With fifty chapters out of the way, it's review time!
Starheart Specials: Thanks! I left the PnF fandom because 1) I matured out of it, 2) I felt like my writing was too angry and Susanna was becoming too sueish, and 3) the cast wanted to try other employment opportunities. But they'll be back! After all, the writers left WAY too many issues unaddressed...
Gucci Mane LaFlare: Thanks! When you live at the crossroads of multiple multiverses, it's only natural.
Knifez: Yes, but rigging things is completely in character for Chris, especially here given that he has a very particular agenda. Later chapters are a little more ambiguous as to who's going. Noah finding so many idols is a setup for something very big later on that will change a lot of things; Chris also didn't exactly tell the truth that he'd laid every idol out on the same day. The man wants certain people to stay to the Final Ten, after all. Also, Noah seeming Stuish is largely because his characterization in THD is what he'd be like if he actually used his 180-point IQ. He is flawed, though: he slacks off and he thinks he knows everything that's best for his friends. Note that he doesn't actually use the idols he gets, sans Dakota's.
Joel Connell: Thanks for catching that! It's fixed now, Cody has his own sentence. A country only gets one visit per Field Trip, although Hawaii used to be its own country before America basically kidnapped it so Chris might exploit that loophole. I believe Season Three will see the return of wholly outdoors challenges. I don't know what site you asked about, try spacing out the URL in your review because Fanfic is weird about links. The challenge is very different from the original canon's incarnation to highlight Chef's personality – strict and to-the-point, but fair.
Lara2244: Thanks! You'll see!
Great Idea Alert: Sir or ma'am, you live up to your name! "Hero to Zero" kinda was my version of Super Hero-Id, but I'll try to incorporate your ideas for Ocean's Eight or Nine and the Sand Witch Project in later chapters! Sam and Dakota are going to get closer in the next two seasons, plus they've been getting closer in the series already, either onscreen or offscreen. Remember, a LOT can happen when the cameras aren't rolling!
Friday, January 5, 2018
"Last time on Total Drama – Chef decided to host the show for a change! [Chris being hungover] Five unique challenges awaited the kids. He tested endurance [Lindsay ringing the bell], agility [Duncan and Alejandro dancing], intelligence [Josee reading her sentence], strength [Owen tripping over a hurdle], and how slippery a table covered in snow actually is! [Sanders falling] An attempt to expose Mal [Scarlett and Zoey going over their plan] didn't take into account quantum randomness. [Mal tiring after the second challenge] But Mike's other personalities are just about to reach the final gauntlet and take back their brain! Oh, and Mal kicked B out via an idol. [B's elimination]"
Chris hopped off a plane and walked into the VR building. "Today's our fortieth challenge. But will it be virtual reality or another piece of real reality?" He entered the main room and strapped one of the VR helmets on.
A flash of light, and the scene shifted to a flat, snow-covered land with a barbershop pole sticking out of the ground. Chris was now an Emperor penguin with his hair, stubble, and beady little black eyes. "Why not both? Forty-five contestants remain. What team will be cooler than cucumbers and whose plans for victory will be put on ice for good? Find out here on
"Total.
"Drama!"
Theme song
*Instrumental*
A camera appeared from a hole in the ice, scaring off an Adelie penguin. Another came from inside a snowdrift, startling a leopard seal. The third popped out of a volcano, then sunk back into it as it melted.
Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine
You guys are on my mind
The camera flew across the snowy island, passing Bridgette, Leshawna, and Geoff being chased by a massive horde of emperor penguins.
You asked me what I wanted to be
And now I think it's plain to see
Devin, turned into a pirate, looked through a telescope at a massive cache of gold. Unfortunately, an orca decided to eat his boat, sinking him.
I wanna be famous
Heather, Josee, and Taylor battled it out on a loosely-held-together table on a tropical island. The table broke, they fell, and a seagull that perched on top of them smirked at the camera as it waggled its behind.
*Instrumental*
Alejandro dropped a crab down MacArthur's pants. It pinched her and she panicked, her massive buttocks instinctively clamping together. White organs went everywhere. It looked...wrong, to say the least.
I want to live close to the sun
Well, pack your bags cause I've already won.
Zoey and Mal glared at each other, the sun refusing to set and burning their faces in the process.
Everything to prove nothing in my way
I'll get there one day
Brick leapt through various holes in foam walls, successfully making it out in one piece.
'Cuz I wanna be famous
Harold and Scarlett were doing quite well at a spelling competition. Sugar...not so much.
Na na nana na na nana nana na na na na na naaaaah
Noah and Sam were racing on something from Antarctica worth racing on. In other words, Cryolophosaurus.
