Welp, I'm officially twenty years old now give or take a couple megayears. And now it's review time!
Gucci Mane LaFlare: Thanks!
Joel Connell: Thanks! Amy might be smarter than she looks; most highschools require good grades to be a cheerleader, after all. Sugar actually IS her real name.
Great Idea Alert: Thanks! Sammy calls it like she sees it. I don't like Rick & Morty (too violent), so I won't reference it. A robot challenge sounds fun!
Concerned Fan: Nope! Just getting used to my new computer. My previous one got severely corrupted by an audio driver I'd downloaded because the sound had suddenly stopped working, so I had to get a new computer to continue working. And since this one has a mechanical hard drive and not a solid-state, I have to shut it down every night. Also I was having some trouble figuring out this episode because it's a reference to a very, very, VERY complex game. Besides, I'm a dinosaur, so how's a virus whose family didn't evolve until eight thousand years ago going to infect me? ("Famous last words." Oh, knock it off, Noah.)
FreneticGrape87: Thanks! I'm not a big fan of TF2's history (if Abe Lincoln invented stairs then WHY ARE THERE STAIRS AND MULTILEVEL BUILDINGS FROM BEFORE THE 1500S?!), so I headcanon it as just Soldier being dumb. RIP his VA.
Important s: Again, Sugar's her real name.
Saturday, January 20, 2018
"Last time on Total Drama – we brought back an old fan-favorite! [Owen failing to land on Clyde] We reenacted some Wild, Wild West tropes we didn't have time to make fun of in Mild, Mild Mess. First, we saddled up! [Crimson and Ennui sticking their respective landings] Well, some of us did. [Tyler falling off the diving board] After that, we tried to not get lassoed. [Devin tricking Beardo and Harold into revealing themselves] Jo tricked Sadie into revealing where her team was hiding [Jo tricking Sadie], undoing the Tribe's advantage, their previous status as Wild West-challenge victors, AND Sadie's chances of winning the game. [Sadie's elimination] But the MAIN highlight was once again our plotting poster boy Alejandro Burromuerto! [Alejandro pondering how he could destabilize the Misfits] Or rather, someone else's plotting. [Sugar's evil plan]"
Chris walked over to the VR machine. "Today we'll be having our forty-fifth challenge, and you know what that means. That's right, it's another trip into the Total Drama Virtual Reality Generator." He entered the main room and strapped one of the VR helmets on.
A flash of light, and the scene shifted to a dark, gloomy world. Chris entered as a white-shelled insect with his wings wrapped around his silverfish-like body as a cloak, his head bearing seven long, straight vertical horns that resembled a crown. "Today we're going to parody a semi-obscure indie game about bugs! We ARE still relevant, after all. Forty contestants remain. Who'll be the highest being and who'll be forgotten forever? Find out here on
"Total.
"Drama!"
Theme song
*Instrumental*
A camera appeared from the snow-covered bushes, scaring off a Tiktik. Another came from a tree, startling a Maskfly. The third popped out of the ground and was promptly divebombed by a Belfly, causing it to explode.
Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine
You guys are on my mind
Devin climbed to the top of a mountain, where he saw a statue of Alejandro. He gained orange mind-control eyes after staring at the statue for too long and started chasing after Carrie with a worm...which was now the relative size of an anaconda.
You asked me what I wanted to be
And now I think it's plain to see
DJ happily pet a Grub on the head. Another one sidled up to him, seemingly asking for head pats...but it turned out to be a Grub Mimic, and it promptly ate him alive. The Grub wisely scooted backwards away from the scene.
I wanna be famous
Heather, Josee, and Taylor battled it out on a rocky piece of ground. The ground broke, and the three girls fell into the Colosseum of Fools, where they were promptly set upon by Battle Obbles.
*Instrumental*
Owen flew over the Blue Lake, a strangely purple fart propelling him through the air. Noah looked on and facepalmed. In the background, Emma struggled to pull a Fool Eater off of her face.
I want to live close to the sun
The Radiance leered over Jacques, who'd dared to challenge her. He gulped, and raised his sword timidly.
Well, pack your bags cause I've already won.
Sugar cheered at the trophy she held in her hands...and was promptly attacked by the Mantis Warriors she'd stolen it from.
Everything to prove nothing in my way
I'll get there one day
Beardo couldn't figure out his map, and was so preoccupied by it that he didn't notice a nearby Sporg fire at him.
'Cuz I wanna be famous
Leshawna frantically ran away from a Stalking Devout that was bent on killing her.
