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AND WE FINALLY GOT NOTICED BY TVTROPES-SENPAI!
Wednesday, December 27, 2017
"Last time on Total Drama – we dashed through the snow! [Brick running] And once more, Mal got away! [Mal relocating one of the green stars] So many thrills, you know! [Josee growling at Sam and Harold] Just what did Shelley say? [Shelley breaking up with Devin] Smells were tingling [Taylor complaining about having to smell the trees] and the mistletoe gave them frights. [Jasmine kissing Shawn] And thanks to Alejandro, that was Stephanie's last night! [Stephanie's elimination]"
Chris stood at the Dock of Shame. "Forty-eight contestants remain. Who'll find what they're looking for and who won't? Find out here on
"Total.
"Drama!"
Theme song
*Instrumental*
A camera appeared from the snow-covered bushes, scaring off a squirrel. Another came from a tree, startling a blue jay. The third popped out of the ground, hitting a passing Harold in the groin. Jacques laughed at him, but stopped when he saw Leshawna glaring at him.
Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine
You guys are on my mind
The camera flew across the snowy island, passing Chris getting pampered by a disgusted Phil, Jo and Eva arm-wrestling, Dave attempting to flirt with Sky, Trent performing a song in front of an approving Ella, Crimson and Ennui staring blankly into space, and Jasmine fighting a mutated anglerfish.
You asked me what I wanted to be
And now I think it's plain to see
DJ, Miles, and Laurie were one with the few animals still awake during winter. Then Dawn showed up. DJ invited her to join them, while the Vegans glared at her.
I wanna be famous
Heather, Josee, and Taylor battled it out on the frozen lake in a game of hockey. Josee knocked the puck so hard it went flying right into one of B's inventions on the other side of the lake. Bridgette and Geoff watched, then the latter pulled out a card reading "7.5".
*Instrumental*
Owen trudged across the ice covering the river, which quickly broke under his weight. He jumped out of the water shivering. From afar, Sasquatchanakwa rolled his eyes as if to say "lightweight". Then Izzy appeared behind him and knocked him to the ground, before pulling out a camera and taking a picture of her catch.
I want to live close to the sun
Well, pack your bags cause I've already won.
Mike looked into a mirror and smiled at what he saw. His reflection included those of his alternate personalities, who were happily admiring their looks. Then an emo version of Mike, with his hair flipped over his face, suddenly appeared in the back, frightening everyone.
Everything to prove nothing in my way
I'll get there one day
Chef roasted the remains of a mutated rat in the cafeteria over the stove in front of the campers. Ryan and Stephanie looked at each other, then back at Chef with their game faces on. Behind them, Tyler, Lindsay, Zoey, Cameron, Sam, and Lightning mingled.
'Cuz I wanna be famous
Amy attempted to tackle Sammy, but Cody appeared and shoved her aside, before pulling Sammy into a hug. Behind them, Sierra cursed to herself.
Na na nana na na nana nana na na na na na naaaaah
Courtney, Duncan, and Gwen watched Sugar engage in a slap-fight with MacArthur to Sanders' disapproval. Courtney was holding Duncan's hand, but the latter was secretly checking out Gwen.
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous
Carrie and Devin sat together in the Climate Hall, the one warm part of the island left, when it suddenly began raining, and then the door opened, causing both to get very cold. It turned out Alejandro had been responsible. He grinned evilly at the camera. But he didn't notice Brick spying on him. Brick's eyes narrowed.
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous.
Topher chatted with Dakota, who was busy with intern work. Behind them, Scarlett breathed a sigh of relief as she looked behind the good cabin. Because of the colder weather, the lustblossoms were dormant.
*Whistling*
At the campfire, as the other campers I didn't have time to name looked on excitedly, Noah and Emma looked each other in the eyes...and then Justin interrupted the moment by appearing between them. They gave him immediate death glares, causing him to run off. The couple looked back at the camera with raised eyebrows.
"Zoey? What did you want to know?" Cameron asked. He and Zoey were in the VR room.
"Tell me everything you know about Mike. I think he's not himself and I don't want him to find out."
Cameron's eyes widened. "Then I guess I'd better start." They sat down and Cameron began:
"Mike, as you know, was born from a one-night stand. His birth mother and stepfather didn't appreciate that and often abused him, causing him to develop his personalities as ways of working around his frustrations with his own limitations. Eventually Child Services found out and took him away, and he ended up being fostered with my family when we were about to enter fourth grade.
