Review time! Also, apparently I forgot to announce that the fic turned four years old last October, so here we go! It's four+ years old now!
amit .avrashmi: Thanks! I figured it was only a matter of time before Sugar did something violent, I always regarded her as the type to eventually snap and assault someone she didn't like. Part of it's the stress of the competition, though, these kids have been around Chris for way too long. Man's a bad influence.
Shadowguy015: He's certainly doing pretty well!
Gucci Mane LaFlare: Thanks! I took a long break specifically to keep myself from burning out on account of how crazy my job can be. Coordinating all those Toons and dinosaurs while dealing with my own medical issues...it's not easy. But I'm glad you liked it! And I never liked Sugar all that much, so that's why she was sidelined for so much of the fic. She mostly survived this far because of dumb luck.
Joel Connell: Thanks! Alejandro didn't comment on it because he was still in shock over being eliminated, so it didn't immediately register until Chris implied that his mass elimination was being undone, thus making all of his efforts to get one over Noah worthless. And Sugar's not the only one who shot herself in the foot last chapter...
Concerned Fan: Thanks! I liked getting rid of Sugar too, I hate people like that in real life AND in fiction. Luckily for us in the staff, Sugar the Toon is a lot more tolerable than Sugar the role. Just as a heads-up, life's been very busy as of late and I've been feeling burned out by everything, so that's why updates are so sporadic these days. Rest assured, I'm still alive. If I die or get critically injured in such a way that terminates my career, there would be an update written by one of my staff members saying so. If there isn't, I'm just busy.
Wednesday, February 28, 2018
"Last time on Total Drama – we took a shot in the dark! [Ella getting spooked by Ennui] Our lucky kids went on a three-part scavenger hunt to find their way to yours truly! [Jo standing on Owen's shoulders] Complicating things was the presence of one very large and angry spider who had his many eyes set on taking the kids away to his lair! [the spider footprint; cut to Sky's disappearance] Team Chris is Really, Really, Really, Really Hot pulled through and won the challenge! [a montage of Owen moments from the previous episode] Team Amazon, once again, placed in last due to the spider choosing to target them and only them! [the spider coming in with Cody and Carrie] Although Ella soothed the savage beast [Ella's song], it wasn't enough to make up for lost time. Sugar didn't like this [Sugar attacking Ella] and the team didn't like Sugar. [Sugar's elimination]"
Chris stood at the Dock of Shame. "Twenty-eight contestants remain once again. Who'll scavenge up a win and who'll creep away in shame for their failure? Find out here on
"Total.
"Drama!"
Theme song
*Instrumental*
A camera appeared from the snow-covered bushes, scaring off a squirrel. Another came from a tree, startling a blue jay. The third popped out of the ground, but this time Harold jumped clear of it, only to hit his head on a low-hanging branch.
Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine
You guys are on my mind
The camera flew across the snowy island, passing Chris looking out at the world from the comfort of his room, Brick trying to learn how to channel another song, Sam playing one of his videogames, Lindsay making a snowman, Crimson and Ennui staring blankly into space, and Shawn running away from a once-again awake Scuba Bear.
You asked me what I wanted to be
And now I think it's plain to see
DJ, Miles, and Laurie were one with the few animals still awake during winter. DJ looked at a drawing of Dawn he'd made for an art class and sighed wistfully.
I wanna be famous
Heather, Josee, and Taylor battled it out on the banks of the frozen lake in a snowball fight. Taylor ended up throwing her snowball at a tree, which dumped snow all over Heather, much to Taylor and Josee's delight.
*Instrumental*
Owen trudged across the ice covering the river, then slipped and faceplanted into the snowbanks. Geoff and Bridgette immediately rushed over to help him up.
I want to live close to the sun
Well, pack your bags cause I've already won.
Jo and Zoey climbed to the top of Bluegrass Hill, where Jo let out a roar that triggered an avalanche beneath them. Jo smiled sheepishly at a confused Zoey.
Everything to prove nothing in my way
I'll get there one day
Chef was making dinner, and Tyler, Sanders, MacArthur, Beardo, and Ella were eying his no-longer-deliberately-bad cooking hungrily.
'Cuz I wanna be famous
Sammy and Cody were making out, and with one of his hands facing backwards Cody accepted a high-five from Sierra.
Na na nana na na nana nana na na na na na naaaaah
Eva, Leshawna, Sky, and Jasmine worked out in the Drama Gym, although Sky was struggling with her weights.
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous
Alejandro had lit the campfire and was standing behind it ominously. Devin and Carrie, unbeknownst to him, were watching, and Carrie raised an eyebrow at Devin as if to say "See? I told you he was evil."
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous.
Topher chatted with Dakota, who was busy with intern work. Behind them, Scarlett was pushing around a snowblowing machine she'd recently invented.
*Whistling*
At the campfire, as the other campers I didn't have time to name looked on excitedly, Noah and Emma looked each other in the eyes...and Jen appeared between them to show off some new designs. Though slightly miffed, Noah and Emma shrugged and struck up a conversation with her.
Ice Dancers
"I certainly hope Chris puts us with Eva today," Josee said as she and Jacques did their morning stretches in the Drama Gym's underground dance arena.
