Review time!
EndeavorT: Hubris clouds one's judgement, so he's not going to catch on just yet.
Knight: Interesting thought, I'm all for mythology gags. The problem is my pop-culture knowledge is limited.
Gucci Mane LaFlare: Thanks!
Joel Connell: Thanks! I actually acknowledged Zeke was the first of the original generation to go, as he was in canon. And truly feral Zeke is never gonna happen! (But Chris and Blaineley are gonna make him pretend to be a monster in Season Three because that's his worst fear.) Because Blaineley favors people like Shelley there won't be as much opportunity to talk about it, but there's gonna be criticism abound!
Tom Hawkes, The Fashion Blogger.
Tom tried to avoid another trigger button, but nevertheless more cardboard cutouts came. And kept coming. "AUGH!"
Dawn Kavanagh, The Moonchild.
"Sammy is correct," Dawn confirmed. "Amy's aura is not completely gone just yet."
Isabelle "Izzy" Daviau, The Psycho Hose Beast.
"I found this flash drive inside my taco! I'm debating over whether or not to eat it," Izzy said.
Jay Hart, The Adversity Twin.
"I would, but I don't know where the off switch is," Jay groaned from the ground.
Rudolph "Lightning" Jackson, The Conceited Athlete.
"I gotta beat this pathetic chump into the ground first!" Lightning retorted as he clambered up a building.
Stephanie Garrison, The Competition Freak.
Stephanie groaned. "Come on, you stupid paper!"
The next six contestants who've been eliminated have returned to their school. But while their ex-teammates celebrate Christmas or some other winter thingy–
Topher facepalmed at the tacky sweater his mother sent him.
–we follow up on the losers. Where are they now? What are they up to? Will Blaineley prove to be as cold as the weather? This.
Is.
Aftermath: Total Drama Edition.
Theme music
The screen opened and the viewer saw two clips, side-by-side, of Tom and Dawn walking, shot from the front view. Tom was on the left, Dawn on the right. The clips then wiped up to show Izzy and Jay in the same setup. It happened again, revealing Lightning and Stephanie. Then the clips wiped up entirely.
Kelly, Dwayne, and Gerry waved to the camera. Suddenly, a flat panel fell from the ceiling on top of them, crushing them underneath. Blaineley was sitting on the panel and waved to the camera.
A spotlight focused on a curtain. Two interns shakily held up a sign reading TOTAL DRAMA AFTERMATH VI: DECK THE BRAWLS. Then they fell over, the sign falling on top of them.
"Welcome to Total Drama's sixth aftermath!" Blaineley said to the camera. "Our next six eliminated contestants will be answering our questions from our judge's panel, and there will be some other fun stuff too! You already know the judges, so let's just get to it! Boy, did I miss doing the fifth one! But hey, you only get a Gemmy once!"
"I still stand by my opinion that Staci was a better host than you," Trent muttered.
"Our first eliminee is right in the middle of the pack. And true to form, is pretty average – Tom!" Tom came onstage.
"So, Tom, what do you think of the decorations here?" Dwayne asked.
"I don't like being at school on Christmas, and whoever designed these had NO taste."
"Hey, the student council worked hard on these!" Blaineley protested.
"As a member of the student council, I can confirm that most of us are dumb and therefore didn't," Courtney replied, earning some laughs.
"Shut up Courtney, can't you be autistic somewhere else?" Blaineley's response was met with a box to the head that knocked her onto the floor and unconscious.
"Thanks, Dakota," Courtney whimpered.
"Anytime," Dakota said reassuringly.
"Okay...that happened...uh, Tom, you said you and Jen are half-siblings, right? Is there a chance Mike's dad is yours as well?" Kelly asked.
"Nah, his face isn't the right shape. Besides, there can be more than one guy who sleeps around."
"Oh, right."
"If fashion doesn't work out for you, what career would you look for instead?" Gerry asked.
"Hm...maybe I'd be that guy in office supply stores who sells computers or something." He went into the audience.
"Uh...Blaineley's still out..." Rodney said cautiously.
"Then you can introduce Dawn," Gerry said.