"But Mike's personalities didn't make things easy whenever they were triggered. It came to a head during a school dance in seventh grade, when Mike was so overwhelmed that all nine of his alternates came out at once. Some unintelligent mother freaked out, not knowing about Mike's condition, and called the cops on him. The cops didn't know what MPD was either, so they sent him to juvenile detention."
"That's horrible!" Zoey exclaimed.
"It was. He was bullied a lot during his time there. One day, someone punched him in the face, knocking him out. When he woke up again, there was a new personality in control of his body. The combination of the best traits of all ten of his selves. Smart. Strong. Manipulative."
"Mal?"
"He didn't have a name at the time. But he was invaluable. Any time Mike was hit on the head by a bully or a teacher, Mal came out and fought them off. Eventually, my mom and I got Mike released and returned home. Theoretically, Mal wouldn't be needed again unless Mike was in a life-or-death situation. But he refused to leave.
"He'd grown megalomaniacal during his time in juvie, and he wanted to become Mike's only self and take over the world. That's when he took on his name, a shortened version of 'The Malevolent One'. The other personalities wouldn't stand for that, so they fought him off as best they could."
"You mentioned...he had nine alternate selves?"
"He did, he had an additional five personalities in those days. Sir Cornwall Balderdash, the English gentleman triggered when Mike had to be excessively formal. Senator Tyra Erickson, triggered when Mike had to make a speech in front of over fifty people. Lord Dawggo, the rapper triggered when Mike took off his belt during a formal event. Phylla Grasshead, the farmgirl triggered whenever Mike wore plaid. And lastly, Ruqa Sadako, the geisha triggered when Mike put on a kimono.
"Mal killed them all in cold blood. Eventually, Mike had me zap him with a taser someone had stolen and left in our backyard. The shock was enough to confuse Mal for a timeframe of sufficient length for the five surviving personas to trap him in the core of their collective brain. After this, they promised to not come out as much to prevent something like that from ever happening again."
Some time later
"Hey everyone! How'd you find your holidays?" Chris asked.
"About as mediocre as ever," Sky shrugged.
"And speaking of finding, my Gilded Chris awards went missing yesterday! Luckily, I have you guys to find them for me!"
Beardo made a cartoon shock noise in sarcasm.
"Break into your original seven teams!" They did so. "Somewhere on this island is the Chest of Untold Secrets, which now has untold wonders inside of it! Since the Red Robins won the Aftermath they get a metal detector! Since their teams lost the Aftermath, the Yellow Yaks and the Green Gators won't get a map of the island!" He handed the maps to the other five teams, then hefted a boxed metal detector over to Cody, who struggled to carry the large object. "Whichever team can recover them first wins!"
"But how do we determine who loses?" Geoff asked.
Chris paled. "Uh..."
Confessional – Heather.
"Unbelievable! He didn't even think through today's challenge!" She sighed. "If there was one thing Gwen and I could agree on, it's that Chris sucks. And not in the good way."
Red Robins: Owen, B, Noah, Cody, Ella, Emma, Sierra, and Topher.
Orange Ocelots: Justin, Sadie, Brick, Ennui, and Crimson.
Yellow Yaks: Heather, Lindsay, Taylor, Alejandro, Devin, Carrie, Ryan, Miles, and Laurie.
Green Gators: Cameron, Mike, Eva, DJ, Sam, Scarlett, Sugar, Sanders, and MacArthur.
Cyan Sharks: Zoey, Leshawna, and Harold.
Blue Beetles: Shawn, Jo, Amy, Sammy, Jasmine, Sky, and Jen.
Purple Pigs: Geoff, Bridgette, Duncan, Tyler, Beardo, Jacques, and Josee.
Some time later
Cyan Sharks
"Okay guys, we gotta figure this out fast. We don't wanna be the first team out," Leshawna said. Only three of them had made it this far into the game.
"Unfortunately, given how obscure cyan is as a distinct color, that's like, quite likely," Harold sighed.
"Hey, wait a minute," Zoey realized. "Didn't we first have to look for Gilded Chris' in the mine?"
"Of course!" the Dweeb realized. "That's so a likely place for Chris to hide them in! Gosh, I wish I'd thought of that."