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous
Emma presented Sammy with a Prize for Sticking It Out.
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous.
Owen placed a snowball into a paper cone and doused it in blue syrup, before happily licking his resulting snow cone.
*Whistling*
At the campfire, as the other campers I didn't have time to name looked on excitedly, Amy and Scott looked each other in the eyes...and Dakota and Phil dragged them both away, Scott because he'd already been eliminated and Amy because why the heck not?
Team E-Scope
"Okay everybody, B is gone, as you know," Noah began. "Mal is immune for the next four challenges. Any suggestions?"
"We could get his immunity revoked," Shawn said. "Not sure how well that'd work, though. Especially because we'd have to ask Chris to do it, and Chris...doesn't like us."
"THAT'S putting it lightly."
"Besides, Mal found the idol fair and square," Brick added. "So we couldn't get Chris to punish him even a little bit."
"Brick, since when has Mal done anything fair?" Emma asked, incredulous. "He cheated Izzy and Cameron out of the game early! And I'm pretty sure he messed up the challenge that got Stephanie eliminated, too."
"I understand that, and I'm not pardoning him for his nefarious actions. But this game has rules and we have to respect them."
"You're right, but maybe it's time we make our own rules."
"Not today, Emma!" Chris said cheerfully, sticking his head into the room they were using. "It's challenge time!"
Confessional – Beardo.
"Chris better not tell anyone what our meeting was about," Beardo frowned.
VR Room
"Uh, Chris? Why are all of our circles blank?" Heather asked. "Did you forget to print our teams?"
"Nope! You're gonna pick your teams for a change!" Chris explained. "As you don't know, today we're scheduled for both a field trip and a virtual trip. So instead of leaving one out, I combined them! First you're gonna do a VR challenge that will determine your teams for the Field Trip, which shall take you to somewhere in Canada where you've never been. I had to use the country we live in because going too far would take too long."
"So where's the other one going to?" Jen asked.
"Don't know, haven't decided. BUT the VR trip will take us to another land – the only place I'm legally not allowed to bring you to in real life. Once you're there, you'll race to the finish line. The first nine people to reach it will form our first team, ten through eighteen our second team, and so on and so forth. Good luck!"
An intern pressed a button once everyone had their helmets strapped on, and footage of a white wasteland appeared on the canvas screen...
"We're...penguins?!" Leshawna said. All of them were Gentoo penguins, each with different eye colors and feather morphologies to tell them apart.
"Yep!" Chris, in his penguin form, said. "Welcome to Antarctica! The only place I'm legally not allowed to bring you to in real life on account of it being cold enough to freeze ammonia!"
Confessional – Jasmine.
"Half the countries in the world are incredibly unsafe for foreigners and they aren't off-limits?!" Jasmine exclaimed in disbelief. The confessionals were held on a gray whale corpse. "Just what is that man thinking?!"
"And...we're racing to the South Pole, aren't we?" Jo asked.
"Indeed we are!"
"Figures."
"Anyway, time to get racing! And make it quick, we don't have all day to get to our other location."
"How long is the race?" Jacques asked.
"Only a thousand feet. But good luck pulling that off with a penguin waddle." Chris laughed and exited the game.
"Hey, I am a penguin. The king of the ice. I can manage this just fine," Jacques flopped onto his belly and began sliding, but didn't get very far.
"Yeah, I don't think that works with ground this flat," Bridgette remarked.
"You appear to be right," Jacques, for once, agreed.
The trek to the South Pole was filled mostly by silence. The Misfits, however, were not so quiet.
"So...is the South Pole like, gonna be some stripey thingy like it is in cartoons?" Lindsay asked.
"Well, there is such a pole in real life, and we are a cartoon, so I think you're right," Emma replied. "So once we see it, we try to move as fast as we can without tripping."
"And keep going," Sanders added. "I remember reading something about the actual South Pole having a different marker from the cartoony one, one that has to be constantly readjusted due to glacial drift."
"Really? Good thing you caught that," Eva remarked. "Looks like it's gonna be a longer walk after all." There was silence once again. "I hope the teams we get into are reasonable, at least."
Noah scoffed. "Don't we all?"
In the background, Mal watched them. "Is there something bothering you, my friend?" Alejandro asked, taking notice.
"No, nothing's wrong. It's just...cold," "Mike" laughed.
"Ah, of course. This is too far inland for a penguin, especially for a gentoo. If only we were swimming, for we are the fastest of all penguins."
"Yeah, that sounds like it'd be a lot more fun." The silence resumed, while the tension between them quietly boiled.
