With this chapter, THD turns three years old. Thanks for sticking around for this long during this madness AND DON'T FORGET TO VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! V O T E!
Anyway, now it's review time!
Joel Connell: Thanks! Alejandro's chances of sticking around are so slim they could give you a paper cut! Thank goodness I'm a reptile.
Gucci Mane LaFlare: Thanks! Whose Line is a bucket of laughs, I recommend watching 'Scenes From a Hat' compilations to understand the last challenge.
FreneticGrape87: Thanks! The Hispanic couple are the parents of one of the eliminated contestants; you'll find out whose next chapter!
Monday, January 29, 2018
"Last time on Total Drama – our greatest hits! [Geoff trying to sing] We tried to make Chef [Chef not laughing at Brick's "poop deck" joke] laugh last time. Thanks to getting all of their bags to the theater first [Alejandro and Heather making Cody their slave], the Party Quirks won a second turn [Sugar going twice] that won them the challenge! [Jo successfully getting Chef to crack up] On the flipside, the Weird Newscasters [Zoey the decapitated cancer victim, followed by Jen about to make a period joke] failed thanks to Bridgette's big blunder [Alejandro sabotaging Bridgette], and she paid the price by being eliminated. [Bridgette's elimination]"
Pan out to reveal Chris was on a plane. "Today we're doing something different. Earlier today, we broke our contestants into four new teams of seven chumps each. Why? Simple. Each eighth challenge is a Total Drama Field Trip to a location that isn't disclosed...yet." Chris got up from his chair and stretched open his arms widely. "Twenty-eight contestants remain. Who'll find victory peachy keen and who'll be walled out of the winning circle? Find out here on
"Total.
"Drama!"
Theme song
*Instrumental*
A camera appeared from the snow-covered bushes, scaring off a squirrel. Another came from a tree, startling a blue jay. The third popped out of the ground, but this time Harold jumped clear of it, only to hit his head on a low-hanging branch.
Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine
You guys are on my mind
The camera flew across the snowy island, passing Chris looking out at the world from the comfort of his room, Brick trying to learn how to channel another song, Sam playing one of his videogames, Lindsay making a snowman, Crimson and Ennui staring blankly into space, and Shawn running away from a once-again awake Scuba Bear.
You asked me what I wanted to be
And now I think it's plain to see
DJ, Miles, and Laurie were one with the few animals still awake during winter. DJ looked at a drawing of Dawn he'd made for an art class and sighed wistfully.
I wanna be famous
Heather, Josee, and Taylor battled it out on the banks of the frozen lake in a snowball fight. Taylor ended up throwing her snowball at a tree, which dumped snow all over Heather, much to Taylor and Josee's delight.
*Instrumental*
Owen trudged across the ice covering the river, then slipped and faceplanted into the snowbanks. Geoff and Bridgette immediately rushed over to help him up.
I want to live close to the sun
Well, pack your bags cause I've already won.
Jo and Zoey climbed to the top of Bluegrass Hill, where Jo let out a roar that triggered an avalanche beneath them. Jo smiled sheepishly at a confused Zoey.
Everything to prove nothing in my way
I'll get there one day
Chef was making dinner, and Tyler, Sanders, MacArthur, Beardo, and Ella were eying his no-longer-deliberately-bad cooking hungrily.
'Cuz I wanna be famous
Sammy and Cody were making out, and with one of his hands facing backwards Cody accepted a high-five from Sierra.
Na na nana na na nana nana na na na na na naaaaah
Eva, Leshawna, Sky, and Jasmine worked out in the Drama Gym, although Sky was struggling with her weights.
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous
Alejandro had lit the campfire and was standing behind it ominously. Devin and Carrie, unbeknownst to him, were watching, and Carrie raised an eyebrow at Devin as if to say "See? I told you he was evil."
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous.
Topher chatted with Dakota, who was busy with intern work. Behind them, Scarlett was pushing around a snowblowing machine she'd recently invented.
*Whistling*
At the campfire, as the other campers I didn't have time to name looked on excitedly, Noah and Emma looked each other in the eyes...and Jen appeared between them to show off some new designs. Though slightly miffed, Noah and Emma shrugged and struck up a conversation with her.
Black Tortoises: Harold, Sanders, Miles, Leshawna, DJ, Cody, and Heather.
Blue Dragons: Sierra, Justin, Ennui, Crimson, Sugar, Noah, and Taylor.
Red Birds: Jo, Scarlett, Sky, Josee, Jacques, Brick, and Geoff.