Yellow Yaks
The Yellow Yaks had had the same idea, and approached the spot where the doors to the mine were. To their surprise, it was roped off with yellow tape. Simon was working on it.
"Is everything...okay?" Miles asked.
"The doors malfunctioned and now they won't open," Simon grunted. "Sorry kids, but you'll have to look elsewhere until I get this fixed."
"How long have they been like that?" Alejandro asked, putting two and two together to make four (Quick maths! ...No, wait, that meme's dumb. NYKUS, IN MY OFFICE!).
"Since last Friday."
Alejandro counted on his fingers. "So for the past five days, then. Therefore Chris didn't have a chance to hide the trophies inside the mine."
"And that means we can cross that location off the list," Carrie nodded. "Good thing we already memorized where everything is."
"Good thing indeed," Ryan agreed. "We'd be here all day otherwise."
Red Robins
That should do it, B said. The fully-assembled metal detector stood before them.
"Let's see what the instruction manual says, shall we?" Emma asked. She picked up the pamphlet it came with. "Okay, so this can be calibrated to certain metals, including the one used to make the chest's frames."
"I was gonna ask if we were gonna use it on the statues but then I remembered they were in the chest," Owen mentioned.
"That, and they're plastic and last I checked, carbon wasn't a metal," Noah remarked.
"But what about the metal in the paint?" Ella asked.
"Gold paint mostly doesn't have actual gold in it," Cody explained. "Just little bits of yellow that trick your eyes. Anywho, which of us should carry it?"
"Depends. Which one of us knows how to use a metal detector?" Noah asked. A pause. "Oh."
Confessional – Noah.
"I'm not as averse to labor as I was before. It still hurts like crap, but still."
Green Gators
"I have located a splinter of the Chest of Untold Secrets from the location it is typically stored in," Scarlett explained, holding up a plastic bag with a single splinter in it. "By getting a lock on its exact chemical signature using this," she held up a PDA-like device, "we shall find the location where it is hidden."
"Should we go get supplies?" Eva asked.
"Yes, for I need the following ingredients." She handed the rest of her team copies of the same list of parts. "I need these for a new power cell; the one I was planning to use was destroyed."
"By what?" Sanders asked.
"A..." She faltered, hesitant. "...hairless squirrel. With laser vision."
"I hate those things," MacArthur growled sympathetically.
The team dispersed. "Hey, Mike, mind if I come with you?" Cameron asked.
"Oh, not at all, buddy," "Mike" said. Cameron walked ahead, oblivious to Mal scowling at his back.
Confessional – Mal.
Mal groaned. "Cameron knows too much about me. I need to take him out now. But how?"
He pondered this for a moment. "Well, an immunity idol would be best, seeing that that'd take me into Season Three, but...that's not enough of a punishment for that undeserving immunodeficient twig!"
An evil grin suddenly came to his face. "Yes...I'll hurt him..." And he cackled madly.
"I love this show."
Mike's mind
"So what is puzzle now?" Svetlana asked. The four personas stood in front of a stage. Off to the side was a blank screen.
"Looks like some sorta musical thingy," Vito replied. He walked up to the screen and read its instructions. "'To win this you must beatbox a song that will unlock the door behind the stage. You will need at least ten people to pull it off.'" He grimaced. "But we only got four people here!"
"Mike can make clones of his friends, nincompoop!" Chester barked.
"It's true," Mike said. "And I know just who to make, too." He summoned copies of the Drama Brothers, Beardo, Ella, Gwen, Courtney, Leshawna, and Jazz. Mike's personalities joined them, and they performed an awesome piece, the soundwaves coming on in color on the blank screen.
Unfortunately, there aren't enough letters in the English alphabet to write down their sounds with, so you'll just have to imagine it yourself.
But it worked, and the back of the stage opened. Mike dissipated his clones and breathed a sigh of relief. "Lord Dawggo would be proud."
"Ayo, he so would," Vito agreed. "He so would."
Purple Pigs
Back in the real world, the Purple Pigs searched the Mess Hall. "Hey Chef, do you know where Chris would likely hide the chest?" Geoff asked.
"Nope," Chef grunted. "But knowing him, possibly the last place you maggots would look inside."
"But there are seven of us," Jacques pointed out.
"Maybe that means we should all come up with a place we'd look last in," Bridgette suggested.
