Review time!
Gucci Mane LaFlare: Thanks! I write Mal as smart, wily, and very unscrupulous. As he should be, frankly.
And thanks to KilllaKirika for starting work on our official Tropes Page! Feel free to add to it!
Saturday, December 30, 2017
"Last time on Total Drama – we searched for treasure! [Cody struggling to pick up the metal detector] I hid my Gilded Chris awards somewhere on the island and our contestants went searching for them! [The Blue Beetles arguing] Thanks to Taylor actually pulling her weight for once [Taylor's idea] the Yellow Yaks found the chest in my room! [Carrie retrieving the chest] Wish they hadn't messed up my sheets, though. Scarlett had a brilliant plan [Scarlett's tracker] but Mal had an even better one. [Mal waking up Scuba Bear] Mal's trickery paid off when Cameron, the guy who knew the most about him [Cameron talking to Zoey], got too hurt to continue on. [Cameron's elimination] Since I hate breaking formula, we used the elimination ceremony to exile Sugar to Boney Island. [Sugar's exile]"
Chris stood at the Dock of Shame. "Forty-seven contestants remain. Who'll fall into eternal glory and who'll be caught up in their own lies? Find out here on
"Total.
"Drama!"
"Sugar's back," Chef drolled as he docked his motorboat. Behind him, a rosy-cheeked Sugar shivered furiously, glaring at Chris.
"Oh, good, she's alive and intact. Lawsuit averted!"
"Thank you fer yer kencern," Sugar growled sarcastically.
Theme song
*Instrumental*
A camera appeared from the snow-covered bushes, scaring off a squirrel. Another came from a tree, startling a blue jay. The third popped out of the ground, hitting a passing Harold in the groin. Jacques laughed at him, but stopped when he saw Leshawna glaring at him.
Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine
You guys are on my mind
The camera flew across the snowy island, passing Chris getting pampered by a disgusted Phil, Jo and Eva arm-wrestling, Dave attempting to flirt with Sky, Trent performing a song in front of an approving Ella, Crimson and Ennui staring blankly into space, and Jasmine fighting a mutated anglerfish.
You asked me what I wanted to be
And now I think it's plain to see
DJ, Miles, and Laurie were one with the few animals still awake during winter. Then Dawn showed up. DJ invited her to join them, while the Vegans glared at her.
I wanna be famous
Heather, Josee, and Taylor battled it out on the frozen lake in a game of hockey. Josee knocked the puck so hard it went flying right into one of B's inventions on the other side of the lake. Bridgette and Geoff watched, then the latter pulled out a card reading "7.5".
*Instrumental*
Owen trudged across the ice covering the river, which quickly broke under his weight. He jumped out of the water shivering. From afar, Sasquatchanakwa rolled his eyes as if to say "lightweight". Then Izzy appeared behind him and knocked him to the ground, before pulling out a camera and taking a picture of her catch.
I want to live close to the sun
Well, pack your bags cause I've already won.
Mike looked into a mirror and smiled at what he saw. His reflection included those of his alternate personalities, who were happily admiring their looks. Then an emo version of Mike, with his hair flipped over his face, suddenly appeared in the back, frightening everyone.
Everything to prove nothing in my way
I'll get there one day
Chef roasted the remains of a mutated rat in the cafeteria over the stove in front of the campers. Ryan and Stephanie looked at each other, then back at Chef with their game faces on. Behind them, Tyler, Lindsay, Zoey, Cameron, Sam, and Lightning mingled.
'Cuz I wanna be famous
Amy attempted to tackle Sammy, but Cody appeared and shoved her aside, before pulling Sammy into a hug. Behind them, Sierra cursed to herself.
Na na nana na na nana nana na na na na na naaaaah
Courtney, Duncan, and Gwen watched Sugar engage in a slap-fight with MacArthur to Sanders' disapproval. Courtney was holding Duncan's hand, but the latter was secretly checking out Gwen.