White Tigers: Alejandro, Emma, Zoey, Sam, Jasmine, Jen, and Shawn.
Black Tortoises
"Alright everyone, listen up, and listen up good!" Heather barked, strolling down the aisle, watching her six teammates look at her in confusion and annoyance (a healthy mix of both, to be precise). "I'M team captain here, and don't you forget it! If we lose tonight, then one of you is leaving the show! And who I want voted out, gets voted out!"
"Or what, you're gonna annoy us?" Leshawna chuckled. "I'm not scared a' you."
"Well, you should be!" Heather suddenly got in the larger girl's face. "Or so help me I will make your life [h word] for the next three days until Episode 49 comes out!"
"I-I think we'd better do what she says," Harold gulped from his seat.
Leshawna sighed. "Alright, I won't vote for ya. Happy?"
"Yes!" Heather didn't notice that Leshawna was crossing her fingers behind her back.
Confessional – Leshawna.
Leshawna grimaced. "I certainly hope I didn't just jinx myself there."
Confessional – Chris.
"Spoiler alert: she totally did!" Chris laughed.
Blue Dragons
Noah sighed as he stared out the window. "Hey, dude," Justin said. "You okay?"
"No," Noah grumbled. "I'm not. I got half my friends kicked off this show by keeping all my idols in one place."
"Dude, that was all Alejandro, you're not really at fault here. And if you rehid all the idols in different places, you'd constantly have to check on them, and that'd look pretty suspicious."
Noah sighed again. "I know, that's why I hid them all in one place to start with..." He nodded. "Y'know, Justin, you're pretty much the only one who wants anything to do with me on this team. Taylor hates me and Sierra's keeping away so she doesn't [p word] her off, the Goths don't seem thrilled with me voting for them so much, and Sugar..." His eyes widened. "Justin, I think Alejandro might not be in on this alone. How fast he found those idols without having a plan is too unlikely to happen by accident."
"Not much you can do about it, man. He's immune." Noah sighed a third time and looked out the window again.
White Tigers
Alejandro sighed himself, although his sigh was quite a happy one. "This is excellente. Now all of you have to do what I say! After all, I cannot be voted for until the merge."
"That doesn't mean crap, mate," Jasmine scoffed. "We won't vote with ya. We know you're only looking out for yourself, and ya can't muster too many votes for us now that your alliance is bust."
"I had more than one alliance before Devin was eliminated, my friend," Alejandro countered, "and few are so hard to bend as you."
"You seem awfully quiet, Emma," Shawn remarked off to the side. "What's up?"
"I'm trying to figure out where we're headed," Emma lied. "I think we just passed over Japan, so we're definitely not going there."
Confessional – Emma.
"Alejandro thinks his immunity lasts to the merge!" Emma exclaimed in a hushed voice. "This is just the kind of break we've been looking for! All we need to do is build up his ego, and then BAM! As soon as his immunity wears off, we all vote him out! But we're going to need to curry a lot of favors to pull it off..."
Red Birds
"You okay, man?" Brick asked Geoff.
The Party Animal sighed. "Gotta be honest with ya, dude. I'm like, not feeling myself now that Bridgette's gone. My alliance is finished. I'm stuck here all by myself."
"No you aren't!" Brick admonished. "You have your friends! Like me! And alliance or no alliance, we're gonna get through this show and we're gonna ROCK!"
Geoff smiled, drying his eyes. "Dude...wicked speech. Y'think...Bridgette would be proud of me?"
"Well, there's only one way to find out, and that's to win today's challenge. You in?"
"Heck yeah!"
"Louder, soldier!"
"HECK YEAH!"
Off to the side, Jo was silently seething. "Jealous much, Joanna?" Scarlett asked, raising an eyebrow wryly.
"No? Shut it!"
"If you say so." Scarlett turned around, chuckling wryly to herself, while Jo continued to sulk.
"Welcome, one and all, to Huairou, Beijing, China!" Chris announced once they got off the plane. Since it was China and not Canada, the ground was mostly free of snow, and what snow there was was small and patchy. The sky was still gray and dreary though, and there were great clouds of fog that hovered close by.
"Cities in other countries have boroughs too?" Sky asked. "Huh. I mean, it's obvious, but you never really think about it."
"Well, in this borough, we've got part of the Great Wall of China!" Chris pointed to the towering brick structure behind him. "Fun fact: you can't actually see it from space! It's like, really skinny."