"Eh, it's better than nothin'. C'mon, let's search the cabins," Duncan shrugged. "The last place I'd look? Under my bed."
"But will their search bear fruit?" Chris asked. "Probably not, since it's the middle of winter. Find out more after these messages."
Do da do da doo. Commercial break!
"And we're back!" Chris said to the audience. "While you were away, Mal was up to something. Let's see exactly what, shall we?"
Green Gators
"Oh, why hello there boys," Scarlett said as "Mike" and Cameron entered Scarlett's room in one of the cabins. "Did you find the elemental carbon I need for the cell's anode?"
"One big bag of broken pencils and pencil shavings, as requested!" Cameron grinned, dropping a bag of the stuff in front of her.
"Excellent! Now, Cameron, could you help me make this? With Max eliminated you're the next-smartest person on the team after myself."
"I would! I'd really like that."
As soon as they left, Mal snuck over to the bag where the splinter was. He took it out and switched it with a fragment of pencil.
Confessional – Mal.
"This way, the tracker will focus on the pencils scattered throughout the island and not the chest. Scarlett and Cameron will be blamed for not keeping their workplace tidy. Getting either out would be good, but I'm interested in Cameron specifically. Now all I need to do is get him injured somehow..."
Blue Beetles
"Samey, honestly, you should've listened when I said we weren't gonna find anything in there," Amy growled as they left the shed where the boats were stored when not at the dock.
"Amy, we had no way of knowing whether or not you were right or wrong," Jasmine snapped.
"Yeah, we didn't know until we went and looked," Sky added. "And now that we do, we can go somewhere else." Amy sighed and stormed away, her team begrudgingly following.
"Sheesh, what's her problem?" Jen asked Sammy.
"I wish I knew, Jen. But us fighting physically is...a lot rarer than people seem to think it is. Mostly she just tells me I'm dumb and mouths off a lot. Still," Sammy sighed, "I wished she wouldn't. And things were...so much better when we were little..."
Jen suddenly had a realization.
Confessional – Jen.
"Mr. Prescott, their birth father, died when they were little kids. So what if Amy subconsciously blames her sister for her dad's death and that's why she hates her so much? I'm not Dawn, but it's definitely something worth looking into."
Red Robins
"...how much shrapnel is on this island?" Noah groaned as Owen hefted yet another piece of sheet metal aside.
"Given how hasty the US left the island when it was declared unsafe, probably a lot," Emma replied. "Are we sure iron was the right metal to calibrate the metal detector to?"
"Well, yeah!" Sierra replied.
"Maybe we set the purity up? I don't recall iron being this smooth," Owen remarked.
Elemental iron isn't, you are correct about that, B nodded. Hand me that metal detector.
Green Gators
"That's...weird. I'm getting readings from multiple parts of the island at the same time," Scarlett frowned.
"Have you tried turning it off and back on again?" DJ asked.
"Five times and doing so didn't change anything."
"Oh."
"Maybe you can't do it right!" Sugar exclaimed.
"OR maybe the wood the chest is made of belongs to a tree species common on the island," Sam suggested more gently.
"Unlikely. The wood used to make the Chest of Untold Secrets came from an Atlas cedar, which is both not native to Canada and not present on Wawanakwa. Trust me, I catalogued all of the flora and fauna species so I could prepare for any mutants."
"Smart," Sam nodded.
"Well, I have an idea," Eva said. "Maybe you didn't calibrate it to the right splinter. I mean, there's a lot of wooden crap around, that's a lotta places to contaminate your detector with."
"I have considered that, yes, but what is common enough to be giving so many readings?"
"Also, why can't people clean up after themselves?" Sanders grumbled, picking up a chewed-up pencil fragment. Scarlett's detector suddenly let out a raucous BEEP!
Silence as everything sank in at once.
"...I am so embarrassed," Scarlett blushed.
"Don't be, it happens to everyone," Cameron said gently. "Mike, let's go back to our base so we can find the right splinter."
"Mike"'s eyes subtly lit up. "Why sure thing...pal." They left together.
Confessional – Sugar.
Sugar laughed heavily. "A pencil! A friggin' pencil! That's the most bonified funniest thang I ever heard all day!"
Confessional – Jo.
"I could HEAR her misspell 'bona fide'," Jo groaned. "Please, God or whoever's in charge of the universe, get me away from her ASAP!"