Na na nana na na nana nana na na na na na naaaaah
Tyler grabbed Lindsay by the hand and together they ran away from a horde of Squits, Aspids, Moss Knights, Soul Warriors, Dirtcarvers, Flukemons, Corpse Creepers, Great Hoppers, Mantis Petras...and one tiny Lightseed.
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous
Sam, Cody, and Harold were stuck inside glass jars which The Collector joyfully cleaned, unaware of what he was really doing.
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous.
Scarlett, unable to confidently identify exactly what species of bug each enemy was, screamed in frustration. A Weaverling patted her shoulder sympathetically.
*Whistling*
Back at the campfire, as the other campers I didn't have time to name looked on excitedly, Sierra and Topher looked each other in the eyes...and then the Shade Lord blanketed the area in darkness, leaving only their eyes visible.
VR Building
"Alright, everyone! Junior suggested this challenge way back when, so it's time to check your teams!" Chris announced.
Noah, Owen, Emma, Lindsay, Tyler, Cody, Sammy, Geoff, Bridgette, Devin, Carrie, Ella, Leshawna, Harold, Beardo, DJ, Jen, Shawn, Sky, and Jasmine got a bluish-gray circle with a face on it. The face consisted of two eyes, two stag beetle-like horns, and no mouth.
Everybody else got an orange circle with a blob on it. "Uh, Chris?" Sanders asked. "Exactly...what kind of game did Junior suggest?"
"The Empty Soldier!" Sam gasped. "I loved this game when it came out last year!"
"I thought you might!" Chris grinned. "Why not tell us what this game is about?"
"Sure!" Sam cleared his throat. "Once upon a time, a giant worm exploded, and from its remains game The Glowing King. The bugs of Big Nest stopped worshipping the moth goddess The Brilliance and started worshipping the King instead. The Brilliance didn't like that, so she started finding bugs and destroying their minds with a disease that turned them into zombies as punishment."
"Ew," Laurie gagged.
"Oh no," Shawn gulped.
"Ew indeed! The King didn't like this, so he and his girlfriend The Tree Queen began making Empty Soldiers from the concentrated Darkness pooling below the kingdom. With no external desires, one particularly empty soldier could hold The Brilliance inside their mind and keep her trapped forever."
"It didn't work, did it?" Emma snarked.
"No, the soldier they thought was empty enough thought that the King was his dad, which was enough to get The Brilliance to start breaking free and bring the pestilence back. The King was so shocked that he died."
"And that's where we are at the start of the game!" Chris declared. "If you got a blue-gray circle, you are the Soldiers, the failed prototypes of the Empty Soldier who left the kingdom to prepare for an ultimate fight against The Brilliance! Your team must collect upgrades if you're to defeat The Brilliance, who will be played by Chef."
Chef sighed as he took his seat. "The things I do for this show."
"If you got an orange circle, you're the Bosses, particularly powerful monsters who must defeat the Soldiers to keep The Brilliance's plan from being thwarted. Good luck!"
An intern pressed a button once everyone had their helmets strapped on, and footage of a wasteland appeared on the canvas screen...
But little did anybody notice the many other faces ushered in by Billy and Carly once the rest were already in the game.
Soldiers
"Well, here we are," Geoff said. He and his team all looked the same: small, solid black bodies with two arms and legs, covered by simple gray cloaks, their black heads encased inside white shells shaped like their heads or headwear. A little sword was held in a scabbard on their backs. "Hey, I was this guy back in the hero thing! Sweet."
"Minus your upgrades, of course," Harold said. He scratched the top of his shell. "I don't remember my head being this flat."
"Or mine being this tall and narrow," Noah remarked. "Hey, there's a door. Let's see...'If you can read this, you're probably gonna get mauled.' Well, that's reassuring. Owen, mind breaking it down?"
"I DON'T KNOW WHAT BUGS WITH NO MOUTHS EEEEEEEEEEAT!" Owen roared, entering Food Mode and running headfirst into the door. It shattered instantly, and Owen ran headlong into a large and squishy blue jellybean growing from the ceiling. Its innards were almost immediately absorbed into his shell. "Hey, I found food!" His shell turned blue. "Ooooh, a temporary health boost! Nice."
"Hey, my shell's blue too," Jen said, looking in the reflection of her sword. "Looks like any upgrade that we get is shared with all of us."
"Well, that solves the problem of the Goodies," Cody said. "I was wondering if we were going to be able to carry them all."
"Goodies?" Lindsay asked. "Like those plastic kazoos they hand out at birthday parties?"