Confessional – Mal.
"I couldn't hear those twerps from as far away as I was, and the wind wasn't much help," Mal panicked. "But I swear that Team E-Scope's onto me. I mean, I got ELEVEN votes last night! Eleven! Where did they come from? Where did they go?"
"Where did they come from, cotton-eyed Joe?" snarked a brown skua who'd been feeding on the whale corpse.
"No one asked you." Mal turned to face the camera again. "And Alejandro can't possibly be falling for my schtick either. He's not as smart as Noah, 165 to Wodeyar's 180, but 165 is still extremely intelligent. And considering that he's got loads more experience manipulating people than Noah has..." He sighed. "This might be my last show, guys. Welp, it was fun while it lasted!" He made a derp face.
Confessional – Alejandro.
"My suspicions do not seem to be misplaced," Alejandro mused. "I will tell Duncan and Devin about this once I get a chance to." He paused. "Huh. Our initials spell out the word 'add'. Interesting, very interesting indeed."
Several virtual-world minutes later, a striped pole came into view. However, the Misfits, along with the Geeks, Scarlett, and Jasmine, wisely kept on walking, walking until they reached a sign, an American flag, and a metal stake in the ice.
Chris suddenly materialized into the virtual world. "Not bad! The Misfits remembered their geography!"
"Helps that I was in a penguin phase at some point in my childhood," Sanders shrugged.
"Noah, Emma, Ella, Beardo, Tyler, Lindsay, Carrie, Owen, and Shawn, you are Team Alpha!" They disappeared from the virtual world. "Brick, MacArthur, Sanders, Eva, Harold, Cody, Sam, Jasmine, and Scarlett, you are Team Beta!" They disappeared next. "Hurry it up, the rest of you, we need our next three teams!"
One chaotic scramble later, the remaining twenty-seven kids were piled in a dazed heap underneath the stake. Chris dealt the rest of the teams. "Jen, Leshawna, Justin, Jacques, Mike, Laurie, Duncan, Heather, and Geoff, you are Team Gamma! Topher, Amy, Sammy, Alejandro, Jo, Zoey, DJ, Sky, and Sierra, you are Team Delta! Everyone else who came here last, you are Team Epsilon!" With that, everyone disappeared from the virtual world.
Team Alpha: Noah, Emma, Ella, Beardo, Tyler, Lindsay, Carrie, Owen, and Shawn.
Team Beta: Brick, MacArthur, Sanders, Eva, Harold, Cody, Sam, Jasmine, and Scarlett.
Team Gamma: Jen, Leshawna, Justin, Jacques, Mike, Laurie, Duncan, Heather, and Geoff.
Team Delta: Topher, Amy, Sammy, Alejandro, Jo, Zoey, DJ, Sky, and Sierra.
Team Epsilon: Sugar, Josee, Miles, Devin, Bridgette, Sadie, Taylor, Ennui, and Crimson.
"And now to our second part, where the REAL fun begins!" Chris declared back in the real world.
"And lunch, hopefully," Owen said. "I'm starving!"
"Yes, yes, you're getting lunch," Chris said, rolling his eyes.
"How do you kids feel about reheated last night's spaghetti?" Chef asked. "'Cuz I've got a surplus that's gotta go soon." The kids felt that was reasonable.
Confessional – DJ.
"Wow, Chef's not trying to make gross food anymore!" DJ mused. "He must be warming up to us! Well, only a little bit, but still!"
Some time later
"Greater Sudbury, Ontario, Canada. The fifth-largest city in Canada and the largest in Ontario by area, an area which is about 130% that of Delaware!" Chris announced as the campers got off the planes and entered an auditorium. On the stage were five podiums. "Why, my friends, did I choose this of all places? Why, my friends, is this otherwise obscure city worth my valuable time?"
"First of all, we're not your friends," Jo said flatly.
"Harsh, dudette. Harsh."
"Second of all, was some celebrity born here or something?"
"You are correct! A celebrity was born here! But who, exactly? Might have to think for this one!"
"'Think'," Harold mused. "Oh!" A lightbulb materialized over his head. Then said bulb fell on his head. "Gosh! Stupid overdone gag. Isn't Greater Sudbury Alex Trebek's hometown?"
"Indeedy-do! This is our second challenge for today. I've compiled a list of several Jeopardy! questions that no one got right and I'm gonna challenge you to answer them yourselves!"
Confessional – Dudley.
"THAT must be why Chris is so cheap! He was saving up to get enough money to buy rights to Jeopardy! questions."
Confessional – Chef.
