Review time!
Concerned Review: Hand pain, plus I needed some time to research some things. Those who ate the Ninth Course will be fine since the radiation in the parts of the tree octopus eaten were negligible (although they would've been worse off if they ate its brains, though, and yes I do mean brains plural).
Joel Connell: Thanks! Mike and Zoey's relationship will grow a little more after she's eliminated herself further down the road. Chris throws out the footage of most of said scenes, so unfortunately there won't be too much material for us to see regarding that. I don't hint at the next chapter's challenge because I don't decide what's getting adapted next until the one I just finished gets published. And regarding the 300k mark, that's gonna happen next chapter! The penguins wanted a jab at a crossover because their movie wasn't up to their par, so I obliged.
Monday, January 8, 2018
"Last time on Total Drama – two challenges for the pain of one! [Jacques as a penguin] Okay, so it wasn't really as painful as our usual challenges, the kids need a break every once in a while. [Chris explaining the Jeopardy! portion of the day's challenge] For their bodies, that is! [Chris declaring Miles' answer was wrong] After choosing our teams at the bottom of the world [the tangled heap at the South Pole], we exercised our brain muscles! [Heather getting her answer right] And Mike exercised his willpower to get rid of Mal for good! [Mal dying] Still don't know how we saw the inside of his mind. However, Mal's actions left an indelible mark on his reputation, so Mike eliminated himself before his teammates could do it for him. [Mike's elimination]"
Chris stood at the Dock of Shame. "Forty-four contestants remain. What team will be cooler than cucumbers and whose plans for victory will be put on ice for good? Find out here on
"Total.
"Drama!"
Theme song
*Instrumental*
A camera appeared from the snow-covered bushes, scaring off a squirrel. Another came from a tree, startling a blue jay. The third popped out of the ground, hitting a passing Harold in the groin. Jacques laughed at him, but stopped when he saw Leshawna glaring at him.
Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine
You guys are on my mind
The camera flew across the snowy island, passing Chris getting pampered by a disgusted Phil, Jo and Eva arm-wrestling, Dave attempting to flirt with Sky, Trent performing a song in front of an approving Ella, Crimson and Ennui staring blankly into space, and Jasmine fighting a mutated anglerfish.
You asked me what I wanted to be
And now I think it's plain to see
DJ, Miles, and Laurie were one with the few animals still awake during winter. Then Dawn showed up. DJ invited her to join them, while the Vegans glared at her.
I wanna be famous
Heather, Josee, and Taylor battled it out on the frozen lake in a game of hockey. Josee knocked the puck so hard it went flying right into one of B's inventions on the other side of the lake. Bridgette and Geoff watched, then the latter pulled out a card reading "7.5".
*Instrumental*
Owen trudged across the ice covering the river, which quickly broke under his weight. He jumped out of the water shivering. From afar, Sasquatchanakwa rolled his eyes as if to say "lightweight". Then Izzy appeared behind him and knocked him to the ground, before pulling out a camera and taking a picture of her catch.
I want to live close to the sun
Well, pack your bags cause I've already won.
Mike looked into a mirror and smiled at what he saw. His reflection included those of his alternate personalities, who were happily admiring their looks. Then an emo version of Mike, with his hair flipped over his face, suddenly appeared in the back, frightening everyone.
Everything to prove nothing in my way
I'll get there one day
Chef roasted the remains of a mutated rat in the cafeteria over the stove in front of the campers. Ryan and Stephanie looked at each other, then back at Chef with their game faces on. Behind them, Tyler, Lindsay, Zoey, Cameron, Sam, and Lightning mingled.
'Cuz I wanna be famous
Amy attempted to tackle Sammy, but Cody appeared and shoved her aside, before pulling Sammy into a hug. Behind them, Sierra cursed to herself.
Na na nana na na nana nana na na na na na naaaaah
Courtney, Duncan, and Gwen watched Sugar engage in a slap-fight with MacArthur to Sanders' disapproval. Courtney was holding Duncan's hand, but the latter was secretly checking out Gwen.
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous
Carrie and Devin sat together in the Climate Hall, the one warm part of the island left, when it suddenly began raining, and then the door opened, causing both to get very cold. It turned out Alejandro had been responsible. He grinned evilly at the camera. But he didn't notice Brick spying on him. Brick's eyes narrowed.