"No, more like talismans. They make you stronger, but you can only fit so many on your person at a time. Oh, here's one!" Cody ran offscreen and came back, slightly scratched, with a dark red button pin with an angry face stuck to his left pectoral. "This one doubles our damage when we get to one health. If I put it on, then we can all use it. However, they take up these spots right here," he said, pointing to three little bumps on his cloak, two of which he pinned the Goodie to. "To get all of them, we need to get more of these spots so the max number we can each carry goes up."
Confessional – Cody.
"I've played this game before." The confessionals were held inside a glowing swimming pool. "But the first-person perspective is a nice touch."
Soldiers: Noah, Owen, Emma, Lindsay, Tyler, Cody, Sammy, Geoff, Bridgette, Devin, Carrie, Ella, Leshawna, Harold, Beardo, DJ, Jen, Shawn, Sky, and Jasmine.
Bosses: Heather (God Seeker), Sugar (Uumuu), Jo (Mantis Warrior), Scarlett (Grimm), Zoey (Oblobble), Ennui (Broken Vessel), Crimson (Nosk), Alejandro (Traitor Lord), Jacques (God Tamer's steed), Josee (God Tamer), Brick (Hollow Knight), Eva (False Knight), Taylor (Flukemarm), Miles (Soul Master), Laurie (Massive Moss Charger), Sanders (Hive Knight), MacArthur (Brooding Mawlek), Sam (Xero), Sierra (Gorb), and Justin (Collector).
Hosts: Chris (Pale King), Blaineley (White Lady), Chef (Radiance), Dwayne (Lurien), Kelly (Herrah), Gerry (Monomon), and Carly (Hornet).
NPCs: Staci (Unn), Leonard (Zote), Tammy (Bretta), Leshaniqua (Seer), Spud (Relic Seeker Lemm), Chet (Little Fool), Dakota (Eternal Emilitia), Phil (Moss Prophet), Ellody (Millibelle), Rock (Elderbug), Rodney (Tiso), Anne Maria (Willoh), Mickey (Menderbug), Jazz (Divine), Max (Sly), Mary (Iselda), Junior (Tuk), Zeke (Nailsmith), Beth (Myla), Brody (Nailmaster Sheo), Scott (Leg Eater), Lauren (Marissa), Brady (Nailmaster Mato), Lorenzo (Cornifer), Katie (Confessor Jiji), Trent (Quirrel), Kitty (Grub), Gwen (Midwife), Dave (Gray Mourner), Courtney (Cloth), Tom (Poggy Thorax), Dawn (Salubra), Izzy (Mask Maker), Jay (Gravedigger), Lightning (Nailmaster Oro), Stephanie (Joni), Cameron (Revek), Ryan (Old Stag), B (Bardoon), Mike (Snail Shaman), Duncan (Hunter), Amy (Vespa), Topher (Royal Retainer), and Sadie (Steel Soul Jinn).
The Soldiers continued on until they bumped into a fat, portly milkweed bug. "Oh! Guys!" The bug turned around, revealing it had goggles over its eyes and Lorenzo's voice and purple color scheme. "I've got maps for sale, if you have coin."
"Maps? Oh, that's great!" Sky said. "We could use maps to get around this place. But...how do we pay for them?"
"With money," Lorenzo replied. "You get money by killing enemies."
"Like...this?" Sky backflipped onto a small rhinoceros beetle with ten legs and stabbed it with her sword. It died, and two little clam shells fell out of its back.
"Yep!" Lorenzo confirmed. "Although you're gonna need a lot more cash to pay for these maps. Bosses drop a lot of money, so I recommend going after them."
"Hey, why are you even here?" Devin asked. "Weren't you eliminated?"
"Chris wanted to do something special. That, and this game has a lot of NPCs."
"Well, in that case let's split up so we can go through the game faster," Jasmine said.
"Good call, anything one of us gets should be able to be used by anyone else," Bridgette said. "Are there keys in this game?"
"Yep, and you can only use them once," Lorenzo confirmed.
Confessional – Chris.
"Since we've got a LOT of enemies to fight, we're going to have to montage this episode."
Begin montage.
DJ was the first to run into a Boss. In this case, it was Eva, turned into a bulky four-horned treehopper with a mace made out of a smaller bug. She roared, and meteors fell from the ceiling. DJ screamed and waved his sword wildly, eventually slicing the armor open and revealing Eva was really a maggot in someone else's shell. Who was promptly hit in the face with her own meteorite.