Confessional – The Nerdinator.
"I'm no god, but I wield a godlike stylus with reality-bending powers, so I'll see what I can do."
Orange Ocelots
"Communal washrooms are off the list," Justin said as he left the aforementioned building. "What does that leave?"
"Computer lab, study lounge, underneath the bleachers of the Drama Gym," Sadie replied, counting off on her fingers. "...am I forgetting anything?"
"Perhaps," Crimson said. "But if we have, then we may remember it on the way to one of our other destinations. I suggest one of us devote themselves to remembering where we have been."
"I can do that!" Brick exclaimed.
Yellow Yaks
Unbeknowst to the OO, the Yellow Yaks were listening in on them. Laurie frowned. "We've been to all of those places and didn't find it! Where could it be?!"
"I cannot say," Alejandro replied, visibly frustrated.
"Chris had better not put it somewhere off-island," Heather scowled. "If he did and it's back home I'm gonna wring his neck."
"Ha! Fat chance of that!" Taylor cackled. "Besides, I've just had a great idea for where it is! Chris' place!"
"Well, that would be a place none of us want to get anywhere near," Ryan said. "So maybe that is the right place to look."
"Then what are we waiting for?" Miles asked. "C'mon girls and guys, let's go go GO!"
Green Gators
Mal slipped away into a cave. Picking up a rock, he slung it at something, then left as quickly as he'd come.
Cameron was walking outside the cave when a low rumbling noise came from inside. He paled as a male grizzly bear, who was strangely wearing a scuba mask for some unknown reason, lumbered out and glared at the boy, assuming him to be the one who'd interrupted his torpor.
The bear roared and gave chase.
Being much smaller than the bear, Cameron was able to weave through the trees much more easily. But the bear was persistent.
Suddenly, Cameron slipped on a patch of ice and landed painfully on his arm. A sickening crack, and his world filled with pain. Scuba Bear closed in for the kill...
But the ruckus had also woken up the Black Bears' mascot, and the black bear, recognizing Cameron as someone who wasn't a complete tool, decisively bit Scuba Bear on the butt. Scuba Bear squeaked and turned around. The bears fought for a bit, but the black bear won, sending a battered Scuba Bear running away.
The black bear then turned to Cameron. He got onto his hind legs, gingerly picked the boy up with his hands, and lumbered away.
Purple Pigs
"Back at the beginning?" Tyler asked Beardo at the campfire.
"Hey, Chris had a whole divider-thingy in the ground. These stumps might be holding some secrets too."
Suddenly, the bear arrived and dropped Cameron on the ground. "What the–" Tyler's pupils shrank. "Guys! Cameron's hurt!"
Yellow Yaks
"How many copies of the same shirt does Chris need?!" Laurie griped as she, Carrie, and Lindsay searched Chris' bedroom.
"I know, and I thought our wardrobes in the VR challenges were limited," Carrie agreed.
"Yeah, like, okay, I like my boots but like, I can't run in my boots very well," Lindsay added. "Would it like, be too hard for Chazz to put my virtual self in sneakers for once?"
"It might," Laurie snarked. "Have we not looked anywhere else?"
"Under the bed," Carrie replied. She got on her stomach and slid her hand underneath it. "I feel something boxy and wooden. Mind lifting the bed for me?"
"Not at all!" Lindsay chirped. "...How do I do it again?"
"With your legs, like so," Laurie said, picking up one of the rear bed legs. Lindsay got the other and Carrie retrieved the Chest of Untold Secrets.
Some time later
"Hey Chris, we got the–" Devin stopped. Everyone watched as Dakota and Miranda put the finishing touches on Cameron's makeshift splint. "Whoa! What happened?"
"A bear happened," Jo explained. "And another bear saved him. Yeah, I don't know why it happened either."
"Well, in any case," Chris interrupted, "the Yellow Yaks, despite being disadvantaged, managed to find the chest in my bedroom!" He took the chest from Carrie and unlocked it, revealing the Gilded Chris Awards.
"...You're joking," Josee said, confused.
"No, I'm just creative! And thankfully the problem of deciding which of the remaining six teams lost today's challenge has solved itself! Meet me at the campfire at eight, Green Gators, someone's going home!"
"Yeah, we know! Cameron!" MacArthur snapped.