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous.
Topher chatted with Dakota, who was busy with intern work. Behind them, Scarlett breathed a sigh of relief as she looked behind the good cabin. Because of the colder weather, the lustblossoms were dormant.
*Whistling*
At the campfire, as the other campers I didn't have time to name looked on excitedly, Noah and Emma looked each other in the eyes...and then Justin interrupted the moment by appearing between them. They gave him immediate death glares, causing him to run off. The couple looked back at the camera with raised eyebrows.
Mess Hall
"Hey everybody!" Owen exclaimed, getting everyone else's attention. "Burrito contest!"
"Burrito contest?" Jasmine asked. "You okay, mate?"
"Yeah! I was thinking that we really need to lie back and relax. So I thought this might help us take our minds off of what happened last challenge!"
Jasmine considered this. "I'm down. What're the rules?"
"Make a burrito using a tortilla [he pulled out a tortilla], Chef's brown slop [he dumped his tray's contents into the middle of the tortilla], and any other ingredients to make it look like you!" He finished by folding the burrito into a roughly round shape, then sprinkled some cheese on one side, put two black peppercorns beneath the patch, and doodled a teal maple leaf in the center of the circular burrito using powdered sugar.
"Righteous, dude!" Geoff exclaimed. "But like, how do we know who won?"
"The most realistic burrito will win! And don't worry, I'm not gonna eat them. Only my burrito gets my approval!" Owen declared.
Confessional – Owen.
"Because I'm the only person who I know where their hands have been." He paused. "Was that grammar correct or was it not? I'm confused."
Confessional – Ennui.
"Owen is right," Ennui said emotionlessly. "What Mal could have done...it is a terrifying prospect to think about, someone with the sheer freedom to get away with seriously injuring us. Mike was brave in leaving the game, for who knows what might hurt him had he decided to stay?" He shook his head solemnly.
Some time later
"Annnnnd..." Owen did his final round of inspection. "Justin is the winner!" Justin's burrito, while ugly, did include even the tiniest details of his body.
"Hey, a model knows every square inch of himself," Justin shrugged.
Chef walked into the room, dressed centuries out of date, and blasted a vuvuzela. "Maggots, King Chris demands you go to his court in the Drama Theater. Might wanna hustle breakfast."
"Why does Chris choose the absolute worst times for challenges?" Bridgette grumbled, taking a bite out of her burrito.
"That's a rhetorical question, so therefore you should already know the answer to that," Scarlett quipped.
Crafts/Drama Theater
"Come one, come all, to the Ugly Bug Ball!" Chris declared. He was wearing a stereotypical knight's helmet. "Break into your original seven teams and I'll explain today's challenge!"
"It's medieval, isn't it?" Eva grunted as she plodded over to the rest of the Green Gators.
"Correct you are! Sorta. It's a very specific kind of medieval. Something...supernatural."
"Fairytale?" Devin guessed.
"And there we go!" Chris smirked. "Since winter is the season in which weird crap happens, I thought January would be perfect for this one!" The campers groaned. "What? Too old for this? Ella isn't." Ella was shocked by this remark.
"Not what we're complaining about, dude," Noah snarked.
"Anyway, we're gonna have one girl on each team be your princess. The rest of you will be some sort of fairytale creature. First, you must cross a bridge guarded by a troll, played by Chef, while blindfolded. Whichever team gets the most members across wins an advantage! That advantage will be useful in rescuing your princess from a tower guarded by a dragon! Team that gets their princess down first wins! Last one down loses the game!"
"So who's gonna be the team princess?" Zoey asked.
Chris responded by throwing a pair of cornflower blue moccasins of the same brand as Tammy's suspiciously-Uggs-looking boots at her face. "These! Did you know that the reason we say Cinderella wore glass slippers is because of a translation error? In the original French, Cindy was sporting fur slippers! Which are frankly more structurally sound and also way cheaper. Only one girl on your team has the exact shoe size needed to fit into these things and I made sure to obscure the size tags on the shoes themselves, so get barefoot and figure out who fits the shoe perfectly!"
Red Robins: Owen, Noah, Cody, Ella, Emma, Sierra, and Topher.
Orange Ocelots: Justin, Sadie, Brick, Ennui, and Crimson.