"I can?" The cameras turned to him. "I can! Hey there, friends! Our next guest is one of the most mysterious but kind people I've ever met – Dawn!" Dawn appeared behind Blaineley, who'd been regaining consciousness but freaked out and fainted.
"Well, at least you don't have to deal with her," Dwayne mused.
"Yes, convincing her to move me up into eleventh grade like I should've been from the beginning was hard work enough," Dawn frowned.
"Oh, you did that? How's it going for you?"
"Quite well. I don't feel like I'm behind anything, or too far ahead."
"Speaking of anything, how're things with you and Scott?" Kelly asked.
"I forgave him for his shortsightedness once I learned of it. His main problem was lack of proper education when he was young regarding people with different abilities."
Confessional – Scott.
"Well, that and I can't learn like I used to." He paused. "Was me bein' insensitive to different minds part of why Courtney and I broke up?" He shrugged. "Eh, I'll never know."
"Dawn, you seem to have a lot of Wiccan vibes, yet you say you're agnostic. Care to explain?" Gerry asked.
"My parents were raised Wiccan but they let me choose my path. I don't have any proof, and I don't think we ever will, but I believe that the universe was born with a sort of...consciousness. I mostly say I have powers as a sort of in-joke."
"Very cool!" Dwayne complimented.
Blaineley finally recovered. "Urgh...why do I get all the weirdos..."
"Well, they're just gonna get even weirder!" Joseph said from behind a camera. "Please welcome – Izzy!"
"Hi!" Izzy appeared from on top of the camera and mushed her face into the lens. "This tastes slimy!"
"Ew," Joseph groaned after she got off and got into her seat, then began wiping off the lens.
"Wild child, huh?" Dwayne asked.
"Yep! I've got ADHD, mild schizophrenia, and a loose grasp of reality in general!" she grinned.
"Do your parents know?" Kelly asked.
"Roll the clip!"
"I know. Her parents were even worse. That's why she got fostered with Eva's family at a young age," Noah explained to Devin.
"Oh, wow," Gerry said, surprised. "Do you like it?"
"Indeedy do! I'm a little bit girlier than they're used to seeing that they're ex-military and all that, but Eva's the best foster sister I could ever hope for!"
"Awww," went the Peanut Gallery.
"Bleck," Blaineley grimaced. "And speaking of bleck, our next contestant was eliminated when he messed up one of the most disgusting meals I've ever seen (seriously, how can someone as glorious as moi be descended from people who ate that LITERAL tripe?!) – Jay!"
Jay got onstage. As it had been with his brother, the chair broke as soon as he sat down.
"We're gonna run out of chairs if this keeps up," Rock noted.
"Oh!" Dwayne winced as Jay got up. "Are you okay?"
"I think," Jay groaned, rubbing his back. Phil replaced the chair.
"Anyway," Kelly said, "Jay. Did you suspect Alejandro was sabotaging you before you got to see the episode?"
"In the back of my mind, yeah," he confirmed. "But I didn't think he'd go so far. Although...how long did it take for him to saw through my seat with a tiny little knife?"
"Depends on how cheap the tables were," Ellody snarked.
"You got booted before the heroes vs. villains challenge," Gerry said. "If you hadn't, what would your hero have been?"
"Hopefully invulnerable for the most part."
Confessional – Kitty.
"He speaks for all of us there."
"Speaking of invulnerable, our next contestant managed to avoid elimination for over a third of the game, even though most people hated him!" Blaineley exclaimed. "Incredible, right?"
"But is it the good kind of incredible, though?" Lorenzo asked.
"Put your hands in the air for – Lightning!"
"Sha-bam," Lightning said groggily as he slumped into his seat.
"You okay?" Dwayne asked.
"Forgot we had to get up so sha-early for school, even if it's not really school."
Confessional – Max.
"Yes, because despite the copious amounts of evidence that teenagers need large quantities of sleep, Blaineley REFUSES to push back the starting hour." He growled. "I hate it!"
"So, Lightning. You're one of the Athletes, what do you think about the Sky drama?" Kelly asked.