Laurie breathed in. She'd been turned into a little cockroach with a massive external covering of leaves. "Okay Laurie, you can do this..." Unlike in the original game, Chris had her guarding a Goodie that unleashed several thorny vines when the holder was struck. He'd changed the trinket's position to make the episode go faster. An episode based on a game as long as The Empty Soldier could only be done via montage.
In the background, Phil, turned into a bug completely overgrown with moss with orange mind-control eyes, babbled incoherently.
Sky appeared, challenging Laurie to a fight. Laurie roared and scurried towards her, disappeared underground, then reappeared above. She was fast.
But Sky was faster.
Mike, turned into a black snail, watched Ella beat the crap out of a pillbug/ground sloth hybrid. When she was done, Mike gave her a spell as a reward for her sidequest, and also a hug because she felt guilty about killing such cute creatures.
Sammy found a mannequin with a pair of cartoonish detachable bug wings on it, like the kind a little kid would wear on Halloween. Before she could grab them, though, Carly, looking like the Soldiers but wearing a red dress and sporting a visible mouth, appeared, brandishing a tiny rapier connected to some string.
One fightscene later, and Sammy wearily got the wings while Carly took off. Suddenly, the three hosts of the Aftermaths appeared and did cartoon ghost noises. When Sammy opened her eyes again and found herself in a tent, Leshaniqua, turned into a dull, drab moth, gave her a Dream Sword and then disappeared.
After a few minutes of scrounging from his friends, Tyler had enough money to buy some health upgrades from Mary, turned into a thin white hemipteran, and Max, turned into a little gray-green fly. In the background, Leonard, turned into a tiny gray beetle, told tall tales to Tammy, turned into a June bug, and Rock, turned into a large gray beetle, mindlessly chomped on a delicate-looking white flower.
Far beneath them, Jasmine beat the crap out of MacArthur, who'd been turned into a fat, teal-shelled, spider-like creature that vomited orange pus. When the Bad Cop was defeated, Jasmine grabbed another upgrade and bumped up the maximum permanent health of the Soldiers from five to six.
Geoff squared off against Jo, who'd been turned into a dull brown praying mantis armed with a sword. After a grueling battle, Geoff won. Jo gave him a range-upgrading Goodie as his reward and opened a door to a dark, cavernous realm filled with spiders.
Geoff promptly fainted.
Noah was a lot braver than Geoff, so he wasn't creeped out by the various monsters of the spider realm. He actually did reasonably well, collecting money with every orb weaver, tarantula, and woodlouse he slaughtered.
But then something happened. He saw...something that looked suspiciously like his older sister Hira. Curious, Noah followed it, only to discover that "Hira" was really Crimson's lure. Crimson had been turned into a skeletal(?) vinegaroon whose insides had been replaced with orange pus.
One fight later, Noah had found Kelly's body, turned into a giant wolf spider and resting on a slab. He beat it up and she exploded in light.
Harold and Leshawna tried to sword jump over the many spikes on the floor, but Leshawna couldn't keep up and eventually fell into a nailbed, losing all of her health and being ejected from the game.
DJ used a key he'd found to open the door to the city's sewers. As soon as the door opened, the key broke into pieces. He nervously entered the sewers and found Taylor, turned into a disgusting sack hanging from the ceiling. She saw him and vomited up tiny baby versions of herself, which promptly ate DJ to death.
However, Taylor's victory was short-lived, for Owen soon charged her and punched her to bits. He then found Junior, turned into a towering yellow whirligig beetle, and bought a stinky yellow egg from him.
Far away, Emma used the egg to pay Katie, turned into a scarab with a turban, and Sadie, turned into a robotic grasshopper, in exchange for getting back the money Leshawna had dropped.
Ryan, turned into a stag beetle (which strangely had small jaws), brought Tyler and Cody to the home of three master swordsmen: Lightning, Brady, and Brody, turned into towering white rhinoceros beetles. They taught them cool swordfighting tricks, although Tyler took longer to get the hang of it.
Beardo found Kitty, who'd been turned into a swallowtail caterpillar and was trapped inside a jar. He broke the jar and let her free, only to awaken Justin, turned into a black shadow monster who promptly summoned the most annoying enemy in the game.
However, after Beardo was defeated, Emma eliminated Justin without so much as a second thought.
Dawn gave Lindsay another Goodie Holder, which Lindsay used to put on a shimmering Goodie made of pink crystals. This allowed Devin to recharge his health faster, and he and Carrie dispatched Sierra, turned into the ghost of a fat white earthworm, and Sam, turned into the ghost of a red moth with a bunch of swords, easily.