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous
Carrie and Devin sat together in the Climate Hall, the one warm part of the island left, when it suddenly began raining, and then the door opened, causing both to get very cold. It turned out Alejandro had been responsible. He grinned evilly at the camera. But he didn't notice Brick spying on him. Brick's eyes narrowed.
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous.
Topher chatted with Dakota, who was busy with intern work. Behind them, Scarlett breathed a sigh of relief as she looked behind the good cabin. Because of the colder weather, the lustblossoms were dormant.
*Whistling*
At the campfire, as the other campers I didn't have time to name looked on excitedly, Noah and Emma looked each other in the eyes...and then Justin interrupted the moment by appearing between them. They gave him immediate death glares, causing him to run off. The couple looked back at the camera with raised eyebrows.
Red Robins
"So how many idols do you have now?" Emma asked Noah in the latter's room.
"Ten. I found four more between challenges." He sighed. "Em?"
"Yeah?"
"Is hiding all of those things really the best thing I can do?"
"Well yeah, you're protecting your friends..."
Noah sighed. "I know, it's just...I don't like hiding stuff from them. It feels like I'm betraying their trust. I mean, I have good reason to, there are people I don't trust who'd pay a pretty penny to bump them off."
Emma nodded thoughtfully. "Scylla or Charybdis, huh?"
"Yeah. And I don't know which one's the six-headed snake-dog or the salamander-shaped whirlpool monster."
Confessional – Noah.
"I trust Emma because she's in a similar boat as myself. We're leaders. We look out for our friends." He sighed. "Man, I went from de facto to de jure King of the Misfits in what, four months? Not that I mind, apparently."
Some time later
"Alright everyone, listen up!" Chris barked at the teens. "It's clear to me that not everyone trusts each other. Alliances are drifting apart and people are cheating their way out of a fair elimination!"
"Don't you like that stuff, though?" Topher asked, confused.
"Of course I do! It's good for the ratings! BUT it makes for bad teams, and those are bad for the ratings. It's a delicate balance, being popular."
"And that's why it's incredibly idiotic to aim for it," Scarlett muttered.
Chris didn't hear her. "So! I have broken you into two teams of twenty-three apiece."
"But forty-seven's an odd number," Tyler pointed out.
"And that's why Mike's getting automatic immunity for today!" "Mike" pretended to look touched by this.
"Why Mike?" Amy asked incredulously.
"Yeah, what did he ever do that's so great?" Heather added.
"Eh, I just want the disability lawyers to get off my tail. They're yakking about Blaineley being 'ableist' or whatever it is because she made fun of Courtney last Aftermath or something."
"So I take it her diagnosis came out positive?" Bridgette asked tentatively.
"I guess. I don't really care. Anyone who votes for Mike gets kicked out automatically!"
Confessional – Owen.
"Darn it! There goes my plan to tell everyone about Mal!" he griped.
Confessional – Mal.
"Does Chris know who's really in charge of this body? No duh, he watches everything that we do. But hey, if I'm his next posterboy, then so be it."
"Since he'll still need to do this stuff to meet my approval, though, Dakota's going to keep an eye on him. He won't be able to vote for anyone tonight, either." Mal was genuinely crestfallen at this.
"Anyway, Owen, Noah, Cody, Sierra, Topher, Sadie, Brick, Lindsay, Alejandro, Devin, Carrie, Eva, DJ, Scarlett, Zoey, Harold, Shawn, Sammy, Jasmine, Jen, Geoff, Bridgette, and Beardo. You are Team Truth! Everyone else, you're Team Lie! Exemptees, you're doing the same based on alphabetical order."
"So what's our challenge gonna be like?" Sadie asked.
"As I've said, there's not enough trust on this island. So we're gonna make some! One person from each team will pair up in the order I've assigned you in. That's Owen with B, Noah with Ella, Cody with Emma, etc. Then you will perform a trust exercise! Lie will do it on Truth, then Truth on Lie, and so on until you do all five exercises. Whichever team completes the most exercises successfully wins! Before you ask, both teams get a point for each successful completion.