Lightning immediately bolted upright. "That they didn't tell her is a big sha-disgrace! Lightning knows better than to cheat at anything, especially love."
"And I guess you don't condone Alejandro's actions, then?" Gerry asked.
"No sir I do not. 'Specially with what happened yesterday."
Previously unseen footage filled the screen. "So you voted for Stephanie?" Alejandro grinned.
"Yeah, he's gonna ignore that love stuff for sure now."
"Ah, bromigo, you are such a help!"
"I know, tough guy. I know."
"Anyone else see what's going on?" Katie asked wryly.
"Not everyone's into that, Katie," Dawn replied gently. "Besides, there is no evidence that they are attracted to other males."
"And statistically it's just too unlikely anyway," Mary added.
"ANYWAY!" Blaineley interrupted. "We have one last chump before we go into today's challenges. So let's all welcome – Stephanie!" Stephanie came onstage and sat down.
"So, Leshawna mentioned that you and Ryan didn't always get along," Dwayne said. "Care to fill us in more?"
"Yeah, we were like, super competitive when we were in elementary school," Stephanie chuckled. "But we grew out of it and realized that we're actually pretty good at working together, and then the hormones kicked in. So here we are."
"And I'm glad it didn't devolve into something unhealthy," Kelly smiled. "Speaking of unhealthy, which challenge was the most physically painful for you?"
"Where do I even begin?" The Peanut Gallery laughed. "Probably being forced down a mine in a giant hamster ball, I remember my back being really sore that night. Plus, it let Mal out."
"Yes, him. Who do you think is the most likely to take him down?" Gerry asked.
"Noah's biding his time, but he's as snakelike as Alejandro. Only instead of being malicious, he's patient and waiting for the right moment to bite. Zoey's looking pretty good too; after all, if she is falling for Mike then she's wont to bring him back and end Mal."
Confessional – Beth and Brady.
"Love is truly a force to be reckoned with," Brady remarked.
"Yeah, it is! And I hope we get Mike back soon, I miss my friend," Beth added sadly.
"Aw, don't worry, Beth! Someone's gonna stop him, you'll see."
"And that's all we have time for!" Blaineley turned to the camera. "What do I have in store? Find out after these messages."
Total Trivia: Forty of our eighty-four contestants are irreligious to some degree, making lack of belief the most common denomination. Which of the following contestants ARE believers?
A. Sammy
B. Gwen
C. DJ
D. Duncan
Do da do da doo. Commercial break!
Total Trivia: The correct answer is DJ. DJ's family are mild Muslims, favoring the peaceful parts of the religion over the ones calling for oppression of others; however, as Islam has no official winter holiday due to the fluctuating dates of its festivals, the Josephs celebrate Kwanzaa in place of Christmas.
"And we're back!" Blaineley announced. "Here in Aftermath, our eliminated contestants are going to compete in challenges themselves. The team with the most points at the end will get to send one of the teams in the next episode of the show an advantage! Everyone break into your original seven teams." They did so.
"Maybe there being a lot of us here won't be so bad after all," Trent remarked. "Unless, of course, saying that right now just jinxed us."
Red Robins: Dakota, Izzy, Kitty, and Junior.
Orange Ocelots: Beth, Brady, Katie, Lorenzo, Mary, Scott, and Phil.
Yellow Yaks: Stephanie, Anne Maria, and Lauren.
Green Gators: Max, Rodney, and Zeke.
Cyan Sharks: Gwen, Jazz, Trent, Ellody, Chet, Leonard, Tammy, Dawn, and Leshaniqua.
Blue Beetles: Lightning, Mickey, Jay, Tom, and Dave.
Purple Pigs: Courtney, Rock, Spud, Staci, and Brody.
"For our first challenge, we will play an obscure piece of music! Whichever team correctly identifies first it wins the point!" She pulled out a mobile speaker and pressed play. Heavy piano music began to play, and a lot of the teens immediately looked uneasy.
"Oh, no," Anne Maria gagged. "It's dat song from dat nasty video!"