Sugar had been turned into an electrokinetic jellyfish for some reason. She quickly zapped Shawn and Jen out of the game, but before she could do the same to Cody, a blue backswimmer with Trent's face showed up and popped her outer skin, letting Cody kick her out of the game. They then found Gerry's body, turned into a green jellyfish-like creature, that Cody entered and then destroyed.
Sammy arrived at the edge of the kingdom, talking with B, who'd been turned into an absolutely massive caterpillar. Then Carly showed up and beat her up again.
End montage.
"Well, with half our Bosses gone, it's time to take a break!" Chris announced. "Who'll die next? Find out after these messages."
Do da do da doo. Commercial break!
"And we're back!" Chris announced to the audience. He was sitting on a throne. "What else are our lucky bugs up to, hm?"
"I don't know," Topher, turned into a white beetle in a uniform, muttered to himself, "and I really don't care."
Suddenly, Tyler arrived, his mask cracked and his body leaking black fluid. "I...hate...saws," he panted, shoving Chris off the throne and taking it himself. He was healed instantly, whereas Chris shattered into pieces. Tyler got off the throne and picked up half of a Goodie resembling a face from Chris' remains, and then the world around him disappeared, leaving him in the real world.
Still in:
Soldiers: Noah, Owen, Emma, Lindsay, Tyler, Cody, Sammy, Geoff, Bridgette, Devin, Carrie, Ella, Harold, Sky, and Jasmine.
Bosses: Heather (God Seeker), Scarlett (Grimm), Zoey (Oblobble), Ennui (Broken Vessel), Alejandro (Traitor Lord), Jacques (God Tamer's steed), Josee (God Tamer), Brick (Hollow Knight), Miles (Soul Master), and Sanders (Hive Knight).
Hosts: Chris (Pale King), Blaineley (White Lady), Chef (Radiance), and Dwayne (Lurien).
NPCs still to be encountered: Staci (Unn), Spud (Relic Seeker Lemm), Chet (Little Fool), Dakota (Eternal Emilitia), Ellody (Millibelle), Rodney (Tiso), Anne Maria (Willoh), Mickey (Menderbug), Jazz (Divine), Zeke (Nailsmith), Beth (Myla), Scott (Leg Eater), Lauren (Marissa), Gwen (Midwife), Dave (Gray Mourner), Courtney (Cloth), Tom (Poggy Thorax), Izzy (Mask Maker), Jay (Gravedigger), Stephanie (Joni), Cameron (Revek), Duncan (Hunter), Amy (Vespa), and Topher (Royal Retainer).
Begin montage.
Geoff and Devin found a torch in the middle of nowhere and decided to light it to see what would happen. They ended up summoning a creepy bug circus led by a demonic red-and black moth played by Scarlett. Despite being absolutely brutal, they won.
However, Devin succumbed to his injuries and was ejected from the game. "Devin!" Geoff exclaimed.
Meanwhile, in the background, Scott, turned into a crazed-looking termite, watched as Jazz, turned into an even bigger termite, upgraded three of Owen's charms. Then Jazz noticed Scott, and then she ate him. Alive.
Jasmine and Sammy were both in a coliseum, fighting off various monster bugs in three trials. In the first, Leonard came back but was easily defeated. Watching from his prison in chains, a little gray whirligig beetle with Chet's face sighed.
In the second, Zoey had been turned into an immense bee that shot pus from all angles.
In the last trial, Rodney, turned into a black beetle, arrived to help...only to be crushed by Jacques, turned into an ancient and massive chelicerate. Riding on his back, turned into a small red cockroach, was Josee.
Jasmine and Sammy gulped.
Carrie and Cody, after fighting a horde of NPC rhinoceros beetles, came across Dwayne's body, turned into a short, squat damselfly. Carrie entered it and destroyed it. Worn out from fighting, they went downstairs to hear Lauren, turned into a ghostly butterfly, sing. Among them were Spud, turned into a Hercules beetle; Ellody, turned into a massive scarab; Tom, turned into a gelatinous-looking water bug; Dakota, turned into an old-looking walkingstick; Cameron, turned into a ghostly treehopper with four horns; Dave, turned into a sad, gray butterfly; and Anne Maria, turned into a towering giraffe weevil.
"This is nice," Carrie said.
"Yeah, it's always nice to take a break," Cody said. He noticed Ellody. "Hey, I think she owes me money..."
Noah panted. "You suck, you know that, right?" he asked Miles, turned into a massive water scorpion with a cape.