Yellow Yaks: Heather, Lindsay, Taylor, Alejandro, Devin, Carrie, Miles, and Laurie.
Green Gators: Eva, DJ, Sam, Scarlett, Sugar, Sanders, and MacArthur.
Cyan Sharks: Zoey, Leshawna, and Harold.
Blue Beetles: Shawn, Jo, Amy, Sammy, Jasmine, Sky, and Jen.
Purple Pigs: Geoff, Bridgette, Duncan, Tyler, Beardo, Jacques, and Josee.
Red Robins
"Okay, there are three girls on our team, meaning that we can do a quick process of elimination without even having to put them on," Emma said, inspecting the burgundy slippers. "I wear a size four, so these are definitely way too big for me."
"And I'm a size eleven, so these are too small for me," Sierra added. "Ella, what's your size?"
"Seven-and-a-half," Ella revealed.
Cody pulled out a ruler from his left front pants pocket and measured the moccasins. "Nine and a half inches and a little bit," he confirmed. "Noah?"
"It checks out, these are right in the middle at Ella's exact shoe size," Noah said, nodding thoughtfully. "Ella, you ready to be a princess?"
Ella squeed. "AM I EVER?!"
Orange Ocelots
"Good thing we've only got two girls on the team, this makes this way easier," Justin said.
"I know, right?" Sadie agreed. She took off her boots, adjusted her white pink-striped ankle socks, and tried to slip the light brown moccasins on. She didn't get that far, though, for her chubby feet were too wide for the hole. "Well, it's not me. Guess it's you, Crim."
Crimson didn't grimace, but her voice belied her true feelings for a change. "If it is, I will not be happy about not being able to wear black." She removed her boots, fixed her black stockings, and put the moccasins on. She and Sadie had the same shoe size lengthwise, women's eight, but Crimson's feet weren't quite as wide as Sadie's, so they slipped into the moccasins no problem. "Botheration."
"My love, we must suffer if we are to get ahead in our lives," Ennui said, trying to comfort her.
"Chris has made us suffer enough."
"An excellent counterpoint."
Yellow Yaks
"Oh, so Izzy did teach you how to make stirrups!" Carrie exclaimed, admiring Lindsay's handiwork. They were red, with a thin white stripe ringing the holes for the calf, heel, and front of the foot. "They're so cute! I love them!"
"Thanks!" Lindsay beamed, flexing her white-painted toes. "I'm really glad my mind's getting better enough so that I can fix my own clothes! Although I do need to wear socks on my socks in wintertime with these." In her hand were two black ankle socks that she'd worn over top of her stirrups as extra protection. She turned to her team and asked "Can I try next?"
"What point is there?" Taylor, having failed to keep the beige moccasins on due to her size six feet being too small for them, scoffed. Laurie and Miles had proven to be a size too small for them at US seven. "Your feet are humongous! No way they're gonna fit in these."
"Just because size fourteen shoes are hard to find doesn't mean they aren't made!" Lindsay protested. "I have like, five pairs on the island!"
"Yeah, and all but one are MEN'S shoes."
"Taylor, please, let the girl at least try," Alejandro pleaded calmly. Taylor rolled her eyes but handed Lindsay the moccasins anyway. Right away Lindsay could tell that they would be much too short for her massive dogs.
"Hey, wait," Lindsay said suddenly, picking up the moccasins and inspecting them. "These are like, super skinny! Heidi, your feet are skinny and these look like they're size eights, so these must be for you!"
"'Heidi'?" Laurie snickered, while Miles tried to hold in her giggles but was clearly failing miserably. "That's a new one."
"Shut up!" Heather snapped, taking the shoes. They fit her perfectly, a discovery that appeared to placate her. "Well! Looks like you're gonna be taking orders from me from now on."
Taylor fumed.
Confessional – Taylor.
"One of these days. One of these days I am gonna SCREW that literal harpy over REAL GOOD!" She cackled maniacally.
Green Gators
"It's gotta be meh!" Sugar declared.
"What makes you say that?" Sam asked, skeptical.
"B'cuz imma pageant girl! Ah was born fer this kinda stuff! Fancy walkin', bein' cute, pretendin' ta be nice when yer actually not – I can be the princess just fine!"