"Yes it is!" Blaineley grinned evilly. "But it has a name, for it was made long before that Brazilian with bad taste got his hands on it! So what is its name?"
Courtney snapped her fingers. "I know this one! The guy who wrote it sued for misuse! This is Herve Roy's 'Lover's Theme'!"
"Correct! Looks like being obsessed with law paid off. Purple Pigs get the first point! Next!"
Confessional – Phil.
"Hey, knowing law is actually pretty useful. It tells you what stupid things not to do."
"For our second challenge, we've got another thing Jamaica is famous for."
"Marijuana?" Junior snarked.
"Jerk seasoning!"
"So Lightning's deodorant, then?"
"Sha-what?"
Blaineley facepalmed. "Ugh! I mean the stuff they put onto meat! I have here some canisters of spice blends; only one of these is jerk seasoning. To win this challenge you must correctly identify which of the seven is jerk seasoning." The canisters were colored red, orange, yellow, yellow-orange, red-orange, dark red, and army green. "Begin!"
The canisters were passed around, and the kids eventually clustered around the ones they thought was the right one. The Orange Ocelots were the only ones to cluster around the yellow-orange one.
"The Orange Ocelots are correct!"
"How'd you figure that out?" Brody asked, impressed.
"Jerk seasoning is made of garlic powder, cayenne pepper, onion powder, thyme, parsley, sugar, salt, paprika, allspice, black pepper, red pepper, nutmeg, and cinnamon," Mary explained. "We just looked around for the one that smelled like all of them."
"Next!
"For our third challenge, you must find the one word in this entire book that I highlighted in red marker!" Izzy immediately flipped through the copy of 1Q84 and pointed enthusiastically to a red-clad "the". Blaineley sighed. "Never mind, Red Robins get the point. Now it's time for...The Trial by Lustblossom! Except for Lightning, he's immune." The most recently-eliminated six, rather than last twelve, gathered together.
"Oh dear," Dawn said calmly. The cannons came down and sprayed. "DJ is attractive."
"Wow, Dawn's tougher than she looks!" Scott said. "I really do take back what I've said, she's awesome!" Blaineley smacked him on the back of the head, knocking him out.
Izzy vibrated uncontrollably. "I can't decide!" she exclaimed. "But Owen's the best of my decisions!" She fainted, drooling.
"Can someone get us some smelling salts or whatever?" Leshaniqua asked the camera.
Confessional – Dave.
"Whew! I'm so glad she forgot to check if we did it!"
"In our fourth challenge, the tomato lava's back! After all, Iceland's a volcanic island. Whoever can jump over the pit successfully gets the point." Everyone gulped as they stared at the massive puddle, remembering what it did to Owen's tongue and Spud's feet.
Well, almost everyone gulped.
"Screw you, Blaineley!" Gwen roared as she charged the pit of tomato soup before leaping over it, landing on her feet. Off to the side, Courtney visibly blushed.
"Since the rest of you are apparently cowards, the Cyan Sharks get the point! Next!
"In our fifth challenge, whoever can handcuff Gerry first wins!"
"Why did I sign up for this job?" Gerry sighed. Nevertheless, he produced his racket and used it to swat away offending teens.
Jay and Mickey remembered their talent and deliberately fell on him, allowing Lightning to cuff the old man.
"Blue Beetles get the point! Next!"
"Hey, maybe you two dorks aren't so sha-bad after all," Lightning realized.
"In our sixth and final challenge, just in time for Christmas, snowman building! Whoever can build the snowman most closely resembling Lady Gaga first wins!"
"It will be an honor to make the likeness of such a wonderful artist," Spud bowed.
Some time later, outside
"...but then again, the snow might have its own taste in music," he sighed. His team's snowman wasn't holding up so well due to the powdery consistency of the snow.
"Okay...the Red Robins' didn't collapse into a pile of dust, so they win!" Blaineley announced. "How'd you do it?"
"Saliva!" Izzy grinned, hacking a loogie to demonstrate.
"Hey, you didn't say we couldn't use our own fluids," Kitty shrugged.