Miles shrugged. "Looks like Reiki energy is real in this universe." She materialized a bunch of light again.
Harold nervously ventured into the darkness again. "Hiya, Harold!" Izzy exclaimed. She was a massive vinegaroon with a green cloak. "Want a new face?"
"Uh, no thanks, Izzy. I just want to sit down and catch my breath." He sat down and panted through the spiracles on the sides of his chest. "Chris took away the bench that was supposed to be in this part of the game!"
"Gee, I wonder why," Gwen, turned into a long black trapdoor spider, remarked dryly.
"Tyler?" Beth, turned into a flour beetle wearing a miner's helmet, asked in a mine filled with pink quartz.
"Yeah?"
"I don't feel so good..."
"Kill the maggot, maggot!" Chef's voice barked in her head. Unwillingly, Beth became a zombie and began chasing Tyler with her pick.
Ella's jaw dropped. Her surroundings were completely covered in orange pus. "Oh...my."
Cody nervously tiptoed into a dusty, almost wooden area where the world seemed to grow silent. Not much was alive down here, save for some small orange amoebas made of pus. He found what looked like Ennui, only he looked like the Soldiers, and was also dead. "Huh."
Suddenly, the amoebas began converging on the corpse, and reanimated it. Ennui let out a dull moan and began convulsing.
"Uh-oh."
Emma squared off against Sanders, who'd been turned into a shaggy honeybee. When Sanders was finally defeated, Amy, the ghost of a grotesquely large queen bee, appeared and handed Emma an orange Goodie resembling a honeycomb with a smiley face. When Emma put it on, she gave the Soldiers regenerating health. The maximum health they had had since increased to nine.
After getting a Goodie that let him run while healing from Staci, who'd been turned into a massive leopard slug, Owen saw Blaineley inside a metal shell. Blaineley had been turned into a white poplar with a face.
Feeling naughty, Owen decided to play a trick on her. He put on a Goodie that made him smell bad, then he entered her quarters and farted. The enhanced stench ejected her from the game. All that was left was the other half of Tyler's finding.
Confessional – Owen.
"She kind of had that coming, to be honest. And look! We're almost done the game!"
Harold approached Stephanie, who'd been turned into the ghost of a little blue flour beetle, hovering above a grave. She gave Harold a Goodie shaped like a bunch of blue jellybeans glued together. When he put it on, his team's health turned blue and went up by a substantial amount.
"Sweet," Harold said, impressed.
Sammy gave Zeke, turned into a rhinoceros beetle, a white rock. Zeke hurried into a forge and came back with her sword, which now glowed an eerie white. Satisfied, Zeke turned around and proceeded to yeet himself off the mushroom he was standing on.
Bridgette and Carrie fought against Alejandro, who was also turned into a mantis, albeit bright green and much stockier than Jo. He was proving tough to beat...
That is, until a cicada wearing a burlap sack on its head screamed in Courtney's voice and smacked Alejandro over the head with her club. Alejandro died, but not before driving a razor-sharp forearm through her abdomen.
Geoff approached Duncan, who'd been turned into a massive black scorpion wearing a hoodie. "Not so fast, man," Duncan said, stopping Geoff with a pincer. "You need one more guy to get my mark."
"This guy?" Geoff asked, picking up a little darkling beetle with Mickey's face.
"Yeah, that'll do it."
Jasmine found the bloated body of a massive yellow cockroach. Curious, she decided to use her Dream Sword on it. She ended up entering the bug's mind, where she found Heather, who'd been turned into a bug of the same species as the body.
"So what's your power?" Jasmine asked.
"Oh, I don't fight," Heather grinned evilly. "They do." And all of the previous enemies showed up.
Jasmine gulped. "Blimey."
End montage.
Confessional – Jasmine.
"That well sucked," a battered Jasmine complained.
Still in:
Soldiers: Owen, Emma, Lindsay, Tyler, Sammy, Geoff, Bridgette, Carrie, Ella, Harold, and Jasmine.
Bosses: Brick (Hollow Knight).
Hosts: Chef (Radiance).
NPCs still to be encountered: none.
Soldiers
The Soldiers grouped together outside of a temple resembling a fly's head. "Alright, team, we've only got two bosses left," Emma said. "The first fight will be against The Empty Soldier themselves, and since we haven't seen Brick yet I'm guessing it's going to be played by him. Whoever goes against him should have the most fighting experience out of all of us, so I think Tyler, Geoff, Bridgette, and Jasmine against him first. You four are some of the biggest athletes on this team and you'll need to be strong to knock him down."