"Please tell me we're not gonna run across the whole thing," Cody whimpered. "We'll be dead before we finish."
"No need to worry about that, Mr. Codemeister!" Chris replied. "We're stopping our race after ten minutes of travel time. Here's how part one will work: whoever is alphabetically last on your team, that's Sanders, Taylor, Sky, and Zoey, come on up and get on your team's bike!" Pan left to reveal four bikes. Each bike was color-coded and had a different animal on the flag on its back: the Black Tortoises had a scowling Russian tortoise, the Blue Dragons had a leering cobalt blue Chinese lung, the Red Birds had a screeching...scarlet rosefinch, and the White Tigers had a roaring white Siberian tiger.
"But...Sanders is my last name," Sanders pointed out. "Shouldn't Miles be going for my team instead?" Miles nodded in agreement.
"Well, hardly anyone calls you 'Jessie', so..." Chris shrugged. "Anyway, each of you will start at this tower," he indicated one of the wall's many towers with his right thumb, "and ride until ten minutes have passed. Whoever's covered the most distance by the time limit wins their team an advantage for part two!"
"What about the rest of us? What are we to do until then?" Jacques asked impertinently while Chris led the four racers away.
"The same thing we always do in times like this," Jen snarked, pulling out a bag of popcorn. "Spectate." Suddenly, Chef snatched Jen's popcorn out of her hands. "What? Hey!"
"Sorry, maggot, but we can't allow ya t'eat before part two," Chef explained, locking the bag inside a plastic container. "Y'can have this back after the show."
Confessional – Jen.
"The way Chef reacted suggests that part two is an eating challenge," Jen mused. "It makes sense why I wouldn't be allowed to eat, it'd throw off the results. And, as odd as it may seem, Chris probably wants to keep things as fair as he can."
Confessional – Simon.
"Not out of any good will, mind you, but to keep the fans from complaining about the show," Simon clarified. "That, and he thinks it'll be more fun if nobody cheats."
"Okay everyone, we're here!" Chris said once everyone was at the nearest tower. "You girls ready to race?"
"Yep!"
"Sure!"
"Mm-hm!"
"My nose is cold."
"On your marks...get set..." Chris pulled out his airhorn and blew. "GO!" The four girls began peddling.
"Annnnnnd we're off to a great start! Sky takes the lead early, Sanders not too far behind in second! Taylor's not doing half-bad, considering that she's on the volleyball team I wouldn't be too surprised! Zoey's in last, but here's hoping she pulls through!"
Below, the kids stared in shock. "Chris put his speaker system IN AN INTERNATIONAL LANDMARK?!" DJ shrieked. "That's gotta be all sorts of illegal!"
"Not in, DJ. Over!" Chris pointed to three small teal shapes flying over the girls. "See those? Those are but a small handful of my vast army of Chris Drones! How did you think I pulled off all my fancy aerial shots without a helicopter?"
Distantly, Sylvester, who was operating the drones that day as it was his turn, headdesked in frustration.
"See?!" Heather crowed. "I told you Chris had endless cameras!"
"We would've noticed drones inside the buildings, Heather," Sam pointed out. Heather slumped in disappointment.
Six minutes remaining
Zoey panted as she biked. "So...out of shape. Ho boy, I'm gonna be...so dead after the...challenge..."
"Keep going, Zoey!" Sanders encouraged her. "Do it for the Misfits! You ARE an official member, after all."
"How are you...not...outta breath?"
"Years of endurance training, I guess."
"Bah! Who cares?" Taylor griped. "I'M gonna win the challenge, then I'LL get all the prize money!"
"You wish!" Sky retorted.
"Hey guys!" Chris' voice crackled into being. "We're now halfway through, so I've decided to spice things up! Look behind you at our new competitors!"
The four girls turned around. Chasing them were the animals of the Chinese Zodiac. In order, they consisted of a black rat, a male domestic water buffalo, a South China tiger, a Chinese hare in place of a rabbit, a Chinese alligator in place of a dragon, a Burmese python, a Balikun horse, a Jining Gray goat, a stump-tailed macaque, a fluffy white Silkie chicken cockerel, a pug, and a Beijing Black pig.
"Why an alligator?!" Taylor shrieked.
"Closest thing we had to a dragon! Would've gotten a monitor lizard, but it turns out that the few species of monitor lizard that are native to China aren't particularly big," Chris called from over the drones.
"How...are they not...eating each other?" Zoey asked, confused.
"Muse later! Run NOW!" Sky yelped.
