols playing over the loudspeakers out of their heads in time with the theme song.
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous
Chris made the interns haul his sleigh. They didn't like it that much.
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous.
Suddenly, Chris was knocked off the sleigh by one of Jo's snowballs, allowing the interns to escape.
*Whistling*
At the campfire, Cody lowered a piece of mistletoe on a stick in front of Tyler and Lindsay, who kissed...and promptly fell down. Cody shrugged at the camera.
Villainous Vultures
"It stinks that we didn't get a break from Chef's cooking when we lost," Stephanie groaned in their cabin.
"I believe that's because we only had two teams that time and the special dinner is the consolation for people who don't lose or win," Scarlett replied.
"Ah. Gotcha." A pause. "Scarl, do you think Alejandro's...up to something?"
"Perhaps. Why do you ask?"
"Because I don't want Ryan to be suckered. Cody told me that when Emma made Al spill the beans, he admitted to making a deal with Jacques and Josee to go to the final ten with them!"
"Yes, Brick told me the same."
"Think about it. Alejandro has been plotting and scheming this entire time right under our noses! If we don't stop him now, we'll never be able to stop him!"
"CAMPERS! Please report to the Drama Gym for today's challenge!" Chris' voice came from over the loudspeakers.
"I admit, your hypothesis is compelling, but I suggest acquiring more data before we make our conclusion." She got up and began walking out.
"I wanted a holiday, not more of this show," Stephanie grumbled as she left as well.
"Oh, you'll get a holiday all right," Alejandro said to himself as he followed them from his hiding place. "Permanente."
Confessional – Alejandro.
"I cannot have Stephanie around for much longer. She will plant a seed of doubt in Ryan's mind and therefore jeopardize my alliance."
Confessional – Carrie.
"Little does Mr. Snake know that I've already planted it," she smirked, twirling one of her bangs in her fingers.
Some time later
"Okay everyone! How well do you know the Bible?" Chris asked.
"People did creepy things with baby boys'–" Amy began.
"NO! Not what I meant by that at all! Get your mind out of the gutter!" He facepalmed. "Look, it says that if you want to go to Heaven and party with Yahweh for the rest of eternity, you have to be good. Which means not sinning. Especially not committing one of the Seven Deadly Sins."
"Chris, those were never in the Bible," Cameron interjected. "The Catholics came up with those centuries later."
"Oh. Huh. Well, anyway, I have broken you into seven teams of seven each, corresponding to a particular character flaw I think you have. You will be denoted by color-coded mittens I have on this table. Sammy, Brick, Carrie, Harold, Tyler, Scarlett, and Sierra, you are the Envious Eels! Your color is slimy green.
"Owen, Sugar, Geoff, Taylor, Jen, Lindsay, and Sam, you are the Gluttonous Geckos! Your color is grape purple."
"I thought you were gonna put me on it to make a crack 'bout my weight," Leshawna remarked.
"These are PERSONALITY traits, these sins."
"Right, right."
"Anyway, Heather, Jacques, Mike, Amy, Beardo, Sadie, and B, you are the Greedy Goats! Your color is straw yellow.
"Cody, Bridgette, Sky, Stephanie, Duncan, Ella, and Laurie, you are the Lustful Ladybugs! Your color is passion red.
"Alejandro, Miles, MacArthur, Jo, Topher, Justin, and Leshawna, you are the Prideful Pelicans! Your color is elegant chrome.
"Noah, Devin, Cameron, DJ, Sanders, Ennui, and Crimson, you are the Slothful Salamanders! Your color is sleepy blue. And to everyone else, you're the Wrathful Woodpeckers! Your color is fiery orange. Split into your teams, grab your new mittens, and follow me to the campfire!"
Confessional – Noah and Emma.
"I get why you're Sloth and I'm Wrath," Emma said, "but some of these assignments don't make sense."
"The Pelicans would be too big if it were accurate."
"Oh! Well that explains everything."
Envious Eels: Sammy, Brick, Carrie, Harold, Tyler, Scarlett, and Sierra.
Gluttonous Geckos: Owen, Sugar, Geoff, Taylor, Jen, Lindsay, and Sam.
Greedy Goats: Heather, Jacques, Mike, Amy, Beardo, Sadie, and B.