"The exercises in question are: climbing up the cliff, extreme cooking, blind William Tell, blind trapeze, and blind toboggan race!"
"Do I look like Terezi to you?" Noah snarked.
"A little bit," Cody mused. "It's the hair, mostly."
"Good luck!"
Truth: Owen, Noah, Cody, Sierra, Topher, Sadie, Brick, Lindsay, Alejandro, Devin, Carrie, Eva, DJ, Scarlett, Zoey, Harold, Shawn, Sammy, Jasmine, Jen, Geoff, Bridgette, and Beardo.
Lie: B, Ella, Emma, Justin, Ennui, Crimson, Heather, Taylor, Ryan, Miles, Laurie, Sam, Sugar, Sanders, MacArthur, Leshawna, Jo, Amy, Sky, Duncan, Tyler, Jacques, and Josee.
Exempt: Mike
Supervising: Dakota
Cliff Climbing
"So how do we do this, exactly?" Duncan asked.
"Well, I think Chris intends for this to be top roping, since that requires two people," Jasmine explained. "Whoever's on Truth will put on the harness and start climbing up. Their rope's on a pulley, so they'll need someone to keep the rope tight. Said person is on Lie. For example, you're with Jen, so she'll go up and you'll hold on to the other end of her rope."
"Oh!" Duncan nodded. "Sounds like it could mess up easily."
"And painfully," Ennui added monotonously. "It operates on a delicate balance of life and death. The ultimate trust exercise, if you will."
"Knowing Chris, there's gonna be more emphasis on the 'death' part of the equation," MacArthur grimaced, "and not just in this one."
"At least there are not any surprises in there, like rusty nails," Jacques commented.
"Or oil slicks," Carrie gulped.
"Or mild explosives!" Everyone looked at Lindsay. "What? Ever since Izzy left, someone's gotta pick up the slack!"
"Actually, Lindsay, Taylor's going to be picking up your slack," Scarlett smirked. Some of the campers laughed slightly at her deep joke, while the rest just stared at each other aimlessly.
"Do NOT mess us up," Taylor snarled in Lindsay's direction.
"O...kay then?"
It began, all twenty-four instances at the same time.
Owen and B had difficulties due to their mutual large sizes. Though B was steady on the ground, his arms weren't strong enough to lift Owen up very far and the Friendly Food Lover crashed onto the ground, resulting in a small fart of terror that melted the snow around his butt.
Noah and Ella had the same problem, only this time due to them both being very small. Ditto Cody and Emma.
Sierra was naturally quite athletic; years of running after her idols really paid off. As did Justin's bodybuilding. Ennui was taller than Topher by a good eight inches, so no surprises there.
Crimson was surprisingly strong for her size and lifted Sadie up no problem. Heather struggled to lift Brick, but to his credit he actively tried to make it easier on her by climbing harder. Thanks to his extensive training, he made it. Lindsay carefully clambered up the sheer face, nervous about getting on Taylor's bad side, but thankfully, she didn't mess up, so that never happened.
Ryan easily lifted Alejandro two-thirds of the way to the top. Miles struggled more with Devin, but he put in some good effort, as did Laurie with Carrie and Sam with Eva. Sugar, on the other hand, wasn't capable of hauling her much larger partner, and DJ ended up dangling off one side of the pulley twenty feet off the ground with Sugar hanging off the other side.
Sanders quickly pulled Scarlett up no problem. MacArthur stepped on an ice patch while hoisting Zoey and slipped, taking the Indie Chick with her. Leshawna, after getting Harold up, was quick to help them up too. They were both immensely grateful for the help.
Jo successfully got Shawn to the top; Amy did not succeed with her sister and blamed the latter for not trying hard enough. Sky wasn't successful either; when Chris questioned it, Sky retorted with "You try lifting someone literally twice your size." Duncan, on the other hand, was able to lift Jen no problem.