"What about the rest of us?" Carrie asked.
"I'm with Dame Carrie, what are we going to do?" Ella asked.
"Glad you asked," Emma smirked. "Harold, Sammy, Carrie, and myself will go after Chef. From what Cody told us about the game, The Brilliance's fight requires a lot of quick thinking and a lot of agility. Ella, Lindsay, and Owen, you're in charge of calling up the Darkness. We're going to need them if we're going to win the game." She handed them the face-shaped Goodie, which was now pitch black. "Good luck, you three."
"We won't let you down, Emira!" Lindsay declared, and the three scampered off.
Confessional – Emma.
"Hey, she was pretty close that time."
Tyler, Geoff, Bridgette, and Jasmine entered the final area. "Hey, where's Brick? All I see are these chains in the floor," Geoff said.
"Maybe to start the fight, we have to break the chains," Bridgette said. There were four chains, and each Soldier headed to one and hacked it with their sword. The chains, old and brittle, broke after a few hits, and Brick came tumbling down from the ceiling.
Brick stood, groaning in pain. He was a much, MUCH bigger version of the Soldiers, his left arm in a sling and his face covered in orange pimples. "Hey guys!" he said cheerfully. Suddenly, his eyes turned orange, and his voice sounded more like Chef's. "KILL DA MAGGOTS!"
"Chef's not having a good day, is he?" Tyler asked as they fought the corrupted Brick.
"I know I'm not," Jasmine growled. "Anyone who's been stuck with Chris for the last four months would be bloody barmy at this stage."
"Good thing we already are!" Geoff whooped. He smacked Brick into the ground. "Okay guys, now it's your turn!"
"Gladly!" Sammy exclaimed as she and the other three ran into the room. "Now, Harold!" Harold sliced Brick's head with his Dream Sword and the four continued on into Brick's mind.
Once inside, the four looked around. "Where's Chef?" Carrie asked. "All I see is this platform, clouds, disembodied stairs, and the sun."
"Carrie?" Harold said nervously.
"Yeah?"
"Chef is the sun." As if on cue, the sun gained wings and teleported to their location. Chef, now a silk moth wearing a toque and with terrible, frightening, glowing yellow eyes, roared to life before them.
"Alright, maggots!" Chef barked, materializing a long row of swords. "Time to see what you're made of!"
Running and dodging the many swords, and the occasional sextant made of yellow plasma, was rough, tiring work, and Harold, Carrie, and Emma didn't make it. But Sammy persisted, running up the various steps so she could reach Chef.
"Why...won't...you...die?" Chef groaned.
"I...don't...wanna!" Sammy retorted. Her shell exploded, and the Darkness within was released as a tentacled monster. Then the entire room exploded into darkness; Ella, Lindsay, and Owen had succeeded in their quest. They merged together into one massive horned monster that materialized a hammer and smashed Chef into oblivion. The world erupted in a flash of light...
...and everyone was shocked to see their old competitors. "Surprise!" Chris said. "Now don't say I never did anything nice for you."
Emma raced over to Kitty and hugged her. Izzy pounced on Owen and began peppering his face with kisses. Mike high-fived Noah and Beardo. Brady and Ryan quickly pulled Devin aside, much to Alejandro's concern.
"Well, now that the reunion's out of the way," Chris shrugged. "Soldiers! You did well and won today with eight members still standing by the time you defeated Chef! Samey, you're our unofficial MVP for landing the killing blow!"
Sammy blushed bashfully. "Take the compliment, Sammy." Sammy's jaw dropped when she saw Amy approach her. "We have to talk."
"Uh...sure thing."
"As your reward, you will get...an all-expenses-paid trip to an arcade tomorrow at nine AM! NPCs, you did a good job bringing the game to life. Your prize will be...blue jellybeans and roasted mealworms."
"No thanks, I've seen enough bugs this year," Jazz quipped.
"Not like you have a choice. Anyway, Bosses. You did well, but not well enough. Meet me at the campfire at eight, Bosses, it's time to vote someone out!"
Confessional – Laurie.
"I'm going to vote for Sugar," she explained as she wrote SUGAR on a piece of paper. "I mean, it's not likely she'll actually get voted out, but who knows?"
Confessional – Sam.
"Whew! What a fun challenge!" Sam exclaimed. "Anyway, by the looks of things, I don't think Alejandro's going to stick around much longer. I mean, Devin almost definitely knows about him if his talk with Ryan and Brady was anything to go by." He wrote ALEJANDRO on a piece of paper.