"That was MEAN, man," DJ sighed.
"I know, that rabbit looks terrified," Miles agreed.
"That's a hare, actually. Rabbits aren't native to China and weren't introduced to it until the 1000s-1100s," Noah clarified.
"Oh. Huh."
"Lemme guess: you read a book on bunnies?" Geoff asked, snickering a little.
"I read the entire library twice over when I was a kid, so yeah, there were a lot of books about rabbits in the children's section."
"The children's section?"
"One, I was four when I started, so age-appropriate, and two, I was bored."
One minute remaining
Sanders tried to swerve out of the way of the rampaging buffalo, but was knocked to the side and landed painfully on her left arm. "I thought that thing was tame!" she yelped. "Owwww!"
"There's only so much [cst word] can do, especially if there's a tiger nearby!" Sky replied. She stopped when she realized what had happened. "Oh my god! Jessie, are you okay?"
"Ugh..." Sanders got up. "I landed on my arm...does it look broken to you?"
Sky walked over and gently squeezed it. "Luckily you were going slow enough up these uneven bricks so that you didn't. But you may have pulled or torn something, so we should have it looked at soon."
"And just like that, the Blue Dragons have won part one!" Chris announced out of the blue. "Taylor has gone the greatest distance in ten minutes, followed by Zoey in second, Sky in third, and Sanders in fourth!"
"YES! We won! Thanks to ME!" Taylor bragged as she approached the other Dragons.
"As loathe we are to say this, we must agree," Ennui said monotonously. "Taylor has won it for our team."
"So why are none of you celebrating?" Taylor asked angrily. The other kids didn't look so happy.
"Because Sanders got hurt, and some of us happen to have souls," Noah replied, frowning at her.
Confessional – Noah.
"It gets easier to stand up to bullies the longer we're on this show," Noah remarked. "So I guess something's working."
Confessional – Josee.
"Those foolish enough to get injured have no place in the competition," Josee remarked. "Although I must say that having un buffle in the challenge was not exactly kind of Mr. McLean."
"Well then, now it's time to see your advantage, Blue Dragons!" He handed Sierra a large brown bottle.
"Soy sauce?" Noah asked. His shoulders slumped. "It's an eating challenge, isn't it?"
"Yep! Find out more after these messages."
Do da do da doo. Commercial break!
"And we're back!" Chris announced to the audience. They were now in an inn, which had been reserved specifically for this challenge. "Now on to part two of our challenge: an eating competition! This is a last-man-standing competition, so whichever team has members still in by the end of this challenge wins!
"Here's how this challenge will work. Each round we will present you with bite-sized portions of an authentic Chinese dish. With each successive round, the foods will get grosser and your bellies will get fuller! Elimination occurs whenever someone reaches their squeam limit or their stomach reaches capacity, and considering that the human stomach can stretch itself to fifty times its resting volume, the former's gonna be a LOT more likely!"
"And I guess that our racers will all be really hungry from all that biking?" Harold guessed.
"Correct! And since you all had bikers, none of you get an advantage over the others! Well, not really. Since the Blue Dragons won the last part, they get a bottle of soy sauce to mask the taste of whatever they see fit! Remember though, you only get the one, so use it wisely. And the Black Tortoises..."
"Yeah, yeah, we get it, I'm down a hand," Sanders grumbled. Her left arm was in a sling; she'd pulled her flexor carpi radialis, and her hand was more or less immobile until it healed.
"Alrighty then! Let's begin with round one!"
Round one: mantou.
"We start our round with a traditional steamed bun from northern China," Chris explained as the interns served white buns that looked like curled-up snap bracelets. "Traditionally served steaming." The buns were visibly giving off great clouds of water vapor. "Careful not to burn your fingers!"
"I am so glad we've got infinite refills of water," Geoff said as he gingerly picked up his bun and quickly bit little pieces off of it rapid-fire to minimize burn damage. Noticing his technique, his teammates followed suit.
Still in:
Black Tortoises: Harold, Sanders, Miles, Leshawna, DJ, Cody, and Heather.
Blue Dragons: Sierra, Justin, Ennui, Crimson, Sugar, Noah, and Taylor.
Red Birds: Jo, Scarlett, Sky, Josee, Jacques, Brick, and Geoff.
White Tigers: Alejandro, Emma, Zoey, Sam, Jasmine, Jen, and Shawn.
Round two: chicken feet.
"These feet were made for walking, but no good Chinese chef lets any part of the bird go to waste! None!"