Blaineley shuddered. "You Misfits disgust me. Anyhow, the Red Robins win the advantage! What is it? A metal detector! As for the Yellow Yaks and Green Gators, you guys get disadvantaged because you couldn't score any points: your teams DON'T get a map of the island!"
"What kind of challenge are you planning?" Scott asked.
"That's for you guys to find out. Now it's time to look at some of Total Drama's Funniest Moments!"
"Harold is the last person you need to be super-strong."
Harold gave Geoff and Tyler a double fistbump, which sent them flying.
"At least now we know one of Amy's [k word]s."
Amy botching the Icelandic phrase, much to her horror.
"Pump it!"
Sky poked at the piston. It suddenly fired, causing everyone, including the cat, to jump.
"What kind of lady wants that tramp?"
Tyler stepped on a button and a cardboard cutout whipped out and whapped him on the butt.
"It's always those darn child-proof caps, isn't it?"
Lindsay took the case of flashlights from Izzy before struggling to open it.
"True art is incomprehensible. Just like Spanish."
The angry thespian.
"Does Jen gay?"
Owen whispered something into Jen's ear. Her pupils shrank and her cheeks went as red as her sweater.
"Baby, all Harold wants for Christmas, is your boobs~"
Harold startled and ran, not paying attention to where he was going, headfirst into Leshawna's chest, causing her to blush awkwardly.
"And now, for our final part of the Aftermath, we will have you guys root for someone still in the game," Blaineley said to the most-recently eliminated contestants. "At the end of the show, we'll tally the votes, and whoever has the most supporters will receive a prize! As for the person who gets the most votes against them by the end of the show, they will get a punishment of my own creation, befitting of Total Drama's least popular contestant. Go to the confessionals and vote now."
Confessional – Tom.
"Jen's got my vote, that's for sure. Stay strong, my beloved sister of the same mister!"
Confessional – Dawn.
"DJ's aura suggests he might benefit from the catharsis of finally beating the traps Chris has set."
Confessional – Izzy.
"Of course Owen deserves to win! He did it in a past life once, he can do it again!"
Confessional – Jay.
"I had trouble figuring out who to put my vote in for, but I eventually went with Noah. Out of all of us, he stands the greatest chance at outsmarting everyone else."
Confessional – Lightning.
"Now that B can sha-talk, he's gonna go a lot farther than Lightning did."
Confessional – Stephanie.
"Ryan, but sweetie, you gotta stop listening to Alejandro!"
"And that's the end of that," Blaineley said. "Tune in after Challenge 42 for the seventh Aftermath."
The bell rang.
"And that's the end of that. Now go home!"
"Finally," Gwen grumbled as everyone left.
Votes against:
Owen – 3
Dakota – 7 (Eliminated 7th by immunity idol)
B – 2
Noah – 9
Cody – 1
Ella – 4
Izzy – 5 (Eliminated 33rd by rigged votes)
Emma – 1
Kitty – 6 (Eliminated 27th by rigged tiebreaker)
Junior – 12 (Eliminated 17th)
Sierra – 5
Topher – 0
Beth – 6 (Eliminated 19th)
Brady – 8 (Eliminated 23rd)
Justin – 0
Katie – 6 (Eliminated 25th)
Sadie – 0
Lorenzo – 5 (Eliminated 24th by tiebreaker)
Mary – 8 (Eliminated 16th)
Brick – 0
Ennui – 5
Crimson – 2