"As someone who's used to handlin' Chris' money, he's been cheap since way before he created this show."
"Here's how this will work. One person from each team will step up to the podiums." Brief pan to the podiums, then back over to Chris. "I will ask that person, in Greco-alphabetical order of teams, one question, and standard Jeopardy! answering procedure. If they get it right, they get the points. If they don't, they lose the points they had originally. No one gets to steal questions because we don't have the time to do that. We will rotate people out in alphabetical order every time someone gets a question wrong. Whichever team has the most questions answered correctly and therefore the most points by the time I run out of things to ask wins the game! And we all know what happens to the loser."
Mal nodded darkly.
Mike's mind
"Okay, everybody! This is it! The very last puzzle!" Mike announced. Behind the massive gates was a tall, jagged tower whose spire crackled with blood red lightning.
"So howda we open da gates?" Vito asked.
"This must be Ruqa's challenge," Manitoba remarked. "Ah, I miss that woman. Still kinda weird that I basically fell in love with myself, innit?"
"Yeah, kind of," Mike agreed. He located the final instruction on the wall. "'To open these gates, you must perform the Five-Man Flip, which will launch one of you over the gate and activate it. However, activating the gate will squash whoever opens it. Are you willing to make that sacrifice?'"
"Sadistic choice," Svetlana gulped. "Really is Ruqa's kind of challenge."
"Luckily, clones are expendable," Mike replied. "Harold, I'm gonna need your Mad Skillz." He summoned a copy of Harold colored in Mike's colors. "You guys go figure out how to launch Harold, I need to prepare for Mal's defeat. And I think I know just how I'm gonna do it." His other selves grinned deviously on hearing this.
Back in the real world, Beardo, Brick, Duncan, Alejandro, and Bridgette took their spots at their respective podiums. Alpha's was fiery red, Beta's was dark blue-green, Gamma's was light yellow-orange, Delta's was carnation pink, and Epsilon's was light gray.
"Well!" Chris smirked. "What am I gonna ask? Find out after these messages."
Confessional – Alex Trebek.
"I do not endorse that man."
"...not the kind of message that I was hoping for."
Do da do da doo. Commercial break!
"And we're back!" Chris announced to the audience. "It's challenge time and Beardo's got our first question. If you get this right, you will get 400 points." Chris pressed a button on his remote and a projector screen came down from the ceiling, opposite the stage and bearing the question that Chris proceeded to read. "'A 2016 interview with this Batman actor found him looking sad; the internet then made him the meme we deserve.'"
"Who is Ben Affleck?" Beardo guessed.
"Correct!" Beardo breathed a sigh of relief. Chris clicked the next question onto the screen. "Brick, 600 points. 'A common sight was walking around Monet who worked outdoors, as in a cliff walk in this Channel-side French region.'"
"...I couldn't understand that question's grammar, but what is Normandy?"
"Correct! Duncan, 600 points. 'Modern auto safety took a big step in '66 as LBJ signed bills mandating seat belts & rupture-resistant these.'"
"What are air bags?"
"WRONG! Fuel tanks." Duncan growled to himself. His score turned red. "Alejandro, 1200 points. 'At the Montreux Jazz Festival, you might see smoke on the water of this Swiss lake's shoreline.'"
"What is Lake Geneva?"
"Correct! Bridgette, 3000 points. 'Constitution Day is September 17; this related set is celebrated every December 15.'"
"What's the Bill of Rights?"
"Correct! Round one is over! Carrie, Cody, Geoff, Amy, and Crimson, you're up!"
ROUND ONE RESULTS:
Alpha: 400
Beta: 600
Gamma: –600
Delta: 1200
Epsilon: 3000
"What's with the uneven wagers?" Carrie asked.
"I pulled them off various lists online, even though most of these questions haven't actually been asked until next year."
"...then how do you have them?"
"The magic of cartoons, that's how! Also our writer's too lazy to check the dates." A tin can launched by a tail strike from the audience box off-set hit Chris on the back of his head. "OW!" The contestants laughed at his misfortune. "Anyway! Carrie, 400 points. 'On July 21, 1861 the Union attacked the Confederates near a stone bridge crossing this creek in the first battle of it.'"
"What's...the First Battle of Bull Run?"
"Correct! Cody, 1000 points. The portal vein brings venous blood to the liver, while this artery brings oxygenated arterial blood.'"
"What's the hepatic artery?"
"Correct! Geoff, 200 points. 'Stove placement of lower priority items.'"
"Uh...what?"
"WRONG! The back burner is where you put those."
"What kind of question is that?" Amy asked, incredulous.