Tyler accidentally dropped Geoff. On himself. Jacques scoffed at this and decided to show off by lifting Bridgette to the top with only one hand. Josee did the same thing with Beardo. And "Mike"?
He dropped Dakota flat on her face.
"Well, that's done," Chris said.
"Uh, Chris? If both members get points, then how will we determine who loses?" Sierra asked.
"I have my ways," Chris grinned deviously.
Confessional – Sierra.
"I...don't think I want to know what those ways are," she remarked.
"Anyways, now it's time for Extreme Cooking. Do you guys know what fugu is?"
"Large pufferfish that are eaten in Japan as a delicacy," Harold said. "Incredibly poisonous to the point where you need to train for many years before you're allowed to serve them."
"Exactly! This was what your challenge was gonna be. But when Chef told me just what tetrodotoxin does to your body–"
Confessional – Chef.
"It blocks the voltage-gated sodium channel, preventing your nerves from firin' and eventually you suffocate t' death."
"–we changed it to a slightly safer version. Instead, I injected certain parts of these Chinook salmon with Carolina Reaper-based hot sauce. Truth will be doing this for Lie, so you guys won't be benefiting from Noah's spice immunity."
"Joy," Noah said flatly.
"However, you can benefit from his oversized brain. You will be provided with diagrams of where the sauce has been injected. You must clean your fish so that not a single smidgen remains."
"'Smidgen'?" Ryan snickered.
"Then you must prepare your fish! Whoever doesn't double over vomiting after eating it wins this challenge!"
Mess Hall
"How are Miles and Laurie holding up?" Devin asked as he made dotted lines around the injected areas of his salmon with a toothpick. "Because I know they had to, y'know, break their entire belief system a while back."
"They're fine. Laurie told me she's considering ditching that lifestyle altogether, said she only got into it because people told her it was a good idea."
"The problem is less that we're eating meat period and more that we're eating things that fart a lot," Noah remarked, pulling off his fish's head, grimacing as he did. "Think Owen's bad? Cows are a lot worse. They single-hoofedly contribute about as much to global warming as cars do, maybe more."
"So...if not cows, and probably most everything else, then what animals should we be eating?" Devin asked.
"Bugs. Higher in protein, lower in fat, and you can raise a lot more with a lot less food."
Carrie shuddered. "I'm...not sure I can handle that."
"Right, you hate worms or anything eruciform. Then go for grasshoppers, cicadas, and dragonflies, things that don't go through complete metamorphosis."
"Well, when you put it that way..."
Alejandro witnessed this entire scene and frowned.
Confessional – Alejandro.
"I hate to say it, but Sugar may be right."
Some time later
"Okay folks, let's see what you did!" Chris smirked. "We've got a wide variety here, from fish sticks to grilled fish, and even sushi!"
"If you get parasites from this, that's not my problem," Heather snarked as she handed her plate to Brick.
"So dig in, it's lunchtime!"
Most of the fish turned out to have been correctly cleaned. The ones that Sanders, Sky, Jacques, and "Mike" ate, however, weren't.
"And that's all for this part!" Chris said. "How will our three sightless scenes fare? Find out after these messages."
Do da do da doo. Commercial break!
Five-Larch Point
"And we're back!" Chris said to the audience. "For Blind William Tell, we're going to reverse things a little! Because knocking an apple off your head with an arrow while blindfolded would probably kill you if the archer's aim was off, we're knocking off an arrow with an apple!" He put one of those fake arrow-through-the-head things onto Owen's head. Then he gave B a slingshot, a yellow cloth for a blindfold, and a decently-sized Granny Smith. "You only get one chance at this, so make it count."
B put the apple in the slingshot and Ella tied the blindfold on for him. Thanks. He picked up the slingshot and cocked his head to the side, listening to the wind howl around Owen's body. He aimed, and fired, and the apple smacked the fake arrow off nice and smooth.