Lustful Ladybugs: Cody, Bridgette, Sky, Stephanie, Duncan, Ella, and Laurie.
Prideful Pelicans: Alejandro, Miles, MacArthur, Jo, Topher, Justin, and Leshawna.
Slothful Salamanders: Noah, Devin, Cameron, DJ, Sanders, Ennui, and Crimson.
Wrathful Woodpeckers: Emma, Zoey, Shawn, Jasmine, Josee, Eva, and Ryan.
More time later
"See these?" Chris asked, pointing to one of the stumps. On it were twelve white plastic figurines, each a different shape. "These are the Twelve Days of Christmas, which today, being Christmas Eve, is the prelude to. Each figurine is shaped like something your true love would give you on that particular day." Closer inspection revealed their shapes: a pear, a dove, a chicken, a speech bubble, a ring, an egg, a swan, a milk carton, a pair of tap shoes, a guy jumping, a flute, and a drum.
"So we have to find the ones in our team's colors?" Geoff asked.
"Exactly! Each team has a set of these, but as Geoff ascertained, in your respective colors. The figurines were hidden in the various buildings on this island last night excluding the Mess Hall and the three cabins you were sleeping in. Your team must find all of these before you begin part two. Whoever manages to complete the set first will be given an advantage! Whoever finds them last, though, will be disadvantaged! Good luck!"
Envious Eels
"Yet another MacGuffin challenge," Sierra sighed. "On the plus side, spotting something green at this time of year should be easy."
"Provided he didn't hide it in a conifer," Harold remarked.
"Oh, yeah."
They spotted a green milk carton on top of a rock next to the pier. "Well, that's one down," Tyler said. He bent over to pick it up. When he stood up again, he saw something hanging to a pole above them: a scraggly lump of brown. "Is that what I think it is?"
"Yes indeed, that is Arceuthobium pusillum, the eastern dwarf mistletoe," Scarlett confirmed. "There is a description underneath it; perhaps it is relevant to the challenge."
Sammy read off the blue card stapled to the pole. "'Found this and many more like it killing the spruce grove, but I didn't want to throw them out just yet. For each kiss on the mouth two of you maggots have, your team(s) will receive one bonus point, each successive new combination of couples adding another point. If you have a significant other already, or aren't willing to explore your sexuality just yet, just hug them. Or punch them in the shoulder, whichever one works for you. – Chef.'"
Silence.
"Well, this just got awkward," Carrie said. "We're all straight and five of us have people we're interested in." She deliberately left out who, but by now almost everyone knew she liked Devin and nodded thoughtfully.
"Five!" Brick exclaimed suddenly. "We can all high-five! That'll count for our score!"
"Chef doesn't seem to care about how we do it, so that could work!' Harold exclaimed. "Okay, there are seven of us. That means the number of new combinations is the triangular number of us minus one."
"Which gives us twenty-one bonus points!" Sierra grinned. "We should do this fast. So everyone line up in alphabetical order, then the person last in line will go down slapping everyone's hand until no one's left."
And that's exactly what they did.
Confessional – Chef.
"Sierra's a pretty bright girl. When she's not obsessin' over boys, that is."
Prideful Pelicans
"Found one!" Justin exclaimed in the VR room, removing a helmet from a pear.
"And there's another one behind the screen!" Topher added, coming out covered in dust and holding a flute.
"And...is that mistletoe hanging in the rafters?" Jo asked. "Because if so I am NOT kissing anyone in this room."
"I do not believe we have to," Alejandro said, having found the descriptor card. "Look at this."
After they all read it, MacArthur grinned deviously. "Alejandro? Be glad my arms don't require my glutes." She cracked her knuckles in anticipation.
Slothful Salamanders
"Who should we vote for if we lose?" Sanders asked Noah as they rummaged through the seats in the theater.
"I don't know. I kinda like everyone on my team for once. Devin most likely to weaken the Guy's Alliance. Ennui and Crimson after that." He spied a clump of mistletoe hanging from the spotlight, and the card on a nearby seat. Putting two and two together, he said, "Speaking of. Hey, philosophers stony-faced!"
"Are you requesting us?" Ennui and Crimson said as they approached.
"Yeah. You guys are the only actual couple on our team and we might need some bonus points to stay alive." He handed them the card, then held out his fist for them to bump. "These count too."