"The best kind: tricky! Speaking of Amy, yours is worth 1000 points. 'In 1965 John Irving entered this Midwest school's prestigious writers workshop & worked with Kurt Vonnegut.'"
"Uh...Nebraska?"
"WRONG! Iowa."
"Aren't they all like the same state though?"
Chris ignored her. "Crimson! 1200 points. 'This train sung of by blues artists got its name from its 12:05 A.M. departure en route to Parchman Penitentiary.'"
"What was the Midnight Special?" she asked flatly.
"Correct! Round two is over! Ella, Eva, Heather, DJ, and Devin, you're up!"
Confessional – Amy.
"Figures that the goth gets the one about prison right," Amy muttered.
ROUND TWO RESULTS:
Alpha: 800
Beta: 1600
Gamma: –800
Delta: 200
Epsilon: 4200
"Ella, 1800 points. 'It's the only country that borders both the Caspian Sea and the Persian Gulf.'"
"What is Iran?"
"Correct! Eva, 600 points. 'In 1937 his sister said he had 'hats of every description,' which he would use as a 'foundation of his next book.''"
"Who's Doctor Seuss?"
"Correct! Heather, 500 points. 'He came to power 34 days before FDR and left it 19 days after him.'"
"Who was Hitler?"
"Correct! DJ, 3000 points. 'Both making news in June, these 2 Davids with similar last names are LeBron's new coach and Eric Cantor's conqueror.'"
"I...don't know."
"WRONG! Davids Blatt and Brat. Devin, 6400 points. 'A 2012 poll by Britain's national army museum voted this man, born in 1732, as the nation's greatest military enemy.'"
"Uh...George Washington?"
"Correct! Round three is over! Emma, Harold, Jacques, Jo, and Ennui, you're up!"
ROUND THREE RESULTS:
Alpha: 2600
Beta: 2200
Gamma: –300
Delta: –2800
Epsilon: 10600
Mike's mind
The flip was performed as required, and the Harold clone exploded into smoke when the gate fell on top of him. "Awright! We got it!" Manitoba cheered. "Hey, Mike, there y'are. You figure it out?"
"I did indeed," Mike grinned.
Back in the real world, Chris continued. "Emma, 2000 points. 'He was featured on the September 22, 1947 cover of Time with the caption 'He and the boss took a chance.''"
"Who was Jackie Robinson?"
"Correct! Harold, 4000 points. 'Subtract a letter from the name of a keystroke found in computer commands and you get this violent reaction to social change.'"
"What is backlash from backslash?" he guessed.
"Correct! Jacques, 4800 points. 'This country's coat of arms features a palm tree and a 19th century American sailing ship.'"
"I...do not know."
"WRONG! Liberia." Jacques grimaced. "Jo, 8300 points. 'A popular product was born when Jean Naigeon of this city substituted the juice of unripe grapes for vinegar.'"
"What's dijon mustard?"
"Correct, and you are no longer in the red! Ennui, 600 points. 'Although she has appeared in only 2 Broadway musicals, she got Tony nominations for both, for 1962 and 1964.'"
"Who is Barbra Streisand?" Ennui drolled.
"Correct! Round four is over! Lindsay, Jasmine, Jen, Samey, and Josee, you're up in our middle, all-girl round of fun!"
Confessional – Jasmine.
"'Chris' and 'fun' don't belong in the same sentence," Jasmine said, doing air quotes when necessary.
ROUND FOUR RESULTS:
Alpha: 4600
Beta: 6200
Gamma: –5100
Delta: 5500
Epsilon: 11200
"Lindsay, 1800 points. 'This machine was invented in 1929; the government began buying them to help prevent any more in a series of Army Air Corps fatalities.'"
"What's the airbag?"
"WRONG! The flight simulator. Jasmine, 1600 points. 'On August 15, 1994, 59 years and 1 day after FDR signed the original act, Bill Clinton made this an independent agency.'"
"What's the Social Security Administration?"
"Correct! Jen, 2800 points. 'The title subject of a 2007 bestseller, it was discovered in Australia where today it's a state emblem.'"
"What's a black swan?"
"We'll accept that! Samey, 4000 points. 'This Brit is the only actor to get Oscar nominations for playing two real-life U.S. Presidents, both for 1990s films.'"
"Who's Anthony Hopkins?" Sammy guessed.
"Correct! Josee, 6600 points. 'A Christian hymn and a Jewish holiday hymn are both titled this, also the name of a 2009 Tony-nominated musical.'"
"What is Rock of Ages?"
"Correct!"
"Ah thought it were '[K word]y Boots,'" Sugar said, confused.