Confessional – Eva.
"Jasmine did NOT like how Heather got turned into the speedrun boss," Eva explained, writing HEATHER on a piece of paper. "So I offered to knock her out, and my friends agreed that that would be best for all of us."
Confessional – Jacques.
"This game would've been easier to win if someone hadn't messed us up so early on," Jacques complained. "I had to do some...convincing to preserve my deal with the Spanish Serpent, though." He wrote LAURIE on a piece of paper.
"Here's how we do eliminations," Chris said. "We use the marshmallow system here. When I call your name, come get one." Six colored marshmallows sat on the plate this time. "The marshmallows are color-coded to show how many votes you got to plague your minds with drama. White means no votes against you, and the recipients are Scarlett, Zoey, Ennui, Crimson, Jacques, Josee, Eva, Taylor, Miles, Sanders, MacArthur, Sam, Sierra, and Justin."
Next, Chris pointed to the two blue marshmallows on the plate. "Blue means you received only one vote against you. Those people are Brick and Jo."
Jo glared at Brick, but Brick glared back and Jo realized he hadn't voted for her. With a sigh, she relented and stuffed the blue marshmallow into her mouth.
Next, Chris pointed to the two green marshmallows on the plate. "Green means you got more than one vote, but are still safe. Sugar and Alejandro are tied at four votes each."
Sugar gave Alejandro a smug look, as if to say "Tol' ya so."
Two marshmallows remained. "Orange means you're close to being eliminated, and red means you were. Heather. Laurie."
The girls glared at each other.
"Heather, you're a good source of drama, but unfortunately you apparently can't earn your popularity by scaring people here. Which is weird, to be frank with you. Laurie, you failed to keep the Soldiers from a really beneficial charm, so you're also on the chopping block. And, with two votes more...
...
...
...
...
"Heather will stay! Laurie, you're gone! Give Miles your condolences and pack your bags!"
Confessional – Brick.
"Wow, just...wow!" Brick said in shock. "I wasn't expecting THAT!"
Confessional – Alejandro.
Alejandro chuckled darkly. "It is like they say. No one expects the Spanish Inquisition."
"Well, this was certainly a long-[a word] episode!" Chris yawned in his bedroom. "Forty-five down. Thirty-nine remain. Who'll get to continue their story and who'll dream no more? Find out on
"Total.
"Drama!"
He got into bed and turned his light off, then closed his eyes and went to sleep. Unbeknownst to him, Duncan was creeping up on him, a box of ants in his hands. Only his eyes visible after he closed the door behind him, Duncan winked at the camera, and the episode ended there.
Votes:
Heather – Laurie
Sugar – Laurie
Jo – Brick
Scarlett – Sugar
Zoey – Sugar
Ennui – Alejandro
Crimson – Alejandro
Alejandro – Laurie
Jacques – Laurie
Josee – Laurie
Brick – Heather
Eva – Heather
Taylor – Laurie
Miles – Sugar
Laurie – Sugar
Sanders – Heather
MacArthur – Heather
Sam – Alejandro
Sierra – Alejandro
Justin – Jo
Results: 6-4-4-4-1-1 Laurie-Sugar-Alejandro-Heather-Brick-Jo
Eliminated: Staci, Leonard, Tammy, Leshaniqua, Spud, Chet, Dakota (ii), Phil (r), Ellody, Rock, Rodney (t), Anne Maria, Mickey, Jazz (r), Max, Mary, Junior, Zeke (t), Beth, Brody, Scott, Lauren, Brady, Lorenzo (t), Katie, Trent, Kitty, Gwen, Dave, Courtney, Tom, Dawn (t), Izzy (r), Jay, Lightning, Stephanie, Cameron (nj), Ryan, B (ii), Mike (q), Duncan, Amy, Topher, Sadie, Laurie
Known active immunity idols: Josee (Crimson), Owen, Carrie, Tyler, Sammy, Lindsay, Devin, Eva, MacArthur, Ella, Beardo (Noah), Geoff (Geoff), Justin (Ella)
Bonus clip:
In the virtual world, the bug Carly had taken possession of opened her eyes and found The Empty Soldier staring back at her. "Are you okay, brother?" she asked; the Soldier replied in an Eldritch horror-style wail. "I see." Suddenly, a bunch of little treehoppers wearing bells on their heads captured her and put her into a cage, then they ran away with her in tow.
"They really want that sequel, don't they?" asked a talking mushroom. The Empty Soldier shrieked and put their fist through his face, killing him.