Reading it, they nodded. They quickly returned his gesture and then held each other close, kissing lightly and softly.
"Awwww!" DJ sighed.
"It is very cute," Cameron admitted. "I like it."
Gluttonous Geckos, Lustful Ladybugs
"I cannot BELIEVE that we're both here," Taylor griped as both teams opened and closed cabinets in the communal washroom.
"Hey, random chance dictates that it had to have happened eventually," Cody shrugged. "Let's just agree to only take our own stuff." He picked up a red dove, leaving the purple one behind. "See?"
"The shower's alive!" Sugar shrieked. A clump of mistletoe hung from it.
"No, you doof, Chef's trying to mess with our heads!" Duncan snatched the card from one of the toilets and showed it to them.
"I am NOT kissing you," Bridgette grumbled.
"I shall, but on the cheek, since Sir Hatchet believes that all forms of love are equally worthy." Ella proceeded to kiss each of her teammates on the cheek. Noticeably, she wiped her mouth off after kissing Duncan's. Having found all the red figurines that they could find there, they left.
"That's six for them," Jen said, making a plan. "We need some of our own too. Owen, don't you and Izzy have an open relationship?"
"Yeah?"
"And don't you swing both ways?"
"That's more of a...recent development," he said sheepishly. "Izzy encourages free love, but...I'm still a little nervous about myself."
"Fair, fair. But that means she wouldn't mind seeing me kiss you, right?"
"I guess so. Are you single, though?"
"Yeah, I'm not really looking for anyone right now." They got close and quickly kissed, ending it as soon as they'd begun it. "See? That wasn't so bad, was it?"
"It was totes adorbs!" Lindsay exclaimed. "I'm gonna save mine for Tyson, er, Tyler, but I'm gonna give Owen a big ol' hug!" She glomped him.
"Me too, dudette!" Geoff agreed, doing the same.
"All aboard the Owen love train," Sam chuckled before joining them.
Taylor and Sugar gagged at the sight, while Jen just shook her head, smiling.
Confessional – Owen.
"Wow, I...I've never felt this warm and tingly inside. It's further up than gas, so...wow, so many people I don't normally hang out with at school really like me." He smiled proudly. "And we got four bonus points out of it, too!"
Wrathful Woodpeckers
"That doesn't seem safe," Ryan remarked as he removed a jumping guy from inside a dryer in the laundry room.
"No it doesn't," Emma agreed. Then she spotted a clump of mistletoe on one of the air ducts and groaned. "Annnnd Chris is being a creep again."
"Actually it appears Chef's tryin' to give us a leg up, mate," Jasmine corrected, reading the card taped to it. "But I don't think any of us can lip kiss on account of...prior engagements, pun not intended. I mean, we can all show affection somehow, but kissing might give us...more points?"
"Shawn, you kiss Jasmine," Eva said suddenly, picking him up by his coat.
"Wha– HEY!" Shawn protested. "Me and Jasmine? Why me?!"
"Because you were on the same team on the wedding challenge and share more in common with each other than with anyone else."
"Oh. Right." He chuckled nervously. Eva set him down in Jasmine's arms and they kissed.
"Wow, crikey, you're good for a first-timer," Jasmine said, blushing a darker shade of brown.
"Y-you too."
Greedy Goats
"Uh...high-fives, anyone?" Sadie asked nervously on seeing a mistletoe clump.
"Not in your wildest dreams," Heather scoffed. Amy and Jacques nodded in assent.
"Oh go grow a pair!" "Mike" said, high-fiving B. "We need those extra points!" B noticed "Mike"'s agression and frowned.
Mike's Mind
"Ayo!" Vito groaned from the top of a towering pedestal. "I'm better at walkin' up than I am walkin' down!"
"Then we need to act fast before Mal notices!" Mike exclaimed.
"How tall can you make clones?" Svetlana asked.
"Only about half that height, and not for very long," Mike replied. "Trust me, I tested my limits not long after I freed you."
"In that case, get someone who can go up that without falling off it!" Chester snapped.
"I don't have someone. I have sometwo!" Mike summoned a clone of Sky and another of Izzy. "Okay ladies, Operation Snatch the Bruiser is a go!" The clones nodded and scrambled up the pedestal.