"Why?" Jacques asked. "We dislike the Misfits, and with the Spanish braggart gone we have no need for their assistance. And after her outburst in the last episode, my already minuscule desire to be close to that tracksuit-wearing gorilla is even smaller still."
"Oh, mon cherie, don't you see?" his girlfriend asked slyly. "Eva is in a tight spot right now! She hasn't been playing this game for a month, and she's already lost her temper! It would be so easy to convince others to vote her off, even if she's not on our team today!"
Jacques grinned. "Ah, a splendid idea! I just hope that you are right and Chris puts us with Eva today."
"Well, why don't we find out?" Chris asked, popping up next to them, also doing stretches, specifically one where his left leg was stretched up and lying on the railing the teens. He suddenly developed a pained expression and removed his leg. "OW! I think I pulled something," he whined as he rubbed his sore thigh.
"Old man," Jacques and Josee muttered together.
"I'M THIRTY!"
Confessional – Cody.
"Yeah, thirty plus eight. Wait...how did I know he said that?"
"I feel like we've had this conversation on this show before," Noah said from outside the confessional.
Sometime later
"Today we'll be breaking you into seven teams of four chumps apiece," Chris announced at the campfire. "Remember our sin teams from the Christmas challenge? Well, we're doing a reversal and going for the virtues this time! First up, Sammy, Carrie, Owen, and Lindsay. You will be the Kindly Kingfishers! Your color is friendly light purple.
"Next up, Scarlett, Jasmine, Ennui, and Crimson. You will be the Tempered Tortoises! Your color is pistachio green."
"'Tempered'?" Devin asked.
"Opposite of gluttony," Scarlett explained.
"Ah."
"I'm glad you spoke up, Devin, because you're on the next team! And so are Cody, Noah, and DJ. You will be the Charitable Chipmunks! Your color is dark sapphire blue.
"Next, Brick, Ella, Taylor, and Beardo. You will be the Chaste Chuckwallas! Your color is soft aqua."
"'Chaste'?" Beardo asked, confused.
"We're all single," Brick explained.
"I guess that makes sense. But what the heck's a chuckwalla?"
"It's a big, fat lizard that lives in the desert," Chris explained. "A phrase which also perfectly describes the people who cancelled my old shows. Anywho, Leshawna, Emma, Sky, and MacArthur. You will be the Humble Herrings! Your color is oily brown.
"Next, Jacques, Josee, Eva, and Jen. You will be the Diligent Damselflies! Your color is coffee brown." Jacques and Josee grinned deviously at each other, unsettling Jen greatly. "And everyone else, you're the Patient Pangolins! Your color is soothing azure."
"Ugh, finally!" Jo griped, showing how poor a fit she was for that team's virtue.
Kindly Kingfishers: Sammy, Carrie, Owen, and Lindsay.
Tempered Tortoises: Scarlett, Jasmine, Ennui, and Crimson.
Charitable Chipmunks: Devin, Cody, Noah, and DJ.
Chaste Chuckwallas: Brick, Ella, Taylor, and Beardo.
Humble Herrings: Leshawna, Emma, Sky, and MacArthur.
Diligent Damselflies: Jacques, Josee, Eva, and Jen.
Patient Pangolins: Harold, Tyler, Jo, and Justin.
"So what's the challenge?" Leshawna asked. "I hope you didn't jus' call us out here to make us into teams."
"Of course not! You know me better than that!" Chris scoffed. "I wanted to build up the suspense is all. Today we're doing...drumroll please...Beardo..." Beardo reluctantly provided it. "Creating your own challenges!"
"Really?!" Owen asked, gasping with delight.
"No!" Owen slumped. "Four of your eliminated classmates have come up with challenges for you guys to compete in. One person from each team will partake in the challenge, and each successfully completed challenge will earn your team between one and ten points depending on how well you did. Failed challenges will give your team zilch. Nada. Nilch. Whoever has the most points at the end of the day wins! And whoever has the least will lose!"
"But why don't we get to make the games?" Lindsay asked.
"Because there's twenty-eight of you here and I only have enough daylight to set up four challenges," Chris shrugged. "Having four randomly-selected eliminated contestants make the challenges was simply faster."
"Ohhhhhh," Lindsay said, nodding in understanding. "I get it. Thanks, Chrome!"
"It's...you know what? Never mind. Let's get cracking."
Confessional – Lindsay.
"I knew his name, really, I just wanted to see what would happen. Izzy taught me how to troll while I was off the show." Lindsay paused. "Do I gotta go under a bridge now?"
Confessional – Ice Dancers.
"As much as it pains me to say it, if we are to get rid of Eva we must..." Josee shuddered. "Lose."
"Well, let us hope there are some plausible ways to do so in these presumably lame ideas by our classmates," Jacques grimaced.
The Forked Maple
"First up is a challenge made by everyone's favorite sha-jock, Lightning!" Chris grinned. "It's an American football challenge! Whoever is alphabetically first on your teams, so that's Carrie, Ennui, Cody, Beardo, Emma, Eva, and Harold, will throw an American football from one end of our impromptu field to the other! The greater the distance, the better your score! Buuuuuut! There's a TWIST!"
"Ooooof course there is," Emma groaned.