Scott – 35 (Eliminated 21st)
Phil – 2 (Eliminated 8th by rigged votes)
Heather – 40
Lindsay – 2
Taylor – 8
Alejandro – 38
Devin – 4
Carrie – 0
Ryan – 0
Stephanie – 2 (Eliminated 36th)
Miles – 2
Laurie – 2
Anne Maria – 12 (Eliminated 12th)
Lauren – 4 (Eliminated 22nd)
Cameron – 0
Mike – 1
Eva – 3
DJ – 2
Sam – 0
Scarlett – 4
Max – 7 (Eliminated 15th)
Rodney – 11 (Eliminated 11th by rigged tiebreaker)
Zeke – 8 (Eliminated 18th by rigged tiebreaker)
Sugar – 64
Sanders – 0
MacArthur – 0
Zoey – 1
Gwen – 14 (Eliminated 28th)
Leshawna – 0
Jazz – 1 (Eliminated 14th by rigged votes)
Trent – 12 (Eliminated 26th)
Harold – 2
Ellody – 15 (Eliminated 9th)
Chet – 11 (Eliminated 6th)
Leonard – 13 (Eliminated 2nd)
Tammy – 14 (Eliminated 3rd)
Dawn – 5 (Eliminated 32nd by rigged tiebreaker)
Leshaniqua – 5 (Eliminated 4th)
Shawn – 0
Lightning – 30 (Eliminated 35th)
Jo – 12
Amy – 36
Sammy – 2
Jasmine – 0
Sky – 6
Mickey – 3 (Eliminated 13th)
Jay – 8 (Eliminated 34th)
Tom – 9 (Eliminated 31st)
Jen – 0
Dave – 4 (Eliminated 29th)
Geoff – 0
Bridgette – 0
Courtney – 13 (Eliminated 30th)
Duncan – 19
Tyler – 0
Rock – 7 (Eliminated 10th)
Spud – 8 (Eliminated 5th)
Staci – 6 (Eliminated 1st)
Beardo – 0
Jacques – 19
Josee – 29
Brody – 6 (Eliminated 20th)
Votes for Winner:
Owen – Izzy (1)
Dakota – N/A
B – Lightning (1)
Noah – Zeke, Jay (2)
Cody – Rodney (1)
Ella – Leonard, Tammy (2)
Izzy – N/A
Emma – Kitty, Courtney (2)
Kitty – N/A
Junior – N/A
Sierra – None
Topher – None
Beth – N/A
Brady – N/A
Justin – Lauren (1)
Katie – N/A
Sadie – Dakota, Katie (2)
Lorenzo – Mary (1)
Mary – Ellody (1)
Brick – None
Ennui – Lorenzo (1)
Crimson – None
Scott – N/A
Phil – N/A
Heather – None
Lindsay – Beth (1)
Taylor – Anne Maria (1)
Alejandro – None
Devin – Junior (1)
Carrie – None
Ryan – Stephanie (1)
Stephanie – None
Miles – None
Laurie – None
Anne Maria – N/A
Lauren – N/A
Cameron – None
Mike – None
Eva – None
DJ – Brady, Dawn (2)
Sam – None
Scarlett – Max (1)
Max – N/A
Rodney – N/A
Zeke – N/A
Sugar – None
Sanders – None
MacArthur – None
Zoey – None
Gwen – N/A
Leshawna – Leshaniqua, Jazz (2)
Jazz – N/A
Trent – N/A
Harold – Trent (1)
Ellody – Chet (1)
Chet – N/A
Leonard – N/A
Tammy – N/A
Dawn – N/A
Leshaniqua – N/A
Shawn – None
Lightning – N/A
Jo – None
Amy – None
Sammy – Gwen (1)
Jasmine – None
Sky – Dave (1)
Mickey – N/A
Jay – Mickey (1)
Tom – N/A
Jen – Tom (1)
Dave – N/A
Geoff – Brody (1)
Bridgette – Staci (1)
Courtney – Scott (1)
Duncan – None
Tyler – Phil (1)
Rock – Spud (1)
Spud – N/A
Staci – N/A
Beardo – None
Jacques – None
Josee – None
Brody – Rock (1)
After the Aftermath:
Don sighed. "Another year's about to bite the dust, and Chris is still at large."
"Sweetie, there was no way you could've known this was going to happen," Don's wife Liana, a tall red-haired woman with silver eyes, said gently. "But if you didn't, then Chris would've hurt a lot more people then he has." She paused. "Does Noah know?"
"Of course he knows," Don scoffed. "He's the brightest student I've ever had in my advisory. And I can tell that he wants to do something, but he knows that he has to play the game."
They looked out their window into the night sky.
"...He's got my vote for the win, that's for sure."
"Mine as well. If anyone's going to take the McLeans down once and for all, it's him."