"And I say you aren't, on account of your feet being too small for them," Sanders remarked dryly, slipping her team's fern green moccasins off her feet, fixing her white kneesocks. "Scarlett, MacArthur and I have tried them and none of us fit them perfectly. These slippers are for someone with large feet, both in width and in length. So we're reasonably certain Eva's going to be our princess."
"Huh, I can see her being some sort of warrior princess," Sam said. "Kinda fitting."
"Fittin's what ah gotta do! Not that good-fer-nuthin' trap!" Sugar snapped, snatching the moccasins and putting them on. As predicted, though, Sugar was too small for them, and when something picked her up, the shoes slipped right off her light gray socks.
Eva leered at Sugar from behind. "I am not a transwoman. I'm tough because I was born into a military family and learned to be tough from my dad. The one trans friend that I have, Jessica, is one of the nicest people I know. And if I catch you mistreating her..." Eva finished her sentence with a low, guttural growl that sent shivers up Sugar's spine. "I won't be so nice as to let you live unharmed." She dropped the Pageant Prat on her butt, kicked off her suspiciously-New Balance-looking indigo sneakers, and put the moccasins on to discover that they fit like gloves.
"Warrior princess she is," Sam decided.
Cyan Sharks
"Okay, there are only two girls on our team so this should be easy, right?" Zoey asked her teammates.
"I dunno, girl," Leshawna tsked. "Chris said that the shoes gotta fit us 'xactly. And we're only half a size apart. If the shoes're too big, that'll be kinda hard to figure out since they won't feel wrong."
"Then we do a walking test!" Harold jumped in. "Whichever of you wears the smaller shoe size tries them on and walks! If they don't feel like they're gonna make you trip, then they're the right ones! If not, they're the other girl's!"
"I'm a seven-and-a-half and Leshawna's an eight, so I guess I'll go first," Zoey decided. She removed her boots, put the moccasins on, then took a few tentative steps. "Yeah, they're too big for me."
Leshawna smirked. "Alright! 'Bought time princesses got some color up in here."
Blue Beetles
"It's not gonna be me, but who will it be?" Shawn asked.
"Dunno, mate. Doubt it'll be me, I don't even need to put them on to know they're too small," Jasmine remarked.
Sky grimaced. "I hope we don't need to actually get barefoot to try them on."
"I think it's a bit too cold for that," Sammy remarked, finding that her team's Prussian blue moccasins were too big for her. "What brings that up? Amy, we're the same size, you don't need to try them yourself."
"Says you!" Amy retorted as she did just that.
"Well, Dakota told me that Dawn discovered some...disturbing fanfiction of us," Sky said, clearly uncomfortable. "There's this one guy who...really wants me to be his wife. He writes foot fetish and tickling fics and his stuff about me is..." She shuddered. "I'm never going to meet him in real life! I mean, seriously, I have no idea where he lives and zero desire to find out! And his writing is awful, his grammar sucks and we all get reduced to really basic personality traits. And he's not the only one doing this, either; there's an entire community of them!"
"Eesh, that's creepy," Jo winced.
"I don't have anything against the foot fetish itself, but I do have something against people writing about me in situations that I didn't consent to being written in. I mean, I have a boyfriend! Sort of, but still!" Sky sighed. "Jo, have you tried the shoes yet?"
"Yeah, too small for me." Sky sighed and grabbed the shoes, only to find that they were too large for her.
"Well, looks like I'm the princess," Jen said.
"Figures," Jo snarked.
"Hey, better you than me," Sky shrugged. "And you're the type to wear an impractical dress anyway."
Purple Pigs
"I would not make a good princess," Bridgette sighed after discovering that she was the one who fit the dark purple moccasins. "I can't dance, my singing voice isn't that good..."
"You have a way with animals, you're super nice, and you like, know all the complicated politics stuff," Geoff replied, putting his arm on his girlfriend's shoulder. "That's enough qualification for royalty for me!"
"No one cares what you think, man," Duncan grumbled.
Confessional – Geoff.
"Duncan is like, SO not a team player. Like, even with his alliance to Alejandro, he's still lookin' out for himself like, more than anybody else." Geoff grimaced at the camera. "If we lose today, I am SO voting him out."
"Everyone all princessed up?" Chris asked once they were done. "Good! Everyone ignoble, get into your costumes and we'll start the challenges!"
"Wait, we've gotta dress up too?!" Amy exclaimed. "When were you gonna tell us that?!"