"That's...no, why would you even think that?!" Josee asked, bewildered.
"Round five is over! Noah, MacArthur, Justin, Sierra, and Miles, you're up!"
ROUND FIVE RESULTS:
Alpha: 2800
Beta: 7800
Gamma: –2300
Delta: 9500
Epsilon: 17800
"Noah, 200 points. 'Sink it and you've scratched.'"
"The cue ball."
"Correct! MacArthur, 200 points. 'Aztek and Grand Prix.' Who made them?"
"Easy!" MacArthur scoffed. "Pontiac! I know my cars, trust me."
"Alright then! Justin, 200 points. 'Usually roasted, squab is a young one of these birds.'"
"What's a pigeon?"
"Correct! Sierra, 200 points. 'This Star Wars movie, Episode III, leads up to where the original movie began.'"
"What's Revenge of the Sith?"
"Correct! Miles, 200 points. 'New Orleans bartender Henry Ramos invented the Ramos Fizz, made with cream, egg whites, lime juice, and this liquor.'"
"I'm underage, why would I know about alcohol?" Miles asked, perturbed.
"WRONG! The booze you lose to is gin. Round six is over! Owen, Sam, Laurie, Sky, and Sadie, you're up!"
ROUND SIX RESULTS:
Alpha: 3000
Beta: 8000
Gamma: –2100
Delta: 9700
Epsilon: 17600
"Owen, 2000 points. 'Madame Medusa and a pair of crocodiles torment the title mice in this Disney classic.'"
"What's 'The Rescuers'?"
"Correct! Sam, 2000 points. 'To this Dutch dependency that's the southern third of a Caribbean island, yes; it gets a 'double-A' rating.'"
"What's Saint Maarten?"
"Correct! Laurie, 600 points. 'Chateau Gaillard overlooks the Seine, but it was built by this leonine ruler who lost it to the French in 1204.'"
"Who was Richard the Lionheart?"
"Correct! Sky, 1600 points. 'Bell co-invented what's said to be the first of these devices, testing it on Civil War vets with bullets still in their bodies.'"
"What's a metal detector?"
"Correct! Sadie, 1000 points. 'From the Latin word for rainbow, the colorful lining of an abalone shell is described by this adjective.'"
"What's iridescent?"
"Correct! Round seven is over! Shawn, Sanders, Leshawna, Topher, and Sugar, you're up!"
ROUND SEVEN RESULTS:
Alpha: 5000
Beta: 10000
Gamma: –1500
Delta: 11300
Epsilon: 18600
"Shawn, 600 points. Name the state that 'The Rapid City Journal' comes from."
"Uh...crap, I don't know...Washington?"
"WRONG! South Dakota. Sanders, 600 points. 'Within linguistics, this -ics is the study of meaning.'"
"What are semantics?"
"Correct! Leshawna, 200 points. 'Named for the famous brothers and a WW1-era pilot, Wright-Patterson AFB is just east of this Ohio aviation city.'"
"What is...Dayton?"
"Correct! Topher, 800 points. 'The beginning of this Michener collection mentions the 'coconut palms nodding gracefully'.'"
"What's...I don't know, man."
"WRONG! Tales from the South Pacific. Sugar, 1600 points. 'Ben Franklin designed a chair with a built-in stepladder to be used in this room of his house.'"
"What's a mancave?"
"WRONG! Library."
"Who in tarnation has a liberry inside their house?"
"Someone who was born WAY before television was invented! Round eight is over! Tyler, Scarlett, Mike, Zoey, and Taylor, you're up in our final round!"
ROUND EIGHT RESULTS:
Alpha: 4400
Beta: 16000
Gamma: –1300
Delta: 10500
Epsilon: 17000
"Tyler, 1600 points. 'Don Henley hit #5 with this song whose title he got from a book about the Brooklyn Dodgers.'"
"Ooh, I know this one! What's 'The Boys of Summer'?"
"Correct! Scarlett, 600 points. 'To combat fuel shortages, Congress enacted this for almost ten months in 1974, from January to October.'"
"What is the pointlessness known as Daylight Savings Time?"
"Correct! Mike, 1000 points. 'Tecumseh was a member of this Native American tribe of the Ohio Valley.'"
Mal was about to answer but suddenly shuddered before gasping. "Who are the Shawnee?" Mike, the real Mike for the first time in over a month, asked.
"Correct! And...wait a minute! Mike, is that really you?"
"Yep!" He gasped again and passed out.
Mike's mind
Mal broke free from the hold of the other personalities holding him back so Mike could take control. "MIKE! I'm gonna KILL YOU and KILL YOU AGAIN! I will NOT rest until THE WORLD IS MY SLAVE!"