"Don't worry, big guy," Mike called up to Vito. "Four more puzzles and we're taking back our mind!"
"I hope yer right," Vito grumbled.
Some time later
"About time you showed up," Chris remarked as the Prideful Pelicans finally showed up.
"In our defense too many things on this island are gray," Jo retorted.
"Well, anyway, it's time to tally up your totals. Chef?"
Chef cleared his throat. "Gluttonous Geckos. You completed your collection first. That gives you fourteen points. In addition, you had four unique pairings of affection. Your final score for this part of the challenge is eighteen.
"Slothful Salamanders. You completed your collection second. That gives you twelve points. In addition, you had three unique pairings of affection. Your final score for this part of the challenge is fifteen.
"Wrathful Woodpeckers. You completed your collection third. That gives you ten points. In addition, you had one unique pairing of affection. Your final score for this part of the challenge is eleven.
"Lustful Ladybugs. You completed your collection midway down the line. That gives you eight points. In addition, you had six unique pairings of affection. Your final score for this part of the challenge is fourteen.
"Greedy Goats. You completed your collection fifth. That gives you six points. In addition, you had three unique pairings of affection. Your final score for this part of the challenge is nine.
"Envious Eels. You completed your collection sixth. That gives you four points. In addition, you had twenty-one unique pairings of affection, the highest number of bonus points possible. Your final score for this part of the challenge is twenty-five.
"Finally, there are the Prideful Pelicans. You completed your collection last. That gives you two points. In addition, you had eight unique pairings of affection. Your final score for this part of the challenge is ten."
"Therefore, the Envious Eels win the advantage and the Greedy Goats get the disadvantage!" Chris announced. The Eels cheered while the Goats groaned. "But what will they be? Find out after these messages."
Do da do da doo. Commercial break!
"And we're back!" Chris said to the audience. "Now it's time to reveal the second part of today's challenge!
"Christmas began as numerous pagan holidays that medieval Christians stole and stitched together into one being a la Frankenstein. One of these pagan holidays was a Germanic number called Yule, and it involved putting gifts underneath a decorated tree, which has since become the most famous part of Christmas.
"That part is what we'll be doing! One randomly-assigned person on your team will put a figurine in a box, wrap it up, and repeat until all twelve are in their own boxes." He showed them a small box covered in white wrapping paper with glittery silver snowflakes printed on it, tied up with a black ribbon. "The remaining six will take the wrapped-up gifts, two per person, to their designated trees, which will be denoted with a color-coded star on its crown.
"The advantages and disadvantages will be twofold! Since the Envious Eels won, their wrapping paper will be pre-cut, and their trees will be the easiest to find: Canada yew! Since they're the shortest shrubs on the list, you'll find their stars at eye level!
"Greedy Goats, since you lost part one, you will not be allowed to use tape to hold your wrapping paper together. In addition, your trees will be American larches, which are unique among conifers because they shed their needles in the fall. Good luck distinguishing them from the other leafless trees on the island.
"Everyone else can use tape but doesn't get pre-cut nets. Plus, their tree fare will be hard to find, but not too hard. Gluttonous Geckos, balsam fir. Slothful Salamanders, black spruce. Lustful Ladybugs, red pine. Wrathful Woodpeckers, eastern hemlock. And lastly, Prideful Pelicans, Virginian juniper. Good luck!"
The people wrapping the boxes were chosen by Eeny-Meeny-Miny-Mo: Harold, Sam, Amy, Stephanie, Justin, Crimson, and Josee.
The wrapping paper was also coded for each team. The Eels' was pine green with lighter green Christmas trees printed on it. The Geckos' was purple and covered in white polka-dots. The Goats' was golden with light yellow stripes. The Ladybugs' was a soft, calming red covered in silver speckles. The Pelicans' was gray with intricate silver swirls. The Salamanders' was cornflower blue with golden full moons printed on it. And lastly, the Woodpeckers' was orange with bronze stars printed on it. The ribbons for all teams were a uniform black.
Harold and Sam were doing quite well at this. "I guess playing all those videogames paid off!" Sam grinned. "My dexterity is amazing! I'll have all twelve of our boxes done in no time!"
"Ah, but I have the pre-cut paper," Harold reminded him. "Whichever one of us wins will be determined by how fast our friends can find our trees."