"Awright! Some good vittles fer once!" Sugar beamed on seeing a chicken's foot being served to her.
"It's not that bad, actually," Sierra remarked as she chewed. "It's kind of like a drumstick, only chewy."
Still in:
Black Tortoises: Harold, Sanders, Miles, Leshawna, DJ, Cody, and Heather.
Blue Dragons: Sierra, Justin, Ennui, Crimson, Sugar, Noah, and Taylor.
Red Birds: Jo, Scarlett, Sky, Josee, Jacques, Brick, and Geoff.
White Tigers: Alejandro, Emma, Zoey, Sam, Jasmine, Jen, and Shawn.
Round three: turtle jelly.
"Still no eliminees yet, but that may change!" Chris looked on as the contestants were each served a one-cubic-inch block of black gelatin.
"Is it blackberry? Or licorice?" Miles asked hopefully.
Confessional – Miles.
"I know I'm not actually a vegan anymore, but I'd still rather be a vegetarian. Laurie too; she and I are still getting re-used to what animal tastes like. Milk and eggs are fine, though."
"Dunno, but it's sweet," Leshawna remarked. Miles shrugged and started slurping.
Chris eyed her wickedly. "Guess what, guys? It's not fruit-flavored. Nope, it's golden coin turtle-flavored!" Miles choked. "Annnnd we have our first elimination!"
Confessional – Miles and Emma.
"That. Was. EVIL!" Miles exclaimed. "Those turtles are critically endangered!"
"You REALLY think most Chinese people care about environmental conservation?" Emma asked dryly. "My family and the government are the only exceptions that I can think of at the top of my head."
Still in:
Black Tortoises: Harold, Sanders, Leshawna, DJ, Cody, and Heather.
Blue Dragons: Sierra, Justin, Ennui, Crimson, Sugar, Noah, and Taylor.
Red Birds: Jo, Scarlett, Sky, Josee, Jacques, Brick, and Geoff.
White Tigers: Alejandro, Emma, Zoey, Sam, Jasmine, Jen, and Shawn.
Round four: fermented tofu.
"Since most people in China can't digest milk, the curds they ferment come a lot more...directly from the ground. Feast your eyes on Hunan-style stinky tofu!"
Brick inspected his piece. "Looks like a burnt grilled-cheese sandwich." He took a bite. "Kind of tastes like one, too."
"Rotten meat is more like it!" Jacques gagged.
Still in:
Black Tortoises: Harold, Sanders, Leshawna, DJ, Cody, and Heather.
Blue Dragons: Sierra, Justin, Ennui, Crimson, Sugar, Noah, and Taylor.
Red Birds: Jo, Scarlett, Sky, Josee, Brick, and Geoff.
White Tigers: Alejandro, Emma, Zoey, Sam, Jasmine, Jen, and Shawn.
Round five: duck blood.
"The Chinese sure love ducks, although I'm not quite sure the ducks love them!" Small blocks of dull reddish-brown paste collectively thudded onto their plates.
"I can't do this," Justin gagged after trying (and failing) to get his piece down. Heather, Taylor, and Alejandro had similar reactions.
Still in:
Black Tortoises: Harold, Sanders, Leshawna, DJ, and Cody.
Blue Dragons: Sierra, Ennui, Crimson, Sugar, and Noah.
Red Birds: Jo, Scarlett, Sky, Josee, Brick, and Geoff.
White Tigers: Emma, Zoey, Sam, Jasmine, Jen, and Shawn.
Round six: bee pupae.
"Butterflies and moths aren't the only insects that start off as grubs and turn into winged things. Flies, beetles, ants, wasps, and bees do too! And funny thing about the pupae: they can't run!"
"This feels mean," Jen grimaced as she inspected the three pupae skewered on a stick in her hand. She couldn't get past the first one. "Ugh..."
Still in:
Black Tortoises: Harold, Sanders, Leshawna, DJ, and Cody.
Blue Dragons: Sierra, Ennui, Crimson, Sugar, and Noah.
Red Birds: Jo, Scarlett, Sky, Josee, Brick, and Geoff.
White Tigers: Emma, Zoey, Sam, Jasmine, and Shawn.
Round seven: water chestnuts.
"Contrary to their name, these things are actually roots!"
"Corms, actually," Scarlett corrected him.
"SPICY!" Cody gasped after biting into his.
"I'm just gonna...take that soy sauce now." Sierra did so and tried to eat her corm. "AAAAAH! IT MADE IT WORSE!"