"Sorry mate, can't let ya do that," Manitoba replied. "You've been mucking us up for too long."
"Yeah!" Chester agreed. "You killed some of our best mental friends and have been driving away our real ones!"
"I don't NEED friends!" Mal snapped as he lunged at his primary.
"Yes, you DO!" Mike replied, sidestepping him, causing Mal to land hard on his face. "I only got this far because of my friends. And you're trying to hurt them! Mal, we gave you a chance to redeem yourself all those years ago."
"And ya [f word]in' wasted it," Vito said. "So we gots no choice but to get ridda ya."
"HOW?! Only I can kill other personalities!"
"Yeah, but you should've paid way more attention to where your birth neuron is!" Mike retorted. He pressed a button in Mal's tower. The tower was the physical manifestation of Mike's central nervous system control, and the birth neuron was the original cell that fired in a way different from the body's original personality pattern.
Normally, the button Mike pressed would've made him scratch his ear, but he'd done a little bit of rewiring. Now Mal's birth neuron was overloaded with electrical impulses, far more than a single cell could handle.
As the pulses built up, Mike and Mal fought, in an epic battle you'd have to see in order to believe. But, eventually, the impulses hit and Mal's birth neuron was baked into oblivion. With a cry of anguish, Mal bubbled and boiled, until he was nothing more than a stain on the floor.
"I should...fix up our nerves, probably," Svetlana commented. "We do not want annoying pain in head for rest of time."
"Yeah, I need to be here. Thanks, Svet. Thanks all of you. We've done it," Mike said, panting heavily.
Mike woke up in the real world. "Ow...what happened?"
"Are you okay, man?" Geoff asked. "You're not the...evil you?"
"Never again. And Chris?"
"What?" Chris asked.
"I'd like to...quit the game. Mal cheated a lot of people out of a fair chance at the win, and...I think other people deserve to win more than I do at this point. So I think I'd like to go back home."
Chris shrugged. "Hey, with a score of minus three hundred, your team was gonna lose anyway. So Gamma automatically loses and will send someone to Boney Island! Anyway, Zoey, 1200 points. 'Hey, Bobby – from the habits they once wore, a Franciscan order of Britain and Ireland is known as this color friars.'"
"What is...purple?"
"WRONG! Gray. Taylor, 400 points. 'On Seinfield, Jerry is compelled to wear one of these after an encounter with a 'low talker'."
"No one watches that piece of crap!"
"WRONG! The puffy shirt. Looks like Beta and Epsilon are tied! Dakota, Phil, you're up for the tiebreaker!" The ex-contestants took their spots. "1600 points. 'Its alias is turnip cabbage.' Phil?"
"I dunno," Phil grimaced.
"WRONG! Dakota?"
"What is kohlrabi?" Dakota asked. "I remember eating that at one of Daddy's business parties..."
"Well, your memory served you as correctly as the waiters! With eighteen thousand two hundred points, Team Beta wins! Their prize? A trip to the Toronto Zoo! Since it's winter, you'll have less competition from snot-nosed toddlers.
"Epsilon with ten k points, Delta with ninety-three hundred points, and Alpha with five k points, you guys are the runners-up! Your prize? Fried warty squid, clam chowder, carrageen salad, and the algae chickens are back!
"Gamma, you lost. Meet me at the campfire at eight, Team Gamma, we need to exile someone!"
"Wait, what about Mike's immunity?" Harold asked.
"Oh, yeah!" Mike remembered. "Since you're the one that asked, Harold, you can have it!"
"Really? Gosh! Thanks a bunch! I won't let you down!" the Dweeb promised.
FINAL RESULTS:
Alpha: 5000
Beta: 18200
Gamma: –300
Delta: 9300
Epsilon: 10000
WINNER: Beta
RUNNER-UPS: Alpha, Delta, Epsilon
LOSER: Gamma
Confessional – Leshawna.
"I can't BELIEVE Chris! He didn't tell us that someone was tryna' hurt us?" Leshawna growled, shaking her head in disappointment. She wrote DUNCAN on a piece of paper.
Confessional – Duncan.
"I don't trust Leshawna. I'm positive that she's got a deal with Harold and some of the other chumps." Duncan scoffed as he wrote LESHAWNA on a piece of paper. "Who even likes nerds?"
Confessional – Heather.
"I'm just glad I don't have to eat those disgusting algae chickens again," Heather gagged as she wrote GEOFF on a piece of paper.
Confessional – Laurie.