"You must first run a 30-meter hurdle race! Complete the race and THEN throw! And if you hit a hurdle, you lose some points! Begin!"
Confessional – Sky.
"Having known Lightning for a while, I gotta say that the twist in the first challenge is kind of brutal, even for him. Plus, Lightning usually favors his arms over his legs, so a hurdle race is an odd choice for him..." She gasped. "Assuming that it was his idea at all."
The hurdle race began at the base of the Forked Maple and ran for thirty meters (or ninety-eight feet and five inches plus change) before leading up to a gridiron football field consisting of a white line in the frozen ground and a goal post (really just three planks nailed together, mounted on top of a wooden pole, and painted yellow) 360 feet (or 109 meters and 72.8 centimeters) away from the line, with smaller lines between them denoting every tenth yard. Two-foot-tall hurdles were placed at seven-foot intervals, making fourteen per track and ninety-eight in all.
The seven teens chosen for the challenge lined up at the starting line. Chris blew his airhorn, and then they began running. It was pretty hard to jump over the hurdles considering how hard it was for most of the kids to jump that high, especially considering how close together they were; Emma and Cody got sent back to the start at least twice.
Eva was halfway down the race when she heard a scream. She turned around and saw that Beardo had tripped over a hurdle in such a way that he'd wound up hitting his forehead on another, his hair unable to take the hit due to the angle of it. "Beardo!" she exclaimed, rushing over to her alliancemate's side. "Are you alright?"
"Ohhhh..." Beardo groaned, woozy. "I'm not sure I can...still run."
Eva grimaced. "Yeah, but I'm not going to let you lose. C'mon, up you go." She hefted him over her shoulder, turned around, and powered her way down the track. Grabbing Beardo had put her far behind the others; even Emma and Cody were ahead of her. Eventually, though, they made it to the field and grabbed their color-coded foam footballs with the other kids. Behind them, Chris was about to make a mark on his scoring sheet when Dakota shook her head at him.
Beardo's throw was weak due to his head injury, only making it six feet. Eva's went far longer, flying down a good three-fifths of the field before landing. Between those two distances came Harold, Cody, Emma, Carrie, and Ennui's throws.
"And that's that!" Chris said. "Now, Eva, Beardo, normally I'd disqualify the both of you because Eva helped another team and Beardo didn't actually run. However, Dakota has so helpfully pointed out that I didn't make an explicit rule against helping. So! Eva, with a distance covering 61.22% of the field (220'4"), you've scored a 6.122 out of 10! Minus no points for hitting a hurdle...but I'm still taking away five points for helping Beardo. Damselflies, your final score is 1.122!" Jacques and Josee scowled, disappointed that Eva's score wasn't lower.
"Ennui, you made it down exactly thirty percent of the field (108'), so you've scored a 3 out of 10! Minus no points for hitting a hurdle! Your final score still stands at 3, Tortoises!
"Carrie, you made it down 17.5% of the field (63'), which is surprising coming from you! Anywho, you've scored a 1.75 out of ten! Minus 0.5 points for hitting four hurdles! Kingfishers, your final score is 1.35!"
"Uh...why is it 0.5 and not 0.4?" Carrie asked.
"I think Chris calculates your final score by multiplying it by the proportion of hurdles you made it over without hitting," Harold said. "So like, you made it over ten of the fourteen hurdles but hit four of them, and five-sevenths of 1.75 is 1.25."
"Oh! I get it!" She frowned. "Tricky math is hard to do when all your blood's going to your legs."
Chris ignored them. "Emma, you made it down just over 14% of the field (50'5"), so you've scored a 1.4 out of ten! Minus 0.7 points for hitting seven hurdles! Herrings, your final score is 0.7!"
"Hopefully the next challenge makes it easier to get bigger scores," Emma remarked.
"Don't quit your day job, kid."
"This IS my day job."
"I know." Emma made a face. "Cody, you made it down 10.02% of the field (36'1"), so you've scored a 1.002 out of ten! Minus 0.358 points for hitting five hurdles! Chipmunks, your final score is 0.644!
"Harold, you made it down 4.49% of the field (16'2"), so you've scored a 0.449 out of ten! Minus 0.352 points for hitting one hurdle! Pangolins, your final score is 0.417!
"And lastly, Beardo. You made it down a measly 1.67% of the field (6'0"), so you've scored a 0.16 out of ten! Minus 0.24 points for hitting two hurdles at the same time!" He laughed cruelly. "How did you even manage that, man?" Beardo looked ashamedly at his feet. "Chuckwallas, your final score is 0.143! Not looking very hot, guys."
"Nice job, Beardface!" Taylor scolded.
"Taylor, it was an accident. It could've happened to any one of us," Brick protested.
"So?! He let us down!"
Confessional – Jacques.
"Not as much as Eva did not let us down. This...complicates things."
Scores:
Kindly Kingfishers: 1.35
Tempered Tortoises: 3
Charitable Chipmunks: 0.644
Chaste Chuckwallas: 0.143
Humble Herrings: 0.7
Diligent Damselflies: 1.122
Patient Pangolins: 0.417
"Our next challenge is from our old buddy Shawn. Well, 'buddy' may not be the right term. 'Wacko conspiracy theory-addicted acquaintance' might be a better one."