"Right, of course. Well, good luck to you then!"
"You too!"
"Are you SERIOUSLY encouraging your own competition?" Josee asked crankily.
"Hey, Christmas is the season of good will towards everyone," Justin reminded her. "It wouldn't hurt to be nicer to us for once."
"Well, as you Ontarians say, bah humbug!"
"But I'm American..."
"Brick, I've got our first two done!" Harold exclaimed, handing them over to the Cadet.
"Thanks, friend! And I think I know what a yew looks like, so I'll find our trees lickety-split!"
Confessional – Heather.
Heather burst out laughing. "'Lickety-split'?! Who even says that anymore?!"
Stephanie groaned. "Come on, you stupid paper!" Her wrapping paper was not cooperating and refused to fold flat. As a result, it was constantly popping up.
"Looks like you could use a hand," Cody said. "Can I help you?"
"Nope!" Chris grinned. "Only the designated wrapper can touch the unfinished boxes."
"Worth a shot," Cody shrugged.
"At least you actually got tape," Amy grumbled, haphazardly tying paper to one of her boxes using a ribbon. "Okay, I got two, now someone take these away from me before they fall apart."
"If I may," "Mike" offered. Amy handed him the boxes and he left.
"I don't remember Mike being so formal," Owen remarked.
"That's because he's not," Noah said gravely.
"What do you mean by that?" The smaller of the two gave the larger a silent, knowing look. "...Oh. ...Poop."
Mal secretly tailed Brick to a patch where three yew bushes stood, a green star on top of each. Brick put his boxes under one of them. "Oh boy, three in one place!" he said excitedly. "This'll make things much easier!"
"Or will it?" Mal chuckled to himself after Brick departed. He snatched the star off of one and absconded with it to a bush much further away. He then noticed that he'd ended up right next to a barren tree with a yellow star on its crown. "One down, five to go."
Wrathful Woodpeckers
"Let's see here," Jasmine said, inspecting the trees around her. "Tsuga canadensis grow best in the shade, grow to about thirty meters tall, have brown bark with deep fissures, hardly ever fork, have yellow-green needles about two centimeters long..." She stopped and smiled. "And have a big blinkin' star right at the tippy-top." The tree in front of her had an orange star on its crown. She deposited her boxes. "Absolutely brilliant."
Envious Eels
"Brick? I thought you said there were three yew bushes with stars," Carrie said as she came back, confused.
"That's because there are!"
"But I only saw two..."
Scarlett thought. "Did any of them have bunched-up leaves?"
"Actually, yeah, one of them–" She froze. "Did we get sabotaged?"
"I guess so," Harold grimaced. "Someone must've taken a star off one and put it somewhere else. Could we like, penalize whoever did it if we figured out who?"
"Nope!" Chris replied, appearing behind him. Harold startled and ran, not paying attention to where he was going, headfirst into Leshawna's chest, causing her to blush awkwardly. "I never said you couldn't relocate another team's toppers! Although given how big most of your trees get, it'd only be realistic for setting the Eels back. Sorry!"
"He's right," Sierra murmured, "but I don't like it."
Gluttonous Geckos
"Sam? Is there an easy way we can find our trees?" Taylor asked. "Because I am NOT going in there blind."
"We have balsam fir, right? They have a very distinct smell. If we find a tree that smells balsam-y, then we've got a better chance of finding one of ours."
"So what you're saying is that we have to sniff the trees," she deadpanned.
"Hey, Chris seems to put them close together, and an entire grove should smell pretty darn strong."
"The things I do for this show."
Slothful Salamanders
"Black spruce...Chef mentioned that the mistletoe came off of spruce..." Devin spotted a conifer with big holes missing from it, a blue star on its crown. "Huh. I was right about that."
Greedy Goats
"I can't find a larch ANYWHERE!" Sadie exclaimed. "Are we gonna lose?!"
"No we are not!" Alejandro realized. "Five-Larch Point! I just remembered it existed! Come on, my friends, let's win this!"
Exactly as Alejandro predicted, the five naked trees on that hill all had stars. "And that's how we win," he smirked.
Confessional – Eva.
"Oh, come ON! This freaking sucks!" she growled. "Chris practically gave them the win! And people wonder why the Grinch hated this stupid holiday..."