"Can I eat the apple?" Owen asked. "I hate wasting fruit."
"Sure, knock yourself out. You've won this part. Oh, and if the target moves, you're disqualified for the remaining two challenges. Next!"
Here's what happened, since the actions aren't generic for once:
Ella jittered as she loaded up her Cripps Pink, unwilling to hit her friend should she miss. When she fired, the apple lightly grazed the arrowhead, enough for the wind to pick it up and drop it to the ground. As soon as she removed her blindfold, Ella wept and apologized to Noah profusely as she hugged him, while he tried to pry her off to no avail.
Emma fired her Ginger Gold at Cody and missed the arrow, the apple instead speeding through the gap between his legs and slamming into the tree behind him. Cody nervously grabbed his crotch in relief.
Justin fired his Macoun at Sierra but aimed too high, and the apple ricocheted off the dormant red oak's branches. Regardless, it came down eventually, taking the arrow with it.
Ennui fired his Aldenham Purple at Topher. It hit the Reality TV Fan on the forehead, splitting in half, revealing its bright red flesh. Topher felt his forehead and, seeing the red juice on his mitten, promptly passed out. Ennui shot a dissatisfied glance at the camera.
Crimson missed the arrow on Sadie's head, the Bloody Ploughman landing in the snow next to the latter's ankles with a harmless, nearly silent thump. Sadie was sympathetic, claiming that "If it'd been me that apple would be doing what Justin's did but worse."
Heather fired her Baldwin at Brick. It took off the arrow forcefully. "[D word]!" Heather muttered. "I was hoping to get his kiwis."
Taylor fired her Golden Russet at Lindsay; it landed between the Scatterbrained Princess' breasts and disappeared. Despite the fact that said breasts were covered with two inches of hot pink parka. Taylor scratched her head in confusion.
Ryan fired his Spartan at Alejandro and the arrow was successfully knocked off.
The same was true for Miles and Devin, only instead of smacking the arrowhead like most of them did the Red Delicious hit the narrower fletching. "Does this count for bonus points?" Miles asked Chris.
"Nope!"
She grimaced at this. "Figures."
Laurie also successfully knocked off the arrow on Carrie's head with her apple, a Gala.
Sam was unsuccessful, his Fuji hitting Eva in the left shin. She grit her teeth in pain. "I know we're not supposed to move during this...but I wish that we, the target who can see where the stupid fruit is going, could at least move our feet if we needed to."
"I hear you," Sam agreed.
"I'm the best archer in the world!" Sugar cackled as she loaded her Arkansas Black into her slingshot. DJ gulped. Sugar aimed and fired the apple...straight into the air. Gravity took over and landed the apple right smack in her right eye with an audible CRACK! "OW!"
"No, you're not," Phil snarked as he trudged over, heating pad in hand. "You really aren't."
Due to her police training, Sanders was easily able to knock the arrow off Scarlett's head with her McIntosh.
As was MacArthur for Zoey with her Lowland Raspberry.
Leshawna missed Harold's arrow, the Allington Pippin grazing over his head. "If we were knocking off an apple with another apple, you would've made it," Harold mused.
"I guess. Do the breeds mean something?"
"The Allington Pippin is said to taste like pineapple, which you're allergic to," Chef explained.
"Oh! So if I eat this I'm not gonna get all anaphylactic?"
"I think not."
Leshawna picked up the apple, cleaned it off, and took a bite. "Wow...I'm not missin' much."
Jo fired her Foxwhelp at Shawn and hit the arrow successfully. "Welp," she shrugged.
Amy was about to pick up her apple when she realized that it wasn't actually an apple. "HEY! Chris, you dumb[f word]! That's not an apple! And as lame as Samey is I'm NOT gonna kill her with a friggin' manchineel to the face!"
"I was really hoping you were going to fall for that one," Chris grumbled, handing her a Northern Spy as Dudley shoveled up the ground the manchineel was on and took it away. Miles tied on her blindfold for her and Amy took aim, successfully removing the arrow.