"Two hours ago, which I did do, Amy!" Chris turned to the camera. "So what's next? Find out after these messages."
Do da do da doo. Commercial break!
"And we're back! Wanna see what I had the interns dress our lucky chumps as?" Chris snickered to the audience.
"Why, just...why are you like this?" Emma growled. Those Red Robins not named Ella were now wearing fake bird wings over their sleeves and yellow party hats strapped over their noses.
"Living in your dad's shadow kinda does that to a guy. Anywho! I've turned the non-royalty into cryptids based on their team mascots. The Red Robins are now the Holly Berry Harpies!
"The Orange Ocelots are now the Nectarine Nekomimis!" Pan to the non-royal Orange Ocelots, now with cat ear headbands and fake cat tails tied to their waists.
"The Yellow Yaks are now the Marigold Minotaurs!" Those YY not named Heather were wearing fake bull horns and tails. In the case of the female team members, pink rubber gloves were scotch-taped to their navels to serve as "udders".
"The Green Gators are now the Dogwood Dragonfolk!" The remaining Green Gators were wearing fake Triceratops brow horns, fake wings over their shoulders, and fake iguana tails tied to their waists.
"The Cyan Sharks are now the Middle Blue Mermaids!" Zoey and Harold were now wearing floor-length skirts with scale-covered dolphin's tails on the front.
"The Blue Beetles are now the Han Blue Haimushi! For those of you wondering, haimushi are a type of Japanese yokai that resembles a cross between a maggot and a moth. They parasitize the lungs and feed on rice. If they leave their host for too long, they'll spontaneously explode and their host will die. Couldn't find a decent beetle monster so I had to make do with a moth monster." The remainder of the Blue Beetles were wearing tripointed paper crowns and fake moth wings.
"And last of all, the Purple Pigs are now the Orchid Orcs!" The other six PP were wearing fake pig ears, tails, and snouts.
"We look ridiculous," Josee grumbled.
"That goes without saying," Noah remarked.
"Princesses, please step forth! That's Ella, Crimson, Heather, Eva, Leshawna, Jen, and Bridgette!" The seven girls did as they were told. "Chef, do the honors!"
Chef, now wearing an ugly green hat and a Groucho Marx disguise, handed each of the princesses a plastic tiara, color-coded for their team. After they had all put them on, he pulled out a wooden spoon from a holster on his belt and waved it at them. "Bippity boppity blah blah blah, I doth decree you to be the fairest women in the land. Except for you, Heather." Heather seethed. "Now come with me to yer towers."
"Which are?" Jen asked.
"Designated spots in the topmost bleachers in the Drama Gym. Marked with cardboard boxes, can't miss 'em."
After Chef led the princesses away, Chris turned to the others. "Once Chef gets back we're going to the ball pit for part one. The rules are simple: one team at a time must cross the bridge. You will be blindfolded and will NOT be allowed to take them off. Or your costumes, for that matter, felt I had to make that clear."
"No, no, you really didn't, we figured that was a given," Topher remarked.
"The team that gets the most people on the other side of the bridge wins an advantage. That advantage? A bigger sword! Once everyone's crossed, one male member of your team, who I will choose once I see how many of you have made it, will bravely fight our dragon to rescue the princess! Everyone else will have to scour the island for a Gilded Chris award marked with a purple base. The team that gets their princess AND the trophy wins the game, even if they get their princess out last!"
Red Robins/Holly Berry Harpies: Owen, Noah, Cody, Ella, Emma, Sierra, and Topher.
Orange Ocelots/Nectarine Nekomimis: Justin, Sadie, Brick, Ennui, and Crimson.
Yellow Yaks/Marigold Minotaurs: Heather, Lindsay, Taylor, Alejandro, Devin, Carrie, Miles, and Laurie.
Green Gators/Dogwood Dragonfolk: Eva, DJ, Sam, Scarlett, Sugar, Sanders, and MacArthur.
Cyan Sharks/Middle Blue Mermaids: Zoey, Leshawna, and Harold.
Blue Beetles/Han Blue Haimushi: Shawn, Jo, Amy, Sammy, Jasmine, Sky, and Jen.
Purple Pigs/Orchid Orcs: Geoff, Bridgette, Duncan, Tyler, Beardo, Jacques, and Josee.