Cue montage.
Indeed, as the various other teams scoured the island for their respective plants, they unfortunately couldn't catch up to the Greedy Goats in time.
End montage.
"And that's the end of THAT!" Chris announced. "All eighty-four gifts have been given, so let's see who placed where!"
"Is that really necessary? We all know who won," MacArthur said, frowning at the Greedy Goats.
"Yeah, seriously man, what the heck?" Topher added.
"The larch population of this island isn't very high," Chris replied. "I had trouble finding one that wasn't on Five-Larch Point! But yes, since they put down all of their presents first, the Greedy Goats win!
"On the flipside, though, the Lustful Ladybugs took the longest time to complete their task. Meet me at the campfire at eight, Lustful Ladybugs, someone's going home!
"The rest of you get a consolation prize – the chance for one person on your team to call someone at home! Choose them the same way you chose your wrappers and I'll get you guys some phones!"
Confessional – Jo.
"I'm glad we didn't lose. But Eeny-Meeny-Miny-Mo is officially a terrible way to decide things."
Envious Eels
"Hey Mom! Hey Dad!" Sammy said into the blocky, old-model cell phone. "Yeah, I know! I wasn't expecting to get this far either! You aren't mad that I have a boyfriend now, are you?" Beat. "Oh, thank goodness. Well, as soon as we're both home I'll introduce him to you. Oh, and if it's not too much trouble, could you send our hiking boots over? I mean, Amy's still in denial, but...I think we might be able to get through to her yet." Beat. "Bye!"
Gluttonous Geckos
"Uh...hi, Izzy!" Owen said. "I miss you a lot!" Beat. "Oh, thanks! Um...before today's episode comes out, uh...I kinda kissed Jen...it was for part of the challenge and..." Some excited babbling on the other end made Owen flush. "That's uh, good to hear, I think? Listen, we're gonna try our best to last past the halfway mark, but it's not looking too good." He smiled. "Thanks! Love you too!" He hung up.
"So how'd it go with the wife?" Geoff teased.
"Great! Though I need to tell Jen something secret."
"Sure. What up?"
"Izzy..." And then he whispered something into her ear. Her pupils shrank and her cheeks went as red as her sweater.
"Um...I'll think about it," she said, shocked.
"Three guesses as to what exactly it was that Izzy requested, first two don't count," Noah snarked to Tyler.
Tyler nodded knowingly. "Wait...what did she request exactly?" Noah sighed and facepalmed.
Prideful Pelicans
"Hey Jazz!" Leshawna said. "How're things?" Her jaw dropped. "For real, though?" She swallowed. "So...big crazy stuff is goin' on?" she asked, careful with her words. "Then I'll keep an eye out for anythin' too strange. Can't wait to see you again with the dough, though!" She hung up and as an extra precaution deleted the message.
Slothful Salamanders
"Shelley? Oh, hi!" Devin said. His expression changed as the tone of the babbling grew hotter and hotter until it began screaming. He was forced to hold the phone a foot away from his face. When it simmered down again, he brought it back to his ear. "Oh...oh...okay." He hung up.
"What on Earth was that about?" DJ asked.
"Shelley's dumping me so she can date her tennis instructor, Ash. She says that it's because I'm an idiot."
"Doing stupid things is how we learn to be smart," Ennui said, resting his hand on the shorter boy's shoulder. "You shall learn from this and find someone more suited for your personality."
"Thanks. Though it's gonna be nice to not have her bossing me around anymore."
"That it will, my friend. That it will."
Wrathful Woodpeckers
"KITTY! Oh, thank nonexistent God! I'm so sorry for being such a harpy!" Emma wailed into the phone. Beat. "Okay, okay, I'll cut back on the drama!" She laughed. "So everything's alright?" Her eyes widened. "A boyfriend?! Who?!" Beat. "Oh, just Junior then. Well, if he's not being weird to you like Chris is, then I guess that's okay with me." She blushed. "Kitty! I'm not ready for that just yet! But I'll make sure it airs when it does. See you!"
Confessional – Bridgette.
"This was one of those challenges where a lot of things could've been different," Bridgette remarked. "I don't really know who to choose." She wrote LAURIE on a piece of paper. "Or if my choice was right."