Still in:
Black Tortoises: Harold, Sanders, Leshawna, and DJ.
Blue Dragons: Ennui, Crimson, Sugar, and Noah.
Red Birds: Jo, Scarlett, Sky, Josee, Brick, and Geoff.
White Tigers: Emma, Zoey, Sam, Jasmine, and Shawn.
Round eight: fried pig intestines.
"Frankly, I don't see what's so gross about these, pretty much every culture eats intestines."
"Well, tell whoever made this that if you can't chew it, you're doing something wrong," Jasmine gagged.
"Agreed, sister," Leshawna grimaced.
Still in:
Black Tortoises: Harold, Sanders, and DJ.
Blue Dragons: Ennui, Crimson, Sugar, and Noah.
Red Birds: Jo, Scarlett, Sky, Josee, Brick, and Geoff.
White Tigers: Emma, Zoey, Sam, and Shawn.
Round nine: tuna eyeball.
"You can't tuna fish, but can you tuna (n) eyeball?"
"Not even gonna dignify that," Noah grimaced. "I'm sorry guys, it was fun, but this is too much for me."
"I thought you liked gross foods!" Heather said from the table where the eliminees recovered.
"That's Owen. I like spicy foods, not...fish eyes!"
"Well, in that case you're gonna be sorry that you missed this!" Chris declared.
Sugar smelled a familiar scent. "Aw, [h word]."
Still in:
Black Tortoises: Harold, Sanders, and DJ.
Blue Dragons: Ennui, Crimson, and Sugar.
Red Birds: Jo, Scarlett, Sky, Josee, Brick, and Geoff.
White Tigers: Emma, Zoey, Sam, and Shawn.
Round ten: thousand-year egg.
"Remember the century eggs I used in Le Stink Bomb a la Chris from a while back? This is what they turn into if you leave them around for even longer!"
"I can't eat this," DJ said. "I do not like green eggs, my man. I do not like them; do you, Sam?"
"No, I don't, these are absolutely disgusting," Sam frowned.
"Tell me about it," Sky added.
Still in:
Black Tortoises: Harold and Sanders.
Blue Dragons: Ennui, Crimson, and Sugar.
Red Birds: Jo, Scarlett, Josee, Brick, and Geoff.
White Tigers: Emma, Zoey, and Shawn.
Round eleven: balut.
"The eggs we eat aren't fertilized. This egg is."
Emma looked ill at the pasty pink duck fetus. "I can't continue, my stomach can't take any more of this."
"Ha! The short girl has filled up already!" Josee cackled.
"Josee, you're one inch taller than me," Emma retorted.
Confessional – Harold.
"I've had crunchy eggs before, but this is new," Harold mused as he chewed, audibly crunching the delicate bones of the fetus.
Still in:
Black Tortoises: Harold and Sanders.
Blue Dragons: Ennui, Crimson, and Sugar.
Red Birds: Jo, Scarlett, Josee, Brick, and Geoff.
White Tigers: Zoey and Shawn.
Round twelve: dried seahorse.
"Traditional medicine loves seahorses for some reason. Don't look like they have much meat on them."
"I refuse to eat an innocent seahorse," Sanders declared. "Good day, sir." She got up and joined the others off to the side.
"And with that, the Black Tortoises are down to one!" Chris leered at Harold. "When will he crack?"
"Personal space, man! Gosh!"
Still in:
Black Tortoises: Harold.
Blue Dragons: Ennui, Crimson, and Sugar.
Red Birds: Jo, Scarlett, Josee, Brick, and Geoff.
White Tigers: Zoey and Shawn.
Round thirteen: rabbit skull.
"Get ahead of the rest with this meal! Mind the teeth."
Ennui and Crimson wordlessly got up and left. "Wow, I was not expecting that!" Zoey exclaimed.
"It's 'cuz of Ennui's bun back home," Shawn explained. "I guess this was too disturbing even for them."
"I guess. I know I would be upset if Chris served me hamster or cat. I wouldn't be able to help thinking I was eating Miss Puffycheeks or Perky!" Zoey shuddered.
"Oh, really?" Chris grinned evilly.
Still in:
Black Tortoises: Harold.
Blue Dragons: Sugar.
Red Birds: Jo, Scarlett, Josee, Brick, and Geoff.
White Tigers: Zoey and Shawn.
Round fourteen: whole roasted cat.
"AN ENTIRE CAT?!" the contestants shrieked.