Holly Berry Harpies, Ball Pit
Owen gulped. "I don't like this." He let out a small fart of worry.
"Me either, chubby buddy," Noah agreed, making a face at the narrow bridge over the plastic balls. "But if we go slowly and in sync, then we'll be less likely to fall off the sides."
"Good idea!" Sierra exclaimed. Phil tied their blindfolds on and they set off, one at a time, counting ten seconds between members before venturing onto the bridge. Chef was back, holding his arms up to knock them off the bridge and into the ball pit below. But Owen simply bowled him over and trotted off, the rest of his team stepping on the old man as they passed.
"The Holly Berry Harpies didn't lose a single chump!" Chris announced. "But since they're NOT the biggest team they might not win the advantage!"
"So I take it we're not doing percentages?" Emma asked, removing her bandanna.
"Nope!"
"Ow..." Chef groaned. Owen went back to the bridge and helped him up. "Thanks."
Confessional – Topher.
"Owen is like a glacier. Big, hard to move, and chock-full of toxic greenhouse gases."
Begin montage.
The Nectarine Nekomimis were much less fortunate than their redder predecessors. Only Ennui was able to get across, and Chris tsked disappointedly at Justin, Brick, and Sadie.
Chef was easily able to knock Miles, Laurie, Devin, and Carrie off the bridge. Alejandro did an acrobatic handstand and flipped over the cook. He, Taylor, and Lindsay were the only ones able to make it.
Sam and MacArthur, due to their heavyset builds, had a very hard time maneuvering around Chef, so they were quickly knocked off. Sugar thought she would fare better due to being shorter than them, but she didn't. DJ, Sanders, and Scarlett were more successful, though.
Harold and Zoey's lithe builds and Mad Skillz allowed them to simply slip between Chef's arms and chest no problem.
Amy and Sammy both made it to the other side, and Amy was reluctant to admit working together with her sister would be a good thing. Jasmine was easy for Chef to knock over; after all, she was 6'5". Years of zombie training allowed Shawn to easily dodge Chef while blindfolded, and Sky's gymnastic training allowed her to do the same. Jo was not as fortunate.
Last of all, the Orchid Orcs had a pretty good go. Geoff, Jacques, and Josee made it across, and Tyler and Beardo just barely made it too. Duncan was last, but few noticed that while Chef was busy trying to nab the Human Soundboard, Duncan briefly lifted the corner of his blindfold so his left eye could see exactly where he was supposed to go.
End montage.
"Everyone who fell off the bridge will not be able to help their teammates search!" Chris announced. "Holly Berry Harpies and Orchid Orcs, you've both got six people who stayed on terra firma! I predicted we might have a tie, so I will be gracious and let you BOTH get the advantage!" Chris handed a wooden sword two feet long to Duncan and, after throwing out a two-inch one meant for Cody, handed the Slick Geek an equally-sized block of wood.
"For SHAME, Nectarine Nekomimis! You didn't get ANYONE but your designated prince over the bridge!" Chris exclaimed as he handed Ennui the disadvantage sword, which was six inches long. "Since normally you wouldn't be allowed to search for the Purple Chris, Phil, as an ex-Ocelot, will be doing it for you!"
"But...don't the interns know where the stuff is?" Justin asked.
"Not me, since Billy was the one hiding them," Phil explained.
"Oh, okay."
"Alejandro, DJ, Harold, and Shawn, you are our other princes, so you will get the medium swords!" He handed each of them a wooden sword a foot long. "Everyone who fell off, go back to your cabins and do homework or whatever. Everyone who DIDN'T fall, start your search!"
Drama Gym
"So what's our dragon gonna be?" DJ asked. The seven princes were in the middle of the Drama Gym, their respective princesses hanging out in the bleachers. "Hope it's not my team's mascot."
"Of course it isn't, DJ!" Chris admonished. "Alligators don't like the cold! Punch would be useless out here."
"DJ has a point, though," Alejandro remarked. "What are we fighting against? A robot? An intern in a monster suit? Izzy?"