"Dude, just get on with it!" Jo complained.
"Luckily, Shawn is successfully recovering from his zombie addiction and instead concocted a more normal challenge: hop from tree to tree without touching the ground! Touch the ground, you start alllllll over!"
"And DIE!" DJ yelped. "Falling out of a tree ONCE will break our heads open!" He shuddered at the thought.
"Don't worry, Deej! We're using the baby trees and proper safety protocols." Chris discreetly pressed a button on his remote and a grove of eleven-foot-tall robotic oak trees popped out of the ground, soon followed by a foot-thick layer of soft foam. "Every time you fall off a tree, you lose a tenth of a point. There are ten trees per team, and to qualify for a full point you need to get all the way up to the platform at the top without falling off of that tree. Luckily for you, if you successfully make it past a tree, you can't lose more than the number of the tree two before the one you fell from. So, for example, if you fall from tree six, you can't have a score lower than four points."
"Is there a twist?" Devin asked.
"Yep! Monkeys that want to knock you down!" A group of robotic white-faced capuchins jumped into the trees. "Lindsay, Jasmine, Devin, Brick, Leshawna, Jacques, and Jo, this one's for you. Good luck!"
Leshawna panted as she pulled herself up the first of her trees. "UGH! And now I gotta jump to the next one...that foam don't look that soft."
"I'm not a fan of heights either," Jasmine agreed from her first tree's platform. "Since I'm so tall, a fall would hurt me a lot more than it would most people." She grimaced as she swatted a monkey out of the tree. "Monkeys aren't exactly Shawn's style. Perhaps he's trying to break off his zombie addiction by replacing them with a real animal?"
"Not sure. Sky said she thinks Chris' tamperin' wit' the challenges to make 'em harder."
Jasmine frowned as she jumped into her second tree and landed on the platform, causing the tree to sway a bit. "Bloody oath, I wouldn't put it past him to do that. It is strange that Lightning added hurdles to his challenge; last I knew he hated them."
Leshawna jumped and managed to catch her tree two feet under her platform. "And I certainly hate this one," she grimaced as a monkey tried to bite her, only to get distracted by a bug and fall out of the tree.
Elsewhere, Jacques saw an opportunity to lose and let one of the monkeys knock him out of the tree. He spat onto the ground and tried again, but the monkey pushed him back out.
"Jacques!" Eva snapped from the sidelines. "Put some effort into scaring off the monkeys!"
"That would not be wise!" Jacques retorted. "Making them lose interest is my best chance of avoiding injury! Look at what they did to Devin when HE tried to fight them!"
Confessional – Devin.
Devin frowned at the camera, a bandage on his forearm with some slight blood staining it red. "Did Chris HAVE to make them bite as hard as real monkeys?"
Some time later
"Alright!" Chris said as he watched Jacques jump out of the last tree and into Chef's arms. "We're done!"
"Sure took yo' time, kid," Chef grunted.
"Ah, but it paid off, as you can see," Jacques grinned. "I have no cuts." The other six kids, now sporting various bandages and scratches, glared at him.
"Well, let's get into the scores!" Chris decided, pressing a button on his remote that caused the trees to retract into the ground and a screen to show up in their place. "We'll go in order of arrival from last to first.
"Jacques, you fell out of every tree twice. Somehow. Minus 0.2 points per tree you fell from, Damselflies, your final score is exactly eight, the minimum score you can receive from completing the course!
"Next up, Leshawna. You fell out of Tree Five once and Tree Seven once. Herrings, your final score is an impressive 9.6!
"Jasmine, I'm honestly kind of surprised you weren't any faster, but it paid off because you are the ONLY person who never fell out of a tree! Tortoises, your final score is a perfect ten outta ten! You're still in the lead!
"Jo, your impatience is honestly kinda surprising. Haste makes waste and made you wasted." He laughed at his joke while Jo simmered. "Oh, I crack myself up. You fell out of Tree One three times, Tree Four four times, and Tree Six once. Pangolins, your final score is 8.4! Hey, that rhymes!"
"That's MY line!" someone very important complained from offscreen.
"I know. Anywho, Lindsay, you must've been spending a lot of time with Tyler, because you've somehow developed his insane finger strength! You only fell out of Tree Nine once. Kingfishers, your final score is an almost perfect 9.8!"
"I didn't want to fall," Lindsay explained. "The last time I got hit on the head, I ended up like this."
"And that's perfectly alright, Linds," Leshawna said firmly. "You ain't less than us 'cuz you have trouble thinkin' sometimes." Lindsay's eyes watered and she promptly hugged the noirette, who hugged her back as Lindsay sniffled into her arms. "Aw, you're alright, girl. You're alright."
Chris coughed. "Aaaaaaaaanyway, Devin, you fell out of Tree Three four times, Tree Seven twice, and Tree Ten once. Chipmunks, your final score is 8.6!
"And finally, our first to arrive, Brick. You fell out of Tree Two, Tree Five, and Tree Eight one time each. Chuckwallas, your final score is 9.4!"
"Hey, another rhyme!" Chris looked surprised by that and I chuckled. "Don't forget who has the pen, McLean."