"How are the votes gonna work out in the Aftermath?" Phil asked.
"We're counting his departure as his entire team voting him off." Cameron looked more hurt than ever. Chris handed him the red marshmallow, smirking evilly.
"What now?" DJ asked. There was an awkward pause following that as Chris pondered. Suddenly, the sadistic host's eyes lit up in delight.
"I have a brilliant idea! Someone else on your team is gonna get exiled to the nearby Boney Island in solitary confinement, since we don't get a normal elimination!" Chris exclaimed. "These will also count towards their overall vote count. So go vote now!"
Confessional – Mal.
"I gotta hand it to Chris. His desire to protect his precious obsession with a stupid world order is playing right into my hands." He wrote SUGAR on a piece of paper, smirked, and put his feet up on the sink.
Confessional – Sugar.
"Finally that annoying squirt's gone! But there are still folks who gotta go too." She wrote SCARLETT on a piece of paper.
Confessional – Eva.
"No questions." She wrote SUGAR on a piece of paper.
Confessional – Sam.
"Poor Cameron." He wrote SUGAR on a piece of paper.
"Here's how we do eliminations, and in this case, send people off to Boney Island," Chris said. "We use the marshmallow system here. When I call your name, come get the orange marshmallow." All but two of the marshmallows were white. "The marshmallows are color-coded to show how many votes you got to locate the best possible source of drama. White means no votes against you, and the recipients are Mike, Eva, DJ, Sam, Sanders, and MacArthur." All of them got up and got their marshmallows.
Two colored marshmallows were left. One of them was a light, buttery yellow, the other charcoal black. "For this ultra-special feature, we have two new colors! Yellow means you've been voted for but won't be going to Boney Island; black means you will be. Scarlett. Sugar."
The girls at opposite ends of the intellectual spectrum glared at each other.
"Neither of you are very popular right now. Scarlett, for screwing up, and Sugar, for being a royal pain. But one of you received only one vote. That person is...
...
...
...
...
"Scarlett! Sugar, you will be temporarily exiled to Boney Island!"
"What?!" Sugar shrieked. Chef handed her the black marshmallow and escorted the perplexed Pageant Prat away.
Confessional – Scarlett.
"Cameron's elimination was...perplexing. And...suspect. Something is going on and I fully intend to find out what."
Confessional – Zoey.
"Oh my god...this is bad. If these are the lengths Mal goes to stay in power...we're not going to leave this show in one piece."
"Oh, I dunno. I fully believe in plot immunity!" Chris walked over to where the Drama Mine was. "Thirty-seven down. Forty-seven remain. Who's gonna keep ahead of the game and who'll be broken up? Find out on
"Total.
"Drama!"
"Chris, I'd be more careful around here," Simon warned him. "The doors can open, but they don't always–"
Chris wasn't paying attention and fell down the mine. "MY HAIR!"
"...close."
Votes:
Cameron – Couldn't vote
Mal – Sugar
Eva – Sugar
DJ – Didn't vote
Sam – Sugar
Scarlett – Sugar
Sugar – Scarlett
Sanders – Sugar
MacArthur – Sugar
Results: 6-1 Sugar-Scarlett
Eliminated: Staci, Leonard, Tammy, Leshaniqua, Spud, Chet, Dakota (ii), Phil (r), Ellody, Rock, Rodney (t), Anne Maria, Mickey, Jazz (r), Max, Mary, Junior, Zeke (t), Beth, Brody, Scott, Lauren, Brady, Lorenzo (t), Katie, Trent, Kitty, Gwen, Dave, Courtney, Tom, Dawn (t), Izzy (r), Jay, Lightning, Stephanie, Cameron (nj)
Known active immunity idols: Josee (Crimson), Owen, Carrie, Tyler, Sammy, Lindsay, Devin, Eva, MacArthur, Ella, Beardo (Noah), Geoff (Geoff), Justin (Ella), Duncan (Alejandro)
Bonus clip:
Sugar shuddered on Boney Island, which had a single, small cabin and was filled with large, jagged rocks. "They're all gonna pay!" she growled. "Just you wait 'n' see. Especially you, Ella!"
But she wasn't even on her team, one laser-squirrel chirped to another.
Humans, man, they're super dumb. C'mon, let's go set those other squirrels we keep seeing in the window on fire, replied the other. They scampered off.