"I think someone needs to learn true suffering." She wrote JACQUES on a piece of paper.
"Here's how we do eliminations," Chris said, back on the island with the planes in the background. "We use the marshmallow system here. When I call your name, come get one." Five of the eight marshmallows were colored. "The marshmallows are color-coded to show how many votes you got because drama isn't a trivial matter. White means no votes against you, and the recipients are Jen, Heather, and Justin." The three of them got their marshmallows.
Next, Chris pointed to the three blue marshmallows on the plate. "Blue means you received only one vote against you, and this marks the first time an exiling elimination features them. After all, this time we've got more than just two people with votes. Leshawna and Geoff, you have your first votes against you. Laurie, I believe this is your third such vote."
"Wow, when was the last time anyone voted for me?" Laurie asked in disbelief.
Close shot of the two remaining marshmallows. "Yellow means you were almost voted onto Boney Island. Black means you definitely were. Jacques. Duncan."
The boys looked at each other, apprehensive.
"Jacques, you're evil. Duncan, so are you, but slightly less so. With only a vote less...
...
...
...
...
"Duncan stays here."
Jacques grimaced. "I will end whoever did this to me," he swore.
Confessional – Geoff.
Geoff gulped nervously. "I'm so screwed."
"Probably," Chris shrugged. "And oh how fun that will be! Forty down. Forty-four remain. Who'll be frostbitten out of here and who'll enter our tournament of champions? Find out on
"Total.
"Drama!"
Suddenly, something green and slimy hit him in the face, causing him to scream in horror. In the background, Jo and Topher high-fived, having chucked a lump of algae and chicken fat at him for not letting them know about Mal.
Votes:
Mike – Couldn't vote
Jen – Jacques
Leshawna – Duncan
Justin – Duncan
Jacques – Laurie
Laurie – Jacques
Duncan – Leshawna
Heather – Geoff
Geoff – Jacques
Results: 3-2-1-1-1 Jacques-Duncan-Leshawna-Laurie-Geoff
Eliminated: Staci, Leonard, Tammy, Leshaniqua, Spud, Chet, Dakota (ii), Phil (r), Ellody, Rock, Rodney (t), Anne Maria, Mickey, Jazz (r), Max, Mary, Junior, Zeke (t), Beth, Brody, Scott, Lauren, Brady, Lorenzo (t), Katie, Trent, Kitty, Gwen, Dave, Courtney, Tom, Dawn (t), Izzy (r), Jay, Lightning, Stephanie, Cameron (nj), Ryan, B (ii), Mike (q)
Known active immunity idols: Josee (Crimson), Owen, Carrie, Tyler, Sammy, Lindsay, Devin, Eva, MacArthur, Ella, Beardo (Noah), Geoff (Geoff), Justin (Ella), Duncan (Alejandro)
Future eliminations immunized against: Harold (3)
Bonus clip:
Back in the virtual world, a camera was left running at the confessional location. Suddenly, four male Adelie penguins backflipped onto the whale corpse. "Skipper's log!" began one of them, whose head was noticeably flat. "We have made it back to our homeland. Antarctica. The kind of name that rolls off our freaky-looking spine-covered tongues. Kowalski, analysis."
"'Artic' is derived from the Greek word for 'bear' as they believed the northernmost constellations resembled oddly long-tailed bears," the tall and thin one said. "'Antarctic' means 'opposite the Arctic', so therefore this continent is against bears."
Skipper faceflippered. "Not that! I was asking for an analysis of the gigantic dead body that we're standing on!"
"Oh," Kowalski said, his face visibly draining through his feathers. "Well...we don't know how she got beached. Was her electromagnetic sense confused? Was it a dare from her pod gone horribly wrong? Was it suicide? We will never know. What we do know is that it clearly happened a long time ago, long enough so that I can get a good sense of the condition of her adrenal glands as they were upon death."
"I think I'm gonna be sick," the shortest and plumpest one said, trying hard not to retch. "Poor girl..."
"Yeah, I think so too, Private," Skipper agreed. "Welp, time to head back home, as soon as we figure out what Rico's freaking out about that is. What is it, boy?" The last penguin, a scar on his face and his head feathers messy, had been wildly gesticulating at the camera, and finally gave up and coughed up a large foam hand with an extended index finger to point at it more obviously.
Skipper paled. "Blowhole! He's onto us! Abort mission, abort, abort, ABORT!" The penguins disappeared offscreen as quickly as they'd come onscreen.
Watching the whole spectacle, the skua groaned. "Lousy rotten good-for-nothing New Yorkers always sticking their beaks where they don't belong," he muttered to himself before resuming eating.