"None of the above!" A crate with airholes was brought into the room by Joseph and Miranda, who quickly fled the scene. "Remember when I said 'dragon'? What I really meant to say was 'Jersey devil'." Chris opened the crate using his remote, and a white goat walked out. Only the goat had a long, scaly dark yellow tail and massive black bat wings. "A long time ago, someone thought using goats would be a good idea to get rid of the radioactive plants growing on the island, like the lustblossoms. But the goats instead mutated after ingesting said plants, and this kind of mutation was the most successful. They hatch from eggs like a dragon, they fly like a dragon, and they breathe fire like a dragon. All we need to do is..."
And here Chris pulled out a branch and used it to smack the goat on the butt. "Provoke it!" Chris ran out of the gym and slammed the doors behind him, which locked shut. The seven boys gulped as the goat, assuming that the boys were its attacker's minions, bleated at them menacingly, cherry red flames licking the corners of its mouth.
Confessional – Bridgette.
"Oh my gosh! Animal cruelty is a new low for Chris!" Bridgette exclaimed.
"Not really. If you count people as animals, then this is really old news," Eva commented from outside the confessional.
Dogwood Dragonfolk
"Man, it is cold out today," Sam remarked as his team trudged through the snow. Every now and then Scarlett would stop them to use a scanner on a clump of snow, hoping to find a statue buried underneath it.
"I hear you," Sanders agreed. "Say, Sam, is the E-Scope/Geek Alliance deal still on?"
"Of course! Why do you ask?"
"Because if we lose, we are going to vote for Sugar, right?"
"Who else?" Sam remarked dryly, watching Sugar rant about how much she hated Ella until MacArthur finally screamed at her to shut up.
"Speaking of else," Zoey said as she joined the DD. "May I go with you?"
"Sure! We're all in this together," Sanders said. "What's up?"
"First, I was thinking of joining the Misfits, because I'm kinda one myself."
"Wow, that's great! We'd be happy to have you on board, Zoey."
"Second, I'm kinda suspicious about the Orcs. The Harpies I can understand why and how they all got across, but the Orcs? Seems a bit too perfect, if you ask me."
Sanders thought for a moment. "Y'know what? You're right. Maybe someone should investigate it."
In the background, Dakota saw this exchange, and frowned.
Five minutes later
"Dakota, kid, I assure you, no one cheated," Chris said, obviously lying. "Now do me a favor and round up Billy Gruff, Duncan got Bridgette out of the gym."
"Why me?" Dakota groaned.
"Because I haven't made you suffer enough!" Chris replied cheerfully.
Confessional – Dakota.
"As soon as this show is over, I am so gonna have Dad sue him."
Confessional – Blake Milton.
"Of course, I was planning to anyway," Dakota's father, a thin black-eyed blonde man, dressed in a dark brown suit and a silver necktie with thin diagonal black and white stripes, remarked dryly.
Dakota entered the Drama Gym. The goat was pacing back and forth, clearly agitated, while the princes were hiding at the top of the bleachers with their princesses. All but the Dogwood Dragonfolk, that is.
"Hey..." DJ said, timidly approaching the goat. "It's okay, we're not gonna hurt you...we're as scared of you are you are of us." The goat noticed him and visibly relaxed. "There we go...can you go back in your crate so we can win?" The goat nodded and did as he was told.
"Wow, thanks," Dakota said. "That saves me a lot of trouble."
"Much obliged, D," Eva replied. "C'mon Deej, let's go. Hope Scarlett found the Purple Chris." They left first. Outside, they found Bridgette and Duncan arguing.
"Bridgette, come ON! We gotta go!" Duncan snapped, having hefted the blonde over his shoulders, struggling to carry her because Bridgette was heavier than Courtney.
"I can walk on my OWN, thank you very much!" Bridgette retorted.
Dakota followed them out, pushing the goat's cart. Once at the pen, she decided to look at one of the camera feeds from the ballpit. She rewound the footage until she reached the Orcs' crossing, and clearly saw Duncan moving his blindfold.
"All right!" Chris exclaimed as Jacques and Josee proudly held the Purple Chris over their heads. "They got out second BUT they got the Purple Chris! Therefore, they win!" The other teams groaned. "Nectarine Nekomimis, since you had the least people looking out for you, you lose!"
"Not so fast, Chris!" Dakota interjected. "It's the Orcs who have to vote someone out!"
"What? Why?" Tyler asked. "We won, didn't we?"
"Yeah, because Duncan cheated!"
"Duncan, is this true?" Bridgette asked.
"No...?" Duncan asked. "Besides, where's your proof?"