"Wow, you...like me enough to keep me alive?" Sammy asked.
"I-I didn't..." Amy flushed as red as her coat and trudged off.
"Well hey, progress is progress," Sammy shrugged.
Sky fired her Bismarck at Jasmine. Because Jasmine was so much taller than Sky, the apple smacked her in the gut, causing her to double over with a pained "Oof!". Sky apologized immediately.
Duncan fired his Elstar at Jen, successfully removing the arrow.
Tyler's apple, an Empire, slipped from his hand. But he knew that had happened, so he quickly readjusted his slingshot to catch it and twang. As a result of being tilted back, the apple sailed into the air in a parabolic arc before knocking off the arrow fletching-first.
"Dude! You were awesome!" Geoff exclaimed.
"I was? Huh. Guess I'll find out when I go back home."
"Oh yeah, you couldn't see it." Geoff frowned at this. "Man, blindfolds are dumb."
"Yeah, I guess they kinda are."
"When in Rome," Jacques chuckled darkly, "do as the Romans do. Such as eating their apples!" He fired his Rome at Bridgette.
"Apples aren't even European!" Bridgette protested. The apple hit her in the cheekbone. "Owwww..."
Josee fired a Honeycrisp at Beardo. It landed in his hair. Beardo made a cartoon apple biting noise and Josee lifted her blindfold up, immediately dissatisfied. "Ever heard of a haircut?"
"Ever heard of it's my style so shut up?"
And lastly, "Mike" had a Cameo, the same apple that had eliminated Zeke. Being Mal, he didn't even try to knock the arrow off Dakota's head and simply fired the apple at her groin.
"Well, apples to apples and dust to dust, I suppose," Chris shrugged. "Feel free to keep the fruits, the glop Chef gives you ain't exactly high in fiber. Anyway, Blind Trapeze is our next segment!"
"That doesn't seem safe," Sammy said. "Even if it's only a little bit off the ground, we could be seriously injured if we fall off."
"Which is why I brought back the ball pit from the war challenge," Chris said. "Now, if you would please let me explain the challenge, that would be really nice."
"Go right ahead, we're all dying to know," Emma snarked.
"For Blind Trapeze, Truth will swing from a trapeze by their legs. Lie will be blindfolded and will stand on the other side and jump off. Truth has to catch them. Anyone who falls into the ball pit doesn't get the point. Since trapeze should only be done by professionals, we're going to do this one pair at a time."
Confessional – Sky.
"I've done a lot of gymnastics and stuff, but this is a level above me. Still, it'd be nice to try to see where exactly my limits are. The Drama Gym doesn't exactly have the right kind of training equipment."
As predicted, Sky fared a lot better than the others, accurately predicting where Jasmine's arms would be at the right moment to jump off. Tyler did surprisingly well too; Geoff caught him with ease and he didn't fall off.
Confessional – Tyler.
"I have freakishly strong fingers."
Owen caught B and proved to be much stronger than he looked. Otherwise, no one else actually caught their partner.
"For shame, kiddies," Chris sighed, shaking his head in disappointment. "For shame."
"Like you said, only professionals should do this stuff," Duncan grunted, rubbing his eyebrow in pain. "Ow..."
"See? Piercings are evil," Noah snarked.
"At least this wasn't done with freezing cold water and freshwater jellyfish," Justin commented. "That would suck for a wintertime challenge."
"I think a jellyfish would die in water this cold," Scarlett corrected him. "Do not quote me on this, for I have not tested it."
"Anyway, it's time for Blind Toboggan," Chris said. "Pretty straightforward: one person steers the other while the person in front is blindfolded. Whoever crashes before reaching the finish line doesn't count."
While everyone was getting set up, Mal was blindfolded and could only see white. But since he was focused on his other senses (namely, the feeling of Dakota's coat through his gloves and her hair in his face, oh god she badly needed a haircut. And a shower.), he didn't think to look with his mind's eye...