Scores:
Kindly Kingfishers: 1.35 + 9.8 = 11.15
Tempered Tortoises: 3 + 10 = 13
Charitable Chipmunks: 0.644 + 8.6 = 9.244
Chaste Chuckwallas: 0.143 + 9.4 = 9.543
Humble Herrings: 0.7 + 9.6 = 10.3
Diligent Damselflies: 1.122 + 8 = 9.122
Patient Pangolins: 0.417 + 8.4 = 8.817
"Wow, look at that!" Chris said as he appeared in front of the scoring screen. "The Pangolins have moved from second-to-last to dead last while the Damselflies and Chipmunks are neck-in-neck for fifth place, with the Chuckwallas not that far ahead in fourth! The Tortoises and Kingfishers maintain their positions in first and second place respectively, while the Herrings surge into thirdge!"
"Okay, that one was forced."
"You know it, big guy. Who else did I ask to write a challenge for our lucky chumps? Find out after these messages."
Do da do da doo. Commercial break!
"And we're back!" Chris announced to the audience from inside the Drama Theater. "We've done two out of four challenges submitted by our eliminated cast, so let's get on with the rest! Our third challenge of the day is from Sugar! Who's a little salty about being eliminated last time."
"Oh joy, what did she come up with?" Noah grimaced.
"A gross talent show! Come up with a disgusting talent and perform it in front of myself, Miranda, and Scuba Bear!" Miranda gulped as the mask-wearing bear leered at her dangerously.
"Hold up, isn't that the same bear that caused Cameron to break his arm?" Sammy realized. The rest of the cast gasped.
"The very same!" Chris admitted, taking a seat. "Get a good score from him and you might win the challenge!"
"How exactly do you think a bear knows how to judge contests?" Cody pointed out.
"Ever notice how the animals on this island seem a lot smarter than they really should be? Anyway, let's get going! I want Owen, Crimson, DJ, Ella, MacArthur, Jen, and Justin to come on down and gross us out! The grosser the talent, the higher the score! Good luck!"
Kindly Kingfishers
Owen gulped down an entire bottle of lemon-lime soda and proceeded to belch the entire English alphabet. Then he did it again, but backwards. Then he did it again, but in Greek.
"Didn't you do that before in Season One?" Chris asked, raising an eyebrow.
"You only gave me five minutes to prepare," Owen replied nervously. "I couldn't think of anything else to do, and I can't fart as well as I burp."
"Well, four out of ten because we've seen this before," Chris said.
"Seven, because burping the alphabet three times, once backwards and once in Greek, is really hard and I'm impressed," Miranda said.
Scuba Bear held up a board with a 2 on it.
"Kingfishers, your score is 13 out of 30, divided by 3 to make your final score of 4.33 out of 10!" Chris announced. "Next!"
Confessional – Crimson.
"Horror is often considered unsettling and disturbing," Crimson explained. "Therefore, it was the obvious thing to use for my 'gross talent'."
Tempered Tortoises
Crimson began to recite a poem that she'd memorized for one of her previous English classes. It was so violent that the entire poem was bleeped out. That's how violent its imagery was.
When she was finished, Chris and Miranda wordlessly held up boards with 10s on them, while Scuba Bear nonchalantly held up a board with a 5 on it.
"O-okay...T-tortoises, your score is 25 out of 30, divided by 3 to m-make your f-final score of 8.33 out of 10," Chris whimpered. "N-NEXT!"
"Crikey, Crim, what the heck?" Jasmine asked from the audience.
"It worked, did it not?" Crimson retorted monotonously.
"I mean, yeah..."
"Then what's the problem?"
Jasmine wisely shut up.
Charitable Chipmunks
DJ pulled out a small electric razor and began shaving his legs.
"That's it?" Chris tsked. "One out of ten."
"Three out of ten," Miranda said, a little disturbed by what DJ was doing.
Scuba Bear was even more unnerved by DJ shaving himself and held up a board with a 9 on it.
"Wow, saved by the bear! Anywho, Chipmunks, your score is 13 out of 30, divided by 3 to make your final score of 4.33 out of 10!" Chris announced. "Next!"
Chaste Chuckwallas
Ella began to sing. "That's not very gross, Ella," Chris said, moving to make his score when he heard buzzing. "What's that noise?"
"My audience," Ella replied simply as a massive swarm of bees flew into the room and covered the girl like a suit of living chainmail.
"Uh...six out of ten!" Chris said at last.
"Nine out of ten," Miranda winced.
Scuba Bear held up a board with a 3 on it.
"Chuckwallas, your score is 19 out of 30, divided by 3 to make your final score of 6.33 out of 10!" Chris announced. "And Ella, do me a solid and get rid of those things, would ya?"
"You're free to go, girls. May you find plenty of mint and coneflowers in the coming spring," Ella said to the bees, which dispersed as quickly as they'd come.
"Well, that's mildly terrifying," Carrie said, stating the obvious.
"Next!" Chris barked.
Humble Herrings
MacArthur turned around, bent over, and proceeded to fart the entirety of "Oh, Canada". "Well, we finally found someone who could control their farts better than you can," Noah said to Owen.
Owen sniffled as he stood for the anthem, hand over his heart. "I know. It's...beautiful." A tear trickled out of his left eye.