"Yeah, you're just an intern!" Chris agreed.
"Yeah, but she's very smart, and what would she have to gain from lying?" Sam asked. "Dakota, do you have proof?"
"Indeed I do!" Dakota replied, pulling a camera from her coat pocket and showing the footage she'd transferred to it to everyone.
Chris saw it and sighed. "Alright! The Orchid Orcs have been disqualified for cheating! Dogwood Dragonfolk, since you rescued Eva first, you get the win by default!"
"Booyah!" MacArthur exclaimed. "A win by someone else's stupid! The best kind of win," she added to the camera.
"Meet me at the campfire at eight, Orchid Orcs, it's time to get punished!"
"Sam?" Dakota asked that night at dinner.
"Yeah?"
"Thanks. For...sticking up for me all those times."
"Hey, it's the least I can do to repay you," Sam shrugged. "If it weren't for you guys, Chris wouldn't have anybody holding him back. I mean, someone had to keep him from doing his more dangerous challenges."
"True," Dakota admitted. "He actually did want to use real mines in the bike race, after all."
Confessional – Josee.
"At this point I do not care that the world knows we cheat," Josee growled as she wrote BRIDGETTE on a piece of paper.
Confessional – Geoff.
"See? Told ya so." Geoff wrote DUNCAN on a piece of paper.
Confessional – Tyler.
"Finally!" He wrote DUNCAN on a piece of paper.
Confessional – Bridgette.
"Gwen's right. Duncan would do anything for fame. So I think it's best we deny him that chance." She wrote DUNCAN on a piece of paper.
"Here's how we do eliminations," Chris said. "We use the marshmallow system here. When I call your name, come get one." Three of seven marshmallows were colored. "The marshmallows are color-coded to show how many votes you got because it's a royal pain. White means no votes against you, and the recipients are Geoff, Beardo, Jacques, and Josee." The four of them got their marshmallows.
Next, Chris pointed to the lone blue marshmallow on the plate. "Blue means you received only one vote against you. Tyler, this is yours." Tyler got his marshmallow.
"Green means you got more than one vote, but are still safe. We don't have any green ones today." Two marshmallows were left on the plate. "Orange means you've fouled up, and red means you struck out. Duncan. Bridgette."
Bridgette glared at Duncan.
"Duncan, you've done a lot of shady things. Bridgette, a lot of shady people want you not there to cast the light on them. With twice as many votes as the other...
...
...
...
...
"Duncan is not staying here this time. Dude, you're out of time, you've been eliminated."
"Alejandro, please give us Duncan's immunity idol," Phil said after the elimination.
Alejandro looked at him. "Was he?"
"He was." Alejandro grimaced and handed him the idol.
Confessional – Alejandro.
"My alliance is down to me and Devin." He suddenly cackled ominously. "Of course, I have Jacques and Josee, so what use is the island's first alliance going to be when Season Three comes?"
"Not much!" Chris agreed. "Forty-one down. Forty-three remain. Who'll be king of the world and who'll be king of the mud? Find out on
"Total.
"Drama!"
The goat reappeared and set Chris' pants on fire.
Votes:
Geoff – Duncan
Bridgette – Duncan
Duncan – Tyler
Tyler – Duncan
Beardo – Duncan
Jacques – Bridgette
Josee – Bridgette
Results: 4-2-1 Duncan-Bridgette-Tyler
Eliminated: Staci, Leonard, Tammy, Leshaniqua, Spud, Chet, Dakota (ii), Phil (r), Ellody, Rock, Rodney (t), Anne Maria, Mickey, Jazz (r), Max, Mary, Junior, Zeke (t), Beth, Brody, Scott, Lauren, Brady, Lorenzo (t), Katie, Trent, Kitty, Gwen, Dave, Courtney, Tom, Dawn (t), Izzy (r), Jay, Lightning, Stephanie, Cameron (nj), Ryan, B (ii), Mike (q), Duncan
Known active immunity idols: Josee (Crimson), Owen, Carrie, Tyler, Sammy, Lindsay, Devin, Eva, MacArthur, Ella, Beardo (Noah), Geoff (Geoff), Justin (Ella)
Future eliminations immunized against: Harold (2)
Bonus clip:
Chef was cleaning the Purple Chris, but accidentally rubbed the purple paint off it. "Darn."