Mike's mind
"'This puzzle is an exercise in patience'," Mike read off the wooden sign. "'You must plant an okra and wait for it to fruit. A day here is an hour in real time. You cannot do anything until the plant fruits.'"
"Phylla always was good at waiting very long time," Svetlana sighed wistfully. "I miss my women friends."
"We all do, Svet," Vito grunted. "I ain't good at waitin', but if it saves lives, and it's gonna, then that's what we've gotta do. Chet, how long do we gotta wait?"
"An okra plant takes between fifty and seventy-five days to grow, so not until between challenges or the next one, whichever day the readers keep forgetting exists."
"Well, then let's wait." Vito dug a hole, dropped a tiny seed into it, covered it back up, and then they waited.
While they slid down the cliff, snow flew under Ryan's blindfold. "GAH!" he shrieked, momentarily moving his blindfold so he could get the snow out. Because one of his hands was preoccupied with his face, he swerved.
"No no no NO Ryan please get us back on track!" Alejandro shrieked, trying in vain to move the larger boy.
"What?" It was then that Ryan realized what was going on. "Oh crap. AAAAAAAAAAAAH!" They careened into a drift.
Once it was all over, it turned out only Jo and Shawn had managed to actually make it to the finish line. "Well well, looks like the braggart and the conspiracy theorist have made the final cut!" Chris exclaimed. "Nice job, you guys! Sadly, one of your teams is going to lose."
"Which one? We've all gotten the same number of points, haven't we?" Miles asked.
"Nope! Team Lie is gonna lose. Why? Because Ryan lifted his blindfold, and you aren't supposed to do that."
"I wasn't?" Ryan asked, confused. "I don't remember you sayin' that."
"It was implicit. Because Ryan bugged it up, you guys get one point less and Team Truth triumphs again! Meet me at the campfire at eight, Team Lie, someone's going home!"
Confessional – Ryan.
"Oh man. Chris just painted a big fat target on my back! I don't know what I did to make him mad, either." He sighed and wrote AMY on a piece of paper. "Hopefully the others are itching to get rid of Amy faster. Her recent actions today notwithstanding, she really needs to relax."
Confessional – Emma.
Emma let out a slight, guttural growl as she wrote DUNCAN on a piece of paper before speaking. "I swear, if Chris [f word]ing edits himself in saying that removing our blindfolds would cost us a point..." She calmed down. "No. I'm better than these base instincts. Still, Chris has to pay. Somehow."
Confessional – Heather.
"My semi-beau believes that Ryan may be on to him, and by extension me," Heather explained as she wrote RYAN on a piece of paper. "So we need to get him out. It'll be good in other ways, too. Devin will be broken and easier to control, Carrie will be broken and through her, we can control the Misfits." She cackled evilly.
Confessional – Taylor.
"Until Heather gets her fat butt off this show, I can't shine like I was meant to do." She wrote HEATHER on a piece of paper.
"Here's how we do eliminations," Chris said. "We use the marshmallow system here. When I call your name, come get one." Five of the marshmallows were colored something other than white. "The marshmallows are color-coded to show how many votes you got because drama doesn't lie. Well, it's created by lies most of the time, but you know what I mean. White means no votes against you, and the recipients are B, Ella, Emma, Justin, Ennui, Crimson, Taylor, Miles, Laurie, Sam, Sanders, MacArthur, Leshawna, Jo, Sky, Tyler, Jacques, and Josee." All of them got up and got their marshmallows.
"Blue means you received only one vote against you. But today, we don't have any of those." Chris pointed to the three green marshmallows that were sitting on the plate. "Green means you got more than one vote, but are still safe. Sugar and Amy, our eternal running gag springs eternal once again! And Heather, too. You all received a triple-threat triad of votes!"
"Please don't ruin one of my favorite shows," Amy grumbled. "You're doing it enough to my life."