"Well, for disgracing the entire nation, awesomely if I may add, eight out of ten!" Chris announced.
"Six out of ten," Miranda said.
Scuba Bear held up a board with a 7 on it.
"Herrings, you did quite well today! Your score is 21 out of 30, divided by 3 to get your final score of an even 7 out of 10!" Chris announced. "Next!"
Diligent Damselflies
Jen chugged an entire bowl of Chef's gruel. Slowly so she wouldn't stain her shirt.
"Eh, at this point Chef's gruel isn't that much of a threat. Two out of ten!" Chris decided.
"Six out of ten," Miranda gagged.
Scuba Bear held up a board with a 0 on it, evidently having never eaten Chef's gruel before.
"Pretty sucky, Damselflies. Your score is 8 out of 30, divided by 3 to get your final score of 2.67 out of 10!" Chris announced. "Next!"
Confessional – Josee.
"Well, we may lose after all as our score is certainly to drop to the lowest rung. However, this presents a challenge of a different sort: Eva and Jennifer are not likely to vote for the other." She gasped as she got an idea. "But who else might they vote for?"
Patient Pangolins
"For this talent, I've requested a volunteer," Justin said. Lindsay was on the stage with him.
"Yay! I get to help!" Lindsay cheered. Justin grabbed Lindsay by the legs and shook her upside-down. An apple seedling, complete with dirt coating its roots, tumbled out of her cleavage and landed on the ground with a whump.
"So that's where that apple went," Taylor realized.
"Not really gross, but good callback to an obscure moment in Season 2. Five out of ten!" Chris said.
"Eight, because I'd forgotten all about that challenge," Miranda said.
Scuba Bear held up a board with a 1 on it.
"Pangolins, your score is 14 out of 30, divided by 3 to make your final score of 4.67 out of 10!" Chris announced.
"I'm dizzy..." Lindsay groaned before puking onto the stage.
"Too bad you didn't do that earlier, Lindsay! I'd have given you an extra point just for that!" Chris chortled.
Justin winced. "Sorry, Lindsay."
Confessional – Justin.
"I just hope Tyler doesn't get mad at me for that."
Confessional – Tyler.
"Nah, it's fine. Lindsay wanted to help, it's her decision and her consequences, not mine."
Kindly Kingfishers: 1.35 + 9.8 + 4.33 = 15.48
Tempered Tortoises: 3 + 10 + 8.33 = 21.33
Charitable Chipmunks: 0.644 + 8.6 + 4.33 = 13.574
Chaste Chuckwallas: 0.143 + 9.4 + 6.33 = 15.873
Humble Herrings: 0.7 + 9.6 + 7 = 17.3
Diligent Damselflies: 1.122 + 8 + 2.67 = 11.792
Patient Pangolins: 0.417 + 8.4 + 4.67 = 13.487
"Well, look at that! The Tortoises maintain their lead, but the Herrings have swum into second! The Chuckwallas have improved their score enough to overtake the Kingfishers in third, but the Kingfishers aren't giving up just yet! The Chipmunks and Pangolins are neck-in-neck, and the Damselflies have fallen into last place!" Chris said as he looked at the scoreboard.
The Campfire
"And last and certainly least, our fourth challenge of the day, by Gwen! It's a quiet game! The rules are simple: shut up and stay shut up! Whoever makes a peep at any point must be punished with...tiger tail ice cream! Winner is the last person remaining silent!"
"What's 'tiger tail'?" Ella asked. She gasped fearfully. "I hope it isn't made from real tigers!"
"Nah, it just looks like it is. It's orange-flavored ice cream with black licorice ice cream mixed in. Revolting, I know."
Confessional – Leshawna.
"Sky was right, Chris IS tamperin' with the challenges. Tiger tail may be Gwen's favorite flavor, but she would NEVER force her likes an' dislikes on other people. Plus, the last challenge had a BEAR as a judge. He coulda flipped and killed us all! I don't think even SUGAR'S that dumb!"
"And speaking of tigers, there's another complication. Mascot costumes!" Chris sang, handing out mascot costumes, one each shaped like a light purple kingfisher, a pistachio green tortoise, a dark blue chipmunk, a dull sky blue lizard, a dark brown herring, and a lighter brown damselfly. "Sammy, Scarlett, Noah, Taylor, Sky, Josee, and Tyler, these are yours! You have ten minutes to be in this challenge, and the earlier you speak the worse your score! Good luck!"
00:10
Great, I'm a technicolor rodent. Whoopee, Noah deadpanned in thought. Gotta keep quiet, though...
"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! This costume is AWFUL!" Josee griped. "I'm overheated enough in my coat alone!"
"The Damselflies are out! And only twenty seconds in!" Chris remarked.
"Whuh?" Tyler asked, surprised while Josee got up from the stump she was sitting on, before realizing his mistake. "D'oh!"
"The Pangolins are out second only thirty seconds in!" He chuckled. "See what I did there? Huh?" The other kids wisely kept their mouths shut.
Don't think I don't see what you're doing, Chris, Noah thought with a grimace. Trying to get a reaction out of us to make us lose early embarrass ourselves. Well, you'll need to try harder than that to get a rise out of me.