"It's for the table!" Chris replied. "Notice how there's only one? You don't have to eat all of it, just some of it to make it to the next round."
"No way!" Zoey said as she left.
"Like, you've gone too far, man!" Harold added, joining her.
"See you later, Chris!" Brick growled.
"The laws of biomagnification declare that eating a predator such as a cat will be bad for my health," Scarlett scowled.
"Yeah, and isn't cat meat illegal in China?" Jen asked from the sidelines.
"You're thinking of Vietnam."
Shawn gulped. "C'mon, Shawn, you'd have to eat a dead cat if there was a zombie apocalypse..." He tentatively nibbled the tail, while Josee, Jo, and Geoff each took a small bite out of the cat's left hindlimb.
Sugar, however, greedily snatched the rest of the animal and started eating it without any hint of dignity. This prompted many of the teens on the sidelines to puke.
Confessional – Justin.
"Well, I guess Sugar's a dog person," Justin groaned. "Oh, my poor stomach..."
Still in:
Black Tortoises: N/A.
Blue Dragons: Sugar.
Red Birds: Jo, Josee, and Geoff.
White Tigers: Shawn.
Round fifteen: ram's [co word].
"The Black Tortoises are gone! We only have three teams and five people left. Who will win? Who will lose? WHO WILL QUESTION THEIR SEXUALITY AFTER EATING THIS THING?!"
"...it's an animal's [pe word], isn't it?" Jo asked sardonically, eying the singular noodly brown thing on the plate in front of them. "'Cuz the entire thing's pixelated." Indeed, it was.
"Yep! Specifically, sheep! Supposedly it makes you a better lover." Josee looked uneasy at hers, and silently left the table in shame.
"I think that the only thing it really gives you is chlamydia," Shawn said as he left the table. Jo, Sugar, and Geoff exchanged a look before taking small bites out of the organ's base. Geoff's bite was noticeably smaller than the bites the girls took.
Confessional – Shawn.
"Wait...why wasn't 'chlamydia' censored?" He paused. "There it is again!"
Still in:
Black Tortoises: N/A.
Blue Dragons: Sugar.
Red Birds: Jo and Geoff.
White Tigers: N/A.
Round sixteen: boiled sandfish.
"It's not a fish at all, nor is it a plant. The sandfish is a sea cucumber, distantly related to sea urchins and starfish!" Chris placed in front of them boiled, squishy, lumpy gray things that, on closer inspection, were a kind of very bizarre-looking animal.
"And people have eaten starfish before on this show, but not me, and I'm not gonna start," Jo declared. "This thing reeks. And it literally eats poop for a living, I'm not touching that at all!" She stomped off.
"Uhhhh..." Geoff nervously took a small bite out of the biggest one on the plate.
"So full..." Sugar groaned. "I shouldn'ta eaten them bee cocoons."
"Gee, seventy percent of a cat wasn't what did it?!" Taylor snarked.
Still in:
Black Tortoises: N/A.
Blue Dragons: N/A.
Red Birds: Geoff.
White Tigers: N/A.
"It's fairly obvious who won today's challenge," Chris said. "Congratulations, Geoff, you've won it for the Red Birds! Anything you wanna say?"
"I think I'm gonna be in the bathroom for like, at least three hours," Geoff groaned. "One hour for poopin', the other two for cryin' 'bout all those poor animals."
Chris shrugged. "Hey, I didn't come up with these gross foods. That was all a bunch of poor people who were denied the right to good food by the rich."
"This episode's gonna get us banned in China, isn't it?" Noah snarked.
"Actually, we already are, because of the whole LGBT+-friendly thing," Sierra explained.
"I see."
"Their loss," Chris grinned. "Anywho, the Blue Dragons came in second place and the White Tigers in third. Both of you are safe! Black Tortoises, you came in fourth, so you lose! Meet me in third class at eight, Black Tortoises, it's time to vote someone out!"
Confessional – Sam and Dakota.
"If we're banned in China, then how was Chris able to make this episode in China?" Sam asked.
"I don't know," Dakota sighed, "but I think he might've bribed someone."
Confessional – Random Chinese Government Official.
"Nǐ shénme dōu méi kànjiàn!" the man shouted furiously, a very conspicuous stack of money sticking out of his left pants pocket. He noticed it at last, and laughed nervously to the camera.
Black Tortoises
"Okay suckers, lissen up!" Heather barked. She'd gathered Harold, Miles, Leshawna, DJ, and Cody while Sanders was in the bathroom. "I think it's obvious who I want you to vote for."