"For once I agree with the crazy twin," Josee quipped.
Two colored marshmallows were left. "Orange means you're on the chopping block, but are safe. Red means you've outlasted your welcome. Duncan. Ryan."
Ryan gulped nervously. Duncan looked a little nervous for once.
"Duncan, you're a delinquent. Ryan, you're a tool. The number three hath strucketh again for eight against five...
...
...
...
...
"And Ryan has that five!" Duncan sighed in relief as he scrambled up to nab the orange one. "The Coalicion de los Hombres is now only sixty percent its original mass! It's not looking too good, Al might need to start screening for new chumps!"
"DON'T CALL ME AL!"
Confessional – DJ.
"How did he hear us from all the way over...wherever he was at the moment?"
"Who cares?" Chris asked as he walked in the snow, the camera following him. "All I know is that this is the final episode of 2017. So happy new year and we'll see you again in 2018! Thirty-eight down. Forty-six remain. Who's gonna keep ahead of the game and who'll be broken up? Find out on
"Total.
"Drama!"
He took a step and fell into the ball pit. Then Sasquatchanakwa came along and decided to jump in too, landing on Chris and thus pushing him further to the pit's cold, dark, smelly bottom.
Emma watched this from afar and shrugged nonchalantly. "Chris paid. Not what I had in mind, but I'll take it."
Votes:
B – Duncan
Ella – Didn't vote
Emma – Duncan
Justin – Ryan
Ennui – Ryan
Crimson – Ryan
Heather – Ryan
Taylor – Heather
Ryan – Amy
Miles – Sugar
Laurie – Sugar
Sam – Heather
Sanders – Duncan
MacArthur – Duncan
Leshawna – Heather
Jo – Ryan
Amy – Ryan
Sky – Sugar
Duncan – Amy
Tyler – Duncan
Jacques – Ryan
Ryan – Ryan
Results: 8-5-3-3-3 Ryan-Duncan-Amy-Sugar-Heather
Eliminated: Staci, Leonard, Tammy, Leshaniqua, Spud, Chet, Dakota (ii), Phil (r), Ellody, Rock, Rodney (t), Anne Maria, Mickey, Jazz (r), Max, Mary, Junior, Zeke (t), Beth, Brody, Scott, Lauren, Brady, Lorenzo (t), Katie, Trent, Kitty, Gwen, Dave, Courtney, Tom, Dawn (t), Izzy (r), Jay, Lightning, Stephanie, Cameron (nj), Ryan
Known active immunity idols: Josee (Crimson), Owen, Carrie, Tyler, Sammy, Lindsay, Devin, Eva, MacArthur, Ella, Beardo (Noah), Geoff (Geoff), Justin (Ella), Duncan (Alejandro)
Bonus clip:
A loud knock interrupted Dakota as she got ready for bed. "Come in," she said, setting down her hairbrush. Despite Chris not giving his interns a decent pay, Dakota had been a contestant beforehand, so per her contract she got paid a dollar for every second of screentime she had, letting her be a little more well-off than her coworkers, except maybe Phil.
Zoey scooted into Dakota's room and quickly locked the door behind her. "Dakota, I need to talk to you. It's very important."
"I know. Mal came back after Mike hit his head during the hamsterball challenge. We're working on a plan to expose him."
"Oh, so it's true?! ...Wait, 'we'?"
Dakota's swivel chair turned around dramatically, revealing Noah was in it. Owen, somehow having managed to hide his presence, flopped off the top bunk of the bed and landed on the floor with a thump!; since Chris was cheap, the interns and bad cabins got the same furniture. Scarlett and B exited the closet without any drama.
"We," Noah confirmed. "We see the signs too. And we're gonna do everything we can to get Mike back and off this island."
"How, though?"
Owen, surprisingly, chuckled deviously. "Wouldn't you like to know?"
"Uh...yes? I would?"
"Oh!" Owen went back into dork mode. "Right, of course. So here's what we're gonna do."