So, while Chef handed Josee and Tyler two styrofoam bowls of tiger tail ice cream, and Josee ate a spoonful and then proceeded to retch said ice cream onto Tyler's face, Chris did exactly that.
02:04
Someone sneezed loudly. "GAH!" Sky exclaimed, jumping in her seat before falling over, landing on her back with her legs comically sticking up in the air.
"Herrings! You're out!" Chris said cheerfully, discreetly hiding his phone, the browser opened to an SFX library, in his pocket.
03:56
Josee hadn't been kidding when she'd complained about the costumes being hot. Sammy tugged at her collar, trying to find release. "No taking off the costume, Samey!" Chris ordered, using a word he knew would rile her up.
"It's SAMMY!" Sammy realized her mistake too late. "Oops."
"Kingfishers! You're out!"
05:10
"Man, costuming did a great job with those," Chris idly remarked. "You look amazing!"
"We look STUPID," Taylor corrected him before her eyes widened. "Oh, come on! That was cheating!"
"Hey, the rules say you can't talk, and that means no responding to my barbs," Chris shrugged. "Chuckwallas, you're out! Only the Tortoises and Chipmunks remain! But who will go FIRST?"
08:40
Nothing had happened. Scarlett and Noah were as stoic as ever and glared at the other. Or they were, until a robotic monkey from earlier came and started making a mess. It had been gunning for Noah when it suddenly turned its attention towards Scarlett and leapt at her.
"NO!" Scarlett growled, decking the monkey head-on. She realized what she'd done too late. "Nuts."
"And with that, the Tortoises finally lose a challenge!" Chris said, visibly upset that Noah had won. "Chipmunks, you won this challenge, but it's not over until we go to the board!"
Confessional – Sky.
"Okay, now I know Chris DEFINITELY tampered with the challenges," Sky groused, some black and orange bits staining her lips. "Gwen wouldn't be motivated enough to add an element of avoiding distractions to a challenge like this, and even if she did she would not send a robot monkey after us."
She paused as she leaned in to see the mirror that the camera nestled on. "Oh, poo, I've still got ice cream on my face. Chris was right, that stuff tastes off. Gwen can have as much of it as she wants."
Confessional – Gwen.
"Joy," Gwen snarked, briefly looking up from her lab report back in school.
Kindly Kingfishers: 1.35 + 9.8 + 4.33 + 4.083 = 19.563
Tempered Tortoises: 3 + 10 + 8.33 + 8.817 = 30.147
Charitable Chipmunks: 0.644 + 8.6 + 4.33 + 10 = 23.574
Chaste Chuckwallas: 0.143 + 9.4 + 6.33 + 5.283 = 15.873
Humble Herrings: 0.7 + 9.6 + 7 + 2.117 = 19.417
Diligent Damselflies: 1.122 + 8 + 2.67 + 0.33 = 12.122
Patient Pangolins: 0.417 + 8.4 + 4.67 + 0.5 = 13.987
"Tortoises, you broke your winstreak and stayed in for eight minutes and forty-nine seconds. Therefore, you scored an 8.817 out of 10. However, because of the aforementioned winstreak, you remain in first place with a final score of 30.147. You win!" The Tortoises uttered a single dull "yay".
"Chipmunks, you never talked once and have thus earned a perfect 10 out of 10! However, due to your poor performance earlier today, your final score is 23.574, putting you in second place!
"Chuckwallas, you stayed in for five minutes and seventeen seconds. Therefore, you scored a 5.283 out of 10. Your final score is 21.156, putting you in third place!
"Kingfishers, you stayed in for four minutes and five seconds. Therefore, you scored a 4.083 out of 10. Your final score is 19.563, just barely keeping you from tying with the Herrings and putting you in fourth place!
"Speaking of which, Herrings, you stayed in for two minutes and seven seconds. Therefore, you scored a 2.117 out of 10. Your final score is 19.417, putting you in fifth place!
"Pangolins, you stayed in for a mere thirty seconds because Tyler couldn't stay focused." Jo raised an eyebrow at the Clumsy Jock and he laughed sheepishly. "Therefore, you scored a 0.5 out of 10. Your final score is 13.987, putting you in a MUCH lower sixth place"
"Damselflies, you stayed in for a measly twenty seconds and scored a 0.33 out of 10. Therefore, your final score is 12.122, putting you in dead last! Meet me at the campfire at eight, Diligent Damselflies, it's time to vote someone out!"
"But we're already at the campfire, Chris," Sammy pointed out.
Chris looked down and observed his surroundings. "So we are. Well, in that case, leave the campfire NOW and only the Damselflies come back!"
Some time later
"I cannot believe you lost, Jennifer," Jacques scowled as he followed Jen to retrieve their bags and move cabins.
"You can't believe I lost?" Jen whirled around on him. "What about YOU?! You didn't even TRY to push through during your part to score some extra points! At least I did something that some of us thought was gross! It isn't MY fault Chris had us go against a frickin' bear!" She huffed and stormed off.
Once Jen was gone, Jacques grinned. "Let the games commence."
"Oh, hey Eva," Jen said, finding Eva sitting on the Dock of Shame. "What's up?"
Eva grimaced. "I can't believe I lost it last time. I've been trying to keep ahold of my temper all my life, and last time...I blew it."