Confessional – Duncan.
"I think Steph might be onto me an' Al." He wrote STEPHANIE on a piece of paper.
Confessional – Stephanie.
"Sky's wicked flexible. I'd throw my back out trying to do what she does." She wrote SKY on a piece of paper. "Sorry girl, I respect your abilities, but they're gonna make it harder for me to win come the Final Ten."
Confessional – Cody.
"I don't like you." He wrote DUNCAN on a piece of paper. "I really freakin' don't."
"Here's how we do eliminations," Chris said. "We use the marshmallow system here. When I call your name, come get one." Only two of the seven marshmallows weren't colored. "The marshmallows are color-coded to show how many votes you got to fill your stockings with drama. White means no votes against you, and the recipients are Cody and Bridgette, a record low."
"So I guess most people just voted for one person?" Bridgette asked.
"Looks like it," Cody replied.
Then Chris pointed to four blue marshmallows. "Blue means you received only one vote against you. Laurie, Sky, and Ella, please take these from me." They did so.
"Green means you got more than one vote, but are still safe. Today, we don't have any. A pity too, it's one of the holiday colors." Two colored marshmallows were left. "Orange means you're on the chopping block, but are safe. Red means you've outlasted your welcome. Duncan. Stephanie."
They glared at each other.
"Duncan, you lusted after a girl not bound to you, and people recognize that as a character flaw. Stephanie, your overpowering desire to win has also been seen as a character flaw. One person has twice the other's votes...
...
...
...
...
"And that person is Stephanie!"
"Alright, fess up, who was it?" she asked.
"Uh...I didn't want you to someday go absolutely competition-freak rabid," Sky said slowly. "I mean, you're a lot more mature than you were in middle school, but still."
"I just needed to vote for someone," Duncan lied.
"Okay, that sounds alright. I'm just happy I get to see my folks in time for tomorrow."
"Not just yet! You've got an Aftermath to attend to tomorrow!" Chris interrupted, handing her the red marshmallow.
Confessional – Stephanie.
"Right, the Aftermaths. How I look forward to talking to Chris' wife."
Confessional – Ryan.
"Well, this bites," Ryan sighed. "Does seem a little weird that Duncan voted for her though."
"Then again, I think all of us agree that Duncan's weird." Chris stood underneath a spruce. "Thirty-six down. Forty-eight remain. Who's beginning to look a lot like our winner and who'll get abducted by Krampus? Find out on
"Total.
"Drama!"
The star fell off one of the Lustful Ladybugs' trees and landed on his head. To add insult to injury, so did one last remaining clump of mistletoe.
Votes:
Cody – Duncan
Bridgette – Laurie
Sky – Stephanie
Duncan – Stephanie
Stephanie – Sky
Ella – Didn't vote
Laurie – Ella
Results: 2-1-1-1-1 Stephanie-Duncan-Laurie-Sky-Ella
Eliminated: Staci, Leonard, Tammy, Leshaniqua, Spud, Chet, Dakota (ii), Phil (r), Ellody, Rock, Rodney (t), Anne Maria, Mickey, Jazz (r), Max, Mary, Junior, Zeke (t), Beth, Brody, Scott, Lauren, Brady, Lorenzo (t), Katie, Trent, Kitty, Gwen, Dave, Courtney, Tom, Dawn (t), Izzy (r), Jay, Lightning, Stephanie
Known active immunity idols: Josee (Crimson), Owen, Carrie, Tyler, Sammy, Lindsay, Devin, Eva, MacArthur (Noah), Geoff (Geoff), Justin (Ella), Duncan (Alejandro)
Bonus clip:
"Chef, I gotta say dude, good job reusing the mistletoe," Chris said. "But wouldn't it have been funnier if they had to kiss on the mouth? All of them?"
"Nah, why random same-sex kissing is considered funny is a mystery to me," Chef shrugged. "B'sides, this way gave them more freedom to be creative with how they racked up points."
"If you say so."
After Chef left, Chris smirked to himself. He deliberately made the Greedy Goats' tree something easy to find. After all, Heather, Jacques, and Mal's antics were doing wonders for the ratings.
But little did he know that what they were doing paled in comparison to the publicity that the Misfits were raking in, as every online forum and every video's comments section revealed.