"Sanders is a great competitor!" Cody gasped on realization. He sneered at her. "What makes you think we'll do your bidding?"
Heather replied by socking him in the eye with enough force to send him to the floor. The other teens gasped. "Because I'll do that to your OTHER eye if you fail to get her eliminated! Zhīdàole?"
Confessional – Cody.
"I'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorry," Cody whimpered, his right eye visibly bruised, as he shakily wrote SANDERS on a piece of paper.
Confessional – Heather.
"I usually don't speak my mom's native language," Heather shrugged as she wrote SANDERS on a piece of paper. "But hey, it's the China episode, I felt it fit."
Confessional – Leshawna.
"If Heather thinks force is gonna get me t' vote with her, she's wrong," Leshawna growled as she wrote HEATHER on a piece of paper. "In fact, it makes me wanna vote her out harder."
Confessional – Harold.
"I wanna see Heather gone too, but like, I don't think it's smart to vote for her today," Harold explained as he wrote MILES on a piece of paper. "So I'm gonna take a third option and vote for Miles, who like, isn't gonna be very helpful in later challenges."
"Here's how we do eliminations," Chris said. "We use the marshmallow system here. When I call your name, come get one." Only three marshmallows were colored. "The marshmallows are color-coded to show how many votes you got to scale the Great Wall of Drama. White means no votes against you, and the recipients are Harold, Leshawna, DJ, and Cody. Whoa, Cody! What happened to your eye?"
"Take a guess," Leshawna said bitterly, glaring at Heather. Heather flipped her off in response, her finger pixelated.
Next, Chris pointed to the lone blue marshmallow on the plate. "Blue means you received only one vote against you. And Miles, that would be yours." Miles shrugged and got her marshmallow.
"Green means you got more than one vote, but are still safe. Once again, not a one of them." Two marshmallows remained. "Orange means you're on the chopping block, and red means you got chopped. Heather. Sanders."
Heather's jaw dropped, surprised that she'd still been voted for.
"Heather, your refusal to help others out has cost you a lot of friends. But Sanders, not only did your refusal to eat a seahorse cost your team the win, you also got your team to lose part one. With one vote more...
...
...
...
...
"Sanders! You! ARE! DONE!"
Confessional – Heather.
"Only a third of the votes actually went to me," Heather frowned. "But Sanders is gone, and I only got two, so I'm counting that as a win in my book."
"Welp, looks like there's another country that knows Total Drama!" Chris stood in the middle of the plane. "I can't wait for the next one! Fifty-seven down. Twenty-seven remain. Who'll bring honor to us all and who won't be a girl worth fighting for? Find out on
"Total.
"Drama!"
Suddenly, the ghost of the cat that had been killed for the show possessed Chris and made him puke on the floor. Revenge is MINE, evil man! he mewled, then jumped out to let the ghosts of the other dead animals (along with the ghosts of one water chestnut plant, one soybean plant, and a few dozen stalks of wheat) line up to do the same.
Votes:
Harold – Miles
Sanders – Heather
Miles – Sanders
Leshawna – Heather
DJ – Didn't vote
Cody – Sanders
Heather – Sanders
Results: 3-2-1 Sanders-Heather-Miles
Eliminated: Staci, Leonard, Tammy, Leshaniqua, Spud, Chet, Dakota (ii), Phil (r), Ellody, Rock, Rodney (t), Anne Maria, Mickey, Jazz (r), Max, Mary, Junior, Zeke (t), Beth, Brody, Scott, Lauren, Brady, Lorenzo, Katie, Trent, Kitty (t), Gwen, Dave (ii), Courtney, Tom, Dawn (t), Izzy (r), Jay, Lightning, Stephanie, Cameron (nj), Ryan, B, Mike (q), Duncan, Amy, Topher, Sadie, Laurie, [Owen, Carrie, Sammy, Tyler, Lindsay, Devin, Eva, MacArthur, Ella, and Beardo] (ii), Bridgette, Sanders
Known active immunity idols: Josee (Crimson), Geoff (Geoff), Justin (Ella)
Future eliminations immunized against: Alejandro (7)
Bonus clip:
The owner of the inn sighed as he mopped the floor, which was covered in vomit. "Zhēnshi làngfèi shíwù...dāngrán, zhè juéduì lìng rén ěxīn, dàn tāmen zhìshǎo kěyǐ zài cèsuǒ lǐ ǒutù..."