"Don't be so hard on yourself, Eves," Jen said, sitting next to her. "Sugar was hurting another person for a stupid reason. You throwing her off was totally warranted."
The Iron Woman sighed. "I'm not sure some of the others see it like that. I've had enough trouble keeping friends due to my temper."
"That how you ended up a Misfit?"
"Yeah...Izzy didn't care and Noah didn't mind as long as I didn't go too far. When Owen came into the group he did his best to help." She sighed again. "We okay on who we're voting for tonight?"
"Sure are!"
They weren't.
Confessional – Jen.
"I can't believe Jacques would blame me for dropping this for our team!" Jen griped as she wrote JACQUES on a piece of paper. "What's his game?"
Confessional – Eva.
"Welp, here's hoping I don't get booted," Eva said as she wrote JOSEE on a piece of paper.
Confessional – Jacques.
"I was initially hoping we could turn the others against Eva," Jacques said as he wrote EVA on a piece of paper. "But this is a MUCH more convenient way to get her out."
Confessional – Josee.
"Ah, I do so love it when a plan comes together," Josee sighed happily as she wrote EVA on a piece of paper.
"Here's how we do eliminations," Chris said. "We use the marshmallow system here. When I call your name, come get one." Only one marshmallow was uncolored. "The marshmallows are color-coded to show how many votes you got because drama is the grossest talent of all. White means no votes against you, and the recipient is Jen." Jen got up and got her marshmallow.
"Blue means you received only one vote against you. Josee, this is yours." Josee scowled while Jen and Eva looked at each other in confusion.
"Green means you got more than one vote, but are still safe. None today due to how small this team is." Two colored marshmallows remained. "Orange means you're on the chopping block, and red means you're out. Jacques. Eva."
Eva gulped while Jacques grinned evilly.
"Jacques, you messed up bigtime this challenge. Eva, you messed up last time and earned yourself some ire. And with one vote more..."
...
...
...
...
"Eva, you just got back, and now you're gone!"
"But I thought you voted for Josee!" Eva exclaimed.
"And I thought you voted for Jacques!" Jen yelled back. They paused. "Wait...oh, [d word]it, we should've talked about it more before we voted! Then we could've at LEAST stuck you and one of them in a tie!"
"Good thing you didn't, then. I'd have to use Chef's idea as the tiebreaker," Chris shrugged nonchalantly.
"And jus' what is wrong with my idea?" Chef scowled, raising an eyebrow.
"I'm just saying that no one finds competitive Mother's Day card-making exciting except for you!"
Confessional – Jen.
"Jacques played me. He suspected I was going to vote for Josee, so he insulted me on purpose so I'd vote for him and just assume Eva was also. He and Josee split the votes and got her out like they'd wanted." She sighed. "It's Alejandro all over again."
"It was a communication error, Eva, it could've happened to anyone," Brick said as his cousin packed up.
"Yeah, I know, Brick. It's just...I don't like being played like that."
"Who would?" Emma remarked. "It does suck that you're going so soon after you came back, but hey, at least you won't be dealing with Chris for a while."
"I guess that's alright." Finished packing, she stood up and saw Noah and Owen. "Noah, be on the lookout. Now that Al's gone, the Ice Dancers are trying to take his place, and something tells me today won't be the last stunt they pull."
"I'll be on my guard," Noah promised.
"See you back home, Eva!" Owen said. Eva smiled softly.
"Jacques and Josee had a plan, and they ultimately saw it through!" Chris stood in front of the Mess Hall, a tub of tiger tail ice cream in his hands. "I wonder what other plans they have in store. Fifty-seven down once again. Twenty-seven remain once again. Who'll pack in the talent and who'll just pack their bags? Find out on
"Total.
"Drama!"
Chris took a step, slipped on some ice, and fell, the ice cream preventing him from breaking his face. However... "MY HAIR!"
"You'd think the eye frostbite would be his greater concern," Justin commented from inside the Mess Hall.
Votes:
Jacques – Eva
Josee – Eva
Eva – Josee
Jen – Jacques
Results: 2-1-1 Eva-Jacques-Josee
Eliminated: Staci, Leonard, Tammy, Leshaniqua, Spud, Chet, Dakota (ii), Phil (r), Ellody, Rock, Rodney (t), Anne Maria, Mickey, Jazz (r), Max, Mary, Junior, Zeke (t), Beth, Brody, Scott, Lauren, Brady, Lorenzo, Katie, Trent, Kitty (t), Gwen, Dave (ii), Courtney, Tom, Dawn (t), Izzy (r), Jay, Lightning, Stephanie, Cameron (nj), Ryan, B, Mike (q), Duncan, Amy, Topher, Sadie, Laurie, Bridgette, Sanders, Sierra, Shawn (r), Sam, Heather, Miles, Zoey, Geoff (t), Alejandro, Sugar, Eva
Known active immunity idols: Josee (Crimson), Justin (Ella)
Bonus clip:
"It's actually not that bad once it warms up a little," Owen said as he motored through another tub of tiger tail ice cream. A robot monkey ran up to him. "Shoo!" Owen said, swiping his spoon hand at it. He ended up hitting it hard enough to knock its head off, and it slumped to the ground. "Oops," Owen said, looking wide-eyed at the camera.